


Fearlessly Red

by PetalsToFish



Series: TaylorxJily [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Album: Fearless (Taylor Swift), Album: Red (Taylor Swift), Alternate Universe - Bodyguard, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bodyguard Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2020-12-07 11:21:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 185,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20975066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetalsToFish/pseuds/PetalsToFish
Summary: Red. It was such an interesting color to correlate with emotion because it was on both ends of the spectrum. On one end there was happiness, falling in love, passion, all that. On the other end was jealousy, fear and frustration. Maybe that's why James thought the nickname fit Lily so well. (Bodyguard!James/Celebrity!Lily)





	1. Fearless

She finds it hard to remember what her mother's perfume smelled like, if only because the memory stings her eyes shut. In the quiet of the night her mind plays tricks on her simply by playing all the good memories with Steven and leaving out the bad so she won't break down again. Her brain is normally good at leaving all the bad things out but some things are hard to forget because the emotions involved with them are so intense.

For Lily, everything that happened that summer had tattooed itself into her memories no matter how hard she tried to forget. She remembered walking fast through the New York street lights blinking red and green. She remembered Steven's lips on hers briefly, fleetingly promising nothing but hope. And she remembered the exact color of her scarf, red against his black jacket.

_"Give me my scarf back, Steven."_

_"I'll keep it as insurance." he jokes, "to make sure you come back from dreary old London."_

_"I should keep it to make sure you show up to London for my last show." She says pointedly, taking both ends of the scarf in her hands, "Since you hate London so much."_

_"Hey," he grabs her wrist and his eyes go dark like in her dreams, "I promised I'd be there."_

Steven always promised to be there for Lily but his promises were as empty as the dresser drawer he used to keep his stuff in. She hadn't seen him yet and she didn't think she could see him. It would only mean facing another disaster and she wasn't mentally prepared to deal with another explosion in her life. When she closed her eyes she could still hear the screams of children. The smell of smoke filled Lily's nostrils even when she was standing naked in the shower, alone with her inhibitions.

_It's mass chaos happening in the pit. _

_She recognizes him, woefully, and she feels her heart break a bit. _

_"What did you do?" she asks the boy, "Stay back…"_

_He looks at her, his face desperate and his eyes pitch black._

_"You belong with me!" he bellows at her, reaching for her with his slim pale fingers, "Can't you see?"_

_Her hands drop her guitar and it breaks as the boy with the dark eyes and pale face lurches towards her._

Life just wasn't what eleven year old Lily had planned for, dreaming about the big city and flashing lights. She looked better off, sure, with fame and riches. Every other weekend was a flight to New York or a trip to the Seine for a radio interview. There was never a need to rewear any of her clothes and fashion designers knew her by name and face. She had four Grammys sitting on her shelf in her New York kitchen and countless other awards were littering her many houses. At face value, life was all eleven year old Lily wanted...but under the crushing weight of her own anxiety and dread...fame was a curse.

After the explosion at Manchester, all she could do was think about how many of her fans had been hurt. Thankfully, no one had died because the bloke hadn't detonated his little homemade bomb correctly, but there was still fire and destruction. There were still little girls with scars forever and families who feared ever going to another concert. Lily's heart had broken into thousands of little pieces at the expense of others.

She hadn't touched a guitar or any of her notebooks since the concert.

She wasn't eating, sleeping, or taking proper care of herself.

No one could get Lily out of her own mind the remainder of that summer. Sirius tried to help by sneaking her out to visit her fans in the hospital. Peter tried to help by canceling the remainder of her tour. Petunia tried to help by being nice and quiet as Lily worked through her emotions. Lily's father tried to help by reminding her why she started singing and the internet tried to help with hashtags and empty words.

Lily's family hired her a private bodyguard but it did little to calm her nerves, not when she was reliving every made moment of the apocalyptic summer. And to top off everything that had happened, Lily's new bodyguard was just a constant reminder of Manchester.

_James Potter, tall and stoic, unceremoniously puts his hands on her hips. _

_Without warning, he flings her over his shoulder with ease. _

_The smoke fills her lungs as she screams for him to let her down. _

_Her dress bunches up around her thighs as he runs her off the burning stage._

_Severus Snape is still reaching for her, eyes as hazy as the smoke he'd conjured._

Even when Lily was walking along the halls of her Scotland chateau, James was there. Sure, he stayed back, but he still watched every step she took. He heard every shaky breath she sucked in. He saw every single side glance Lily gave to blowing curtains and every flinch she emitted at every loud noise. He didn't dare reach out, not after she'd been such a bitch to him.

_"I'll go make sure the levels have been searched."_

_His hands are in his hair, ruffling it and looking more boy than man. _

_Lily stares at him, aghast. _

_"Were you going to apologize for tossing me over your shoulder like a rag doll?" she snaps, "or were you just going to continue pretending I don't exist?"_

Lily didn't ever think she could forget the way he stared down at her, clearly unimpressed. She couldn't forget the feeling of red creeping up her neck as they stared each other down. She couldn't ever forget the way he made her feel.

_"I saved your life."_

He should have just called Lily an ungrateful bitch and his words might've hurt less. Instead, he'd left her standing there after the bomb, acting like she wasn't worth his time. And maybe she wasn't worth his time, after all, he did save her life. She hadn't realized to what extent he'd saved her, not until she spoke to her manager and the lead of security at the concert. She hadn't known it was a bomb, not until management told her.

Lily never told James thank you, even when he was hired as her personal bodyguard by some cruel twist of fate. Because of her stupid arrogance, James hated her. Lily hated herself for continuing to replay their first meeting over and over. In fact, she hated how often her brain replayed all 24 hours of her own personal Hell back like a broken record.

Record click, and there was Steven wearing her scarf and a devilish grin in the streets of New York.

Another spin and she saw her sister Petunia mouthing off through a haze of synthetic yellow light.

One long pause before she's thrust back into the fire and smoke, where James Potter rescued her.

There wasn't much to do about the anxiety and depression that hit Lily like a runaway train. She walked up and down her property lines, trying to walk off the dread of going to sleep at night. She didn't want anyone to see how scared she was of her own mind. After all, she'd always been told she was always so positive and filled with such warmth. What would people say if she admitted the corners of her world had turned to grey?

Of course, James followed her everywhere she went. It might've been his job but it annoyed Lily to have a shadow that seemed to perceptively stare at her. She tried to lose him, but it was hard to lose anyone while stuck in one place. He followed her into her sitting room, making her self-conscious about what she turned the TV onto. He watched her cook and she swore he snorted whenever she burned pasta. By the third week of dancing around each other, Lily finally rounded on him when he even followed her into her personal car.

"Do you mind?" she snapped.

He blinked in confusion, "What?"

Lily felt like he was judging her and he didn't even know her.

"Do you have to go everywhere I go?" she complained.

"I'm your bodyguard."

"I'm safe." she pinched the bridge of her nose, "I'm just running to town for coffee."

He seemed to find her reply funny, "I looked at your file and there are at least fifty reasons that you _aren't_ safe, even just getting coffee."

Lily's expression remained unmoved, "I don't think the creamer will suddenly jump out and attack me."

"I'm not doing my job if I have no body to guard." he said, "besides, what if you suddenly become lactose intolerant?"

"Lactose intolerant?" she echoed back.

He actually had the audacity to smirk, "As your bodyguard, I do have to be around just in case your body goes into lactose shock."

"Are you mad?"

"You've no idea." he laughed almost bitterly as he ruffled his hair and sat in her passenger seat.

"I'm done arguing." she slipped her hand through her own hair, "I'm going for coffee, alone."

"You're being stubborn for no reason," James buckled his seatbelt, "I'm still coming with you."

She'd pulled a frustrated face and put her sunglasses on. Lily's mother used to say Lily had a face more readable than anything. Lily wasn't about to let her bodyguard read anything about her when he hated her. James kept quiet, not arguing with her when she asked him to at least stand outside of the coffee shop.

Not unsurprisingly, she didn't develop sudden allergy to lactose. When she said something to James on the way back to the house, he didn't say anything. She glanced at him to see he was staring dutifully out the window of her car, eyes locked in the mirror.

He gave her what space he could, even if it wasn't much.

She was unsettled and she just couldn't break away from the feeling. She knew she should talk to someone but she didn't know who. She nursed the feeling with wine and tried to sleep without waking from nightmares. The walks Lily took got more numerous as the days went on.

Lily glanced back, looking for James's ever present shadow as she made her way up a rolling green hill back to her house. It had been a particularly wet walk to the steam. The late summer rain soaked through Lily's jean jacket and she could tell he was sopping too, even from farther away. He never complained about her walks, in fact he expected them. Even when the rain was pouring and Lily was in nothing but sweats, he'd follow her like a dutiful guard dog.

Lily walked faster up the hill, but James still kept up. He was at her side as she opened the back door that led into the sunroom. Sirius was there, flicking through his phone lazily. He looked up and Lily got out about half a wave in Sirius' direction before James had pushed her out of the way. Lily felll to her own floor, her elbow hitting the wall painfully.. Lily looked up to find James pointing a handgun at Sirius' head dangerously.

"What are you doing?" Lily shouted at James from the floor as she squeezed her elbow, "put the gun down!"

James ignored Lily, his eyes glaring at Sirius, "Who the fuck are you?"

"Sirius Black," Sirius was calm, despite the gun pointed at his chest, "who the fuck are _you_?"

James clicked the safety off, "listen git-"

"Stop!" Lily scrambled to her feet, standing between Sirius and James, "he's my best friend, you daft idiot!"

"What?" James' eyes dropped to Lily, "how did he get in without setting the alarms off?"

Lily questioned, as if it were obvious, "Because I gave him the pass code?"

Sirius leaned around Lily's tiny form, waving at James, "you must be her new bodyguard, I'm Sirius."

James ignored Sirius, he was too busy staring down at Lily with disbelief. Lily's eyes traced the way his nostrils flared out when he was mad. She'd never seen him display so much passion and resolve. It was almost nice to know he wasn't a total robot sent to guard her. Lily realized he was upset because he thought she'd been in danger and her heart lurched. Her expression softened and she stepped closer to James.

"He's fine," she soothed, "Sirius always comes for movie night, he's just early."

James snapped, "Do you often go around, giving out your alarm pass code?"

"No," Lily rolled her eyes, not knowing why she bothered being nice to him, "only to my family."

James didn't lower his gun, "You said he was a friend."

"Family friend." Lily stomped her foot, "James, I'm serious. Gun _down_."

Sirius spoke up again, this time gathering James' attention, "I'm Sirius, actually." he joked, "incase you forgot my name already."

James leaned around Lily to looked Sirius up and down before looking back at Lily, "He's your best friend?"

"More like a brother really." Lily said, reaching out and putting a hand over James' gun, "Gun down. Now!"

James lowered his gun, but only slightly. Lily shoved her hands against her jacket, peeling the wet fabric from her skin and throwing the wet jacket on the closest shelf. She squeezed out her hair as she watched James contemplate Sirius, who was right at home on Lily's sun bed. The lack of actual sun outside left the sunroom doused in shades of brown.

"Why are you early?" Lily asked Sirius as she squeezed water from her shirt too, "I wasn't expecting you until ten or so."

Sirius stretched, "came to eat those leftover tacos you ordered a few nights ago and drink your good wine."

James was looking back and forth between Lily and Sirius, "He's here a lot?"

Lily turned to James, "Almost every night, you just hadn't met him because normally Alice takes over."

"Right."

The muscle in James' jaw clenched and he looked at Lily like she was killing him. Lily crossed her arms, refusing to budge until his gun was gone. Behind her, Sirius grew bored.

"Movie night!" Sirius commanded Lily to stop her stare down, "I bought that new Marvel movie you wanted to watch, Lil."

"Which one?"

"The one with the purple dude."

"Thanos?" Lily snorted, rolling her eyes, "I swear, do you even watch the movies?"

"No." he said, "you caught me, I'm only here for the food!"

Sirius went through the door to the kitchen and Lily heard him rummaging around the cooler. Lily blew her fringe from her face. At her side, James was breathing out deeply, like he'd been running. Lily sighed as James put his gun back in it's holster. She looked him up and down, her hip jutting out as she crossed her arms.

James' mouth turned into a frown, "I thought he was trouble."

"I think me waving at him should've clued you in that he was a friend."

"I didn't focus on what you were doing," he looked upset, "I was-I-"

"Next time, please wait for me to ask for your help." she heard Sirius pouring wine in the kitchen, "before you go pulling a gun out on my friends."

"I won't wait for your permission to protect you." he said, eyes burning down at her, "that's not how this works."

"Fine." Lily squared her shoulders, "shoot the next thing that moves, go to jail."

James sighed with exasperation, "He was _trespassing_."

"He was _invited_." Lily emphasized.

"You didn't tell me that."

"Sorry," Lily kicked her wet shoes off by the door, "I wasn't aware I had to inform you of every little thing in my life!"

James looked like he wanted to argue but instead, he held himself back, looking down at the floor and sniffing. He was still in his wet clothes, but he didn't look as cold as Lily felt. Lily stood up taller, squeezing water from her long hair again.

"I'm going to go change." she mumbled, "if Sirius is looking for me."

James grabbed her hand before she could walk out, "Who else have you given your code too?"

"Steven." Lily felt her cheeks redden, saying his name out loud.

"Steven?" James had no idea who she was talking about.

Sirius entered the sunroom carrying two wine glasses full of bright red wine. He passed one to Lily. She swirled the contents and then took a giant mouthful of the wine as Sirius considered James.

"Steven's her bed warmer."

Lily almost choked on her red wine and she glared at Sirius over the rim of her cup, "Sirius!"

James just looked between them, confused, "Who?"

One of James' hands went to his black curls and Lily saw Sirius unashamedly check James out. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head for a moment as she considered Sirius' obsession with men who had nice jaw lines. James Potter had the best jawline she'd ever seen.

"Steven's her bedwarmer." Lily hit Sirius in the chest and Sirius laughed before taking a sip of his drink, knowing why she hit him.

James was still lost, "bed warmer?"

Lily flushed deep red as James considered her, almost startled. She wondered if he was judging her, even though she didn't know why he could do so. He didn't know anything about her and Steven. After all, not many people actually knew about Steven and Lily. The tabloids gossiped, the fans speculated, but Lily and Steven had never confirmed they were seeing each other.

Even after three years.

"That's no innuendo, it's exactly what you think." Sirius was flirting with James, winking at him, "but don't worry, Steve-O doesn't come around often."

"Right," James, finally seemingly done, looked at Lily, "Alice will be here soon to take over, I'll be at the guard shack if you need me."

"I won't."

James' jaw was firm as they stared each other down. It was almost like he wanted to say something else. Lily waited, only breaking eye contact when Juniper clawed at her leg. Lily bent down and picked her fluffy black cat up. When she stood upright again, James had already stalked off in the direction of the front door. Lily stared at his retreating back through Juniper's black fur.

Sirius stared after him with Lily, "He's hot."

"He's all yours." Lily grumbled moodily, scratching Juniper's ears.

"Don't mind if I do."

Sirius grinned and Lily didn't know why it bothered her so much thinking about her best mate finding James attractive. Sometimes Sirius invited James to watch a movie with them, like they were all friends. James was always quick to turn down Sirius' offers in favor of hanging out alone in his room. Sometimes Lily heard him in his room when she went to bed. He talked a lot on his phone, in muffled tones she couldn't make out. Mostly though, he seemed to listen to music. Nothing of hers, but he was a fan of Ed Sheeran and The Civil Wars.

Their relationship was awkward, mostly him observing her as she tried to live her life post-Manchester. They danced around each other in small spaces and avoided eye contact in all places. He didn't even react when she burned her dinner anymore and she no longer complained when he got in the car with her to pick up some take-out from town. They co-existed, not as friends, but under the mutual silent agreement that they were better off not setting each other off. If there was one thing they had in common, it was that they were both incredibly stubborn.

One night, Lily couldn't sleep because of the nightmares so she walked into the kitchen and pulled a ice cream tin from her freezer. The lights were off as she dug into the ice cream with a spoon. It tasted like it had been in the freezer too long so Lily threw it away before rummaging through the fridge for some pudding. She peeled the lid off the cup of pudding and sat on one of her counters, her bare feet dangling towards the floor.

That's how James found her.

He walked into the kitchen, his curly hair all over his head and his bare chest looking more tempting that anything. He stopped in his tracks, looking her up and down, taking in her nightgown and pudding cup. Lily noted he was still wearing his jeans, making her wonder if he'd even gone to sleep.

"Late night?" she asked, noting he didn't have his glasses on either.

James rubbed his eyes before grumbling, "why are you eating pudding at three in the morning?"

"I couldn't sleep." she leaned over to grab the other pudding cups, waving them in the air at her bodyguard, "fancy one?"

"No," James walked around her, limping slightly on his right foot.

"Are you limping?" she turned to follow his movements over to the glass cabinet.

"No."

Lily scrutinized him as he got a glass and filled with with water. It might've been dark but she could still see the lines of long muscle flex as he drank his cup of water. Lily licked the chocolate pudding off her spoon, unashamedly staring at her shirtless guard with a bit more interest. He'd definitely been limping, she wondered if he strained something. James put the cup in the sink and his eyes fluttered up to meet her gaze for a moment. In the darkness, it was easier to look at him because he wasn't as perfect without the light shining on him like some sort of angelic spotlght. Without James' button down shirt and glasses, he looked real.

"You sure you don't want to join?" she opened another pudding packet, "it's chocolate."

James leaned his arms against the counter, "question."

"Answer."

He tilted his head at her in the darkness, "aren't you, well, you know, rich?"

She didn't know why she found his question so funny, "yes?"

"Can't you get someone to cook for you?" he motioned to her hand, "pudding cups are not exactly prime midnight snacks."

Lily took a heaping spoonful of chocolate pudding, "I like chocolate pudding."

"Never mind." he stood up and started for the kitchen door.

Lily felt her heartstrings reaching out to stop him, it's what made her blurt out the truth to him like he was Sirius.

"I just want my privacy." he paused in the doorway to listen to her confession, "another stranger in my life is the last thing I need."

"No offense," he said, "but you're the most unhealthy person I know."

"I'm on vacation."

"From what?"

"Hollywood." she sighed, "you haven't seen it yet, Hollywood."

She could make out his head dropping to stare at his feet in the dark.

"What's wrong with Hollywood?" he asked, almost bitterly.

She dropped her spoon into her pudding, "They tell you that you're lucky. For a while, I did feel lucky to be invited to all the parties and galas. Then it got old, very quickly, as the lights from all those flashing cameras follow you wherever you go. There are people judging you by the clothes you wear and the way you walk and the way you talk. You can't take one misstep or everyone will know about it. All the young things line up just to take your place the moment you fall from grace." She felt a tear slip down her cheek and she was thankful it was dark so he couldn't see, "My first mistake was the concert. People were so mad. Still are."

"It wasn't your fault." he sounded upset, "you know that wasn't your fault."

"Tell that to the people suing me for endangering their kids lives." Lily muttered, "or the thousands of people retweeting the photo of you carrying me off stage while my fans were dealing with a literal bomb like they were in a war zone."

At first he didn't answer, and then he muttered darkly, "heroic actions often come with consequences..."

"I feel _bad_." she licked at her spoon, tasting the chocolate, "I owe everything, _everything_ to my fans. And I disappointed them."

In the darkness she watched his hand lift to his curls. He twisted his fingers into the curls on his forehead, almost as if it was killing him to stand there and talk to her. James' shoulders rolled and he took in a deep breath.

"It sounds lonely."

"What?"

"Fame."

It was.

Maybe that's why Lily had avoided going back despite Peter, her manager, urging her to get back to California for work. She might be under watch at her home in Scotland but she could walk into town and not find herself swarmed by paparazzi. Anywhere else she went, it was media central. Even the fans could easily track her planes and find out where she was traveling.

She'd taken for granted how secluded she'd been in Scotland. She didn't have to smile all the time or wear designer clothes. She'd worn make up twice in a month and hadn't curled her hair in God knows how long. She was able to not sleep at night in favor of brighter mornings and quick cat naps on the couch. She could go for walks down the hills and no one cared what she looked like. There weren't one hundred articles on twitter cross examining all her boyfriends to figure out why she drove them off. It had been a good break that would change the moment she stepped back into the spotlight.

But the fame was always going to be worth the fight because she got to make music. She didn't know what she'd write about but she knew once she started writing, she probably wouldn't stop. She was born to write out her feelings, so she could process them. No matter what she did, or where she went, she would always be a songwriter. She would always crave to write poems and turn them into songs. The writer in Lily would ache to form imagery through simple words and catchy phrases no matter how many times she was knocked down. She constantly yearned to paint a picture with her colorful emotions using her voice as the brush.

The only problem was that she hadn't written a word since the day after Manchester's concert and that's what scared her the most, the fact that she wasn't writing anymore.

She could remember times when fame had been fun and rewarding. Like the time Lily took her whole family to Disney right after winning her first Grammy. All the afternoons in Lake Placid were her favorite memories. Concerts with Make-A-Wish and poster signings with girls who wanted to be songwriters too. They all made fame worth it. She should write for them, but fear was keeping her shackled to the kitchen counter with a pudding cup and a desolate stare.

Lily spoke up, "It's not so bad."

"What?" he was leaning against the kitchen door.

"Fame," she twirled her spoon in her pudding, "when you have people you love to share it with, it's not so bad."

"Well, I wouldn't have anyone to share it with." Lily watched as James leaned up and off the door, "G'night."

She waved her spoon at him in the darkness, "see you in two hours."

"Two hours?"

"For breakfast?" she pointed at the clock, which read four in the morning.

"Are you having more pudding cups?" he asked, "because I'm quite partial to your burnt eggs."

She might've imagined it, but she thought he chuckled as he walked back to his room.


	2. The Last Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic's chapters will posted on Saturdays from now on

June turned to July.

There was no getting around Peter’s constant nagging, she had to be in Los Angeles for a meeting with Disney to sign a deal. When Lily was younger, she would’ve been over the moon about being asked to be a real-life Disney Princess but now she wasn’t so sure. It was nerve-wracking, thinking about going back into the public eye. Back to all the champagne filled parties that encouraged socializing and normalcy made her anxiety worsen. She didn’t feel enough like her old self to go back to anything normal.

It was Sirius who convinced her that it might be good for her mental health to get into a routine again. Lily mulled over Sirius’ kind words and Peter’s desperate attempts to get her back to a normal schedule for a week until she finally texted Peter and told him she’d take the Disney deal. Peter took her agreement and ran, signing her up to appear on talk shows and walk red carpets the moment she arrived back in Los Angeles.

“Press is press,” he reminded Lily over the phone as they went over her calendar, “you can never have too much attention.”

Lily took a deep breath, staring at her reflection in her floor length mirror the morning of July 4th. 

Her bags were packed, and she was ready to go back to America. She’d called Melina, texted Steven, and contacted Marlene. They were all ecstatic to welcome her back to the states. Even Steven seemed enthusiastic, something Lily made sure not to mention to Sirius who would certainly have something snarky to say about Steven. 

Across the hall, in James’ mini suite, she heard him moving around. As her personal bodyguard, he went wherever she went. Alice and Frank would join them in Los Angeles later, as they were currently on their Honeymoon in Hawaii. Lily smoothed the wrinkles on her dress, checking her outfit one last time. A pretty red sundress fell to her knees and it looked perfectly appropriate for her flight to LA. She’s applied a light shade of pink over her lips and put eyeliner on for the first time in months.

Lily’s heels made her at least two inches taller. Steven didn’t like it when she wore heels because then she was taller than he was. She wore than anyways, knowing it was a slim chance he’d be waiting for her in LA. 

Juniper flicked her tail from atop Lily’s vanity nosily. The black cat had just wolfed down the leftover of Lily’s turkey slices and was working off her extra meal by surveying Lily pack like a queen would observe her court. Lily had never seen a cat more fit to a rich and famous lifestyle in all her days. Juniper had been a gift from her mum, right after Lily won her first Grammy. Juniper had grown up accustomed to private flights, turkey slices, and groomers at her beck and call. Lily shook her head spiritedly as she picked the cat up and lugged her over to the black carrying case monogrammed with Juniper’s name. The cat’s black claws hooked into the mesh; she was trying to stay out of the crate.

“I know, I’m _sorry_.” Juniper wailed as she was pushed inside the case by Lily, “but we’re going back to Los Angeles, you love LA, remember?”

Juniper scratched Lily’s arm as compensation for getting zipped into the black carrying case. Lily swatted irritably at her cat before checking to make sure the scratch wasn’t bleeding too bad. Lily put one of her long-sleeved cardigans on over her flowery printed dress to hide the scratch.

Juniper continued her sad lament alone in her crate.

“Oh, be quiet, please,” Lily begged her cat, “I’ll take you out the _minute_ we get on the plane.”

Lily really didn’t know how she was going to adjust back to life in Los Angeles, but she was happy to have her cat, at the very least. Sirius had called it the ‘end of an era’ with his usual dramatic flair the night before. He claimed he was going to miss the Scottish chateau and Lily had to agree with her best friend. 

At least she wasn’t subjected to criticism in her Scotland home. Well, unless she counted James’ criticism of her cooking which he often complained was ‘horribly atrocious’. She’d burned pizza only the night before and James didn’t even act surprised anymore. She’d thrown her purple oven mitten at Sirius’ head after Sirius laughed when James exchanged a look with him over the rim of his glasses.

“Ready to go Lily?” her father’s voice called from the front door, “Your plane is at the airport waiting on you!”

“Coming!”

Sadly, Lily had eluded her work long enough. She was scheduled for three award shows, a movie premiere, and Peter wanted her to start working on her music again. Lily would do everything, except work on her original music. She didn’t think she could produce anything worth selling since she couldn’t even pick up her guitar. 

The old six string sat in the corner of her room, still broken from the concert. She had other guitars, fancier guitars, but Lily had always written her new albums on her six string. It was the guitar that she’d won _Sing It!_ with and she believed it was lucky. Now it lay in two broken pieces on her floor. Sighing deeply, she walked over to it and kicked it under the bed.

She’d deal with it later.

It felt like her world had ended, yet it just kept on turning. Somehow, it was July and she’d been in Scotland for almost three months. It was the longest she’d stayed in one place in years. A part of her was excited to leave but another part of her just wanted to stay put. Sometimes Lily wished she could go back to easy afternoons in her parents living room, when everything was much simpler and all she worried about was her music.

Lily looked up when there was a polite knock on her door. 

James’ skin and dark black curls were glistening thanks to the artificial light coming from the lamp over Lily’s door. He didn’t smile at her; in fact, he was passive. She wondered if he was nervous about going to Los Angeles without Alice and Frank. Lily’s eyes sketched the biceps under his plain navy shirt. Checking him out was the only thing she ever really did do when he was in front of her and not behind her. He wore jeans, a normal for him, but his leather lace ups looked right out of the store. Lily imagined if he picked up his shoe, she’d still find the price tag on the bottom.

“What’s wrong?” she asked James, “did you finish packing?”

He had a kind of heartbreak about him that she couldn’t figure out. He was a good-looking bloke, but he held himself like someone who’d never looked in a mirror. He didn’t hold her gaze for long and he kept looking down at his knees. It was like there was something holding him back from being her friend. Even thought she’d taken to inviting him to sit when she sat and Sirius seemed to get along with him, James stayed professional at all times.

“I can get the rest of your things to the car, with your Da.”

Lily tilted her head, surprised by his kindness, “are you sure?”

“Yeah,” James said, “I don’t have much anyways, I’m just taking a knapsack really, in comparison to you.”

Lily eyed her two giant bags, “one of these is Juniper’s bag.”

“Your cat gets her own suitcase?” James asked as he picked up the flowery case.

“Lily would buy that damn cat a house if she could,” Lily’s father appeared, kissing Lily’s cheek before he took her other bag, “her mother and her always had a soft spot for animals.”

“I can tell.” 

James followed her father out her door and Lily watched them go. At her feet, Juniper was meowing loudly in her crate. James was a mystery; one she was eager to figure out. James and her father got along well. When her father had arrived the night before, they’d both bonded over Lily burning the pizza she tried making. From that moment on, Lily’s father was talking to James like he’d been a part of the family for years. James and her father shook hands as Lily finished loading everything into the car. When James and her father were done talking, Lily felt her father’s gaze fall onto her. Lily took a shaky breath before turning to face him.

Sirius appeared in the doorway, sunglasses on his face despite the clouds, “Listen up fives, a ten is speaking.”

James closed the boot, leaning against the red exterior as Sirius sashayed down the steps boisterously. Lily’s father was laughing as Sirius looked around at them, taking in their attire.

“Excited to go back home to America, Sirius?” Lily’s father asked.

“I might be born an American,” Sirius sneered, pulling a cig from his sequined fanny pack, “but I refuse to call that Hellhole my home with the Cheeto as their president.”

“Cheeto?” Lily’s father asked, “Do you mean Trump?”

“We don’t say that word in this house, Dad.” Lily patted her father’s shoulder, “it gives Sirius the hives.”

Sirius peeked at Lily, his eyeliner making his long lashes only pop more, “Lily! You look marvelous, love the heels.”

Lily curtsied and basked in his praise, “Thank you, thank you.”

Sirius gazed around Lily at James, looking the bodyguard up and down unapologetically, “and you, James, your shoes are absolutely _lit_.”

Lily let out a soft laugh but covered her mouth to hide it. She thought she saw a flicker of a smile on James’ face when he heard her giggle but when she actually looked, he was just scratching his head. James looked rather unsure about the attention and suddenly busied himself with adjusting the side mirrors of the car. 

Sirius clapped his hands as he walked to the driver’s side, “let’s go, Team LA!”

Lily shook her head at her best friend before looking at her dad. She forced a smile for her father, holding out her arms for a hug. Mr. Evans looked apprehensive as he wrapped Lily up into his strong hug that smelled like cigarettes and peppermints. Lily took in a deep breath and hugged her dad tighter, not wanting to let go.

“Come home soon, okay Superstar?”

“Okay,” she whispered back, burying her face in his jacket, “Tell Granda and Petunia that I’ll see them at Christmas, okay?”

Lily broke away from her dad but not before kissing him on his scruffy cheek. Mr. Evans looked so much older than he had even months before. Between losing his wife in a car accident and the events over the summer, he looked more like Granda. The grey hairs in his beard were taking over and Lily wished she could slow time down simply so that her father would stop aging so aggressively each time she left for America.

Her father touched her cheek as she stepped back, “I’m so proud of you.”

Lily leaned into his touch, cupping his hand to her face, “you can come with me.”

Her father shook his head, “you know Granda needs me here for his hip surgery.”

“I’ll miss you,” her lower lip wobbled, “come visit when you can, okay?”

“Okay.” His green eyes, mirrors of her own, shimmered as he said goodbye, “take care of yourself, Superstar.”

Lily knew it was no secret that her family wanted her to be happy. They’d never ask her to outright, but she could sense that they knew she was suffering. She knew they wanted her to leave the business on her own terms and as far as Lily was concerned, she didn’t want to run away just yet. She was going to be fearless in spite of the troubles outside the gates of her Scottish retreat. She’d worked hard to make her dreams come true and not even a bomb could hold her back from trying to get that life back.

James caught Lily’s gaze as she settled into the seat next to him in the back of Sirius’ car. Sirius gave Juniper the front seat, claiming she deserved it. While Sirius drove, Lily examined James when he wasn’t paying attention. She noticed he had circles under his eyes, like he hadn’t slept in weeks. She and her bodyguard would have lack of sleep in common forever, it seemed. Lily checked her own eyes as comparison with a tiny handheld mirror on the way to the airport. She looked zombie-like with red lined eyes and dilated pupils; she’d definitely need a professional artist like Marlene to fix her up. 

James watched her from the seat at her side, almost like he didn’t understand her either. When he wasn’t looking at her, he was looking out the window. He only spoke up when they were forty-five minutes outside of the capital city.

“I grew up just north of here.” He said it more to himself, than his companions, but Lily marveled that he’d said anything at all.

“Where?” she asked.

“A little village called Godric’s Hollow,” he sounded hundreds of years away, lost in his own memories, “I lived there until I was eight, when my parents moved back to the city so I could go to a good school.”

Lily considered that there was very little she knew about him, and vis versa. She crossed her legs and put her face in her hands, looking at James as he looked out the window. He’d opened up a little and now she was intrigued.

“I grew up in a small town called Cokesworth.”

James didn’t look at her, she felt disappointment flood her veins. She’s been hoping to get a decent conversation from him. He seemed more interested in a flock of sheep outside his window.

“Nothing really spectacular about Cokesworth,” Sirius said from the front seat with a snort when the silence continued, “You’re the only thing lovely that’s come out of that town.”

Lily hummed her agreement, “unless you like your water polluted and your sewer rats covered in toxic waste.”

“And stalkerish arseholes.”

That made Lily fall silent, triggered by what Sirius thought were harmless words. He was never good at tact, Sirius. Lily leaned against the window and picked at her fingernail polish. She was trying not to think about Manchester or the boy with the dead black eyes.

The plane ride was relatively long. Edinburgh to New York to Los Angeles. Lily kept herself busy spoiling Juniper with cat treats and watching _Stranger Things_ with Sirius on the TV screen above the pilot’s door. They were on season 2 and the demi-dogs had just tried attacking the kids in the bus. James stayed at the far end of the plane, apparently resolute to blend in with the background. Lily wondered if he’d learned his distant brooding look somewhere, or if he’d always been so somber. 

“Do you not like TV?” she asked him when she noticed he stared dutifully at his feet instead of the TV. 

“No.” he mumbled, “that’s not it.”

“Come watch James,” Sirius said, looking around his chair and motioning James to come over, “If you like _The Goonies_, you’ll like _Stranger Things_.”

“I’m great, thanks.” James’ jaw was taut.

Lily flashed a look at him, “You don’t like _Stranger Things_?”

“Never seen it.”

“Hm,” she kicked her legs up on Sirius’ lap, “Well, what do you like to watch on the tellie?”

He seemed stunned, “Why?”

“Well, we’re all trapped in this plane until we land,” Sirius said, “you might as well get comfortable.”

“I am comfortable.” His stiff posture said otherwise.

“Watch something with me.” Lily ordered, “relax.”

She watched as he actually pulled out his phone and pretended to be interested in something on the screen. Her lips pursed as she realized he was using his phone as an excuse not to look at her anymore. Lily and Sirius shared a look of disbelief.

“Is he fake texting right now?” Sirius mouthed her way.

“Yes.”

She didn’t want someone who was fascinated with the life of the rich and famous, but it was almost offensive, how quickly he was to turn down her invitations. Lily felt like she was in a foreign land, apart from her sister, she’d never had to try so hard to get someone to want to hang out with her. Normally people wanted to be her friend for their own selfish reasons. James was almost tense to be even remotely seen as anything other than her bodyguard.

“James?”

The minute his name fell from her lips, the air in the cabin seemed pressed. His whole body froze, and his chin lifted as he slowly looked up. He looked adorable, his black curls framing his wide hazel eyes. Lily had the sudden urge to push his hair from his eyes and she tried to ignore it by waving the remote in the air between them. 

“Come pick something to watch.”

“I said no, thank you.”

“And I say, bullshite.” 

He seemed taken aback by that, “What?”

“You’ve got to bored out of your mind.” she said, “come sit down and watch something with us.”

He walked like Juniper walked when she spotted something that she was unsure about. His feet dragged slowly down the aisle until he sat stiffly in the chair beside Sirius. Lily smirked triumphantly and passed the remote to him. 

“Pick something.”

James looked up at the TV through his glasses and started scrolling through titles. Lily settled back down, wrapping her arms around Juniper and forcing the cat to cuddle. James picked, of all things, _New Girl_. Lily eyed him curiously as he set the remote down between them.

“Did you--did you pick _New Girl_ because you knew I liked it?”

He shrugged, “No, I’ve always liked this show.”

“What’s your favorite episode?” Sirius asked James, “I love the one where they go to Candy Cane Lane.”

James adjusted his glasses and didn’t look at Sirius as he replied, “The one where Nick thinks that kid in Jess’ creative writing class is trying to kill her.” 

Lily burst out laughing and leaned forward in her seat, “Julius Pepperwood!” she exclaimed, “I love that one!”

“What other shows do you watch?” Sirius asked James.

“I also like _The Office_ and _The Good Place_.” James told them, “I used to watch _The Office_ all the time with R—”

His voice trailed off and Lily saw something like pain cross his face for a fleeting second. He didn’t wake up from his reverie, whatever it was.

“I like those shows too,” she leaned back against her seat and pet Juniper, “you should watch _Parks and Rec_, it’s like _The Office_. Oh! And there’s _One Day at a Time_!”

James’ hands were folded on his lap, he wasn’t expressing any kind of excitement at her suggestions. Instead, he looked nervous. His fingers were tapping against his wrists and his eyes were locked on the television screen. 

Lily prompted him to speak again, “Have you seen any of those shows, James?”

“Yeah,” he swallowed, “A few of ‘em.”

She only managed to get a few sentences out of him the rest of the trip. Neither of them slept the entire trip even though they were both clearly exhausted. Sirius, of course, slept like a dog. Lily didn’t know if James felt like he had to stay awake because Lily stayed awake, but she wasn’t about to go to sleep around him or Sirius. She didn’t want them to see her cry like a baby in the dark. 

She had to be brave and strong.

When they were all walking up to Lily’s seaside home in Malibu, Lily saw James glance at the cat in her arms. He’d originally been looking around at her garden, lost in a daydream. His attention to Juniper was justified now though, as the black cat was yowling to be put down. 

“What’s wrong with her?” he asked Lily.

“She’s spoiled, rotten, that’s what's wrong.” Sirius said, moody ever since he’d woken up, jet lag getting him.

Lily heaved Juniper higher into both arms, “Juniper, be quiet.”

James stared at Lily like she was mad for chastising her cat like a child. Lily overlooked his gaze, feeling a blush creep into her cheeks. Lily stared at the front door stubbornly, wondering how and why she hadn’t run James off yet. She glanced back at him and saw he was still watching the cat, his hands stuffed in his pockets. When James caught Lily sneaking a look, he looked away to stare at a rose bush by her door. 

Lily traced his hard-pressed jawline with her mind. He really didn’t know how to make friends, she determined. Lily blew her hair out of her eyes and unlocked the door using her thumbprint on the door handle. James looked impressed at the tech.

“Where was that in Scotland?” he whistled.

Lily shrugged, “that doesn’t need as much fancy tech, it’s only meant to be a summer cottage.”

“Besides,” Sirius joked, “who needs fancy tech with you and that gun?”

“I said sorry,” James actually sounded like he might be joking with Sirius as they entered her home together.

Lily buried her face in Juniper’s fur as she stepped onto the main level of the three-level villa. The first level was her kitchen and sitting area, filled with random awards and fascinating trinkets that she’d found in antique shops over the years. The cleaners had been there because Lily smelled bleach and other cleaning products. The entire back wall was glass, looking out at the Pacific Ocean. 

“Damn,” Sirius said as he set the bags near the door, “I missed California.”

Lily let Juniper go and the cat ran up the marble lined staircase. Lily fell onto a nearby sofa and stared out her windows in awe as she’d forgotten what California looked like after spending so long in the UK. James seemed impressed, walking to the long line of windows and looking out at the dark blue ocean.

“You had this house,” he muttered, “and yet you stayed in _Scotland_?”

Sirius nodded at James’ awe-inspired tone, “wait until you see her New York condo...”

James spun on his heel, “Why?”

Lily flushed self-consciously, “it’s nothing special.”

Sirius betrayed her, “it has a full-sized indoor pool in the living area.”

James’ jaw dropped, “why do you even _need_ that?”

Lily defended herself immediately, “Peter’s the one who picked out the condo, I didn’t know about the pool or the rooftop bar until I moved in!”

“Rooftop bar,” James laughed mirthlessly, his fingers messing up his hair, “a bloody _rooftop bar_.”

Sirius shook his head at James before leaning down to kiss Lily once on each cheek, “I have to go, I made plans to record with Ella.”

“Ella’s recording?” Lily perked up at the name, knowing it belonged to her friend Ella who went by Lorde on stage.

Sirius nodded, stretching, “and I want to get a few hours of sleep before I’m set to meet her.”

“Tell her I say hello.” Lily said, “I hope recording goes well.”

“She’s always a breeze to produce for.” Sirius winked at Lily, “unlike you.”

Lily offered her friend a rude hand gesture and he continued laughing as he walked out the door. No sooner had Sirius walked out, Peter waltzed in with his tablet in his hand.

“Okay, Marlene will be here in fifteen to do your make up for the Robin Roberts interview at eight tonight. Do you have any clothes to wear? Or do we need to text Dorcas to get you one?”

“Hello Peter,” Lily sighed deeply as Peter used a stylus to click things on his tablet, “my flight was great, thanks for asking.”

Peter eyed her over his tablet, “Hi Lily.”

She smiled at his exasperation, “and?”

“How was your flight?” he deadpanned.

“We watched a lot of New Girl.” She said, “and the stewardess got us Pizza during the quick turnaround in New York.”

“Lovely,” Peter said, “Back to business.”

Lily groaned and fell back against the armrest. James was watching from the corner of the room, standing upright but looking down at her as she dramatically placed the back of her hand to her forehead.

“I just got home, Peter,” she said, “let a girl breathe.”

“You’ve had three months to breathe.” Peter looked down at this tablet again, “if you want, I can schedule you for a private yoga class tomorrow morning.”

“Yoga.” Lily scoffed and finally Peter laughed.

Peter kicked at her legs, his way of asking her to let him have room to sit. When he settled next to her, he pulled a bedazzled pink phone from his pocket. Lily perked up at the sight of her work phone, which had been taken from her after the Manchester incident. Peter handed it over to her, marking the end of her sabbatical and the start of carrying two phones again.

“You should post a picture on Instagram with Robin Roberts,” Peter told her, “market your interview. It’ll air tomorrow morning.”

“Right.” Lily said, dropping the phone onto the floor and stretching her legs out over Peter’s lap, “when’s the meeting with Disney?”

“Tomorrow morning.” Peter just worked over her legs, typing into his tablet, “I’m e-mailing you two more contracts to sign by tonight. One is for Disney’s legal team and the other is for the new album contract.”

“Peter,” she drew out the syllables in his name dramatically, “one thing at a time, please. It’s been months.”

Peter just patted her knee sympathetically, “I know, I’m sorry but you were gone three months. We have a lot of catching up to do.”

There was a knock on the front door. Lily threw her legs off Peter and stood up, straightening her dress. James followed her closely as she waltzed over to her front door. She saw his hand on his belt, where his gun was in a holster. Lily sent him a glare to step back before she opened the door and squeals of excitement cut through the silence.

“Marley!” Lily felt a huge smile cross her face, opening the door wider as Marlene McKinnon flung herself around Lily in a huge hug.

The southern belle was taller than Lily at five foot seven. Her curly brown hair was perfectly styled, and her make-up was flawless, as always. Lily would expect nothing less than glamorous from the model turned make-up artist. Marley and Lily had been friends for a long time, ever since they met at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show where Lily sang as Marlene romped around in her angel wings and bralettes.

“You have been gone too long,” Marlene proclaimed with her thick Alabama accent, “you’ve missed all the best parties!”

Marley took Lily’s hand when Lily pulled away, “I know Marley, I’m sorry, I needed a break.”

Marley’s eyes grew dark and she clucked her tongue, “of course, I can’t imagine.”

“Marlene,” Peter called from the lounger, “get in here, she had the interview in an hour.”

“Hello Peter!” Marlene called and the two girls rolled their eyes at each other.

Marlene only noticed James after the door was closed. She was at eye level with James in her ballet flats, but had she worn her stilettos she would’ve towered over him. James stared at Marley, dumbstruck. Lily felt a twinge of jealousy in her gut as she realized he was checking her out. Of course, he would, he was a presumably straight man after all. Marlene was the prettiest woman alive, even Lily stared at her in awe sometimes, but still.

“Who’re you?” Marlene’s eyes looked James up and down with just as much intrigue.

“Marley, James.” Lily motioned between them and her voice seemed to break James from his trance, “James is my bodyguard.”

Well honey,” Marlene held out a hand for James to shake, “I ain’t gonna beat around the bush, my body is open to be guarded anytime.”

James’ skin went a shade darker than normal. Lily took a deep breath, took Marlene’s hand, and led her away from James before he said anything. Marlene bounced along at Lily’s side and she leaned down to whisper in Lily’s ear.

“Is he single?”

“Aren’t you seeing Dorcas?” Lily asked through clenched teeth.

“He can see us both,” Marlene purred, “she won’t mind.”

Lily sent Marlene a pointed stare and Marlene sensed the topic was not allowed. She looked disappointed and glanced at James more than once as they went upstairs to Lily’s vanity. Marlene had been doing her make up for so long it only took her thirty minutes to get Lily’s face made up. When she was done and Lily looked in the mirror, suddenly she was looking back at the old Lily. Red lips, red cheeks, and no circles under her eyes.

“You’re a miracle worker, Marley.” Lily whispered as Marlene finished curling the last strand of Lily’s long red hair, “I actually look decent for once.”

“Nah darlin,” Marlene disagreed, “you always look like an angel.”

Peter was tapping his foot at the base of the stairs when Lily finally appeared, dressed for her interview. She’d chosen to wear a little pink dress with frills, something that showed off her figure. Marlene and James followed behind Lily, both of them on either side of her. Peter motioned for Lily to hurry up.

“Robin and her crew set up on the porch.”

Lily had done plenty of interviews for Good Morning America. She was greeted by the crew warmly the minute she stepped out onto the desk and the sea breeze whisked through her curled hair. Marley immediately jumped into action with a can of hairspray and bobby pins. Robin Roberts, a nice anchor who’d known Lily since she was a kid, waved from where she was getting touch ups on her make up.

“Hi Robin,” Lily said once they were close enough to each other, “how are you?”

The interview was pushing her limits from the second Lily sat down in the chair under the lights. Robin Roberts might’ve been kind, but she was still a reporter and as such, jumped immediately to the thing everyone was wondering.

“How are you doing after the bomb in Manchester?”  
Lily felt like she froze for an entire year and she was triggered back to her nightmares. She pinched herself, trying to stay in the present, not the past.

“I’m fine,” she lied and for some reason she didn’t know, her eyes found James’ behind the camera.

His eyes hadn’t left her since the cameras started rolling. She wondered if he was judging her, now that he was seeing her among the glitz and the glamour. He was looking at her like the rest of the world looked at her, like she was just another spoiled, ungrateful, wild child star. After all, for the last few months he’d only seen the Scotland Lily. Scotland Lily wore joggers and loose shirts. Scotland Lily passed her time on the couch re-watching Reign on the TV.

She didn’t know why it bothered her so much that he might be judging her. They weren’t even close to friends, but his fixed stare concerned her enough that she wanted to scream at him: ‘_This isn’t who I am! I’m not a Princess, this isn’t a fairy tale!’_ until he promised that he wasn’t thinking poorly of her. She wanted him to think she was normal; she didn’t want him to start treating her differently.

The entire GMA team left after two hours and Peter left with them, promising to meet her at Disney studios in the morning. Marley stayed to drink wine and order take out until one in the morning. After she left, Lily sat on the sofa in her sitting room, watching the waves outside her windows glow under the full moon.

James startled her from her daze when started opening closets and doors around her.

“What are you doing?” she asked him.

“Checking for anything suspicious.”

She analyzed James as he checked every lock on every window. She would be annoyed, if it wasn’t something that she’d been doing every time she entered any unfamiliar room since Manchester. She wondered if it would be childish to ask him to look behind open doors and under the beds upstairs too. She didn’t have to ask, he was going through all her things, even her bedroom as she took her make up off in the mirror. Rruthfully, she was just happy that she didn’t have to be the paranoid one for once.

For the first night in a long time, she was actually relaxed when she realized that James truly cared about keeping her safe.

“Thank you,” she said to him, when he was leaving her room, “for everything.”

His hand caught on her door and he looked back at her as she climbed into her bed filled with down pillows, “just doing my job.” 

He reached to turn off her light, but she stopped him with a little squeak. His hand fell from the light switch and he looked at her oddly. He didn’t need to know she was scared of the dark. 

“I’ll get it.” she said, “it’s okay being on, I’m going to read some.”

“Oh,” he looked awkward standing there, bouncing foot to foot, “Right, sorry.”

She offered him a small smile, “see you in the morning?”

“Yeah,” his hand shot to his hair and he ruffled the strands uneasily, “G’night.”

“Night.”

She was still smiling as he shut the door. Juniper jumped up on the bed with her and Lily tucked her close to her side. Lily pet her cat as she pondered her bodyguard. She couldn’t help but shake the feeling that he was keeping her from seeing his real character. He clearly had a sense of humor, but something kept him from using it.

Lily got out her phone and texted Sirius, _do you think James hates me?_

Sirius texted back almost instantly, _Definitely not. _

_But what if he does?_

_Get some sleep, Lily. _

The next morning was rough, Lily had to be at Disney studios for a meeting with Peter at seven in the morning. Not enough coffee in the world could’ve saved her. It seemed her new companion wasn’t a morning person either because James just nodded at her that morning in the kitchen when he’d come out of the room where the security cameras were. She realized he’d stayed up all night watching the cameras to keep her safe. 

They both looked like zombies as they caught a cab to the studio together. Lily made sure to stop at Starbucks on her way into the studio and was surprised when James didn’t order coffee. Lily took a sip from her mocha as he bought a smoothie. She noticed in Scotland that he didn’t eat sugar and he was often drinking protein shakes. 

Clearly, James was a health buff. 

They walked into the studio side by side, Lily leading the way. The July air was warm, and Lily suddenly missed the cooler Scottish weather. Lily glanced sideways at her guard, who always wore black. James was sweating from the heat, shuffling along next to her like he was struggling. She wondered if he was required to wear all black, or if he just wanted to look threatening. 

Before Lily could do or say anything though, she was startled into a standstill in the middle of the lobby of the studio. Steven was standing there, right next to Peter, holding sunflowers.

“Surprise!” Peter said from beside Steven, “Look who texted me last night!”

“Steven?” She knew his blonde curls anywhere and didn’t miss the way he smiled at her, like she mattered. 

Like she was top of his list.

“Hey babe!”

“What—what are you doing here?” She hugged him, still shook by his sudden appearance, “I thought you were going to be in New York?”

“I wanted to surprise you,” he flashed the flowers, “and I brought your favorite, sunflowers!”

Lily smiled for real, but it was a hesitant smile. Steven wrapped his arm around her waist, planting a kiss right on her mouth. His lips were soft, warm, and familiar.

A part of Lily knew the second she saw him again that it would happen this way. It's not really anything he said or anything he did, it was the feeling that came along with his hands around her waist. And the crazy thing was that she didn’t know if she’d ever feel that way again, but she doesn’t know if she should. They always moved fast and burned too bright, maybe he knew that and that why he kept coming back, because he knew it’d never last forever.

Either way, she lost her balance on the tightrope, swinging down into his arms that she used as a safety net. The worst part of it all wasn't knowing she’d still lose him; it was losing herself in the process.

Lily muttered against his lips, “What are you really doing in LA?”

“I missed you.”

Peter looked as if Christmas had come early when Lily pulled away from Steven’s mouth. He hugged them both gawkily. Lily patted Peter on his shoulder before he broke the hug, knowing he just wanted to see her happy.

“I’m so happy to see you two together again,” he said brightly, “just like old times, eh.”

“Like we’re seventeen again,” Steven agreed, winking at Lily, “when we snuck into that party, do you remember?”

“Yeah,” Lily breathed, “I was a duchess and you pretended to be a Prince.”

Steven laughed, showing off his dimples, “I remember.”

“Speaking of royalty,” Peter’s phone buzzed, and he shifted back into business, “time to go upstairs, Lily.”

She hadn’t expected Steven at all, especially since he’d seemed to be pulling away since their last rendezvous in New York. Steven kept one arm around her waist as he started dragging her towards the elevators. Peter followed, telling Lily that Disney was going to hand her papers and a deal for the new Princess movie. Lily tried to pay attention to Peter, but her mind was stuck on Steven’s hold on her waist.

Sirius would accuse her of losing her mind, which was true, she had lost her mind. She’s barely been back in Hollywood a total of twenty-four hours and she was already falling back into nasty habits. She considered that maybe, she ought to have told Steven she wasn’t mentally capable of losing him again for months at a time, but she was afraid. She was being a coward all because she was holding onto a past that she could no longer get back.

It was James that snapped all of them out of their own heads when Steven tried to close the doors to the elevator and James stopped the doors with a firm hand. The door immediately opened. James stared at Steven and Steven stared at James.

“Who’re you?” Steven queried, eyeing James’ stature. 

“Her bodyguard.” James nodded at Lily, “I take it this’ll be the Steve that Sirius mentioned?”

“Steven, please. Steve is my dad.” Steven whipped out his best politician smile and held out his hand to James, “What’s your name?”

“James.” her bodyguard replied curtly.

“Jamie?” Steven joshed.

“James.”

“Jim?”

James looked like he might deck Steven, “No, just James.”

Lily wondered if Sirius had warned James about Steven. Sirius never got a lot of alone time with James, so she doubted it. Still, James looked at Steven like he was the biggest prat on the face of the earth. 

“Steven, James is my new bodyguard.” Lily clarified, trying to clear the air.

“When did you get him?” Steven asked, tightening his grip around Lily’s waist covetously, “in Scotland?”

“Yeah,” Lily said, “Ever since Manchester.”

“Where are you from?” Steven asked James, eyeing his dark skin, hazel eyes, and black hair.

Lily placed a hand on Steven’s chest, her fingers sliding against the soft silk of his button-down shirt, “James is from the UK, just like me.”

“Right, the accent.” He hit his forehead, “I’m an idiot, forgive me James?”

“Sure.”

Lily could tell by the tone of James’ voice that he didn’t forgive Steven’s bigoted point. Steven might’ve been raised to deal with the public his whole life and yet he struggled when it came to actually being personable with someone. James had never looked more aggravated than he did in the moment that he stood next to Peter in the elevator. Peter tried exchanged pleasantries with James, but James was too busy glaring at Steven. Lily felt bad for James and wanted to say something to him but he wouldn’t even look at her. Steven seemed to want to win James over, because he spent the whole way to the meeting asking James what sports he played in school and where he went to Uni. 

“I didn’t go to Uni.” James said as they stepped out onto level six, “I joined the British military.”

Lily forgot he’d been a soldier; Alice had told her that before they’d met. Lily wondered why James left the Military. Certainly, a man like James, tolerant and proficient, would rise up fast. He definitely had a grave soldierly manner about him. She’d only seen him smile once or twice.

She wished he’d do it more often. 

He just looked so sad all the time. Lily was sad all the time, but she’d learned how to hide it in public. Well that, and no one ever let her feel sorry for herself. Everyone loved to remind Lily how lucky she was to be famous, rich, and a singer. It was like the world totally disregarded how hard she worked to get to where she was in life. Lily straightened her blazer, wishing she could go back in time to tell herself what she knew now.

Steven had to wait outside the meeting until she was done going over her contract with Peter and Disney execs. James stood in the corner of the room, looking for once like he fit in, because his dark clothes matched the business attire Lily was encircled by. Lily ended up signing a three-movie contract with Disney, promising her voice for the character they’d created. It was an easy sell, after they showed her the storyboards of Princess Piper, a girl who wanted nothing more than to rule the country in her ill-brother’s place. The Princess was stubborn, funny, refined and smart.

In other words, Piper was everything Lily wanted to be.

“I’m so excited to be in the studio with you,” the director told Lily once all the papers were signed, “Alen Menken is writing the soundtrack with Lin Manuel.”

“A real-life Disney Princess,” Peter hugged Lily with one arm as they finished up with the lawyers.

Lily’s lawyer, Albus, patted Lily on the back, “your mum would be so proud.”

Lily smiled kindly at the old man, “thank you Albus.”

Lily’s heart reeled at the mention of her mother. Lily’s mother, Rose Evans, had always said that Lily had the voice of a Disney Princess. Lily only wished Rose was alive to see Lily voicing Princess Piper on screen. Lily tucked her hair behind her ear and wiped one tear away from her eye. Peter didn’t notice her happy disposition drop but James must’ve, he was glowering at her attentively as they left the room.

Steven appeared no more than two seconds after she got into the main hall. He swept forward, kissing Lily again and shoving the sunflowers into her hands. He wrapped an arm around her waist as he continued kissing her in front of Peter, James, and Albus.

“I can’t wait for dinner, let’s grab lunch.”

Lily shook her head, pulling away from his mouth, “Peter and I have lunch with Albus--”

“Lily,” Peter shook his head, interrupting her, “I’ve got this. Go out with Steven.”

“But I hardly get to see Albus,” Lily looked at her old family friend, “Are you in town much longer?”

Albus nodded, his white beard touching his chest, “I’m on a long trial, should be around for a few weeks.” He smiled, “go, don’t worry about Peter and I.”

Lily chewed her lip as she looked between Peter, Albus, and Steven. Albus seemed to sense her despair and hugged her quickly.

“Go,” he urged.

“You heard your lawyer,” Steven said, tugging on her waist, “let’s get out of here.”

She was still in love with the idea of loving Steven but loving him was so complex. There was the whole issue of his parents wanting him to end up with a Jackie, not a Marylin. Steven always said he’d stick around but he was always disappearing for weeks on end. He’d bring her flowers and surprise her with gusto that seemed genuine. He’s always invited her to New York, but he’s never once gone to England with her.

“My favorite sushi place is not too far.” She told Steven in the elevator, “Let’s go there.”

James didn’t seem happy with the arrangements, but he was less happy with Steven, so he kept a wide berth from the couple. He even let Lily ride in Steven’s car and he took a cab alone. Lily was thankful James _wasn’t_ in Steven’s car because while the driver drove them for Sushi, Steven kissed Lily with his hands up her skirt. And she let him. The memories of his hands on her body in dark hotel rooms erased any leftover reservations Lily had about him being in LA. She needed to feel something other than the sadness that kept pulling her down and Steven was more than willing to make her feel.

The owners of the restaurant were thrilled to see Lily when she walked through the doors. Guests in the black booths lining the walls got out their phones. Camera flashes went off as she was escorted to the back kitchen, James and Steven following close behind. She was a regular at the sushi’s bar whenever she was writing her new albums. She’d written three songs in their restaurant alone. Her picture even adorned the wall next to The Rock’s, one of Lily’s proudest achievements if only because she was obsessed with Dwayne Johnson. 

The owners both kissed Lily’s cheeks twice and sat her down in a chair in the kitchen. Steven took the seat across from her, leaning it back so that it balanced on two legs. Steven needed a menu, but Lily already knew what to order. James stood mute by the door. 

“Do you want anything, James?”

James opened his phone up and she had half a mind of throwing her reusable straw at his head. Lily glared meaningfully at James and opened her mouth to ask him again.

“James. Do. You. Want. Anything.”

"I heard you the first time." James wrinkled his nose at her.

'What do you want, then." Lily said, "I'll buy."

Steven kicked her heel lightly under the table. 

“You aren’t supposed to feed ‘em Lily.” Steven muttered at her, shaking his head, “They’re being paid to protect you, not get free food every time you go out.”

“He hasn’t eaten since this morning.”

“I’m fine.” James said brashly, making Lily jump a bit, “but thanks for the offer, Lily.”

“You’re welcome, James.” Lily sent a barbed stare at Steven, “See? James _appreciated_ the offer.”

Steven rolled his eyes, “You’re too nice for your own good.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

The argument was dropped, and Steven ordered his lunch.

Abby the manager mothered Lily as they set an order of sushi in front of Lily, “you’re too skinny!”

“I don’t have a chef anymore, Abby,” Lily confessed, “and you know I can’t cook!”

“I will make you _two_ bowls of rice. One for here and one to take home.”

“Yes, we must add egg rolls.” The cook said from the fryer, “she’s famished!”

Steven leaned into the table, placing his hand on her knee under the table. Lily thought she heard James mumble under his breath, but it was hard to tell. There was too much happening, and Stevens hand was getting critically devious.

“I think you look great, for the record.”

Lily pushed his hand off her thigh, “I haven’t slept right in _months_, Steven.”

He winked, unfazed by her annoyance, “I can help you sleep, if you’d like.”

Lily bit her lip, sorely tempted. She wasn’t technically alone anymore with James right across the hall, but God her bedroom seemed so dark and empty at night. As if Steven could see her mind wavering in favor of him, his hand slipped back on her leg under their little makeshift table. He was acting like he was going to feel her up right there, in the back of her favorite sushi restraunt. Steven was always like that. 

Quick to kiss her and even faster to leave her. 

Lily wasn’t strong enough to tell Steven no, especially after he dragged her to their favorite beach bar and got a few margaritas in her. By the end of the afternoon, her arms were around his neck and she was planting kisses all over his face. Steven knew she hated sleeping alone, it was one of the reasons Lily let Juniper on the bed even before the nightmares started. When she felt something breathing right next to her, she felt safe. 

That’s the reason she gave herself for giving into Steven’s suggestive touches, despite knowing it wouldn’t end well. She ended up leading him into her bedroom that night, long after the movie they watched ended. She hadn’t seen James for a while, but she had a feeling he was making himself scarce on purpose. She hoped he wasn’t too grossed out and that’s why he’d disappeared. She’d tried to keep Steven G-rated for James’ sake.

Stephan kissed Lily until her mouth ached, and she no longer worried about where James had gone off too. He worshiped her skin until she had bite marks up and down her arms. She was caught up in his touch, knowing it was a treacherous slope she’d slipped down a thousand times, but she didn’t stop him. She didn’t want too, she just wanted to keep him there. 

She let him have her, however he wanted. He was kissing her heavily, the tension between them so thick she could cut it with a knife. His body rolled against hers, creating friction as the sun set outside her windows. Their clothes were in the way and her hands started undoing his belt. Steven jerked back when he realized what she was doing.

She saw his eyes flicker to the clock, and she knew he was going to say he had plans that night and couldn’t stay. She knew he was going to try and leave her, despite her body giving him every indication that she was eager for more. She leaned in the space between them, trying to kiss him.

“It’s getting late.” 

He rolled off her bed, straightening his tie around his neck. His hand paused at her bedroom door, threatening to leave but not done yet. He was trying to buckle his belt when Lily’s hand stopped him. She fell to her knees in front of him, keeping him in her room by any means necessary. She unzipped his trousers, pulled them down his hips.

“Lily I have to go_oh_.” and suddenly Steven’s threats to leave turned to hearty sighs.

Her mouth shackled Steven to her, his back hard-pressed against her bedroom door. The room was scorching with invisible fire as his fingers wound up in her hair, forgetting any plans to leave. He told her he loved her, like he always did when she sucked him off.

When she was done and he was weak, she led him back to bed. She curled up at his side, listening to his heartbeat. It was still fast from her work, lulling her to sleep as his fingers brushed through her hair.

“You’re trouble, Lil.” He whispered, "you know I gotta go."

“Stay.” She begged.

“I’m right here.”

His words were just words though, because he still left her. He snuck out of bed the moment she’d fallen asleep against his chest, feeling him breathe. She woke up at midnight with no proof the night had really happened besides an empty bed, her hair a mess, and a soiled shirt. She ran into her connected loo, turning on the shower as tears slipped down her face.

“This is the last time,” she swore as she pulled her shirt off and threw it to the marble floor.

Every time, Steven breaks her heart in the blink of an eye.

Lily muffled her sobs into her hands, hating herself for giving in to her desperate thoughts again. She prayed James didn’t hear anything, she prayed that he was asleep. Lily stepped into the shower and turned the water onto high pressure, letting the water drown out her cries. 

She kept her head down the rest of the day, determined not to let James see her for what she really was. She felt pathetic. Steven had made her the lovestruck fool once again. She forgave too easily. 

Lily made James follow her to every department store in the city until her feet hurt and the car trunk was filled with shopping bags, she pretended she was looking for something that she couldn’t find in every store. 

The only real thing Lily needed to find, was herself. 

Lily finally stopped hopping from department store to buy Bailey’s and spiked chocolates from her favorite liquor store in Malibu. James followed her wordlessly, not even speaking when she walked past her front door and around the backside of her villa where the sweeping sand dunes led to the dark blue ocean that sparkled with diamond-like quality. Lily fell into the sand miserably and opened the box of chocolates. Her toes dug into the sand as she chewed on a dark chocolate. In her pocket, her phone rang. Lily dropped the chocolate in the sand and reached for her phone. It was Steven. She cursed as James slowly kneeled beside her and began picking chocolates out of the sand.

“Hello?” Lily answered her phone, “Steven?”

“Hey Lily,” his service sounded choppy, “I just wanted to say that last night was, well, great.”

“Then come back.” She snapped angrily, “or that’s the last time it’ll ever happen.”

“I missed you.” He said, skirting around her demand, “I miss you even now.”

She pushed her fingers into her hair, “I mean it Steven, that’s the last time.”

Silence cut between them. She could hear his music blasting out of his stereo and other voices, his friends undoubtedly. 

“The boys and I are going deep sea fishing.” He said, “I’ll be back in August and we can pick up where we left off. I had to fly back to Maryland, baby, I’m sorry...”

And she said, “I’m sorry too.”

She hung up, aware that if he did show up, it would be Hell. Lily texted Sirius, asking him to stop by. He replied back quickly, he was in Mexico working. Lily looked over to find James throwing the discarded chocolates she’d thrown into the sand covered box. Lily shoved her phone in her bra strap, feeling like a bitch for not realizing he was cleaning up her mess.

“Fuck, James, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay I—"

Lily kneeled and took her things from his hands. James backed away when their hands touched, like she’d shocked him. James rubbed his hands together and looked down at the chocolate in her hands.

“Sorry, about your chocolate.”

She had a feeling he didn't actually mean the chocolates were what he was sorry about. Her heart quickened as he looked her up and down carefully, purposely. 

“It’s fine,” she said, “I have the Bailey’s and the wine fridge.”

James made a sound like he was going to stop her but she walked away from him, her mind set on one goal: Forget.

Forget Steven

Forget Manchester.

Forget everything just for one night.

She deserved that much.

She needed a break and she needed one immediately. The Bailey’s was mixed with ice cream and then she pulled out a whole bottle of her favorite wine. She drank it all in a half hour. Lily got dressed in her shortest black dress, put on a pink wig from her Halloween costume from three years ago, and made her way to the taxi she called for.

She was going dancing.

James had followed her at a respectable distance all day but the moment her foot touched the taxicab, he grabbed her wrist when she tried to get in. She struggled against his hold, complaining. The pink wig shone in the moonlight.

“Let me go!”

“No.”

She was drunk, not seeing straight, and he looked upset. She was thankful that when she started crying, he pretended not to notice. She tugged against his grip until she fell on her arse. That’s why she saw she was wearing one ballet flat and one stiletto. Her crying stopped, she hiccupped, and then sniggered. She reached down and grabbed the stiletto’s heel.

James knelt down on the ground beside her after he told the taxi to leave. She barely noticed it was gone, she was so caught up in her two different shoes. James touched her bare shoulder carefully. She looked up and saw nothing but kind hazel eyes.

“You have pretty eyes.”

“Can I pick you up?” He asked tenderly.

She nodded and he cradled her in his arms. James laid her in her bed, leaving the light on for her. She lay still until her tears had dried and her mind was slipping into a hazy sleep. 

She dreamed the smoke from the bomb in Manchester was smothering her, killing her. Dark eyes stared at her, dead inside. She woke up tangled in her sheets, covered in sweat. Lily pushed herself off the chair and went into the loo, throwing up. She wiped her tears away as she pulled off her dress and pink wig. She got into the shower, washing away her nightmares with water so hot it that burned her skin red.


	3. Untouchable

July turned to August.

Lily loathed herself for even thinking that Steven might call her on August first. She saw he was tagged in a photo on Instagram by one of his DC friends, but she heard nothing from him. By the end of the first week of August she stopped bringing her phone into the recording studio with her at Disney Studios. By the second week of August, she forced herself to come to terms that Steven wasn’t good for her mind or body.

That still didn’t make the sting of rejection hurt any less.

Steven sent Lily back her red scarf, the one he’d stolen from her the last time she was in New York. There was no note, and it was addressed from his sister’s house in Vermont. The house where he’d first told her that he loved her. 

To top it all off, Lily’s father had called and told Lily that her sister, Petunia, was now engaged to be married. Lily had only met Petunia’s fiancé once and all she could say was that he looked like a walrus and laughed like a whale. Lily wasn’t happy to hear her sister had chosen Vernon Dursley of all people to marry but, Lily supposed Petunia liked the sense of normalcy Vernon could offer her.

Lily sat on the beach outside of her Malibu home one warm August afternoon. She’d gotten back from a meeting with the animators of _Piper_ with Disney and gone straight to the ocean. Her toes were digging into the sand as the sun set on the horizon. She stared out at the pink and purple sky, watching as the sun turned everything around her a golden red color. The white caps of the waves were mimicking the sky, something she memorized later for a song she needed to write.

There was no one with her on the beach, except for her bodyguard, and James never said much. Lily glanced back to see he was still watching her from the massive deck attached to her home. He was leaning on the railing, talking on his phone. The beach was the only place he didn’t really follow her much. He didn’t seem to like walking in the sand, despite running on it pretty regularly.

His lack of favor for the sandy was probably why she sat on the beach so much, simply because it gave her space from his calculating hazel eyes. Over the last three weeks he’d been watching her closely. It was like he was waiting for something to happen. Lily often wondered if he was waiting for her to crack, especially considering how much she’d taken to drinking as of late.

She’d go work at Disney, nursing a headache from her previous nightly escapades. She’d go out to dinner with friends or have meetings that lasted well into the night with Peter planning every little move. She’d have drinks in hand to keep her hands from shaking as cameras were pointed in her direction in every restaurant. Hypercritical whispers followed her from the dark hallways of every public residence all the way back home to Malibu.

Every time Lily went out in public, she was at her wits end. Certain days she thought she couldn’t make it at all. That’s what scared her the most, was the weight of the world on her shoulders, pressing her farther and farther into the shadows of Hollywood. She was due to appear at an awards ceremony that night and she just wasn’t mentally prepared to put on a fake smile for the cameras again.

Lily exhaled deeply and fell back against the sand, letting the waves wash over her torso and soak her in cold saltwater that made her T-shirt cling to her skin. The water woke her up only a little. She dug her hands into the sand and hid another quiet sob from James. 

Sometimes she wondered if she ought to let the waves sweep her away, because what else did she have to live for besides her career? 

Ever since she was a kid, Lily had dreamed of being a superstar singer songwriter with a fancy car and even fancier house. She’d gotten her dream at eleven when her _now_ manager Peter discovered her at a pub back home in London. Peter was the one who convinced her to try out for Sing It! - the show that she eventually won with her voice, a guitar, and original song. 

Back then, everything had been so simple. Fame was a reward and Lily was welcomed into the world of the stars with open arms. The industry ate her up: the small-town British girl with big city dreams. She was given awards, money, fame, and a record contract, all the things she’d ever wanted. She’d even gotten her first real relationship with a boy she’d thought she’d marry one day.

Lily met Steven on a rooftop, in the spring of 2016. He caught her eye late one night, when they were only seventeen. Lily was wild, caught up in her fame and they both ran crazy, hand in hand, without any cares. Lily can't remember what song was playing when he walked in, the night he snuck into her hotel room and she let reservations fall between them as quickly as their clothes. 

All Lily knew now, was that he was trouble the moment he walked in. Her mind still ached from their last encounter, of him claiming to love her only to leave her. Lily felt like crying whenever she saw sunflowers in the store, and she hated turning on the news and seeing his father on the campaign trail. Steven was the splitting image of his father and just as careless with his words and actions.

Lily hummed quietly. She let her eyes and head roll backwards so she could see James. The LA sun only made his skin darker the past few weeks. He was easily spotted on her white deck, binoculars attached to his face. He was staring down at her, guarding her as always. He was looking for paparazzi, they’d been circling Lily like vultures at a kill. Lily doubt he’d find any reporters on the beach, even Rita Skeeter, and she was an expert at staying hidden.

Rita had a personal vendetta to get Lily in trouble. Almost everywhere Lily went, Rita and her stupid camera boy Greg were there. Rita loved to paint Lily as some crazy girl who used her fame to travel the world, collecting men. No man could stand next to Lily without Rita going off on a twenty-page rant about how Lily liked to find a man, get too clingy, and then cry in a bathtub filled with pearls when the man eventually left her. Lily could be standing next to a complete stranger and Rita would somehow make it a tragic love story waiting to happen.

Lily stood up and wrung out her shirt before walking back up the beach and dunes. Her house was glowing under the sunset, casting hues of golden in James’ hair when he opened the gate for her as she made it to the top of the long staircase that rose off the dunes.

She avoided his stare, content with their unobtrusive relationship. 

She ignored him. 

He ignored her.

Beyond any points of his job to protect her, James acted nothing but professional. Sometimes when she was cooking, she thought she caught him smirking, but he’d look away quickly whenever she glanced his way. James wasn’t a stranger...but he wasn’t someone she knew very well either. He was just the guy who kept coming into the flashback of memories that she had late at night. He was the unexpected superhero who swooped in every time to carry Lily off her own burning stage. And time was taking its sweet time erasing the look on his face when their eyes met for the first time after he’d saved her.

“The sunset is pretty.”

She almost tripped on her own two feet. His voice was soft, like honey in the summer, drawing her out of her own thoughts. Lily half turned, her bare feet scattering sand across her balcony. James was staring at the remaining beam of light on the line of the sky where it met the sea. 

“I’m partial to sunsets in Scotland’s hills but these are the real million-dollar views.” 

She felt her heart tug in her chest when he turned to meet her gaze. He’d never spoken to her so directly, so casually. Normally the only words that are exchanged between them, were business terms with a thick lining of wariness. His voice, without all the firm soldier tones, was more like music. Suddenly, he backtracked, as if remembering he was talking to her. 

His head dropped and his hand flew to his hair, the nervous trait she’d caught onto by the second week of knowing him. Now, almost three months into their strange relationship, she was surprised to see a flush of red on his neck as if he were embarrassed.

“I’ll, I’ll go ahead and make sure the limo driver’s been checked for tonight.”

And he fell back into business, brushing past her with a sort of hurried rush that made her furrow her brow. Lily pulled at her sandy hair and clawed at her sticky clothes as she went into her air-conditioned house. The large white walls rose up to show off the grandeur of the beach mansion that Lily had originally bought for recording season.

Truth was, she hadn’t felt like recording anything since Manchester. Everything in her life was dark grey and it took all her willpower to even continue to appear at events and socialize. She was trying to forget about Steven, something she couldn’t do when he kept coming back to her for long weekends and quick kisses under the moonlight. She was trying to forget the red stained memories of Manchester that tore at her very career and shredded any hope. 

Peter, her manger, was insistent that she shouldn’t hide because it let the media have a reason to keep spreading negative press about her. They’d already had a field day when she didn’t show up to a fundraiser for the victims of her concert. Peter did everything he could to protect Lily from the media—but even he couldn’t stop the cameras. 

James let Marlene into the house at half past seven, both of them exchanging pleasantries that echoed through the house. Lily looked up from her glass of wine in the kitchen as Marley carried a dress in one arm and a make-up bag around her other arm into the kitchen. Marlene took in Lily’s sandy hair and wet clothes with a grimace akin to dissatisfaction.

Marlene placed her things on Lily’s kitchen island only to exclaim, “Jesus Christ Lily, you're sunburned!”

“Oh,” Lily looked down at the V-neck of her t-shirt and saw bright red skin, “oops.”

“You have to be in a strapless dress, in two hours.” Marlene held a hand to her forehead, “and you’re redder than my cousin Joey after his de-skunk tomato bath!”

Lily lifted her shirt and winced when she saw a clear line between white and red skin, “it’s not too bad.”

“I wasn’t aware you were going as the Little Mermaid to the awards show tonight!” Marlene looked about at her wits end.

Lily shrugged and grinned carelessly, “Guess we’ll have to cancel.”

“Like Hell,” Marlene grabbed Lily’s wrist and started pulling her out of the kitchen, “come on, you need a shower and aloe. A shit ton of aloe.”

Lily let Marlene guide her up the giant staircase and let Marlene shove her into the giant shower. She only started complaining when it was cold water rushing onto her hair and face instead of hot water. Marlene told Lily to stuff it as she began sorting through Lily’s cabinets, looking for something. When Marlene didn’t find what she was looking for, she leaned out Lily’s bathroom door.

“James!”

Marlene’s shriek was shrill. Lily thought she heard someone stumble on the stairs. 

“What’s wrong?” James sounded in pain right outside the door.

Marlene pulled on her brunette curls, “I need Aloe!”

“Pardon?” he was definitely in her room now, his voice sounded closer, “Allowed do to what?”

“Not Allowed, _aloe_!”

“Spell it for me?”

Lily giggled into her hand when Marlene took one of Lily’s hand towels and presumably chucked it in James’ direction.

“It’s for sunburns, James.” Marlene motioned behind her at Lily in the shower, something James couldn’t see, “she needs aloe vera.”

“Relax everyone.” Lily stepped out of her shower and wrapped a towel around herself, “I’m only slightly pink.”

Marlene turned to face Lily only to groan with despair, “Fuck.”

Lily rolled her eyes and looked in the fogged mirror only to see a shadowy outline of herself. Lily stepped past Marlene. James was leaning on her doorway, looking startled and dropping his eyes when she walked out until he seemed to realize Lily was in a towel. His eyes lifted when she stepped in front of her floor length mirror. Lily’s arms were red up to her shoulder and the slight V from her shirt was bright red, lobster-red.

“Well,” Lily hissed, “this is a little worse than slightly pink.”

“You think?” Marlene said from her spot.

“Red,” James’ voice, behind Lily, was filled with amusement.

“No shit sherlock,” Marlene had raced from the loo, poking Lily’s red neck with one finger, “Shit. Fuck. This ruins all my plans.”

“I was only out there for a few hours.” Lily whipped around to look at James, pouting when she saw he wasn’t even flushed from the time in the sun, “why aren’t you burned?”

James quirked an eyebrow at her before raising one of his dark arms, “we are two completely different skin tones, Red.”

Lily flushed, not that he could tell, thanks to her sunburn. She whipped around to look at herself in the mirror again. She clutched the towel to her skin, panicking as she realized she’d have to go on stage not only with her nerves…but also with skin the color of a tomato.

Marlene yanked her phone out of her pocket, “I need to call in a favor to Dorcas.”

Dorcas, much to Marlene’s relief, arrived thirty minutes later with an array of high-necked, form fitting evening gowns. Lily was forced to try every single one on until they found a dress that would hide the giant red V on her chest. They settled on a dark purple lace dress that had a neckline that went all the way up to the middle of Lily’s neck. Dorcas took the remaining dresses back to the store, but not before kissing Marlene goodbye.

Marlene did Lily’s nails and hair as they waited for James to return from the Drug Store where he was instructed to buy aloe. Marlene painted Lily’s nails first, the gel needing time to set properly. Music played in the background while Lily nursed her drink. Marlene was curling every strand of Lily’s red hair when James finally returned.

“Thank the good lord, Jesus,” Marlene looked up at Lily’s ceiling in thanks when James walked through the bedroom door and dropped a paper bag on Lily’s bed, “did you find aloe?”

“I’ve never had a sunburn in my life,” James admitted, “so I bought all the kinds they had, I didn’t know which was best.” 

“Any of ‘em will work on her fried skin.”

Lily turned her cheek to see James taking the plastic off one of the bottles. Marlene smacked Lily’s cheek to remind her to keep her head straight. Lily was forced to watched James in the mirror. He was opening a giant green aloe bottle, fumbling with the plastic. When he got the packaging off, he turned to face the girls and that’s when his eyes met Lily’s gaze in the mirror. He seemed startled for a moment, as if amazed to find she was watching him.

“Thank you.” She mouthed, and she saw the slightest of nods come from him.

James stood in front of the mirror a few seconds later, kneeling at Lily’s chair. He held out the bottle to Lily, but Marlene interrupted his attempt to pass off the aloe.

“She just got her nails painted; you’ll have to do it for her.”

James’ eyes grew wide and he looked at Lily like she was something untouchable. Lily tried to smile, just to ease the look of panic on his face. His hands were shaking as he squeezed some of the thick and gooey aloe gel onto his fingers. Lily held her breath as he stood up to lean over her. His face was only a foot from hers as his fingers rubbed the gel into her cheeks.

Something in her heart tugged as his hazel eyes traced the planes of her face delicately, as if he were looking at her for the first time. His fingers lifted from her face to get more of the gel and when he touched her face once more, she realized the fluttering in her stomach was the same type of fluttering she’d get before shows. James was making Lily nervous but in a good way that made the hairs on the nape of her neck rise.

When he finished rubbing the aloe into areas suggested by Marlene, Lily was disappointed. His hands were firm and warm, a feeling she craved the moment she no longer had it at her disposal. He placed the cap back on the aloe and went into the loo to wash the bottle and his hands of the sticky gel. He excused himself right after, claiming to need to check on Frank, who was covering the house while James took Lily to the awards.

Lily watched him go, wondering what on Earth made her want to follow him.

Marlene eventually finished, even if it was an hour after they were supposed to be done. Peter was texting Lily from the red carpet, asking if she was on her way yet. Lily ran barefoot to the limo outside her property, feeling a bit like Cinderella. James followed close behind, tightening his tie around his neck as he slid into the seat beside Lily. Once the car was driving down the road, Lily texted Peter back that she was on her way.

Lily nerves were high, as she started focusing more on the awards. She wished she could fade out the noise in her head that came with the anxiety of crowded places. Ever since Manchester, crowds scared her. After all, anyone could be in the crowd and anyone could want to hurt her. She supposed that’s why she had James in the first place, to protect her at concerts and award shows but—the feeling of impending doom was something he couldn’t scare away with his intimidating force of nature.

Lily’s chest started tightening the moment she stepped out of her limo and the crowd’s screams echoed in her ears. Her hands were shaking, and she was clutching her purse so hard that her knuckles were white against the satin black. If Peter hadn’t promptly arrived and taken her by her waist, dragging her down the red carpet, Lily was certain she’d still be frozen in fear in front of the limo.

She tried to fight the feelings that came with every big crowd. She tried to be the same girl she’d been before the summer; she kept her head high, but the fear of another explosion cut right to her bones. She was so scared, she kept glancing nervously behind her during every interview on the red carpet. The camera flashes were dazzling, and Lily found herself slinking closer to James as she got into the thick of the crowd. James noticed her drawback and his hand lightly touched her wrist before drawing back so no one would notice the contact.

“You ok?” his voice was the calm amongst the storm.

“Yeah.” She lied.

Lily wanted to be her old self again. She knew it was there, the same girl who laughed at the slightest joke and wrote songs in the middle of the night for fun. She’d just gotten buried in the rubble and Lily had to dig her back out again. 

So, she lied, and put on a show for the world to see. She hugged everyone, forced a laugh, and feigned a smile. Just for once, Lily wished she could live in a world where there was time to grieve. But in Hollywood, yesterday’s headlines were nothing but conversations over a glass of wine in a hazy, fame induced dream. 

She only felt her heartbeat increase as she was sat down in the front row of the auditorium. James had to leave her, to go backstage where the rest of the guards were working. He was only really there for when Lily got on stage. Security covered the hall like a blanket but that didn’t make Lily feel any safer. She clung to her glass of alcohol like a safety blanket. When she finished the glass, she held onto it like it was an anchor.

The awards had been a requirement for her schedule, per Peter’s orders. Lily was up for two awards and truth be told; she didn’t want to win any of them. The stage loomed in front of her and the stage fireworks created smoke that sent her flying back to Manchester in her mind. Katy Perry kept trying to start up a conversation, but Lily just sunk farther into her seat at the show went on. Lily wished she were sitting with Sirius three rows back. She needed to hold someone’s hand. She settled for her glass.

“And this year’s artist of the year—Lily Evans!”

Lily forced Peter to hold her hand all the way to the stage when they called her name. People were gasping and clapping, cheering her name. Everyone always wanted to honor the winners. No one ever cared about the losers. Lily wished she were a loser.

Peter was mouthing the speech at her before the cameras panned in her direction on stage. It didn’t do much to help her.

“This—this year has been—“ and she froze, turned her head when a dark shadow flashed on stage.

But it wasn’t like Manchester, shadows here were jut shadows. Peter pushed her slightly and spoke into the microphone.

“Lily wants you all to know how lucky she is to have received this award.”

Lily caught the crowd’s reaction to Peter’s intervention. Whispers behind hands and judgmental stares over polite clapping. Lily realized what it was, disappointment. People were disappointed in her, standing there numb as a frozen statue. James met her in the wings of the stage, guiding her back to her seat. He didn’t offer her a congratulations, instead he examined every second of her distracted expression. James faded back into the background and she wished he was right at her side.

She had three shots of tequila at the after-party. She took each of them within minutes of each other, not caring about the cameras flashing as she did so. She just drank in the hopes that she’d be too wasted to wake up in the middle of the night. James watched her, at her side now that the awards were over. Sirius found them, looking positively dashing in a multi-colored suit that only made his grey eyes pop.

“James!” Sirius opened his arms wide at Lily’s bodyguard, “fancy seeing you here!”

“Sirius,” James nodded discreetly at Sirius, "you look nice."

"I know, right?" Sirius turned his thoughtfulness to Lily next, “congrats Evans!”

Lily smiled at Sirius, accepting his hug and making him stay in her arms a bit longer than he probably expected. Sirius was as close to comfort as she could get in a party filled with familiar faces from her TV screen. Sirius patted her shoulder before pulling back from her and holding a handout to James to shake.

“I’m surprised Lily hasn’t tried to escape your sights yet,” Sirius joked, “Chris Evans is here, and she’s got a massive crush on him.”

Lily shot Sirius a look and he only grinned wickedly. Peter finally appeared, he shoved a glass into Lily’s hand and then slapped her on her back. Lily was thankful the sunburn did not stretch to her back or she would’ve been in throbbing pain.

“Drink up!” Peter encouraged her when she didn’t move, “Dance! Do something! you won!”

Lily took a look at the champagne before taking a sip.

“The whole thing,” Peter said, “you need to relax. You’ve been hiding in the corner too long.”

“I don’t want to dance with strangers.”

Peter spotted Sirius, “take her dancing, would you?”

Sirius shook his head at Peter, “Oh no, the last time I danced with her at a party the paparazzi followed me for a month.”

Sirius’ reaction made her throw back the rest of the alcohol. She drank to relax herself and make her mind shut down. She didn’t want to think, not when there were too many eyes watching her every move. With alcohol burning through her blood, she was calm and smiling and happy. Everything they expected her to be.

She had to be grateful.

She was the lucky one, even if she didn’t feel very lucky as the alcohol mingled with her depression. She had to bite her tongue not say anything about the darkness that was creeping along the edges of her heart like poison. Instead, she turned to look at James.

“Dance with me?” she asked him.

James looked at her like she’d grown three heads, “Pardon?”

Lily grabbed his wrist, “Dance with me.”

“I don’t dance.” James sputtered, “Bad knees.”

“Come on,” Lily begged, and James resisted her slight tug, shaking his head.

Peter, sensing his plan to make her happy was failing, grabbed Lily’s free hand, “come on, I’ll take you dancing if no one else will.”

Lily followed Peter’s lead into the dance floor, but she was looking back at Sirius and James. They were both staring after her, clearly feeling back for her. Peter swept her into the middle of the crowd and Lily, being a good foot taller than Peter, danced awkwardly in his arms. She willingly let Chris Hemsworth swoop in and lead her into a graceful tango, but her eyes kept looking for her bodyguard on the outskirts of the dance floor.

James had disappeared. Lily panicked and when someone offered her a shot of whiskey, she took it without thinking. She danced and drank with unfamiliar faces until the room was spinning even as she stood still. 

She was surrounded by a sea of people and yet, she’d never felt more alone. All the people who spoke to her, touched her, and loved her—they only cared about her because cameras were watching. Even Peter, despite his family-like concern, was painfully oblivious to her act. She supposed Peter was just happy to see her laughing for once as some actor twirled her through gowns and suits.

She was just another paper doll, all dressed up for Hollywood to adore. 

The party lasted well until after two in the morning. By the end of it, Lily had danced so much that her purple dress was hanging off her like she’d gotten dressed in the dark and her stilettos caused her to sprain her ankle. Lily’s red hair was a curly afro atop her head. Her lipstick was gone, and her mascara was smudged when she caught a glimpse of herself in the reflection of a glass.

James found her, nursing her sprained ankle by the loo. She was so drunk that she didn’t know if she heard James right when he cursed. James rushed to her side and put a hand on her cheek, lifting her face to look at him.

“I twisted my ankle.” She felt close to crying.

He muttered to himself and then helped her up to a standing position, “let’s go.” 

Lily stumbled on her way down the hall. James took her arm, throwing it around his shoulder. That’s when Sirius reappeared, lipstick all over his face. Sirius looked happy but he paused when he saw the pain on Lily’s expression.

“Lily needs to go.” James told Sirius, “Look at her.”

Sirius looked at her, actually looked at her, and a line appeared in his forehead. Sirius took Lily’s other arm and put it around his waist. James and Sirius worked together to rush her out before the cameras could get a glimpse of her coming drunk out of the back doors. Her head hit against the back seat when they pushed her inside. Lily grabbed the back of her head and pouted at James as he put her seat belt on. 

“Where—who—why?” she demanded incoherently.

James actually glared at Lily as the seat belt clicked. He entered the car to take the seat across from her. Sirius stuck his head in the car like a dog peeking around a corner. His eyes found James, instead of acknowledging Lily.

“Do you want me to go too?” Sirius asked James.

Lily caught James looking her up and down like she was a problem. She scowled back at him, pulling one of her curls out of her face.

“They hired me to make her feel safe,” James mumbled, reaching to grab the door handle, “so I’ll take care of her.”

“I can help.” Sirius promised, “I want to help.”

“I’m just going to put her in bed.”

Sirius nodded curtly, entrusting James with Lily, “make sure to leave her light on.”

“I know.” James exchanged a telling look with Sirius, “I’ll text you when she’s settled.”

Sirius clapped James on the back and then pulled his head out. Lily winced as the car door shut. Lily fell down in her seat, her knees hitting James’ across the way. James kept a hearty glare on her as the driver pulled out onto the street. Camera’s followed the car, trying to get pictures inside but James pulled off his jacket and held it in front of the window. 

Lily’s stomach continued rocking as she searched the car for some of the little vodka bottles they often carried. James watched her, eyes calculating. When she found a bottle of wine in the pull-down cup holder, she was startled when James leaned forward in his seat and ripped it out of her hands. 

Lily’s jaw dropped, “Hey!”

James tucked the bottle into his chest pocket, red around the ears as he stared her down, “I’m cutting you off.”

Lily crossed her arms, snarling at him, “I don’t remember asking you to.”

“You didn’t have to ask.” James’ hazel eyes were dark behind his black framed glasses, “I’m telling you.”

Lily was flabbergasted, not a great combination drunk of her arse, “Well that's--your--I’m--your...ugh.”

James sent her a pointed look, “Forget your words?”

Her chest heaved, “I am your boss!”

“Wrong.” James actually had the audacity to fight with her, “Moody’s my boss.”

“I’ll get you fired.” She leaned across the middle of the car, closing the space between them as she reached for the bottle of wine.

James covered the alcohol with his hand, “Is that right, Red? You won’t even remember this after you sleep.”

“Of course, I’ll remember.” She argued.

“Do you remember the last time you got this drunk?” he asked, “when you tried to take a cab without me and go dancing?”

She did, she remembered flashes of that night. She relaxed for a moment, remembering how he carried her so delicately. Her eyes drunkenly passed across his face, wishing she could remember what they’d said to each other that night. She couldn’t go back though.

“I bet you wish you’d never gotten assigned to me.”

“You’re a shit drunk, Evans.” James shot back, clearly unafraid of her even when she was at her worse.

“And you’re a shit bodyguard.” Lily shot back, much like a child would lash out.

Silence settled between them, but it wasn’t comfortable. James had one hand in his hair, and he was glaring at her like he wanted to shout at her. She wished he would, if only because she could use a good screaming match. Suddenly, his expression relaxed and he sighed deeply. Lily was surprised when he placed a kind hand on her knee.

“You need to sleep.” He whispered, “When was the last time you slept through the night?”

Lily tried diligently to move his hand but damn, he was strong, “I don’t want to _sleep_.” The tears started trailing down her cheeks as the driver turned them onto the highway that led to her beach home, “I want to drink.”

She wanted to _forget_.

“Then drink water.” James said stubbornly, “Here.”

He reached over his seat and pulled out a filled water bottle that he tossed into her fumbling hands. Lily didn’t catch it, the water slipped through her fingers and landed on the ground between them. It was childish, but that only made her cry more. She was drunk off her ass, debating with her bodyguard, and her head was starting to spin along with her stomach. 

James sighed as she purposefully leaned back into her own seat, intentionally looking out the window. She crossed one leg over the other and stifled her pathetic crying so he wouldn’t make fun of her. James didn’t move for a moment, then he leaned between them. She watched through watery eyelashes as he got the water bottle, opened it quickly and then touched the chilly bottom to her thigh softly.

“Drink.” he said sympathetically, “You’ll feel better.”

Lily sniffled, turning her cheek to find he was staring at her gently. His face was all soft lines, lulling her into a false sense of security again. Lily swallowed thickly as she took the bottle from his hands into her shaking fingers. She lifted the bottle to her lips and took a few sips with James watching closely. 

“I don’t by the way.” He said as the highway flashed by.

“Don’t what?” she asked, water slipping through her fingers.

“I don’t regret getting assigned to you.” He smiled in the darkness, “I quite like you.”

Lily took a deep breath, about to tell him she liked him too, when the water bottle slipped from her shaking fingers. James cursed and she cried out as water soaked the backseat and the dress she was wearing. James searched for napkins as the driver cursed them both out. James shouted back at the driver, clearly stressed as he tried to mop water up with his jacket.

Frank was watching the house for the night, instead of his wife Alice. He was waiting for them when the car pulled up to the drive. By then, Lily was vacillating between a need to run twenty kilos or sleep for twenty days. James got out of the car first before offering Lily his hand. Lily refused his help to get up, stubbornly taking each step with her own wobble. James sighed and rolled his eyes, as if she was exasperating.

“Is she okay?” Frank’s voice sounded lightyears away as Lily focused on clambering out of the car.

“She’s drunk.” James told Frank, “Will you help the driver? She spilled water all over the backseat.”

Lily got out of the car and would have fallen flat on her face had James not caught her just in time. She was dizzily aware of James lifting her up into his arms like he was cradling a child. The cool sea breeze cut through her thin lace gown as he carried her up to her front door. He put her back onto her feet only so he could put his fingerprint on the security pad. Cool conditioned air hit Lily as soon as he flung her door open, it felt so nice she stumbled into her foyer with little prompting from James. 

The closest seat to her, a stuffed red bench against the wall next to the door, was where she finally fell. Lily used her toes to peel her heels from her feet as her head leaned back against the wall. When the second strap wouldn’t come loose on one of her shoes, Lily leaned forward for a closer look and nearly pitched onto the floor headfirst.

James caught her again, “Easy there, Red.”

“I’m fine.”

She didn’t know if she imagined that he was chuckling at her as he once again, pulled Lily right into his arms. Her head lolled against his warm chest and her fingers traced the small wine bottle still in his breast pocket. 

“I’m fine,” she repeated, “I’m fine.”

“Keep telling yourself that.” He murmured, “but I don’t believe it.”

Was she always destined to fall into his arms when life got a little too hard? 

Lily woke up, hours later, in her own bed. The curtains on her window danced against the fresh sea breeze and she could hear the waves breaking against the shore. Sunlight filtered into the room through the cracks in her gauzy curtains, casting little yellow stripes across Lily’s sheets. She was surprised to see James, standing in her doorway with a cup of orange juice and a bottle of pills. 

The awards show came back in hazy wisps of embarrassment. Her stomach rolled and she felt her head pound as she sat up. She whimpered and James smiled in the doorway.

“Morning, Red.”

“James?”

He said, coming into her room, “I got you some Advil for the headache.”

Lily tried to brush her fingers through her hair, only to find it was a mess her fingers couldn’t tackle, “I can take care of myself, James.”

James placed the orange juice and bottle on her bedside table, right next to the bottle of aloe. She suddenly remembered the way he’d brushed his fingers across her skin, and she flushed. She caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror. Red messy hair and smudged make-up confirmed her fears. She looked like how she felt: absolute shit.

“I know you like to take care of yourself.” He said, touching the aloe with one finger as if also remembering their briefest connection, “but sometimes it’s okay to accept help.” 

She said as she opened the pill bottle, “I’m not used to asking for help.”

“Clearly.” he snorted, “how’s your head?”

“Banging.” Lily complained, “how many shots did I do last night?”

“I don’t know,” James admitted, “I went to the bar with Sirius and the next thing I knew, you were nursing a sprained ankle by the loo.”

“I don’t remember any of that.”

“You got piss arse drunk, Red.” James deadpanned, “there’s no way you would remember that.”

Lily fell back against her pillows, “Where are you from again?”

“Cardiff.” He said, “and you’re from Cokesworth, England.”

Lily shook the pills in her hand, “Read my Wikipedia before you met me?”

“On the contrary.” James smiled, “I read Rita Skeeter’s biographical book.” 

Lily stuttered, “What?”

“What do you want to eat?” he ignored her question, “You need food.”

“What, you don’t want to talk about the fact that you read Rita Skeeter’s _book_ about me?”

James rolled his eyes, “Relax Red, it was a joke.”

“You joke?” she swallowed the pills and followed them with juice.

“You sound surprised.”

“I was under the impression you didn’t have a funny bone in your body.” Lily kicked her covers off and realized she was still in her dress from the party, “why is my dress wet? Jesus, how drunk was I?”

“Well…”

“Well?”

James licked his lips, “How’s your boyfriend, Sean, Stan? What was his name?”

“Steven?” 

Lily’s heart dropped to her stomach. 

James didn’t notice her ego deflate, “Yeah him.”

“What about him?”

“You were moaning his name the entire goddamn night.”

“That’s, that’s...” 

She didn’t know what embarrassed her more. The fact that she’d been so drunk she didn’t remember any of the night, or the fact that James had been there all night while she moaned Steven’s name in her drunken sleep. She didn’t even want Steven like that, not anymore. She’d sworn him off, she was going to stay away from the politician’s son. 

Not that James knew that. 

“I almost called him _for_ you,” James sounded unhappy, “Since you clearly wanted to talk to him.”

“I don’t want to talk to him.” Lily said stubbornly.

James stared down at her. Lily stared up at him.

He turned away shrugging, “I’m going to go for a run, Red.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Why?” he asked, “Have you looked in a mirror?”

“I got burned,” Lily shouted after him, “you can’t make fun of me for getting burned."

"Why not?"

"It's practically making fun of someone for being practically albino!”

“Give me a better reason not to call you Red,” he said, “And then maybe I’ll consider changing the nickname.”

She didn’t have a reason, she just wanted to argue with him. James waved his hand at her and then left, clearly done talking to her. Lily drank the rest of her orange juice, embarrassed and confused.

He was back from his run by the time she made it downstairs. She’d taken a shower and done her makeup to hide the circles under her eyes. Her fridge was empty, and she sighed unhappily as she realized she’d have to order in. She dialed for pizza while taking wine out of her wine cooler. Suddenly, James was at her side, pulling the wine bottle from her hand.

“What are you doing?” she demanded, rounding on him with a tone akin to anger, “That’s not yours!”

“Have you thought of doing something other than drink?” he asked, as she jumped forward in her bare feet to grab the bottle, “Like maybe go for a run? Or a walk? Ever since we’ve gotten to LA you’ve been drinking like the world’s going to end.”

“It’s one drink.” She pulled at his arm and took her wine from his lose grip, “Lay off, _mum_.”

She held the bottle to her lips and took a swig. Next to her James, had gone frozen. She saw him do it before, freeze as if she’d told him something awful. Lily lowered the bottle, offering it to him.

“Drink with me.”

Her words seemed to wake him up. He shook his head and pushed her out of the way, pulling out his phone. She heard him talking in the other room to someone. He sounded upset. She would have cared less, had she not heard him say her name. She got out a glass and poured herself some wine.

She deserved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Time:  
She flew awake, screaming bloody murder and it was James who threw open her door with such vigor that it made her scream again.  
“Are you okay?” he was wearing long pajama bottoms but no shirt.  
“Fine,” she gasped, wiping her tears from her cheeks, “I’m fine!”  
It was a lie and damn him, he knew it.  
“You don’t look fine!” his eyes were examining the room, looking for reasons for her to scream so hard, “What happened?”  
Lily didn’t answer, busy wiping the tears from her eyes as he checked her room, her bathroom, and her balcony. She was so deep in her own mind that she jumped when James repeated his question.  
“Sorry for waking you.” Lily took a deep breath, “I just--”  
“You what?” James looked physically sick, “Lily, you screamed like someone was trying to kill you.”


	4. I almost do.

September was welcomed with more award shows that Lily forced herself to attend with a drink in hand. Winning awards for the album she'd written for her mother only made Lily more emotionally distraught. If James noticed her drinking more, he said nothing. Instead, he'd gone back into his shadow-like qualities. Sometimes he'd offer her a kind hand into a taxi and those were the moments Lily craved. He was warm and inviting, despite trying to seem otherwise.

The VMA's were a sordid affair if only because Sirius was out of town and Melina couldn't go because of her new bundle of joy. Even Peter was out of town, making James the only one who accompanied her that she actually liked. And he was paid to do it.

James helped her out of the car and onto the red carpet where immediately, people started screaming her name. Lily ignored the paparazzi and went right for a few of her fans in the stands on the outside of the carpet. Lily spent the entire pre-show taking photos and thanking her fans for coming. James stayed at her side, looking through the stands for trouble as she focused on listening to her fan's stories. Lily recognized one girl from Tumblr and called her by name, making the girl burst into tears.

"You're my hero." The girl cried as Lily took their picture with her jewel encrusted iphone, "I'm so happy you're doing better after the bomb in Manchester."

Lily almost dropped the phone. She felt her heartbeat quicken and her skin crawl on the back of her neck. The girl was still hugging Lily, lost in her own euphoria. James, who'd never interrupted Lily when she was with her fans, took the phone out of her frozen hand.

_Happy. _

Lily couldn't remember the last time she'd truly been happy. Instead, she stared at the girl in horror as she realized the world saw only her fake smiles. Her fans loved her, but they didn't know her. They thought she was healing from the Manchester bombing when in fact, she was still choking on the leftover smoke.

James passed the phone back to the girl before placing a light touch to Lily's waist. Lily broke from her trace, her eyes meeting James' concerned stare. Just looking at him, the only person who was looking out for her, made her breathe again. Suddenly, she felt a rush of affection for him that she hadn't felt before. She wanted to wrap her hand in his tightly so that he might never leave her.

"You okay?" he asked, looking uneasy.

She nodded, only looking away from him so she could wave goodbye to her fans. James' hand stayed light on her waist, pushing her towards the door. Lily looked at him as he helped her up the staircase into the theatre.

"Do I look happy?" she asked James as they entered the dark theatre.

James waited until they were escorted to the row where her seat was. He helped her maneuver the skirts of her gown and then sat down beside her in the seat reserved for Sirius. Since Sirius wasn't in town, he'd told James to take the seat.

James leaned in to whisper, "if singing doesn't ever work out, I'd say you have a career in acting."

Lily swallowed, a sort of quiet falling over her mind as she stared into his eyes. She couldn't believe that out of every person in the god damn universe, her bodyguard was the only one who understood every inch of her. She'd been looking for someone who'd understand her heart and understand her pain. He might not understand everything, but he was certainly the only one who managed to drag her out of her own mind.

She memorized the lines to his freshly shaven face, admiring the sharp lines that cut his jaw into lines she could appreciate forever. His eyes, normally hazel, were darker in the theatre as he kept her gaze, not flinching away like normal. He was wearing a new tie, a bow tie. It was twisted on his neck, like he'd hurriedly put it on.

Lily didn't hesitate when she reached out to straighten his bowtie. She didn't think about the fact they were surrounded by reporters and cell phones. The second the top of her hand brushed his neck, she felt him flinch. She quickly lowered her hand and flushed, staring at her lap. James looked forward the rest of the night, only touching her again to help her back into the cab on their way back home from the awards.

Her fingers wrapped in his as she stepped into the car. As she settled her long black skirts around her legs, she felt him slide into the car next to her. She had the urge to hold his hand again. She just held her skirts instead and stared pointedly at her lap.

Alice met them at the door, a smile on her face until she saw their sullen looks. Lily went up the stairs, going to her room. Alice asked James what happened.

"Nothing."

_Nothing_.

Lily wanted something to happen, but he didn't like her like she liked him. He was paid to be nice to her and she kept forgetting that no matter how many times she reminded herself. Lily closed her bedroom door and fell into her bed, not bothering to undress. She stared at her ceiling, her brain picking through the night.

"_They think you're happy_," she sang softly, to a new tune she created in that moment, "_and, Darling, it's my fault. I'm the pretty girl, the actress, the cheat. Just another paper doll who couldn't take the heat._"

She rolled over on her belly and grabbed the closest pen and journal on her floor by her bed. She started writing out a song, the first lyrics she'd written in months. She got lost in the translation of words in her head to paper, ink staining her fingers. Three hours later she had a poem she could easily switch into the melody stuck in her head.

Barefoot, her black VMA gown sweeping across the tiles, Lily snuck downstairs into her sitting room. She heard Alice talking on the phone in the security room at the front of the mansion as she made her way to the music. Lily's giant black piano had sat there, collecting dust, since her last album. Lily pushed back her skirts to sit down on the cold bench, her fingers grazing the familiar ivory keys. The first note rang out like a hallelujah and Lily's fingers found solace in the lonely keys.

"_Fame was all I ever wanted but the way I got it, well, it left me feeling haunted_," she sand long to the piano's melody, her voice rising and echoing through the house, "_there are one hundred and one reasons I could give you to blame, but at the end of the day it's all just the same…_"

"I don't think I've ever heard you sing."

Lily looked up from her piano keys to find James standing there in plaid pajamas, leaning against the door. He had a phone in his hand that he tucked into his pocket as she considered how long he could've been standing there.

As if reading her mind, he said, "I heard your door shut and I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Lily tilted her head, "why are you awake?"

James shrugged, "just talking on the phone."

"Oh," Lily's lower lip jutted out, "to Annie?"

It was James' turn to tilt his head, "How do you know Annie?"

"I don't." she admitted, "I just heard you say her name a few times."

James' forehead wrinkled, "Often listen in on my phone calls?"

She flushed red again, "no, I just overhear you when I walk by at night."

"You mean when you should be sleeping?" he chuckled now, crossing his arms over his chest and looking at her warmly, "just like now?"

Lily couldn't help but smile as she motioned to the piano, "inspiration called."

James leaned up off the doorway and walked into the room, running his hand along the top of her piano. The soft lamplight lit up the space between them as darkness swirled the room. Lily was startled when he didn't leave, instead he sat on the edge of the bench and touched one of the keys.

"I just wanted to ask you..."

"Ask me?"

He looked at her through his lashes, "a personal question."

"What?" she tucked her hair behind her ear and leaned closer to him.

James studied the way her hands were folding into her gown fretfully, "why do you think you have to pretend everything's okay?"

Lily leaned away from him, struck by his question, "_why_?"

His eyes lifted to her face, "why do you keep up with this charade, if you aren't happy?"

"Can I ask _you_ as question?" she whispered, the electricity sparking between them.

James swallowed, hazel eyes glowing golden from the lamp behind them, "Yes?"

Lily licked her lips, "why do you care?"

His eyes became two sizes larger. She sat still, afraid that if she moved any closer to him, he might jump and fall off the bench they were sharing. His eyes dropped to her lips before combing back up to her green eyes. Tentatively, Lily reached out with one hand, going to grab his knee to keep him at her side. Almost like a slingshot, he shot off the bench and had his hand in his hair.

"I don't care."

"You don't care." She repeated, sharply.

He looked wildly grief stricken as he met her gaze again, "no, Red." he said, "I _do_ care, it's my _job_ to care."

He winced, as if knowing that was the wrong things to say.

Lily stood up too, sweeping past him in her black ballgown, not hesitating to knock shoulders with him, "sorry to make you work so late."

"Lily!"

James called after her, but she ignored him and headed for the kitchen, grabbing her favorite wine from the cooler. She was still drinking by the time the sun rose up, sitting in her giant bathtub with bubbles surrounding her. Bastille played in the background, drowning out any voices she might've heard. Her phone sat inches away, tempting her to go down the rabbit hole of social media.

Lily kicked her feet up on the side of the bath as she grabbed her phone with her dry hand, the one that had been holding her wine glass. Lily found herself redownloading Instagram and tumblr. She originally told herself she was going on to see what her fans were up too but when she started scrolling down tumblr, she saw a photograph she had to stare at for a few moments to process. It was darker, of two people staring at each other while the woman played with black edges to a necktie.

James' necktie.

"Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck_."

Lily's feet slid back into the bath as she immediately went to her internet application. She typed in her name and immediately, there were 460,000,000 results. At the top of the result page were new articles and of course, of fucking course, there was one from Rita Skeeter. Lily cursed again as she clicked the link.

**Evans' Mystery Man**

**September 10th, 2019**

**By Rita Skeeter, Gossip Columnist**

**The VMA's was filled with shockers, including when Miley Cyrus appeared with her new Hannah Montana throwback hairdo, but the biggest shocker of the night was captured on cameras all over the venue. Lily Evans was spotted with a new man. His name is unknown, something fans have been trying to piece together since photos surfaced of him at Lily's side consistently. The tall, surly looking bloke was sitting in a seat reserved for Sirius Black. Evans is photographed above, fixing his tie while they wait for the awards to start. Black, who's in Spain according to Instagram, refused to comment when reporters asked him who the man was.**

**Lily's manager, Peter Pettigrew, hasn't responded to calls to his office. It can only be assumed that Lily Evans' relationship with Steven Roosevelt is over and she'd replaced him quickly with this new ethnic stud. We'll see how long this one lasts; she has a habit of running men off with her clingy behavior. If you click below, you can see all the photos of Evans with her mystery man at the VMA's last night. Including the ones of him getting into the same car as her to go home.**

It took all of Lily's power to not drop her phone in the bath. She chucked the phone at the floor, where it bounced off its case and landed ten feet away. She cursed to the high heavens as she climbed out of the warm bath and put a towel on. Lily picked her phone up and didn't bother changing, walking down her staircase in nothing but her towel.

"James?"

"What?" his voice came from the entertainment room.

"Does your family back home know you're my bodyguard?"

James sounded befuddled, "Why?"

Lily walked into the room, holding her towel to her chest with her phone. James lowered the paper he read reading and his eyes took in her outfit—or lack thereof. James' eyebrows were up to his hairline, taking in her appearance as she handed him her phone.

"Er, thank you?"

Lily rolled her eyes and leaned over to press the home button to turn the screen back on. James stared at the screen darkly as his finger scrolled down. Then he started looking at pictures. Lily fell into the chair beside him, putting her chin in her hands and her elbows on her knees.

"Told you she's a monster."

"Who's a monster?" James asked, looking up from the phone.

"Rita Skeeter," Lily snatched her phone back from James, "she loves gossiping about me. You might want to call your girlfriend back home and let her know that Skeeter's a lying cheat."

James looked charmed, "well, there's just one problem."

"What's that?" Lily asked sourly as she deleted all her apps again out of anger.

James looked unfazed by the article, "I don't have a girlfriend."

Lily wrinkled her nose at him, "then who are you talking too?"

James itched his nose before readjusting his glasses on his face, "my old gym buddy…or could be my—my er—grandmother."

Lily frowned at him, "oh."

James stood up and stretched, his shirt coming out of his trousers, "I'm not too worried Red," he assured her, "no one cares about me enough to look up articles on the internet."

"It doesn't annoy you that you're being framed as my boyfriend?" Lily asked, remembering how every guy before hated even standing next to her sometimes.

Sirius included.

James waved his hand through the air, "it could be worse."

"Could it?" Lily stuck her phone in her pocket.

James stopped stretching to look down at her, "there are definitely much worse things to be in the news for, besides being your fake boyfriend."

"The paps will go crazy the minute we step outside this house."

"And you can tell them the truth," James really looked unconcerned.

"The truth?"

She didn't think James realized that the truth was that she _absolutely_ fancied him.

"I'm your bodyguard." James said, "we have a perfectly professional relationship."

He walked out of the room and Lily watched him go, dejectedly. She got up and walked to her kitchen pulling out her wine.

"_Perfectly professional relationship_." She muttered to herself bitterly, yanking the cork off her wine, "bloody, stupid, _stupid,_ hopeless, girl."

Why would someone like James ever want to be with someone like her? She was constantly followed by her own shadow of fame. She couldn't even go to the grocery store without needing protection. She fixed his god damn tie and the media was already painting him as her new toy. He'd probably run for the hills if she told him the truth.

She utterly, one hundred percent, fancied him.

James didn't tell her to stop drinking but he looked at her dolefully when she got a new case of wine delivered every few days. It was Sirius who finally said something one late September night after noticing her bottle collection piling up on the counters. He'd been gone most of the month, recording with various artists and in different countries. He came over for a movie night and Lily hadn't even thought to hide the bottles lining the kitchen wall.

She welcomed Sirius in with a much-needed hug. He was laughing, holding a movie and a box of pizza for them to share. She'd missed Sirius so much. She'd been looking forward to their movie night so much she didn't even think about the fact that he didn't know how far she'd fallen from grace. The movie had just started, and she excused herself to the kitchen to quench the thirst on her tongue.

"What the fuck?" Sirius entered her kitchen to find her opening another bottle amongst the twenty lining the kitchen.

Lily stopped twisting the cork off her bottle, looking up to find worry lines stretching across Sirius' forehead. James was at the kitchen table on his computer, and he looked up at Sirius' stinging words. James didn't say anything, but Lily saw his eyes narrow, as if he agreed with Sirius. Sirius stepped closer to Lily, who hugged her current bottle to her chest like it was holding her up.

"Lily, put the bottle down." Sirius beseeched, reaching out.

"She's been drinking like crazy. since we got to Los Angeles." James' voice joined the conversation, he'd even closed his laptop to include himself, "even more, ever since that prick called Steven showed up."

"Fucking bastard." Sirius agreed.

"What else am I supposed to do?" Lily felt her voice break, "I can't sleep, I can't cook myself a decent meal, I have to preform at the Emmy's in three weeks and I can't even breathe half the time!"

"You're depressed, Evans," Sirius said, "you're depressed."

She realized Sirius was right. Knowing he was right didn't mean she knew what to do to make any of it better. Sirius took the wine from her hand and turned to James, the voice of reason.

"You didn't text me?" Sirius sounded hurt that James had kept Lily's secret.

James looked affronted, "I thought you knew."

"I knew she was sad, but fuck," Sirius turned back to Lily, who felt like she was being looked at under a microscope.

"She needs to see a therapist." James said.

Lily's head turned to stare at James like he'd grown two heads. Sirius looked at James as if he were barmy for saying something so stupid.

"Are you mad?" Sirius asked James, "A _therapist_? One session and they'd sell all her secrets to the highest bidder!"

Lily remembered how Sirius had tried to see a therapist after his family stuff, only to end up with his secrets splashed across the news front page. She definitely didn't want that happening to her. James put his hands up, as if to block their snarky looks.

"I know one." James acted as if he were treading through fire as he walked over to Sirius and Lily, "She's good and confidential, she's worked with people like Lily before."

"Celebrities?" Lily asked, "or drunks?"

"It's not like that." James defended his option, "Minerva McGonagall is a top of the line therapist back in England."

"I don't think it's a good idea." Sirius said firmly, looking worriedly at Lily, "she's one of the most known pop stars in the world."

Sirius rubbed his chin as Lily looked back down at her bottle, a short sob escaping her lips. She knew it was wrong of her to lean so heavily on alcohol, especially since dependence ran in her family, but she really didn't know what else to lean on when she was alone. Lily knew if her mum were alive, she'd be so disappointed in Lily.

"_You're turning into granda_," she'd tell Lily, "_you need to stop_."

Lily cried harder. Sirius sighed and came over to Lily, pulling the alcohol from her hands and placing it on the table. He took Lily in his arms and hugged her tightly. Lily buried her face in Sirius' chest, the comfort from him being more than enough to fill the void in her heart.

Sirius ran his hand down her hair, "I'm sorry Lil." he understood, "I know how you feel."

"I-I-I just want to stop it." Lily blubbered, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand.

"Stop what?" Sirius consoled.

"The award shows, the press, _everything_."

"Hollywood is Hell." Sirius rubbed her shoulders, "but you can make it through this."

Lily just cried against his chest, her first digging into his plaid shirt. He smelled like smoke and home. What made her hiccup, was when James came around the counter. He put a warm hand on her shoulder, looking her dead in the eye.

"Minerva can do it over the phone, it can be private." James seemed desperate to get her to agree, "The therapist, her name is Minerva, she was my—my friends therapist. I can get you her number."

Lily shook her head at James, "She'd know who I was after one session, how many pop stars went through bombings recently, that you know of?"

James seemed sheepish and his hands lifted to his hair, "Er, one." he added confidently, "but just...trust me…she'd a good person."

"You saw how quickly news about Lily spreads," Sirius said, "I mean the press has been photographing you two for weeks after Skeeter said you were dating."

"Once Pettigrew told the press I was her bodyguard the press stopped following me." James said, "besides, Minerva won't tell. I trust her."

Lily sobbed again, "Can't you see?" she moaned, "I don't trust anyone!"

James winced, his hand left her shoulder like she'd stung him, "You _need_ to talk to someone, Red."

"Lily can talk to me." Sirius said, "We just can't trust that your friend's therapist won't sell Lily to the papers."

James, frustrated, walked away. Sirius took Lily out for dinner, making her get dressed up and get out of the house. Sirius and James both talked to Peter the next day. Apparently, James claiming she needed help and Sirius claiming she need a vacation. Peter didn't think either of them knew what was best for her. Instead, he told Lily to stop drinking, or Disney would get mad. As if telling her fixed the problem.

Sirius got rid of all the wine and spirits in the house. James was on strict orders to take her to and from her recording sessions at Disney without any stops at the store. The first week was hard, the nightmares were back full-force and Lily tossed and turned the first night as she tried to sleep. She couldn't help but dream of black eyes and choking smoke when she fell asleep, it was all she could think about when she was awake after all. Still, without the alcohol, suddenly everything was so much worse.

One night, after a long day at the studio and with nothing but ramen noodles to eat, she was already struggling to sleep. She was going over lines in her head, trying to fall asleep. When she finally did slip into a state of dreaming, she flew awake almost immediately. Lily heard someone screaming and she realized it was her, she was the one screaming bloody murder.

There was a crash outside her hallway. James threw open her door with such vigor that it made her scream again, pulling her covers up to her chin. He was wearing long pajama bottoms but no shirt, looking around the room as he leaned against her doorframe like he couldn't support himself.

"Are you okay?" he queried, alert despite the sleepy look in his eye.

"Fine," she gasped, wiping her tears from her cheeks, "I'm fine!"

It was a lie and damn him, he knew it.

"You don't look _fine_!" he snapped, "What happened?"

"_Nothing_."

She heard her door shut and she let her hands fall into her face, collecting her tears for her. She thought James had gotten fed up with her attitude but suddenly, minutes later, he opened her door again. She looked through her fingers to find he'd put on a shirt and his glasses. She watched as he checked her room, her bathroom, and her balcony. She was so deep in her own mind that she jumped when James came to her bedside and repeated his question, this time sympathetically.

"What happened?"

"Sorry for waking you." Lily took a deep breath, "I just-"

"You what?" James looked physically sick to his stomach, "Lily, you screamed like someone was trying to _kill_ you."

Lily shook her head against her hands, "I have nightmares, I'm sorry." She took a shuddering breath, "I'm _so_ sorry."

There was a pause.

She willed herself to look up at him and found he was staring at her peculiarly. She sniffed and wiped her cheeks, forcing herself to look okay. James looked like he was about to call in the cavalry for her. She chewed on her lip, forcing herself to touch his hand to wake him up from whatever trance he was in. The moment her fingers touched his wrist, he yanked his hand back.

"I'm sorry." she repeated, this time meaning it, "I didn't mean to wake you up."

"You didn't wake me up." He said, "I just—I was worried."

"I get nightmares," she confided, "it's nothing."

"Don't lie to me." he said, "don't you dare."

"They're just—" she faltered, unsure how to describe them.

"I know," he murmured, "I get them too."

Lily's hands fell into her lap, "you do?"

James nodded wearily as he made his way over to her bedroom door, "want me to leave your light on?"

"James?"

"What?" James' knuckles were tight around her doorknob.

"What do you get nightmares about?" she asked timidly, not expecting him to answer the way he did.

"They're not nightmares so much as memories."

Lily stared after his retreating back, as he made his way back across the hall to wherever he'd been when he heard her scream. James said something on his way down the stairs and Alice sounded reassured when she replied to him. Lily wondered why James had been up late, when Alice was normally the one who covered nights alone.

Lily also wondered what secrets James was hiding, if he had memory driven nightmares just like her. Lily assumed he meant he had nightmares about his time as a soldier, but she hadn't even thought about the fact that he probably fought in the war. She wondered if something happened and he'd had to leave service. She wondered if he'd taken the job to protect her because it was the closest thing to soldier that he could get outside of the military.

All in all, she and her bodyguard had more in common that she initially thought.

After that night, sleeping was something she eluded all together. Peter commented on her tired eyes when he saw her during a meeting with Disney. She told him to fuck off, miserably so. He didn't question her again and James just sent Peter a glare that said more than words ever would. James had taken to watching her closely the next few days after her episode in the bedroom.

Even when he was off duty and Alice was covering the cameras at night, James didn't stay too far from Lily. She'd taken up almost permanent residence on her couch. She hardly spoke, hardly ate, and didn't sleep. By the fourth night of no sleep, besides tiny naps that left her sweating, James only left Lily alone. He arrived later with a milkshake from McDonalds in his hand.

Lily stared at him in confusion as he set the drink next to her, "what's this?"

James shrugged, "a chocolate milkshake never hurt anyone."

Lily took the shake without another question, closing her eyes as the sweetness touched her tongue. It reminded her of summers in Lake Placid, when her mum used to bring home treats from the local Dairy Queen after a long day of playing in the lake. James saw her relaxed look and snickered tenderly.

"Someone once told me that there's nothing in a world that can't be cured by chocolate." he said, "I found he was often right, when it came to most things at least."

"Thank you." She said softly.

"You're welcome." He sat down next to her, "it might not fix the nightmares but, at least it made you smile, yeah?"

"It reminds me of when i was a little girl."

James' eyes were kind, "better than the sting of alcohol, right ?" he said, "this doesn't give you a headache later on either."

Lily looked at James, suddenly struck by what he was implying. He was acting like he knew what it was like, the dragging pain that simmered in her belly. Maybe he did.

"Do you ever drink?"

James shoved his hands in his hair, "I kinda had a drinking problem once."

"For how long?"

"Just a year." He swallowed and his eyes fell, as if he were remembering it, "I was young. I try not to drink anymore."

Her bodyguard had a rocky past then, if something had driven him to the bottle for a whole year. Why hadn't anyone stopped him, like Sirius had stopped her? Then she realized…James had tried to stop her too and then she'd stupidly asked him to drink with her.

"Fuck." Her eyes shot back up to him, "I'm so sorry."

"How could you know?" he nodded at her ice cream, "Drink up, you'll feel better."

Lily did as she was ordered and sipped at her chocolate milkshake. James turned on her TV and switched the network to Netflix. He picked out a comedy, something easy for her to watch. Lily watched as he made himself comfortable on the chair opposite of her. He was technically off, Alice always covered the nights, but he was there. He was waiting just in case she needed someone to lean on.

The comfortable silence between them was startling. Lily chewed on her lip as James' eyes washed over her like he was stupefied by her. She put her cup down, forcing herself to be honest with him. After all, they bloody lived in the same goddamn house. He deserved her honesty.

"I don't think poorly of you," she blurted out, only to blush darkly when his head whipped up in shock.

"What?"

"I know you don't like me," she said, "but I want you to know, I enjoy your company."

"I don't _not_ like you," he said as the show continued but neither of them paid much attention, "I just-you weren't quite what I expected."

Lily flushed and stared at the melty remainder of her shake, "in a bad way?"

"It's not a bad thing." He said, "you probably don't remember me telling you this after that one party where you got trashed but—I quite like you, Red."

She felt a smile, a real smile, lift her lips when he said her nickname, "I quite like you too, James."

"I know."

His voice was so quiet that she almost didn't hear him over the TV. They didn't speak to each other again but some of the tension between them was lifted. She saw their similarities clear as day now. Lily trusted him, more than she'd ever trusted anyone, because he understood her more than anyone. He saw her clearly, her imperfections and perfections. 

She wanted to tell him, it took everything in her not to lean over and take his hand.

And every time she didn't tell him she fancied him, she almost did. 

* * *

**Next Time:**

"So I was thinking about taking up running?"

James stared at her, "You hate exercise."

Lily frowned, "Okay, sure, but you said it'd help with the drinking."

"You haven't had a drop of alcohol in over two weeks." he snorted, "What's this about?"

She hated him for seeing right through her nonchalance.


	5. Hey James

Lily had many secrets. Some of them were known by the whole world thanks to interviews and paparazzi. The world knew she loved writing sings in sushi shops and riding horses whenever she got the chance. Her fans knew she liked cats and her critics knew she loved writing about love. The internet could deduce she loved pizza and pajama parties. These weren't secrets so much as qualities she'd shown the world.

Most of her secret merits were known by her bodyguards and close friends. Sirius knew that she couldn't watch a movie without covering her eyes at really intense parts. Frank saw her feeding the seagulls her sandwich scraps up and the beach at night. Melina made fun of Lily because she loved babies so much. Alice heard how Lily laughed obnoxiously on the phone with her grandfather.

Still, it was James Potter who knew almost every single _intimate_ detail about her life. He knew she couldn't sleep because of nightmares. He knew that she talked to Juniper (her cat) like Juniper could understand her. James was aware she liked to take bubble baths and listen to music quite loudly so that she could sleep. He laughed when she cursed when she messed up during _Piper_ recordings and teased her when she tried to cook. He knew things about her that only a few people did and so, Lily obviously wanted to know more about James.

She watched him as the days went on, finding that he got up right as the sun was rising over the horizon. She heard him play Bastille a lot, as well as Ed Sheeran, whenever he was alone in his room across from hers. He always wore jeans or dress pants. He _never_ went barefoot and if he needed to eat something, he often snacked on protein bars or made omelets with her rarely used kitchen equipment.

If he did make real food and she was around, he always made extra for her. She practically swooned every time he handed her a plate of eggs or a bowl of homemade soup. He was a really good cook, something that she was jealous of. He could take anything in the kitchen and turn it into a meal. Sometimes he went out on his breaks and brought back grocery bags with food to cook. Lily joked once that she was going to fire him as her bodyguard and hire him as her cook. James just smiled at Lily like her threats were charming and not true in the slightest.

Lily discovered one of James' most unexpected characteristics accidently after another sleepless night full of dark dreams.

She tried not to sleep for too long, if only so she wouldn't wake up screaming and scare James, Alice or Frank. Her alarm went off after she'd been asleep for about twenty minutes and she screeched, rolling out of her bed. She paced her room, taking deep inhales of air as she tried to work through her anxiety. She walked out to her balcony, staring out at the waves of the ocean. The sky was mostly dark, with a line of pink overhead. The moon was still shining, but it wouldn't be that way for long.

Lily leaned on her railing and sighed deeply before she realized something was moving below her on the main deck. Lily froze, about to call for help when she realized it was a person and they were doing push-ups. Lily leaned over the railing and squinted her eyes to find that it was James. He was talking softly to himself, his voice barely audible over the waves.

Lily almost called out to him, to ask him if he was mad for working out at five thirty in the morning. She stopped herself from shouting down when she saw something alarming. It wasn't the fact that he was shirtless. She'd seen him without a shirt plenty of times by now. No, the shock was that for once, James was in _shorts_.

Lily had never seen him in shorts, let alone gym shorts. She realized how strange it was to look down at the deck and find him in a pair of black shorts that hugged his torso and showed off his incredibly muscular thighs. Something shiny flashed when he moved, guiding her eye down his legs. Her stomach churned as her brain processed what her eyes were decoding.

Lily stared at the twisted metal and plastic that shimmered in the yellow deck lights as he pushed up and down on his strong skin was so dark, that the white plastic looked almost cast like and she wondered for a second if it was a cast and he'd gotten hurt. The only thing that really made her realize it was definitely not a cast, was the fact that the metal twisting down to fashion an ankle, shone metallically against everything.

One of James' legs was muscular, strong and tanned from the Los Angeles sun.

The other leg was a bendy fashion of metal and plastic that mimicked where his calf, ankle and foot should've been.

Suddenly, James laughed. The cold feeling in her stomach warmed thanks to his laughter. There was something incredibly comfortable about his merriment. It seemed to come from his very toes, and he was loud enough that she could recognize his laugh from any room in the house. It was clear he wasn't talking to himself but talking into his phone. The cellphone was under his body as he continued his push-ups, but Lily was too busy drawing his form to memory to really care who he was talking to. Every muscle on his arm seemed to grow when he lowered himself to the ground and she couldn't help it, staring at him. The butterflies in her stomach warned of what her heart already knew, he was fit, and she was a lovestruck fool.

Lily watched as he stopped his push-ups and sat cross legged, holding his phone up to his lips. Lily stepped away from the railing and into her room. She changed into leggings and an old yellow shirt. She was only slightly embarrassed for spying on him while he worked out, she was more interested in the fact that he was definitely missing a leg.

She always complained that he never gave her space and here she was, ogling James like he was some shirtless firefighter on the cover of a magazine. Even if he did look that good, false leg and all, he deserved better from her. She couldn't help it that he looked like an angel when he crossed paths with her in the kitchen that morning after his workout, long jeans covering his secret. She really couldn't help that for the next three days she stared at him when he wasn't looking at her.

A part of Lily (her less sensitive side) was caught up in how good he'd looked working out. Another part of Lily (the nosy side) was curious about the sewed muscle and skin on James' leg that he was so clearly desperate to hide. Then there was the thirsty side of Lily, the side that genuinely was just caught up in her fantasy where James kissed her suddenly and without pause.

She wanted to spend more time getting to know him, whenever possible. Most of the time they were too busy. Lily had meetings and recording sessions in Burbank more than once a week meaning they traveled a lot but, in the car, James was silent. He really only talked to her when she was attempting to cook herself dinner or during a movie late at night when neither of them were sleeping. She didn't think he'd buy that she wanted to run when she could barely walk down the stairs without complaining, but she decided to try.

She waited until they were in the car, on the way to Burbank. He hadn't spoken to her much, only asking her politely how her day was going when they met at her front door. James didn't seem to want to intrude on Lily, like she was preparing to intrude upon him. She waited until a good twenty minutes had passed in silence. She was trying to make it seem like she hadn't been planning to try and slip into his life more.

"So, I was thinking about taking up running?" she said casually as Tom the driver took them down the highway at speeds faster than the limits.

James stared at Lily with skepticism, "You hate exercise."

Lily frowned, "Okay, sure, but you said it'd help with drinking."

"You haven't had a drop of alcohol since Sirius got rid of it all." he snorted, "What's this about?"

She hated him for seeing right through her indifference. Lily crossed her arms and sank back into her seat. He enjoyed the moments without her, clearly. That's why he didn't want her taking up running with him. She wondered if Annie, his gym buddy, knew all about his secret leg. She wondered if she'd ever get to know James the way Annie probably did. James sensed Lily's antagonism and lightly kicked her ankle under the seat.

"What's wrong, Red?"

He used his stupid, childish nickname for her affectionately, like they were mates. He didn't even want Lily to run with him, so why would he look at her so worried? His hazel eyes were dark today, reflecting the grey skies outside. Lily crossed her legs to get her ankle away from his prodding foot.

"Lily," his voice dropped, the playful tone leaving as he pinched her knee, "Why do you look so upset?"

"I'm not upset," she reached up to twist one of her red curls around her finger uneasily.

"Liar," he nudged her again, "You stare at your feet when you're angry."

Lily jolted, tipping her chin up from her chest. "I do not!"

She hated how observant he was.

James only smiled as she bit her tongue before she said something she might regret. He didn't stop smiling, even after she entered her sound box and began reading the script where she'd left off. She dove into the fantasy world of Princess Piper, getting into character with every sentence. Still, every time she looked up to take notes from the sound producer, James was smiling at her like she'd done something adorable.

Hope bubbled in her stomach.

"Lily can you re-do pages forty-five and forty-six?" someone asked her as she got lost in James' kind gaze.

"What?" she hummed into the mic.

"We're re-recording page forty-five and six." Simon Englewood, the producer, told her, "Got it?"

"Right," she felt her cheeks heat up and her gaze dropped back to her script, "Where do you want me to pick up?"

"_Looks can be deceiving_, marker two?"

Lily nodded and started reciting her lines with even more enthusiasm, "_I know I saw a light in you…_"

James was unobtrusive on their way home, his smile long deteriorated from traveling to and from Burbank. Alice waved from the computer room when they got in the house, Frank was at her side. James and Frank greeted each other like old friends as Lily went to her kitchen and pulled out a cup of Ramen noodles.

James snorted when he walked into the kitchen with Alice, taking in Lily's cup of Ramen with entertained eyes, "I think you single handedly fund the Ramen Noodle company."

Lily stuck her tongue out at James before dipping her fork into her microwaved dinner. Alice put a phone on the counter and then turned to face Lily.

"Who do you want to go to the Emmy's with you?" she asked, "Frank and I are both working that night."

Lily frowned at the mention of her most recent anxiety attack, "Can I just not go?"

"Of course," Alice said knowingly, "But you're the one who has to deal with Peter."

Lily grumbled and ate more of her ramen, intentionally staring at her feet. There was a bit of silence and then James' voice woke Lily up from her stewing.

"I can take you."

Lily looked up optimistically, but Alice shot it down quickly, "James you already work overtime."

"I'm salaried." James argued, "I don't get overtime."

Alice put her hands on her hips, "well, Frank and I are the designated nighttime guards. You can't keep doing our job for us."

"I don't mind." James seemed irritated, "if she wants me there."

"_James_."

"_Alice_."

"We're all paid to take care of her." Alice said.

"And we do."

"Frank and I see her substantially less than you."

"Is that a problem?" James asked.

"You know you're over-stepping." Alice snapped and James frowned darkly.

"I want him there." Lily spoke up viciously between their argument.

Alice looked annoyed, glaring at Lily. James had a smile so wide in her direction that Lily saw stars.

"I want James to go to the Emmy's with me." Lily only had eyes for James' smile.

"You hear that Alice?" James whispered softly, "she just requested me."

Alice's mouth was a thin line, "who am I to go against Lily's wishes?" she shook her finger at James, "but if Moody gets wind you've been working so much, we're all in trouble."

"Yeah, yeah," James waved Alice's concerns off as he came around to the sink where he washed his hand, "we won't get in trouble."

Alice didn't seem too convinced.

Award season was coming to an end, so Lily was thankful that she'd have James for the last one. James seemed happy she'd personally asked for him too, he was whistling a lot more, a sign he was happy. She was getting a dress fitted for the night and Sirius asked James if he could dress him up for fun. James and Sirius had been hanging out a lot on James' night off. Lily was always around but they really seemed to be connecting. She tried not to be too jealous.

Lily was asked by Disney to sing a new song from _Piper_ at the Emmys. It wasn't so much a request as it was a demand. Peter told Disney yes before Lily could even think to say no. It would be her first performance since Manchester, something the media wasn't quick to forget. Once again, her face was on every news station and internet site.

_Lily Evans to Perform New Song _

_Lily Evans Heading Back to the Stage After Bombing_

_Disney's Newest Princess: Lily Evans_

Lily's father called, having seen the headlines. Lily answered his call as she picked shells out of the ocean late at night. Frank was right behind her as she picked up white shells and tucked them into her pockets. Lily's dad was talking into her ear so fast she had to ask him to slow down.

"I don't have a choice Dad," she told him, "I signed a contract with Disney and that contract included performances."

"How are you doing Superstar?" her father repeated, "are you okay with performing again?"

"I've been really busy with _Piper_," she said, "but I saw the storyboard the other day and the animation looks amazing."

"That's not what I asked." her father knew she was trying to divert the conversation.

"I'm okay." she said more softly, glancing over her shoulder to find Frank on his phone, trying to give her as much space as possible, "I just wish I could take a vacation."

"Did you get my email about Petunia's wedding?"

"That won't be a vacation." Lily mumbled darkly, thinking of her bitter sister Petunia.

Her dad asked doubtfully, "Lily, did you see the set date?"

"No," Lily furrowed her brow, remembering her sister's brief text about her engagement, "Peter's been managing my e-mails."

"Oh," her father sounded reassured, "then he'll know to get you home."

"When is it?" she asked, letting the ocean water wash over her toes.

"November 13th."

"_This_ November?" Lily stopped bending down to grab a shell in favor of standing upright in disbelief, "Dad that's in less than two months!"

"I know," he eased her concern, "but it's going to be a small wedding. She says she doesn't want any fanfare."

"Dad," Lily emphasized every word, "I'll be on a press tour for Piper right after that. Can't she wait until the new year?"

"Now Lily," her father said sternly, "Petunia has rearranged her schedule for you hundreds of times and never complained."

"_Dad_!"

"Okay, hardly never." he appeased, "but this is Pet's wedding day."

Lily pressed her fingers to the bridge of her nose.

"Okay. Okay." she felt like crying, "I'll make it work."

"That's my Superstar." her dad sounded thankful, "I know it's late there, are you about to head to sleep?"

"No," Lily brushed her fingers through her hair, "no, I'm not tired."

"You are taking care of yourself, aren't you?" he probed worriedly.

"Yes dad," she swore, "as best as I can."

They were both silent for a moment. Lily wondered if he knew she was lying but didn't know what to say. Her dad was never good at deciphering feelings. Lily's mum had always been the one to solve problems and he just couldn't hold a light to Rose Evans when it came to making Lily feel better.

"I uhm," she kicked at the sand, "I wish you were here."

"Me too, Superstar." he sounded decades older, "but someone's gotta take care of Granda."

"I know." she whispered, holding her phone with both hands, "give him my love, by the way."

"We miss you Lily."

"I miss you too."

When Lily hung up, she was no longer interested in collecting shells. She made her way back up the beach, digging her heels into the sand with each step. Frank followed behind, close, but he pretended not to hear her give a little sniff. She wiped one tear from her cheek as she climbed up the stairs to her patio. James, who was technically off, looked up with a smile when she passed by his room. She just gave him a pitiful wave.

"See you in the morning?" he called after her.

"In the morning." she agreed.

"Hey? hey, _hey_!"

She heard him roll out of his bed and then, unexpectedly, his hand was wrapping around her wrist. Lily cringed as he tugged her back before she could grab her door handle. He kept his hold firm, as if he were her anchor to the Earth.

"What's wrong?" he questioned, "are you crying?"

"Nothing." she said, "no."

"Lily," his voice was so soft it made her turn to look into his warm eyes, "you can talk to me."

Lily's eyes dropped to his legs, where she knew he was injured beyond repair. In retrospect, all her problems seemed silly to talk to him about. She knew that something cruel had happened to James and she didn't want to complain about her life to someone who'd gone through something probably ten times worse than her experiences.

She built herself up, trying to look confident, "I'm fine James."

He let go of her wrist and she let out a breath she wasn't aware she'd been holding. James stared her down and a line appeared between his eyebrows. He looked like he really wanted her to talk but she couldn't bring herself to tell him that she was just upset because her sister was getting married at an inconvenient time. James probably already thought she was a privileged Princess and she didn't want to encourage those thoughts by crying over her life.

"I need to get some sleep." she muttered, "I have a dress fitting with Mary in the morning."

His face fell, "_Again_?"

She tilted her head, "Yes?"

"Evans," he looked maddened and she almost smiled, "We've been every day, for the last _three_ days."

"And?"

"How many times do you need to try on one dress?"

"She's sewing it by hand, James." Lily said, "it's an artform."

"An artform." He repeated with skepticism.

"If you hate it so much," she said, "I'm sure Alice will take your place."

James shook his head and his hand lifted to his hair, "no, it's my job."

"How about we grab lunch after?" Lily offered him a win, "I'll pay."

He eyed her warily, not trusting her coy grin.

He finally sighed, "Goodnight, Red."

She beamed, "Night, James."

He could always make her smile.

Lily's designer friend, Mary was making her dress for the Emmy's. James, who was a boy in every sense, didn't know fashion if it bit him in the arse. He didn't mind all her other meetings, but he hated going to Mary's studio because he thought it was boring. She only knew that because she overheard him complaining about it on the phone while he did push-ups on the patio one morning.

James got into the car with her the next morning despite his previous protests. He was wearing his usual dark clothes, a pair of sunglasses on his face. The streets were busy, and it took them awhile to make it to Mary's Studio downtown. Once Lily got into the studio, she gave James her card and asked him to stop by Starbucks down the block. He looked hesitant to leave her, but he could tell she needed caffeine.

By the time Mary had Lily in her gown and was checking seams, James had returned with a latte in his hands. Lily perked up when he walked in and raised one of her hands for the cup. James handed it over with a smirk as she drank three giant gulps of the coffee.

"Did you sleep last night?" he asked when she handed it back and let Mary continue her measurements.

"As best I could." she told him as Mary pricked her accidentally with a needle, "you?"

"As best I could." he replied, bowing his head and walking to the other side of the room.

Mary asked James a few questions, but she mostly stayed consumed in Lily. The dress she was making was bright yellow, inspired by a sunflower. The stitching's in the arms were actually flowers and Mary was obsessing over the tiny details. Lily stared into the floor length mirror, tired, as Mary made changes to the gown.

"I've got it." James said suddenly from the opposite wall, "Big Bird."

Lily looked up from the folds of yellow dress to find James leaning against the farthest wall with the latte still in his hands. The black color of his clothes suited James among the rich fabrics and designs hanging from Mary's studio walls. James normally stood outside the fitting room, but it was Lily's final fitting and he wanted to see what the fuss was about.

"Big Bird?" Lily repeated.

"That's who you look like." James nodded firmly.

"Big _bird_?"

Lily stared at James half in horror as she imagined the ugly, tall and yellow character from her childhood. Truth be told, Lily had been _terrified_ of Big Bird as a child. Lily's mum used to race to the TV to turn it off before Lily burst into tears. James didn't take the hint that she was offended because he continued.

"I've been trying to figure out what you looked like for the last forty minutes."

"Congratulations." Lily said through clenched teeth, looking to make sure Mary wasn't offended.

Mary looked to be full of laughter instead.

"So," James played with the lid on the latte and ignored Lily's inflamed cheeks, "Are you trying to connect to the youths of America by dressing up as a _Sesame Street_ character?"

"It's just a yellow dress." She said through clenched teeth, her hands smoothing the yellow ruffles down on her chest.

"It's got plumage." James said.

"They're ruffles!" Lily widened her eyes at James.

He only grinned wider, "Red, your new nickname is going to be bird—"

"If you open your mouth one more time, James Potter, I'll stab you with a sewing needle." Lily cut him off from speaking as Mary finished pinning the waist into place.

James put up his hands in defense but there was a sparkle of humor behind his normally stiff demeanor. "I didn't mean to offend you."

Lily wondered who he really was, when he let his guard down. Literally and figuratively. She played with a strand of her hair thoughtfully as she turned her gaze away from him and back to the long mirror.

"When you tell a girl that she looks like a _Sesame Street_ character," Lily said as Mary snickered into Lily's sleeve, "it's _normally _taken offensively."

"Lesson learned."

Still, he looked so enthused, that Lily asked Mary to cut down on a few ruffles. Mary did as she was asked with a knowing smirk.

"I like him," Mary said after James left so Lily could change, "he's funny."

"He's a pain in my arse," Lily said disparagingly as she pulled her jeans on.

Mary just clucked her tongue.

Lily grabbed her latte from James on their way out of the studio. James just snickered at Lily's angry expression and nodded politely at Mary before following Lily to the side street.

"So, are you keeping the Big Bird dress?" he asked as they adjusted in the back of the taxi whisking them off to lunch at Lily's favorite sushi restaurant.

"Yes I like it."

"Fashion is weird."

Lily kicked out without thinking and hit his leg, right where there was no leg at all. He froze and looked down at his leg. A bit of red creeped up his cheeks and she saw his eyes dart around the car as if looking for the nearest exit. She remembered that she wasn't supposed to know about his leg, but she couldn't help and already ruin a nice day. It's what she always did best.

"I saw your leg, you know."

"_What_?"

Tortured eyes shot up to her, he looked as if he were a ghost, pallid in comparison to his normal complexion. The only remaining color was from his neck and ears, a bright blotchy red that gave away how embarrassed he was. Lily felt a lurch in her heart for him, pity and kindness enveloping her.

Lily swallowed and picked at her fingernail polish as she asked, "What happened to it?"

"None of your business." he was suddenly cold and withdrawn, staring at his own feet.

"James," she pointed out, trying to be playful with him, "You know everything about me."

James flicked lint from his shirt, "That's because it's my job to."

Lily frowned, "I'm trying to get to know you better, as a friend."

James got out of the taxi, opening the door and motioning for her to get out. Lily sighed and did as she was asked, sending him a deplorable look. The sushi place was crowded, and a table of her fans erupted into cheers the moment they spotted her. Lily was forced to put James behind her and sign napkins before she could eat. After about a hundred photos, the sushi owners swept Lily to the back with James' help.

"It much easier with you around," the cook patted James on the back as Lily ordered sushi at a small table near the fryer, "usually kids try to come back here too."

"You wave a gun in any person's face and they stop dead." Abby, the manager, spoke from beside Lily, "I stick to using my hot oil as threat!"

Lily cackled as James put his hand on the holster on his hip, where his gun always sat, "I'll never forget you throwing that fried shrimp at that kid who tried to follow me back here."

Abby patted Lily's back before continuing to work on orders. The primary cook, Joe, who'd known Lily just as long as Abby, started frying up some squid. Lily was aware of James watching her and she looked up.

"What, James? Do you want to sit?" she motioned to the little chair next to her at the small table, "Sit."

"I'm fine." he said stubbornly, "I wasn't—I don't need to sit."

"Then why are you staring at me?"

"Because you a pretty girl!" Abby said as she passed, laughing and pinching Lily's closest cheek, "We _all_ stare."

Lily batted Abby's hand away a second time before considering James, standing by the door that led into the lobby like a statue. He was staring at his feet and she wondered suddenly if he was actually really upset with her for mentioning his leg.

"James?" her voice was softer now, less playful, and his eyes lifted to hers, "Come sit with me, _please_."

James shook his head, "Someone could come through the door and ask you for another autograph."

"And Abby will throw squids at their heads." Lily snorted, patting the seat at her side, "besides, I don't mind the autographs. Really, I just want to relax, and I can't do that with you standing guard at the door."

"That's my job, Red."

He continued to complain but he walked over to her and dropped into the chair next to her. Lily should've been upset that he used the nickname again, but she couldn't be mad, not when it meant that he'd already calmed down and forgave her. Abby brought them both diet colas and then Joe made twice the amount of sushi for James and Lily to share.

"How long have you known them?" James asked her when Abby and Joe took the trash out back.

Lily thought back as she swallowed her sushi, "Seven years?"

He said softly, "They seem to really care about you."

Lily smiled fondly, dipping her chopsticks back into the fried calamari, "Abby was in a spin class with my mum when I was just starting out, right after I won _Sing It!_"

"Your mum," he fiddled with his chopsticks awkwardly, "She passed away, right?"

Lily stopped lifting the calamari to her mouth so she could turn to look at James, "Yeah," she said, "She died when I was seventeen. New Years Day. Car accident."

"I'm sorry," he was so close that she could trace the gold in his eyes, "I lost my parents too. I was seventeen."

"We have a lot in common then." she said, watching as he dropped his gaze, "don't we?"

"We have a bit in common, yeah."

Lily didn't want to pry, she didn't want him to get mad at her again, so she looked down at her plate and ate silently. James played with his sushi, seemingly deep in thought. Lily paid the bill, only speaking to James to ask him if he wanted to take any leftovers for home. Despite his head shake no, Abby brought out a bag stuffed full of goodies.

"We all know Lily lives off leftovers." Abby tittered as James led Lily to the back door.

"I know," James sounded more like himself again as they said goodbye to Abby and Joe, "She's a terrible cook."

"Ha. Ha." Lily said, "let's all make fun of Lily Evans, the girl who can't cook and lives off sushi and Ramen Noodles."

James shook his head in her direction as they got into the car waiting for them outback. The driver, Tom, was smiling too. He asked them how lunch was, bald head gleaming as he turned onto the Hollywood streets. Lily told Tom lunch was okay before turning her attention back to James. He was playing with his fingernails like a child.

"What were your parents' names?" she asked.

James licked his lips before saying fondly, "Mia and Monty Potter, as they were known to their friends." He looked into her eyes, "but to me they were just Mum and Da."

"My mum, her name was Rose. I named my last album after her."

"I listened to it." he said and she perked up, "I thought it was really good."

"Really?" for some reason, praise from him was better than any Grammy.

James nodded, "I really liked the song, Don't Leave Me, the one where you talk about having tea in rose gardens. It reminds me of my mum."

"Do you ever forget little things about them?" she twisted her hands in her lap, "like how they smell or how they laugh?"

James looked sad, "I can barely remember their faces, without photographs."

"Me too."

When Lily got home, she went for a walk on the beach, James walking by her side. James kept his eyes roving around them from trouble but for the most part, he was looking at her. As they walked, they talked about their family.

"Mum and I used to go to Lake Placid every Christmas." Lily remembered fondly, "it's this small town in Upstate New York and there's so many fun things we did while we were there."

"My mum used to take me to Greece," James said as they walked the beach together, "and Da, he was always taking us on hikes through the Scottish countryside. He loved the outdoors."

"Was it hard when you lost them?" Lily asked, folding her hands behind her back as she remembered how hard it was to lose her mum.

"Yeah." James nodded, "that's when I went off the deep end, really."

"What do you mean?"

James swallowed hoarsely, "I let my scores fall. I was drinking every night and I wasted the money they left me on parties and stupid things like that." He sighed, "I was in such bad shape that the only thing I could do by the time I finished school was enlist in the military."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"Thanks," he sounded far away, lost in his own memories, "but joining the Military wasn't the worst thing in my life. It gave me a purpose."

"Then why'd you leave the military?" Lily tucked her hair behind her ear.

"I dunno," James said, "why'd you stay in Scotland so long?"

Lily was taken aback from his question, "what do you mean?"

James pushed his glasses up his nose, "why'd you stay in Scotland after Manchester?"

Lily blinked, warning lights going off in her head as she spiraled into her own memories of Manchester. James realized she was falling, and he placed a hand on her shoulder steadying her. She was brought back to the beach, the salt air stinging her nose.

"Hey," he whispered, "I'm sorry, Lily, I know you don't like thinking about it. I shouldn't have—"

"It's fine," Lily lied, "I'm fine."

"No," he whispered desperately, "you're _scared_."

Lily chewed on her lip, "how do you know that I'm scared?"

"Because I left the military for the same reason you stayed in Scotland."

They'd stopped walking. Lily was staring up into his eyes and she didn't say half the things she wanted to.

"You were scared?" she murmured, the sea breeze blowing her hair into her eyes.

His eyes reflected a sadness that she knew all too well, "you're not the only one who can't sleep at night."

"I'm sorry, James."

Lily swiftly reached out and her hand enveloped his. James looked down at her fingers as they twisted into his own. Then he looked up at her face. For a second, he had her believing that she wouldn't always have to feel alone. When her hand finally dropped away from his, they were both flushing.

James walked back to the house with his hands in his pockets, like he was scared she might touch him again. Lily just stepped closer to him, her shoulders brushing his as they walked up the stairs from the sandy dunes. When they got to the patio doors and his hands came out of his pockets to grab the handle, she reached out at the same time so their hands would touch one last time for the night.

Her fingers brushed against his own, making him pause. His chin fell as he took in her avid staring. The tension between them was radiant and full of electricity. Her heartbeat swept into a steady rhythm as her fingers curved deliberately against his own on the door handle. They were inches apart. James was holding Lily's stare, looking at her like she was nothing but trouble for grabbing his hand like she did.

She just couldn't help herself.

* * *

**Next Time:**

"You've dealt with more in the last five months than most people deal with in their lifetime and you still get up and do your job...you smile...your kind..." James reached out tentatively to grab her shoulder, "It's okay if you aren't alright every second of every day."

Lily blinked back tears as she stared into his kind face, "Is it okay?" she whispered, "When every move I make is scrutinized? When I'm supposed to be this great lyricist and I haven't written a decent set of lyrics in months?" she was panting again, only this time from all her pent-up anger, "Everyone judges me every second of my life! If I'm sad, suddenly the papers call me ungrateful! If I'm remotely happy for two seconds? I'm selfish! I can't win! I had a fucking _bomb_ go off at my concert and they just expect me to pick right back up where I left off!"


	6. Begin Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is actually 1/2 of a really big chapter that I ended up splitting because the chapter with the split was 52 pages long and super condensed...so get ready to click next at the end of this chapter for the next! You won't want to miss it ;)

"Okay Lily, big finish," Anita the production assistant said into her microphone that projected into Lily's headphones, "Piper has just defeated the The Corryvreckan, she's traveling home triumphant!"

"Triumphant." Lily shook herself, "right, I'll try to be more excited."

"The last go was great," Anita vowed, "just this time, try to sound a bit more like a kid. Like how you were when you won _Sing It!_ as a kid."

Lily didn't figure it would do anyone in the studio any good if Lily admitted she could barely remember _Sing It!_ after all the years growing away from it. Still, she dug deep down and pulled out the repressed memories to try and give the producers what they wanted.

The recording studio where Lily was recording her bits for Disney's new film _Piper_ was small and cozy, in the middle of downtown Burbank. When Lily was younger, she recorded her debut album in a similar studio in East London. Lily's mum had managed Lily back then. Rose Evans was insistent that Lily still stay close to home so Petunia wouldn't get moved around. Lily was thankful for it but back then, but even Rose couldn't have predicted how Lily's stardom would skyrocket. Rose handed over the reins of Lily's career over to the person who'd been there for Lily since he discovered her singing in a small tavern at Christmas, Peter Pettigrew.

Peter had always been Lily's self-proclaimed biggest fan. He boasted in interviews about how intelligent she was and always pushed her to try her hardest. Lily's parents considered him a part of the family and even Petunia got the stout man a gift every Christmas. He'd been with the Evans family since Lily was a kid and as such, Lily trusted his opinion. The fact that Peter pushed her to do Piper despite her reservations was something Lily was thankful for.

Even with her life falling apart, she enjoyed working with Disney's animators and storytellers. There was just a certain magic about it all and Lily wished her mother were alive to experience it. The producers and storytellers had a charmed energy that dragged Lily out of her shell every session, making her think harder and develop feelings she hadn't felt in a really long time. Inside her tiny box in the recording studio, Lily was freer than she'd felt like in ages.

Even James was smiling more and more with each session in Burbank. As Lily finished up her last song, he was in the corner of the control room. He had his arms crossed over his chest and he was nodding along to the music and smiling as Lily twirled and danced like a child. Both of them found a sort of peace in the small studio that made the electricity between them only spark more.

On the very last day of Lily's recording sessions, she was actually almost sad she'd not have anything to do on weekday afternoons. One of the executive producers asked Lily if she wanted to go on an adventure after she was finished recording. Lily agreed before she finished singing the background vocals of Piper's last song.

Once recording was done and the producers were mollified, Lily exited the soundbooth and that's when James left his corner. She smiled up at him favorably, her heart growing until she realized he was frowning instead of grinning like he normally did when she left the soundbooth.

"What's wrong?" she asked James warily, not trusting the look on his face.

"Someone texted you." he said sullenly, pulling her phone out of his pocket and handing it back to her.

"Who?"

Lily's eyebrows knitted together as she opened the screen to find Steven Roosevelt's name flashing across the preview. She stifled a squeak and James' lips flickered up briefly when her reaction was less than thrilled. She looked back up at James, desperate to ease whatever he was angry about even though she really had no idea.

"James, I meant what I said. I don't want to talk to him."

"He wants to talk to you." James mumbled, motioning to the screen.

"Call me." she mocked out loud before huffing, "why are men so infuriating."

"Don't lump me in with that git." James warned.

"Sorry." Lily said regretfully, " I didn't mean that."

"I know what you meant." James said carefully as he pulled her jacket from it's hook.

Lily remembered when they broke up, the first time, when Steven had said he'd had enough of her fame and the spotlight. It had been after their first anniversary and he'd said he needed space, so she gave it to him only for him to say they needed to break up because they hadn't seen each other in a month. Then, after they broke up, Steven called her a week later and told Lily he loved her and that he was sorry. Looking back on it now, Lily should've seen the signs.

Lily preformed a little angry stomp dance, "Why. Does. He. Do. This."

"I'd be happy to call him back for you." James said as he passed Lily her jean jacket, "but he won't like what I have to say."

Before Lily could take James up on his offer and pass over her phone just to hear what James wanted to say to Steven, the producer of _Piper_ touched Lily's shoulder and intersected the conversation. Lily turned to the young producer named Edgar Bones, who'd been one of her favorite producers to work with. Edgar was holding a phone to his chest, but his smile was wide and hopeful.

"Whats up Edgar?" Lily asked, tucking her phone into her pocket for later.

"How would you like a quick trip to Disneyland?"

Lily quirked her head, "_Disneyland_? Like the theme park?"

Edgar nodded, "I have Gary, the park manager, on the phone and he'd like to take you on a private tour to celebrate finishing _Piper_."

Lily didn't even remember the last time she'd been to a theme park. Normally, crowds were something she avoided even before the events at Manchester. A theme park seemed to normal, something unattainable to Lily, and Edgar was offering it up on a silver platter plus…Lily peeked between her lashes at James who was picking lint off his coat...James would be there. More time with James seemed like the icing on the cake.

"James?" she asked politely, but her smile was wide and childlike.

James looked up from his jacket and chuckled when he was the expression on her face, she didn't even have to beg, "whatever you want, Red."

Lily hadn't felt the kind of giddy madness in her belly for a long time as she turned back to Edgar, "of course we'll go to Disneyland." she said, "who would pass up a private tour of the most magical place on earth?"

It took about an hour and a half for the hired car to get them to the back entrance to Disneyland. James was quiet, but he kept looking at Lily as if entranced by her childlike wonder as Edgar talked about the schematics of _Pirates of the Caribbean_. Lily chatted with Edgar about the possibilities of a _Piper_-themed ride while they waited for the entourage of executives who were excited to spoil the newest Disney Princess with an afternoon at Disneyland.

"Have you ever been?" Edgar asked Lily as they walked through the tunnels leading to Tomorrowland.

"To Disneyland?" Lily asked and he shook his head yes as they made their way through the utility tunnels, "no, my parents took my sister and I to Disneyland Paris when I was a kid though. Right after I won _Sing It!-_it was fun."

Petunia and Lily had worn matching dresses that Grandma Evans made them. Lily still remembered getting a balloon that she and Petunia shared all night. Most of all, she fondly remembered her parents kissing in front of a twinkling castle. Lily couldn't help but glance in James' direction with similar wisps of magical butterflies. James, of course, was still fashioning his face up into a stern frown.

Lily nudged him with her elbow as their small group from the recording studio met up with a large group of people in suits and costumes. James looked down at her in wonder when she hit him, his eyebrows quirking up into his hairline.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Lighten up," she teased him, "we're in the happiest place on Earth."

"I _am_ happy," he muttered back insistently, "I just don't like theme parks. Too many crowds."

"We're VIP." Lily promised him with a giggle, "I won't get run over by a Stoller with all these people watching, so try not to look so ready to jump in front of a mum trying to beat the lines."

James mocked her little laugh, but she noticed he relaxed, if only a little. She resisted the urge to reach out and tug his hand into hers so she could squeeze it. Instead, she settled for her hand lightly brushing his before she reached out to shake the hands of about ten different Disneyland executives. Beside her, James' stiffened from the touch. Lily ignored his stiffness as she said hello to every person in the party. Lily introduced everyone to James, who only nodded politely, before they were all swept up by the general manager for a VIP tour of Disneyland.

It was like a bunch of other press tours she'd ever done, with cameras pointed in her face as she took in every little detail painted into the Disney park, the only difference was she kept looking at James to gauge his reaction. He seemed to love watching the little kids as they met Goofy by a set of precariously potted plants. Lily laughed when Donald Duck stopped by to give Lily a quick kiss on her cheek and she caught James' eyes as she cackled. She was surprised to find James was looking at Lily like she made him so happy, like her laughter was his world.

Lily politely turned down the chance to go on Space Mountain, not feeling anywhere near prepared to go on a rollercoaster that was blanketed in darkness. James looked relieved that she'd turned it down. They were both led onto Star Tours, unsuspecting. Lily thought it'd be okay because she knew James was a fan of Star Wars but he opted to stay off the ride and wait for Lily at the exit.

"Have you ever done the astro blasters?" Gary, the park manager asked Lily, with enthusiasm that could match some of the kids around them.

"No," Lily said, "let's do it!"

James followed her onto this ride, ending up in the same two-seat buggy affixed with fake laser guns to 'hunt' aliens. Gary turned around before the buggy entered the dark ride to explain the rules. As they entered the first room filled with well plotted bulls' eyes Lily grabbed her gun and nudged James.

"I bet I can beat your score."

James laughed and grabbed his own little handheld laser pointer. It became clear after the first room, that James had deadly accuracy with his laser pointer. Lily screeched angrily as he started climbing from 100 points to 1000 while Lily still only had 500.

"What are you _doing_?!" she yelled as he laughed beside her, both of them knocking elbows as Lily began shooting at everything and anything just to try and keep up, "How are you _beating_ me?"

And James, solemn and serious James, actually had the nerve to lean into her and try to knock her gun away from an alien, "Keep up, Red!"

"James Potter you better let me win!"

"I don't believe that's in my job description!"

He was laughing and she was trying not to curse with Disney executives all around them.

"You're cheating!" she screeched, only to burst into laughter when he shot her a devilish grin that glowed in the blacklights.

"I am not!" James disputed, "I am a man of _honor_."

"_Man of honor_." Lily scoffed.

He used his elbow to knock her demanding hands out of the way when she tried to over his gun laser. Behind them, Edgar and Anita were laughing at them. The ride slowed to the end and James' score flashed on the screen, naming him the winner of Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters. Lily's jaw dropped when she saw he'd scored a 950,500. She'd gotten 150,000.

James laughed when she smacked him as they exited the ride. Gary, laughed when he saw their private bickering.

"Who won?"

"My stupid bodyguard." Lily rolled her eyes, and everyone laughed.

"Oh, I'm stupid now?" James was still smiled and Hell, she wished he'd smile before because he was so fucking handsome.

"Yes, stupid."

Her face was flushed and she was thankful Gary had more touring to do because it got her away from James' attractive-stupid-face. VIP employees kept the crowds at bay, doing James' job for him and allowing James to relax at Lily's side. She stayed close to James, still feeling safe with him at her right as they walked the park.

As they were walking through a frontier land, Lily spotted something she'd always wanted to try. Carmel mickey-shaped apples sat in the window of one of the shops. Like a child in a candy shop, Lily grabbed James' hand without thinking and tugged him closer to the windows, pointing at them.

"James look how cool these are!"

"Cool," James agreed, but he wasn't looking at the apples, he was too busy watching her face light up as guests in the windows waved at her.

Lily waved to her fans before looking back down at the treats. The apples were laid out in front of the window, each one with a different design. Edgar pointed out his favorite, the apple colored to look like the apple given to snow white by the Evil Queen. Lily nodded at that one keenly but pointed at the apple that was shaped like a mickey pumpkin head.

"That one's very festive." Lily said, "I love fall so much."

The park manager told Lily to wait and he went inside the shop only to come out with a candied apple just for her. She lit up like a freaking stage light and everyone laughed as she took the wooden stick. Everyone's eyes and Disney cameras were on Lily's face as she took her first bite of a Mickey shaped Carmel apple. It was hard to get a quality bite of the whole thing and she protested as some of the chocolate coating fell to the sidewalk. Carmel and apple juice stuck to her chin as she chewed thoughtfully.

"How is it?" Gary, the park manager, asked her with a Disney-like sparkle in his blue eyes.

Lily sent Gary and the cameras a thumbs up as she tried to chew and swallow, "_so_ good."

Lily wouldn't mind doing press and media if it was all done inside Disneyland. They went on a river cruise and met a woman dressed like Lily's favorite character, Mary Poppins. James took pictures for Lily with his phone. Lily ate half her apple before a guide took it from her knowingly. Lily thanked one of the employees when they handed her a wet napkin to use to clean caramel from her chin.

"They're very sweet." the guide assured Lily, "no one can ever finish them."

The tour group stopped in front of the pink and grey Sleeping Beauty castle, the central hub of Disneyland. That's when she realized just how many guests had stopped their day to watch her. Lily's forgotten what it was like to be watched so closely after trying to hide from the paparazzi. The people around her had their phones out, taking photos and videos as the Disney executives started setting up for her to take pictures in front of the castle.

Lily stared at the giant castle much like the little kids would, in complete awe. It was gorgeous, like right out of a fairytale with spiraling towers. Gary had Lily and the _Piper_ execs stand in front of it for the Disney photographers documenting Lily's first trip. Lily leaned on Edgars arm happily, staring at the camera for the photographs when her eyes fell on James.

He was leaning down beside one of the stations keeping regular guests back. The reason he caught Lily's eye was because he was talking with a little girl in a bright blue Cinderella dress. The little girl was staring at Lily with wide, desperate eyes. She was nodding along to whatever James was saying and then James started talking to two adults holding onto Cinderella's hands. Lily didn't know what made her gut lurch as she watched James interact with the little Cinderella, but there was something about seeing him interact with a child that made him so much softer around the edges.

"Lily!" the photographer called abruptly, "up here!"

Lily flushed as she looked back up at the camera, forcing a smile back on her face. They took a few solos of Lily as well, having her preform various poses in front of the castle. A worker brought Lily a beautiful sparkling crown to wear for photos and she continued posing until she saw James coming her way. She hesitated, pulling the crown from her head as James approached with his hand attached to the young girl in the Cinderella dress.

Lily's eyes met James' glowing gaze. He looked awkward as he brought the little girl to Lily, like he was nervous.

"What's wrong James?"

The little girl suddenly ripped from James' hand once she was close enough to Lily. Cinderella couldn't have been older than seven, but she fell into Lily like a toddler, tiny arms wrapping around Lily's waist. Camera flashes were nonstop, and the crowds had stopped moving to watch what was happening below the castle. Lily hugged the little girl back, but she was still looking at James with wonder. He motioned at the girl and so, Lily knelt down to the little girl's height.

Lily didn't notice any of her surroundings as the girl lifted her face, showing off a rather long scar across her right cheek. Lily pressed her hand to the little girl's back, prompting the girl to smile even wider through her small tears.

"Why are you crying?" she asked the little girl, "this _is_ the happiest place on Earth."

"I'm crying because I'm happy." her accent was a familiar Scottish quip that made Lily smile even wider.

"What's your name?"

"I'm Skye." she said, her little blond curls falling into her face, "you're my favorite singer _of all time._"

"Thank you." Lily said tenderly, "That means so much to me, Skye."

James seemed to sense her confusion. He knelt down too, placing a hand on Lily's shoulder. Lily looked up at him in bewilderment, still unsure why he'd brought a little girl to her.

"She was at your concert in Manchester." he said, "I heard her talking to her parents about it."

Lily's jaw fell open and she looked back down at the sweet girl. Lily hadn't seen Skye at the concert, of course, but Lily still felt the shockwaves enter her brain at the mere thought that Skye had been one of the kids permanently wounded because of Lily. Skye's scar, which took over her whole cheek, seemed even more prominent now that Lily knew where it came from. James' grip on her shoulder kept her grounded, instead of letting her float away with her insecurities. Lily reached up and Skye's face fumbled when Lily's fingers traced her scar in repulsion.

"Mummy says it makes me special." The girl whispered, "do you have any scars from it like me?"

It killed Lily to admit, "no, no Skye…I was very lucky…" Lily looked back up and met James' almost black stare, "I had James."

His expression relaxed and he gave her a toothless smile that conveyed more than anything else ever had. Lily forced herself to turn her eyes away from James, her literal guardian. She wanted to stare into his profound eyes forever.

"Where are your parents?" Lily brushed at Skye's curls, "I'd like to meet them."

"Over there."

Skye pointed with one finger. The woman had Skye's blond curls. The man had Skye's round face. Skye was the perfect mix of both of her parents and clearly, their pride and joy. Both mum and dad were crying. Skye's mum had her hands clasped over her mouth.

It was like looking in the mirror of a time Lily had long forgotten where Lily's mum stood on stage next to her with the same expression after Lily won Sing It! and changed their lives forever. Lily meeting Skye was lifechanging for their family, which had clearly been through a lot since Manchester.

Lily stood up, picking Skye up too. She was aware that there were thousands of people watching her as she kissed a little girl on the cheek, but Lily didn't care at all. Lily turned to Gary, the only executive close enough to her.

"Gary can you get her parents on the other side of the barriers?"

"Of course."

Skye was pretty heavy to be carrying but Lily didn't mind, hugging the brave little girl to herself as she walked over to the parents. For months and months, she'd been trying to see clearer and forgive herself for what had happened at the concert in Manchester. Like fate, James had brought her Skye, a reminder that not everyone hated her and there was still enough hope in the world to combat the crimes. Cameras focused on Lily as she brought the little Princess over to her parents. The mother held out her arms to take Skye from Lily, but Lily just held onto the girl desperately. She was tired of pretending she was ever going to be okay because just like Skye, she had scars from the concert, but her scars weren't visible.

"Hi, I'm Lily." Lily said to the parents kindly once they met in the middle of the bridge, "It's so nice to meet you."

The mum cried even harder, "Skye—she loves you so much."

Lily felt her own eyes get heavier with saltwater, "I don't know how I can ever apologize for what happened to your daughter at my concert in Manchester."

The father shook his head, thick mustache wiggling on his upper lip, "there's nothing to apologize for."

Lily looked at the little girl in her arms. Skye stared up at Lily with starstruck eyes as Lily let her down to her feet. Once Skye was standing on her own two sparkly feet, Lily got to Skye's level. Despite her scars, Skye was still so full of life. Lily had the world at her disposal, all the money she could ever need, and she was so busy feeling sorry for herself she hadn't thought to consider what her fans caught in the blast had underwent.

Sure, Lily and Sirius had gone to the hospital for her to pay her respects to some of the fans injured but there was no way she'd met everyone. Skye was an example of the strangers Lily would likely never meet. Strangers who still looked up to her and wanted to heal just like Lily did.

"You are the bravest little girl." Lily told Skye sincerely, "here."

Lily pulled the crown in her hands up. Skye's blue eyes widened as Lily placed the crown on top of Skye's bouncing curls. Skye's face lit up, making the scar on her cheek more evident as she adjusted the crowd on her curls. Lily laughed once more as Skye hugged her again, absolutely ecstatic with her gift. Lily kissed Skye's cheek before standing up and hugging Skye's mother and father.

"Thank you for being such a good role model for my baby." the mum said, "I took her to your concert as a Christmas gift."

"Thank you," Lily wiped her cheeks, "I wish I'd been able to stop what happened."

"The whole time in the hospital, when they were stitching her up, she kept saying she was going to make it through just so she could see you again." Skye's mum said, "we never thought she'd get the chance."

Lily gripped hands desperately, "I'd love to treat her for the rest of the day, all of you actually, if you're okay with that."

Skye's mum nodded and Lily turned to motion to Gary who came over cautiously, clearly still unsure if everything was okay since there were so many tears.

"Is everything okay?" he asked, looking down at little Skye, "how are you Cinderella?"

"Gary could this family spend the rest of the afternoon with us?" Lily asked, grabbing Skye's hand optimistically, "I know them from back home."

"Of course." Gary looked overjoyed at the thought, "the more the merrier."

Lily let out a sigh of relief as she bent down to pick Skye back up. Skye looked like a true Princess now, especially with the crown on her head. The parent's thanks Lily multiple times for her kindness but Lily only wished she could do more as they walked around the park. When Lily's arms grew tired, she simply switched to holding Skye's hand as they went on the Haunted Mansion and the Carousel. While Lily focused on little Skye, James was talking with Skye's parents most of the afternoon.

Finally, the sun started going down and Lily's tour with the family came to an end as Skye was falling asleep in her father's arms. Lily got the mum's email, determined to do something nice for the family once she made it home. Lily and Skye wished each other well and James shook the parents' hands. Skye hugged James, Gary, Edgar and whoever else was close enough for hugs. As Skye walked away with her parents, exclaiming how that day had been the best ever Lily felt a warmth in heart that had been gone for a long time.

Lily reached out to squeeze James' wrist when he came to stand beside her, "thank you."

James just nodded politely before shoving his hands in his pockets and looking around seriously. It seemed James' moody disposition had returned, either that or he was just hungry. Lily had come to realize that sometimes James' mood depended on if he'd eaten or not.

Gary set up dinner for Lily at Club 33, the most spectacular VIP bar and restaurant. No one would stay with Lily for dinner, other engagements stealing them away. Instead, Lily was left with James as a companion for the rest of the night which was something that she didn't mind at all. They were both hungry by the time the waitress sat them at a private table. The waiter brought them both drinks paid for by Gary. The table itself was small and pushed up against a frosted windowpane that allowed Lily to only see moving lights outside.

"How are you doing?" James asked her once the waitress left them alone with menus.

Lily looked up at him over her menu to find that he was looking at her tenderly. Hope bubbled in her stomach. They'd rarely been able to be so close to each other as friends. Right now, Lily felt more like she was out with a friend instead of her bodyguard.

"I'm okay." she said, "Skye-that was-I don't know."

James kicked her ankle slightly under the table, "I know how you feel." he said, "it's confusing because you're sad that Skye didn't make it out of Manchester unharmed, but you're thankful she's not in pain."

Lily put her menu down and folded her hands on the table, eyes James peculiarly, "how do you always know how to make me feel better?"

He smiled, the action making him look even more handsome in the dim restaurant lights, "Remember that therapist I told you about? The one I want you to talk too?"

"Yes," Lily said tentatively.

"Well," James looked worried all of a sudden, "I kind of lied when is said she was my friend therapist."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, she was mine."

Lily was thankful the waitress had decided to deliver bread at that very moment because she really didn't know how to respond to James' confession. On one hand, it made sense that he'd need a therapist after whatever had happened to his leg. On the other hand, James seemed to well put together and calm, unlike Lily, so she couldn't imagine him leaning on anyone.

The waitress asked them for their orders. Lily ordered a salad and James got butternut squash soup, both of them focused on each other, rather than the food. Once the waitress had left them alone again Lily leaned forward in her seat. James leaned forward too, his face only a little way from Lily. They were safe in the restaurant, protected from cameras and phones by plants and screens. James was always bolder with her when he was certain they weren't being watched. He'd long since learned (especially after the last awards show) that any attachment to Lily came with the guarantee to be painted as her lover.

He hadn't been too bothered by the story itself when it'd come out. In fact, he'd seemed more annoyed that he wasn't able to go running like he normally did. Peter released a statement that James was her bodyguard so the press left him alone, but Lily couldn't blame him for still being cautious. He'd never had to grow up in a spotlight but that didn't mean he had to enjoy cameras being shoved into his face.

Lily demanded, "you said that therapist worked with people like me."

"Yeah?" James agreed, inclining his head adorably.

"You're _nothing_ like me."

"You're right." he sounded sad all of a sudden, "I'm not like you."

"James—"

James didn't let her concede, instead continuing on like he didn't hear her, "Minerva specializes in Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder." he cracked open a piece of bread, "which is what you have."

He made it sound so easy. PTSD. Lily had always thought that the term was only synonymous with people who had been through traumatic experiences. People like Skye, who got hurt at a concert and scarred from it. Lily didn't even chip a nail in Manchester.

"I don't have PTSD." She muttered, "I just—"

"Have nightmares," James listed off with his fingers, "panic attacks, lethargy…want me to keep going?"

"And you?" she asked, "what do _you_ have?"

James' eyes lifted from the bread to Lily before he sighed, "There's a lot wrong with me."

A line appeared on her forehead, "you're perfect to me."

He laughed a rapid, dark laugh. It was like he didn't believe her praise.

"How so?" he quizzed her.

"You beat me in Astro-Blasters." She waggled her eyebrows at him.

James laughed a real laugh at that, "and that's your measurement of perfection?"

"You're smart," Lily started listing off her favorite things about him, "you're a good cook, fit as Hell—"

"All top qualities." James snorted, taking a sip of his drink, "you'd be fitter too if you'd start running."

"Maybe tomorrow."

"That's your code for, _Never_."

Lily frowned considerably but before she could argue with James, her phone started buzzing in her pocket. Lily pulled it out and answered without even glancing at the screen, her eyes too caught up in James' left hand, which was buried in his black curls as he stared chewed indignantly on his bread.

"Hello." she said punitively.

"Lily?"

Steven's voice was like a wave of cold water, washing over the remaining warmth of her day. James noticed her expression fall and he tilted his head at her hastily. Lily crossed one of her arms over her chest, rubbing her arm.

"Steven."

When she said his name, James bristled and one of his hands came to rest on the table, showing off strained knuckles. Lily sunk in her chair as the waitress brought over their food. Lily didn't bother thanking her, James thanked the waitress for both of them. Steven, on the other end of the phone, was breathing softly.

"Hey babe," he said, "why didn't you text me back? I'm in town and I wanted to see you tonight."

"What?"

"Well, I ran into Peter at a club in the City and he said you had the Emmy's this weekend so I thought you might want company?"

"What?" Lily asked again dumbly, trying not to let her voice raise.

Steven had to be mad if he thought she was going to fall for his apologies again.

She was over him.

"Yeah," Steven didn't detect the hint of disgust in her voice, "I know I've been gone a while baby, but I'm gonna be around. Okay? We can pick up where we left off."

Lily kept her voice level, "It's September."

"I know." he said cheerily, "I was thinking after the Emmys we could go to my sister's place in Vermont—"

"Steven, no." she said, and he protested on the other end, but she ignored him, "what you want us to have, it's just exhausting you know? We're over."

She hung up the phone and slammed it to the table. When she looked up, James was staring at her with an elated look. Her phone started ringing again. She irately turned the phone off with one swipe.

James cheered her with his spoon, "you tell him, Red."

She smiled the rest of the night, feeling content under James' approval. They finished eating and then Disney security walked them to the car waiting backstage for Lily to head home to Malibu. The two-hour car-ride was mostly Lily falling asleep against her head rest. Lily was heavily aware of James' silent demeanor on the car ride back and she didn't mind if only because every time her eyes fluttered open, he was looking at her with something akin to respect.

The Emmys were held in Los Angeles which meant Lily didn't have to travel, thank god. Lily's soundcheck was on Friday and the show was on Saturday. Lily started panicking on Wednesday, after she realized she'd have to get on stage again. Despite meeting Skye at Disney and gaining a small sense of self-worth again, Lily still felt scared at the thought of getting on another stage. She hadn't liked being on stage at all, almost like the more time away from the stage the safer she felt.

When Lily fell asleep on the sofa Wednesday night, her dreams started replaying her memories of the Manchester stage. She woke up thrashing, with James leaning over her worriedly, hands gripping her shoulders. She smacked his face and then, when she realized it was him, she apologized immediately.

"James! I'm so sorry!"

He half laughed and shook his head, "remember when I told you that you had PTSD?"

"I didn't mean to slap you," she babbled miserably, "James, I'm so sorry. I'm fine. I promise."

"_Shhhh_."

She was startled even more when James sat down on the edge of her sofa, brushing her hair out of her face. She stared up at him through her sleepy eyelids, startled by his sudden intimacy but also craving his soft touch. His eyes were darker at night, but every time they hit the light he was golden.

"It okay," he said, voice smooth as coffee going down her throat, "you don't have to lie to me."

She knew that, she was just so used to turning on her charm and being the person, the world wanted her to be. She had to hold the weight of the world because she was privileged enough to live with the world in the palm of her hands. But she was only human and she couldn't only keep pretending for so long.

"It seems so real," she told James, "It always seems so real, James. I was dreaming I was back at Manchester and that creep Snape was trying to get to me—"

"I know." he breathed in when his face fell closer to hers, "I really wish you'd talk to Minerva about your nightmares."

He brushed her hair back, even after it was out of her eyes. He smelled like soap from the shower and felt refreshing like the ocean breeze. He was holding her like she was precious and made of glass. The hazy colors of the room swirled around them as she relaxed under his soothing touch. His fingers traced the corners of her face delicately, both of them listening to the beating of their own hearts.

"I used to think you were this big bad, _men-in-black_ type." Lily sat up, her forehead almost coming to crash against his, "But now I think that's just a front."

"You're wrong, I am a part of a secret organization that takes down aliens."

"That explains your score at Astro-Blasters."

He grinned, "you caught me."

"I want a rematch."

"Name the time and place."

He sounded tickled at the thought. His hand stopped tracing her and she hated it when she felt him shift to try and stand up. Lily grabbed his wrist, keeping him at her side. James looked at her like she was tempting him beyond belief.

"Stay with me," she asked touchingly, "_Please_."

She felt him twist his wrist from her hold, "I uh, need to go check on Frank."

She fell back against the sofa in despair as he walked away from her. She didn't sleep that night, instead settling on the sofa and watching reruns of _The Office_ instead, trying to get her mind off James. He came back a little while later, setting into the chair across from her. He threw his head back, laughing like a little kid. Lily drew her knees up to her chin, remembering their time together at Disneyland when he'd laughed like that for her. At her. 

"James?"

"What?" he stopped watching the television to glance her way, his hair falling in his eyes.

"Thank you for everything."

"Just doing my job." he shrugged, pushing his glasses up his long nose.

"What you do for me isn't in your job description." she said knowingly.

"You're probably right." His bemused smile overtook his face, "you deserve to be happy, Red."

Lily had been spending the last eight months thinking that all love ever did was break, burn and end.

When James reached out to tug her hand affectionately, she watched it begin again. 


	7. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

Lily's nightmares were spinning out of control, turning into daydreams that turned her to stone. 

She was reliving every second of Manchester and every minute of New Years Eve when she'd lost her mum to a drunk driver. She was imaging jumping off cliffs and praying that she'd break her arm so she couldn't have to perform at the Emmys on Friday night.

Thursday night found Lily in her own bed, thrashing awake to the sound of thunder outside her open window. She shivered as lightening went off in the distance over the ocean. Her skin was soaked in her own sweat. She lashed out angrily, burying her face in her pillow. She was kicking her feet against the mattress as she screamed into the fluff of her pillow.

Her door opened, casting golden light over her dark bedroom.

"Red?"

It was James, go figure.

"_Mmmfnne_." Was her muffled reply.

Then the thunder clapped, and she whimpered like a kid, hugging her pillow to her chest. Lily thought James was going to leave her in the darkness alone until she felt his weight settle next to hers on top of her covers. His head fell into the adjacent pillow as her hand found his shoulder for comfort in the darkness. Thunder cracked loudly outside and they both jumped.

"I don't like thunderstorms either," he was staring up at her ceiling, "I can never sleep during them."

She whispered to James, "it reminds me of the Manchester bomb."

He admitted, black hair wild against the white pillowcase, "it reminds me of a lot of things."

"Like what happened to your leg?" she whispered through the darkness.

James moved slightly away from her, "I don't want to add to your own nightmares."

"I'm trying to get to know you, James," her hand squeezed his shoulder, "I just want to know you better."

He was quiet and then he said, "I think you should try to sleep."

Lily rolled over to face him and her hand traced down his bare chest. James sat up and away from her, hand automatically pressing into his scalp like she'd given him a headache. Every time she touched him intimately, he acted as if she'd electrocuted him.

"I'm sorry." she sighed, "I should've asked first."

James' shoulders were tense, "You've got nothing to be sorry for."

His voice was husky, almost demanding her to keep hands to herself. Thunder broke through the silence again and lightning lit up the windows. Lily sat up, blinking as she looked around the room worriedly. James shook his head at her.

"It just a storm." he seemed to remind himself just as much as her, "it can't hurt us."

_Us_.

Lily loved when he paired them together.

"You'll stay with me, right?" she pleaded, "until the storm passes?"

They stared at each other. Silence spread between them uneasily.

"I shouldn't." his eyes darted for her open door.

"I'm asking you too." she said, "we can keep each other company."

James only agreed because she reached for a deck of cards. They played Go-Fish on top of her bedsheets until the storm was long gone. She eventually fell back against her pillow, playing with her braid absentmindedly as James put the cards on her messy floor. She was happy when James laid down beside her again, even if he was stiff. Lily didn't think either of them slept but James didn't move until light was coming from her curtains. The storm had long since rolled out of the city, moving on to soak some other town in rain and thunder.

Lily opened her eyes at dawn to see James sitting at the edge of her bad, one hand fisted in his hair. He wasn't wearing a shirt still. There were a bunch of little scars she'd never been close enough to notice before, all of them lining his back almost like a pattern of freckles. Some of them looked like the same type of scaring Skye had on her face. The muscles in his back tensed when Lily sat up and yawned.

"James."

He jumped off her bed, hand still in his hair as he looked at her crawling out of the covers, dressed in nothing but her satin nightgown. His eyes were wide, likely realizing that he'd just spent the night in her bed. Lily tried to ignore his stare as she climbed out of bed.

"Are you going for a run?" she asked him, when he continued to not move from her bedside.

"I-I guess." he said dumbly, "Why?"

Lily pulled open her dresser and started digging for a pair of leggings, "Because I'm going with you."

That seemed to wake him up from his daze, "have you ever run before in your entire life?"

"No," she said as she went into her private loo, "but it can't be that hard."

He actually had the nerve to laugh.

One thing was for certain, he was fit for a bloke with one leg. Hell, he was fit period. She was staring at his lean body as they made their way out onto the beach together. He was wearing his black running shorts and nothing else, which meant she was seeing a _lot_ of him. He only turned back to look at her when they made it to the packed down sand near the waves.

"Ready?"

"Yeah." she tried to sound confident but even the walk down the stairs and sand dunes from the house had made her heart race.

James started running beside her on the sand, his gears creaking as he dug both feet into the sand. Lily managed to keep up with James for a minute but then she fell back. Lily didn't even make it two minutes before she had her hands on her knees, panting as she tried to catch her breath.

James ran backwards, checking her out as she struggled to keep running in a straight line, "Alright there Evans?"

His tone was full of amusement, clearly finding her stubbornness to run a quality fit for laughs. She shot him the finger as she gasped for breath, seeing stars, and she wasn't even halfway to him. James turned around and jogged back to her, hitting her back as if to be comforting while she had a near asthma attack.

"I can't run," Lily gasped, "_Fuck_, I'm so out of shape."

"That's because you're literally skin and bone." James mouthed off as he took her hand and helped her stand upright, "You need to eat more, Red."

Lily glared at him through her lashes, "I eat."

"Yeah," James rolled his eyes, "You have two meals a day and typically, they're both ramen noodles out of your cupboard."

Lily brushed her fringe back from her sweaty forehead as James checked out her form, "I don't cook."

"No," James corrected as he grabbed her arm, "I know that, but if you want to get stronger, you'll need to learn how."

"And who's going to teach me how to cook?" Lily scoffed as he tugged her back into a slower sort of jog that was more like walking fast, "Martha Stewart?"

"Do you know her?" James quipped back, grinning at her when she laughed scathingly.

"I don't."

"That's a bummer." He was still laughing at her, so she lashed out.

"Cooking is _hard_."

"It's not hard to cook good food Red, you're just depressed."

Lily pulled herself to a stop, her heels digging into the sand. James winced as he realized what he'd said was a bit of a touchy subject for her. James turned to face her as the California sun rose over their heads. They just stared at each other, the truth dropping between them like a mood depressant.

"I wish I was better at taking care of myself." she admitted, "but I'm so..._tired_."

"You've dealt with more in the last five months than most people deal with in their lifetime and you still get up and do your job...you smile...you're kind...I mean look how good you were to Skye and her family at Disney."

"I was just trying to make up for what happened at my concert."

"You know that's not your fault." James reached out tentatively to grab her shoulder, "It's okay if you aren't alright every second of every day, but you have got to stop being so hard on yourself."

Lily blinked back tears as she stared into his kind face, "Is it okay?" she whispered, "When every move I make is scrutinized? When I'm supposed to be this great lyricist and I haven't written a decent set of lyrics in months?" she was panting again, only this time from all her pent-up anger, "Everyone judges me every second of my life! If I'm sad, suddenly the papers call me ungrateful! If I'm remotely happy for two seconds? I'm selfish! I can't fucking win! I had a fucking bomb go off at my concert and they just expect me to pick right back up where I left off!"

James had stepped away, her rage surprising him. Lily forgot who she was screaming at and instead, started kicking at the sand. She kicked at the shells and the water as it rose up to greet her sneakers. She felt like screaming for real, so loud that the whales off in the distance would hear her sad song.

"Lily," his voice was like the calm in the storm, "If this life makes you so unhappy, why do you force yourself to stay here at the mercy of other people's expectations?"

Lily stared at him, struck but his clear confusion. He had only known her for a few months, to him, he was likely wondering why she made herself so miserable. He didn't know the little girl who'd stayed up late writing songs or the teenager who'd loved every second in the spotlight. He only knew the broken her, the one that was barely alive.

"Because, this was my dream."

Lily opened up her arms and spun around motioning to the beach, the sky, and the entire city. She breathed in the fresh California air like she was sucking in a cigarette. A sob paired with a sick laugh escaped her throat as she faced James again, who was staring at her like she was the saddest thing he'd ever seen.

"I dreamed of the bright lights and big city for years." her voice cracked, "I wanted it all. I came to Hollywood chasing fortune and fame but when I finally got it…"

She remembered her first red carpet premiere with _Sing It!_ and how the camera flashes had made it look like a dream. Her name had gone up in lights of the marquee, like diamonds in the sky. And she'd tried so hard to please Hollywood, but it was wearing down her very heart. She'd played the game for so long and now she was paying for all the midnight premieres and glittering gowns.

James still looked perplexed, "You got what you wanted but you hate it?"

Lily sniffled, "I didn't at first, I really loved being in the spotlight. I loved getting anything I wanted with a flash of my card. I loved the big mansions and themed parties. It was like a dream and now…I've woken up."

"Lil—"

"And they tell me I'm so lucky," she cut off James pathetically through her tears, "But I'm _so confused_, because I don't feel lucky."

"How do you feel?"

"Used."

She let out another sob and then dropped her arse into the sand, covering her face with her hands. Seagulls screamed overhead and James was quiet. Then he fell into the sand next to her, but Lily didn't look at him. She too embarrassed about being so emotional.

"You didn't hear those Disney execs when you were with Skye at Disney," His hand fell onto her back as he soothed her, "I did. They said they couldn't believe they'd gotten so lucky to get a girl who embodied every bit of _Piper_ as you do, Red."

She peered through her fingers, "what?"

He nodded, "they all think what I think."

"What do you think?"

"That you're brave, smart, and so _very_ kind." He whispered, "you always see the best in people. Even the people who don't deserve it."

Lily sniffed and leaned into his hold; her shoes being soaked by the waves. James didn't move them, instead, he just let her slow down in his arms. The seagulls were chattering overhead and there was nowhere else on earth she'd rather cry. She might've lost herself but in losing herself, she'd found James. He looked at him like he was her own personal sun. She was drawn to him in every sense, but it was clear he didn't really like her in the way she liked him.

He was just her friend.

"I lost it in the war." James spoke up out of the blue.

"What?"

James motioned down to his prosthetic leg covered in sand, "The leg, I lost it to a roadside bomb."

Lily twisted, her hand grabbing his in the sand, "James!" she gulped, "you lost it to a _bomb_?"

James looked at her through his black lashes, "Makes our meeting kind of ironic, right?"

He turned in the sand so that he was facing her. James had one hand on her shoulder, his other hand digging into the sand with hers overtop of it. If she leaned close enough, she could count the flecks of gold in his eyes.

"Big black cars, ocean views," he motioned around them dejectedly, "I thought you had it all and I was jealous...until…"

"Until?" she breathed as he got closer.

"Until I realized you're just like me," his eyes scraped across her tear stained face, "Another veteran survivor of a bomb that you lost a part of yourself to."

Lily's eyes lifted to his and all at once, she was struck by how happy she was that she'd met James Potter. She never saw James coming and now, she knew she'd never be the same. Lily's hand covered his in the sand and she leaned in, caught up in their confessions. James, seeing her come closer, leaned back hastily.

"Come on," he jumped up, "We should head back, you have that Emmys rehearsal."

James ran up the beach and Lily pouted as he left her alone in the sand. She jogged (walked) after James, lost in her mind. He was her equal in any sense, just as broken as she was. She couldn't stop herself from falling, this time metaphorically, for him.

She kept James nearby all the way through Emmy rehearsals that afternoon. She even went so far as to demand that he had to stand on stage with her. James didn't question her as he stood onstage while she sang her new song. Instead he stood in the wings, watching her as she took center stage. Sirius was at James' side, having returned from Italy and determined to support her as any best friend would. Lily could hear them talking to one another before the sound guys started the track to her song.

Fear crept into her very soul, cold, sharp claws dragging at her chest. Once again, she was shot back to a stage nothing like this one, surrounded by fans, Manchester roof overhead. She was transported back to the stage that had caught on fire, heating beneath the soles of her feet even though she wasn't barefoot now. Lily looked into the wings and saw Sirius giving her a thumbs up. James was smiling kindly beside Sirius, staring at her with a look that promised her she could do anything.

The hardest part of all was that she was shaking so hard that she felt like she was going to fall as she tried to move around on the stage.

It was a loud clapping at the base of the stage that pulled her out of her own head because the person clapping was someone she had never expected to see again. It seemed senseless, but when he walked up to her, she felt like she was reliving every estranged moment with him. Lily handed her mic to a stagehand before walking down the staircase and to the landing where Steven Roosevelt was waiting for Lily with sunflowers in hand. Another camera crew was filming from above, practicing camera angles for the actual show.

"What are you doing here?"

Steven's lips covered hers, "Hey, baby." he muttered into her mouth.

Lily pulled away to stare at Steven in shock. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sirius coming down the staircase with Hell in his eyes. He looked pissed and Lily knew now, that he wasn't going to let her make the same mistake twice. Steven grabbed Lily's hand and she pulled herself from Steven's grasp, closing her eyes against the tears that threatened to spill.

"Is this asshole bothering you, Lily?" Sirius came to stand at her side, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Steven shot Sirius a sneer, "Sorry, I don't remember inviting you to this conversation."

"Funny," Lily heard her own voice even though she was barely holding onto her own sanity by a thread, "you should bring up invitations."

Her eyes opened and Steven looked at Lily. His blond curls bounced as he nodded at her and grabbed her wrist again.

"Let's go for lunch, babe, get away."

"Do you have any idea what you've done to me?" she asked indifferently, "I waited for _weeks_ and you didn't call."

"I didn't think I _needed_ to call," Steven said gravely, "Until my sister showed me the news."

Lily stared at Steven incredulously, "What news?"

Suddenly, James had appeared, cracking his knuckles as he stared down Steven with great dislike. Steven looked at James with just as much distaste. It was James who reached out and chopped Steven's grip from Lily's paralyzed form.

"Lily, is he bothering you?" James asked, as protective over Lily as Sirius was.

Steven stood up straighter, almost at the same height as James, "keep your hands off my girl, Potter."

"I'm not your girl." Lily said to Steven steadfastly, "and James can very well touch me however he wants."

James' face turned a shade darker and Lily felt her own cheeks flush at the idea of what she'd just suggested.

"Right." Steven snorted, looking between Lily and James, putting his hands on his hips, "Let's discuss this out of the way of the cameras, shall we?"

Her breathing was quickening, not able to let go of the fear that he'd make her choose wrong again.

She didn't want Steven, not anymore.

She wanted James.

Lily thought part of her knew the second she saw him that it would happen, the realization that Steven wasn't offering what she needed anymore. She'd loved him dangerously, knowing they'd crash at the speed they were going. Still, she'd tried to love him only to end up in the wreck of their relationship. Steven glared at James before grabbing her arm again, this time Lily ripped herself from his grasp.

"It's _over_, Steven."

"Bye Steve-O." Sirius waved sassily at Steven, "Won't miss you."

"Fuck off, Black." Steven spat at Lily's best mate, "this is all your fault."

"I'm sorry," Sirius said sardonically, "Did you just hear _me_ just tell you that it's over? No. The truth came straight from her red lips, Roosevelt."

Steven flipped Sirius the bird and looked at Lily desperately, taking her hand, "Come on baby, we always have fun, don't we?"

"You said you'd be there," Lily's voice was shaking but she stayed firm, "My mums funeral. At Melina's baby shower. My birthdays. The Manchester concert. You always say you'll be there for me, _but you never show_."

Steven winced, "I know baby but-"

"We are never getting back together." She said, "Ever."

It wasn't Steven's dejected look, or Sirius' excited whistle that made it true. It was James' proud nod in her direction that slowly healed the cracks in her. It was the feeling that came along with making her own choice and letting that choice settle into her heart.

One repair down, a hundred to go.

And the crazy thing was, Lily don't know if she'd ever feel that way again, for anyone, but she doesn't know if she should. Lily knew Steven's world moved too fast and burned too bright for her…the worst part of it all wasn't losing him the minute she told him it was over; it was the fact that over the course of their relationship he'd lost sight of her.

Steven only saw Lily for what she'd been back when they first met, a girl as desperate for love as she was for fame. Now, Lily was a different kind of desperate and she didn't give two shits about her fame. The only things Lily currently cared about were her cat, her friends, and her family. The people who loved her and showed up for her, even in the rainstorms.

"Nothing's changed." Steven's voice rose a little bit, echoing around the stage, "I flew all the way from New York to see you perform at the Emmys tomorrow night and you're playing hard to get."

"That's just the thing." Lily said, "I didn't invite you."

"Lily—"

"Move on," she said even more firmly when Steven tried shaking his head, "We're not seventeen anymore, Steven."

"You don't mean that," Steven hissed, looking around as he realized the entire thing was being watched by cameras.

"Pretty sure she means it," James said, crossing his arms, "so back off."

"Fuck off." Steven barked at James.

Steven's disregard for James broke Lily's cool disposition. She surprised herself when her hand smacked across Steven's face with a loud crack that turned everyone's heads. Steven's jaw dropped and he held his cheek where Lily's hand at connected with his skin. Her palm was stinging but she didn't care, she was furious.

"Don't you ever speak to my friend that way again." Lily said venomously, "we're done."

Steven's hand lowered from his cheek and he growled at Lily, "we can talk about this another time, when you're less hormonal would be better."

"When will be better?" Lily asked, her voice rising, "behind my bedroom door when you lie and tell me you love me? Or the next time you try and call to tell me you'll change just for me?"

Steven pulled back from her, affronted. Lily didn't care that this would all end up all over the news. She couldn't care less. She just wanted to breathe, and Steven was the opposite of breathing, he was suffocating.

Lily stood up taller, "I hope you find the person you're looking for one day, because she's not me."

The racing of her heart, dizziness in her head, it all felt like a high as she turned away from Steven and walked back onto the stage to go to her dressing room. The cameras and paparazzi, shocked, swarmed the stage, separating everyone from Lily. Rita Skeeter, the devilish gossip blogger, shoved past James to shove her tape recorder in Lily's face.

"A comment for _The_ _Prophet_, Lily?"

"No comment." James shoved Rita back out of the way and put an arm around Lily's shoulders, "Let's go."

She didn't need telling twice.

Sirius got them all sushi from Lily's favorite restaurant. Alice and Frank joined them in the sitting room after a lot of enticing from Lily. James sat next to her on the sofa and they shared a box filled with California rolls. For once, in a long time, Lily was relaxed as she told Sirius and Frank about Disney. Sirius and James debated Star Wars like a couple of nerds while Lily sat back and watched the movie on the television. Whenever her hand brushed James' she felt like her path from that moment on was crystal clear.

She wanted to be wherever James was.

It was different, James sent her heart into a more of a steady beat instead of an all-out heart attack. Steven was fast, unpredictable, and caught up in his need to keep Lily at arm's length for his family's sake. James was fast too but not in the way Steven was. He was just quicker to understand her thoughts and emotions. In other words, he saw right through her facades.

Of course, the night didn't end as well as Lily expected when the doorbell rang at midnight.

Alice, Frank, and James all checked their phones to see who was standing at the door.

"It's Peter," James said out loud, surprise evident in his tone.

"Peter?" Lily stood up off her sofa, straightening her shirt, "this late?"

Alice was the one to let Peter in, taking him to where Lily was waiting by the kitchen counter. Peter looked as if he'd just been on a plane from Tokyo and back. He had lines on his face and his eyes were downcast.

"Lily," he grieved, "why'd you slap Steven?"

Lily was taken aback and began blinking furiously, "What?"

"Steven." Peter exclaimed, "The politician's son. The one you've been seeing since you were a kid. Why'd you slap him in front of about eight cameras?"

"Why?" Sirius spoke up from beside Lily, "it's been a long time coming."

"I agree with Sirius." James said and Alice hit James in the chest with a warning glare.

"The boys are right," Lily said to Peter, "He yelled at James."

"So, you slapped him?"

"I wasn't just going to let him badmouth my friend."

Peter sighed, pressing his fingers to his temple, "Well, the Roosevelt's are suing you."

James coughed on his water, "Pardon?"

"On what terms?" Sirius asked outrageously.

"Defamation." Peter wiped his brow, "And Steven's sister started a hashtag that's trending on twitter with a picture of Lily slapping Steven."

Lily's blood ran cold, "I don't use my Twitter or Instagram right now."

Peter pulled out his phone and showed everyone. On Isabel Roosevelt's instagram story, there was a screenshot of a pair of texts sent between Lily and Steven. It was from years ago, when they'd first met, and Lily remembered it clearly. Steven hadn't wanted their relationship to be public for quite some time, and Lily had agreed to stay away from the cameras.

**So much for keeping her word, dumping my baby brother and assaulting him in front of the media. He went to her for an apology after ** ** _she_ ** ** cheated on ** ** _him_ ** **. **

"I didn't cheat!" Lily yelled, outranged at the charge, "where would she get that stupid idea?"

"From pictures of you, cozy with your bodyguard at Disneyland." Peter snapped.

The entire room fell silent.

"Well that's just—" Lily lifted her chin, "James and I are just _friends_."

"I thought you released a statement saying that James was her bodyguard?" Frank asked Peter.

Peter nodded, "yeah, but have you seen the pictures from Disneyland?"

Lily sucked in a deep breath, "we didn't even _do_ anything."

She ripped the phone from Peter's hands and scrolled through the story. There weren't just pictures of Lily and James at Disney. Paps had pictures of them walking in downtown Burbank together. They'd also included the picture of Lily fixing James' tie for good measure. Okay, so it did look a little bit like something more was going on between James and Lily…but nothing happened…even with how much she wanted something to happen.

**Let's throw a #LilyEvansIsCanceledParty since she so desperately wants the media attention. **

Lily shouldn't have looked at the comments when Peter swiped up to a news report on Facebook. She shouldn't have glanced down. There were hundreds of Isabel Roosevelt's hashtags and hundreds of comments. The most liked comment, from Mike Tye, was the most disturbing of all.

_'Maybe another bomb will go off, so we won't have to see her perform at the Emmys.' _

Lily chucked the phone on the counter and fell back against her cabinets, clutching her chest. How could she be so happy one second and so decimated the next? She was trying to get a proper breath of air but all she managed were little gasps. James saw her panicking and pushed Sirius out of the way to cup her face. Lily stared into his eyes like a lifeline.

"Alright Evans?" he murmured, thumbs brushing her cheeks, "Breathe."

Peter cursed as they watched James comfort them, "Potter this is what got you in trouble before."

Frank yanked James back a foot, "_space_, Potter."

Lily just sobbed harder, feeling like her heart had shattered for the second time. Her fingers clenched into her black t-shirt, like it was keeping her afloat as she drowned in her own tears. James stared at her, so close but so far away. His eyes were heavy with burden.

"She has to perform tomorrow, looking like this," Peter sounded exasperated, "What will Disney do?"

"She can't go on stage tomorrow." James said, coming to Lily's defense quickly, "She's already shaken up about what happened in Manchester!"

"That was months ago," Peter disagreed, "She's just upset about Steven."

"Are you mad?" James stood up to tower over Peter, "you want her to go perform when she can't even sleep at night?"

"You've already overstepped enough, Potter." Frank said gruffly, "part of this is your fault."

"My fault!" James yelped, "I'm the only one helping her!"

"Helping her?" Peter asked, "Everyone thinks she cheated on Roosevelt with you!"

"Well," James looked tongue tied now, "That's just—that's a stretch."

"I have been Lily's manager since she was a kid," Peter stood up straighter, not backing down, "I was there when her mum died. She grieved for weeks but do you know what happened? She got on stage, wrote her music and she went back to normal!"

Alice had pulled out a phone and was scrolling next to Lily as she tried to slow her breathing, "Other celebrities are subtweeting Steven Roosevelt's post about Lily on Twitter. Oh _god_, no."

Lily swallowed, not sure she could take any other news, "What?"

Alice's eyes lifted from her phone, "Uhm, nothing."

Peter grabbed Lily's hand when she went to reach for her own phone in her pocket, "Don't go on Twitter, Lily. Just stay off the internet. I'll deal with the publicity."

"At the rate this is trending, she's going to have reporters looking for her everywhere," Alice said worriedly, "Moody will have to hear about this."

"We should go back to Scotland," James said, "The press isn't as bad there."

"I can't James," Lily cried through her fingers, "I can't!"

"Why the fuck not?" James looked around at the small group gathered in the kitchen, "Someone give me one good reason we shouldn't pack up and head home right now."

"She has a contract with Disney." Peter said, pulling out his tablet, "Not only does she have to perform tomorrow at the Emmys, but she's got a press tour and the movie premiere a week before Christmas."

Lily looked at her fingers then at James as he came rushing back to her, grabbing her hands and staring at her fiercely.

"Lily?" he asked again, looking for a sign that she hadn't gone overboard.

Lily gripped his hands tightly, "We're trapped here, James."

James cursed, standing up and stalking out of the room. Frank followed after James when he received a prod from Alice. Lily heard Frank call James' name in a hurry. Lily thought she heard Sirius curse and then he followed the other two blokes, determination in his eyes. On the other side of the kitchen door, she heard James hissing back and forth with Sirius and Frank.

"Why does everyone get to dictate what's good for her?" James sounded frustrated, "if she goes on that stage tomorrow, she might give up singing forever."

And there it was, the zinger of truth James was so ready to address. Lily's built up her walls, or so she'd thought. James sent them tumbling down with each new touch. James knew she was scared of performing again after Manchester. He knew Lily wasn't ready to get up on stage and sing but James also knew Lily would keep her poker face for the people relying on her.

"I think Pettigrew's right," Frank's voice also echoed from the hall, "she's just upset about Roosevelt. They dated a long—"

"I'm gonna _kill_ Roosevelt," Sirius interceded.

James' voice echoed Sirius' disgust, "He never even cared about her."

Frank's voice was the loudest of all, "Well, he did care. Or he wouldn't have lashed out so desperately."

"He had a funny way of showing his care and concern." James argued with Frank, "showing up and showering her with affection for a few hours, just to ghost her for weeks on end."

Lily realized that James had known about Steven, all this time. She'd assumed he didn't know about her throwing herself at Steven for one desperate night. She covered her face again and let out another sob, wishing she could go back and tell herself what she knew now.

"Steven's always been like that with her," Sirius said, "he wanted Lily on his terms."

There was a sound similar to something hard hitting wood outside the kitchen.

"This isn't your concern James." Frank's tone was disapproving from the hall.

"Everyone manipulates her!" James exclaimed loud enough for Lily to continue listening, "because she's the kindest person and she doesn't want to hurt anyone!"

Sirius cautioned, "You cannot let her get back together with Roosevelt after this."

Lily head jerked up a little in her arms.

James sounded just as shocked as her, "Why _me_? You're her best friend!"

"She listens to you!" Sirius was adamant, "she never listened to me about him."

James proclaimed, "To me? She-"

Sirius cut James off, "She trusts you."

Frank's voice rose back into the mix, "James you're letting your feelings get in the way of your job, you see that don't you?"

"My feelings?" James sounded offended, "_Feelings_?"

Lily's front door slammed twice, and the boys' voices were fading as they took their argument outside. Peter helped Lily up off the floor with Alice. Alice got Lily a glass of water as she put Lily to bed like a child. Alice left her as soon as Lily was laying upside down on her bed, staring at her ceiling. Outside her door, she could hear Peter blubbering on downstairs how she needed to be put on medication for her mood swings.

That made tears reform in her eye and she rolled onto her stomach, screaming into her pillow. She watched the digital clock go minute to minute. Peter left; she heard his Maserati roar down the road as he drove away. Alice didn't come check on her again but at half past two in the morning, there was a soft knock at her door.

"Lily?"

She stumbled out of bed, reaching for the doorknob, yanking open her door to find James standing there, holding Juniper. The cat, who hated being held, twisted out of James' arms and ran though Lily's legs to go hide in the loo. Juniper loved sitting in the massive bath.

"Oh, er," James sheepishly ruffled his hair, "I was bringing her to you, so you didn't have to sleep alone but—"

"Thank you." she gave a weak smile.

"I, uh, I wanted to make sure you weren't still crying."

"Come in."

Lily reached out, grabbing his hand, leading him into her room. He shut the door behind him, the only light coming from a small butterfly lamp in the corner of her room. Lily didn't let go of his hand, even after they stood there for a minute.

She remembered what she'd overheard. Frank was mad at James for caring about Lily too much. Lily was mad that Frank would encourage James to try and stay stone cold around her. She wanted him to stay with her, however long he could.

"Stay?"

"Lily—"

She told him her fears, "What if something happens?"

James sighed and pressed his arm around her neck, pulling Lily into his chest. Their hands broke apart and his right hand came to cup the back of her head. Lily breathed in, the smell of soap on his skin a reality she could cling to desperately.

"Nothing's going to happen." he told her, "I won't ever let anything happen to you, Lily."

She clung to his frame. Every time the bottom dropped out from under her feet, he was there to catch her. Ever time that people said things that brought her to her knees, he held her. Lily's grip tightened on his shirt as she realized he'd been there for it all.

She looked up at him, their faces so close, and she whispered urgently, "Stay with me tonight."

"I shouldn't." he was likely remembering Frank.

"I _need_ you."

That did it. Her truths broke him down and he was following her lead. She threw back the covers and curled up on the mattress. James sighed again as he fell into the bed beside her, his hands behind his head. They were both quiet for a while, watching her ceiling fan spin in circles like their minds.

"I'm sorry," she finally murmured, "I didn't ever want you to get caught up in this."

"It's fine," he whispered back.

"Eventually you'll be like Sirius," Lily half laughed, "you'll hate being paired with me every other month."

"Like I said before, there are worse things to be in the news for besides being attached to you." He removed his hands from behind his head and turned on his side, so he was facing her, his arm keeping him propped up, "Just know that if that git ever shows his face around you again, I won't hesitate to pepper spray him."

"Can _I_ pepper spray him?"

James grinned, teeth white even in the obscure darkness of the bedroom, "of course."

Lily smiled too, a kind of happiness settling over her. Lily reached between them and wrapped her hands in his own. Her fingers curled against his hold, the feel of his body against hers inviting. James was staring down at their intertwined hands.

"Lily?"

"Hm?"

"Peter and Frank think you're upset about Steven. They think you still love him." James sounded like the very thought was torturous.

"I thought I loved him." she conceded, "but I don't think I've truly loved him since I was seventeen."

The darkness was a blanket over them, keeping them apart from the rest of the world and enveloped in each other. Lily was slowly realizing James wasn't flinching away from her hands or her body. She scooted even closer, barely a breath of air between them when she was satisfied.

"I've grown up," she whispered, "I want something good and right…something _real_."

James' voice cut through the night, "You deserve better than him, Lily."

"_You're_ better than him."

She was desperately trying to get James to feel magic she'd been feeling since she met him. Her hand untangled from his and she traced his chest suggestively. He stayed very still, processing what she meant. Finally, he sighed, resulting in his warm breath to drape over her face.

"That can't happen Lily."

She was indignant, "Why not?"

"You don't want someone like me." he sounded broken as he pulled out of her arms.

"Where are you going?" she asked as he got out of her bed, "James I mean it, I need you to stay here. I can't sl—slee—sleep right without you."

"You can." He urged, "or at least go get your cat."

She was blunt, "I don't want to sleep with Juniper."

Juniper meowed from the loo, as if agreeing with Lily. James opened the door, letting the gold hallway lights shimmer in her room. The door shaped glow fell across Lily's face. James was a silhouette of darkness swirling amongst the light. His voice came from his dark shadow, enveloping Lily in a sudden disheartened state.

"I should have never stayed with you during the thunderstorm." He said, downcast, "if I got caught…"

"It was _harmless_."

"It can never happen again."

Lily called after James stubbornly as he closed her door, "Never say never."


	8. Breathe, Jump then fall

Lily was laying so that she was half-falling off her bed, upside down, and staring at the wall in her room.

She hadn't slept all night, but neither had James. She heard him listening to music quite loudly from his room across the hall. Even with her door shut, she heard every lyric of Dooms Day by Bastille playing from his stereo. She hummed along with the songs she knew and dolefully looked up the ones she didn't just so she could know who he was listening too. She almost burst into tears when she heard him play one of her songs, a ballad she'd written about falling in love.

Around quarter past six in the morning, she heard Alice and James talking about the Emmy's that night. They were both being oddly cold with each other and Lily wondered what had happened when he left the house to argue with Frank. According to her eavesdropping, Lily determined that Alice was being assigned to the night as well.

James didn't argue with Alice.

Lily sighed out loud and rolled her eyes to look at the floor. Underneath Lily's head were crumbled up sheets of paper from Lily's attempt to write songs all night. Lily had so many feelings circulating around in her head that it was hard to pinpoint her moods and write them down. She'd tried, and failed, instead settling on staring at the wall until the sun was shining through the cracks in her blackout curtains.

James couldn't go for a run in the morning, he was followed by reporters who wanted his information. She watched as he walked back up the stairs of her deck, looking frustrated beyond belief, his hand buried in his thick black hair. Instead of facing James after his rejection last night, Lily took her bowl of cereal and snuck into the front room where she sat at her piano eating cheerios. She ate on the stool wryly, crunching down on each piece of cereal like it was the cause of her pain and suffering.

Peter was texting Lily live updates of his attempts to prove that Lily hadn't cheated on Roosevelt with her bodyguard but even Lily it was too late. The bait had been set and the sharks had dived in for any scrap of information they could. Press was camping out on the beach, forcing the local police to move them all off the beach in an orderly fashion. Lily was forced to stay in rooms that had covered windows.

Avoiding James and avoiding long lens cameras meant that Lily floated from room to room. She dusted in Juniper's favorite room, went through her closet and found the old Christmas decorations while she waited for her beauty team to arrive. If anyone noticed Lily's unusual aloofness, no one spoke to her about it. James, who normally followed her quite close, was giving her unprecedented space. Lily didn't see or talk to anyone until Mary MacDonald was escorted into the house to fit Lily into her Emmys gown.

"How are you Lily?" Mary asked when she fluttered into the room, kissing Lily's cheek cordially, "I tried calling last night but you didn't answer."

"Alice has my cell phone." Lily said, "I'm sorry, I just don't want to talk to anyone right now."

Mary clucked her tongue, looking like she wanted to say something else when James appeared. Marlene McKinnon at his side carrying a makeup bag and a vexed expression. Mary and Marlene were longtime friends and hugged each other. Lily stayed seated on her chair against the dark wallpaper of the loo, her eyes trapped on James in the corner of her room. He was staring at his feet, looking at anything but her. When Marlene stopped hugging Mary, her eyes fell on Lily in her chair.

"Oh Lily," Marlene waltzed over and fell onto her knees, placing her hands on Lily's knees, "you look awful."

James only looked up when he heard Marlene's sad tone. His hazel eyes met Lily's across the room, and she felt a familiar lurch in her heart. As if knowing he was making her head spin with one look, James dropped his eyes back to his feet. Lily wiped at her cheek, embarrassed, as she looked away from James. Marlene was surveying Lily's expression with apprehensive eyes.

"Maybe you can cancel the performance." Marlene whispered.

"I'm fine." Lily said stubbornly, "I just didn't sleep well last night."

"Of course you didn't." Mary snapped from beside Marlene, "I'll have you know, if I ever see Roosevelt, I'm gonna use my shears in places he won't like."

Lily gave Mary a weak smile, "you don't believe what they're saying about me?"

"Of course not!" Both Mary and Marlene exclaimed at the same time.

Marlene and took Lily's hand, "you are the nicest person I know," Marles said, "if you slapped Roosevelt, he must've deserved it."

Lily couldn't help the tears that started falling down her cheeks. Mary and Marlene picked Lily up off her chair and they both hugged her, their arms enveloping her tightly. Lily met James' gaze again through their hair. He was clenching his jaw as he turned and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Mary and Marlene both helped her get dressed and ready. They were both trying to chatter on about her performance. They were so sure she was going to have a great show, they didn't realize that people on the internet were calling for another bomb just so they wouldn't have to hear Lily sing. Never mind that there was a hashtag trending on the internet that implied she did something bad. Mary slowly laced up the back of the yellow dress as Marlene finished final touches on Lily's make up. By the time the two artists were done, Lily looked like a yellow ball of sunshine.

A stark contradiction to the black in her heart.

The yellow folds of the dress fell down in long waves down Lily's body, hiding how skinny she was. Lily leaned into the mirror, her fingers touching the gold tinsel that Marlene had woven into her red hair. It sparkled under the synthetic lights, giving Lily a golden glow that would look amazing when the camera flashes hit Lily on the red carpet. Mary helped Lily into a pair of strappy gold heels and Marlene gave Lily a gold sequin pocketbook to carry.

"Let's go show you off." Marlene said happily, "I can't wait to see their faces."

Lily couldn't help but wonder what James would think. She took a deep breath before she walked out of the room dressed to the nines. She took her time walking down the staircase only looking up when she heard a sharp intake of breath. Her chin shot up and she saw James staring up at her from the main floor. His black hair was swept back with gel and he was wearing a nice black velvet suit. She paused on the middle step, taking in the look in his eyes that could only be linked to wonderment.

Lily finished walking down the stairs with a little more confidence, James' eyes never leaving her. He offered her a hand at the last step, and she took it, holding tightly to his fingers. His eyes flickered like the gold tinsel in her hair when she came to a standstill in front of him. His gaze traced all the way from her golden hair to her sparkly gold feet.

"Not so much like Big Bird now, I guess." He murmured.

Lily beamed under his approval, her smile overtaking her face for the first time that day. Marlene walked past the couple, smirking shrewdly.

"Doesn't she look great, Potter?" Marlene asked as Mary walked down the stairs too.

James only seemed to partially register Marlene's question, giving her a jerky head nod. Lily swallowed as he let go of her hand, shocking his own hand into his pocket readily as Alice turned the corner of the hall in a black gown. Lily smiled at Alice, noticing how pretty the blond looked.

"You look lovely Alice." Lily told her other bodyguard kindly, "I hope Frank gets to see you later."

"He's already seen." Alice waved Lily's comment away flippantly, "he was more concerned about me being late."

Mary leaned in suddenly to kiss Lily's cheek, "I have to go, I have two other jobs tonight. Good luck! I love you!"

"Love you too!" Lily called out to her friend as Mary side waved as she made her way out without assistance.

"I have to go too," Marlene said dejectedly, "I promised Dorcas I'd be home in time to watch the red carpet looks tonight."

"Of course." Lily hugged Marlene tightly, "Thank you Marles."

"Don't let the assholes on the internet get you down." Marlene said fiercely as she hugged Lily tightly, "just go, sing Disney's little princess song, and remember they're all just jealous they can't be a literal ray of sunshine like you."

Marlene nodded at James and Alice before making her way out the door just as a boy in a white suit came through the door. The two nodded politely at each other before Sirius opened his arms when he saw Lily standing there, all made up in her gown and make up.

"James was right, that dress does look like it's made out of the big bird costume!" Sirius barked a laugh.

Lily's jaw dropped and beside her, James stifled a sudden laugh with a cough. Lily was happy Mary had already left; she'd be offended by the boys' teasing. Sirius' grey eyes sparkled as he hugged Lily and then kissed her cheek. Lily pinched Sirius for good measure before accepting Sirius' offered arm.

"Ready to go give a stellar performance?" Sirius asked her, "Stick it to the man? All the jazz?"

"No," she said honestly, not bothering to lie anymore.

"Well," the sparkle in his eyes faded and he looked at James for a quick second, "let's give it your best, alright?"

"Okay."

The press cameras outside of Lily's gates were rolling as soon as she stepped out of her home. The yellow frilly dress made her feel like a joke as she slowly walked down the steps to her waiting car. James followed close behind with Sirius, both of them looking like they'd coordinated outfits. Knowing Sirius, he'd probably coordinated outfits with James just for fun.

Alice moved them all swiftly, seemingly in a hurry to get them to the Emmy's and back with no problems. Unfortunately, Alice had forgotten that Lily was living inside a snow globe surrounded by cameras. The press shouted for Lily's attention beyond the gates that kept them out, but Lily ignored the people yelling for her attention. Sirius and James helped her into her car, the yellow dress being handled delicately. Alice was talking to Frank on the phone, only nodding at Lily as she slid into her place next to Lily in the car. James and Sirius used their jackets to cover the windows as the car's driver pulled out of the gates. Lily sat silent in her seat, anxiety settling into her as she got closer to her performance.

"One performance," Sirius tried to talk her through her panic, "that's all."

"What if someone tries to hurt me?" she'd dug her nails into her purse nervously, "what if there's another bomb."

"There's not going to be." Sirius said, "There's so much security at these things, Lil."

"But what if."

Lily tried not to cry, she really did, but the dread was uncontrollable and only turning her eyes into puddles. James looked like he was struggling not to say something. Instead, Sirius tried the whole car ride to soothe her fears without James' help.

"Stop Sirius," Alice finally barked as the car pulled into the crowds at the theatre, "you're making her _worse_."

Lily stepped out of the car onto the red carpet and all attention turned back to her. The screaming was loud, leaving her with so many emotions. She almost ran but Sirius' hand firm in her own, made her break from that idea. Sirius kissed her temple kindly before leading her on, so she couldn't run. James followed close behind, staring angrily at the press who were shouting for Lily to comment on Steven.

Other celebrities stared at her, friends of Steven's family even going so much as to hiss at her as she walked by. Sirius kept a firm grip on Lily, a slight squeeze from his hand reminding her that he knew what it was like to be hated in Hollywood. Lily looked at her friend kindly, wondering how on earth he'd gotten through being ostracized by Hollywood when he ran away from home at sixteen. Lily held Sirius' hand tighter.

By the time it came for her to perform, Lily's anxiety was stressing her out so much that she was clutching her stomach right outside the stage. Sirius was rubbing her back and trying to get her to perk up. James' gaze just became more and more apprehensive. She placed her head in her hands to try and slow her flustered breathing.

Peter appeared, looking furious when he saw Lily leaning her head against her hands. A few people were whispering into their hands, pointing at Lily. It didn't help her sudden stage fright.

"Lily?" Peter asked, "Are you sick?"

"No," she snapped.

Her head was pounding as she stared out at the stage where Kelly Clarkson was handing Bob Morley his Emmy. She was lightheaded and the world was spinning from the lack of oxygen to her brain. A stagehand spoke into her earpiece that connected to the sound booth.

_"Thirty seconds to showtime. Evans."_

"What's wrong with her?" Peter demanded as Lily was passed a mic by stage crew, "why is she crying?"

_Twenty seconds to showtime._

"I dunno," Sirius said sarcastically as he continued rubbing Lily's back, "maybe it's the hormones."

Finally, as if all the tragedy had peaked and he couldn't hold back his opinion anymore, James roared at Peter, "Can't you do something?! She's having a panic attack!"

_Ten seconds to showtime._

She didn't want to sing; she didn't even want to move. Smoke cannons went off as Bob Morley walked off stage with Kelly Clarkson. Lily jumped back as a stagehand pushed her forward. It was like when she'd tried to go running with James, only this time she couldn't get enough air.

"Lily you're on," the stagehand pushed out out, "go!"

The smoke from the cannons gagged her. The lights were blinding as she stepped out onto the stage to thunderous applause. Her gown, yellow like sunlight, didn't do anything to dampen the darkness that swirled in her mind as she lifted the mic to her lips.

She missed the first beat and spooked, trying to catch up without sounding too off pitch.

_"_ _I don't know why I care." _

Her performance was shaky, absolute shit by the first note. She struggled to stay on top of herself, but she was failing miserably and on live television. Something like a sob echoed through her chest when she tried to take a breath. Some people were standing up in their chairs trying to get a better look at her. A camera man on a moving lift passed and did a double take when he saw how pale she was.

She saw some people in the audience covering their mouths with their hands as they talked about her. She might not have been able to hear them, but she could certainly imagine what they were saying. Lily's body shook with the realization that she was making a fool of herself, Disney and the movie she'd been working so hard on.

_"Come on Piper, they all told you what you already know! You have to leave, in order to grow!"_

All of a sudden, smoke cannons went off, something that hadn't happened in rehearsals. The mic dropped from Lily's hand before she finished the final note and she suddenly couldn't breathe at all.

She was in her own head, a warzone filled with chaotic screams that matched to the sound of her own pounding heart.

No one told Lily how lonely it was going to be. Hollywood painted a pretty little picture to a girl from Cokesworth. She'd just wanted to sing her handwritten songs and fall in love under the glittering city lights. They never told her how quickly people would rush to judge things they didn't understand, basing everything on half-truths splashed across tabloid headlines. Someone on camera was muttering into his radio. Lily felt herself sway back, the otioned too much for her swirling mind to handle.

Hollywood was fashioned as glamorous, all glittered and sparkles on the television. Everyone always told her how lucky that she was to come from nothing. They told her that if she wanted to be successful, then she had to sit still and look pretty. Lucky and pretty, that's all she'd ever been under the glare of the spotlight. Maybe not to everyone, maybe not to her family or her fans…but to everyone else those qualities were what made her worth.

As being pretty and having fame meant that she wasn't a human anymore, a human with her own thoughts and her own feelings. It was like the bomb in Manchester hadn't blown up in her face and turned her ambitions into nightmares and the spotlight into a microscope that zeroed in each time she stepped under it.

Lily rocked on her heels, pulling her earpiece out and letting it join her mic on the stage. Someone was crying out for the producers to cut to commercial. Lily saw someone rushing at her from the left and she was thrown back to Manchester. The audience gasped audibly as Lily landed on her knees, the cold hard stage likely bruising them. As her eyes fluttered with tears,

Lily wondered why they didn't tell her when she was twirling in front of the cameras as a child, that Hollywood was building her up all those years, only to try to knock her down.

Someone was shouting her name; hands were forcing her up to her feet. Lily gritted her teeth as she realized she was having a panic attack that she couldn't wake up from. She was barely keeping her head above the waves, drowning with each step towards the wings where she saw Peter gawking at her with disappointment etched all over his once kind face. The kick in her gut was akin to the kick she would've gotten if it had been her own dad standing there.

"I'm so sorry." She kept sobbing, "I'm _so_ sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry!"

Strangers helped her offstage, into the waiting arms of James and Alice. Lily's bodyguards carried her to her dressing room, James' jacket covering her head and face form the cameras like a hood. The whispers of Hollywood followed them, followed her, like a haunting choir.

"Come on Lily," James muttered when she tripped on her yellow dress, "we're almost to your dressing room."

"I want to go home." she blubbered, "please, _please_ James."

James looked at her like she was killing him, "Red, are you sure you're okay enough to walk that far?"

"_James take me home_."

"Okay," James said without even pausing to ask Alice, "okay, we'll get a car."

Alice had a car in minutes. It wasn't Lily's normal private car, just a uber and for that reason, Alice paid off the driver to keep his mouth shut and made him sign some contract on her phone. Peter found Lily again just as Sirius was helping Lily into a car to go home. He was demanding to know what happened, but James wouldn't let Peter get five inches from Lily.

"She's _my_ client," Peter said influentially, "I need to know how to fix this."

Lily heard James' voice rise as he said, "The only way to fix this, it to listen to her when she talks to you."

Peter sputtered, backpaddling, "I do listen."

"Then tell me how she ended up on that stage."

Peter's face went red, "you can't talk to me like that."

"I'm sorry," James said, his hand coming to grab Peter's jacket, "but I stopped taking orders from blokes like you a long time ago."

Peter's mouth opened and closed, like he wasn't sure how to handle all of James' anger and pointed frustration. James let go of Peter's jacket and turned away from Lily's manager, repulsion clearly marked by the lines in his forehead. Peter fumbled to grab the door.

"Where are you lot going?" he asked, "She still has an award to present!"

"Peter." Alice looked about at her wits end, "no offense, but even I'm not letting her back on that stage."

James got into the car and grabbed the door handle as Alice gave the driver directions.

"We're taking her home." James told Peter, "Enjoy the rest of the show."

Lily was still crying, leaning her face into Sirius' tux. Sirius rubbed her shoulder, soothing her as the car took off down the road. James and Alice were on the phone with two different people. James was complaining about Peter. Alice was asking Frank to clear the gates for Lily's incoming arrival.

Paparazzi were still stationed outside the house, as if knowing she'd come home early. James covered Lily's face with his jacket, leading up the stairs into her own house. He set her on the bench by her door, the red stuffed one, lifting his jacket off her head. Sirius helped her get her heels off before he guided her upstairs to the bath.

She stayed in the bath until the water was cold and chills were rising on her skin. After that she curled up next to Sirius in her bed, keeping her face on his chest of comfort. Despite not sleeping well, she did sleep, and it was more than she could've asked for. Every time she shot awake from a nightmare, Sirius pulled her back in and whispered to her that everything was going to be okay. At some point in the night, Juniper joined them, curling up at Lily's exposed side.

Alice, James and Frank had called in some recruits to help keep the fences clear of media. Lily's once quiet property was overrun with strangers trying to get a glimpse of Lily through her many windows. Lily took to wearing a wig and sunglasses on in her own house, so afraid the long lenses of the paparazzi would spot her.

Sirius and James took to entertaining her with movies, pizza and board games. She played James in go-fish all night long, neither of them mentioning anything that would trigger emotions other than a competitiveness that blocked out everything else. It was that morning, while she burned eggs on the stove, that James handed her his phone. She stared at his questioningly and he nodded at it.

"My friend wants to talk to you." He said softly.

"A friend?"

"My therapist." he nodded, "trust me?"

And she did trust him, with every bit of her soul, so she lifted the phone to her ear as James pulled her burning eggs off the fire of the stove.

"Hello?"

"Hello Miss Evans," a warm Scottish voice filled her ear, "My name is Minerva McGonagall, I'm James' therapist and friend. How are you?"

Lily felt her throat tighten up, "I'm okay."

"James wanted me to talk to you about your panic attacks." Minerva said, "I hope that's okay. I promise I am completely confidential, and I won't even write anything down so no one can know what we're discussing."

Lily held the phone with both hands, "Uhm, thank you."

"So," her voice was overwhelmingly kind, "you'll talk to me?"

"Yes." Lily said as she watched James throw away her burned eggs and start making her new eggs, "I trust James, and if he trusts you then I will too."

James looked up from cracking eggs over the skillet when he heard her, something like hope sketched across his dark features. Lily sat on the counter, her feet dangling towards the floor as Minerva asked her what had started the panic attacks.

"I've always dealt with anxiety," Lily said truthfully, "but nothing like this, until Manchester."

"Yes, I hope you don't mind, James talks about you a lot in his sessions so I know your past history."

Lily didn't know what to say so she just sputtered out, "that's okay."

He spoke about her a lot. Lily stared at James as he made her more eggs, wondering what on earth he spoke about in his therapy sessions. Minerva said her name twice before Lily responded again.

"Sorry, what?" Lily flushed and she was thankful Minerva couldn't see her.

"I asked if you've ever had a therapist before?"

"No," Lily said, "No, I've always talked to my family or best friend. I've always been too afraid someone would sell anything I said to the papers."

"Well you're in luck," Minerva said warmly, "I already have all the money I'll ever need and simply do this job to help people."

"I could use a lot of help." Lily said awkwardly, "James thinks that I have PTSD."

"Well," Minerva spoke of James so fondly, like he was her son, "he did learn from the best Post Traumatic Stress therapist in England."

"Do you think I have PTSD?" she asked worriedly, "is it treatable?"

"I can only diagnose you after the proper tests and sessions," Minerva said kindly, "so the next time you're in England feel free to stop by my office. As for if PTSD is treatable…" she trailed off for a moment, "Miss Evans I want you to understand that like most mental illnesses, PTSD is not strictly curable. The condition itself is caused by trauma and causes serious symptoms that make normal functioning challenging but even though patients with PTSD are not cured, they can improve significantly or even see all of their symptoms resolve. Just look at James."

Lily was looking at James, in wonderment, as he cooked eggs. He was wearing his long pajama bottoms and a dark blue t-shirt. He looked so functional and normal, as compared to her. She knew he wasn't perfect but something looking at him, it was hard to imagine he'd ever once been as bad as her. Minerva ended the phone call with a few healthy suggestions, including yoga and staying away from triggers.

"You don't perform again," Minerva said strictly, "until _you_ decide to perform. Understood?"

"Yes." Lily vowed, "I promise."

When she hung up, James passed her a plate of hot eggs mixed with cheddar. He lifted himself up on the counter at her side, his fake leg hitting the counter with a resounding thud. Lily and James shared the plate, James picked off pieces of egg with his own fork. At first she didn't think he was going to talk and then he knocked shoulders with her.

"Alright Evans?"

"I'll be okay, James." she said, "thank you for introducing me to Minerva."

"When we go back to the UK," he said, "we can all have lunch."

"I'd love that."

James smiled softly and picked up his fork again. Their silent vigil was only interrupted by Sirius walking through the front door with orange juice and breakfast biscuits. Sirius joined them atop the counter, eating the eggs Lily couldn't finish.

By the third night of no privacy, even in her own home, Lily wanted to scream. She threw a pan in her kitchen at the ground when she saw camera flashes going off on her once peaceful beach at night while she was trying to cook pasta. Frank and Alice came rushing into the kitchen, guns drawn. James, who'd been upstairs, came stumbling down the stairs with no shirt on and his leg on backwards.

"Sorry," Lily apologized, picking the pan up, "There's people on the beach taking photographs of me."

Alice and Frank relaxed. James just stood on the bottom stairwell, glaring at Lily for making him worry. Lily slammed the pan onto the stove and pulled her sweatshirt hood up around her face as she cooked. All she wanted to do was be alone and now, in her own place, she was surrounded by a sea of people.

Never in her life had Lily wanted to be someone else, anyone else. Malibu had turned into Hell, as far as Lily was concerned. She had to get out of Hollywood, and she had to do it quickly. The only problem was that according to her schedule she had three in-studio recordings for _Piper_ in little over a week.

Lily called Peter and he picked up after the first ring.

"What's wrong Lily?"

"I can't do this," she said feverishly, "I need to get out of California."

"You have a press tour coming up, Lily." he sounded exhausted, "why leave if you'll just have to come back? Besides, don't you have _Piper_ stuff with Disney next week?"

"Yes," she said, "But maybe we can move the recordings to a studio in New York."

"It'll take the press two hours to find out you're back in New York." Peter said, "that flat you rent doesn't have gates to keep people away like Malibu."

Lily complained, "Peter, there are too many windows in this flat. I can't even walk into my sitting room right now without putting on a show for Rita Skeeter, who by the way, has a tent pitched on the sand."

"You can't run." Peter said resolutely, "that only makes them talk more."

"You always said any press was good press."

"People think you cheated on your longtime boyfriend." Peter said, "if you run, they'll all call you guilty."

"Maybe I don't care anymore." Lily said, slumping onto a seat, "Peter, I'm currently living in a bloody fishbowl."

"You don't care?" Peter questioned, "you don't care that this could affect _Piper_, your next album and future concerts?"

"_What_ next album?" Lily exclaimed, feeling her eyes well up with tears, "Peter I haven't written a decent song in over five months!"

"I'm sure that's not true."

Peter sounded over it. Over their conversation, over Lily and over her crying. That only made her cry more because Peter was family, and he was disappointed in her and she felt awful about it. James was coming down the stairs, limping as he did so. When he spotted her crying in the chair across from the stairs, he grew concerned. He walked over to her, dropping into the chair next to her. He maimed at the phone.

"Who?" he mouthed.

"Peter," she said and James' eyebrows flew to his hairline skeptically, "I'm going to New York." Lily told her manager determinedly, "whether you approve or not."

"Lily-"

She hung up, placing the phone beside her miserably. James leaned into his chair, so he was closer to her. Lily wiped the tears from her eyes and started venting to James, upset by what Peter had said about her going to New York.

"He's worried about your reputation? That isn't the problem," James stuck up for Lily, as always, "the problem is some git on Twitter making an asinine hashtag go viral."

"I'll go to New York," she said, "I'll find a way to make it work with _Piper_, but I refuse to stay here and let the media have any part of me, not like this."

"Good for you," James said, "I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself."

Lily smiled at him through her tear stained face. He was looking ruggedly handsome in a dark blue polo, with his glasses pushed up into his hair. She felt a nervous tug at her heartstrings as she wondered if he'd be okay packing up and moving again. She didn't want to do anything that would make her have to tell him goodbye.

Lily played with her hair nervously, "You'll come with me to New York, right?"

"I signed a contract." James promised, "And besides, we're friends, aren't we?"

"Friends." She mumbled her discontented agreement, staring at his hand inches from hers.

He noticed her pointed star and whispered, "I know what you want."

"Do you?"

"Believe me, I do, but now isn't the time for that."

She lifted her eyes back to his hopefully, "why isn't _now_ the time?"

James got up from his chair and stretched, "I got in trouble for being too close to you. You do know that, right?"

Lily stood up too, barely level with his chin, "how much trouble?"

"As in my contract was threatened." He said, looking down at her.

"Fuck the contract."

"Easy for you to say." he snorted, "you make a million dollars just by standing there. I need this job, Lily."

"Okay," she reasoned, "but I can tell everyone to stuff it and then-"

"Peter made it very clear to the press, and everyone else, that I'm _just_ your bodyguard."

Her expression hardened, "so you're saying to stop yearning after you, because Peter said so?"

"No," he reached out and tugged a piece of her red hair, "I'm saying that now isn't the time for you and I to go looking for something in each other."

"When will it be the time to look for something?" she grabbed his wrist when he tried to turn away, "James?"

"Lily." he mocked her serious tone.

"James!" she yanked on his arm pointedly, "don't try and change the subject!"

"I'm not."

"You are!"

He tried to pull from her grip but she held tight. James sent her a look that made him only look more handsome and irresistible as she swung both his hands into a playful sort of dance to elicit another laugh from him.

"Lily." He laughed her name, a sound she hadn't heard in days, and she couldn't help smiling as she tugged him again.

"When?" she asked, singing the world, "When!"

"Lily!" but he was laughing, as her arms puppeteer him in the hallway, "stop, I can't dance!"

"Come on!" she sang, "Come on! Dance!"

He was laughing along to her joyous singing, his forehead falling so that their noses were almost touching. It made her slow down her motion of his arms. He used that chance to entangle their fingers. His black curls fell into his eyes as he took in her glowing smile and pleased giggle. His hands dropped hers, only so that he could brush her red hair behind her ears in a motion that had her seeing stars in a good way.

When his hands fell back to his sides, she thought he might kiss her, but he leaned back and stepped out of reach. Still, he was checking her out as he walked backwards into the security room. She just shook her head at him, her smile stretching across her teary face.

"Dim that spotlight, Superstar."

"What spotlight?" she crossed her arms, smirking at him flirtatiously, "I'm in the hallway. No spotlights."

"Your _smile_, Red." He emphasized, "you smile that beautiful smile, and suddenly, I know why all those people outside these walls scream your name."

She flushed at the compliment, "it's just a smile, James."

"It's pretty," he complimented her again and she knew she had to be red as a tomato, "almost as pretty as your green eyes."

"What are you playing at?" Lily accused, "you say we can't be together but you flirt with me?"

"It wasn't flirting." he said, "Just an observation."

She huffed, "Just say you wanna be with me too."

James let out a gruff little laugh, "you're _obsessed_."

Lily flipped her hair over her shoulder, "I'm just telling you, if you happened to like me back, now would be a great time to know."

James licked his lips before replying, "figure that out yourself, Red."

"I'm trying!" she emphasized, "but you're giving me mixed signals."

"I told you." he started walking away again, "I have a contract."

He went into the computer room and she shouted after him.

"Fuck the contract!"

His laughter was a reply that sent hope flooding back into her system.

October 1st, moving day, came quickly. Lily had most of her things packed and sent to the apartment by private movers. They moved James' things too, along with Alice and Franks' mini homestead three blocks down that they'd been renting. 

Summer was gone and autumn air hit Lily the minute she stepped off her private jet on the JFK tarmac. Lily normally only went to New York for events, not to live permanently after losing her mum to a drunk driver in New York over New Years. Lily had avoided the rented penthouse in Manhattan that had a private garden on the roof for over two years. She'd almost stopped renting it, had Sirius not taken to using it whenever he was in town.

Sirius was waiting for them at the airport when they landed. Juniper was in Lily's arms meowing for all the world to hear. James had his hands covering his ears until he got to Sirius, and the blokes hugged like they were decade old friends.

"June's driving me mad." James told Sirius as they got into the car, "She's been yowling since we left LAX."

Lily defended Juniper, like she always did, "She has PTSD from flying."

James snorted, kicking Lily with his good leg, "you're full of shit, Red." He said, "what could give your cat PTSD?"

Lily stuck her tongue out at James, "I'll have you know she finds coach absolutely _mortifying_."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Juniper hasn't flown coach once in all her nine lives."

"Of course not." Lily said, petting Juniper's squirming body, "she's my Queen, my baby, my only friend."

James sent Sirius a look, "Did you hear that, Sirius? Her cat's too good for mingling with us commoners in coach."

"Sorry James, all I heard is that Lily forgot we're her friends too?" Sirius mouthed back sassily, "maybe I ought to return her Christmas gift."

The boys spent the rest of the car ride making fun of Juniper. It wasn't until they got to the penthouse and Lily started showing James around that the teasing turned from Juniper to Lily. James was absolutely shocked by the house that had a garden roof, swimming pool in the living room and hot tubs in all of the loos.

"Who needs _five_ hot tubs, Red?" he said when she showed him his room with attached loo, "we could sell these hot tubs and end a war."

Lily frowned, "I didn't design the place James!"

"Yeah but you rent it!" James stared at her widely, "how much money do you have?!"

Sirius lifted his phone to his mouth, "Siri? How much is Lily Evans' net worth?"

Lily flushed a horrible red color she saw in the mirror when Siri spoke.

_"Lily Evans' net worth is $195.8 million." _

James fell back against the nearest wall, one hand in his hair as he stared in disbelief at Lily. He was looking at her like he saw her in a whole new light. Lily hoped it wasn't a bad light. Lily personally wished she could have a different penthouse. It was gaudy, even for her, and she lived for fancy things. Still, the location was prime, and Lily couldn't pass that up. When she told James this, he just shook his head in disbelief.

Lily heard Sirius telling James later about all the money she donated frequently. Lily heard James snap back at Sirius that he didn't need anyone to tell him of all the good Lily did. Lily supposed that if James said that, he couldn't hate her entirely for all the money she had. Lily wished she could say something about it, but every time she tried, she got nervous.

Lily knew that she was in a position of power and that she had more opportunities thanks to her money. She was aware that she was a white privileged member of society. Saying something to James, who was a minority in more ways than one, seemed stupid and pointless. Instead, she tried her hardest to share her wealth with James by inviting him to swim in the pool and use her workout room whenever he wanted.

"A workout room?" James looked at her weirdly when she led him to the room, "you don't even work out."

"Peter had it added." Lily enlightened, "for my guests."

The first week was spent settling back into the penthouse life. It took the paparazzi about a day to realize she'd relocated. James and Frank ran cameras and circuits around the entire house, except the bedrooms and bathrooms. There were three cameras on the living room, getting every angle. No expense was spared in Lily's protection in New York.

Her fans flooded the street outside during the day, trying to get a glimpse of her when she left her house to record for Piper. Every night, Alice brought in the flowers and cards fans left at her doorstep. Lily refused to open the cards; afraid she might find a nasty note amongst even the good. Alice shoved the letters in a drawer and Lily put the flowers all over the sitting room. She asked Alice for her real phone, the one with Instagram and Tumblr so she could post a picture on Tumblr to tell her fans thank you.

James stood behind her while she typed her post, making sure she didn't go onto any other social media. While she was scrolling down to find out what some of her fans were up too, James stopped her and pointed to a picture of them together. A fan had edited the one of them laughing at Disney with sparkles and lyrics from one of Lily's songs called Enchanted. James pointed at the hashtag in hearts at the bottom of the post.

"Jily?" he questioned.

Lily shrugged, never having seen it before. She clicked the hashtag and was immeadtly redirected to the hashtage filter. Suddenly James and Lily's pictures from Disney and the awards were repeated. Lily scrolled down, trying to find a reasoning.

**Spillingwineinthe-bathtub:** omgomg Jily is so cute at Disneyland if they don't get married I'll sue

**PetalsToFish:** I'm gonna write another god damn fanfic aren't I?

Lily looked up from her phone, half a laugh escaping her lips, "I think—_oh my god_...I think they gave us a ship name?"

"A what?"

**_Anonymous Asked:_** _okay but if #jily is a thing then she had to have cheated on Steven?_

**RosesForever:** Anon, everyone knows that #jily weren't even spotted together until Manchester. Look at the show footage on youtube. He carries her off stage!

**llillyevans: **I didn't see Steven there. Which doesn't surprise me since he never went to any of her shows. So honestly? -good for her .gif-

"A ship?" he said, adorably tilting his head down at her.

**thejilyship:** jily at Disney together is like right out of a fanfiction #jily

"It's a fandom thing on Tumblr," Lily explained as she continued scrolling, "it's a name fans give couples. Jily is apparently our ship."

"You've got to be kidding me." James sounded amused, "Do they do that for all celebrities?"

"Yeah," she said, "and for book characters and that kind of stuff."

"Okay so that means?" he asked, "That means people think we're dating, despite Peter's press release?"

**jilyorbust:** okay I know Lily said she and James were just friends BUT THEHY'RE SO CUTE TOGETHER!ASKAKSKAS

"No," she chuckled, turning off the phone and turning her head up to smile at him, "it mostly just means some of my fans think we look good together."

"Is that so?" James tapped his chin.

Lily decided to throw another shot in his direction, "I have to agree with them."

James frowned immediately, "Alice is right downstairs, Lily." he warned, "she'll hear you."

"And?"

"My contract?" he reminded her, weakly. 

Lily took his words as a challenge to just say it louder so she sang, " Hashtag jilyyyyyyyy!"

"Shhhh," he implied, but there was humor in his eyes.

"Jily!" she chanted, giving a shoulder shake "jily! jily. Jily! Come on James, this is my newest smash hit."

James was trying really hard to not fall into her silly antics, "Your songwriting needs improvement."

Lily ignored him, "Jily! Jillyyyy! hashtag jily!"

"You're mad." he said, shaking his head at her as he chuckled.

She sent him a simper of a smile, "mad for you."

"_Okay_, I'm going for a run." He sighed, leaving her alone on her couch, "before you get me in trouble."

Lily harrumphed, glaring at him for not giving in. What would it take for him to break is resolve and finally tell her how he feels? She just had to know if he liked her like she liked him.

"Wanna come run?" he offered and Lily rolled her eyes, "I thought so. Have fun reading about hashtag jily."

"Can't wait to be living #jily!" she responded cheekily.

"Contract!"

"Fuck the contract!"

He waved her comment away with a flippant hand as he walked out of the room.

Lily was still laughing when Alice entered the room with a new vase of flowers. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Lily giggling while looking at her phone screen. It was certainly a completely different mood from Lily's usual dismal presence.

"What are you laughing at Lily?" Alice asked.

Lily looked up from her phone with a grin, "Jily."

Alice put the vase down, "if you're chilly, I can turn up the heat?"

"Never mind Alice, I'm fine."

James finished his run and come back to the room Lily was hanging out in. She had a duster in hand and was going through her house. She wanted to get the dust on her past, she wanted to see it clearer. Minerva had spoken to Lily the night before and encouraged her to look back on happy memories associated with singing.

"For every bad thought," Minerva had urged, "you need to think of two good things."

Lily did as Minerva suggested. She found herself reminiscing over awards and pictures of her family on her walls. She affectionately remembered when they'd lived there full time for a while. she sat in her sisters favorite chair by the window overlooking the central park skyline. She found the old Christmas china her mum had been storing away from another Christmas in Lake Placid. She held trophies and relived all her happiest memories while still getting slight stings and hints of her bad memories. Lily's father called her while she was dusting off some of the awards she'd left in New York.

It was ironic that he called when she was holding the Grammy she'd won for _Roses_, the album she named after her mum. She picked up her cell and James looked up from his computer when she spoke, but he quickly settled back down when he realized she was on the phone. Lily cradled the phone between her ear and shoulder as she continued dusting old and new Juniper hair off her trinkets.

"Hey, Superstar."

Lily's eyes lifted to James, remembering him calling her Superstar only a week before. It had been in the same loving way that her father used the nickname. Lily wondered if James had gotten the nickname from her father. After all, the two had gotten along really well in Scotland.

"Hi dad." She said tenderly.

"How are you holding up?"

Lily stopped cleaning and placed her duster on the closest shelf so she could grab her phone and leaned against the wall. She hoped he wasn't worrying too much, her father had turned into a worrier after her mum died.

"I'm okay." she sniffed, her nose itching from the dust, "did Peter call you?"

"Yes, but I wish you had."

Lily closed her eyes and took a shaking breath in, "I know Dad, I'm sorry. I just don't want you to have to worry about me."

"I always worry about you," he said, "You know you can come back home; the American press won't follow."

"There's still paparazzi in England."

"Not nearly as much as America." Her father said, "We'll deal with the British press like we always have."

He trailed off optimistically and two fat tears fell down Lily's cheeks. She wanted to go home more than anything. She missed England. She missed the rain struck streets and the warm hot soup carts. She missed not having cameras shoved in her face. She missed singing in random pubs as her family and friends cheered her on. Lily knew going back to England wouldn't change anything, but the very thought enticed her.

She wished she could go back in time and just be normal, like her sister.

It was the first time in her life that Lily was jealous of Petunia.

"I've got this movie contract with Disney." Lily twirled her hair on her finger, "I'm doing re-recording this week and then I have a few weeks before Press Tour starts…maybe I can come home for a few days?"

Her father urged, "You'll come home anyways remember? Petunia's wedding? It's November 13?"

"I forgot about her wedding." she said truthfully, "Pet probably doesn't want me there anyways."

Her father assured her, "Yesterday, Petunia asked if you were coming home for her wedding."

That surprised Lily because the sisters had fought on Petunia's birthday. Lily still remembered Petunia insinuating that Lily wouldn't be invited to any of her future birthdays. Lily wanted to tell her father that Petunia's question didn't mean Petunia missed her. It only meant that Petunia was seeing if she had to deal with her bratty younger sister again. Instead, Lily just laughed sympathetically and shook her head as she pressed her forehead to the shelf jutting out from the wall.

"I miss you." she told her father delicately, "I'll come home for the wedding and I'll try to come home for Christmas."

"That's my Superstar."

Lily bit her lower lip and she murmured into the phone, "Hey, Dad?"

"What?"

She realized she was crying, and she tried to hide it in her voice, "I really miss you guys."

The concern was evident in her father's voice even though the phone, "Lily, did something else happen?"

Lily shook her head, wiping the snot coming from her nose with her sleeve, "I just-I don't want to do this anymore."

"Do what, superstar?"

Her knees began to wobble, and she took a deep breath as she broke out in a cold sweat. She told herself to just tell her father, but she couldn't bring herself to actually say the words out loud for fear it would leave in her ruins.

_I'm not sure I want to be a singer anymore._

Something, something tugging at the very depths of her soul made her hold back the words. After all, she'd worked her arse off to get to where she was now. She'd spent long nights writing the lyrics that led to her success. She'd won _Sing It!_ as a young teen and built her career around her love for music. It was all she ever wished for, which is what held her back from saying the words out loud.

Once she said those words out loud, she couldn't take it back.

Her father would talk her into dropping it all without even blinking. Her sister would tell her that she should've never even tried to be anything but a girl from Cokesworth. Her fans would be disappointed, and Peter would never understand. There were so many reasons to leave but her love for music made her stay, even after everything.

"I _uhm_," Lily turned to find James staring at her over his computer screen, "Dad, I have to go. Juniper's eating the pillows again."

"_Wait-Lily-_"

But she hung up the phone and enveloped her arms around herself. Juniper, the culprit in question, wrapped around Lily's legs devotedly before jumping onto her bed. Juniper's rare showcasing of love only made Lily cry even more and she knelt down to pick up the cat. Juniper immediately kicked out of Lily's hold and ran into the adjacent room.

James was over to her side in seconds, brushing the tears from her cheeks fearfully, "What is it?"

Lily just shook her head before wrapping her arms around James' shoulders and leaning her head into the crook of his neck. James rubbed a soothing hand on her back, not asking her to talk anymore. Once her sobs had subsided, he pulled away slightly to stare at her red and blotchy face.

"You don't have to be okay," he reminded her.

"I'm tired," she told him, her lips almost pressed to his skin, "I'm so damn _tired_."

James sighed and continued rubbing her back, "I know, I know."

Lily hugged him firmly, wishing she could make all the pain of the past few months go away. She wished she'd met James under different circumstances, and she wished Severus Snape never set off a homemade bomb at her concert. She dreamed of another life where she met James at the gym and he asked her out while she pretended to run on the treadmill. She imagined quiet dates at local festivals and cuddles by the fireplace.

"Hey?" he nudged her chin up, "are you hungry?"

"No." she said miserably, like a child.

"You haven't eaten since last night." he said, pulling out of her arms only to entangle their fingers together and pulling gently, "come on, I'll show you how to make some really good soup."

Lily let him pull her into the barely used kitchen. She sat on the edge of the counter as he pulled open her drawers and got all the supplies he needed out. He'd gone to the store the day they'd arrived with Sirius to stock up her pantry with things other than Ramen noodles. As a result, Lily had avoided the kitchen and had been snacking off crackers.

Lily watched as James took a bunch of green stalks from the fridge, along with a bag of potatoes. He always looked so at home in the kitchen, like he'd spent a lot of time in it. She wished she had his confidence with a spatula.

"Ever had leek potato soup?" James asked Lily as she considered his supplies with attentiveness.

"I'm afraid not." she said, wiping her cheeks of salty tears, "I've never been much of a soup person."

"Says the woman who eats Ramen noodles every day." James mocked as he began boiling the potatoes, "this is ten times better for you, Red."

"I'll take your word for it." she said, kicking her heels against the counter.

James talked her through the process, even having her help with blending the potatoes and leeks together with a blender. She forgot about all her problems as James guided her hands while she mixed the soup up. He was warm and comforting, sending chills down her spine.

"Who taught you to cook?" she asked him as he fried bacon on a skillet.

James replied, "My mum actually," he was staring at her as she continued blending the potatoes, "she always told me that I needed to learn how to cook so if anything ever happened to her, she'd know I wouldn't starve."

"I wish my mum had taught me to cook," Lily said, "but fame kinda got in the way of cute domestic mom-and-daughter dates."

"Well, you're doing an okay job right now." he nodded at her mixture, "That looks like it's ready for the vegetable stock."

James helped her pour the stock into the potatoes and leeks. She mixed the soup as James added various spices from her cabinets that had to be there from when she used to live in New York. When he was satisfied with the spices, he took over stirring the soup, allowing Lily to settle onto her countertop again. Her hands leaned against the granite as James dunked his pinky into the mixture and tasted it.

"That is some damn good soup." he said cheerily, turning to grin at her with a boyish expression.

He helped her off the counter and she got two bowls from her china cabinet. She led the way up the stairs to her bedroom, which led out into a rooftop garden. They settled into a stack of pillows and ate their soup quietly as they listened to the hustle and bustle of the city below. James chuckled softly after a bit, earning Lily consideration.

"What?" she nudged him with her elbow spiritedly.

"Nothing," he turned his blissful eyes onto her, turning to her mush, "I just never would've thought, in a million years, I'd be where I am now. In a penthouse. In New York. With Lily Evans."

"I grew up in a small town." She said, sighing, "sometimes I wish i could go back to that small town life."

They were both quiet, thinking of how thing could have been. James surprised her when he spoke again.

"You know, I thought I'd die on that operating table." His voice had taken a darker turn, but his eyes remained hopeful, "I never thought I'd get a second chance. Sometimes I still think I didn't deserve to live when-well-you don't want to know the gory details."

Lily scooted closer, "I just want to know you better, James."

James glanced down at her. He looked to be fighting himself before he placed his bowl down. He leaned over, pulling the jeans up and over his fake leg. The gears clicked as he pulled his knees up. Lily watched as he touched the leg delicately, as if lost in a trance. She placed her hand on his shoulder, making him study her once more.

"James?" she whispered, hesitant.

He had a tortuous gaze, "I lost more than my leg that day, Lily." He said, "some scars will never heal or be easy for me to talk about."

She gripped his shoulder harder, "I never want to see you hurt."

"I know," His hand covered hers, "Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind, I'll just black out and forget where I am."

"What happened?" she asked again, this time lightly pressing him, "you said there was a bomb?"

James didn't answer right away. The sun was coming over the roof, getting ready to set in the west. Lily wrapped a blanket around her shoulders as the air got swept up in the chilly wind. James fiddled with the gears on his leg.

"I was a soldier," his voice, so quiet, was almost hard to hear, "I'd gone out with my best mate. I didn't get the promotion I wanted, see? And I went to get my mind off it." he took a ragged breath, "I made him go out. He didn't want too but I _made_ him."

Lily waited patiently, knowing how much it was probably taking from him just to relive the moments he'd pushed to the back of his mind. Lily leaned forward and her hand covered his, the one on his fake leg. Her fingers followed his tracing of the gears. He seemed sidetracked by her fingers, but only for a moment.

"Remus was drunk after two shots of vodka with the American soldiers and as a result, comical." he said, his fingers intertwining with hers, "Remus was pretending to pirouette to my god-awful singing."

Lily's thumb traced over his palm, memorizing the lines there. The sky overhead, filled with Autumn sunshine, did little to warm up their bodies. James took another shaky breath.

"Remus didn't have a graceful bone in his body so despite his best efforts, he really just looked like a freshly newborn giraffe dancing," his shaky laugh was everything to Lily, a reminder that despite his pain, he still found humor in his darkest moments, "you would've liked him a lot."

Lily swallowed, "would've?" she almost sensed where the story was going, and her heart was breaking already for James.

"It was the flicker of the light on the ground," he managed, pulling his hand from hers to sweep back his black curls, "It was a bomb. Roadside. Planted to be barely noticeable, but I saw it and I thought I could save him before he stepped down."

His face fell into his hands and he took a shaking breath.

Lily already knew what he couldn't tell her.

He lost his friend.

Lily felt her own tears slipping down her face as she leaned over and wrapped her arms around James. The blanket around her arms enveloped both of them in its warmth as she tucked her face into his neck. She pressed her nose to his skin, breathing in as he finally reached around and hugged her back. His pull was strong, forcing her to fall into his lap as her fingers brushed down his chest.

"I'm sorry." she said, "I'm so sorry James, I had no idea."

"I know what you want," he croaked, "but you deserve someone _whole_."

She leaned back and found he was crying, fat tears slipping down his cheeks. It was only the second time she'd ever seen a grown man cry, the first being her father after her mother passed away. Lily reached up, using her thumb to brush away his tears like he'd done for her so many times. His sniffed, looking ashamed for crying. He was using his sleeves to wipe his cheeks and knocking her back. Lily sat back on her heels, watching James try to shake off the pain of his past.

They sat outside a while longer. Lily kept her knees curled to her chest and James stared at her garden, lost in war-torn memories. When they went inside, James took the dishes to the sink and Lily wrapped up the soup in Tupperware. She turned on the radio for the afternoon, so they both could sort through their feelings.

The music started playing, and it was like the end of a sad movie. Lily glanced at James, knowing his story had the kind of ending no one ever wanted to see. It was a tragedy that he'd lost his best friend while trying to save him. Still, Lily didn't know how to tell James she was thankful for the path that had pushed him into her arms, because she didn't know who to be without him around.

Life was never simple, and it was certainly never easy. Lily deserved a clean break away from Hollywood, which was a warzone in itself. Still, without James coming into her life, there would've been no one there to save her in Manchester and she might not have even made it as far as she did. Overcome with sudden gratefulness for James, Lily turned away from her fridge only to find James staring at her with a similar look. Lily tucked her hair behind her ear as they stared at each other.

She took another deep breath, "Thank you for saving my life."

His eyes dropped to his hands, "anyone would've done what I did."

"You went onto the Manchester stage, even though you were terrified." she stated, "not everyone could've done that."

His hazel eyes were dark, "I just didn't want to see you get hurt."

"I know it's not simple or easy to overcome what scares you the most." she pushed her fingers into her hair, "I hope I can be as fearless as you one day."

"Well, Minerva told me that being fearless isn't being 100% unafraid," James placed her pot on the rack, "it's being terrified, but you jump anyways."

Lily let her fingers fall from her hair as she stared at him, her literal hero. Someone who risked it all and fought his demons for her when they'd been strangers. Lily wanted nothing more than to kiss him, hug him, ease his fears. He might not have been ready to be with her, but she was more than ready to jump and fall.

Lily said honestly, "I think you're the bravest man I've ever known."

James looked like he strained his neck when he matched her serious stare, "you're brave too."

"Not as brave as you." she said sourly, "_you_ don't wake up screaming every night."

He shook his head, "We all have our own nightmares that have us waking up at 2 a.m. Red, me included."

She walked over to take his hand, forcing him to look at her, "it's okay not to be okay."

"Is that right?" Something twinkled behind his sad eyes, "where'd you hear that?"

She let the corners of her mouth flip up positively, "This really, amazing and _brave_ man told me so."

One of his hands lifted to curl around her long fringe, his knuckles brushing her cheek.

"Lily I-"

James couldn't finish what he was about to say because Alice suddenly walked through the door, making him jump away from her. If Alice noticed them standing a breathes width apart, she said nothing. Instead, Alice pulled James downstairs to help her fix one of the patio cameras. Lily just stared after James, struck by the things he'd said and the things left unsaid.

James was right because fearless was having fears and recognizing them. Fearless was having doubts. Lots of them. Fearless was living in spite of the nightmares that kept her awake every night. Fearless was falling madly in love again, even though she'd been cut down, thrown out and drowned by heartbreak. Fearless was walking onto a stage and trying to sing a song despite the panic that settled in like a was getting back up and fighting for what she wanted over and over again…even though every time she tried to fix herself before, she lost. It was fearless of Lily to have faith that someday things would change and she could find her old self again.

Most of all, Lily thought that loving someone so passionately was fearless. No matter what love threw at Lily, she had to believe in it. She had to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That's why she picked up a pen, grabbed a piece of paper, and wrote down the first lyrics to a song.

Verse 1:

_I'm dressed in red, it's a chilly autumn outside our door_

_You lead me to the kitchen, socks sliding on the tile floor_

_I don't know how to give you more_

_Every time I look at you my heart soars._

Chorus:

_The bombs went off and they're taking a toll_

_I can feel the fire forming down deep in my soul_

_I'm burning red and baby, you're a golden glow._

_I'm willing to go wherever you go _

Verse 2:

_I can't even walk without having to fall_

_You always catch me, answering my call_

_I wish we could start over with a clean slate_

_But I know it's just too little, too late._

Bridge:

_I'm a paper doll all taped together_

_You're a beautiful mosaic of broken parts, forever_

_Your smile's got me believing_

_And your love stops the bleeding_

_I'm fearlessly yours, Red_

Chorus:

_The bombs went off and they're taking a toll_

_I can feel the fire forming down deep in my soul_

_I'm burning red and baby, you're a golden glow._

_I'm willing to go wherever you go_


	9. Stay Stay Stay

Lily stayed up writing _Fearlessly Red_ until it was perfect. Ink stained her fingers from the constant rewrites of the lyrics. Moonlight beams fell onto her as she crooned the soft melody until she knew it was ready for other ears besides her own. Lily's eyes were dropping sleepily when she finally crawled from the depths of her covers where she'd been strumming her guitar.

She found herself sneaking into the dark kitchen at three in the morning. One lamp was on, lighting up the kitchen table. Lily made her way across the kitchen in her bare feet to sample one of the cookies James had baked a few nights before. She sat on the edge of the counter and looked across the kitchen chewing hungrily until she found herself pausing in wonder.

It wasn't the fact that the cookie was good, or she had a new idea for a song. It was the fact that she realized, as she swallowed the rest of the sugar cookie, that she was happy. Sure, life was hell sometimes, but she had something now to hold onto that sent her head spinning and her heart racing.

And she was happy.

She was in the kitchen where she found out her mum died.

But she was happy? The idea was almost perplexing.

Her name was being dragged across the internet and yet in her sacred little penthouse she had no reason to stare across at the kitchen table and remember the haunted memories that accompanied the kitchen, once upon a time. It was still there of course, the pain that accompanied the loss of her mother, but she found that staring at the kitchen table didn't make her sink into a depressive state. Instead, she was thinking about laughing with James over the crossword at noon and playing cards with Alice when she couldn't sleep. She realized that somehow, she'd found a part of herself again even amongst the chaos.

Lily wondered if the reason she was feeling happy, for the first time in a long time, was that she finally wrote a song she loved. There was something about Fearlessly Red that made her heart skip and her eyes glisten with happy tears. It was the same feeling she got when she glanced at James when he wasn't looking her way. It was the same feeling as falling in love.

Of everyone, James deserved to be the reason she could walk the halls of the New York penthouse and not feel lost in an old nightmare she could never escape from. She wanted to go more places with him, have him use whatever magic he had to fill in her heart piece by piece. She knew part of the healing was all her, she knew that, but there was something about James that made everything in her life seem less daunting.

Perhaps it was because he was so brave. Lily still couldn't believe he'd risked everything to help his friend. She wished she could remember his name. It was a strange name, one that seemed fit for a song. Lily bit her lip and swung herself off the counter, making her way down the long staircase and into the main lobby.

Inside the computer room, she heard Alice typing on a keyboard. When Lily walked in, Alice looked up from the monitors that were showing the New York streets, with the corners and edges of her penthouse colored in black and white. Alice had likely seen her coming from one of the monitors.

"Why are you awake?" Alice took off her headset and frowned at Lily, "can't sleep again?"

"Can I have my phone?" Lily asked, "my real phone? I promise I won't go onto social media..."

Alice's lips thinned, "Peter told me to keep you off your phone until this all calmed down, Lily."

"I know, I know." Lily reasoned, "five minutes, _please_?"

Alice offered Lily her bedazzled phone, but not without question in her dazzling blue eyes. Lily waved thankfully at her other bodyguard before racing back to the kitchen and stealing another one of James' cookies. She munched on it as she turned on the phone. Immediately messages started appearing in her text box, but she ignored them and instead clicked her internet app. It took her two minutes to find articles on James. If there was one thing Lily was good at, it was finding people on the internet.

_ **June 26, 2017** _

_By Donald L. Barry_

_LANDSTUHL, Germany —_

_A fun night at the local bar turned deadly when two of Englands own were caught by a roadside bomb and three American marines had to leap into action with the help of several locals. The soldiers were identified as soldier James Potter of Godrics Hollow and soldier Remus Lupin from Chapel Amble. Potter, 22, is in critical condition at the local hospital here in Landstuhl. Remus Lupin, 21, was announced dead on the scene. Lupin leaves behind his parents, both government staffers who live outside of London. _

_" They were just trying to have a bit of fun," said an emotional Nigel Babbington from a facetime call that was being broadcasted to all ABC news channels "Just like me. They're soldiers. Just like me."_

_Babbington was one of about twenty troops assigned to the small town in Mosul as a part of a peace-keeping force. Babbington had just been named Potter and Lupin's lieutenant two days before when he got the news._

_"All they told me was that Potter was being flighted out by American emergency teams to a Hospital in Germany." Babbington confirmed, "Onlookers say Potter tried to push Lupin out of the way…but it was too late."_

_The hospital has yet to comment on Potter's likelihood of survival._

Lily touched every link with his name, desperate for more information. His hometown newspaper published a photograph of him, with two people who looked like a perfect mixture of him. The woman was beautiful with black curls that mirrored James' hair. She and a figure Lily would've killed for, she looked like Gal Gadot but like a literal Wonder Woman. The man looked the most like James, tall but lankier than his son. Lily soomed in to read the caption.

_Hometown hero, James Potter, poses with his parents in this photograph taken at Saint Mary's School. _

Lily zoomed in on James last, her eyes soaking in the vision of James Potter when he couldn't have been older than fifteen. He was wearing a rugby, his name etched on the front with a rearing lion. His smile was the wide one she rarely saw, the one that made his cheeks and eyes wrinkle. He looked truly, undeniably happy, wrapped up in his parents' arms.

Without even trying, more lyrics popped into her head. She quickly turned on her phone recorder and sang softly into it.

"_We're both praying, not even religious. I've lost a lot dear; you've lost even more. Calling you fearless, when I want to say more._"

When Lily stopped singing, she immediately called the first persons he could think of who would be excited to hear her new ideas. Sirius answered her phone call with a half-panicked sot of tone. She realized calling him in the middle of the night hadn't always been his most positive experiences with her. She walked back to her room as they spoke.

"Hello?" Sirius sounded concerned, "Lily?"

"Sirius can you come back to New York?"

"Is something wrong?" he sounded like he was getting dressed really fast and someone on the other end asked him to come back to bed, "Lily?"

"No," she said hurriedly, "I just need you to help me record this demo…"

Lily's garden terrace doors were thrown open to the autumn air, so her room was freezing when she returned to it. Lily leaned against her door to watch the sun come up on the horizon of buildings. The guitar she'd been strumming on all night was still on the bed, but Juniper was now using it as a headrest while she slept. She'd been practicing the chords to _Fearlessly Red_ all night and she finally had a steady song to record a demo for. All she needed now was her favorite music producer to join her in the studio.

On the other end of the phone, Lily could hear Sirius climbing back into his bed, "I can be there tomorrow afternoon?"

Lily felt something like pride sink into her chest when she declared, "I wrote a song that you'll like and I have a few ideas as well."

Sirius sounded over enthused on the other end, "you're writing again!"

She laughed at his passion, "what can I say?" she leaned back and glanced through her open bedroom door to where James' bedroom door was wide open, "I was inspired."

"What's this about?"

"Come to New York and find out!"

Sirius promised to hop on the next plane there, but until then, Lily was forced to carry the secret of her new song to herself. She put her guitar back on its stand and stretched before walking back out of her room. Across from her room, was James' room. His door was wide open, and music was coming from his stereo. She walked in, uninvited, only to find him reading a book on his bed.

James looked up; one eyebrow quirked at her when she entered the room so daringly. She noted he still had his suitcase thrown open at the foot of his bed. His room didn't have any windows, but the light was on, covering the room in a soft yellow glow. Lily paused at his desk where three things caught her eye.

The first thing, was a well-worn journal. Its edges were frayed, and fingerprints marked the back-leather cover. It was small enough that it could fit easily into a pocket and came with a pen just as small. James' familiar scribbles were on the front, but they were illegible or crossed out.

Beside the journal was a picture frame with a photograph of James in a camouflage soldier uniform, one arm slung around a tall boy in the same exact outfit. James was smiling so wide in the photo it seemed like it was painted on and the boy beside James looked thrilled at being included in the photograph.

"Remus?"

She murmured her question more to the air than James, but he answered, "that's him."

The third and final thing that caught her attention was the fact that James had his gun on his desk, almost as if he needed to have it around at all times. She reached past the gun to pick up the photograph with James and Remus, her fingertips sliding along the glass frame as more lyrics popped into her head.

_I'd give my father back my mother. I'd give you back your brother. Why do heroes have to lose? Why does God always get to choose?_

Lily put the photograph down, as she memorized the lyrics over and over again so she could write them down once she was alone. By the time she turned back to face James, she knew every word by heart. Janes hadn't said anything while she snooped, instead he just remained content to wait for her to explain what she was doing.

Lily leaned against his desk, her fingers curling around the edges, "Hi."

Delight sparkled in his eyes, "Good Morning, Red."

She rocked back on her heels, "Sirius is coming to visit."

"I know." James put down his phone, "he just texted me."

She couldn't help but tell a joke when he was looking at her so adorably, "we're both just covering our bases, so you don't try and shoot him again."

James pulled himself up and off his back so he could swing his legs over one side of his bed. Lily took that as an invitation to sit next to him, so she danced over, falling into the mattress at his side. She took a few quiet moments to examine his features, learning what she could while she had him alone. With his hair falling into his eyes, he looked like his mum from the photograph. Lily fingers itched to run through his curls today, seeing as they were obstructing his gaze as he stared back at her.

"I heard you on your guitar all night." he said, "did you sleep at all?"

She shook her head, "no, I was too busy writing."

James lifted his eyes to the wall clock behind Lily's head, "well, it's time to get up, what do you want to do today?"

Lily let her lower lip pout as she thought of things to do. She'd been all around the city plenty of times, so much so that she felt no need to take him through all the touristy places. She tried to make his job as easy as possible and the crowded New York City streets didn't seem very easy for him. Lily stared around the room, taking in the decor her interior decorator had placed. A small ceramic bird caught her eye and suddenly, she was thrust back into her own memories.

Lily stood up off the bed and reached up, taking the little speckled bird off its shelf and turning it over in her hands. Her thumb traced the smooth curves wonderingly as she remembered the exact shop in Woodstock where Petunia had bought the little bird for Lily using her own allowance. Lily doubted Petunia remembered how much the gesture had meant to Lily, it had been so many years ago.

"What is it?" James asked, pushing himself to a standing position and walking over to Lily and the little bird.

Lily turned, holding the bird between them, "Petunia bought this for me when we first moved here."

James took the little bird from her fingers and examine it closely, "it's pretty."

She nodded as he handed the bird back. Lily lifted onto her tiptoes, putting the bird back on its podium. She wondered if the little shop was still there. Suddenly, she knew what she wanted to do.

"Let's go hiking." she said, looking up at James with a bright smile.

"Hiking." James repeated, surprised.

"There's this cute town about two hours away called Woodstock, my family and I used to go there all the time to get out of the city away from the crowds." she explained, "there's a trail to a waterfall and the leaves are bound to be beautiful this time of year."

"Okay, okay," he was laughing at her instant enthusiasm, "let's go then, let me just go talk to Alice."

Lily beamed at him, clapping her hands before she bounded out of his room and across the hall to her room. She hugged Juniper obnoxiously as she sorted through her clothes to find her favorite leggings and an old Kelly Clarkson tour t-shirt. Once she was changed, she threw on a baseball cap so that her face would be protected from the autumn sun and any possible photographers.

Lily stopped by her mirror on the way out of her room. She fussed over the state of her reflection, pouting at how sick she looked. She really _was_ skinnier than she'd ever been. Her leggings, which used to be skintight, were folding slightly at the knees and hips. Lily bit her lip as she compared her reflection to that of a ghost because of how pale she looked. The circles under her eyes had circles, it was ridiculous. Lily couldn't help but go to the loo and put on some make up.

She wondered how she'd never noticed how unbelievingly _tired_ she looked.

She settled for her reflection once she totally made up her face. She swept out of the loo just as James popped his head around the corner of her door.

"Ready to go, Red?"

"Alice is okay with us going alone?" Lily asked, surprised.

James' forehead grew lined, "she's currently puking in the first-floor loo, so she could care less where we go."

Lily's hand flew to her heart, "is she okay?"

James shrugged, "I called Frank, he's on his way from their apartment next door."

Lily pushed a sweatshirt over her head, losing her baseball cap in the process and readjusting it, "but what's wrong?"

"She thinks it might be the stomach flu." James said, "so let's stay away from her."

Lily chewed her lip as James led her out, "Yeah, I just hope she's okay."

"She's a tough girl," James said, he didn't seem too concerned, "besides, Frank will take care of her."

James seemed so much more relaxed around her when it was just them, no expected interruptions. Selfishly, Lily wished she could find a way to run away for a weekend without Alice and Frank. It was no secret anymore that she wanted James for herself. She wondered, briefly, if he'd go to England with her for her sister's wedding and they could somehow convince Alice and Frank to stay behind. Lily didn't know why, but she felt like if she got him alone enough, he'd open up completely to her.

A few paparazzi were waiting outside Lily's door, including the awful Rita Skeeter who started shoving her microphone in Lily's face the moment she stepped outside. Lily used the hoodie of her sweatshirt to cover her face from the cameras while she crossed the street to her car. It was a brand-new car, one she'd hardly driven. They had to switch cars every week so people couldn't track the license plate.

"Lily!" Rita's voice shrilled, "viewers want to know if you're really on drugs for your anxiety!"

James made a resentful noise, shooting Lily a 'can you believe this shit?' kind of glare. He elbowed Rita and her microphone out of the way as Lily got into the driver's seat. Lily closed her door, locking it right away. She heard James bellowing at Rita Skeeter to move out of his way as he got into the passenger side of the solid black car. Behind James, fans with cell phones were waving and screaming her name. As far as Lily was concerned, her fans were the only ones she'd acknowledge. Lily waved once at them once before starting the car.

James double locked all the doors the moment he got inside safely.

"God, I hate that woman." James said as Lily pulled the car into the street and amongst the New York City traffic.

"She's the worst." Lily agreed, putting on her sunglasses and tapping the car GPS, "luckily, she has no idea where we're going."

"Amen." James said, leaning back in the passenger seat and throwing his hands behind his head, "none of them do."

Lily hummed as she typed into the GPS, her eyes switching between the screen and the road. James put his own sunglasses on, and he yawned, as though he were content. His relaxed state made Lily smiled to herself as she switched on the car Bluetooth so that her phone would start playing music. Bastille rang through the car and James turned his head to look at her.

"You like Bastille?" he questioned.

"I _like_ everything." she corrected, "I don't understand why people think they need to like one genre of music."

"I know," he said, "I've just never heard you play them before and recently you've been into Ingrid Michealson."

"She's an amazing songwriter." Lily couldn't help but look at him when they reached a red light, "I wish I had her talent."

James snorted, "you do, Red."

"I mean, I know I can write songs but," she sighed as the light turned green, "Ingrid uses such an 80's synthetic pop vibe that I'd love to do one day."

"Then why don't you?" James asked her, clearly puzzled.

"Because." Lily turned her blinker on to switch lanes as she explained, "people don't really like change and that'd be a big change from my normal music."

"Some change," he leaned over to pinch her arm through her sweatshirt, "is good."

"Tell that to the investors on my label," Lily laughed, sending James an affectionate look, "they don't fancy the risk."

"Fuck the label." he scoffed.

She laughed again, "Oh yeah?" she saw his smile and her knees went weak, "says the man who's scared of a work contract."

"I'm not scared of a work contract," James took his sunglasses off and chucked them at her, making Lily squeal, "I just really like having a job."

"So do I." Lily said with a smirk, "which is why I don't fuck with the label and you don't fuck with your contract."

"Right." he rolled his eyes, "compare my _only_ job to your label, who literally would be nothing without you."

Suddenly, Lily's phone went off. Since Alice was sick, no one asked for her to return it, so she'd kept it to take pictures with. The name was familiar and she jumped to answer.

"Minerva!" Lily said cheerily.

"Hi Minerva!" James said, knowing she was on speaker.

"Oh," Minerva's voice flooded the car, "sorry, Lily, I thought we were having another session today."

"We were," Lily promised, "sorry, I forgot."

"What she means to say," James said loudly, "is that she spent all night writing and now wants to go upstate on some hiking adventure."

"Hiking adventure?" Minerva sounded amused, "don't you hate exercise, Lily?"

"Well hiking isn't exercise, per say." Lily could practically feel James laughing beside her, "it's more like, leisurely walking in a forest doing forest things."

"There you have it," James was laughing so hard he was having trouble talking, "the Lily Evans definition of hiking. _Walking in a forest doing forest things_."

"Well," it sounded like Minerva was laughing too as Lily hit James' shoulder roughly, "it sounds like you two are having a good day."

James laughter slowed and Lily smiled, feeling a slight blush form as she answered Minerva, "we are, and it's only just begun."

Minerva didn't pry further, instead wishing them both a good day.

"Oh!" Lily said, before she hung up, "I have to come to England soon, I hope we can finally meet."

"Of course." Minerva said, "James owes me a whiskey anyways."

They hung up and Lily shot James a questioning look, "you owe your therapist a whiskey?"

Surprisingly, a little flush rose on his ears, "Yeah she, erm, she won a bet."

She could tell James didn't want to say more so she turned up the music and sang along to the voices of other singers. James sang too, but he was right when he said that he was god awful at it. As he tried to sing along to_ Green Day_, she was leaning into the steering wheel dying laughing.

"Stop!" she begged as he only continued going higher on the notes, "James! My ears! Please!"

He was laughing too, the sound interrupting his attempts to sing. He rolled down one of the windows and started screaming the lyrics as the car raced down a quiet country road. The leaves had started showing off, dazzling colors of red, gold and yellow. Lily gave in, rolling down her own window screaming along to _Wake Me Up When September Ends_ with James. The crisp autumn air was cutting through her sweatshirt as they sang in the car, getting lost upstate.

They only stopped singing once Lily turned onto the road that led into downtown Woodstock. The shops and storefronts hadn't changed, even after all the years Lily had been away. Lily and James grew still as they settled into the quiet that the little town evoked. Lily followed signs until she reached the parking lot right outside the trail to Kaaterskill Falls.

"Ready to hike?" he asked her, smiling just like he'd been in old photographs.

Lily nodded profusely at James, soaking in his sunshine smile. She hardly noticed the other families and couples, too busy smiling at James' side as they started up the trail. She might've misjudged how easy the trail had been when she was younger and probably a little more fit. She struggled when it turned into an uphill battle.

James kept himself at her pace, his hand occasionally brushing against hers as they looked at all the trees glowing golden beneath the sun. For the most part, Lily and James were alone on the trail, only passing avid hikers and a few college students with their dogs. No one stopped them and each step was pulling Lily closer to James. She almost ran into a log because she was too busy looking over at him while he talked about Christmas movies he watched as a kid. James laughed at her as she stumbled, and she responded by shoving him. James balanced against her push, looking her up and down like she was trouble.

"You won't win this fight." he advised, "so don't start."

Lily, loving when James got playful, purposely mouthed off to him was she walked away. She was rewarded for her game when he grabbed her around the middle and lifted her off the ground. She screeched out bells of laughter as he spun her in a circle gawkily. He dropped her as quickly as he'd grabbed her, leaning a little too heavy on his bad leg. She watched as he winked and then started jogging away from her. She tried to keep up but that only made him throw his head back laughing.

"How the fuck are you so fit!" she nagged as she tried jogging after him, "Fuck! I have one more leg that you!"

He just kept laughing as he jogged backwards, uphill, with hardly any trouble. She noticed that despite how fit he was, sometimes he stepped wrong and he wobbled a bit of his bad leg. The only made her feel a microscopic bit better about herself. When she slowed to a walk, heaving like a horse, James stopped running. He waited, allowing Lily to catch up. When she finally did she pretended to collapse in his arms.

"Carry me."

He shoved her off, "I'm not carrying you."

"Oh, come on!" she grinned, coming at him again, "what about hashtag jily?"

James frowned and flipped her hat off her head in annoyance, "I think you told your fans to make that stupid name up."

"I did not!"

She flipped James off just as another family rounded the corner with two teen girls. Instead of walking past them like other groups, the girls recognized Lily since James knocked her hat off. They looked between Lily and James for a moment, before breaking out into simultaneous gasps. Lily lowered her hand behind her back and James took a good two steps away from her, picking up her hat.

Lily tried not to wince as she offered the girls a smile, "hullo!"

"Lily Evans," one of the girls grabbed her mum, "mum that's Lily Evans!"

"Can we get a picture Lily?" the other girl requested, her blue eyes optimistic, "please! We're your biggest fans! We saw you twice during your Roses tour!"

"Thank you," Lily said kindly, looking behind her at James before looking back at the girls, "it means a lot that you'd pay to go twice."

"Hannah and Blaire want to be dancers when they grow up," the mum bragged for her two teen daughters, "they dance to your music a lot."

Lily smiled wider, trying to look more enthused despite being disappointed that her time with James was disturbed, "thank you, girls."

One of the girls had her phone out, "so, can we get a picture?"

Lily chewed on her lip. Lily knew that one picture wouldn't change much. She motioned to the girls with her hands.

"One pictures, really quick," she said, "James and I need to finish the hike."

Hannah stared at James wonderingly as she melted into Lily's hug, "Are you dating him?"

"No," Lily hated that she was telling the truth, "no, we're just really good friends."

"Oh," Hannah looked disenchanted as she turned to smile for the camera her mother was holding.

Both girls thanked Lily profusely after Lily was done taking a few photos, since the first two didn't turn out how the girls wanted. Lily waved at the family before she James continued up the trail. James knocked shoulders with her as they crossed a small stream.

"You made their day."

Lily shrugged, "one picture wasn't going to make or break our day away from the city."

"No," he agreed, "but you could've easily said no."

"They're the reason I've gotten everything I ever wanted." Lily said sensitively, "I never want to become so disillusioned to this life, that I stop appreciating my fans."

"I don't think you have it in your capacity to stop being appreciative for what you were given." His voice was so soft she almost didn't hear him, "you're a good person, Red."

James looked down at his feet as they continued their hike. At one point he pulled out a granola bar and they split in half as they climbed the ridge and came to an overlook of a waterfall. The water splashed down high from above and was close enough that they could feel the spray on their faces. Lily was panting from all the hiking, but the waterfall was worth it.

"Nature is unbelievable." James said in awe.

"It really is." She agreed, turning to look at him.

He leaned against the rocky overlook, hazel eyes staring up at the falling water. Three little birds passed over his head as he stared out at nature, completely transfixed. Lily couldn't stop herself from grabbing her phone, turning on the voice recorder and singing a line that popped into her head as she watched him.

"_One little bird, two little birds, three. What's it like to be so free?_"

The voice recorder stopped, and James looked down at her, tilting his head, "new song?"

"_I wish I were a bird_," she sang as she leaned against the rocky wall beside him, "_with_ _no fear of flying._"

"Me too."

He was staring exclusively at her, making it hard to appreciate the white water rushing down the side of the cliff. Sunlight filtered through the trees behind his head, forming a yellow and red leaf halo that only made him more attractive. She knew they weren't alone, there were other people standing around, and that's the only reason she didn't kiss him.

That, and the fact that he said it wasn't the time for them. Lily disagreed, but kept her thoughts and opinions to herself, turning to songwriting to let out the feelings. As they walked back down to the car, she found herself humming a tune that was desperate for lyrics. James walked quietly beside her, seeming to have more trouble walking down than up.

They picked a small drive thru on the side of the road to eat at. Lily got chicken tenders and fries and they shared the meal while sitting in the trunk of her car, watching the sun turn into the moon. When the fries grew cold and the dark air was making their breath come out as smoke, they finally retreated back to their seats. Lily drove them home happily, asking James questions that didn't have meaning but somehow meant so much.

"Best christmas present you ever got?"

"My Manchester United jersey signed by all the players."

"I know nothing about sports," Lily ticked off, "First kiss?"

James leaned his head against the seat and looked at her with sparkling eyes, "Rebecca McNealson." He said, "was yours that git Roosevelt?"

"No," Lily sneered, "Taylor Lautner."

"He sounds awful."

Lily was back to grinning as she skipped to the next question, "favorite color?"

"I like purple a lot."

"Favorite book?"

"_Mockingjay_."

Lily looked at him for a moment, taking her eyes off the road, "_Mockingjay_? As in _The Hunger Games_?"

James shrugged, "have you ever read it? It's got a great portrayal of PTSD."

"You know I was featured on the soundtrack, right?"

"No way!"

And the night continued with both of them rattling off answers to questions. They got into the house, finding the Frank and Alice had left a note. Alice was taking the night off and Frank was going to stay with her. Lily was ecstatic to have James to herself all night but, after a long day of hiking, they fell asleep on the couch. Lily woke up with her head on his shoulder around midnight, so she lightly shook him awake and they both stumbled off to their own beds.

Sirius flew in the next afternoon, arriving to find Lily and James at work in the kitchen. James was making French Toast and Lily was frying some bacon. Although she'd slept for the first half of the night, she woke up around four with nightmares and she didn't go back to sleep. James came out of his room around eight in the morning, looking just as tired as she felt.

Lily wondered if either of them would ever sleep soundly again.

Once they cleaned up brunch, Lily, Sirius and James all went to the studio downtown. Lily was nervous to perform _Fearlessly Red_ in front of James, seeing as she wrote it for him and about him. Still, she pulled the piano into the recording booth, set up a mic, and started singing the first verse.

She watched James through the window, noticed how he wasn't paying attention to the song, not really, until she started singing the chorus. The piano keys hit differently, setting a heart-stricken tone. Lily practically cried out the lyrics, pouring her soul into the music.

"_The bombs went off and they're taking a toll. I can feel the fire forming down deep in my soul and, baby I'm screaming at you 'don't let me go' so, don't let me go_."

James' expression shifted, his hazel eyes growing wide as her fingers flew across the piano keys. Lily kept lifting her head up as she played. She hated seeing the pain on his face, knowing she was causing it.

"_I can't even walk without having to fall. You always around catch me, answering my call. I wish we could start over with a clean slate, but I know it's just too little, too late_."

The melody let up, easing into a soft lullaby for the bridge, something she'd sang to herself every night since the lyrics first flew onto paper.

"_I'm a paper doll all taped together,_" she sang, "_you're a beautiful mosaic of broken parts, forever._"

Her heart ached to hug James when she saw him flinch at those lyrics. His hands were pale against Sirius' shoulder as they both watched her spill her heart out to the microphone. She thought she saw him look angrily down at his leg, almost like it was causing him discomfort.

"_Your smile's got me believing_…" she smiled at James and she was relieved when the corners of his firm mouth tilted up at bit, "_and your love, it stops the bleeding_…."

Sirius' gaze was drawing back and forth between Lily and James, as if just realizing the song was about them. Sirius' jaw dropped and then he looked as if Christmas had come early. Sirius said something to James she couldn't hear. James didn't answer.

Lily finished up the bridge, "_I'm fearlessly yours, Red_."

The last chorus was nothing to Lily, as she stared into James' eyes. She missed a key, fumbled over the last note and then sat still in her chair all so she didn't miss the emotions fluttering across his face. She wanted to run to him, to ask him if he liked it. James said something to Sirius and walked out of the studio, leaving Lily to wonder what on earth was going through his mind.

Lily took her headphones off and left to recording booth, Sirius grabbed her hand to keep her from going after James.

"Easy there Lily, " Sirius said, "give him some space."

"Was he mad?" she asked, upset, "I didn't know it'd make him mad!"

"He's not mad!"

"He just stormed out of here!"

"You just proclaimed your love to him in a song!" Sirius shot back.

"So what," Lily pushed her fingers into her hair, "he doesn't feel the same way?"

"You're daft if that's the reason you think he ran out." Sirius leaned against her, "He really cares about you, you know that right?"

Lily bit her lip, staring at the door James had slammed shut, "Are you _sure_?"

"I've never seen anyone look at you the way James looks at you."

"How does he look at me?"

"Like he's afraid he's gonna lose you."

James had the night off and for the first time, he took it, leaving the penthouse altogether. Lily sat in her room, alone, aware that he was upset with her despite what Sirius had said. Lily wished that Sirius had been able to stay for a bit and keep her company, but he was needed back in LA. The only thing keeping Lily company that night was Juniper, who curled up against Lily's side as she watched _Stranger Things_ for the fifteenth time.

At quarter past four in the morning, there was a knock at her door. Lily rolled out of bed and opened the door up to find James standing there, hand fisted in his hair. He was wearing a white shirt and jeans, a far cry from his usually black ensemble. Lily stared at him through the crack in her door, eyes wary.

"I think it's beautiful." he blurted out, "your song."

"Thank you." she held onto her glimmer of hope.

James' jaw clenched and he swallowed thickly before saying, "I spent all night on the phone with Minerva."

She opened up her door a little more, "oh?"

"She thinks I ought to tell you…"

"Tell me what?"

James took a deep breath, "your song made me cry."

She opened up her door all the way, letting the hallway light flood her room, "I didn't mean to-"

"I know," he looked beside himself, "I know you didn't Lily."

"You just looked so mad," she said fretfully, "and you ignored me the rest of the day!"

James grabbed her hand, an action that spoke louder than words, "I knew how you felt, but it still caught me by surprise, I'm only human."

"What's so surprising about how I feel?" she took his hand and pinned it to her heart, "I've been totally honest with you for weeks."

"Minerva said it best," James tucked his other hand under her chin, "you have a way of seeing beauty in people, even and perhaps most especially, when they can't see it for themselves."

"You don't think you're beautiful?" she asked, troubled by his self-doubt.

James ripped his hand from her chin to ruffle his hair endearingly, "I told you, I'm working on me."

Lily stared up at him tenderly, "I'm working on me too."

"Wanna work together?" James' hand fell from his hair and he brushed his knuckles along her cheek, "come work out with me this morning?"

She surprised them both when she said "Okay."

She got on her workout clothes and met James in the gym. He was running on the treadmill already, shirt off and back muscles displayed for the world to see. He wasn't overly buff like most guys tried to be, he was too tall and lean for that, but he was still nice to look at. He spotted her in the mirror and waved her over, hopping off his treadmill.

"What are we doing?" Lily asked, eyeing the treadmill warily, "you know I can't run for shit."

His eyes sparkled as he recalled all her failed attempts, "I know you can't Red." he pointed to a set of five-pound weights on the ground, "which is why we're going to do strength training with you."

James actually made it fun, creating games and making her laugh as she attempted her first work out in years. When she was done, he hugged her and told her she did amazing. Lily held onto his hug, not wanting it to ever end. She stared at their reflection in the mirrors, noticing the way he towered over her like a brick wall. She pressed her cheek into his chest, skin to skin. Her fingers traced the little scars on his back, making him tense under her touch.

"Let's get you some real food." he said, prying himself from her grasp, "I'm cutting you off Ramen noodles."

"James," she instantly argued, "you can't!"

"I can!" he said as he tugged her down the hallways of her penthouse, "and I will! You're going on a diet!"

"I'm already skinny enough as it is." Lily said pointedly, thinking once more of her sickly complexion.

"Exactly," he said, "you need to eat more protein."

"What are you now?" she teased, "my fitness instructor?"

"Yes." He said as he pulled her into the kitchen, "now, let's teach you how to boil an egg."

She tried to get into a routine, James at her side every step of the way. She forced herself to get out of bed and follow James' lead every morning. Any morning she resisted, James practically carried Lily out of bed ignoring her objections and Juniper's protests.

As he ran on her treadmill, she did sit ups and yoga. In the afternoon she forced herself into the kitchen and James taught her how to make real food. He was a really good cook, and a patient teacher every time she burned another meal.

One night, after she'd finished doing a huge photoshoot with Disney for Piper, Lily collapsed into bed and actually fell asleep right away. She was thrown awake by a nightmare halfway through the night, but it wasn't her nightmare. The strangled shriek was coming from across the hall in James' room. Without a second thought, Lily jumped out of bed and raced across the hall, throwing open the door to his room to find him with his head between his knees.

"James."

She stumbled blindly for him, falling at his feet and grabbing his face, forcing him to look into her eyes. The darkness blanketed them, but she could still see the fear in his face. She didn't have to ask him what he was dreaming about. She slowly stood up, only to settle beside him in the bed just like he'd done for her during the thunderstorm in LA.

"Lily no," his voice was faint, "we can't do this again."

She ignored him and grabbed his shoulder, "I'm not leaving you."

He sighed but he didn't argue, his forehead falling against hers weakly, "what about Alice and Frank?"

"They won't come upstairs to the bedrooms until morning." She smoothed back his fringe, "I'll make myself scarce before they come up for the shift change." she guided him to a laying down position, "no one has to know."

"What about-"

"James." Lily warned, "I'm staying with you, okay?"

She leaned into him, draping her hand across his chest. They stared at each other through the darkness, noses almost touching. Lily dug her feet into the blankets for warmth and knocked against James' foot. She realized it was the first time he'd ever not worn his brace around her. She cuddled in closer and placed her chin on his shoulder. He moved, shifting so his hand could reach up and caress her face.

"God, if you only knew how much I want you to stay with me, every night."

"I can."

"We'd get caught eventually."

Lily smiled at him in the dark, "Fuck the contract."

He only laughed a little, his head burying into the pillows, "I know, fuck the contract, but if I do that, I'll lose you." He licked his lips, "I don't want to lose you."

She leaned against him, her fingers tracing across his bare chest. She hummed a melody melodiously and his fingers reached over to touch her cheek again.

"Sing me to sleep?" he asked.

She did as James wished, singing to him softly until he was snoring into the pillow and she was left alone to face the realization that Sirius had been right. James did worry about losing her. Her fingers dragged through his curls, waking him up slightly. She pressed her lips to his cheek, warily giving him what affection that she could, all without upsetting him. She sang again, letting her voice bounce against the walls. The moment he'd fallen asleep again, she pulled away and curled her knees to her chest.

She couldn't help thinking about how different it was to love someone like James, who hardly loved himself. Before James, she'd only dated self-indulgent takers. Takers like Steven, who'd loved every inch of himself and who took out all his problems out on her.

James was different, he had confidence but at the same time he didn't have any. She wanted to help him with his problems, but he acted like he had to face them alone. He made her dinner and taught her new games. James carried her groceries and, lately, she was always laughing despite the darkness that settled in at night.

He'd taken his time to memorize her fears, her hopes and dreams. She just liked hanging out with him and she wanted to do it all the time. There had been so many times that someone with an ounce of sense would've left her alone. So many instances where someone would've proclaimed her 'too much' to handle. All those times that James didn't leave, made her want to make him stay longer.

She loved James and she didn't want to lose him either. That's why she made herself roll away from him in the middle of the night despite how badly she wanted to stay. She had to make sure no one suspected how much she really needed him, for fear that they'd take him away from her.

On one particularly windy October day, Lily finished her morning workout with James. Her stomach was rumbling as she stretched and was craving cupcakes from her favorite bakery uptown. She kicked out at James humorously as he stretched beside her.

"What?" he asked.

"Would you be totally opposed to getting cupcakes with me?"

James rolled his eyes at her sweet tooth, "you had ice cream last night."

"You said I need more protein." She pointed out, "There's protein in milk, and milk in ice cream _and_ cupcakes."

James was more than happy to go for a walk, and so they headed uptown for cupcakes and coffee. Orange and red leaves scattered the ground and Lily purposely stepped on them as she danced along the sidewalk. James chuckled at her as she found a pile and jumped on it.

"You're such a kid."

"Don't act like you're too cool to step on crunchy leaves." Lily teased her bodyguard, "We both know you're not that cool."

"You don't think I'm cool?"

"No."

"Wrong," but he was smiling, his hands shoved in his pockets as he walked at her side, "I'm cool, Red."

Lily looked up at him, loving the way the wind made his curls fall into his face. His cheeks were red from the cold and his eyes were looking around for trouble. Lily touched his hand and he immediately looked down at her. His eyes left as soon as she'd looked, nervous from her kindness, like he didn't let her touch him like that when it was dark.

"Why do you continue to call me that?" she asked him as they continued walking up the block, "Red? I lost the sunburn a while ago."

James snickered, "yeah, you're back to your ghostly self."

"Then why, Red?" she walked at his side comfortably, her head bent against the wind.

"You're so fiery and passionate about everything." he illuminated, "and your hair is as red as it comes-I mean—I would think my nickname was obvious."

"I guess." She twirled her scarf in her hands, "I just thought it was you teasing me."

"I'm _always_ teasing you."

Lily stepped closer to him as the wind cut through her jacket and scarf, "But you think I'm fiery and passionate?"

James scratched his neck, "I guess."

"Don't play coy with me, James Potter," Lily shook her finger at him, "What do you think of me now, if not fiery and passionate?"

James stopped walking and she stopped with him. They were standing under the eaves of an old church, his hazel eyes tracing her face vigilantly. Then, one of his hands lifted carefully to brush her hair from her face when the wind blew it into her eyes.

"I think," he said quietly, "I think your stubbornness is adorable and the way you hum when you're working is mesmerizing. I think that you feel so much at once, it turns your cheeks redder than a cherry. I think you get jealous more often than you like to admit. You anger easily but you love fearlessly. My nickname just becomes even more perfect for you with each passing day."

"Is that right?" Lily felt the blush he mentioned creep onto her cheeks, "Just another reason you'll call me Red for the rest of my life? What about Lily?"

James' hands were back in his pockets as he stared down at her, glasses crooked on his nose, "Red is on both ends of the spectrum, just like you."

"What spectrum," she scoffed.

He swore, "_Red_, the color correlates with emotions."

"What emotions?"

"On one end you got happiness, falling in love, passion and all that," she watched his gaze intensify, "On the other end, you've got anger, obsession, fear and frustration."

She leaned closer to him, the wind whipping her hair across her cheek, "And you think I'm all those things?"

James' fingers crushed against hers, "I think we're all a mixture of our insatiability and generosity, loyalty and self- preservation, pragmatism and impulsiveness."

"When did you get so wise?" Lily asked when she couldn't think of what else to say.

Before he could answer there was a click of a camera. A woman and a man were watching them, only steps away. The woman was writing on her pad furiously, Lily recognized her immediately as Rita Skeeter. The man took another picture and Lily realized they were _spying_ on Lily and James. James cursed, grabbed her hand, and started running.

"Wait Lily!" the stranger bellowed, "Did you dump Steven for this man? Who is he, really, if not your bodyguard? Readers want to know!"

When James and Lily didn't stop, Rita sent her cameraman after them. The man was swift on his feet, like a weasel, and he followed them. His camera was clicking all the way down the block. James cursed as he turned them into an alleyway with no exit. Before the man could catch them, James pulled Lily in a dark, small space between a dumpster and the alley wall to shake the man off.

They were both breathing deeply, Lily's hands buried in the thick winter jacket James was wearing and she pressed him closer when she heard someone outside the alley. There wasn't much space between them. Lily's back was pressed against the wall and James was leaning into her. His hands were on either side of her head, clasped against the wall and keeping her face blocked from the light.

"I'm sorry they found us."

James said 'us' and Lily's heart couldn't help but soar knowing that he thought of them as a package deal.

"It's fine," she said back, her chest rising and falling rapidly against his, "I don't care."

They were looking at each other soundlessly, the tension between them nothing short of electric. It was the sort of feeling she'd used to write love songs about. James leaned around the dumpster, seeing if the coast was clear.

"James."

He brought his finger to her lips in a '_shhh'_ motion just as the man with the camera rounded into the dead-end alley. He was panting too, looking lost. James pushed against her, asserting her into the wall in a way that only had her fingers grasping his jacket more anxiously. Her head fell against the brick and she stared up at his face, both of them desperate not to get caught again.

The camera man, Rita Skeeter's weasel, looked around for a few seconds. Lily saw him studying the darkness with beady eyes through the cracks in the wall. He must've decided they'd escaped because he turned around and ran in the opposite direction. James didn't loosen his hold on her, in fact he wasn't even watching the man leave. Instead, James was mesmerized by her and looking down at Lily's lips like he wanted to kiss her.

She hoped he finally would.

"I think the coast is clear now." she whispered. "We could leave."

"Yeah. we could."

He was still looking at her lips. Neither Lily nor James made a move to go. Lily reached up to adjust his glasses on his nose. He put his lips close to hers, making sure they didn't touch. She could feel his breath hot against her skin. She was practically begging for him to close the small space between them. The big wide city rose up around them like a shelter from the press and the media, and with him looking her so intently, she felt like they had the city all to themselves.

"I want you," she declared, "more than just as a friend."

Pain was etched across his face at her confession, "What do you want me to say?"

"Say you want me too," she said, "no one can hear us. Not here."

James' hand brushed her cheek delicately, "I-I _can't_."

"Why not?" She held his hand to her cheek, unwilling to let him stop touching her so intimately, "Come on, just say it. I can see it in your eyes."

"_Lily_."

He said her name, her real name, with a kind of brokenness that made her lose everything all at once.

She said pointedly as his fingers caressed her face, "you hold me like you want to say it." Her eyes glazed deeply into his, "so just do it."

"Lily, I don't want to hurt you." He looked helpless, "every time I look at you, I feel like I'm coming undone. Every time you touch me…_God_…the other night when you kissed me when you thought I was sleeping…it's all killing me!"

"I couldn't help it!" she tugged at him, "I want you. Every second. Everyday. Those feelings just get stronger the more we're together."

"But why me?" he looked close to tears.

"Why _not_ you?" she moaned, "we're perfect for each other!"

"I'm no one special," he muttered, looking down, "I'm invisible, and everyone knows who you are."

"You're not invisible to _me_." Her fingers gripped his jacket harder, "_Please_, tell me I'm not crazy and that you want me too."

James fell away from Lily before she could kiss him, his hands in his hair instead of around her body. His twisted to looked her up and down treacherously. She frowned, her back slumping against the wall as James checked his watch.

"We'd better go," he said, "it's Sunday so the cupcake place closes in an hour."

Lily sighed as she pushed herself off the brick wall and followed James back into the city streets. The wind slashed like a knife between them, chilling Lily to the bone despite the fire she'd felt when he'd held her so close. She ate her cupcake in silence, avoiding his stare. She avoided him aptly until they were alone on a bench in the subway. His hand reach between them, squeezing her wrist. She looked at him, hope fluttering through her.

James' eyes were a warm hazel when he confessed, "I want it too."

And behind his eyes she could see it, the pain and the struggle he had admitting how much he wanted her. Lily scooted closer so that their hands were covered by her scarf. She held on tightly to him until she was forced to let go to get on the subway. Some girls spotted her, and Lily spent the rest of the ride home signing autographs and taking pictures.

It was agony not to touch him as they made their way back to the penthouse. It was absolute torture not to grab his hands as the passed the computer room and Frank waved at them. When her bedroom door finally shut, Lily and James were left alone. There were no cameras, no people and no prying eyes who could take him away from her.

She stared up at him and she stared down at her, "why are you fighting it?"

"Lily," the pain was back in his voice, "what do you _really_ want from me?"

"Nothing." _Everything_.

He touched her cheek, "if my boss finds out…I'm done…it's over…"

She tried to find a solution, "you could do something else?"

"What?" he wrenched out of her grasp again, "Red, I only got this job because of Frank. I owe Moody for everything, including you."

"How so?"

"If he hadn't of hired me," James swallowed, "I wouldn't have been the one to carry you off that stage."

"You act like this is fate." She knew his loyalty ran deep but she wasn't expecting him to tell her that it was one of the major reasons he was holding back, "but this doesn't have to be this big ordeal, I can help you with money until you find another job."

"I don't want another job." He looked frustrated.

"What do you want?" she asked scathingly.

"You!" he said, "I want _you_!"

"I want you too." She grabbed his hands when they fell, "so kiss me."

"No," he stepped into her, "If Frank or Alice ever even get the idea that you and I…it's over. I'll be reassigned. Do you understand? I'd go protect someone else! They'd assign you some blockhead from Moody's office and your life would go on, but I'd be_—I'd be—_nevermind."

Lily's lower lip wobbled, "don't you ever think," she asked dejectedly, "that I'd forget you so easily."

James shook his head miserably, "you would."

"How do you _know_?" she demanded, trying to get through his thick skull that she never will forget him, as long as she lived.

"I just do." He said, pushing past her to lean on her bedframe, "you did just fine without me before, you said so yourself when we first met."

"I lied!" she shouted at him and he turned on his heel, stunned by her outburst, "I was lost before I met you! I didn't know who I wanted to be or where I wanted to go!"

"And you do now?" he quirked an eyebrow.

"No!" she threw her hands in the air, "but for fucks sake, you make me so happy James. So _unbelievably_ happy!"

James looked like he was choking on his own words, "Lily," he said her name again and it was like a hallelujah, "you can do so much better than me and _that's_ why I'm being so stubborn about this."

"I don't know anyone better for _me_ than _you_." She said through her tears, "Why can't you see? You and I? We're meant to be."

James shook his head wretchedly, "I don't want you to ever—I could never—"

"I know you aren't ready to give up everything for me." She claimed, passing him with a slight shoulder brush and glance back, "but just know that whenever you're ready, I'll be right here, waiting."

She picked up her guitar, climbed into her bed and started playing. She didn't move or say anything when James fell to the floor, picking up Juniper and petting her noiselessly. They stayed silent, Lily writing and James just sulking. He finally got up and left with a very quick goodbye, she thought she heard him in the kitchen around one in the morning, but she didn't want to go check.

She made herself and her standing clear, it was up to James to do the rest.

* * *

**Next Time: **

"Put on a mask and no one will know," he threw a masquerade mask in her direction, "It's Halloween, you're not staying here."

James looked like he'd rather face a firing squad than go to a club in the middle of Manhattan on Halloween. Lily had to agree with him, if only because neither of them liked crowds or parties.


	10. White Horse

The end of October gave New York City a whole new meaning to 'the city that never sleeps' considering Lily was too worried to sleep at night. She was worried about going home for Petunia's wedding because it would be the first time that she'd seen Petunia since the Manchester accident. If she did fall asleep, she kept dreaming about Manchester, which made Lily want to avoid sleeping at all. If Lily didn't sleep, then her mind just drifted to her problems with James who, for all intents and purposes, was acting like nothing had happened between them.

Altogether, the city was windy and miserable but that didn't stop James from leaving Lily to spend his mornings alone for a whole week. He said he was going to go for a run in Central Park, leaving Lily to believe he wanted nothing to do with her. _If_ the press hadn't taken to hanging outside her door and _if_ she could run farther than to the café across the street…Lily might've gone with him out of spite. Instead, she sat on her sofa and watched Netflix. Six days after their altercation in the bedroom, James finally came into her room one morning and nudged her awake.

"_Mmffppt_." Lily rolled over moodily, her eyes meeting James' as she turned, "what?"

"Come on," he nudged her again, "you can't just go back to laying around."

"I _like_ laying around."

"Don't make me pull you out of bed." James crossed his arms, staring down at her.

"Empty threat."

He pulled back her comforter, eliciting a protesting squeal. She glared up at him, her fingers reaching to pull her covers back up but as she was, James leaned down and took her ankles, dragging them off the mattress. He was laughing amid her complaints and Juniper jumped off the bed to escape the war happening as Lily tried to wiggle out of James' grasp. Her feet touched the floor and her whole body just slid to the floor until her ass hit the ground and she was left staring up at him with the biggest glare.

James ignored Lily and instead, walked over to her large wooden dresser, going through it. He threw a pair of her leggings at Lily before telling her to get dressed and meet him in the gym. Lily cursed him, his stupid face and his stupid pigheadedness. Nonetheless, she pulled on her leggings and threw her hair up into a bun.

A part of Lily was interested in what had made James want to work out with her that day, since he'd been aptly avoiding the gym with Lily for almost a week. When she got to the gym, James was talking to Alice in the doorway. Lily slipped past her two bodyguards, getting on the treadmill to start walking.

"How are you feeling Alice?" Lily asked her other bodyguard while she made a show of putting on her air pods.

Alice looked up from her conversation with James, cheeks rosy, "fine, thanks Lily."

"Your stomach bug over?"

"yes, thank God." Alice smiled, "I haven't thrown up like that since I got food poisoning in Germany."

"Well I'm glad you're feeling better." Lily said, "James and I missed you."

Something like intuition flickered in Alice's eyes, "I'm sure you did." then she turned back to James, "Anyways, Peter Pettigrew's coming by on Halloween for a meeting with Lily."

"He is?" Lily and James' wonder was evident in their melodious harmony.

"Yes, and _you_," Alice poked James in his chest lightheartedly, "need to stay scarce."

James pulled a face, "why?"

"Peter's apparently still pissed about the night of the award show." Alice said, "when we took Lily home early."

"What?" James yelped, "he's the one who forced Lily to perform!"

"No one _forced_ Lily to do anything." Alice said, nudging her foot against James' carefully, "and besides, you're already extra protective of her."

Lily was glad to see something like a blush appear on his cheeks. James looked Lily's way and she sent him an upturned nose and a deliberate smile. He winced at her cynicism before turning back to Alice. Lily didn't care that she was being difficult, in fact she rather thought he deserved it.

"I'm only as protective of Lily as any of her _friends_ would be." James said stubbornly, as per usual, "Besides you said you wouldn't let her back on the stage either!"

Alice's face flicked with dubious mistrust, "well, as _your_ friend, James, I'm telling you to make yourself scarce…unless you want Peter to call Moody again and get you reassigned."

Lily's head shot up and something like panic settled in her gut, but James eased her worries immediately.

"Fine." James, defeated by the prospect of being reassigned, leaned back against the wall, "I'll pretend not to care about her at all."

"You're already doing a great job at that." Lily muttered in his general direction.

James' expression was less than amused in the mirror, "start jogging, Evans."

Lily sent him the bird before pushing the treadmill numbers up to a slight jog. She put her music on but only at a lower setting so that she could still hear what James and Alice were saying.

"Listen, he doesn't like me either," Alice was trying to soothe James, "but he's her manager and therefore he makes the rules, okay?"

"Shouldn't _Lily_ make the rules?"

Alice swatted James' shoulder, "don't roll your eyes, soldier."

James kicked out at Alice with his good leg playfully, making the blond woman finally smile. Despite her rough, poised exterior, even Lily knew Alice was easily amused. She had a sort of humor that was easy to elicit if you knew her well enough. Alice punched James in the chest before waving at Lily.

"I'll see the both of you later!"

Lily pretended that she couldn't hear Alice so they didn't know she'd been spying. She could hear her feet pounding on the synthetic rubber mat below her feet. She breathed through her nose to hide her absolute anguish at jogging and the burn from it in her lungs.

James walked over to the treadmill and put his arms on the sides, adorably placing his chin on his forearms as he looked up at her while she jogged. Lily looked down at him, trying to keep her expression cold. It was hard when his hazel eyes were staring up at her so tenderly.

"Don't look at me like that." She said, panting.

"Like what?"

His grin slowly spread across his face and Lily shook her head, pointedly staring ahead. Suddenly James' hand reached across the treadmill and slowed then stopped the track. Lily looked down at him, bewildered as sweat ran down her forehead. Her bangs her plaster to her head and she was already tired without even having run a whole mile. She expected him to make fun of her, but she was startled when James took her hand, dragging her to the end of the track so she could hop off.

"What?" she colored under his powerful stare.

"I want to talk to you." he said, "and we can finally talk, because Frank isn't breathing down my neck and Alice just left for the day..."

Lily's eyes searched his face, looking for hints for what was about to come. She took a hesitant step towards him. The lift on her sneakers had her right at his chin but she still had to look up for his expressions. James licked his lips, his thumb tracing her wrist.

"Do you have any idea how I feel about you, Red?"

"No," she whispered back, "because you tell me you want me and then you just ignore me for a week."

James shook his head, "I feel bad about that," he said glumly, "I realized I was being as big a prick as Roosevelt."

"You're even worse," Lily said, "you call us _friends_."

James sighed, "You know why I do that."

Lily shrugged, "some weird irrational need to keep a job you don't need?"

James rolled his eyes, snorting and dropping her hand as if she'd offended him, "I don't even know why I bothered." he shot her a dejected look, "you're so-so-"

Lily crossed her arms, tapping her shoe on the ground, "so?"

James' left hand shot to his hair while he spat at her, "you're so _spoiled_."

Lily's jaw dropped, "excuse me?"

"Yeah," he stepped closer and she stepped back, dodging his ruthless advance, "you only keep seeing this situation from your point of view! Your whole life you've had everything handed to you and now, I'm not giving you what you want so you're angry and you're lashing out!"

He'd hit the nail on the head, and it killed Lily to know he was right. Still James couldn't say that Lily wasn't thinking about how he was affected by her lifestyle. She furiously wiggled her bottom lip as he knocked his shoulders with hers on his way to grab a jump rope. Lily stood, vulnerable, feeling like she was on fire from his accusations.

She turned slowly, facing James in the mirror. He was skipping rope, bending at the knees every time he landed back down from his jump. His hair was flying wild around his forehead and he was staring deliberately at his own reflection instead of hers. Lily took a deep breath before she started sticking up for herself.

"James." he didn't stop, "James Potter!"

The rope came to a smacking halt against the floor mat. James' shoulders were hunched as he turned leisurely. He stared at her through his lashes, looking discouraged. Lily fluffed her hair before she made her way over to him, stopping only a foot away from his defensive stance. Lily stared up at James with as much intensity in her gaze as there was in his own.

"You have no right calling me spoiled." she said slowly, "I know I'm privileged, I don't need you to tell me that but you can't use that as a excuse when you're mad because I was honest with you about how I felt! I don't know why the fuck you're so scared of being with me, but I don't ever want you to say I don't think about how all this affects you, James. I think about how my life impacts yours every second of the night when I can't sleep."

James was breathing heavily through his nose, growing more and more responsive as she talked. She didn't know how she was standing so close to him, when felt like she was worlds away. She tugged on the ends of her ponytail, cross with him.

"I know you're afraid that if someone catches us together, that you'll be reassigned," she reached out and he stayed away, "James! Stop! Even if that happened, _and it wouldn't_, I would follow you wherever they sent you."

"How can you do that?" he threw the rope to the ground, "Evans your life is meticulously planned, down to every second. I could get reassigned anywhere! Or, worse, I could be fired!"

Lily's whole body was trembling, "it's a stupid contract James!" she finally shouted, her voice echoing off the mirrored walls, "you don't need this job! Any place would be lucky to have you! _I'm_ lucky to have you!"

"I don't want to get reassigned to some other celebrity or lose this job!" he shouted back, "I don't want to lose you!"

"You won't lost me!"

He was shouting now too, helplessness floating between them, "The minute I got reassigned, some new and fit bloke would walk through that door downstairs and you'd forget all about me!"

Lily threw back her head with a mocking sound leaving her throat, "Oh, so that's it! You're jealous!"

"Jealous!" he growled, "I'm not _jealous_, I'm realistic Evans!"

"You're mad Potter!" she stomped her foot, "_nothing_ about what you're saying is realistic!"

"Oh, you don't think what I'm feeling is very realistic?"

"No!" she threw her hands up, "No one could hold a spotlight compared to you! How can you not _see_ that?"

"You don't understand!"

"What don't I understand?"

"You don't understand how I feel about you!" His hands flew to his hair and he turned to face her, away from the mirror he looked torn, "We can't, because I can't!"

"You _can't_ lose me!" she bawled back, "I'm yours, fearlessly, uninhibited! _Yours_!"

James reached across the space between them. He kissed her abruptly, his lips rough but warm against hers.

_Finally_.

Her eyes closed and her hands started digging into his hair to pull him down more. His hands grabbed her cheeks, pulling her up onto her tiptoes like they were dancing. With Lily's fingers in his hair and James' mouth hot against hers, she thought she might finally have gotten through to him. She felt breathless as he pressed closer, his lips adapting to her keen pull.

Then, James wrenched away from Lily suddenly, as if realizing what was happening.

Lily's eyes opened. She was one part thrilled and one part hurt as James shook himself. He backed up against the mirror wall as Lily stepped closer and he held out a hand to keep her at bay. Lily frowned meaningfully. She walked closer despite his undecided guise, reaching out to thread her fingers through his. He was still shaking his head, but it was too late, she was led blindly by the feel of his lips against hers.

"You won't lose me, and I won't lose you." she vowed, "I won't let any of them find out. I won't."

"Someone will find out eventually," he looked torn.

"No one can take what's _ours_, James."

James pulled from her fingers and brushed past her quickly, "I'm sorry, but we have to stay friends."

She grabbed his hand, holding it to her lips before she said, "I know you think you're wrong for me and that we'd never make it past the first page...but you haven't even given us a chance."

"I'm just not the knight in shining armor who's gonna sweep you off your feet and lead you up a stairwell." he said softly.

Lily sniffed, "I don't want a knight in shining armor, I just want someone who might actually treat me well."

"This is a big world, Red." he said, "you'll find someone someday."

"I already did." she sighed, "it's _you_."

"I wish we'd met in some other lifetime," He said, "I'd love to take your hand and dance with you in the kitchen late at night. I'd love to kiss you until you fell asleep. I'd love to be what you want me to be, but this isn't some Hollywood fairytale. This is real life, Evans."

"I want you." she nudged her nose against his, "for you."

"You don't want the bad parts." he promised her, eyes burning up under her gaze.

"See, you keep saying that, but I still don't buy it."

"Lily…that kiss was a mistake and I'm sorry."

He looked so damn sad.

He walked away, taking her heartbeat with him.

Lily's hands drew into her hair and she screamed audibly, falling onto the ground and kicking her legs out. Lily didn't even shyly try to get James to break from his resolve to stay platonic with her. She stopped wearing a shirt while they were working out, choosing instead to show off her figure as she did push-ups beside him. Thanks to James' cooking and his strength training, she'd gained five whole pounds. It wasn't much, but she noticed she had actual color in her cheeks now.

Sometimes, Lily stood in front of the mirror and saw a bit of herself in the reflection. Her hair had a glossier shine and her stomach protruded just a little after she ate a big dinner. In just a short time, he'd made such a difference on her mind, body and soul. Now if she could just get him to stop resisting her touch, her kiss and her need to keep his body close at night.

"I'm so happy you're feeling well," Minerva said on the phone when Lily called for a weekly session, "how are your nightmares?"

Lily cringed, those hadn't been solved by a good diet and working out with James. Lily leaned against the doorway to her loo and wrapped her fingers around a strand of hair. Outside her garden, she heard the busy New York streets preparing for All Hallows Eve.

"They're still here." she confessed, "I can't get rid of them."

Minerva sounded kindhearted on the other end of the phone, "it's okay," she said, "I don't expect those to just disappear altogether."

"But how much longer?" Lily asked, "I'd really like to get a full night's sleep."

"You sound like James," Minerva said fondly, "try playing music before you sleep. It will draw your thoughts to the sound, not your memories."

"Okay." Lily sighed, looking behind her shoulder to where her guitar was resting, "but music tends to only make my mind work more."

"I'm sorry," Minerva said, "sometimes I forget who you are, maybe try some sort of noise machine then? A nice ocean wave simulator does wonders."

Lily smiled despite herself, "as long as it's not thunderstorms..."

Her mind trailed away thinking of the last thunderstorm when James had gotten into her bed. She shot a miserable look to where his bedroom door was on the other side of her wall. He'd locked himself in his room a lot recently, seemingly determined not to touch her again. She knew he was beating himself up, but she didn't regret their argument, seeing as it led to a sort of breakthrough.

"Minerva?" Lily probed uncertainly, "how do you—I mean—you don't tell James what we talk about right?"

"Of course not." Minerva said firmly, "I'm confidential with all my clients."

Lily walked into her loo, sitting on the edge of the tub, "it's just, we kissed and that's all fine and grand, but he says we can't be together? All I want to do is be with James but he's so worried about some stupid contract and losing his job and like, I don't know! I was just hoping we'd fall together like in the movies when the girl finally admits she's in love with the guy and he carries her off into the sunset and they—"

"_He kissed you_?"

That was all Minerva happened to process from Lily's monologue.

"Yes!" Lily fell back into her empty tub melodramatically, "but we're still not together because he's got his walls built ten feet high and every time that I make a dent in abolishing them, he just rebuilds them taller!"

Minerva actually had the nerve to sound like she was smiling "You have no idea how far he's come."

"How far he's come since what?" Lily asked, annoyed, "the bomb?"

"Wait," Minerva sounded even more flabbergasted, "he told you about the bomb?"

"Yeah," Lily put her elbows on her knees, "and I know he's worried but I want to show him he can have _more_."

Minerva sounded slightly emotional, "oh Lily, all of humanity wants more. Everyone wants to be healthier than they already are or prettier. A lot of people want to be richer or more successful. Humanity is built upon the foundation of wanting _more_."

"_James_ doesn't want more." Lily said resentfully.

"For some people, _more_ just means _change_." Minerva educated Lily, "and for James, change has always been his Achilles' heel."

"Minerva he's being so stubborn." Lily crossed her legs on the tub edge, "he told me I was spoiled rotten and that I couldn't see his side, but I do!"

"Do you?" Minerva asked suspiciously, "do you one hundred percent know and understand where James is coming from?"

"Yes." Doubt trickled into Lily's mind, "well, I _think_ so. He's just so worried about _losing_ me. He thinks that I can't love him."

Minerva was quiet for a minute and then she asked, "Why does he think you're incapable of loving him?"

"He thinks we're too different," Lily let out air, "but we're not _that_ different!"

Minerva sounded like she was picking her words carefully, "Lily, James is a very complicated man. You could have easily upset him simply by exhibiting your love so fearlessly."

"That stupid." Lily said, crossing one arm over her chest, "how can _love_ upset anyone?"

"Haven't you ever asked him what his nightmares are about?"

"I mean," Lily frowned suddenly, "I always _assumed_ he dreamed about losing Remus."

"While his best friend is certainly someone that he loves," Minerva danced around the problem delicately, "he's lost so much more."

"His parents?"

"Lily," Minerva's voice was soft and calculated, "you cannot understand exactly where someone comes from. Not unless you've walked a mile in their shoes. In comparison, you've walked half of what James has."

Lily leaned her head against the cool porcelain, staring at the ceiling as Juniper jumped into the tub and curled up at her side, "so…you think I'm being too hard on James?"

"I'm just hoping," Minerva said, "that you'll let James decide things on his own time. Don't push him away because you're trying to force him to come to terms with his feelings too soon."

Lily bit her lip, "how do I know that he's not going to push _me_ away?"

Minerva 's voice was tainted, "Miss Evans, that is impossible."

Lily swallowed, contemplating those words. She wished Minerva a good day and hung up the phone. Lily looked down at Juniper, petting her thick fur and considering the implications of Minerva's small leak of privacy. If what Minerva said was true, then James had no intentions of leaving her. She already knew that of course, since he claimed he was so worried about losing her, but it was nice to hear from someone other than James.

If James was already acting as if he'd lost Lily, then he'd already given up on the idea that Lily was his. She didn't know how to make him understand that she didn't want to lose him either. She wanted to run to him and tell him that despite everything, she wanted him to know how much she treasured him.

She had to apologize to him first, not the other way around.

Lily pulled herself out of the cat fur covered bathtub. Juniper blinked up wretchedly at Lily from her white porcelain throne. Lily leaned into the dry bathtub and ruffled Junipers little fur covered head. Juniper swiped at Lily with her paw.

"I think I deserve that. I was mean to James, huh?" Juniper meowed and Lily stood upright, "I have to go apologize to him."

Juniper meowed again, swiping at Lily's hand again. Lily chewed on her bottom lip as she turned on her heel and started making her way to James' bedroom door. It was still closed but Lily heard him listening to music. She knocked twice, there was no noise. Lily leaned her head against the door and knocked harder, calling his name. She heard James scramble to turn off his music and then walk towards the door. She leaned back when he opened the solid oak to find Lily standing there, smiling sheepishly.

"What?" he asked, "is something wrong?"

"Yes," she flushed, and he opened his door wider.

"What?" James looked around the hallway for trouble, only to find her alone, "What's wrong, Red?"

Lily swallowed back tears that were threatening to come when he used her nickname, "I wanted to say that I'm sorry."

James tilted his head at her in confusion, "What on earth are you apologizing for?"

"I didn't mean to argue with you," she professed, "I just wanted you to understand how I feel about you"

"Me too." his expression had softened, and he leaned against his doorframe, "I want you to understand too."

"I do," she promised, "I understand you as much as I possibly can, but I can't understand everything if you don't tell me everything."

James stared into her eyes and she almost sobbed when his hand came up to brush his knuckles along her cheek. The air around her turned sweet and she grew sincere under his kind gaze. She hadn't upset James so badly that he never wanted to speak to her again and that made relief flood her system as she leaned into his touch.

"Why are you so worried about being with me?" she asked once more, this time with meaning.

"This world, it never lets me keep someone I love for very long." He crooned, "first my family and then my best friend…I don't think I could stand losing you too."

"James—"

"Lily!"

A voice called Lily's from hallways away, a familiar voice that reminded Lily they were expecting company. Peter must've let himself in through the front door when James wasn't there to answer it. James bristled and Lily stood up straight as she turned her head and called out.

"Peter?"

Peter's voice was getting closer and James' hand dropped away from her, "Where are you!"

"The bedrooms!" She called, "second floor!"

She turned back to see James looking at her forlornly, "better make myself scarce."

"No," she begged, "don't leave me."

It was too late; he'd shut his door. Peter appeared around the corner wearing a suit and tie. He beamed when he saw Lily, opening his arms wide. Lily forced a wide smile on her face and she played with her fringe.

"Hi Peter."

"How are you?" Peter asked cordially, "you look good!"

Lily blew her hair from her eyes as she hugged Peter back, "you're early."

Peter hooted in her arms, clapping her back, "we need to get work out of the way because you have a party to go to tonight!"

"_What_?" Lily pulled out of Peter's arms, dismayed, "No."

She turned away from her manager, anger coursing through her veins. She walked into her room, her safe space, but Peter followed her. She was complaining as soon as she fell into her sheets. Peter walked into her room as she sent him a glare over her covers. Peter sat down next to her, hitting her shoulder.

"You were invited by one of the Disney executives."

"Peter, I haven't shown my face in public in weeks!"

Peter simply said, "you've got to go."

"Go where?"

James said he wasn't her knight in shining armor riding in to save the day atop his white horse, but the sound of his voice made Lily shoot up in relief. She looked at James adoringly, wishing he could know how relaxed he made her. Peter looked at James disagreeably, as if he'd hoped James had gotten fired. James looked at Peter with as much malice, if not more.

Lily looked between her manager and James with great despair. Lily had to get Peter to like James, she had too. If she could get Peter to like James, then he could cover for them and let them be together while still keeping the press at bay. Peter would never help Lily if he didn't like James though and Lily knew by James' expression that he'd get mad if she asked him to be nice to Peter.

"Go where?" James repeated harshly, talking through his teeth.

"She was invited to a party," Peter said to James in his professional voice, "it's no concern of yours."

"I'm her bodyguard," James said gratingly, "everything she does is a concern of mine."

Peter's neck grew red at James' tone, "you're only with her during the day."

"So?" James looked like he was daring Peter to answer, as if nothing Peter said could tempt him from not caring about Lily.

"The party is tonight," Peter said, "therefore none of your concern."

James flinched back, as if Peter's words hit a sore spot. He turned stern again, going to war for Lily, who was sitting her bed already uneasy with the idea of going outside her walls and to a party.

"Everyone will recognize her."

"James is right," Lily said, "everyone will know who I am and ask about my performance and Steven and—Peter I can't deal with that. Not yet."

"If not when, why not now?" Peter asked her, "Lily, you can't hide away forever."

"Peter." Lily's eyes watered, "Please."

"If being recognized is really a worry for you," he said, "put on a mask when your photo isn't being taken."

"Peter," Lily tried to reason with her manager, "couldn't you have told the execs that I wasn't in town?"

"I would've been lying, since there are pictures of you gallivanting about town with him," Peter threw his head in James' direction, "floating around the internet."

Lily flushed, knowing it had to be the pictures Rita Skeeter got of them under the church eves before they'd run into the alley to hide. It was the same alley she'd confessed her affections in while James just stood there, shell-shocked. He wasn't shell shocked right now, instead, he looked furious.

"She hates crowds." James said.

"She sings in stadiums filled with 500,000 people." Peter deadpanned, "this is a small executive party, she'll be fine."

"Please, _please_."

"It's Halloween, you're not staying here." Peter cut her off, "I already have my intern Samantha getting you a costume."

"A costume as what?" Lily wiped her eyes, "a failed singer songwriter?"

"No," Peter stood up off her bed, "Juliet, actually, as a nod to your song _Love Story_."

"Love Story?" Lily's lower lip wobbled, "Peter that song is ancient."

"But it's good press." Peter put gloves on his hands, "and at this point, I'm willing to do all I can to get your back in the limelight."

Lily looked at James over Peter's head, showing him that her wide green eyes were panicked. It worked, whatever part of himself he'd been holding back burst out. James took a further step into the bedroom room, blocking Peter from leaving. Peter was shorter than Lily, so he was a dwarf next to James, who towered over the blond-haired businessman.

"I'm going if she's going." James said.

"No," Peter furrowed his brow, "Frank can go, we don't need you or Alice letting Lily give in to her crying spells."

"I need him." Lily spoke up before James could and Peter looked at her with large blue eyes, "I _want_ James to go with us."

"Lily, no." Peter tried to stay firm, "absolutely not. The press would have a field day."

"Then he can wear a mask."

Lily threw Peter's words back at him and it worked, making her manager sputter in the middle of her bedroom floor.

"I will go this party and meet whoever you want me to meet, faking a smile all night, only if James goes too." Lily said standing up and holding her hand out for Peter to shake, "deal?"

Peter stared at Lily's outstretched hand with a frown. He wasn't happy she'd outsmarted him but then he begrudgingly shook her hand, his need for her outweighing his dislike for James. James looked like he'd rather face a firing squad than go to a club in the middle of Manhattan on Halloween. Lily had to agree with him, if only because neither of them liked crowds.

"He keeps his mask on all night."

"Fine." Lily shrugged, "as long as he's there."

James looked at Lily as if she'd just asked him to dance and sing to _The Sound of Music_ in front of 100,000 people not accompany her to a Halloween party.

Peter sneered back, "I don't want to have to do a month's worth of recovery press if the reporters see him in a club with you, Lily."

James shoved his hands into his pockets, "I'll pop down to the storefront and get a mask."

James shot Lily one last look before he left the room. She frowned after him before turning her frown onto her manager. Peter looked less than thrilled at how his meeting with her was going. Lily folded her arms across her chest, motioning to his briefcase.

"You have business you wanted to go over?"

Peter didn't look away from the door, as if James were still standing there, "what is going on between you two?"

Lily flushed red and tried to hide it by going into her loo and pulling her hair down to brush, "Why are you so against him? He's just doing his job!"

"He loves you."

She almost dropped her brush. Peter said it so simply, but it still felt like she'd been shot in the gut as she gripped the handle of her brush so it wouldn't crash to the floor and give her away. Peter's words echoed in her head over and over again like a broken record.

"He does not." she finally said, trying and failing to keep her voice level, "that's a silly thing to say."

Peter shook his head as he as he dug into his bag and pulled out a white sheet of paper. Lily walked out of the loo still brushing her hair. Peter passed the paper to Lily and she put down her brush as she pulled the paper to her face. It was her schedule for the _Piper_ press tour that started November 13th with a BBC Radio One session in London. Lily looked up at Peter quickly.

"My sister's getting married on November 13th."

"I know," Peter brushed her worries away, "don't worry, you'll have time for both, I made sure."

Lily's brow wrinkled as she looked at the rest of the dates. Two days after the wedding, she had to be back in New York for a photoshoot with vogue and after that she was running around the world. There were several dress fittings worked into the schedule and a lot of interviews in Los Angeles and New York before the premiere of _Piper_ on December 15th.

"This is a lot," Lily said nervously.

"Lily," Peter touched her shoulder, "you signed a contract with Disney."

"I know." she grumbled, half-defeated already, "I just don't want them asking me so many questions."

Pater patted her sympathetically, "I'll make sure that the only things they can ask you are questions about _Piper_. Okay?"

It wasn't okay, but she knew that telling Peter wouldn't change that fact a bit. She squared her shoulders and stood upright. She had to keep a smile on her face, for Peter. He'd been with her through everything and he was right, she couldn't break a contract.

Despite how much and how often she wished James would break his contract.

"Peter?" Lily asked timidly.

"What?"

"How binding are contracts?" she asked, knowing that he would know seeing as he was her manager.

Peter's blue eyes sparkled, "what's your sudden interest in business?"

Lily shook her head as she picked her brush back up, "I just wondered what happens when someone breaks a contract."

Peter grew worried, "you aren't thinking of breaking the Disney contract, are you?"

Lily looked at her manager, giving him a kind smile, "no."

Peter looked comforted, "good, because you'd lose a quarter million dollars just in legal fees."

"It's just," she fell onto her mattress again as she thought about James' contract, "if a normal person broke a contract, like a business contract where money wasn't involved, what does it cost them?"

Peter shrugged, "everything, I suppose."

"Everything?" Lily looked at Peter through her longer fringe, "what do you mean by everything?"

"What kind of contract are you talking about?" Peter asked.

Lily danced around James' name, "say a person had a contract to work a certain way for a certain amount of time. What happens if they break a rule on the contract?"

"For a job?" Peter's eyebrows flew up, "well, I reckon they'd be fired."

"Fired." She repeated, lost in her own head.

Peter walked over to her cautiously, placing a soft palm on her arm, "Are you quite sure you're okay?" he asked, "you've never been interested in business before."

Lily shook herself and offered Peter a winning smile, "Fine," she assured him, "let's go over this schedule, I want to talk about my next album."

They both settled down at a wooden desk in the hallway. Peter got out his laptop and Lily went through his notes. She also signed a few of her old albums for a holiday silent auction in Tennessee that Peter was hosting. They spent an agonizing hour on her schedule, making her phone calendar sync up. James was back from the costume shop while they were finishing up. Lily stared after his retreating back as Peter packed away his laptop.

Peter seemed happy with their progress that day, "well, now that that's taken care of, I'll see you at the party tonight."

Lily kissed Peter's cheek softly, "want to pick me up tonight? Like old times?"

"My intern, Samantha, was tasked to be your driver." Peter patted her cheek, "I'll see you at the party."

Peter hugged Lily once more before he left. Lily waited until she was certain that Peter was gone and then she pushed herself to walk to the bedrooms where James was likely waiting for her. They didn't have long before Alice or Frank were set to reappear to cover the night shift. She really wanted to confront James before that.

Lily crossed the hall and leaned against his doorframe, her long hair falling over one shoulder. James was wearing his usual black trousers, but he was topless, going through his small pile of clothes on a chair agitatedly. Lily admired the scars on his back when he flexed again as he bent down to pick up a blue button-down shirt.

"I like when you wear blue." she said delicately, making him whip his head around to find her gawking at him.

"Lily." he shot upright and his hand was in his hair, "I—uh—thought Peter was still here."

"Peter's a busy man." Lily said, "He never sticks around for long."

"How do you feel about tonight?" James asked, pushing his arms through the blue shirt sleeves.

"I don't want to go," Lily rolled her shoulders back staunchly, "but Peter said it's part of my contract with Disney."

James didn't button his shirt as he walked towards her. She watched carefully as he leaned against the other side of the doorway so that he was seconds away from brushing his lips to hers. She admired his hazel eyes up close, unsure of where they stood now. He waited a moment, his own eyes tracing her face before he spoke.

"Fuck the contract."

She couldn't help but smile, "kettle, _black_ much?"

"Ha. ha." he faked a laugh and then winked, "Okay, so we have to go tonight but what if…"

"What if?" Lily wasn't really able to focus with his face so close.

"What if, we go, you get a few pictures for the magazines and then we sneak out before Peter can make either of us more miserable than he's already done."

"And?" she pressed him, loving how close he was to her.

"And we sneak out," James lifted one of his eyebrows, "did you expect some elaborate scheme after?"

Her toes grazed his on the carpet, "we _could_ get cinnabun pancakes at ihop."

"America has destroyed you." James clucked his tongue but there were sparkles in his eyes, "it's a good thing we have to go back to England soon."

"I wish we could go someplace else," she rocked on her feet, "like a private island in Thailand, or a quiet cabin in the woods."

Her mind drifted to Lake Placid and her old family holiday cabin.

"Why?" James tilted his head at her.

She sent him a coy smile, "Because then maybe I'd be able to steal a few more kisses."

Lily bit her lip to try and control her smile was it was no use; he always made her glow. James shook his head weakly at her, as if he was as smitten as she felt. His hand reached between them, letting the back of his hand graze her cheek daintily. She felt her knees wobble at the sheer delicacy of his touch. Looking into his eyes, she couldn't see or think about anyone else but James.

"Come here." he said melodiously before he pulled her into his room.

When the door shut behind Lily his hands were already guiding her up onto her tiptoes for a kiss. His mouth, so warm and so soft, elicited a sweet smile from Lily. Her lips spread open willingly against him, tasting peppermint on his tongue. James chuckled against her mouth and he pulled back so he could stare down at her. Her heels hit the carpet again, but she was poised, ready to lift back onto her toes at a moment's notice.

"You can't possibly steal kisses from me," he said, eyes molten as he nudged her back against the closed door, "that implies that I didn't give them up so god damn willingly."

She turned red and raised her shaking hands so that she could throw her arms around James' shoulders. His nose pressed to hers, pausing her attempt to bring him to her lips. She sucked in the static air between them while he moved his hands so that they rested on either side of her head.

They were back in the same position they'd been in when James had run them into the alley. He was staring at her this time though, not her lips. It was like she was drinking him up, her breathing shallow and forced. She stared up at James helplessly as he just stared down at her. Her left hand swept across his jaw, waking him up from his reverie.

"Say something." She urged.

"I don't know what to say," he murmured, "I just don't know how to keep away from you."

"Then stop trying."

His kissed her again, this time with a little more eager push against her lips. It was over, he couldn't keep his hands off of her behind his closed door. She felt released from her worries when he didn't stop kissing her, only pulling away to lean back in and deepen their kiss with a playful little tug of teeth on lip. Lily breathed in deep through her nose as she fell farther against his door. The designs dug into her back so hard and she was certain she'd get red lines in the same leafy shapes.

Lily's hands buried in the hair at the nape of his neck, content as James leaned back briefly to take a deep breath before leaning back in and kissing her so gently that she let out a little sigh when he pulled back again. His fingers were tracing up and down her arms. She felt almost paralyzed by his touch. He placed one sweeter kiss against her lips, lingering there long enough that she took the chance to sneak another kiss. When James pulled away with a smirk, he was looking at Lily like she was the sun.

"In my wildest dreams," he said, "I never let myself dream of this."

Lily pressed her lips to his again, a sort of desperation to kiss him until her lips bruised settling into her mind. James didn't fight it anymore, leaning down and moving his lips against hers with a similar loss of device. After all that time pacing and patiently waiting, she felt drunk as he kissed her. James' tongue was carelessly brushing against the roof of her mouth, just a taste of what was to come, when his phone rang in his pocket.

Lily lurched back from James, looking down to his pocket where his phone was ringing. James only stepped away from her enough so as to take his phone out. He placed the phone on his ear, looking rather put out that someone had chosen to call his work phone at that moment.

"Hello?" he was trying to keep his breathing level and Lily watched his face contort with surprise when someone answered on the other end.

Lily played with the buttons on his unbuttoned shirt as he talked to whoever it was on the other end. The door was still digging into her back, but she didn't dare move, for hopes that James would have her against it again in a few seconds. Unfortunately, the phone call was taking longer than she would've liked.

"You're sure?" James' forehead had lines on it, "I mean yeah that makes sense. No. Okay. Yes. Thank you, sir."

James was leaning closer to Lily again as he talked, and so she took the chance to pull aside his shirt collar and press her lips to his collarbone. James sucked in a deep breath and Lily smirked as she dragged her lips up his neck. She paused against his pulse point before she pulled tenderly at his skin with her mouth. When he finally hung up, he chucked the phone behind him before his hands took up residence in her hair.

"That was Moody."

"_Hmmm_," she hummed softly against his throat.

"Alice is sick again and Frank's in LA hiring a security guard for Moody, so it's just us until tomorrow night."

Lily only pulled away so she could say, "I'd say I'm sorry that Alice is sick but I'm not."

She kissed her way along his jaw, and he let out a sigh when her lips met his again.

"Promise me something." he said against her mouth.

Lily would promise him anything but she was so dazed that he pulled away so she couldn't kiss him how she wanted, "_anything_."

James leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, "we get out of that club fast, come back here, and I make you fresh blueberry pancakes."

Lily nosed him slightly, spiritedly, "that sounds like heaven."

James' touch was hot, melting Lily into the door as they kissed. He was everything she ever wanted, his boyish charm coming out in his biting kisses. They could've kissed another ten days, or years, but James' phone rang out again. James ripped his mouth off hers and Lily complained loudly as he unlocked the screen. James kissed her once more before unraveling himself from her touch and motioning to the closed door.

"I think Peter's intern Samantha is here," he said, "she looks about intern age but its hard to tell on the front door cameras."

Lily followed James down to the main hall. Outside her frosted glass, she saw the shape of a woman who couldn't be much taller than Lily. Lily hung back in the shadows while James opened the door.

A fairy-like voice spoke up, "Hi, I'm Samantha Clark, I've got Lily's costume."

"Hullo," James warmly gestured for Samantha to enter the house.

Lily hung back as a woman who couldn't be older than twenty walked across her doorstep. She was Lily's height and had beautiful blond hair that fell in waves around her shoulders. She wore a blazer and nice silver heels. Samantha's arms were full, but she held the things carefully as she came to a halting stop when she spotted Lily.

Lily took a deep breath and stepped forward, holding out her arms, "here, let me help you!"

Samantha's face reddened, "oh no, it's fine."

"Please," Lily said kindly, taking a dress from Samantha and holding it up to her person, "well he wasn't joking about Juliet, huh?"

"I have the mask too," Samantha reached into her purse and pulled out a white lacey thing with black ribbon, "I had to run back out for this, sorry it's all I could find at short notice."

"It's fine," Lily assured Samantha kindly, "Can I get you anything? Tea? Soda? Wine?"

Samantha looked startled that Lily offered, "oh no, it's fine, I have to get back to Peter's office downtown," she said, "I have some filing to finish before I come back for you."

James came around Samantha, offering the intern a kind smile, "well if that's all, I can see you to the door."

Samantha nodded at James before looking back to Lily kindly, "see you in two hours, I'll park right outside, okay?"

"Thank you," Lily tried to sound friendly, "I'll be ready."

Samantha shrugged awkwardly before she followed James to the front door. James closed the door behind Samantha and locked the door.

"Finally," he took three giant steps across the small mudroom before grabbing her into another kiss.

Each kiss grew more relaxed than the first, which only made her more apt to stay kissing him. The dress and mask fell out of her hands and onto the floor between them. Sadly, the phone in Lily's pocket went off and she ripped her mouth off his. James grumbled as he bent down to pick up her costume. She pulled the phone from her pocket and answered it as James fell against the closest wall.

"Hello?"

"Hi Lily," Petunia's voice, even though lily had heard it her entire life, still sounded so much more pointed on the phone, "it's your sister."

"I know," Lily said kindly, a new kind of warmth flooding her, "is everything all right?"

"It's fine," Petunia said, "why wouldn't it be?"

"Well," Lily cleared her throat as James sat on a nearby chair in defeat, "you never call."

"I wanted to talk to you about my wedding in three weeks." Petunia was business, as per usual, which made Lily wonder if Petunia was secretly Peter's offspring.

"What about it?"

"Are you coming?"

"Yes," Lily said, "of course, I wouldn't miss it Pet."

"Well I can't have you as a bridesmaid." Petunia said matter-of-factly, "I already promised Marge, Vernon's sister."

"Petunia, it's fine." Lily promised, "I don't want to be stared at anyways."

Petunias voice grew softer, "I saw the reports."

"Yeah," Lily leaned against the wall and gripped her phone with both hands, "it's been bad."

"_Did_ you cheat on him?"

"No," Lily swore, "it was just a huge misunderstanding."

Petunia said, "he must've deserved it. The only other guy I've seen you slap like that was Ruddy Higgins in our second-year writing class, remember?"

"Of course." Lily said softly, "he was bullying you."

She remembered when Petunia had met Lily on the football field during recess sobbing because a boy made fun of her teeth. Lily had always been the tougher of the two sisters, the one unafraid of anything. Lily had slapped Higgens so hard it left a mark and served detention for it. Later, Higgens apologized to Petunia under Lily's threatening glare.

Petunia flabbergasted Lily when she asked, "are you going to be okay to come to a wedding?"

"I'll be fine."

"I saw your performance with Granda, Lily," Petunia sounded years older on the other end, "you didn't look well enough for that, let alone traveling here for a wedding."

"It might sound crazy, Pet," Lily said, "but I think a bit of Cokesworth will do me a world of good."

She could hear the smile in petunia's voice when she replied, "since when has Cokesworth ever done _anyone_ any bit of good?"

Lily smiled too and hugged herself with one hand, "I miss you, Pet."

And Petunia, who abhorred Lily most of the time, actually said, "I miss you too."

Lily hung up, slipping her phone into her pocket. When her eyes found James, he was still sitting on her hallway bench, the back of his head pressed against the white wall. He held her costume in his arms, the noticeable ballgown sparkling like his eyes.

"My sister just told me she misses me."

James huffed as he stood up and shoved the costume into her arms, "I'd miss you too, if you lived half a world away."

"No, you don't understand," Lily laughed at his retort, "she normally can't stand me."

"I normally can't stand you either," but his eyes were telling a different story.

"Will you promise me something?" she asked.

"Anything."

"I keep going back over things we both said and all the things that I misread," she murmured, "but just know that when you run away from me, all I want is to chase you down so I can tell you how badly I need you."

"Then what's my promise?" his fingers brushed her hair on neck, "to always run away from you?"

"Promise to never run far," she reasoned, "never run so far that I end up losing you."

His eyes searched hers, "and what if you're the one to run?"

"It's never too late for you and your white horse to come around."

James shot her a look, "go change, Superstar, I'll meet you back down here in an hour and a half."

Lily hummed _Fearlessly Red_ softly as she went back to her room, James following behind her slowly. She couldn't believe that it was Halloween night and she was getting James all to herself, basically. Lily had to make herself beautiful, because she wanted to look like someone that he'd be proud of. Although, as she closed her door, she had a feeling James was proud of her no matter what.

She couldn't wait to see where the night took them.

* * *

**Next Time: **

"After all my hard work, do you really only know how to cook eggs?"

James had come out of his room, likely smelling the food or hearing her pan sizzle.

"Do you have a problem with eggs?" Lily shot at him, looming up through her fringe.

James leaned on the countertop, his hands folded, "You're hopeless."


	11. Love Story

He kissed her.

Lily leaned more against the back of her door, clasping her hands to her chest as she tried to paint to memory the exact way it’d felt when James finally let go of his inhibitions and kissed her. She tried to remember how firm his hands felt and how soft his lips were. She desperately tried to hold onto the passion. She was aching with the need to tell someone.

Lily chewed her lip and looked at her small bed stand where her phone was. Unable to hold herself back she bounced over to the pink bedazzled phone and immediately pulled up her messages. She ignored the twenty unread messages and typed in _Siriusly Black _to find her best friend amongst the chaos that was her phone.

**Lily**: James kissed me!!! 

**Sirius**: !!!!! Pics or it didn’t happen!!!! 

**Lily**: we’re about to leave for some party Peter is making me go to downtown 

**Sirius**: speaking of parties ur birthday is in two months...I could buy u and JP a private island to go to…you know…

**Lily**: let’s see if I don’t scare him away first 

**Sirius**: the man was in a war

**Lily**: and?

**Sirius**: JP isn’t scared of anything 

Lily placed down her phone and contemplated Sirius’ point of view. She knew that everyone took one look at James and assumed he was some big men-in-black type of bodyguard. She’d done the same thing when she’d first met James in Manchester. Now, she knew better. He was scared and he did have fears but that only made James seem so much braver to Lily than before.

Letting her phone fall onto her mattress, Lily picked up her costume and held it to her frame. The white dress fanned out along the carpet and over Lily’s feet. With a little sigh, Lily placed the dress down on her mattress right next to her phone. She got undressed, jumping into the shower for a quick rinse off. The hot water cascaded down soothingly and she didn’t want to get out, but time was her enemy.

Lily took out her make up kit and slowly made herself up to the Lily that she’d long since left behind. It was weird, getting ready for a party when all she wanted to do was stay at home and settle into a sofa with James. Lily wished they could run away, just for a few days, where they could be a normal couple.

Nothing would ever be normal, not with her life being the way it was.

Lily had just finished curling her hair at her vanity mirror when James walked through her bedroom door looking down at his phone with a puzzled expression. She stared at him through the mirror, checking one of her curls at the same time.

“Hi James.”

James scratched his head, “Sirius just asked for a picture of us together?”

Lily placed her curling iron down and turned to look at James. He was wearing his normal black suit, only he had gelled his thick black curls back. Lily wrinkled her nose at the sight and stood up. Her bare feet pattered along the hardwood until she stopped right in front of James. James lowered his phone so he could look at her, taking in her dramatic eyeliner and red curls.

“You look beautiful,” he said.

“You’re always handsome.” Lily said, leaning onto her tiptoes, “but we need to do something about your hair…”

James snorted as she pulled her fingers through his matted hair. The curls followed Lily’s guidance, springing into action around James’ scalp. James’ hazel eyes grew softer under her touch. He even leaned down to give her more leverage as her fingers shook the curls from their prison. When she was done, she nodded her approval, earning a twinkle of a smile from James.

“Not a fan of the gel, eh?” His nose brushed hers slightly.

“I like your hair _au natural._” She replied, falling back onto her heels.

“And why does Sirius want a photograph of us together?” his nose moved slightly against hers.

Lily’s mouth lifted up the corners, “I told him we kissed, and he wanted proof.”

“Proof, eh?” he leaned in, kissing her sweetly before pulling away, “why does he need proof?”

“Because it’s Sirius?” she hummed.

“Good point.” James tapped her chin and gave her a little wink, “finish changing, I’ll meet you downstairs.” 

Lily managed to make the white dress shine, despite the fact she normally hated wearing white. Lily used a golden sash at the waist, showing off her form as she tied a bow at the back. She thought she looked a bit like Juliet from Leonardo DiCaprio’s _Romeo & Juliet_, but without the obnoxious wings. Lily straightened the folds on the dress nervously as she checked her mascara one last time. Lily touched the mirror when she realized she was smiling without appreciating it.

She finally pulled herself together enough to place the lace covered mask over her round face. Lily’s eyes popped bright green against the fabric and Lily considered that the mask would do nothing in her favor. Anyone with functionating eyes could tell the girl in the Juliet costume was Lily Evans. It would take a wig and some hefty sunglasses to get Lily anywhere unnoticed. Disappointed, Lily untied the mask and tucked it into her clutch. She added one of her anxiety pills to her front zipper and made she had a make-up wipe or two on hand. 

When Lily came downstairs dressed and prepared for a night on the town, she was absentmindedly playing with her long red hair. She wondered if anyone would recognize her if she just cut all her hair off.

When she reached the kitchen, her stilettos clicking across the hardwood, James jumped up from the kitchen table. He looked like Wesley from The Princess Bride with his black khakis, white button down and crooked back mask. When she told him who he looked like, James just winked at her like he’d done it on purpose. She adjusted the twisted mask for James before kissing him sweetly, treasuring the fresh sense that came with his lips soft against hers. 

“Getting one last kiss in for the night?” He asked when she fell back and took his hand.

“I plan on kissing you a lot now.” She tugged him towards the main hall, “whenever I can sneak one in.” 

“As you wish.” He mock bowed.

Lily eyed her bodyguard insecurely, “_Are_ you dressed as Wesley?”

“No,” James eyes twinkled, “I was going for more of a Romeo vibe.”

“More Wesley than Romeo.”

James pulled her hand to his heart, yanking Lily closer and making her laugh, “_Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night!_”

She pretended to swoon as he kissed her knuckles. They both laughed, leaning into each other until their foreheads touched. Lily couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed or smiled so much in twenty-four hours.

Lily stared up at him lovingly, “did you just look that up, or are you actually a freak who can recite Shakespeare on a whim?”

James grinned sheepishly and used his free hand to show her his phone, which was opened to Goodreads, “definitely looked that up and memorized it before you got down here.”

Lily felt like she was a kid again, reading her fairytale books when James lifted her hand and spun her on the spot. Lily’s skirts lifted at her ankles and she was instantly reminded of the ballroom scene in Pride and Prejudice. James’ eyes never left hers, molten hazel orbs of pure adoration. When her skirts settled back around her ankles, he lowered her arm, letting go of her hand only so he could caress her cheek.

“You’re beautiful.”

“You already said that.” she pointed out.

“I’ll say it forever.”

He was right, she never had to steal a kiss. He kissed her enough that she never felt devoid of love and affection. She smiled against his mouth, heaven settling around her.

“Well Juliet,” James said, eyes still closed, “do you think our story will be just as beautifully tragic?”

“Not if I have anything to say about it.” 

As if right out of a film she watched as a kid, James closed the rest of the space between them. His kiss was sweet with a lingering touch that sent a shiver up her spine when the broke apart. He placed his forehead to hers and his hands fell to her waist. Looking in his eyes was like hearing the hallelujah chorus for the first time, mind numbing. 

A doorbell broke them apart. Lily rubbed her lipstick from James’ lips before he could answer the door. Samantha, Peter’s intern, was right on time. She stood waiting for Lily and James wearing a Rapunzel costume, complete with a frying pan attached to her belt. Samantha was startled when Lily greeted her with a hug. James got Lily a coat while Lily exchanges pleasantries with Peter’s new intern.

“How long have you been working for Peter?” Lily asked as she reapplied her red lipstick.

Samantha brushed her blond wig braid over one shoulder nervously, “two months? I think?” 

“I’m sad that I haven't met you until now,” Lily told Samantha candidly, “all those long business meetings would be a lot better if I had a girlfriend there to keep me company amongst the businessmen.”

Samantha looked pleased by Lily’s insinuation that they could be friends, “I’m the only girl in his office.” Samantha divulged, “it’s a bit intimidating, like, will I ever get a job?”

“Peter’s fair,” Lily promised Samantha, “so long as you work hard, he’ll keep you around. He’s loyal.”

Samantha played with the flowers on her costume, “I’m afraid I don’t know Mr. Pettigrew _that_ well yet.”

“Well I’ve known him practically my whole life.” Lily said as she took a black peacoat from James, “he’s never led me astray.”

There were no press standing outside Lily’s door for once. Instead, the sidewalks were filled with young and old dressed in Halloween costumes. A few people called Lily’s name excitedly and she waved politely but, for the first time in days, she wasn’t bombarded by cameras. Lily was able to walk to the car with little trouble thanks to Samantha and James keeping her flanked for privacy. Lily only stopped once to give a little girl dressed as Princess Piper a hug while the mum snapped photographs with her iPhone.

“I _love_ your costume.” Lily told the little girl, touching the purple Princess Piper gown, “are you going to see the movie on opening day?”

“I made mummy buy tickets weeks ago.” The little girl announced pompously, brandishing her blue sword like it was a real weapon.

“Why is Piper your favorite Princess?”

“Her sidekick is a dolphin,” the little girl threw her arms up, almost whacking Lily with the sword, “that’s so cool!”

“Very cool.” Lily nodded her approval before standing up and opening the car door.

She was still smiling as she got into the backseat, wary of her dress folds getting caught in the car door. James helped Lily tuck her skirts in safely before closing the door. Samantha was on the phone as she slid into the driver’s seat. Lily waved to little Princess Piper, feeling proud that she was a part of a movie that would give little girls another strong woman to look up too.

“We’re on our way Mr. Pettigrew.” Samantha’s keys twisted in the ignition, “did you need anything before—no? Of course. See you soon.”

James slid into the front seat of Samantha's black car, his mask shifting on his face as he buckled his seat belt. The windows were tinted so no one could see as Lily leaned forward in her seat to adjust his mask from behind. James swatted her hands away, almost irritated. She kicked the back of his seat in response.

“I’m sorry my car's not anything super fancy.” Samantha said once she was driving down the road, “not what you’re used to, I’m sure.”

Lily reached over to squeeze Samantha's shoulder, “it’s just fine, Samantha.”

“You’re too nice,” the girl flushed with embarrassment.

“I promise it’s okay, Samantha.”

“It’s just, I know you normally have a limo driver,” Samantha explained, “but Peter said Tom your usual driver took a vacation to the Bahamas until the New Year.”

“Oh,” Lily scratched her chin wonderingly, “you know, I wondered why Peter insisted you to come get us.”

James reply surprised Lily, normally he was so quiet around strangers, “Tom was fired actually.”

“What?” Lily took ahold of James’ arm, “That nice old man wouldn’t hurt a fly!”

James shrugged, turning in his seat to meet her anxious expression, “Peter sent an email to our team last week saying Tom was fired because he leaked information to the press.”

“What information?” Lily asked, furrowing her brow, “Tom’s never breeched his contract before.”

“I dunno, Red,” James looked just was bewildered as she felt, “but Peter was insistent he wasn’t safe for you to be around.”

Samantha furrowed her brow, “well, Peter’s always worried about you Lily so I’m sure whoever the driver was threatened you somehow.”

“I’m sure.” Lily crossed her leg and dangled her foot anxiously, “I just wish he’d told _me_.”

“Maybe he forgot,” Samantha clicked her blinker on, “Mr. Pettigrew is a busy man. That’s why he hired two interns. The other intern is really good with numbers but I’m a fast worker, so Peter lets me do cool stuff like meet you. You’re my favorite singer, and I’m not just saying that because you’re my boss’ client.”

Lily chuckled warmly, “you know, that’s what all my bosses clients say.”

Samantha laughed too before she pointed out the dashboard of her car to a building on the left, “they’ve got Christmas displays in their shop windows!”

“It’s Hallows Eve!” James barked as Lily caught a glimpse of a fat Santa in a display case.

“I normally have Peter send a crew in to decorate my house on November first.” Lily said, “I love Christmas.”

“One holiday at a time,” James prayed.

“Does this mean you’d be opposed if I told Peter to send in an interior decorator tomorrow afternoon?”

“Decorate yourself Red,” James sneered, “having someone else do it takes the fun out of everything.”

Samantha seemed to find their banter amusing because she laughed cheerily as she turned onto a crowded road, “if I had the money, I’d take Ms. Evans’ option and have someone decorate for me!”

“It’s Lily, call me Lily.” Lily told her new friend, “and once my interior decorator is done at my place, I’d be happy to send him your way Samantha.”

“My apartment is a one-bedroom studio in the Bronx,” Samantha brushed away Lily’s offer with embarrassment, “not much to decorate there.”

“Still,” Lily said as the car drifted along the road, “James can at least put a tree up for you!”

“I can do what?”

“You’re a man of many talents.”

“You’ve clearly never seen me decorate a Christmas tree.”

Samantha laughed, “did you two know each other before you worked together?” she asked in wonderment, “you argue like old friends.”

“We're from two very different worlds.” James assured Samantha, “she’s just a stubborn pain in my arse.”

“_Pot_, _black_.” Lily sang. 

“I’m stubborn too,” Samantha laughed, “but a girl got to be, to make it in this industry.”

“What do you want to do when you finish your internship?” Lily asked Samantha.

Samantha played with her fake blonde braid, “I want to manage singers and actresses.” She admitted, “I want to help woman of color in the entertainment industry get the same opportunities as everyone else.”

“That’s an amazing goal.”

Lily was in awe from Samantha’s admittance, something that couldn’t have been easy to admit to Lily. Lily considered Samantha in the driver’s seat, taking in everything from Samantha’s set jaw to the way she held on tightly to the steering wheel. There was a girlish appearance to Samantha’s round cheeks but a sense of hardness to her eyes. Lily had no doubt that a girl like Samantha probably had to work harder than everyone in Peter’s office to even get the internship she had.

“I think you’ll make a wonderful manager one day.” Lily said honestly, “you seem kind and thoughtful, something this industry needs more of.”

“Thank you.” Samantha swallowed, “that’s very kind of you to say.”

“We girls have to stick together.”

“Yes,” Samantha said, “we really do.”

Samantha stared at Lily in the rearview mirror, the two girls exchanging a knowing smile. Lily knew that at the end of the internship, Samantha would get a job she deserved because she was driven and passionate.

Samantha parked a block away from the club where the party was being held. Lily walked between the stout Rapunzel and tall Romeo, silent for the most part. Lily’s silver heels clicked on the city sidewalk, the buildings rising up around them like walls. Lily felt smaller and more tense the closer they became to the destination. Lily’s fingers kept unclasping and reclosing her pocketbook, her nerves settling into the pit of her stomach.

Samantha seemed to note her sudden change of disposition and grew concerned, “Lily, is something wrong?”

“I’m fine.” Lily lied, looking up at the skyscrapers like they were prison bars, “just a little tired.”

When Lily spotted the line of photographers outside the club and the woman dressed in sparkling gowns, she settled into her panic. She had no idea why she’d thought she’d be okay enough to show her face at a Hollywood party again after passing out on stage at the awards. Lily’s stiletto got caught in a crack in the sidewalk and she half stumbled, James catching her last minute.

“Lily?” his voice was the only calming thing, “did you bring your meds that McGonagall prescribed?”

Lily nodded and wordlessly shook her pocketbook.

Samantha was fretting, “I could call Peter?”

That was the last thing Lily wanted, but poor Samantha didn’t know that. James put a hand on Lily’s back, reminding her that he was there. Samantha followed James’ example, her palm resting on Lily’s shoulder as Lily took a staggering breath. Lily felt like she was underwater and no matter how much she tried, she couldn’t break the surface.

“Is she okay?” Samantha asked James worriedly, “should I get help?”

“She has bad anxiety.” James explained as he grabbed Lily’s purse and took out one little pill while Lily sucked in cold October air, “do you have water, Samantha?”

“Not on me,” Samantha’s hand was pulling Lily into a standing position, “but I can get you some inside the party? But how do we get her past the press?”

“She needs the pill now,” James muttered, taking Lily’s hand and forcing the pill into it, “Lily you have to swallow this without water.”

“No,” Lily shook her head, looking down at her feet and taking a deep breath, “no I’m fine.”

James looked down at Lily apprehensively and she looked up at him with eyes that spoke for her. His hand flexed like he was going to touch her, but a camera flash made them both jump. A reporter had caught sight of her arrival and now cameras were pointed at the trio. That did nothing to help her anxiety but luckily, Samantha took charge, her black eyes growing hard and determined.

“Move, unless you want me to take your camera and smash it on the god damn ground.” Samantha threatened the man with the camera as she dragged Lily through the camera flashes, “she’s going to be late for her party!”

“Lily!” a reporter spotted her and waved, “Lily look over here!”

“Lily did you really cheat on Steven Roosevelt?”

“Lily!” a female voice called, from ahead, worriedly.

Lily looked up in shock, recognizing the kind familier tones. Rose Leslie was waving from outside the venue dressed in an elegant black gown. Rose’s husband was at her side and they rushed over when they saw Lily’s pale face. Samantha was keeping the cameras at bay while James, Rose and her husband all formed a shield around Lily. Rose had her arm looped in Lily’s.

“What are you doing here?” Rose asked as they made their way up the red carpet, “Benji told me Disney excused you until press tour.”

“I wasn’t given much choice about tonight.” Lily was gripping her anxiety pill for dear life, “is it terribly loud inside, Rose?”

“Not too bad,” Rose’s face was covered in glitter and Lily realized Rose was dressed like Britney Spears, “it’s mostly just boring old Disney execs inside.”

“Perfect.” Lily muttered.

“Lily! Rose! Give us a smile!” a reporter shouted.

“Back off!” Samantha snapped at the reporter, “if they wanted to smile at you, they would, buddy!”

James laughed on Lily’s other side, “Samantha, if managing artists doesn’t work out, I’d say you have a solid career in bodyguarding.”

The small club had bouncers our front and a club photographer was waiting. Luckily, the boy looked about twelve and seemed nervous, not even making eye contact with Lily, Rose or the others. Lily pitied the boy, who was paid by the club and sighed against Rose’s hold. Lily halted their party, slipping her pill back into her purse and keeping her green eyes trained on the camera boy.

“Did you need my picture?” Lily asked the boy kindly.

“Yes ma’am.” The boy, whose nametag read Stan, was blushing red, “sorry.”

“Where do you want us?” Rose asked, “we’ll all take one together.”

The boy pointed to a wall of blue paper, covered in Disney and Pixar logos intermixed with ghosts. Lily stood in front of it, elegantly sweeping out her dress before posing with Rose. They let the boy take three group photos before politely declining solos. Rose kissed Lily’s cheek warmly, her gloss sticking to Lily’s cheek.

“Don’t worry about smoozing the execs,” Rose told her, “I’ve been to hundreds of these parties and no one actually cares if you’re here or not.”

Rose and her husband entered the party. James leaned closer to Lily, eyes still stuck on Rose’s backside.

“Wasn’t that Ygritte from _Game of Thrones_?”

“Yeah,” Lily started playing with her clasp again, “she plays my mum in _Piper_.”

“She’s hotter in person.” he sheepishly backtracked when he saw Lily's face, "not as hot as you, obviously." 

"Nice save."

Lily frowned deeply at James before they followed Samantha’s lead into the party. Once inside, nothing got better. The club was packed wall-to-wall with people dressed in all different kinds of Halloween costumes. The air was sweet, perfumed by attendants making Cotton candy in carts decorated with blue flowers and skulls. People were dancing, drinking and smoking in every corner of the room. 

“Didn’t Pettigrew day this was a small executive party?” James hissed, his hand in his hair to show off his nervousness of crowds. 

“To Peter,” Lily muttered back, “every party is a small executive party,” 

“Want me to get you a drink?” Samantha asked Lily sympathetically, “before we go find Mr. Pettigrew?”

“Yeah,” Lily said, “Let’s all get some water.”

They made their way to a table covered in food and bottled water. James and Lily both took a bottle, James fished one of his pills out of his picket and Lily took hers out of her purse. They both held each other’s stare as they washed the anxiety pills down. She wished she could wrap her arms around his waist and kiss him until she forgot all about where they were.

“Alright?” Samantha asked Lily once she finished drinking her bottled water, “feeling less anxious?”

“I’m okay,” Lily said as she adjusted the mask on her face, “let’s just go find Peter.”

The trio slipped through the sweaty bodies on the spacious dance floor. Strobe lights lit up the walls in reds and blues. Waiters were roaming with trays filled with shots and chasers. Lily had to yank James out of the arms of some girl dressed in a cat costume, after she immediately tried to sweep him up into a dance near the DJ booth. The music was so loud that the beats pulsated Lily’s very insides, almost like her concerts. The feeling wasn’t very comforting despite being familiar. Samantha led James and Lily around the club, no sign of Peter anywhere. Samantha said he was wearing a Lando Calrissian costume, but among the many bodies in the club, even Peter’s stout stature was hard to identify. 

“I’m sorry,” Samantha apologized to Lily, “want me to call him?”

“No,” Lily said, pressing a hand to her forehead, “I’ll just sit and wait.”

Samantha took Lily to a set of chairs around a tall white table decorated in roses and skulls. A bowl of candy was in the middle of the table and Lily immediately grabbed a box of skittles. James took a snickers bar and they both chewed quietly, neither of them enjoying the party. Samantha left them to dance, her brown eyes seeking something other than the two wards she was placed with. Lily didn’t mind, Samantha’s departure leaving her alone with her favorite person in the world.

Lily turned her gaze to James, finding him with his head in his hands. To any passerby, he’d look drunk off his arse but Lily knew the he was having his own panic attack.

“Alright?”

James loosened up a bit at the sound of Lily’s voice, but he didn’t look up. Lily was about to put her hand on James’ arm when someone shouted her name with glee from two tables over. A camera flash went off as Lily was enveloped in a surprisingly tight hug by Benji from Burbank Studios. He had been one of the sound producers on the _Piper_ soundtrack and one of Lily’s favorites to work with.

He was dressed as a firefighter, his chest glistening with sparkles under the neon club lights. A couple fake tattoos were plastered on his abs and he was carrying a fake helmet. Lily motioned to the outfit, laughing a little at the fake tattoos that said things like ‘fight fire not wars’ and ‘I love my mom’ in bold letters.

“Benji, you look great.” She said as he pulled away to look her up and down.

“And you look like a dream.” He had her give a little twirl, “Princess Piper in the flesh.”

“I didn’t know you were in New York.” Lily shouted over the music of the club, “I would’ve loved to hang out!”

“Me too!” Benji grinned even wider when he spotted James who’d moved just beside Lily shoulder, “Ay! Potter! So good to see you, brother!”

“Nice to see you too mate.” James shook Benji’s hand, “Nice outfit.”

“Thanks,” Benji winked at James, “I bet you’d look good in a uniform, Potter.”

“Wouldn’t know,” James slapped Benji’s shoulder, “but I’ll take the compliment.”

Lily had to agree with Benji, James would look really good in the outfit Benji was currently rocking. Lily’s eyes traced James’ current outfit, which was just a mixed-up version of what he normally wore. Lily wondered if she could get him to step out of his comfort zone and wear more t-shirts. Although, in her eyes, James looked great in everything.

Benji motioned at Lily for her attention, “Hey, have you heard the new song I produced for _Piper_ end credits?”

“A new song?” Lily perked up, “For _Piper_?”

“Yeah!” Benji nodded eagerly, “It’s getting sung by Halsey last minute for the bonus songs on the soundtrack!”

“What!” Lily wondered why Peter hadn’t told her she’d have to record in the studio again, “when do I record it?”

“Oh,” Benji looked suddenly taken aback, “you—you really want to perform it?”

“I’m Piper,” Lily said, “aren't I?”

Benji fumbled, “sorry, Lily, we just assumed you weren’t ready to come back to the studio after what happened at the award show.”

Lily’s heart grew smaller at the mention of her award show incident, “nobody asked me.”

Benji looked really sorry, “Edgar Bones told us you weren’t well enough to record.”

“Oh,” Lily couldn’t help feeling a bit dejected, “do you know who told them I wasn’t?”

“We all just assumed, Lily.” Benji’s voice had lowered so much, it was almost hard to hear over the pounding bass, “no offense but—it was really bad, and Edgar wasn’t happy.”

Lily searched the crowd for Edgar Bones, one of her favorite producers from _Piper_. He wasn’t recognizable among the many faces, which was almost a relief. Lily had never wanted to disappoint Edgar, who’d been so proud to have Lily as his Piper. Lily bit her lip, her fingers fretfully playing with her box of candy.

Benji asked tentatively, “do you want to hear it?”

Lily forced herself to stay present, “of course I do, Benji.” 

“It’s called _Memories of Yesterday_.”

Benji took out his phone and earphones. He handed Lily the headphones and she slipped them into her ears. Because the club music was so loud, Lily had to clamp her hands over her ears and turn the volume up high. Lily listened as a strong beat rang through her ears. A soft, rustic voice overtook her head as the lyrics poured from the phone into Lily’s heart. 

“_Turn back the clock, I’m standing on that dock where the seagull feathers flutter in the breeze. Close my eyes, I can still hear the fisherman’s song and feel the sea breeze on my cheeks! Memories of yesterday, I will get back there someday, but for now I’ve gotta go my own way..._” 

“Who wrote these lyrics?” Lily asked Benji once she gave back the headphones, “the hook is amazing!”

Benji stuffed the phone back into his pocket, “Thanks, I wrote them three weeks ago!” He bragged, “took all night but it was worth it when my boss bought the song for the deluxe edition soundtrack!” 

Lily touched Benji’s arm affectionately, “it’s amazing Benji, I wish I was singing it.”

Benji’s expression softened, “me too, I wrote it with you in mind.”

Lily was heartbroken Piper’s primary producers had been so upset by her performance that they’d taken away the chance to sing such an amazing song. Lily wished there was an event soon where she could make it up to them. That’s when Lily remembered she was doing Radio One when she returned to England in November.

“Hey, Benji?” Lily said, “do you mind if I borrow the sheet music for _Memories of Yesterday_?”

“What for?” he asked, tilting his head at her.

“I have to do a Radio One interview in a few weeks and I normally sing three of my songs plus a cover.” Lily explained, “I’d love to do a cover of _Memories_.”

Benji’s face lit up, “that would be a dream!”

“I hate to break up this musical dream team collaboration,” James said suddenly, “but I have a bit of a headache, Lily do you mind if we find a place quieter than this?”

Benji, ever the helpful friend, spoke up, “there’s a rooftop bar, come on I’ll show you where the stairs are.”

Benji led them to the back of the club and through a set of heavy frames doors. A staircase made of concrete led the trio up to the top of the building. Upstairs was quieter than downstairs, older couples stalking about and sampling food from a service lined table. Most impressive was the lit up, massive, tin tree in the middle of the rooftop. Its silver branches carried lanterns that let out bursts of light meant to cover attendees in a soft orange and gold glow. 

James stared up at the art, his face glowing under the lights, “that’s unique.”

“It’s be beautiful on my balcony back home.” Lily said, capturing the imagine to mind, saving it for a rainy day, “wouldn’t it?”

Benji, Lily and James got plates filled with food. Benji said nothing as James took his upon himself to make sure she had more than the lobster Mac and cheese on her plate. They ate under the tall standing heaters, laughing over a bunch of videos Benji was showing them on his phone. Lily finished dinner and made her way to the sweets table alone, her sweet tooth calling her to the cakes. Lily was deciding between the chocolate covered strawberries or chocolate cake when someone slithered up to her side. 

“Lily Evans, as I live and breathe.”

Lily turned away from the sweets, feeling soft goosebumps raise her neck when she stared into pitch black eyes. Tom Riddle extended his hand to Lily like it was her honor to be around him. Lily was thrust back in time to the last time she shook Tom Riddle's hand, right before she’d separated from his management at fourteen. He hadn’t been happy to lose Lily to Peter Pettigrew’s personable hand, telling her she’d made a mistake. 

“Mr. Riddle.” Lily politely accepted his hand and watched as Riddle bent down to kiss her fingers. 

Tom had a southern gentleman’s charm about him. In fact, that night for Halloween, Riddle was wearing a confederate soldier uniform complete with a pistol on his hip. When Lily first met Riddle on the set of _Sing It!_ as a kid, he’d seemed handsome and suave. She knew better now; Lily could only attribute his black eyes and sharp cheekbones as snake-like. Lily, her parents and even _Petunia_ had detested being around Tom Riddle.

Riddle sent Lily a cruel sneer over her pale hand, “you make a lovely Juliet.”

“How did you know I was dressed as Juliet?”

He said, “you look the same now, as you did at twelve filming your first music video.” 

Lily pulled her hand back, her back straightening, “_Love Story_.”

“Yes,” his black eyes sparkled, “I find your outfit choice quite surprising, actually, since you claim to hate singing _Love Story _live.”

“_Love Story_ was my first song to ever go number one.” She said, “I will always love it and would love to perform it every concert but there’s plenty of other number ones my fans want to hear.”

“Still,” Riddle acted as if her biting tone was laced with challenge, “you always did refuse to perform it when I asked.”

Lily actually refused to perform anything he specifically requested, but she didn’t feel the need to point that out to Riddle. He probably already deduced as much. Riddle reached out to take a handful of her skirts, pulling at the soft white cotton. Lily sucked in a breath, biting her tongue, knowing Riddle wanted her to react.

“What _was_ the reason for dressing up as Juliet?” Riddle asked coyly when she didn’t move, “if not to try and fool everyone into thinking that you were still the same little girl singing about love and fairytales on national television.”

“All little girls dream of love and fairytales,” Lily said, holding herself tall, “all little girls want to be Princesses.” 

“And after all these years you’re still playing Princess.” Riddle sneered.

“Funny,” Lily said scathingly, “I’m pretty sure they call me the _Queen _of Pop now, Sir.” 

Riddle’s laughter was somehow more sinister than his stare, “you seem to forget I’m the one who put that crown on your head, Evans.”

“Don’t invalidate the hard work I’ve put in and the dues I’ve paid,” Lily felt a familiar flicker of resentment in her chest.

“Peter tells me you haven't written anything in a while.”

“I wasn’t aware you and my manager were on speaking terms.” Lily said coolly, “since you threatened to ruin his reputation when you found out I resigned with him to escape _you_.”

“There’s something you should know about me, little Princess,” Riddle’s smile was snakelike, fangs and all, “I always get what I want eventually.”

Lily held his stare, refusing to be the first to look away. Riddle’s nostrils flared and Lily’s hands were shaking at her side. The cool October air rustled her skirts and made her hair rise on her neck as she had a silent war with her old manager.

“Red if you’re _still_ piling that plate with junk food I’m gonna make you do fifty push-ups—“

Lily turned; her eyes panicked as James got closer. Riddle couldn’t meet James; Lily was terrified of the very thought. Lily knew that somehow, if Riddle could, he’d take away anything that made her happy. James paused when he saw the look of horror on her face. Unfortunately, Tom Riddle turned his inquisitive eyes to Lily’s bodyguard and the worry kicked into overdrive. A protective spark rose in Lily’s heart when she saw Riddle looming over James from the tips of James’ brown suede shoes to the tips of James’ wild black curls. 

“I don’t believe we’ve met,” Tom reached out a hand as James sidled up to Lily, “Tom Riddle.”

James took his hand, “James Potter, I’m Ms. Evans’ bodyguard.”

Riddle’s eyes flew back to Lily, “weren’t papers just _saying_ you were having an affair with your bodyguard?”

Benji walked over now, coming to flank Lily’s other side caringly. Lily balled her fists at her side, wishing more than anything that Peter had never asked her to come to the party. Riddle’s eyes were calculating, hovering between Lily, James and Benji.

Lily said, “despite Rita Skeeter's interpretive reporting, we are nothing if not professional with each other.” 

James looked down at his feet, likely recalling Lily pressed heatedly against his bedroom door only hours before. 

“Riddle,” Benji tried to diffuse the tension, “I didn’t know you were in town.”

“Indeed,” Tom practically ignored Benji, “of course, it wouldn’t be the first time Rita Skeeter’s been critical about your life, Ms. Evans. If I do recall, she once called your winning of _Sing It!_ ‘_unjustifiably insane_’ and ‘_a tragedy of modern television_’ in every article she published on the finals.”

“Yeah, well,” Lily shifted on her stilettos, “she’s always been fascinated with taking down my entire career.”

“No, Skeeter’s smart.” Riddle grabbed a plate and piled it with rice pudding, “You see, Skeeter knows that she will _never_ be as prosperous as you, Ms. Evans, so she does what all business entrepreneurs do, and she profits off your victory by criticizing your existence.”

“You’re quite defensive of Skeeter,” Lily said.

Riddle turned his back to Lily, James and Benji. Riddle turned his cheek, catching her gaze over his shoulder. He had a sparkle in his black eyes that made her stomach roll as he looked at James once more.

“I find her reporting to be the most honest.”

Riddle turned his head back around and walked off, eating his rice pudding. Lily stared after Riddle, her heartbeat pounding in her head. Beside her, James cracked his knuckles. 

“Who is he?”

“Tom Riddle.” Lily said, “CEO of _Greater Good Records and Entertainment_.”

“I don’t like him.”

“You don’t get to the top of the music industry without being a snake.” Benji said.

Lily looked at Benji in surprise, “you don’t like him either?”

Benji shook his head, “_Greater Good Records_ stole thousands of dollars from artists in 2014 but barely got a slap on the wrist. I have friends who work under Riddle’s management and they are all forced to put out a record every year even if the artist can’t write. Not to mention the producers operating on his studio grounds are all racist, homophobic and misogynistic assholes.”

James wrinkled his nose, “then how the Hell is Riddle still CEO?”

“Money,” Lily fluttered her eyebrow up, “and power.” 

“Oh, good. Another rich, white conservative man with a power trip.” James crossed his arms and looked like he wanted to go find Riddle and give the CEO a piece of his mind.

“He’s the most hated man in the industry,” Benji said, “so naturally he’s the most powerful too.”

James looked down at Lily nervously, “you acted like you knew him.”

“My first album, Love Story, was produced by his record label.” Lily explained to James, “and before Peter was able to get me out of my contract with _Sing It!_ I was stuck with Riddle as my manager.”

“Stuck?”

“My _Sing It!_ contract was for three albums.” Lily explained, “Peter got me out of the contract extension when I was recording my third album.”

“Kaleidoscope.” James nodded.

Lily looked at her bodyguard, surprised that he knew the order of her albums so easily. He caught her surprised stare and flushed, looking down at his feet. Lily wondered if he knew how much it meant to her that James just knew her album order off the top of his head. Normally only her fans were so interested and knowledgeable about her music.

“Wait so you aren’t under contract with Riddle?” Benji seemed confused, “you’re under contract with Peter?”

“Peter’s got his own record company that he started right after he got me out of _Greater Good Records_.” Lily explained to Benji, “he only has about twenty singers under his company, but he gives people the chance that bigger companies never would.” 

Benji looked wowed, “Pettigrew is the only man I know to piss off Tom Riddle and win.”

James grumbled beside Lily, “I don’t like Pettigrew much either.”

“Peter is nothing compared to Riddle.” Lily said with a shake of her head, “Peter’s worst quality is his love for beef sticks, Riddle’s worst quality is years of embezzlement and trickery.” 

Benji offered to get everyone a shot of whiskey, heading over to the bar. James took her plate piled high with brownies and carried it for her back to the table. They sat beside each other, neither of them really interested in anything else but each other. The streets below the club were still loud and filled with people celebrating Hallows Eve. Lily was staying close to the heaters, the chilly air promising a cold if she didn’t stay aware.

“Why did Peter want you out of Riddle’s label so bad?” James asked unexpectedly, “did Riddle do something?”

“He assaulted my best friend when she tried to leave mid-tour the year after _Sing It!_ was over.” Lily said gloomily, remembering the bruise on Melina’s face and the way security had carried her out when she spat in Riddle’s face, “he said he _owned_ us.”

“Disgusting.” James shook his head, “was your friend okay?”

“It scared Melina enough that she filed a lawsuit…which Riddle eventually paid his way out of.” Lily said coldly.

“And you?”

“I went home the night after that concert and told my parents that I wanted out as soon as possible.”

“And you?” James looked down at the streets below, “did he touch you? Did he hurt you?”

“He couldn’t.” Lily said mercifully, “My mum was still alive and had control over everything.”

“When she died, Peter took over?”

“No,” Lily shook her head, “Peter took over before she died.”

The city light sparkled in the darkness. Lily remembered being on a similar rooftop when she was just seventeen years old, partying with her friends and family after Peter had signed Lily to a new contract under Marauders Records. It felt so long ago, even though it wasn’t that long at all.

“You trust Peter then?” James was fiddling with the candle in the middle of the table, “you don’t think he’ll get power hungry like Riddle one day?”

“Ever since Peter discovered me in England, he’s had my back.” 

James scratched his head, “yeah, I guess he is pretty loyal to you. There’s just something about the way he looks at me…I don’t like you.”

“He’s not a fan.” Lily kicked him gently under the table, “he’s convinced you’re in love me.”

“Me?” James pretended to look shocked for her benefit, “in love with _you_? He’s mad.”

“The maddest.”

James hip checked her before they were both separated by Benji who’d brought them both a shot of whiskey. Lily and James both tossed the liquid into the fake planters while Benji threw back his head and took his shot. Benji got Lily downstairs on the dance floor after a lot of bribing. James stood in the corner of the crowded room, watching Lily closely as she danced. 

After three songs, Lily’s feet were killing her. She sought out James, slipping through the sweaty mass of dancing people. Her dress was covered in dirt on the ruffled edges and she looked more like a sweaty clubber than pretty Princess. She caught a glimpse of herself in a small mirror and winced when she saw her running mascara.

When she found James, she felt like she was home, “I’m ready to leave.”

“I was worried you were actually having a good time.” James joked, “and we’d never leave.”

“I’d rather be getting Cinnabon pancakes with you.”

“I hate how much you love American processed food.” James complained.

“Yeah whatever,” she grinned, grabbing his hand, “Let’s go get Samantha and go to ihop!”

“We can’t go to ihop!” he laughed as she pulled him across the dancefloor, “you’d be spotted in two seconds!”

“It’s Halloween!” Lily shot over her shoulder, “I’ll wear Samantha’s wig! No one will look twice at me!”

They found Samantha having a great time with a Wonder Woman near the dessert table. Samantha pulled away from Wonder Woman, grinning at Lily with lipstick stained teeth.

“We’re leaving,” Lily shouted over the music, “but you stay and have fun!”

Samantha shook her head, “I can leave!”

“Trust me,” Lily laughed, nodding at Wonder Woman who looked put out by Samantha’s eagerness to leave, “it’s okay!”

“Peter won’t like it!”

Lily didn’t want Samantha getting in trouble for not driving Lily back to her apartment, so she told Samantha that she was walking to a friend’s hotel for the night. James sensed what Lily was doing and spoke up.

“I’ll make sure she’s safe,” James told Samantha, “she just really wants to see this bloke.”

Samantha bit her lip and then pouted, “Fine,” she appeased, “but I’m only agreeing because Peter’s wasted beyond all belief and won’t notice.”

“You found him?” Lily asked, surprised.

Samantha pointed over Wonder Woman’s shoulder. Lily and James followed her finger, finding Peter talking over wine with Tom Riddle. They were both smiling and talking like old friends. Lily almost wanted to go over and intercept the odd conversation but she wanted to hang out with james alone more. Lily turned back to Samantha and pointed at the intern’s Rapunzel wig.

“Can I borrow that?” she asked. 

Samantha shrugged and passed Lily the braided wig. It was covered in flowers and a little too big for Lily’s head, but she managed when she plopped it on her head and started tucking her red hair into it. Samantha let go of Wonder Woman long enough to help Lily.

“You look great as a blond.” Samantha told Lily, tucking the braid over her shoulder, “it brings out your eyes.”

“Thanks Samantha.” Lily hugged the short woman kindly, “hope to see you again soon.”

“You too, Ms. Evans.”

"Call me Lily, _please_."

James took her hand boldly, dragging her back through the crowds and to the exit. He pulled her into a corner right before the doors, a set of plotted trees covering them. Lily smiled up at him, scrunching her nose. James pulled her small clutch from his back pocket where he’d been keeping it safe. Lily watched as he drew out her white lace mask.

“What’s that for?”

“To complete the ensemble.” He said as he tied the ribbon around the wig.

James stared down at her, accessing his job. She pretended to curtsy, her eyes flashing up at him impishly. He bowed mockingly, holding out a hand to her. She took it happily, excited for wherever the night took her with James.

“How do I look?” she asked, “Unrecognizable?”

“It’ll do.” He grinned, “just don’t start singing.”

“Right, no singing.” She nodded firmly with a sarcastic roll of her eyes, “that will _for sure_ tip off the general public at ihop.”

“Come on, Red, the Uber will be here any second.”

He tugged her forward by her fingers, his eyes dragging up and down her figure once more before frowning. Lily tilted her head at James, perplexed.

“What?”

“You can’t wear the same costume out.” James said, “the press saw what you were wearing when we got here.”

“Right.”

She looked around the party before she spotted a short girl wearing a poodle skirt coming out of the loo. Lily let go of James’ hand and raced towards the girl with a smile and a friendly wave. The girl was an inch shorter than Lily and wore cat-eyeglasses, but she looked nice enough as she came to a halting stop in front of Lily.

“Hi,” the girl waved, “Do we know each other?”

“I’m erm, Lilian Potter.” She heard James cough behind her, “what’s your name?”

“Elle,” the girl adjusted her cat eyeglasses.

“Hi Elle, weird question,” Lily said, “can we swap costumes? I’m trying to get out of here without getting spotted by the bloke I came with.”

“Sure,” Elle motioned to Lily’s dress, “I don’t mind playing Princess.”

Fifteen minutes later, Lily came out of the girl’s loo in a white button-down shirt and a purple poodle skirt. Luckily, Elle and Lily shared the same shoe size, so they swapped stilettoes for saddle shoes. Elle looked gorgeous in Lily’s costume and radiated confidence as she entered the party further while Lily stepped away from the party and towards James in her sock hop costume.

“Going to do the jailhouse rock?” James joked, eyes tracing her new costume with glee, “Lillian Potter?”

Lily smirked but didn’t give in to his teasing, instead settled for taking his hand. The wig was heavy on her head as they walked out, but it was a good weight. Lily felt safe in her disguise, untouchable by everyone but James. No cameras went off and the wind whipped around Lily’s bare ankles as James drew her away from the club, away from the noise, and closer to home.

When the Uber showed up, James asked the young driver to take them to the closest diner. The driver happily obliged, especially when James handed the kid an extra twenty. Lily leaned against James in the backseat, feeling like a real girl going on a real date. The closest diner to the flat happened to be Denny’s so Lily settled.

The diner was a twenty-four hour stop which meant that at eleven at night, on Halloween, every table was packed. People were in costume and as such, no one looked twice at Lily and James. Lily’s bare legs were still cold as she glided behind the waitress dressed as Amy Pond. 

“Did y’all go dancing?” the waitress asked them, eyeing their outfits and masks, “you look great.”

“Thanks,” Lily said, “we had a party with some of our mates.”

No one even took a second glance at Lily while she walked to their assigned table. It was menacing, because it was the first time in years that Lily had walked into a public place without being recognized and ambushed. Her anxiety about being in public was nothing but a fizzle in the back of her head as she took a seat.

James slid into the booth beside Lily, not across from her, his prosthetic hitting gently against her knee. He was clearly feeling safe because one of his arms slung around her shoulders as the waitress dropped a menu in front of them. She left to get waters and Lily started building her own pancakes. James was laughing at her, trying to reign her in. When the waitress came back, he placed the order.

“We already know what we want.” James said, “two blueberry pancakes, with chocolate chips, and extra whipped cream.”

The waitress jotted James’ order down, “hash browns or skillet potatoes?”

James pulled a face, “erm, skillet potatoes?”

Lily giggled into her hands, realizing he probably was as used to American terms as she was. After years of spending an ample amount of time in America, Lily’s family joked she was practically a citizen.

The waitress looked at Lily lazily, no spark of recognition in her eyes, “What do you want to drink, sweetie?”

“Chocolate milkshake.”

Lily called out when James pinched her side. She elbowed James in retaliation and he just laughed, scooting out of range for another attack. The waitress took their menu and then walked away, talking to a table of five about the soup special.

James leaned his mouth close to her ear, “we’re gonna run an extra mile tomorrow.”

“No!” She sank under his glare, “James let’s take the morning off.”

James glared at her even more, “_morning off_ my arse, you’re just being lazy.”

“Do you expect any other response from me?” She asked, twirling the fork on the table, “my spirit animal is a sloth, Potter.”

James looked at her tenderly, “Red, if the zombie apocalypse happened tomorrow, you’d be dead within a day.”

“I’d make it at least two.” She contended.

“Wrong.” James looked up at the waitress when she placed the milkshake in front of them, “thank you.”

“No problem.” The waitress looked at Lily once more, “honey, did you want another straw to share with you boyfriend?”

“Nah,” she grinned at the waitress, “he doesn’t deserve any chocolate shakes today.”

Lily watched the waitress walk away before glaring at her bodyguard, “you really think you’d last longer than me in a zombie apocalypse?”

James arched an eyebrow, “you can’t run faster than me, so yeah.”

“But I’m richer.” She pointed out, “I could hire bodyguards.”

“Money goes out the window in an apocalypse, Red.”

“You’re saying you would let me die in a zombie apocalypse?”

“Yes,” his eyes sparkled with mirth, “I don’t recall zombie apocalypses in my contract.”

Lily cuddled into James’ side, “fuck the contract.”

His knuckles slid along her bare arm, “yeah, fuck the contract.”

Lily looked up at him through her mask edges. James used his thumb to lift her chin, making it easier to kiss her. His nose brushed the edges of her disguise as he turned his head, grabbing hold of her bottom lip. She leaned into the kiss, pressing her mouth more securely to his. James leaned back and she felt the chills sliding up her spine, aftershocks from his kissing.

When the waitress retuned with their order, she was kind enough to also bring them extra syrup. Lily drowned the pancakes in the sugary concoction amid James’ hearty protests that included a spiel about diabetes. Despite his protest, they shared the plate of blueberry, chocolate chip pancakes. They were fighting each other for the best, most sugary, pieces with their forks.

When they were full, James taught Lily some Turkish words. While they were waiting for their check, she told him about her first tiny skinny dipping. They laughed, arm in arm on the way back to the apartment. She didn’t want the night to ever end.

She felt her spirits drop the minute they turned onto her street. James stayed a professional distance apart. Even in her disguise, now that she was walking into Lily Evans’ house, she could no longer pretend to be a normal girl.

James got the door for her and held it open until she was all the way inside. The heat slammed into Lily like a wall and her toes actually tingled from the temperature change. She’d left her jacket at the party, so she was freezing since the poodle skirt offered little warmth.

Juniper was sitting on the stairs and Lily cooed at June. The fat cat stood up and sauntered over to wrap around Lily’s ankles. Lily bent down to pick her cat up before turning back to face James, burying her head in Juniper’s warm fur. Juniper, always more loving at night, purred in her arms.

James locked the door and turned on the security code but when he called Frank’s name nobody answered. Lily knew Alice was sick, but she’d assumed Frank would cover the night once he was back from Los Angeles. James checked every room before meeting Lily back in the kitchen with a little frown.

“We’re alone.” He confirmed, “no one is here.”

“Think we should pop by her flat?” Lily asked, “She was sick.”

“I’ll go,” James said when she yawned and leaned against her kitchen counter, “go ahead and change, put in a movie, I’ll be back.”

Janes kissed Lily on her cheek before pulling on a jacket and leaving her alone. Lily stood alone in her kitchen, a little fear rising in her stomach. She realized she was alone, completely alone, for the first time in months. She couldn’t remember a time she’d been in her own home alone and with no one nearby.

“June?” Lily squeaked and on cue, the fat cat purred her way over. 

Lily picked the cat up and held her close. Lily went to her room, following James’ simple instructions. She changed into her softest pajamas, took off her make-up and tucked Samantha’s wig under her sink. Lily turned on all the lights in the sitting room and then turned on the tellie. She watched E! News for a little while before she switched channels to Hocus Pocus.

Every movement made Lily get quick bursts of anxiety. She jumped when the ice machine turned on and hugged Juniper tightly every time the old building creaked. Janes didn’t return, not until long after Lily had fallen asleep with Juniper’s comforting weight on her chest. 

“Lily?” he asked, “you awake?”

“_Hmmvvno_.”

He chuckled and the sound spread warmth to her toes. Lily opened one sleepy eye to find Janes leaning over her. He’s hair and shoulders were wet, insinuating that it was raining outside. Lily sleepily watched James as he put his right arm under her legs. His left arm hooked under her armpits and when he lifted it was with great effort, seeing as she was basically dead weight.

Lily slipped her arms around his neck and tucked her nose into his shoulder, falling back to sleep.

The thunder woke her up with a shaking crash that shook the windows on her balcony doors. Shot upright in bed, eyes frantically searching the room for anything dangerous. Thunder cracked again and she felt it in her bones. The third shock of thunder was when Lily heard James curse loudly.

Lily kicked her covers off, throwing open her bedroom door and crossing the hall without a second thought. She raced into James’ room, upset. James was sitting up in his bed, forehead resting on his one raised knee. His brace was on the floor by his bed, his prosthetic off and placed to the side. He was taking deep, shaking breaths that reminded Lily of herself just hours before at the club.

She shut James’ door, letting the darkness cloak them, “James?”

His head shot up, showing her nothing but pallid skin and a fretful expression. Lily walked over to him carefully, slipping into bed with him without asking. Instead of turning away from her, he turned into her like a child, his knee sliding down. Lily wrapped her arms around his shoulders, resting her chin on her hand. James leaned into her hold, like a child might do. 

Another crack if thunder shook the room. Lily and Janes both slid down into the mattress farther. Soon, their heads were on the pillows and her legs were tangled in his. James pulled his covers over their bodies, all without letting her leave his grasp. The thunder shook like the house like a freight train and they gripped each other, both of them lost in their own memories.

Lily knew James had suffered way worse than her, she kissed his shoulder purposely, “everything’s going to be okay.” 

James shook his head into his pillow, “every time it hits, it’s like it throws me back there.”

Curiosity got the best of Lily, as always, “What was it like?”

“What was _what_ like?” He asked right next to her ear.

“War.”

He didn’t answer for a while and Lily thought he might not. His fingers were slipping up and down her sides, like he was feeling to make sure she was real. Every time there was a crack of lightening or the sound of thunder, his fingers stalled for half a second. She snuggled closer to him for warmth, breathing in the smell that was so distinctly James.

“It was a lot like Manchester,” he said, “but worse.”

She reached across his hip, her fingers exploratory, “Hell.”

“Hell,” he agreed, “I see it when I close my eyes. I hear it when the world gets too quiet. I smell it in the streets after a rainstorm. I touch it every time I take off my prosthetic.” 

“I wish I could help you.”

“You’re helping me right now.” 

She kissed his shoulder again.

In the dark they could be anything without anyone finding out.

His fingers stopped moving across the dip in her waist when he felt her lips press meaningfully against his neck. She nosed under his chin, scooting up until her lips matched his in the night. It wasn’t much, but it was something for him to focus on besides the bad memories. James kissed her back distractedly, his hands lovingly pulling her face close. James leaned his forehead against hers when his lips stopped moving, his sigh seeming to bear the weight of the world.

Thunder shook the walls and James pulled her even closer, tangling her up in his sheets. His fingers kept the same repetitive pattern on her waist. The rain was coming down so hard they could hear it on the roof. 

“I wish I’d never gone to war.” 

“I’m not.” she said, her fingers dropping down his face, “we would’ve never met.”

She kissed him again, but James pulled away from her lips, shaking his head, “what are we doing?” 

“Kissing.”

“I don’t want you to think I’m using you.” he said, “I don’t ever want you to think I only want your kisses. Or your body. Or _anything_ from you. You don’t owe me anything.” 

“I don’t think that.” she said, “James, don’t you dare say that again.”

She felt him wince, “are you sure I’m not just as bad as Roosevelt?”

Lily fell against his chest as the revelation of his words sunk in. It was true, James only kissed her behind closed doors, but he was so different from Steven and Lily wished he could see how. She buried her face into James, burrowing close and kissing every inch of skin she could reach. That seemed to pacify him because he relaxed under her mouth.

“You’re nothing like Steven.” she promised when she was done showering him with kisses, “you care about me in ways that he _never_ did.”

“But we can’t be together, not like you want.”

Lily frowned at that.

James let out a long breath of air, “if we’d met under different circumstances, do you really think you’d like me?”

“If we had met under different circumstances, you might’ve had the decency to kiss me sooner.”

He chuckled underneath her, “oh really?”

Once again, Lily imagined them meeting in some alternate universe where she wasn’t famous, and he wasn’t so broken. She dreamed of cute coffee shop dates and little vacations to a tropical island. She would be a schoolteacher and he would teach rugby. They’d have ten kids and teach them all how to dream.

Lily traced his skin in the dark, “James.”

“Hm?” 

“Why _did_ you join the military?”

“I had to.” he said, “I fucked up and no University wanted me.”

James adjusted, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her up so he could rest his lips by her ear. The feeling tickled but she didn’t dare move, afraid it would wake James up and make him stop touching her. Lily didn’t ever want him to let go, even knowing that morning would shake them both from under the sheets. 

“Growing up, I lived the perfect life.” his voice was soothing, like he was telling her a story to get her to sleep, “My parents were well off thanks to my dad selling the family business before I was born. I was the center of their world, never had to wish for a thing.”

Lily played with his hair, loving the way the strands slipped through her fingers like water as he spoke. His lips occasionally brushed across her skin while he talked, sending chills down her spine. Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness and she was wide awake lying beside him, staring at him like he was her everything.

“Throughout school they paid for football, nice clothes, school dances and rugby practice three times a week. I never had to wear clothes that were over two years old and I always had the newest phone. They loved me and spoiled me rotten, even if I couldn’t see it at the time.” James sounded strange, like he was worlds away, “I wish I could go back and thank them for everything.”

Lily pressed her cheek to the pillow, “they know how much you appreciate them now, even if you can’t tell them. They know.” 

“Yeah,” but he didn’t sound so sure, “When they died, I felt like I had nothing, so I bought everything. I drowned my depression in alcohol and threw parties to try and make myself happy.”

“Alcohol and parties,” her fingers grabbed at him, “we are quite the pair, huh?”

“You were so much stronger than me.” James sounded haunted, “you at least put on a show to hide your pain. I flaunted my pain like a true arse. I was failing every class and getting kicked out of all my sports teams. That was a real wake up call, honestly, when I couldn’t play Rugby anymore.”

“So, what happened?”

“I stopped throwing parties and instead, invested the remaining money I had left into fixing up my parent’s old townhome so that I could sell it.”

That seemed like an odd thing for an eighteen-year-old to do.

“Why?”

“I only had one option after school and that was join the Military,” James explained, “my parents left me two properties, the townhouse and a little cottage in Scotland. I decided to keep the Scotland home for when I left the military...or if I ever got kicked out.” 

“You didn’t get kicked out because of your leg, right?”

“Nah,” he shook his head, “they medically discharged me.”

“Are you happy you were discharged?”

“Only because it meant I met you.” He placed a kiss on her head, “the Military was just what I needed in life, a bit of discipline and structure. It helped put me on a path that I figured my parents might be proud of. I was up for a promotion after only a year in the military, thanks to standing out as a leader in training. The world was just starting to right itself and that’s when karma came back to bite me in the arse for being a prick after my parents died. I lost the promotion, my best friend and my military career all in one day.”

Suddenly, Lily realized why he’d been so desperate to get her to stop drinking when she’d gone over the deep end. She wondered if he held back from her so much because he was afraid of something going wrong again. Her hands stopped moving through his hair as she processed that James had been through so much…it's no wonder he wasn’t willing to take a chance on them. Lily was just another thing he could lose in the blink of an eye.

Minerva had been right when she said that Lily hadn’t even walked half a mile in James’ shoes.

“I know how that feels.” she whispered, and he sat up on his elbow, so he was leaning over her, “to be scared of losing it all.”

“But you have the choice,” he emphasized, “you can walk away from this and not lose a damn thing.”

“I would lose you.”

James made a sound that reminded her of a soft moan. She flipped onto her stomach and used her hands to lift herself over him so that her hair fell like a curtain around their faces. He blew her hair from his eyes and she smiled. She leaned into to kiss him again, relishing the taste of him in the darkness. When she leaned away, his hand came up to cup her cheek fondly. 

“You’ll never lose me.” he promised, leaning up to brush his lips against hers again, “I’ll make sure of it.”

“I’m sorry.” she murmured against his lips, “I didn’t understand you when we first met, I was rude and insensitive, a total bitch.”

“It’s fine,” he chuckled and it tickled Lily’s lips, “because I just assumed you were a spoiled, rich white girl.” 

“You assumed I was a spoiled, rich white girl?”

“Yeah, but then I realized I was right—ouch!” He laughed when she hit him in the side, “I’m kidding!” 

James fell back against his pillow, pulling her back down into his chest. He brushed his fingers through her hair, letting his hands linger a long while on her face. Lily felt calm, despite James teasing her. They kissed again, Lily melting into him like his every touch was scorching her and turning her icy skin into water. She could kiss him forever but, he had other plans. 

“Anyways,” he continued his story once he got her to slow down on her kissing, “that’s why I joined the Military, because I lost the chance to go to school and play rugby.”

“Rugby-shmugby.” She said, “you’re a war hero.”

James huffed, “some hero.”

“Hey,” Lily pressed her hands into his chest, pushing him into his own mattress, “you _are_ a hero.”

“I guess.” he muttered, playing with her hair again, “I personally like to think I just got lucky.”

“You are lucky,” she tucked her head into the crook of his neck, kissing his pulse point greedily, “but you’re also a hero. _My_ hero.”

“I was spared for a reason.” James whispered through the darkness.

Lily didn’t want to tell him, but she believed the reason he was spared was to save her. She played with the small batch of hair on his chest, lost in her own thoughts as James drifted off to sleep below her. She listed to his soft snores and fell into her own dreams. This time, there were no nightmares as they slept soundly in each other’s arms.

Lily snuck out the next morning before the clock chimed five. Alice and Frank always came upstairs to talk to James before his ‘shift’. Lily didn’t want to risk them finding Lily sleeping in James’ bed, in his arms, with her hair plastered across his chest and his thumb rubbing patterns into her skin. James kissed her before she left, only making it that much harder to leave him.

Lily crawled into her own bed and breathed in deep, loving that she smelled like him. Juniper looked up lazily from one of Lily’s pillows when Lily pulled the covers up to her chin. Outside Lily’s window, clouds were holding against the sun and promising a wet day. 

Lily waited until she heard James talking before she made a move to get out of bed. She made sure to throw some things around and make a show, all so Alice wouldn’t know she’d slept in James’ bed all night.

All of a sudden, James was in her room kissing her soundlessly with her bedroom door wide open. She melted into his kiss, her hands coming to rest on his shoulders. He moved his lips against hers hastily, pressing her to counter with as much enthusiasm. When he pulled away to stare down at her she couldn’t help but think of _Love Story_, the one song that had been the center of their entire adventure that night.

“_Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone_,” she sang her song softly, her fingers brushing through his hair as she lulled him with her voice, “_I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run_.”

He touched her cheek softly, “Alice called me this morning with good news.”

Lily tilted her head at him, “What?”

“Alice didn’t have food poisoning.” 

“Is she okay?”

James was smiling so wide that Lily wondered what on earth Alice could’ve said to make him so overjoyed. She waited patiently for James to spill the tea and tell her what the Hell was going on. She wasn’t prepared for the news he gave.

“Alice is _pregnant_.”

“What?” Lily jaw dropped, “How? Wait, don’t answer that. When?”

James tucked his fingers under her chin, laughing, “When I went by their place last night Alice was still sick and asked me to go het her a pregnancy test. It came back positive and now Alice is taking _two_ weeks off to go home with Frank to tell their family.”

“Two weeks,” she repeated in disbelief, “two weeks?”

Two whole weeks where it was James and Lily. There would be no complaints about how close they were. James wouldn’t get in trouble for spending nights with her. They had plenty of time to kiss and not worry about the curtain falling around them. It was like Christmas came two months early.

“It’ll just be us?”

“How do you feel about that?”

Lily leaned up to kiss him, showing him her enthusiasm rather than saying it. James sniggered against her lips and hugged her tightly. She hugged him back, soaking in the pure joy radiating off him.

“Let’s celebrate.” she said, “let’s go somewhere!”

“Where?” James asked, “you have to be in England in five days.” 

Lily tightened her hold on his waist, “but my sister's wedding isn’t until the thirteenth.” 

“Yes,” he agreed, “but I told Minerva we’d join her for Friday afternoon tea.”

“When were you planning on telling me that?” She asked, “since I have to provide transportation?”

James winked, “I texted your dad and had him convince Peter to send you home early.”

“You texted my dad?” She hit his chest, “you planned a vacation for me?”

“I was trying to surprise you.” He touched his nose to hers, “but your incredibly hard to plan surprises for, Red.”

He kissed her again, walking her back until she was flush up against her vanity. She didn’t complain, enjoying the arrangements. The cold air from her fan cut through her skin as they kissed each other into a delicious high. She was getting tired of leaning on her tiptoes, so she slid up onto the vanity, holding tight to James as she did. The shift in positions had James settling between her legs, seducing her using hot, open-mouthed kisses.

His hands had her feeling like she was on the set of one of her music videos, purposely toying with the angle of her head. Lily’s own hands were buried in his hair as they snogged, caught up in the way he pulled at her mouth with a deliciously sultry mix of tongue and teeth. She was disappointed when he ripped his mouth from hers until he started kissing his was down her neck.

“I wouldn’t be opposed to another hike.” He murmured into her skin, “you looked beautiful that day we went to the waterfall.”

She snorted, “I was in a baseball cap and leggings.”

She pinched his arse and he used his teeth to nip playfully at her skin. She wished they could go hiking again too, if only because she wanted the bright lights of the city to fade behind her. Neither of them belonged in the city, not anymore. They snogged all day, the freedom making them both eager for contact.

James taught her how to make fajitas for dinner and it was while watching a move that night, that Lily offered up a suggestion.

“Let’s get out of here,” she said, “escape this town for a little while.”

“Where?”

“What about Lake Placid?” She twisted her fingers into his shirt, “it’s upstate and beautiful this time of year, I used to go every year with my family.”

James rubbed her arms as he thought through her suggestion, “it could get messy if someone recognized you.”

“I’ll bring a wig,” Lily pressed up against James, fluttering her eyelashes, “what do you say, Romeo? All that’s left to do is run….”

He couldn’t resist her puppy dog eyes, sighing as he gave up easily, “fine, but you’re telling Peter he has to change your tickets from JFK to whatever small airport is in Lake Placid.”

Lily threw her arms around his neck, kissing every inch of his face in-between her sweet sentiments, “You. Are. Everything. To. Me.”

James laughed and shoved her playfully, “go pack your suitcase, Red.”

Lily kissed him once more, a chaste kiss meant to show her gratitude. James was the one who deepened the kiss. Lily indulged him for a few minutes before she removed herself from his grasp. The cold air between them did little to erase the heated flush on her cheeks. James stared up at her, looking like an absolute lovestruck fool. Her heart lurched as she realized that in the last few months, he’d grown from stranger to—whatever he was now.

Her knight in shining armor.

Her childhood Prince come true.

Her very own Romeo.

“_Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone__. __All that’s left to do is run_,” Lily sang the lyrics to her song _Love Story_ as she left James on the couch to go pack her suitcase, “_You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess…it’s a love story baby._”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will be more sporadic as we head into the Holidays.
> 
> I can't tell you when I'm going to update next but I'll try to keep you updated on Tumblr.
> 
> xxx
> 
> Petals
> 
> PS
> 
> ALL Y'ALL LEAVING ME NICE REVIEWS ARE THE REAL MVPs I CRIED LIKE TWICE LAST WEEK THANKS TO NICE REVIEWS.
> 
> pps
> 
> I only edited this chapter once so sorry if there are major typos.
> 
> ppps
> 
> the bird bites


	12. Holy Ground

**Chapter 12: Holy Ground**

They left the New York City loft at 9:30pm with Lily wrapped up in James' black hoodie. James had luggage in one hand, the keys to the getaway car in the other. They were both covering unmistakable laughs as bags were haphazardly thrown into the backseat of the Acura, both of them caught up in the high of leaving the city behind. Juniper was absolutely furious at Lily for being put in her car carrier and clawed at the cage door the whole time she was being loaded into the car more carefully than the baggage. In fact, Juniper remained aggravated in the backseat until James unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned back to undo her cage door. She was pacified as she leapt into the front of the car with her humans and settled into James' lap as Lily turned onto exit 24.

James shook his head at the fat black cat, "she's so spoiled."

"She is _my_ cat." Lily replied as she adjusted her rearview, "can you get my phone for me?"

"Sure."

James leaned forward, trying not to smush June, and grabbed the small maroon bag resting at his feet. He started digging through the supplies Lily had chucked in there an hour previously, until he located Lily's bedazzled phone. Lily used one hand to keep her wheel steady as she asked her Siri application to call Peter Pettigrew. James, upon hearing Lily say Peter's name, took out his own phone and pretended to be busy texting someone.

"Lily?" Peter's voice filled the car through the speakers, "it's late, is something wrong?"

"I was just calling to ask you to change my flight this coming Thursday," she said, "I know it's out of JFK, but I need it switched to go out of LKP."

"LKP?" there was the sound of typing and then, "why the Hell are you going to be in Lake Placid?"

Lily winced a little at his acidic tone, "I'm taking a tiny vacation before the _Piper_ press tour starts."

"In Lake Placid?" Peter sounded shocked, "but you haven't been there in years, what's going on?"

"I figured it was time to go back," Lily said, looking over to find James cooing silently at Juniper.

"When are you going?" Peter was typing some more, frantically, it sounded like.

"Right now." she couldn't help but smile as James looked up from June to meet her eyes in the dark, "it was kind of a spur of the moment trip."

"I'll say." Peter complained, "How am I supposed to get that cabin cleaned before you get there?"

"I'll clean it up, it's fine." Lily said, "I don't want anyone but you to know I'm there anyways."

"So your security team hasn't been briefed-"

"Well," Lily sang softly, tearing her eyes away from James who was now smirking pompously, "there's currently only _one_member of my security team around."

Peter grew upset instantly, "I swear to God, Lily, if you say James Potter-"

"Hullo Pettigrew," James said quite loudly, with a shit-eating grin, "care to finish that sentence?"

Lily rolled her eyes at both her manager and her bodyguard respectively. James quirked his brows at Lily in response. Peter's end of the phone was dead silent. Lily rubbed her forehead with one hand to try and press out the exasperated feeling in her head.

"I haven't been up to Placid in _years_, Peter." she soothed her manager, "so no one from the press will even think to look for me there as long as you don't tell anyone."

"One local will get one look at you on a trip to the store and that'll change really quick." Peter said, "what's really going on?"

"Nothing." Lily promised, "I just needed to get out of the city for a little while."

"How will you keep your identity a secret?"

"I also brought a wig." she said, "a small black one."

"This isn't the Disney Channel, Evans." Peter sighed, "That only works in the movies."

"It worked the other night." James argued before Lily could say anything, "at the Halloween party."

"She weren't wearing a wig." Peter sounded a confused, "I was there."

"After," Lily corrected, wishing James would stop trying to create trouble with her manager, "I stole the wig from your intern and snuck into a diner, no one recognized me and I had a great night."

Peter sighed on his end. Lily knew he was just worried this would be another publicity nightmare he'd have to ease but she really was certain she could stay out of anyone's papers or cell phones.

"I know you're worried this could end poorly," Lily fluffed her braid on her shoulder, "but I'll be okay, Peter."

There was a long sigh on the other end of the phone. She could hear more typing. Lily waited for Peter to speak, knowing it wouldn't do any good to push him. Peter cared about her but he was also as stubborn as her and right now, he clearly didn't want her going to Lake Placid.

"I take it you're driving yourself?" Peter asked warily.

"Well, you did fire her driver, Pettigrew," James said.

If Lily could have kicked James, she would've.

"I'll fire you next," Lily shot back at her bodyguard, earning a wink from him before she turned her conversation back to her manager, "Peter, when were you going to tell me about that, by the way?"

"He'd been leaking information to the papers, Lily." Peter put on his best manager voice, "I had to let him go."

Lily pouted, glaring at the windshield glass, seeing her own reflection in it. She realized that he was just trying to protect her, but she didn't understand why Peter hadn't told her about the driver. He probably thought she didn't care, but she did. The people who'd been taking care of her for years were like family, even those she didn't always pay attention too. It broke her heart to think that Tom had been talking to the papers.

"Alright," Peter's loud voice from the speakers woke her up from her trance, "I emailed the jet company, need anything else? I can have a cook sent to the cottage, so you don't have to go into town."

"No," Lily said quickly, "Please, Peter, I just want to be normal for a few days."

"You'll never be normal, Lily." Peter reminded her, "but if privacy is what you want, then I'll give it to you. What about Potter?"

Lily side glanced at James, "What about him?"

"Why is he the only guard going with you?" Peter asked, "don't you have two night guards?"

"They took an unexpected vacation," Lily said, "but I don't need three, James does a good enough job."

"I'm sure you think he does," Peter said, "but we don't pay for one guard, we pay for three."

"I already talked to Moody," James spoke up, sounding professional, "He's got Mundungus Fletcher meeting us in England."

"But what about now?" Peter asked pointedly, "who will watch her at night? This cabin doesn't have security systems. It's old and outdated on all security protocol."

"Peter," Lily said sincerely, "it's fifteen miles out of town in the middle of a forest."

"Even more of a reason to have multiple security guards!"

"I'll make sure she's safe," James assured Peter, "I've looked up the town and there's not much to be concerned about."

Peter was quiet before he said, "there's always something to be concerned about."

"Peter," Lily begged, "please, you're making this into a bigger deal than it is."

"You going off the grid for a few days is a big deal," Peter said, "the cell service up there is spotty at best and you could be spotted."

She knew he'd argue with her the whole way to upstate New York. Lily chewed on her lip as Peter continued his lecture, no longer paying attention. James shared an annoyed look with her, likely thinking the same thing as her.

"I'm hanging up now," Lily's fingers reached for the '_end call_' button, "thanks for switching my flight. I'll see you in England."

"Lily-"

"Bye!"  
She clicked the button on her phone and the call dropped, leaving Lily and James in silence. James slumped down in his seat, ruffling his hair. He was annoyed by Peter, Lily could tell. She wished the two boys would come to terms that they both cared about her well-being. Instead, they butted heads at every turn. Juniper stood up and stretched in James' lap. James pet the cat absentmindedly, his good mood ruined by Peter.

"Juniper loves Lake Placid." Lily told him, trying to ease the tension in the air.

James let his cheek fall against his chair as he looked at her through the dark car, "Why?"

Lily liked that she didn't hear any anger in his voice, "It's where I got her."

James tilted his head, "you got Juniper from a small town in upstate New York?"

"Technically mum bought her from a breeder in Scotland and flew Juniper to Lake Placid without me knowing but yes," Lily said, "Juniper and I met in upstate New York."

James ruffled the black fur on Juniper's head, "I can't imagine this fat thing as a kitten."

"She was really cute," Lily defended her cat, "she fit into the palm of my hand and loved tuna from the packet."

"She still loves tuna," James poked the cat's belly, "and whatever else she can get her paws on."

"Stop fat-shaming my cat?" Lily glared playfully at James, "she's sensitive."

"She's the size of a small dog, Red."

"She's just big boned."

"Big boned," he scoffed, laughing.

Lily watched him, his head falling back against the passenger seat and realized she loved him. She loved the way his nose scrunched up as he laughed. She loved how he looked as he tugged Juniper higher on his lap for more affection. Most of all, she loved the way he looked at her when he laughed. He looked at her like she put the damn stars in the sky.

"Did you tell Sirius about us?" she asked when they gone a while without talking.

"No," he said, "did you?"

"Yes," she reasoned, "but he's my best friend, if that's okay?"

James' expression was soft, "I trust him not to get me fired."

Lily let the car coast along the roadway, watching the dark trees move past them. Overhead, the harvest moon shone bright, lighting up the small outskirts of the city that they'd found themselves driving through. Her car thermometer claimed that outside the car, the temperature was steadily dropping below forty.

"I told Minerva."

She looked away from the road for half a second, just so she could see his guilty expression. Lily cracked a smile and let her free hand fall off the steering wheel to grab his hand buried in Juniper's fur. James stared at their connected hands, confused by her response.

"I told her too." Lily admitted.

"You did!" James looked like an excited kid, "I knew it! She was way too calm when I told her that I kissed you!"

Lily laughed, "she wasn't calm when I told her, she was surprised you kissed me."

James lifted her palm to his mouth, "I was surprised too, honestly."

Lily felt warm, all the way to her toes and whole body relaxed when he kissed her wrist. She'd never had any similar feelings for anyone in her whole life. She realized that if she ever did lose James, she'd never get over the way he made her feel. The very thought of losing him was a fear she didn't ever want to face.

They passed a sign that said, 'Welcome to New Jersey' and James dropped Lily's hand, "New Jersey?"'

"We have to leave New York," she explained, bringing her hand back to the wheel, "to get back to New York."

James scoffed, "America is so stupid."

Lily laughed this time, her voice ringing through the car as they joined the flow of traffic. The headlights shone through the dark night, leading Lily and James to their final destination. James pulled out his phone again and was flipping through Netflix, settling on _Christmas With The Kranks_. Lily snorted and looked sideways at him, her eyes sparkling.

"A Christmas movie?"

"It's November," he reasoned, "it's okay."

"It's _still_ fall," she argued, but she settled in deeper to her leather seat and listened to the familiar Christmas music floating through the car, "you were _just_ complaining."

"I'm Jewish," James chuckled, "so I think that means I can both complain and participate in whatever I want whenever I want."

Lily played with her braid thoughtfully, "Jewish?"

"Half," he admitted, "my mum was Jewish-Turkish, my dad was just plain English."

"So you celebrated both?" She pressed her toes on the gas to speed past a small car going 30 in the 60mph zone.

"Yeah," James said, "and dad put the Christmas tree up _three_ months early once just to spite my mum."

Lily smiled at the very thought, "he sounds like trouble."

"Oh he was." James' tone was filled with affection, "he looked for any excuse to bug mum."

"I wish I could've met them."

"I wish I could've met your mum," he said, pushing his glasses up his nose, "I bet she was just like you."

"No," Lily said, falling into memories of strawberry blond hair and toffee colored eyes, "my sister looks more like my mum than I do."

"What _is_ your sister like?" James asked curiously, "I never met her in Scotland."

Lily brushed her thumb against the leather of the steering wheel, "we've not been on good speaking terms for a long time."

"Why?" James' movie was already forgotten, he was focused on Lily's story instead.

"Well," Lily watched the car in front of her merge into the left lane, "Petunia blames me for mum dying."

"Well that doesn't seem fair." he murmured, "or true."

"It is."

"Lily…"

Lily felt tears welling in her eyes and she couldn't look at James. She was taken back to New York City streetlights flickering in darkness. The cold sunk into her bones like a blanket made of the snow that had been falling the night Rose Evans died. James reached across the small space to run his knuckles across her cheek, knowing she'd lost herself in memories.

"Lily?" he said her name, and it felt like coming home.

"Haven't you wondered why I named an entire album after my mum?" she asked miserably, leaning her cheek into his touch, "Why I went on a whole tour dedicated to her memory? It's because I didn't know how else to cope."

"Cope with?"

"Knowing that my mum would still be alive if I hadn't-if she hadn't-"

"Do you want me to drive?" he asked calmly as she wiped her eyes.

Lily shook her head, sniffing loudly, "I'm fine."

James sounded haunted as his fingers wrapped between hers, "you don't have to lie to me, Lily."

Lily had never actually admitted her fears or beliefs out loud, not even to Sirius. There was something absolutely horrifying about the thought of it all that had kept her silent for years. James had a way of making her admit her bad parts, even if she only tried to show off the good. She supposed that's why she was in love with him, because he loved her when she couldn't love herself.

"Lily," whenever he said her name, it was sweet and comforting, "you didn't kill her."

"No," Lily's watery eyes were turning headlights into blurry white lines, "a drunk driver did, on a dark country road in the middle of New York on the first day of the year. Mum was driving ahead of the family to Lake Placid. We were going to go sledding. We were going to celebrate my birthday early, before I had to go back to recording."

James' hand stayed firm, "are you sure you want to go there?"

Lily kept her jaw firm as she nodded, "I-I have to go back with you."

"Why me?"

"Because you make everything better." Lily told him the truth, "you make all that blue, turn to—turn to _red_."

"That sounded an awful lot like lyrics." James smiled knowingly.

"I could write a whole album about the way you make me feel, James Potter."

His eyes were sad, almost black, as he leaned over in his seat to kiss her cheek. Lily sent him a wobbly smile before turning her attention back to the road. They drove out of the city, into a dark wooded forest. Lily slowly stopped crying, but the front of her shirt was wet from her tears. The occasional town past by the windows, but for the most part they were alone with nothing but the night.

James had switched his phone off and instead, they settled on a radio station that was playing soft pop. Juniper had crawled to the floor by James' feet and was fast asleep. James fiddled with his phone silently for about an hour before addressing her again.

"Wait, you're going to her wedding?"

"Who?"

"Your sister." James said, "you're going to her wedding even though she's made you believe that it's your fault?"

"Dad would be brokenhearted if I didn't." she shrugged, "he's always cared for Petunia extra, since she never got the attention I did."

James sighed and leaned in his window, "I can't wait to see this wedding drama play out."

She perked up at the thought, "you can be my date!"

James laughed, like she said something funny, "yeah, right Red, let me go buy you a bouquet." he said, "and a dragon, while we're talking about impossible things."

"I like roses too."

"Lily." His voice warned her not to push it, "I can't."

"As far as anyone else will be aware, you're just there to protect me." she said, "I'll even keep my arse grabbing to a minimal."

James pinched her thigh, "arse grabbing? At a wedding?"

Lily sent him a simper of a smile, "you have a great arse, James."

He rolled his eyes and leaned in so that his mouth brushed against her ear, "thank you, Red," she was stretching closer to him as his lips dragged along the underside of her jaw, "but I think you're forgetting one little thing."

"What's that?" she hummed happily, having half a mind at stopping at the closest gas station and snogging him in the chip's aisle.

"One, tiny, little thing." his fingers dipped across her neck.

"If you say contract I'm going to-"

He smiled into her skin knowingly, "I can't break my contract."

"Fucking hell." Lily pulled away from him and pressed down on the gas a bit too fast, "killjoy."

James chuckled and leaned back, "in six more months, feel free to keep telling me how great my arse is."

Lily pulled her arm up to purposely hit James as he fell back against his own seat, "what's so important about six months?"

James' eyes were twinkling at her, "haven't you realized?"

"What?"

"I've already been with you for six months," he said slowly, "my contract is only twelve months, which means on June 1st…"

Lily's mouth fell open as she realized what James was implying. All of a sudden, his teasing didn't seem so cruel.

"You get a new contract," she perked up and then, immediately deflated, "wait, but if you get a new contract with me that still doesn't _help_ this situation."

"I wouldn't get a contract with you." James said simply.

Lily lurched back, affronted, "you-you wouldn't?"

"No, Red," he said, "I wasn't lying when I said I wanted to be with you too."

She allowed herself the chance to sneak a peek at his face. The streetlights shimmered through the sunroof onto his curly hair, illuminating it. His eyes were shadows in the dark but still so full of warmth, making Lily realize he was all she wanted. He was the Prince Charming she'd always been waiting for so she supposed she could wait a little while longer to make it official.

For now, he was all hers.

They settled into the last few hours of their drive, watching _Stranger Things_ and arguing if Jim Hopper was alive in the upside down, or actually dead. James was certain he was dead, and Lily was certain he was alive. She agreed to disagree by the time the car was pulling through the dark and deserted Lake Placid Streets. It wasn't until trees rose up around them in the dark and the headlights were their only light that James realized they weren't staying anywhere near town.

"Taking me into the woods to murder me, Red?" he teased, and she turned onto a dirt road.

"The cabin is on Star Ridge," she explained as the car jounced around on the bumpy road, "it's 25 acres of private land that we purchased with some of my winnings from _Sing It!_ As a kid."

The darkness only seemed to get gloomier when Lily drove onto the rocky drive of her old family vacation home. It was hard to see in the dark, but Lily vaguely made out of shape and size. James whistled as he wrestled Juniper back into her cat carrier but caught sight of the house thanks to the headlights from the car.

"This is a Cabin?" he muttered as Lily turned off her headlights and put the car into park, "it's three stories!"

Lily shrugged, "The third floor is only the master bedroom and hot tub."

"_Spoiled_." James mocked as he handed Lily Juniper in the carrier, "hold your cat, I need to put a jacket on."

Lily scrunched her nose at James spiritedly before getting out of her car and stretching out her cramped legs. The cold air stung Lily's face as she raced through the darkness to the old porch. An automatic light turned on from above Lily's head. The golden glow lit up a placemat covered in cobwebs and brown leaves. Lily felt a pang in her chest when she saw the Christmas trees on the corner of the porch, untouched and soiled by the elements after years of abandonment.

Lily could playback hundreds of memories associated with the small porch, she was just too tired after driving for six hours. With a deep breath, Lily set Juniper's carrier on the ground. She walked over to an old pot made out of tiny orange and red tiles pieced together with cement. Lily picked up the mosaic pot and smiled triumphantly when she saw the familiar key beneath it. Lily's mum had painted the key pink, just in case it slipped between the brown boards of the porch.

Lily stood upright and twisted the familiar key in her fingers as James climbed the staircase, "we always kept a spare key, just in case I needed a quick getaway."

James arched a doubtful eyebrow at her, "what a great security system."

Lily danced past James. She placed the key into the doorknob and turned clockwise until she heard a faint click. When the door opened, Lily was hit with the smell of cinnamon and burning wood, a smell forever embedded into the cabin walls. She flicked on the hall light before welcoming James inside with two fingers. James had two of the suitcases, both of them dropping to the floor when he started looking around.

Lily closed the door after grabbing Juniper and as soon as Lily opened Juniper's cage, the cat bounded up the stairs on Lily's left. She was likely going to her favorite hiding spot in Petunia's old room. Lily shook her head at the fat cat before turning to find James stretching as he looked at a dusty family photograph on a shelf.

Lily wanted to explore the cabin, but truth be told, she was exhausted. She looked at her phone and saw it was 4:34 in the morning. They'd both been up all night.

"Want to go to bed?" she asked James when he turned away from the frame.

James nodded, motioning around, "Which way? I'd fancy a shower too."

Lily had to agree as she picked up one of the pieces of luggage. James took the other and followed her lead up a creaky wooden staircase.

It was like walking through a time capsule. The bannister was still covered in Christmas garland and every window had a red candle covered in dust. Lily deliberately looked away from the only proof that once the old New York cottage had been full of family and love. She didn't want to see herself in the photographs lining the walls, for fear she wouldn't recognize herself anymore. Meanwhile, James was soaking everything around him like a sponge.

Lily opened the door to the master bedroom, the heavy door protesting the movement. Lily was overcome with emotion when she saw the giant family photograph hanging over the king-sized mattress. Her throat closed up tightly when her eyes dragged over Rose Evans, laughing as she hugged her girls. Petunia looked like Rose, they had the same hair and eyes, but Lily still thought her mum was more beautiful than her daughters could ever be.

"You okay?"

"The loo is over there." Lily pointed to an attached room.

James spotted the door to the loo and snuck past Lily, going right in and turning the light on. He seemed to sense she didn't want to talk about the family lining the walls.

Instead of following James, Lily busied herself on pulling the old sheets off the mattress. Once she'd replaced all the bedding with linens from the hall cupboard, Lily focused on warming the room up. Despite being what Peter considered rustic, the cottage did have centralized air and heating. Lily turned the heat on full blast, ignoring the layer of dust on the thermostat. She'd have to clean in the morning when they woke up.

James exited the loo twenty minutes later, his hair wet and plastered to his face. He was wearing a nothing but his joggers. Lily looked up from her phone with a mollified smirk as she admired his glistening skin while he lay face down on the bed, giving a satisfied groan.

He rolled his eyes at her hungry look, but his cheeks were red, "shower's hot."

"Not as hot as you."

She purposely smacked his arse as she rolled over him to make her way to the loo. James threw a pillow after her retreating back, but she heard him chuckling favorably. She couldn't wait to come back out and snuggle right up to his side.

The shower was hot, and the water washed away the grime of traveling. Lily got out, found a towel and went into the room to find clothes for bed. She fished a soft long-sleeved shirt from her luggage before shamelessly dropping the towel and changing right in front of James. Lily noted that James pretended to be super interested in something on his phone, instead of her. She sighed loudly and purposefully as she threw her shirt over her head, earning a look from James. His eyes watched as her extra-large shirt fell over her body, covering it up just as he shot a glance.

His eyes dragged down her thighs, like he'd never seen them before, "Coming to bed?"

She beamed at him. She jumped over to the edge of the bed and climbed over the fluffy comforter until she joined James. Lily's body fell into his, her hands instantly settling into his side. James helped pull the covers over her bare legs as she kissed his chin, then his nose and finally his mouth. James' eyes fluttered and he kissed her back, but he kept his hands to himself.

"Time for bed." he murmured against her mouth, "it's been a long night."

She kissed him for a while longer, relishing the moment his bare hand touched her thigh, pulling her leg closer. Lily, always so eager, let her fingertips drag up his side until they rested on his neck. He was wearing nothing but his boxers now, his prosthetic ditched on the side of the bed. Lily let her fingertips drag across his mouth before her hands traced back down his bare side. James quivered against her touch, his mouth opening further against hers to envelop her senses and heart.

He paused his kissing, pulling back to stare at her with a strange look on his face. She pressed her nose to his, wondering what in earth he was thinking about. He almost looked, peaceful, soaking in the silence between them. They were both exhausted and their hands became stationary on hips and hearts. Lily fell asleep with James all over her, her whole world radiant from his affection.

Hours later, Lily woke up to find the bed empty. Well, almost empty, seeing as Juniper was sleeping where James' head used to be. Lily yawned and stretched her toes. She stuck a hand outside of the warm covers to pet Juniper as she listened for James. The windows were showing off a scenic mountain scene, the autumn leaves colorful against the dark blue sky. Juniper barely moved as Lily pet her and watched the wind rustle the leaves outside her windows.

A noise sounding similar to pots and pans banging together made Lily finally leave the warmth of the comforter. Lily put on a thick black robe she found in the loo before following the sounds, intrigued. She eventually found James in the quaint kitchen on the second floor. He was washing all the dishes, a huge pile in the farm sink. Lily leaned against the doorframe, her smile invigorating as she watched James clean.

"Busy, busy." she said, announcing her presence.

James looked up, his hair falling into his eyes, "Good afternoon."

"How long have you been up?" she asked, looking at the clock on the wall, "What time is it?"

James shrugged, "I think I was up around noon?"

Lily walked over to the sink and started drying some of the dishes that he'd set on a towel. They worked in silence, both of them totally comfortable. James lightheartedly splashed bubbles in her direction. Lily hip checked him as she put away the spoons and forks. Outside the windows of the kitchen, the autumn day was calling to her.

"Want to go for a hike when we're done?" Lily asked James, knowing his answer before he gave it.

"I'd love too," he said, wiping soap bubbles from her chin, "but we ought to run to town, the only food I found were cans of beans that look hundreds of years old."

"Those are granda's." Lily laughed out loud, "He said we should keep this place stocked, just in case war breaks out and we need a safehouse."

"Smart man." James flipped a plate over, "but I don't fancy beans and toast for every meal, how about you?"

"I think I have a box of ramen in here someplace…" Lily laughed again when he pinched her arse impishly through the robes, "James!"

"Lily!" he mocked her voice before picking up the last dish to wash, "Honestly Red, if you want ramen, we can find some ramen."

"You mean it?" she asked warily, not trusting him since he pointedly made it clear she ate horribly.

James leaned down to press a chaste kiss to her cheek, "if you're happy, I'm happy."

They finished cleaning the dishes and put the china away in the cabinets. Lily took James on a tour of the cottage, caught up in her old memories. She showed him the spare bedrooms, spending extra time in the one she'd slept in as a kid. There were several old guitars laying around and a piano in the great room. Lily sat at the piano and played the opening melody of _Fearlessly Red _lightheartedly. The piano needed a tune, but it was still in good shape in case she was itching to write anything.

Lily kept ahold of James' hand, not wanting to ever let go. James didn't seem to mind Lily dragging him all around. In fact, he looked rather delighted when they came to the wide window that took up a whole wall.

"Look there," she pointed to a swing outside the window, "I wrote _five_ different songs right there, in a whole weekend!"

"I'd fancy a swing or two." He said jokingly, swinging an arm over her shoulders, "I haven't been on one since I was a kid."

Lily spun to face him and then was startled into a pause when she saw the large dining table in the far-right corner. It was set, ready for her family to come and have a New Year's Day feast that never happened. Lily felt her heart fall into her stomach. The set table was holy ground, a place that had remained untouched since her mother died.

"Red?" James murmured.

Lily tugged her arms around herself as she pulled from his grasp, "I didn't ever want to come back to this house."

He asked, clearly nervous, "do you want to leave?"

Lily walked over to the dining room table, turned time-capsule. The cherry wood was covered in dust, a stark reminder to how long it had been since Rose Evans died. A vase filled with colorful Christmas ornaments and dyed lights sat in the middle of the table. Lily's fingertips brushed against the gold lined china that was set out perfectly by Granda. Lily father had placed a fork and knife at every plate, expecting a hearty meal and not expecting to plan a funeral.

"I was sitting at the kitchen table in New York with Petunia," she sniffed as she remembered the day out loud, "the police called on mum's phone."

Lily remembered Petunia screaming in horror, not believing the news. She remembered calling her father, sobbing because she didn't know what to do. Lily choked back a sob as the overwhelming feelings of sadness settled back into her bones. James looked at Lily as if he were tortured by her every word.

"Oh Lily," James swept into her from behind, his arms wrapping around her waist, "are you sure you don't want to go someplace else?"

"I don't know." She admitted sorrowfully.

James nuzzled his nose into her hair, "I'm sorry, Red."

Lily put her hands on top of James' hands, "do you think you could go back to the bar where you lost Remus?"

He stiffened and then admitted, "I don't know."

Lily sniffed miserably, "My mum is dead because I asked her to drive ahead to the cabin, because I was waiting for Steven to show up. It was me. I am the reason she was on the road so late. I'm the reason she's dead."

Lily felt James kiss the top of her head. It didn't help the pit in her stomach. She didn't understand how she could've let her mother leave New York in a snowstorm because she'd been too anxious about Steven. She couldn't believe she'd been so self-absorbed that she hadn't thought about her mother's safety.

"You couldn't have known she'd get hit." He said, "you didn't force her to do anything."

"But I asked her to go."

"Oh Lily," she felt him shake his head, "how are we so alike?"

She sighed miserably, "you lost your leg trying to _save_ someone, it's not the same."

"Maybe," he whispered, "we've both been hard on ourselves."

Lily turned in his arms so she could face him, "Maybe?"

He used one of his hands to wipe away her tears, "we definitely have been."

She remembered watching Petunia take one of Lily's Grammys and watched as she hurled it across the room, shattering the window. She could paint out the exact scene when her father sank to his knees. She could remember how many fat tears rolled down Granda's face at the funeral. Lily could sing about the pain until her lungs ran dry.

"I never got over it." she confessed to James, "I've tried so hard."

"You never get over losing someone you love."

Lily felt so low, she couldn't feel much at all. James' arms were strong around her, keeping her close. They rocked back and forth on the spot as they both stayed adrift in their own stories. James brushed his hands through her hair, loosening her messy braid. Lily gripped him harder, so thankful for his very existence.

James took a long shower, during which Lily took to cleaning up the cabin. When she got a shower, she heard James talking on his phone nearby. Lily got dressed in leggings and a bulky old sweatshirt that she found in the closet. It smelled like her dad and she hugged it close as she pulled on a black wig over her braided red hair. Lily tucked lose red strands away and she watched the woman in the mirror turn from Lily Evans, into a stranger.

James came into the loo and took a startled step back when Lily turned to face him. The hair barely brushed her shoulders, a stark contrast from her long hair. The black strands fell into her eyes, the fringe long and dramatic. James wrinkled his nose, tilting his head at her.

"Does it look that bad?" she asked anxiously.

"It doesn't look bad." he shook himself, "it's just different."

Lily and James got into the car, Lily taking the drivers seat as James pulled directions up on the GPS. The air was crisp, the breeze chilly. Lily turned the heat on as she drove down the old country roads. James turned on music and they both sang softly to _The Mowgli's_.

She felt safer taking James' hand because of the black wig. When they walked into the small grocery store on the edge of Lake Placid's downtown district, no one glanced their way. James kissed the top of her head as they strolled casually down the aisles, picking out food to make for the few days they were there. Lily got excited when she found chicken flavored ramen and dropped two packets into the basket on James' arm. They spent several minutes in the frozen goods section, deciding between ice cream flavors.

It hit Lily at check out. It was her first time in a grocery store in years. She couldn't recall the last time she'd gone grocery shopping for herself. The thought somewhat uplifting, made Lily's expression go soft. She was still smiling as she pulled cash out and handed it to the woman working the register.

"Hello Molly," Lily said cheerily after reading the woman's name tag, "How are you today?"

The woman couldn't have been much older than James and Lily, probably eight years or so. She had freckles everywhere, and her hair was redder than Lily's. The woman gave the impression of being compassionate, when she patted Lily's outstretched hand kindly. Molly took Lily's cash and started counting the change.

"I'm good, honey, how are you?" Molly didn't even look twice at Lily's face.

"Good." Lily said, looking at James to find him staring at her with a lovestruck expression, "we were getting some food for the next few days."

"You two in town for skiing?" Molly asked as she handed Lily her change, "not a great time to come, we still haven't had any snow."

"I can't ski," James admitted as she put their things into a bag, "so lack of snow doesn't concern us, I'm afraid."

Lily nodded, "we have to be back home at the end of the week."

"You sound British." Molly noted, "you two came a long way for just a few days."

"We're hikers." James lied, throwing a protective arm around Lily, "not much of that to do in England. Too much rain."

Molly brightened, "well, it's the perfect time of year for hiking here."

Lily nodded fervently as she put her change into her back pocket, "it's gorgeous up by Star Ridge."

"Well," Molly said as Lily grabbed the one bag James couldn't, "If you're looking for anything else to do while you're here, I highly recommend checking out the Autumn Festival at Swift Farms tomorrow night."

"A festival?" Lily asked, intrigued, "do they have cider?"

Molly nodded, her blue eyes crinkling, "buckets and buckets of it, my son Charlie drinks about ten glasses a night if he can."

Lily looked at James, "we have to go!"

James laughed at her childlike expression, "whatever you want, Red."

Molly passed James a receipt before adding, "have a great day."

"Thanks," James said sincerely before motioning his head at the door, "let's get this home before the ice cream melts."

Lily drove again. James admitted that he hated to drive because the prosthetic makes everything difficult if it freezes up. They both sang along to John Denver, as they drove up the streets. Lily almost ran a red light, because she was too busy looking over at James.

The drive back to the cabin was peaceful and just what Lily needed. The music was soft, the windows were rolled down and the autumn leaves were falling down like pieces into place. James had one of his hands out the window, cutting the wind with a tight hand. The wind was keeping his curls in a wild mess atop his head. Lily never thought he ever looked more handsome than he did against the red and gold backdrop outside his window.

James, when they'd first met, had been so uptight and anxious. The James sitting beside her as they drove back up a dusty road was so relaxed that he was singing to the music on the radio. He had an awful voice, it was true, but Lily found his imperfections to be so endearing.

To Lily, James Potter was a masterpiece.

She took her time getting back to the cabin, purposely turning down a wrong road. The ice cream did melt, so Lily stuck it in the back of the freezer the moment they got home, praying it wouldn't taste weird after refreezing. James helped put the food away, still humming along to the music in his head. They both ate a bowl of ramen, Lily teasing James endlessly about it as they ate. James complained about the taste but ate the whole bowl before traversing into the kitchen to find something else to eat.

Finally, Lily looked at her phone and convinced James to take a walk to the top of the hill to watch the sunset. They both pulled on coats and scarves, Lily removing her wig happily and shoving her red braid under a hat instead. James took her hand as they started to climb the hill with a slow walk, his eyes looking to the top where she'd promised spectacular views.

They pushed themselves to the top of the hill, looking out at the mountain range as the sun set into the clouds and hills. The trees burned red under the setting sun. Lily leaned into James as she watched the clouds turn into a light pink and purple around the orange haze. James wrapped an arm around her shoulders, tugging her in close. Their bodies stayed linked, even as they started back down the hill.

Lily noticed downhill, James was having trouble with the prosthetic, "want to slow down?"

"I'm fine." he promised, "it's just harder going down."

"You'd think the climb would be harder." Lily mused.

James shook his head, "you'd think."

Lily still slowed, allowing James to have better control over his prosthetic. Once they were back on flat ground, he stopped limping so much. In fact, he was back to outpacing her. James' arms tightened back around her as they made their way into the house. After a small snack of chocolate ice cream, they went to bed, uninterested in doing much else than spend time in each other's company.

The moon was bright when Lily crawled under the covers. James sat at the edge of the bed, slowly taking off his prosthetic. He pushed a small white button on the side of his would-be thigh, an action that must've made it easy for him to slip the whole leg off. A thick white gel-like cover was covering the skin left, disappearing under his boxers. Lily watched as James pushed his fingers up and slowly rolled down the white cover. Left behind was scarred, battered skin. Indentations in the skin showed where the surgeons had sewed up his skin.

James looked up when he realized she was watching keenly and his cheeks darkened, "sorry."

Lily frowned and shook her head, "you have nothing to apologize for."

"It's kind of…" he trailed off, staring down at the marred skin.

Lily huffed and sat up, crawling over to his side and kissing his cheek. James turned to catch her mouth in a self-assuring kiss. She ran her fingers across his chin before breaking away, her green eyes dusky. James' hazel eyes were reflected hers, glowing in the dark. Lily rolled, planting her feet on the wooden floor. James watched with wary eyes as she pulled the soft gel cover from his fingers and placed it on the bed side him. Lily then kissed each of his fingers, eyes never leaving his face.

"I still think," she said, "you're the bravest man I've ever met."

If James could've turned any redder, he would've, "I'm no one special."

"Can I touch it?" she asked, her fingers hesitating just above his thigh.

James' jaw clenched and then unclenched, "yes."

Lily waited until his shoulders relaxed a bit more, her eyes assessing his every move. The air between them was concentrated with anticipated friction. Lily knew that James letting her touch his leg was intimate, as intimate as sex in some ways, so she only lightly touched his thigh. Her fingers danced above the marred skin, waiting for him to actually relax.

"Go ahead." His voice was raspy, "you can't hurt it."

James swallowed thickly as her fingertips slid along his soft, unharmed, skin. When she kneeled down and her fingers brushed down where his kneecap should've been, James jumped. She let her hand fly back to her chest, looking at him fearfully.

"Sorry," she apologized, "did I hurt you?"

"No," he looked shaken, "no it's just—"

"Just what?"

James grabbed her hand and placed it on the pocket marked skin. Her skin slid against his, feeling the rough parts and feeling fire light her cheeks. He stayed very still as he guided her hand over his scars. She wished she knew what to say but she was too busy memorizing the last part of James she'd considered a mystery.

"_I'm a paper doll all taped together_," she sang softly, "_and you're a beautiful mosaic of broken parts, forever."_

His hand pressed to her cheek, "I'm fearlessly yours, Red."

His last wall came crumbling down and she leaned in to kiss his scars, her lips pressing into the skin with a directed pressure. She made sure to stay looking up at James with complete adoration. Her fingertips traced the indentations, loving each one that made James who he was. James just looked down at her, like he couldn't believe she was real.

That only made Lily want to kiss him more.

She stood back up hastily, settling between his thighs and placing her lips against his once more. James kissed her back; his hands reaching around to grab her arse and pull her closer. Lily settled her into his hold, her tongue teasing and prompting his mouth to open willingly against hers. With her hands in his hair and her heart pounding in her chest, Lily felt like she was in heaven.

The kissing took off, faster than a race car at a green light. Getting out of the city had given them their own place where they could block out their pain with a few well-placed kisses. And it was good, not thinking of anything but how James tasted and felt against her. Lily's hands dragged down his bare chest as she lifted one leg up until her knee hit the mattress. James' hands helped to lift her on top of him, changing the angle of their snogging.

"Thank you," It was invigorating, having him trust her so wholly with his own flaws in the way she trusted him with her own.

James leaned back to eye were suspiciously, "why are you thanking me?"

Lily cackled and leaned forward in his lap, taking his cheeks in her hand, "thank you for trusting me enough to let me know even your deepest of scars."

She kissed James again but soon, his mouth was tasting the skin on her neck. Lily could feel her heartbeat quicken as his teeth made their mark, just above her pulse point. She had to hand it to James, because he wasn't holding back in any way. His hands guided her head to tilt back, giving him better access to taste her throat greedily.

It was scorching, having James worship her so uninhibited, and so Lily really couldn't help but to slide farther into his lap. She provoked him, adjusting her weight intentionally until he gave a frustrated exhalation. His hands left her hair to tug her hips back down and into his. Lily caught James' mouth on hers with a victorious smile. It was impossible to fight the fire growing between them as they kissed, their bodies creating a friction that had Lily forgetting anything that wasn't _James_.

It was the most sensory fused and intense snog they'd ever had, making Lily wonder if it would ever stop. She kind of hoped it wouldn't, especially when James fell back into the mattress, taking Lily with him. She was completely on top of him, only his mouth and his body on her mind. She fucking loved feeling James so aroused by her and when she let a tiny curse slip from her throat breathlessly, he responded by wrapping his arms around her so he could turn them.

Lily was suddenly on her back, kissing James as her legs mindlessly wrapped around his torso. James leaned on one elbow so he could push his hand under the cotton of her shirt, his hot fingers exploring patches of skin wondrously. She sighed happily when his mouth started traveling back down her throat. The shift in bodies caused one of her legs to drop from around his torso and so she pushed her weight against her heel, all simply to press her hips to his.

She was reaching to take her shirt off when he stopped her, "easy, Red."

It shouldn't have shocked her, but it did, causing her to pull back completely. Her other leg dropped from around him, leaving her cold and untouched underneath him. James remained on his elbow, hazel eyes taking in Lily's disheartened stare. He let his fingers dance across her stomach, his eyes searching hers.

"I want to do this right with you." He murmured.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I haven't-I mean I have-but I haven't since-"

She realized James was nervous, and she felt bad for giving him a hard time, "We don't have to do anything that you don't want to."

"I just need a little more time," James' hand cupped her cheek, "it scares me that for the first time in a long time, I have something to lose."

"How many times do I have to tell you?" Her words were filled with emotion, "you can't lose me."

"You're so—" he was at a loss for words as she threw her arms around his neck to pull him close.

He was so cute when he was flustered and butterflies fluttered in her stomach as she leaned her forehead to his, "I just need you." she told him, "I just want _you_."

They kissed, Lily relishing in the golden promise that came with his hands racing up the front of her body. Her own hands dragged through his hair, the strands wild and untamed. She pulled back, persistently laughing into his kiss when his lips followed her needlessly. Lily reached up to trace James' bottom lip with her thumb, her eyes molten. James lightly kissed her fingertip lightly, eyes sparking up the dark night.

"I love you." he murmured when she lowered her hand.

His smile put her to ease and she felt more in love with each passing second. The three words meant more to Lily than anything that James could've done. The implications behind the words were that he knew there was no going back. He knew they'd reached the penultimate point in their story. IN six months, when his contract was over, they'd reach the end of the story. Lily just couldn't wait for the sequel.

"I love you too." she swore, "I love you so much."

And that's when the doorbell rang.

"What the Hell?" James cursed.

"I have a _doorbell_?" Lily asked simultaneously.

Lily knocked her forehead against James' temple as she sat up in surprise. They both groaned from the contact and grabbed their foreheads, a pounding headache replacing Lily's burning need to snog James all night. James cursed as he rolled off her, reaching for his prosthetic. Lily climbed out of the bed, checking her forehead in the mirror. She was going to have a little red bump from their accident.

James was stumbling around, "did you ask Sirius to come?"

"No." Lily sat on the edge of the vanity, "why the Hell would I want him here, when the point was to snog you every second of the day?"

The bell rang again, and James cursed loudly as he pulled his leg on.

"Who even knows we're here?!" Lily whined miserably, "James, what if it's a murderer?"

"A murderer wouldn't ring the doorbell."

"Oi!" a voice called up from downstairs and Lily froze.

James' face paled, "Lily, did you leave your key outside?"

She shook her head no and James cursed again. He pulled on his jeans and reached for his gun on the cabinet. Lily realized they were in real danger and her heartbeat quickened. As quickly as the fear came, it was gone when the intruder called out in a heavy Yorkshire accent.

"Mr. Potter? It's Mundungus Fletcher!"

"Fletcher?" James looked at Lily in wonder, "that's the bloke Moody said was going to replace Alice and Frank when we got back to England."

Lily's jaw fell open and she hissed at James horrifically, "your boss sent the new guard _early_?"

"I'm going to kill Peter." James snarled.

"Peter?" Lily asked, "what are you going on about?"

"He's the one who knew where we were going." James said, as he stuffed his shirt into his belt, "Moody didn't know."

Lily didn't know why, but she had a feeling that Fletcher's arrival really was of Peter's doing and James wasn't making shit up. Lily heard Fletcher, the new night guard, make it to the second level. He was still calling their names. Shit would go to Hell if Fletcher found James getting dressed in her room.

Lily crossed her arms and watched James leave the room, upset. She could hear him reach the second landing. She listened for any sounds that implied the man wasn't who he said he was but sadly, James was talking in a normal voice. She paced the room, waiting for James' return. When he finally did come back, he was sporting a sour expression.

"Fletcher said Peter called my boss." James whispered, closing the door behind him, "he wanted you to have one other guard."

Lily stomped her foot on the ground like a child, "What do we do? This is supposed to be _our_ vacation."

"Looks like we'll have company." James placed one last kiss against her lips, looking as put out as she felt, "I have to go, Fletcher will be wondering where I've gone."

Lily's hands folded into his shirt. James shook his head no, a warning in his eyes. Her grasp on his shirt loosened and she broke contact, already feeling alone. James stared down at her like she was breaking his heart.

"I love you." He whispered miserably, "I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize, I just wanted to finally—" Lily shook her head, "I wanted to come here and be with you! I wanted to be able to hold your hand whenever I wanted. I wanted to go on cute little dates with you. Apple picking in an orchard, hiking in a forest—James, I just wanted to be normal."

"Pettigrew was right about one thing," James tucked her hair behind her ear, "you'll never be normal."

She stared at her feet, dejected, because James was right. She would never be normal or live a normal life again. No matter what she chose to do with her remaining life, there would always be a part of her that was global pop sensation Lily Evans. She couldn't run from who she was, no matter how hard she'd tried.


	13. The Best Day

That night, she found sleep very far away from her grasp thanks to James' sudden move to one of the small bedrooms on the second floor. He'd taken his suitcase out of the room stealthily, moving himself out hurriedly. Lily felt gloomy, even if she knew it wasn't James' fault. She directed most of her crushing bitterness at their new companion, Mundungus Fletcher.

The king-sized bed in the room was too large and too cold without James next to her. Lily tossed and turned until two in the morning, her fingers always aching to reach for the indentation in the mattress that wasn't there. After trying to sleep for hours, Lily finally gave up and decided to go get a snack from the recently stocked kitchen.

Juniper barely moved when Lily pushed the covers off. Lily snuck around the room on her tiptoes while she pulled on a thin white sweater over her silk nightgown. She casually checked her appearance in the mirror, finding that the circles under her eyes were darker again. Lily sighed, frustrated, before grabbing her phone. Lily used her flashlight app to make her way through the dark cabin without drawing attention to herself.

She had no idea who Mundungus Fletcher was, or if he was someone she'd want to hang out with. While Lily didn't like Frank at first, she was at least close with his wife. Lily missed Alice and the late-night chats Alice provided when Lily couldn't sleep, and James was being distant. Lily missed James the most, seeing as he was the only person who could get her to sleep soundly. Lily felt like having Fletcher arrive was worse than if Frank showed up on the doorstep.

Frank kept to schedule that she could easily convince James to sneak around. Frank might've been super perceptive but he'd known James for so long that Lily was sure Frank wouldn't want James getting reassigned either. It was the only thing that had probably saved James this far in the game, especially after the night James got into a fight with Frank over Lily.

Once Lily made it to the kitchen, she pulled a tray of fresh eggs out of the fridge. The noise of the door opening and closing made someone appear in the doorway. Lily almost dropped the eggs, had it not been for the familiar black clothes. She deduced pretty quickly that she was looking into the eyes of her newest guard and looked him up and down warily. The vest he wore had an emblem from Moody and Associates Security. He didn't look friendly, but he didn't look mean either. Lily actually couldn't read Mundungus Fletcher very well.

"Hullo." She offered her greeting with a sort of smile, "you must be Mr. Fletcher, I'm Lily Evans."

Mundungus Fletcher was an older man with a buzz cut and few words. He just grunted at Lily, before turning back around and likely returning to whatever he'd been doing before. Lily felt kind of bad for the bloke, since there wasn't a security system for him to monitor. She really did only need one guard at Star Ridge, there wasn't much to protect her from besides herself. Still, Lily knew if she called Peter and told him that she only needed one guard, Peter would ask Lily to send James back to New York.

Lily wasn't going or staying _anywhere_ without James close by. No one else made her feel so safe and understood. He was close to perfect in Lily's eyes, but it wasn't because James was perfect...merely that he was imperfect...and she purely wanted to kiss every inch of his face.

Lily was sure Fletcher was a nice man, but she couldn't help her vehement feelings towards him as she slammed a frying pan onto the stove burner. Thanks to Fletcher's untimely arrival, Lily hadn't gotten to spend nearly enough time alone with James. Based on the way he'd been kissing her, and the way he'd been touching her, Lily had a feeling that she might've gotten some of the liberation she'd so been craving from James' charismatic touch.

Lily cracked four eggs into a bowl before adding a bit of water. She danced from foot to foot as she stirred the eggs with a fork from the drawer directly behind her. Lily added salt and pepper to taste before placing the bowl of mixed eggs down and making her way back over to the fridge.

As she rummaged for the ham they'd bought at the store, Lily found herself humming the lyrics to a song that hadn't been written yet. Another song for James, one with a sultry underlying tone that melodically pronounced how seriously she needed him. Lily's bare feet danced along the wooden kitchen floor, the refrigerator lighting the mood in an harsh synthetic light. She bounced back and forth on her heels as she tasted some of the ham straight from the package.

"After all my hard work teaching you to cook, do you really only know how to cook eggs?"

James had come out of his room. A little thrill ran up her spine when she realized he must've been having a hard time sleeping without her. Lily turned tightly on one heel to face him. She threw the ham on the countertop with the eggs, shot James a stifling look, and then turned back to the fridge to find some cheese.

It was no shocker to Lily when James came around the island, behind her, and placed two sturdy hands on her shoulders. One of his hands curved her red hair away from her neck, allowing him to place a quick kiss to the back of her neck.

"Do you have a problem with eggs?" Lily kept her tone level; just in case Fletcher could hear them.

James leaned into her, "You're a _hopeless_ cook, Red."

"That's what I have you for."

"Is that why you keep me around?" he sounded amused, "my cooking?"

"Among other things..."

She turned to face James, taking his hands and pulling him into the small bit of light they did have. He was so damn close that she could see the storm in his eyes as their hands met in the middle. He snickered softly, slowly guiding her into a rocking dance under the glow of the refrigerator light. Lily's shirt floated like a dress around her hips as she twirled silently in James' arms. They were dancing in the kitchen, with Fletcher having only to glance into the kitchen and see them. James seemed to realize this too, because he let his knuckles brush Lily's cheek before stepping away from her.

Still, the short dance only proved he was feeling the same magnetic pull as her. She knew he loved her, and she loved him. For everything, that was all she needed.

Lily stood beside the open fridge, the cool air cutting through her clothes. He could see right through her, noting her tired expression and anxious demeanor. Time had given James so much. Six months was a long time to get to know someone, let alone fall in love with them. Lily considered she'd never been so close with anyone in her entire life. He memorized her fears, hopes and dreams. She just wanted him to stay.

But if James stayed, if James kept his contract, then they'd continue their little dance between lovers and professionals. That wouldn't do, she couldn't keep waiting for shadows to fall to kiss him. Six more months seemed agonizing enough, let alone another year.

It was only when James started cooking her eggs with ham that Lily remembered why she was in the kitchen in the first place. She grabbed the shredded cheese before closing the fridge door. James caught the bag when she tossed it in his direction. His glasses were leaning left on his face, James looking over the lenses instead of through them. Lily sat on one of the barstools on the other side of the kitchen island, just taking in James's dark figure.

James was caught up in his cooking, his hands methodically ripping shreds of ham into the sizzling eggs. Lily put her chin on her hands, watching the way he turned her quick meal into a large omelet filled with cheese and ham. She stood up and got some plates. One for James, one for her.

James cut the omelet in half with the spatula before putting one half each on a plate. They sat on the island together, close enough to each other that if Fletcher walked in, no questions would be asked. Lily had plenty of questions herself.

"What are we going to do about our guest?" Lily murmured, cutting another piece of her omelet with her fork.

"Be careful," James's voice was low, lower than she'd ever heard it, "don't get caught?"

"But why is he here so early?" Lily wondered, "I told Peter—"

James cut her off, "I bet Frank put Moody up to it. He hates how close we are."

"If he only knew _how_ close we are." She kicked his ankle suggestively, "and how close I wish we were _still_."

"I'd lose my job were that the case." James said painfully, "but the truth is, I'm a little upset Fletcher showed up when he did."

"Is that so?" Lily scooted closer to him, "why?"

James looked over at her, "because I didn't want to stop kissing you."

Lily was chewing the inside of her lip as she sent him a pleased smirk. The only light in the kitchen was coming from little twinkle lights on trellises over the island. The blinked yellow and covered the couple in a lighting fit for an old movie.

"Do we have to wait?" she asked foolishly, "can we just tell everyone?"

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No."

"Then we're not going to tell anyone who can reassign me to someone else."

"Yeah, yeah." She speared a price of ham with her fork, "I still maintain you quit."

"Lily," James sighed, already upset with the turn of the conversation, "not right now, please."

"When would be a better time?"

The words slipped from her mouth and she was suddenly back on a stage in a dress, Steven begging her to hold back. Steven Roosevelt hadn't understood her, and he tried to control her. James wasn't controlling, just annoying, so she didn't feel remorseful for snapping at him. He deserved to know when he was being a prick.

"Really, Evans?" James rubbed his temple, "we've talked about this…six months to figure it all out. That's all I'm asking for."

Her face dropped, "you're sounding an awful lot like Steven."

She got down off the island and walked her plate over to the sink. She purposely didn't look at James, not wanting to see how he'd reacted to her comparison. She scrubbed the cheese off her plate with a vigorous attitude, her temper getting the better of herself. He was being stubborn, and she was too opinionated.

Lily would do anything for James, if only he asked. She would've thought he'd do the same for her, but he wasn't budging on giving up his job. Between the two of them, they were fighting fire with more fire. Lily did love James but damn, they both had a lot of issues. Not to mention they were both determined and typically fired up about something.

James came around, placing his dish in the sink before placing a hand on her shoulder. When she didn't move or look at him, James sighed her name tragically. It hurt her so damn much, knowing that she was hurting him and vis versa. Her hand paused and the scrubber fell into the sink. Lily turned her chin to find James staring at her with a depressed stare.

"I'll understand if you want us to stop being physical," James assumed, "I don't want to hurt you, not ever."

"You didn't hurt me, not intentionally." She hissed.

"But I still hurt you."

"I'm sorry I compared you to _him_." she replied, "I'm just frustrated."

James ruffled his black hair, "do you want me to leave?"

Lily shook her head fleetingly, "I love you."

"I love you too," his shoulders dropped, "but we can't keep arguing about me leaving my job."

"I can take care of us."

"I don't want to be taken care of." His eyes darkened, "can't you see that?"

"Why don't you let people _help_ you?" she asked, "why are you so stubborn?"

Lily pursed her lips and dropped her stare to her feet. James grumbled, stepping into her, his hands grabbing hers. His thumb ran over her palm. Lily felt like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders while she imagined what would happen to them in the future. Eventually, the world was going to test them outside their limits, and she didn't want to lose him for anything.

She lifted her sad gaze to find him looking at her like she was made of gold, "I _can't_ lose you."

"I'm yours." he promised, "I'm yours now, yesterday and forever."

She pointedly glanced around the doorway, "what about Fletcher?"

"He'll never catch on," James reached out again to tuck her hair behind her ear, "besides there are plenty of spots to for a quick kiss."

Lily wrinkled her nose, "we're not snogging in my broom closet."

"We don't _need_ a broom closet, Red."

As if to prove a point, he took her hand and dragged her over to the wall beside the doorway. He tucked her into a dark corner, smile flickering the corners of his mouth as she stared up at him. She let him keep nudging her backwards until she was pressed between James and the wall. The light stayed on her face until he leaned down to her level, casting his shadow over her like a safety blanket.

"All I know," he breathed, "is every day I spend with you is the best day."

He kissed her softly, lips barely brushing against hers. All her fears, trials and tribulations faded away when he kissed her. His fingers traced her arms like he was feeling out the chords of a guitar. No matter what the future held, Lily knew there was no going back when it came to their personal relationship. Kissing James felt like coming home and there was no way she was letting that kind of magic get away from her.

"Come back to bed with me?" she beseeched under his sweet mouth.

"I don't trust Fletcher not to come looking for me since it's his first night," James apologized quietly, "we're stuck sleeping alone until I'm positive he's not going to need constant attention."

"What about me?" Her hands tugged at his shirt between them.

James arched his brow at her, "what about you?"

"I need constant attention." Her mouth traced his jaw and she was gratified when his hands tightened at her hips, "Specifically, I need _your_ constant attention."

James tucked his finger under her chin, making her head lean back and provide a better angle to kiss her. She took in a deep breath against his lips, James' scent enveloping her. Her arms wrapped across his shoulders, her fingers linking together behind his head. She knew, based on the way he was acting, that he wasn't giving up on them.

So, she wouldn't give up on them either.

Lily just knew that eventually; she'd have to find a way to convince James to leave his job. She didn't think she could stand having him get her reassigned to anyone else. She also couldn't stand the thought of James being her guard for another twelve months because that meant they'd have to keep dodging rumors, press and their friends.

He placed one hand on the wall beside her head, leaning in to brush his nose to hers sensually, "you're the first thing I think of when I wake up, and the last thing I think of before I sleep…"

"What about the in between?" Lily asked, touching him gently on his chin before he answered.

"I live in the in-between." James kissed her intensely before adding, "where you're always there waiting for me standing in your best dress, fearless."

His chest rumbled faintly when she kissed him suddenly, her hands grasping his cheeks with a desperation pulled from the very depth of her fear. She had his tongue caught between her teeth and he had his hands traveling down her chest. She could taste the sharp tang of cheddar in his mouth and he could feel the way her breathing was tapering. She tried to be discreet, knowing Fletcher didn't have to listen too hard to hear things in the house. It was getting increasingly harder to do so with James' fingers under her sweater and his mouth at her ear making her lose focus.

"James," she pleaded, drawing her hands through his hair, "let's go to bed, _please_."

She thought she had him right where she wanted him, especially when James kissed her on the mouth again. She caught his upper lip and tugged casually, inviting James to heat up the moment in the dark kitchen. With the lights off, it was intoxicating having his hands explore her cool skin. That's probably why she was so stupefied when James somehow gathered the strength to pull his mouth and fingers far away.

James left Lily hot and breathless against the kitchen wall, her hands reaching for him as he abandoned his post. Her arms flew up, allowing her to grab at the hair on her scalp with a feverish sort of moan. The ghost of his fingertips on her skin was still there, lighting Lily on fire while James walked away. Lily leaned her head against the pink flowered wallpaper behind her and sighed. Lily's fingers danced across her collarbone friskily as she replayed the way he'd touched her so gently.

He wasn't coming back, leaving her to daydream what would've happened if he had stayed. She slowly danced her way back to her room, discarding her sweater and satin gown all in one. Her legs were tingling, and she wasn't able to get out of the feverish dream. In her own head, Lily's own wandering hands were James' hands and her bare skin was waiting to be touched. Lily turned on the water to her bath, leaving it on long after she'd climbed in. She muffled her erogenous melody with her free hand, saving it for James' ears, and James' ears only, when the right time came. James might not have been there physically but damn, if he wasn't every spare thought in her mind.

She thought of their first time running on the beach, when he'd checked her out as she gasped for air. She thought of James' hands tracing her body like an artist might trace a sculpture. She thought of him carrying her to her room, of him caressing her face and of his unwavering belief in her. She replayed his laughter, over and over. She needed him and she was certain if he only understood how much and how guttural that need was, he'd be singing the same song she was.

Lily grabbed one of her guitars soon after her bath. Lily settled cross-legged in the master bedroom, a pen and paper in front of her. She strummed chords, her head dancing from side to side as she wrote a new song.

_I've lost a lot dear_

_You've lost even more_

_We're both praying, not even religious _

_Calling each other fearless_

_Standing on either say of the door_

_I know I can't stop the world from turning _

_or make it reverse_

_but I wish that I could play God for once_

Lily fell asleep with her pen in her hand, her guitar resting at her side. She was jolted awake quite sometime later to Juniper pawing at her face. The cat was meowing, as if asking her if she was alive. Lily groaned and rolled onto her stomach, her red hair falling into her face. She took a deep breath, her lungs filling up with dust and cat fur from the floor.

Outside her wide windows, the autumn sky was gold.

"Morning June." Lily said, the clock reading a little past six thirty in the morning.

It took Lily an hour to leave the room, taking a long shower before applying her makeup and putting on her wig. She was determined to have a good day, despite the arrival of Fletcher. When she got downstairs, James was outside doing push-ups. She studied him through the windows for a moment, admiring the muscles on his back flexing. Fletcher was sitting on one of Lily's sofas, smoking a joint.

Lily wrinkled her nose when he realized and sent the new bodyguard a glare, "please don't smoke in here."

Fletcher bolted upright and pulled his cigarette from his lips. He was coughing like a person who'd smoked their whole life and he pounded his fist on his chest as he stood up. Even standing, Fletcher barely reached Lily's nose. For once, she wasn't the shortest in the room. He hadn't even realized she was standing there, even though she'd taken her time admiring James through the window.

"Sorry ma'am." He awkwardly stuffed the joint behind his back, "didn't know ya were home."

Lily arched a brow, "where else would I be?"

Fletcher shrugged, "I'll take this outside."

Lily watched Fletcher open the back door with narrowed green eyes. James looked up when he heard the door open and James' eyes looked past Fletcher to see Lily standing there. They shared a sad look. Lily couldn't believe she already missed Frank; someone she'd been desperate to get rid of only days before. Lily especially missed Alice and texted the blond to tell her so right away.

_Ur 2 sweet! _Was Alice's quick reply. _Frank and I miss u 2! _

Lily had just settled on the kitchen island with a bowl of Cheerios when James walked through the back door, finished his workout. She admired his bare chest, stuck for a while on the curve of his shoulders. When Lily finally looked at his face, James looked pleased. She motioned at him with her spoon.

"Like your outfit."

"I liked the one you wore last night better." Was his reply, looking at her leggings and t-shirt like he was looking right through them, "that tiny little slip?"

"I can go change."

"Don't we have someplace to go?" He asked expectantly, like he was hoping she'd say they'd run away to Rome together for the day.

"Hiking." Lily said decidedly, "and Fletcher _isn't_ invited."

James chuckled abruptly, "he's off until tonight anyways. He was just asking me if there were any bars close by."

Lily lost her smile and rolled her eyes, "he's a step down from Frank and Alice. You're sure he's from your company?"

"Positive." James said as he grabbed a banana from the counter, "Frank hates his guts, complained about him all the time at the concerts."

"Great." Lily deadpanned, "we get the company drunk."

"Apparently," James chewed his fruit thoughtfully, "Moody says that Fletcher was in trouble and this is his last post, so he shouldn't give us too much trouble."

"What did he do?" Lily wondered, "burn down a house with his joint?"

James tossed the banana peel in the bin, "no, he apparently fell asleep too many times at venues."

Lily perked up at that, "so he's drunk, high and lazy?"

Suddenly, getting Fletcher was looking up. If the bloke was as big a dunce as the rumors claimed, Lily could practically snog James in broad daylight. James saw the intrigued curve to her smile and smirked too.

"We _still_ have to be careful." He knew exactly where her mind had gone.

"But not as careful as we'd need to be if he was a clone copy of Frank." Lily shook her spoon at James, "that means you can sleep with me."

"Is _that_ what that means?"

"Don't try and tell me you slept well without me last night."

"I sleep just fine without you snoring in the middle of the night."

"I don't snore!"

James sniggered at her scowl, "Sure, Red."

He ruffled his black hair as he went to his room to change for hiking. He came back out ten minutes later in jeans and a comfortable black fleece. Lily preferred him shirtless, but she couldn't very well ask him to remain shirtless the rest of the day if they were going hiking. James waited for her to eat and then they both laced up their sneakers.

Lily waited as James talked to Fletcher on the back porch before coming in and motioning at Lily that they were clear to bounded down the hallway like an over excited puppy. James closed the front door behind him as Lily jumped into the driver side of the black shiny car out front. Using the keys that she'd nabbed from a key holder, Lily turned the car on. She cranked up the radio as James got in on the passenger side.

Her heart was racing with their pending freedom and her hands were tapping enthusiastically against the steering wheel. She only drove to the end of the drive before putting the car in park again. James eyed her, puzzled, until Lily unbuckled her seat belt and caught his bottom lip with her mouth. He laughed into her kiss, a real laugh that sent tingles to her toes. She wanted to drown in his laughter, go so deep that she could never escape the way it ripped her away from the world like a tide.

"I love you."

She'd say it every day, every hour, until he knew and understood what he meant to her.

In response to her declaration, he deepened the kiss, his hands on her face. The car made it hard to actually enjoy a good snog, with a arm rest between them, so after a few seconds Lily pulled back. James traced the edges of the black wig she'd put on. The strands were glossier than real hair, the only indication that Lily was playing dress up. Lily let her limbs go back to the steering wheels and started driving again. James grabbed her closest hand to hold as they drove through the countryside, following signs to a park where they could hike.

He held her hand tight as they drove and drove, finding a park far enough away. They talked as they packed a small bag to take up the mountainside, forgetting any names that weren't their own. They started the hike on the paved trail that led along a lake. Birds were fluttering between branches and a herd of deer were eating grass by the lake edge. James held Lily's hand the whole time, only letting go once to point out a stray cat bounding into the woods.

The air was crisp and cold, cutting through Lily's sweater even though the sun was out. They smiled at another couple, out for a walk. It was the most normal Lily had felt in a really long time. Content, she leaned against James' hold. James responded by tossing his arm around her shoulders and playing with the edges of her black wig.

"Why are you always playing with my wig?" Lily teased, after she had to adjust it for the fifth time.

"I just miss your red hair." He claimed, "I wish you didn't have to be someone else to be with me."

Lily's expression softened and she kissed his hand, "it's just a wig, I'm still me."

"I know," he shook his head, "but I'm partial to the red-haired Lily Evans, not her alter ego."

"Alter ego?" Lily smirked, "what's my alter-ego's name?"

James smirked, "what did you tell that girl on Halloween? Lillian Potter?"

James playfully pushed her, then caught her before she could get too far. She laughed, leaned, and pressed her lips against his. James' mouth instinctively opened against hers, expecting her to throw herself into him. He knew her so well, sometimes even better than she knew herself. They kissed until Lily's cheeks were redder than strawberries and his hands were pushing against her arse in a way that was not suitable for a public hiking trail.

They sent each other pleased, tempting smiles the rest of the hike. By the time they made it back to Lily's car, she was inching to kiss him again. Another need was stronger than her need for James though, because Lily's stomach was begging for food. It growled loudly as they drove down an old highway, looking for quick food. Lily turned into a small gas station that had a BBQ pit on the side.

Locals were sitting around a bonfire where a giant pig was smoking. Lily and James were hardly looked at while they took seats at a table near to the fire. James settled into the seat beside Lily, instead of across from her. When he slung one arm around her shoulders, she leaned into his touch impulsively.

Their waitress was a bubbly girl with thick black eyebrows and curly brown hair. She introduced herself as Carmen, setting waters down at their table for them.

"Our special today is pulled park," Carmen said as she pulled out a pen and pad, "are either of you interested?"

"Can we have a second to look at the menu?" James asked politely, "we've never been here, I'm afraid."

Carmen's intelligent black eyes registered James' accent, "are you two visiting from London?"

"Yes," Lily said, gaining Carmen's full attention, "Have you ever been?"

Carmen dropped her head to the side, her black eyes tracing Lily up and down, "no miss, but one day hopefully." She shook her head, her black hair fanning around her face, "can I get you two something to drink?"

"I'll take your cider," James told the waitress.

Carmen nodded, dropping her pen to her paper before flirting her eyes up, "and your wife?"

Lily sat up in James' arms, her hands falling below the table instantly so Carmen wouldn't notice the lack of wedding ring. It was easier to pretend she was right, then try and lie. James' hazel eyes twinkled as he tightened his hold around Lily's shoulders, as if Carmen's mistake was no mistake at all.

"I dunno," James turned his amused eyes on Lily, "what would you like, love?"

_Love_.

James called her a lot of things.

Red, was his affectionate nickname for her and something that came from one of their first times bonding together.

Evans was what he used if he was annoyed or impassive.

He used Lily rarely, typically only in moments of heavy emotion.

Love though, _love_ was a breakthrough of contentment. It was a term someone said to the person they couldn't live without. Lily wanted him to use the word again, her brain going a mile a minute as she tried to figure out how to trick him into changing her nickname from _Red_ to _Love_.

His one, true love.

"Red?" she hadn't answered him, and her blank expression had prompted James to nudge her.

Lily licked her lips, her heartbeat dropping when she finally realized James and the waitress were waiting on her answer. Lily dropped her head, the black wig edges tickling her chin. She stared at her ringless finger under the table.

"I'll just have water, thank you."

Carmen nodded and walked away, only taking a second to glance back at Lily and James. James noticed how she was quiet, and for once he didn't ask questions. Lily's fingers itched to write more lyrics, and she grabbed an old napkin to write down their song. James watched as her pen wrote down the words fluttering around in her head.

_You've got scars_

_And I got mine_

_But darling, we have time_

_Call me love, fit my poem like a perfect rhyme_

He kissed her cheek as she scratched out one line to replace it. His lips drifted to her ear, tucking her fake black hair back.

"Are you writing a song about me?"

"No," but she was holding back a smile when he purposely kissed right behind her ear.

"Liar."

Lily put down her pen and turned her head to kiss him flat on the mouth. The fire provided a crackling background to their soft, uninterrupted kisses. Lily only opened her eyes and pulled away because another verse drifted into her mind as she kissed him. James laughed, a little put out, as she grabbed her pen again.

_The last time we touched it felt like I flew_

_High in the clouds, alone at night, without you_

_I'm dreaming of our debut_

James leaned in, his mouth tickling against her ear, "what's it called?"

Lily turned her green eyes to him, cleverness and confidence radiating in her smile, "I typically pick the name after I write the whole thing," she pressed her nose to his, "sorry to disappoint."

His hazel eyes twinkled, and he opened his mouth to respond when Carmen came back, her little notebook flipped open. Lily looked up guiltily at Carmen before nudging James in the side with her elbow, sending him a silly look. James licked his lips and chuckled as he straightened his glasses.

"Have you two picked your dinners?" Carmen as another server place James' cider in front of him.

"I'll have your special." Lily told Carmen nicely, "thank you."

James picked up his cider, "I'll also take the special, thanks!"

Carmen nodded and placed her pen and paper in her apron. She looked between James and Lily, her black eyes calculating. When she was done looking Lily up and down once more she motioned to the napkins.

"Did you need some paper?" Carmen asked Lily.

"No," Lily flushed and grabbed her napkins, stuffing them into her pocket quickly, "I was just doodling."

"Alright," Carmen said, chewing on her lip as she turned away to go get their food.

Lily watched the girl go for a moment before turning her attention back to her muse. James was watching Carmen leave as well, a line between his eyebrows. Lily nudged his hand with her own, so he'd look away from Carmen. His appearance was tainted with worry.

"What?" she asked him.

"I think she recognizes you." James murmured.

Lily visibly deflated, "What? Why? James?"

"She keeps looking at you like she can't figure out who you are." James said, "so I don't think she's actually managed to figure out who you are."

"And if she does?"

"We have a Hell of a lot of explaining to do, since we let her believe we were husband and wife."

"James," Lily hissed worriedly, "what if she looks up your name after we pay?"

James clearly hadn't thought about that, "well _fuck_…"

"If she's one of my fans," Lily said, "she'd piece two and two together. Quickly."

James frowned, "We have to go."

Lily's eyes widened at him, "We just ordered!"

"We can't risk it," James said, "they'd reassign me, one more picture…one more slip up…and I'm gone."

Even though she knew he wanted to keep his job, she just wished he'd quit. She wished he could give up the job he didn't need. She wished she wasn't so scared of losing him to another celebrity. At the same time, the thought of James remaining her bodyguard was torturous. She didn't want to have to keep kissing him when no one was looking because she wanted to kiss him when _everyone_ was looking.

James pushed her slightly, so she was hanging halfway off the chair. Lily got the hint and started standing up. Carmen was back with fresh pork sandwiches, looking confused. Her black eyes ran over the sheepish couple as she set their meals on the table.

"Is something wrong?" Carmen asked.

Lily glanced at James before looking back at Carmen and using her thickest accent possible, the one Granda taught her, "we have to leave last minute." She lied, "we just realized we forgot American money."

Carmen's face fell, "oh, will you come back?" she danced on her feet, "my parents were excited to have someone besides our local regulars for once."

"We'll come back," James said, "we just don't have the ability to pay you."

"Well," Carmen looked down at the hot sandwiches, "I can't serve these to other customers, so I'll wrap them up to go for you."

Lily's heart ached, "no, Carmen, thank you, but we really can't accept free food."

Carmen looked hurt as she turned on her heel, "and I refuse to let good food go to waste, I'll be right back."

Lily hit James' chest and hissed, "she's so sad!"

"I know!" he said, "but if she recognizes you—"

Carmen was back with a box. She placed the pork sandwiches inside and added the cole slaw. James awkwardly accepted them from Carmen. Carmen turned her gaze back to Lily, her black eyes ominous. She looked absolutely crushed that Lily and James were running away. Lily wished there was something she could do to repay Carmen for her kindness without giving away her identity.

"We'll be back as soon as possible." Lily promised, "and we'll bring triple tip."

Carmen nodded, dropping her eyes to her shoes. James nodded and took Lily's hand. Lily felt heartbroken as they ran from Lily's identity, again. They were getting into the car when Lily saw Carmen running out of the restaurant, waving something in the air. Lily paused, one foot on the car. Carmen came to a skidding halt in front of Lily, holding a napkin in her hand.

"You—you dropped this." Carmen panted, passing over the lyrics Lily had written that night.

"Oh," Lily said, reaching out to grab the crumpled-up napkin from the waitress, "thank you."

Lily turned away from the girl, but Carmen grabbed Lily's wrist. James leaned over in his seat, jaw set. Lily turned her cheek to meet Carmen's black eyes. Carmen swallowed softly, black eyes flickering with tears. Lily took a deep breath, feeling the fear set in.

Her whole weekend was about to come to an abrupt end.

"I won't say anything," Carmen promised, "I—I just can't believe you're _here_."

Lily swallowed thickly. Carmen tucked her black hair behind her ear before she wrapped her arms around herself. She self-consciously dropped her gaze to her feet, something Lily sympathized with. Lily wanted to run, but Carmen's clear emotional turmoil was keeping her feet planted on the cold, hard ground. Carmen lifted her beautiful eyes to Lily's face again, her lip trembling.

"Those lyrics you wrote were beautiful." Carmen whispered and Lily flinched, "I'm sorry I looked, I didn't know you—I mean I picked it up to throw it away. I thought it was just doodles like you said. And then I saw your handwriting."

Lily's eyes narrowed and she whispered, "my handwriting?"

Carmen lifted her left arm, grabbing the sleeve and pulling it up. Under the streetlights, her dark skin burned. Lily's eyes found what Carmen was pointing at, a collection of words forever tattooed into Carmen's skin. Lily knew the words well, since she was the one who wrote them.

_And darling, it was good never looking down_

Lily stared at the tattoo, then back up at Carmen's face. Lily couldn't help but admire the sweeping curves of the 'g' that made the handwriting her own. Without meaning too, Lily let her eyes water and then spill over. She reached to touch Carmen's tattoo with wonder.

"I knew you looked familiar." Carmen murmured, "I met you when I was twelve and again at fifteen. The second time we met, I had you write down the _Holy Ground_ lyrics, just so I could get them tattooed on when I turned eighteen."

Lily took a shuddering breath, the tears free flowing, "I'm sorry, I don't remember, Carmen."

Carmen was crying now too, and James got out of the car. Lily ignored him, focusing all her energy on Carmen. Carmen was shaking, her emotions getting the best of her. Among the little black letters on her arm, were scars. They were long and thin, but completely healed over. Lily grabbed Carmen's hands tighter.

"Is _Holy Ground_ your favorite?" Lily asked kindly, "is that why you chose it?"

Carmen nodded, cheeks glistening with tears, "_Holy Ground_ and _State of Grace_ mean everything to me."

Lily smiled, "thank you for loving my music, you're so kind."

"Lily…" James muttered behind her, "we have to go…Mundungus texted me to ask where we are."

Carmen looked sadder. Lily asked the girl if they could hug and Carmen nodded as Lily wrapped her arms around the young woman. Carmen hugged her back, both their cheeks pressing against each other. Lily didn't let go of Carmen, letting Carmen make the first chance to move away. Lily felt Carmen take a deep breath before she pulled back, rubbing her eyes.

Carmen sniffed, "I promise won't tell _anyone_ you're here."

Lily nodded, "thank you, Carmen, but I have to get back home."

"New York City." Carmen's shoulders dropped.

"Yes," James jumped in quickly, "We've got a long drive back to the city."

Lily realized James was covering for them. Even if Carmen did say she met Lily Evans she'd also say Lily was back in New York City. It was a genius move and she could've kissed him for it. Lily promised Carmen she'd visit again, after the _Piper_ premier. Carmen hugged Lily one more time and Lily couldn't bring herself to say goodbye to her fan.

"I have a tumblr," Carmen said, "I know you aren't online anymore but next time you are; can we be mutuals?"

"What's your URL?"

"HolyCarmen." She breathed in relief, "you liked one of my posts two years ago!"

"I'll look." Lily promised as she got into the driver's seat, "and I hope to see you at my next tour."

Carmen looked gleeful, "does that mean we're getting a new album soon?"

Lily sent a smile in James' direction before she returned her gaze to Carmen, "maybe, but first, I have to go on tour for _Piper_."

Lily turned the car and then asked out the open window, "Carmen what's your last name?"

"Same as this place," Carmen pointed back to the firepit BBQ, "Galarza."

"Thank you," Lily said, "I hope we see each other again soon."

Lily pulled out and Carmen waved goodbye until the car was too far in the distance. Lily asked James to text her Carmen's full name but that was all she said to him. James was silent on the ride back, arms crossed across his chest. Lily turned the car off once they were in the drive of the Star Ridge cabin. The cabin lights were on and Lily saw Fletcher move in one of the windows. Lily put down the keys and turned to look James up and down.

Fletcher walked out the front door, a whiskey in his hand. He grinned a gold smile, his teeth having been replaced by golden caps.

"What are we doing tonight?" Mundungus called to her, "Potter mentioned you wanted to go out?"

"We're going to an autumn festival," Lily said rolling the window up and then opening her door, "in town."

"Great." he motioned to the car, "Nice car."

"Expensive car," James said exasperatedly, "you'll want to grab a jacket, Fletcher, it's cold out there."

Lily waited until Fletcher had disappeared before she addressed James, "you'll come too right?"

"Of course." He said, "if Fletcher asks, I'll tell him I needed a drink."

"Something tells me he won't ask."

Lily was right. Fletcher didn't even blink twice when he got in the backseat of Lily's car. Fletcher was on his phone, texting the entire drive. That didn't make the car any less unpleasant. Lily wished James had sat in the passenger seat instead of the back with Fletcher.

Lily used her phone to locate Swift Farms, the location where the festival was taking place. She found it easily, thanks to the fifty or so cars that were lined along the road. Lily parked behind a blue pick-up and checked her wig one more time in the mirror. Carmen had recognized Lily, so she wondered if it could happen again.

Fletcher and James walked on either side of Lily, an act that only made people stare as she walked through farm gates covered in lights. James seemed to sense their stares because he fell back, leaving Lily with Fletcher. Once inside the crowds though, it didn't matter where the boys stood.

A giant barn was the centerpiece of the festival, the doors flung open to reveal a band and dance floor inside. Tents surrounded them, filled with foods and goods from Lake Placid's locals. There was a paddock filled with horses seeking spare carrots from a few kids in plaid coats. Lily was lost in the pure aesthetic of it all, taking in all the smells and sights.

Lily led her bodyguards to a tent where they were making cider. Lily used cash to purchase one for each of them. Fletcher added whiskey to his, leaning up against one of the poles and sighing as he took a swing of his spiked cider.

"That hits the spot."

Lily shared a look with Janes, who had calculating eyes behind his cup. He was unusually quiet and somber. He was acting like the James she'd met in Manchester, not the James she'd fallen in love with. She had to get rid of Fletcher, so she and James could talk.

Lily walked up to every tent, trying all the food she possibly could. One jewelry tent kept her attention for a while, the handmade ornaments making her examine each piece for its uniqueness. She ended up purchasing a pretty turquoise necklace and leaving behind a set of pearl earrings. She'd stared at the earrings for a while, but eventually decided to only get the necklace.

The party of three walk amongst families, farmers and tourist alike. No one even looked funny at Lily. The festival was like a dreamland and Lily was lost in it. She danced under mason jar lights, beating a drum alongside other people just enjoying the party. James got her a hot chocolate and Fletcher collapsed on a bench, telling them to go on without him.

It was the break they'd been waiting for. Lily and James left Fletcher, promising to be back before eleven. James still wasn't touching her, a problem she already wanted to remedy.

"Hi!"

The kind voice right outside a laser tag tent dazed Lily as she signed up to play the next game of laser tag inside an old smaller barn. Inside the barn, screams and laughter of children could be heard. Lily looked up from her paper to find the young woman from the grocery store standing off to the side of the barn. She was with a tall ginger, holding a pumpkin the same color as his receding hairline.

"It's so nice to see you," Lily said to the woman.

"Are you two going to play laser tag?"

Lily walked over to the woman, Molly, with a spring in her step. Molly was wearing a pair of jeans and a sweater she appeared to have knit herself. The bloke at her side had one arm around Molly's waist. Her husband wore similar clothes, looking positively perfect next to his wife.

"We are," Lily replied warmly, "are you guys playing the next round?"

"No," Molly cackled, "our kids are in there, we're just waiting."

Lily motioned at the man holding the pumpkin, "you must be her husband?"

"Yes," the man nodded politely at Lily, "Arthur Weasley, and you are?"

"Lilian Potter." She felt James shift beside her, "and this is my husband, James."

Arthur shook James' hand too, "pleasure, what brings you two brits so far from England?"

"Honeymoon," James lied flawlessly.

Molly looked beside herself, "you two didn't tell me it was your honeymoon!"

"Must've slipped my mind…" Lily sent James a look, but he was staring nonsensically at her, "feels like our first kiss was just last week."

Molly and Arthur laughed, thinking her comment a joke. James arched his brow at her, his look dangerous. She wanted to kiss him, but he wasn't even holding her hand.

Some fake husband _he_ was.

They exchanged polite words with Molly and Arthur until their number was called by the man operating the laser tag. James and Lily were given vests to wear. They were each given a laser gun that made Star Wars like 'pewpew' sounds when the trigger clicked. Her wig stayed on, thankfully, when another bloke knocked her head with his elbow accidentally. Lily still checked the edges for red hair before settling next to James while they waited to go inside.

James stepped closer, elbowing her, "Lillian Potter, eh?"

"Honeymooners?" Lily looked anywhere but at James.

All of a sudden, James and Lily were following about fifteen other people into the laser tag barn. Inside, the darkness was lit up by the blacklights, causing anything white to glow. The barn was themed like Wonderland, so everything was oversized. Lily stood underneath a giant mushroom as they waited for the countdown to start.

"So how are we doing this." James' breath was hot on her skin.

"What?"

"Am I your bodyguard," he asked, "or your husband tonight?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yeah, because if I'm your bodyguard I _have_ to let you win," James explained, "but if I'm your husband, I'm gonna kick your arse."

Lily turned her chin, matching his dangerous look with one of her own, "that's a dangerous game to play."

"We already played dangerously tonight," his eyes grew hard, "we're already fucked."

"What?"

James reached out with his hand that wasn't holding the laser gun. His fingertips dragged along her skin on her jaw. Lily's lips thinned as they stared each other down.

"She's going to tell," he whispered heartbreakingly, "and I'm going to lose you."

The countdown ended and the crowd of players dispersed. In the rush, Lily and James were separated by a girl screaming as she shot in every direction. Already, there were sounds of people being hit by lasers. The vests lit up green, then red, once a person was out of the game. Lily's vest stayed green as she raced behind a giant caterpillar wearing a monocle.

Since he was tall, James hadn't lost sight of her. He caught her by surprise, rolling over the oversized bug and shooting his laser pointer gun at her heart. She cursed and dodged behind a tall flower, shooting her own laser at James while he laughed, throwing his head back like a little kid. The cartoon sounds from the guns surrounded Lily and James as they danced around in the dark.

Soon, she was sweating, her wig plastered to her forehead. She was hiding around the corner of a table set for tea. She looked for James, finally finding him. He tried to shoot at her, but she ducked behind a paint splattered trash can.

Finally, they appeared to be the only couple left in the game. The kids left had started targeting them. Lily and James were spread apart, trying to stay in the game until the end. Their confliction was forgotten as they played laser tag, lost in the blacklights. Lily was laughing as loud as she could when she spotted James roll behind the tea table with her.

Lily rushed across the floor, sliding behind the oversized teacups. James was panting against one and when he spotted her coming his way, he pointed his gun at her chest.

"Stay over there."

"Don't trust me Potter?"

"Not with your gun pointed at me." He said, "but we can team up, we can win, together."

"I just want to win." Lily smirked, lifting her gun again and pointing it at his chest, "are you ready for it?"

"Don't you dare." he was holding his hands up as she advanced towards him.

When her hand fisted in his sweater his arms dropped in response and their eyes met. The electricity buzzed between them, super charging her emotions. Lily pushed up onto her tip toes and then pressed her lips against his. He seemed startled, falling back only to catch them both before they fell into the teacup. She dropped her laser gun when he started kissing her back, his lips pulling at hers. The neon lights on their bodies glowed green and purple in the darkness. Her hands grabbed his face and used a strong grip to keep her lips firmly attached to his.

Her tongue was pressing to his, tracing his lips and teasing him. James' hands wound up in her wig, little strands of red falling from their prison. Somewhere else in the barn, kids were laughing. In their dark little paradise, Lily felt completely out of touch from the game. His touch was thrilling, surging through her veins as they kissed under the black lights. She breathed in deeply, her tiptoes aching to get her better positioned. She knew it hadn't been that long since they snogged but with Fletcher on their backs, each kiss was like living a prayer.

All too soon, he pulled back, leaning his forehead against hers. His fingers were playing with her escaped red strands, twisting the auburn about his index finger. Slowly, his hands dropped to meet hers in the middle, their fingers intertwining.

"I miss your real hair."

She felt a change coming between them as he leaned in to kiss her on her forehead.

"James?"

"Hm?" his lips vibrated against her temple.

"I won't let them take you from me."

He sighed and pulled her fingers to his lips, kissing them, "you're killing me, you know that?"

"Carmen won't tell," she said, "and even if she does there are no pictures, no proof."

"No proof?" he asked, "but she could've taken pictures."

"I trust her."

"You're too nice." James said, shaking his head at her, "it's going to get you in trouble."

"I'm always in trouble for _something_."

She leaned back up on her tiptoes, giving him a chaste kiss that he quickly turned into an open-mouthed escapade in the dark laser tag tent. Lily's fingers had rewound in his hair, turning it into the anchor she needed when James bent down to pick her up. The curved plastic of the teacup was awkward to lean up against, essentially making Lily hover over James. Still, it was hot with his hands gripping her arse and his body pressed into hers.

She was so caught up in snogging him, so content with his tongue eliciting a frenzied kiss from her, that the beeping in her ears was practically nonexistent. She was kissing James back, her breathing effectively rushed anytime she got the rare chance to breathe. He was the same way, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he held her against the teacup. It wasn't until someone started shouting that his hands unceremoniously dropped her. Lily wrapped her arms around his neck as her feet hit the ground with a resounding thud.

Red light flashed between them and that's when Lily realized that at some point, they'd gotten hit by opponent lasers. Lily looked over James' shoulder to see a small boy standing next to the laser tag operator.

"That's them sir," the kids said with a glare, "I shot 'em ten minutes ago but they were too busy sucking face they didn't leave."

"What they hell are you two doing?" The worker, irritated, motioned between Lily and James, "this isn't a place for y'all college kids to come and hump each other like rabbits!"

Lily pulled her vest off, pulling James' off for him. She was bright red, probably the color of the vest lights, as she gave them back to the laser tag employee. Then, without another word she grabbed James' hand and pulled him from the tent. Once outside, they both burst into laughter, falling against each other again only seconds later behind a craft tent.

James swept her into another kiss. His hands gently gliding down her frame until they came to rest on her hips. Lily leaned into her tiptoes like a ballerina, kissing him back with a smile. He touched her like she was his most prized possession, fingers light and calculated. When she pulled back, she could see nothing but love in his expression.

"You okay?" She asked.

James looked magical under the moonlight, "I'm okay. You?"

"A little sad we didn't win." she joked, eyes sparkling.

"I think we still won." he kissed her again.

"I want to write a whole album about you," She swayed in his arms, "is that okay?"

"What would you call it?" he asked, "James Potter?"

"No," she wrinkled her nose at him, "No offense_._"

James laughed and brushed her wig hair from her face, "I love you."

"Then stay with me tonight."

He did as she asked. It was hard, keeping her hands to herself when they met back up with Fletcher. The second bodyguard was drunk, snoring in the car for most of the ride. When they all got to the house, Lily made her way to her room first. She got dressed for bed, taking her make-up and wig off. James was in her room twenty minutes after she tucked herself in.

He danced to the right side of the bed, pulling his shirt over his head in one swipe. When he fell into the bed next to her, she leaned up to wrap her arms around his neck while he leaned over to undo his prosthetic. She kissed the back of his neck, then along his shoulder, earning a small groan from him as he leaned back up and into her eager mouth.

James turned; his good leg bent on the side of the bed as he faced Lily. Her eyes were burning as he lifted one of his hands to use his thumb to trace her bottom lip. He tugged lightly at her bottom lip, earning a look from her that was nothing if not suggestive. James leaned forward, kissing her zealously. Lily smiled against his mouth, feeling her whole body relax as they fell back into the pillows.

Lily sighed, leaning into his grasp, "I had the best day, with you today."

"You did?" he sounded surprised, "but we got caught."

"James," she pinched his chest, "Carmen won't tell."

"How do you know?"

"Because I'm going to go back tomorrow." Lily straddled him carefully, "but this time, as myself."

"Peter will never go for that."

"If I go back as myself, I can pay her back for the food _and_ I can be seen without you."

"Wait, I can't go?" he pushed at her, "No!"

"I'll take Fletcher." she appeased, "and then when I'm done playing pop star, I'll come home and we can snog while Fletcher drinks."

"I like that you added snogging me into your plans tomorrow."

Lily arched a brow at him, "I plan on snogging you everyday, if that's okay."

"That's _more_ than okay."

There was laughter amongst soft touches and little sighs between kisses. He fell asleep first, his body warm and comfortable at her side. Lily ran her fingers through his hair but couldn't fall asleep. She still has song lyrics repeating in her mind like a broken record. After an hour she finally gave in to the need.

She sat on her floor, listening to his breath softly. She pulled her guitar onto her lap and strummed quietly. Her pen and paper were sitting in front of her, allowing her a place to put her thoughts. Two hours later and she finally had another song.

**Verse 1:**

_And I'm doing my best to keep you close_

_I've been falling for quite a while_

_You spent some time in denial_

_But that's all changed since you smiled,_

_You make the pain of living worthwhile_

**Chorus:**

_I'm a drifter, I don't have a real home_

_And that's not something you seem to oppose_

_Cause the only thing between us lately are clothes_

_So call me, love_

_Say that you'll be mine_

_Say it_

_Say it louder_

_Until I'm burning red._

**Verse 2:**

_The last time we touched it felt like I flew_

_High in the clouds, alone at night, with or without you_

_I'm dreaming of our debut_

_Thinking of long nights in my bed_

_Painted blue, nicknamed Red_

_You call me love, are we being misled?_

**Chorus:**

_I'm a drifter, I don't have a real home_

_And that's not something you seem to oppose_

_Cause the only thing between us lately are clothes_

_So call me love_

_Say that you'll be mine_

_Say it_

_Say it louder_

_Until I'm burning red._

**Bridge:**

_Under you I'm brand new_

_Feel me up_

_Take me to places I've never been too_

_You've got scars_

_And I got mine_

_But darling, we have time_

_You're a poem, I'm your final rhyme_

**Chorus**:

_Cause baby I'm a drifter, I don't have a real home_

_And that's not something you seem to oppose_

_Cause the only thing between us lately are clothes_

_So call me love_

_Say that you'll be mine_

_Say it_

_Say it louder_

_Until I'm burning red._

_Say it_

_Louder_

_Louder_

_Louder_

_Until I'm burning red._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is the last update until January 18th. I'm going on vacation and won't have access to regular internet. I love all of you who are sticking with this story and loving it. I'm so sad it's almost over.
> 
> There's a sneak peek of the next chapter 'Everything Has Changed' on my fanfic.net version of this chapter and I'll be doing other little extras on Tumblr when I can. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone for your reviews and kind words about how I've been crafting this story!


	14. Everything Has Changed

Lily woke up to Juniper meowing by the door around seven in the morning. The timid meows were announcing the sunrise, thereby proclaiming Juniper's reminder that it was time to eat breakfast. Lily stretched out her toes, in turn feeling James shift in his sleep beside her. A smile stretched across her face. James' head was cradled in his arm, which was resting on one of the many pillows. His other arm was draped around Lily's body and his fingertips danced along her hips when he shifted.

Suddenly, James pulled her in closer.

Lily slowly turned onto her side, moving against his grasp enough that James popped one sleepy eye open. Lily used a free hand to brush his curls from his eyes. His smile fluttered momentarily as his eyes scraped across her face. He was warmth and happiness all in one perfect package. They didn't speak, not while they were too busy soaking in the relaxed feeling between them. The clock on the wall ticked insistently and then Juniper continued her serenade to the bedroom door, forcing them to acknowledge sunrise.

"What does your blasted cat want now?" James mumbled dismally but his voice gave off a playful tune.

"Probably to eat." Lily said, "she acts starved."

"_Starved_."

James mocked as he pulled Lily in tighter with both arms, making her bury her face into his shirt. James' hand smoothed her red hair against the back of her head as they both breathed in deep. Love radiated from his every orifice, pushing Lily to kiss under his neck sloppily.

"I can't remember the last time I woke up this content." James' body moved under her touch.

Lily buried her nose into him, "I can't remember a time I've been this _happy_."

"I feel like the best version of myself with you." He replied, his fingers moving along her skin.

She smiled at him, "I love you."

His hazel eyes grew sprightly, "I love you too, Red."

Lily stretched again before slowly sliding from his arms. James disputed and tightened his hold, making her snigger as she collapsed back into his chest. She put her chin on his chest and stared at him with a playful glare.

"I have work to do."

"But the moment you leave, we have to go back to normal," he said, "and I'm not ready to let go."

She wasn't ready to let go yet either, but she had plans and James wasn't part of her day. At least not in the physical sense. James' eyes begged her to stay and his mouth begged her for another kiss. He was going to ruin her plans if she didn't get away from his convincing stare soon.

"James," Lily pushed both her hands against his pull, "I have business to do."

"Do it from bed."

Lily laughed as his left hand dragged over her thigh, then her arse. She shook her head no, prompting him to frown.

"Just five more minutes," James begged, "before I have to pretend that I wasn't up here the entire night in your arms when Dung finds me to give me notes from the night."

"Fletcher probably doesn't appreciate being called _Dung_." Lily shimmied the covers off her shoulders.

James followed her up into a sitting position, his lips attaching to hers. Lily's eyes closed instinctively, and she kissed him back. James clearly thought he'd won, but as he tried to guide her back into the pillows, she ripped her mouth from his.

"Evans." He whined, "come on, we only get a few more minutes together."

"Then help me pick out something to wear to Carmen's place tonight."

James cursed as she got out of bed. He followed her motions though and grumbled when he started pulling on his prosthetic. Lily shot him an amused glance as she started digging through her dresser for clothes. He was slapping the gears together somewhat violently.

Lily raised a brow in his direction, "someone's still bitter we aren't alone anymore."

James huffed, "I do a fine job by myself."

"I feel my safest in your arms." Lily sang as she pulled out a chunky white sweater to pair with her black leggings and black combat boots.

James' smile returned, "glad to know I'm doing my job well."

"You're my favorite guard," she appeased, "not much competition to be honest."

He shook with laughter as he stood up, "right."

Lily knew that he knew she'd much rather stay in bed but for the first time in a long time, Lily felt more like going out into the world and giving back to her fans. She had her mind set on a goal, and as much as she wanted to lay the day away, she was feeling..._happy_.

The sentiment hit her like a freight train as she brushed her auburn hair using a thick brush. She was truly happy, especially when James came around to press one more chaste kiss to her mouth. It wasn't just happiness she was feeling. It was pure and utter contentment that had settled into her bones as James pulled away, smiling. She felt like the dust after the bomb had finally settled, and the ash washed away from his showering of love,

James went downstairs first, Juniper following out the door between his legs. Lily heard him sweet talking the cat as they made their way to the primary floor. Her heart warmed knowing that James loved Juniper as much as she did now, despite how he criticized the fat black cat.

Once downstairs herself, Lily skipped for her phone. She felt in control of her own life and career for the first time in months as she called Peter's office phone. The phone rang twice to no answer. Finally, on the third ring, the phone was picked up. A female voice echoed in Lily's ear musically.

"Peter Pettigrew's office, Samantha speaking."

"Samantha!" Lily said cordially, "it's Lily Evans!"

"Miss Evans." Lily could hear the smile in Samantha's voice, "wow, hi! How can I help you today?"

"I need to speak with Peter please."

"He just went into a closed-door meeting," Samantha said, "do you want me to go get him? Is there something wrong?"

"Something right, actually," Lily said, "last night I met this girl, she's a fan of mine and I want to do something nice for her."

"Autograph?" Samantha guessed, "Peter might have spare headshots here."

"No something different " Lily said, "I'm going to sing for her."

"Oh." Samantha sounded surprised instead of the gleeful tone Lily had been waiting for.

"Is something wrong?" Lily asked, leaning against the countertops.

Samantha was hesitant before saying faintly, "Peter told us that you were refusing to perform."

"This isn't a performance so much as a favor." Lily explained, "but Peter will expect me to perform after this reaches the news, so I wanted to warn him before I went tonight that I'm still not ready to perform in front of a large crowd."

"This fan must be special."

"_All_ my fans are special." Lily said confidently, "but Carmen has one of my songs tattooed on her arm and I think she deserves to hear _Holy Ground_ live while I'm nearby."

"That's really sweet," Samantha ruffled papers on her side of the phone, "did you want me to call press for Peter, then?"

"No," Lily said quickly, "I want this to be secret, I'm just calling so Peter can properly be able to tell me I'm a hypocrite."

"A hypocrite?" Samantha sounded surprised, "there's no reason too."

"It's a long story," Lily tapped her fingers against her arm, "but I don't want to do it without Peter's understanding that this doesn't mean I'm ready to tour again."

"Are you sure you want to do it then?" Samantha asked.

Lily thought of Carmen and the tattoo amongst the long thin scars on her tan arm. She thought of how Carmen had kept her promise, and nothing had been said to the press. Lily would've known if Carmen had talked, because Peter would've called the minute he'd heard.

"Yes," Lily took a deep breath, "I want to, even if it means upsetting Peter."

Samantha stopped ruffling her papers before saying, "I know I'm his intern and my words probably mean nothing to you, Miss Evans, but I think that as your manager, Mr. Pettigrew should respect your choices."

Lily smiled warmly against the phone speaker, "thank you, Samantha."

Peter's intern was right, in all points. No matter what Lily chose to do, Peter should always offer his advice but never critique Lily for what she was doing. In all the years Lily had known Peter, she'd leaned on his choices. After all, he'd been there for her when she was only a little girl with big city dreams. Peter had helped make her dreams a reality, but she often didn't give herself enough credit for what she'd accomplished.

Peter only was around to make Lily's life easier, which was something he truly did do by handling all the business associated with her label and music. He handled her publicity and made sure the press didn't ruin her life. He made her appointments and scheduled her vacations. He was there for Christmas dinner at Granda's and he came to every release party.

Even with all those things, Peter didn't write her songs. Peter didn't sing every other night on stage for five years. Peter wasn't the one who sold over 450,000 digital copies of _Kaleidoscope_ in one day. Peter hadn't helped her win her Grammys or People's Choice Awards. He hadn't been the one who planned her tour set visuals, nor was he the mastermind behind the free meet and greets after her shows.

"I'll go get Peter," Samantha said, waking Lily up from her reverie.

"You know what," Lily said, a sort of strength settling into her bones, "never mind, I'll just email him if he's in a meeting."

"You sure?" Samantha asked, "his meeting just started."

"It's fine," Lily told the intern kindly, "just let him know to check his e-mail. Thanks for talking Samantha."

"Of course, Lily," Samantha said, "and good luck tonight, I can't wait to hear all about it."

When Lily hung up the phone, James was standing in the kitchen. He propped himself against the door casually, his black hair falling into his face as he looked her up and down. He was wearing his running clothes, clearly about to go workout. Lily put the phone on the counter and brushed her red hair behind her ear.

"Peter's in a meeting." Lily said, "that was Samantha."

"Why'd you call Peter?" James tilted his head at her.

"I felt like I had too," she said honestly, "I've never made a choice on my own, not in years, so I thought I had to get permission to go sing a few songs at a local pub—but then I remembered I don't."

"Don't what?"

"Have to ask for anyone's bloody permission to make myself happy."

Lily watched James' smile envelop his face, like he couldn't be prouder of her.

"No," he agreed, "you don't."

"Thank you for always supporting me." She told him.

"I'm your biggest fan, Red."

She didn't doubt that for a second, not with the way he was staring at her.

Suddenly, they weren't alone when Mundungus Fletcher pushed past James with a grunt. Fletcher was carrying a glass of water and had several red tabs in his hand. He looked hungover and messy as he knocked back the pills with a large gulp of water. Lily shared a aghast look with James. Fletcher glanced at Lily when he was done taking his pills.

"Potter said I'm with you today?"

"Yes," Lily said, sitting up in her chair, "is that a problem?"

"I like nights," he said, "best remember that Princess."

Lily was taken aback at his brashness and rudeness. She didn't quite know what to say. James looked at Fletcher like he wanted nothing more than take Fletcher to the other room and beat him up for being so discourteous to Lily.

"It's _Miss Evans_, to you." James shot at Fletcher, "she's your boss, so treat her with respect."

Fletcher turned to eye James with every bit of distaste, "aren't you supposed to be someplace else, Potter?"

James' eyes grew dark as she was shot with the reminder that his shift was over, and he was no longer supposed to be around Lily. James shot Lily a pained expression before running out the back door and taking down the trail that led into the woods. Lily sighed exasperatedly as she was left with the bodyguard who smelled like weed and booze simultaneously. All at once, her heart ached for James and he'd only been gone a few seconds.

"I have business to take care of today," Lily told Fletcher, "we leave at noon."

Fletcher grumbled again, as if he wished Lily would say anything but that. She watched as he helped himself to a plate of hard-boiled eggs that James had made. He walked out of the room without another word to her. Lily rolled her eyes before she sat down at the small kitchen table with her phone and opened the tumblr app.

The first sight she was greeted with was a beautiful edit made by one of her Brazilian fans named Fabi. Lily liked it and thirty seconds later she started seeing the posts of her followers recognizing that she was online. She ignored her DMs, always too afraid to open them and find something she didn't want to see. Lily's thumb scrolled down her dash a bit, laughing when she saw some posts of #jily. One of the posts was one of the pictures of Lily and James in Burbank and Lily's thumb hovered over it, resisting the urge to like it.

They were standing in front of Lily's favorite coffee shop downtown. James was wearing a dark blue shirt and his black hair was blowing in the wind as he looked down at Lily. James was double fisting two latte's, smiling down at her as she ruffled through her purse for something. The artist had made the edit with lyrics from one of Lily's songs: _when the sun came up you were looking at me._

It threw Lily back to waking up with James at her side that morning, sun filtering through the windows and casting him in a golden light. She wished she could like it without her fan speculating if they were together, but she couldn't risk it. Lily scrolled past; heartache close by. She got her mind off James when she saw one of her fans had broken down her top five best lyrics in the last five years. Lily liked that before going to the search option and searching for Carmen's blog.

Carmen's tumblr was a Holy Ground shrine with photos, videos and posts. Carmen's most recent post laden with a magic Lily only knew too well. Carmen had taken the words on her arm and turned them into a gifset featuring Lily's pictures with James. It was a beautiful homage to what she'd seen without actually telling anyone what she knew. Lily bit back her smile as she clicked 'follow' at the top of Carmen's page.

Lily went back to the dash and started to see what her fans were up to since she'd last checked.

SwiftieOverFifty: _Lily! What's your favorite song right now?_

LilyEvans: _Take Me Back to London by Ed Sheeran_

LilyEvans LIKED LillyEvAnss: _Hi Lily! I wrote you a little something under the cut if you could read it!_

Isidar-mithrim: _Ice Cream or Cake, Lily?_

LilyEvans: _Ice Cream Cake!_

Escapingthisworldwithfiction: _Lily what's your favorite book right now?_

LilyEvans: _I've been reading Elle Nevas new series!_

StateofMischief: _I've been feeling so alone lately and left out of everything __and so terrified of school starting and being even more alone next week and knowing Lily is there is really comforting._

LilyEvans: _I hate that you're feeling that way and it's so hard not to dwell on our fears and doubts, because we want spoilers for __how it's going to turn out, but in reality, we just have to go through life not knowing what's next. __Just when you think it's going to get worse; it could get better instead. It WILL._

LilyEvans LIKED amilahchoux: _Lily we miss you, please come back full time_

LilyEvans LIKED nobothersgiventoday: _every time I see Steven Roosevelt I'm reminded why I'm voting democrat in the next election._

LilyEvans LIKED fabcrosa: _I can't wait to see what Lily wears to Petunia's wedding! I bet she'd going to be beautiful!_

Lily stopped liking when she got to a post from jilyisendgame: _jily might not be real but it's real in my mind_. The post made Lily laugh out loud, throwing her head back against the chair.

"What are you laughing at?"

James had just walked through the door. Lily looked up from her phone screen, green eyes sparkling at James. He walked over to her; expression tentative.

"Hashtag Jily." She smirked impishly, "my fans are back at it again."

His smile broke through his features, "let me see."

Lily flashed her phone screen at him, watching him read the post. His laughter was warm and inviting. When his eyes met hers, Lily bit her lip and tried to keep herself from kissing him. Her phone fell into her lap as James' eyes traced across her face. He was sweaty from his run but that didn't make him any less appealing under the kitchen lights. His shiny forehead was an inclination to how hard he'd gone, likely a result of his anger with Fletcher. His curls were extra messy, insinuating he'd run his fingers through them more than once while running.

She kept her voice low, in case the walls were listening, "I love you."

James sucked in a breath before replying, "I love you too, Red."

Lily and James parted ways so James could go shower in his 'room' next to Fletcher's. Lily and Juniper made their way up the stairs to the third-floor master. Lily's guitar and songbooks rested on the floor where she'd left them that night. Lily picked her guitar up and turned it before zipping it into a travel case with extra guitar picks left over from her world tour. Lily tucked away the new song, _Burning Red_, into her dresser. She was saving it for another day when she could get Sirius into the studio with her back in Los Angeles.

By the time she left for the small BBQ place on the old town roads, she was growing excited to sing. Her fingers maimed the chords to many of her favorites as she drove herself back to the restaurant. Fletcher was in the passenger seat beside her, quiet. Lily preferred him quiet.

The car drove up the old country roads, taking Lily back along a route she'd once driven with her family when she was younger. Lily missed her family, her mother most of all. It was in times when she was alone that she really reflected how far she'd come without Rose Evans at her side. Still, having her mother at her side the last three years would've made everything much easier to process. Rose had always known what to say to Lily when she was anxious.

Lily took the turn into the old gas station turned BBQ restaurant, finding that it was lunchtime. Almost all twenty or so tables were filled with locals laughing and talking over plates of quality barbeque. Fletcher looked rightly concerned when Lily parked her black car alongside a rickety old pick up colored blue.

"Aren't you supposed to be laying low?" Fletcher asked Lily as she leaned to rab her guitar bag from the backseat.

"Yes." Lily said truthfully before opening her door.

"This doesn't—"

Lily shut the door on Fletcher's comment, not caring what he thought. She turned in her back pumps, taking in the sweet smell of barbeque sauce. No music was playing, instead the air was filled with the sound of crackling fire and laughing people. Lily took one more deep breath before starting the walk up to the fire pit. The fire was smoking three pigs, a rack of ribs and another item Lily couldn't make out. Two servers were walking around and one of them had familiar black hair.

Carmen was wearing her pretty black hair down, the curls bouncing off her shoulders as she laughed at something one of her guests said. Lily kept her sights peeled, even after someone at a table gasped at the sight of her. Lily heard her name start being said as she passed by tables, but she tried not to flinch as she kept walking towards the table Carmen was talking at. Once Lily was directly behind Carmen, she put on her best smile.

"Hello Carmen."

Carmen froze, then turned gently. Carmen's lower lips was wobbly as Lily reached out with one arm out for a hug. Carmen dropped her waitress pad and fell into Lily's hug. Lily embraced the girl firmly. Carmen full on sobbed as he hugged Lily back, squeezing her tightly. Lily laughed, brushing at Carmen's hair tenderly.

"You came back!" Carmen pulled away from Lily to show off her now tear rimmed eyes.

"I promised I would." Lily said, "I'd like a chair and your special, one for me and one for my bodyguard."

Carmen looked to where Lily was motioning, animatedly, only for her face to falter momentarily when she saw it wasn't James protecting Lily. Lily honestly felt the same way as Carmen and wished she could tell her fan so. Carmen shook her displeasure away quickly when she met Lily's eyes again.

"You aren't wearing a wig." Carmen eyed Lily's red hair hungrily, "you're you!"

Lily laughed, hitching her guitar up higher on her shoulder, "I'm me, and I'd love to sing you a song before I eat."

Carmen gasped, "you, you want to _sing_ for me?!"

Lily shrugged, "we're friends, aren't we?"

If Carmen was a light, she would've shone so bright that people in California would've seen her. Lily hugged Carmen with one arm before gesturing around the restaurant. The cool winter air nipped through her sweater as she looked around at all the people watching them.

"Where can I sit?"

Carmen wiped her eyes and pointed to a table by the fire, "over here…"

Carmen led Lily to the closest chair and Lily took a seat. People were whispering back and forth. Phones were out and facing Lily as she started unzipping her guitar case. Carmen was bouncing back and forth on her heels as she watched Lily with apt attention. Lily smiled warmly at Carmen as she pulled out her sparkly guitar, the jewels bouncing light fragments everywhere.

"Hi everyone!" Lily waved to the locals around the fire pit, and a family of hikers eating sandwiches on an outdoor sofa, "I'm Lily!"

One of the kids in the family of hikers dropped his sandwich back onto his plate, jaw dropped open. Lily looked to Carmen, who had her hands clasped to her chest. Carmen wore a chunky black sweatshirt endorsed with the restaurant logo, but Lily could still see her shaking from excitement.

Lily asked, "can I play a new song here?"

Carmen nodded, teary eyed, "please?"

Everyone was scrambling to get a better look, and no one was eating. Silence had settled in the BBQ pit as people got ready for a private concert from one of the biggest pop stars in history. Lily sat pulled her guitar strap over her shoulder. Lily didn't feel remotely nervous as she tested the chords out. Two adults dressed in food covered clothes appeared from the door of the old gas station, eyes popping out of their heads.

Carmen called to them while waving, "Papa! Lily Evans!"

"_Lily Evans_?" The woman put her hands in her own curly black hair, eyes wide.

Lily waved at the woman before she continued strumming if her guitar. Lily looked up into the eyes of strangers and felt nothing but intrigue and disbelief. It was a nice change from the Hollywood stages and sold out arenas.

"I've been writing songs for a while now," Lily said loudly as she tossed her red hair back, "mostly for myself but also for those of you who might feel misunderstood or alone in the world. I have a new song I'd like to play for my friend Carmen, if that's okay with all of you?"

The little crowd cheered, and the cameras focused on Lily. Lily took a deep breath and transitioned into the song.

"_And I'm doing my best to keep you close. I've been falling for quite a while and you've spent some time in denial but that's all changed since you smiled. Baby, you make the pain of living worthwhile…"_

She fell into her normal pattern, fingers stretching across chords. By the time James' new song was done, everyone was clapping. Carmen was in her parent's arms, eyes still watery. People were calling for another song and for the first time in a long time, Lily loved performing again.

"Thank you," Lily said as she adjusted her guitar, "I'd like to play more songs for you guys tonight, this one is an oldie, but certainly a good one."

One of the boy's in the family of hiker's called out, "play _Long Live_!"

Lily laughed at his suggestion and shook his head, "I want to play you songs that I wrote here, in Lake Placid for _Kaleidoscope_. Back then, I had ideas of love and what love should be like. Lately, I've been the victim of growing up, which apparently happens to all of us at one point or another. It's been going on for quite some time now, without me knowing it until, well, until I woke up this morning blissfully happy. I wasn't happy when I wrote this song, but I was as hopeful for love and the idea of love, just like I am now. Love is beautiful and rare and worth all the heartache it might bring. Each new footstep changes you and grows you. I still remember the spot, the day and the hour I gave a piece of my heart to someone and they gave a piece of theirs back. This is called _Holy Ground_…"

The people cheered and Carmen broke into another round of tears as the first notes started playing through the open-air restaurant. Lily rocked to the beat and looked out into her audience to see an older couple start dancing in circles by their table. She played through the lyrics, until she got to the ending. The old lyrics used to be '_tonight I'm going to dance for all that we've been through, but I don't want to dance if I'm not dancing with you_' but she changed the lyrics as she sang, fitting James into her song.

"_Tonight, I'm gonna sing for all that we've been through, but I don't wanna sing If I'm not singing upstate about you. Tonight, I'm gonna sing like you were in this room but I don't wanna sing if I'm not singing upstate about you…because it was good darling, never looking down and right where we stood was holy ground._"

The clapping was loud and thundered despite the small crowd. Lily felt her real smile stretch across her face as she rocked forward enthusiastically. She'd forgotten how much she loved preforming for small crowds after years of preforming in sold out stadiums. She had planned on only singing three songs but by the time she was on her sixth song, she finally restrained herself.

"This'll be my last song." She told her new friends and they all protested, "but I promise this is one you'll all know…"

She started the guitar strumming and it took people a moment to recognize her first number one until she started singing the first lines. _Change_ was the song that truly changed her life and now, years later, everything had changed again. Now, she was seeking a normal life instead of a life in the spotlight. Now, she knew was love was and she was in it. Now, she was trying to get her life back despite not knowing what would happen if she finally gave up singing.

Carmen invited Lily to sit near the fire once she was done singing. Carmen's parents gave Lily a platter of a little bit of everything. Lily tried so much food that she actually felt a little sick as she finished up a bit of cornbread while she chatted with Carmen and her family. They were all from Hawaii, originally, but moved to the mainland to get Carmen and her sister a better life. They'd opened the little shop in New York after Carmen's father lost his job at the bank and never looked back.

"There's something about the countryside," Carmen's mother told Lily, "something that makes you warm even on the coldest of New York nights."

Lily looked around the restaurant and had to agree. Despite the cold, people were warm and happy under the strung-up Christmas lights. Outside it had started to snow, and kids were collecting what they could, throwing it up in the air. Lily's eyes watched the snow sparkle and shine against the lights as it drifted to the ground, feeling a stillness settle into her bones as she drank the last of her cider.

Lily started her goodbyes early, knowing that it wouldn't be long until the press came looking for her. A few local reporters and locals themselves had already shown up to try and get photos of her while she chatted with Carmen's family. Lily hugged Carmen, twice, before offering her a check for 100,000 American dollars. Carmen was beside herself and even her parents were crying.

"There's your tip." Lily kissed Carmen's cheek, "I can't wait to see you in the crowd when I tour again."

Fletcher helped Lily into her car. Lily looked back to see people waving, crowding the car even as she pulled out slowly. The snow was stuck in people's hair and stuck to the roads. Lily waved as she carefully made her way back onto the road. Once they were away from the crowds, Lily took a few turns to lose any following cars. They drove an extra forty-five minutes until Lily was certain she wasn't being followed. When no headlights shined behind her, she finally turned the car back onto the correct route.

James was waiting up for them, sitting in one of the sitting room chairs watching a movie. Juniper was sleeping, curled up in his lap. Lily wished she could take a picture of them both, but Fletcher was right behind her, grumbling about the snow. Lily took off her coat and hung it to dry by the door before making her way over to the sitting room. James waved at them both, looking content.

"How was the show?"

"Good food." Fletcher said gruffly, "but the weather is gettin' pretty bad."

James' brow furrowed, "what?"

"It's snowing." Lily told James, making sure he saw her roll her eyes, "it's not bad weather."

"Until we get snowed in here." Fletcher said, walking past to head for his room, "I'm goin' out to grab beer before that happens."

Lily perked up, "you're leaving?"

"You're his problem now." Fletcher pointed at James as he left the room, "see you tomorrow."

They both heard Fletcher's door slam. Lily turned slowly to face James; eyes suggestive. James took a deep breath before shaking his head.

"Later," he promised, "after I know Fletcher's left."

"Fine," she made sure to have an extra swing to her hips as she left James in the room alone.

Lily went upstairs to her bedroom and shut the door before dropping her clothes on the floor. Outside, the storm had picked up and the flakes falling from the sky were large and fluffy. Lily walked into her loo and turned on the hot water to her soaking tub. She poured bubbles into the bath, the scent of lavender filling the air. Lily settled into the tub with her phone, flipping her screen open to tumblr.

Already, photos and videos of her that night were being reblogged. People were analyzing the songs she'd chosen and the clothes she wore. Carmen had written a sweet little note, accompanied by a picture they'd taken together before Lily left. Carmen's post had over 104,000 notes and it had only been a few hours. Lily scrolled until her arm grew tired holding the phone over the water. Only a little while after she'd put down her phone, she heard her door open and close softly.

She leaned her head back against the tub, "James?"

"In the bath?" James' voice called for her.

"Yes," she said, "you can come in."

There was a pause. She knew he was over-analyzing what she was proposing.

"James," she said firmly, "come in here."

James walked into her loo, looking nervous until his eyes settled onto her. Lily lifted one of her hands from the bubbles and reached for him, egging him closer. James' eyes shifted and he walked over, sitting on the edge of her tub. His fingers laced between hers.

"Fletcher's gone to get beer." He said, lifting her hand to his mouth for a kiss, "I told him since he covered day for me today, I'd cover his night shift tonight, so I don't reckon he'll come back until tomorrow afternoon."

"That's good news." Lily hummed.

"Very good news," James dropped her hand, "because I want to ask you something."

"What?"

"You were blissfully happy this morning?" His eyes changed hues as he touched her cheek, "truly?"

"Yes."

"Why'd you change the lyrics to Holy Ground?"

Lily smiled even wider, "You watched the video?"

"It's gone viral, Red." James said, "everyone's seen it by now."

As if on cue, Lily's phone started ringing and caller ID spelled out Peter's name. James dropped Lily's hand so she could pick up her phone and place it on her ear, sitting up enough so no water or bubbles could get on it. James seemed annoyed as he fiddled with his jacket strings. Lily sent him an apologetic look before answering.

"Hello? Peter?"

"Lily," Samantha's voice was excited on the other end, "it's Samantha."

"Hey Samantha," Lily grew confused, "why are you calling from Peter's phone?"

"He left it here, so I decided to call you and tell you myself," she said, "he's still in a meeting so I wasn't able to tell him to check his e-mail."

Lily frowned, "it's been hours!"

"He only came out to eat," Samantha said, "I'm about to go but I left him a note on his desk to check his e-mails."

"Thanks Samantha," Lily said kindly, "sorry if my request made you stay any later than you needed too."

"It's fine," Samantha sounded tired, "I'm always here later."

"Bye Samantha, have a good night."

"Night."

Lily put the phone back down and looked up at James. James saw she seemed puzzled and he leaned forward so that they were face to face. He sent her a matching perplexed stare, tilting his head to insinuate he wanted to know what she was thinking.

"Peter's been in a closed-door meeting all day." She told James, "He never saw my e-mail."

"So?"

"Well he's going to probably see the press releases first, think I'm ready to preform again, and then jump to conclusions." Lily sighed, "I won't have the chance to tell him I still need time because he'll already be booking venues for my next tour."

"He does work fast." James mumbled, sliding until his nose was pressed to hers, "want me to take your mind off it?"

"What did you have in mind?"

He started kissing her instantly, his knuckles white against the edge of the tub. She tugged at the fabric on his shoulder and he took the hint, taking off his shirt. The hot steam melted his curls to his face as they kissed. The frayed curtains on the double doors waved in the wind as James and Lily fell into a slow pattern of kisses and hands. She felt his hand dig into her shoulders, the pressure pressing her deeper into the water.

Soon, they were both dripping. The hot bath water and snogging was turning them both into furnaces. James remained on the edge, one hand gripping the tub ledge as Lily began dragging him down with her, nowhere near done. If she had time alone with James, she wasn't going to waste it with conversation.

Lily started pouring her heart into her kisses. He was having trouble keeping up with her quick twists, he was so focused on not falling into the tub. She slowed down, simply tracing her tongue along his mouth before he kissed back her again. It was heavy, filled with demand.

"In." Lily commanded, tugging on him a little more, "now."

He chuckled against her mouth, "I can't."

Lily grumbled into his kisses. She wanted to be wrapped up in his arms until she wasn't drowning in anything but him. James seemed content to kiss her over the edge of the tub, but she wasn't about to let their time alone go without a least a little more skin on skin contact. Lily pulled her lips from his suddenly, earning an annoyed look from James as she settled away from him.

"In," she repeated.

"It's a waste of time."

"I'll wait."

"Lily—" his eyes were sad, "I can't."

"I'll help!" she moved, the water sloshing the sides, "come on!"

James stared at her and then hurt flashed across his face as he stood up. Lily's heart dropped to her feet when he walked out the loo door. She scrambled out of the tub, not even bothering to empty it. She grabbed the nearest towel to wrap it around her wet skin. Her hair clung to her back as she stumbled from the loo to find James hadn't gone far. He was standing, facing away from her, at the large windows. He was watching the snow fall, the muscles on his back tight and his hands shoved into his pockets.

Lily clutched the white towel to her chest as her bare feet padded along the floor. She settled just behind James, feeling engulfed by her regret. She didn't know what to say to him, not knowing what he was possibly thinking.

"James."

"I can't get into a tub that high," he whispered, "it's harder getting out."

Her heart broke as she realized he'd been trying to tell her that he really couldn't do what she'd asked. She felt like an idiot now. She tried to make it better, not knowing she was about to make it worse.

"I could help you."

He turned, hazel eyes dropping to find her standing there in her towel looking pitiful. She shook in her towel, the cold air seeping from the windowpanes. James shook his head at her, forlorn.

Lily's expression remained hard, "James, let me help you."

"I don't _want_ your help." James barked and she winced, hurt seeping into her bones.

"Fine." The pain was evident in her voice and it was James' turn to wince, "I won't bother again in the future."

She stepped away, tucking her head to hide her tears. The night had certainly taken a turn she certainly hadn't expected. She felt herself stumble to her bed and she climbed in, still holding the white towel to her chest. Her shaking sob gave away her crying. James cursed and walked over to her, one hand touching her shoulder.

He said, "I didn't mean to yell."

Lily turned her chin away from him as she mumbled, "go away."

His hand yanked away, and she immediately regretted telling him to go away. She lifted her gaze hurriedly to tell him not to go, but he hadn't taken any steps back. He was standing over her, staring down at her like she'd broken his heart and vis versa. She just wanted his hands on her, she just wanted to be loved by him.

They both blurted out at the same time, "I'm sorry."

James fell next to her on the bed, his hips hitting hers. Lip chewed on her bottom lips as she traced his expression for any sign of love. One if his hands lifted to brush her cheek and she felt some of the pressure release off her shoulders. She sank further into the mattress as they stared at each other, coming to terms with how they'd both reacted to disappointment.

"I don't even know if—if I could—if _we_ could…" He was vulnerable under her gaze, "When I can't even do something as simple as climb into a bathtub without help."

Lily used her shoulder to wipe at her tears quickly before she placed both her hands on either side of his face, "you are the strongest, most resilient person I know James." She said, "but even Iron Man needs a little help sometimes."

She was rewarded with half a smile, "did you just compare me to an Avenger?"

"Yes?"

James offered a broken smile as he covered her hands with his own, "I guess we have a lot in common."

"Do you?"

"Bionic body parts? Loving a fiery, red-haired women? We're practically the same person."

Lily laughed too, squeezing her eyes shut and feeling the remainder of her tears fall. James used his thumbs to wipe the tears away and she opened her eyes back up to find him positively glowing for her.

"I do want to be with you how you want," he whispered sympathetically, "but I'm scared I'd disappoint you."

Lily knew it was a big deal, him admitting he was scared. James wasn't the type of person to admit his feelings so easily, even to her. She scooted closer to him and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips before pulling away. Their hands fell to their laps and Lily pressed her forehead to his as their fingers intertwined.

"Let me help you." She begged, "when you are ready, just let me help you."

"I'm not ready just yet," he said, "but when I am, I'll let you know."

Lily felt her heartbeat quicken as his words, filled with marvel. She could prove to him nothing about that night was a dream. Her lips moved from his mouth to just under his ear. James' skin was covered in small goosebumps. She kissed her way slowly down his neck and nibbled on his collar bone before they fell back into the covers. His body moved against hers in a way that promised some kind of love, even if it wasn't exactly what she'd wanted initially.

The towel slipped off, allowing James to alter the route of his kissing between her sloping chest. Her hand was wound up in his hair as she guided him back up to her mouth after only a minute. The kissing was choppy and filled with content sighs that echoed through the room. The room could've been burning down around her and she wouldn't have noticed, she was so caught up in his aching kisses.

He sighed against her mouth, "I've got to be dreaming."

Lily answered by swinging one of her legs around his hip to drag him closer. His jeans were stiff against her hot skin, but she was so desperate for friction that she ignored the feeling and rocked her body into his. She couldn't believe they'd started out as strangers only seven months prior. His kiss was nothing but familiar as they grew acquainted with more intimate actions between them. Lily's toes dragged along the cool metal where his foot should've been as she preened into his touch.

His name repeated over and over in her head as she fell into a comfortable sense of compromise with James. They got high off little motions and quick touches, losing nothing but time. She knew it wasn't enough, but it could be enough for now. She didn't want to make James do anything he didn't feel comfortable doing. When he finally gave himself to her, she wanted it to be without inhibitions.

After they'd slowed down and darkness had settled into the room, they just talked to each other. His fingers were tracing patterns on her bare stomach, his lips were resting by her hairline. Lily leaned on his arms and kissed his neck, humming into the skin lightheartedly.

She said, "I just want to stay this happy, forever."

"You have to go back to work."

"I don't want to go back."

"Reality calls, Red." he tucked her hair behind her ear, "outside of these walls, nothing has changed."

"_Everything_ has changed," she disputed, pressing her hands against his chest pointedly.

"Not to the people we know." He said, "not to the people who control our lives."

Lily knew he was right, after all, both of them had a lot of people telling them how to be and how to act. James could lose his job, his career and Lily. Lily didn't have anything to lose, except him.

"All I know is that this morning since I woke up by your side," she touched his chin, "is that I know something I didn't know before."

"What's that?"

"What real love feels like."

James chuckled and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her onto his chest. She breathed in his familiar scent and one of his hands dragged through her hair. The strands pulled against his fingers, tangled from their snogging. James kept brushing his fingers through her red hair until the fibers fell from his fingers like silk.

"And all I've known since eighteen hours ago," James murmured, "is green eyes and freckles and your smile in the back of my mind."

"You'll be mine and I'll be yours." Lily snuggled deeper into him, "for as long as you'll have me."

His fingers stopped dancing against her skin, "forever?"

She nodded, "forever and always."


	15. You Belong With Me

**Chapter 15: You Belong with Me **

Waking up to massive snow flurries was not how Lily imagined spending her last full day in Lake Placid. She wouldn't have even woken up, had the snow not been reflecting the first rays of light into the bedroom. She opened her eyes wearily, turning her cheek against her pillows and blinking rapidly as she realized the falling snow had started piling against the door. James was still sound asleep beside her, his forehead pressed into the pillow. One of his arms was draped across her stomach, pulling her in tighter. Lily snuggled deeper under the covers and into James as the world grew lighter, but the snow stayed flurrying around.

His black hair was splashed across the white bedspread like he was out in the snow. He breathed gently, sleeping soundly under her loving touch. Lily leaned her chin on his chest and felt him breathe. It felt so good to just appreciate the lines to his face, the tiny pockmarks in his jaw and his impossibly long black eyelashes. James was more handsome to Lily than any man she'd ever met, if only because she found every one of his imperfections beautiful.

She just wished James could see himself the way Lily saw him.

"Hey! Evans? It's Mundungus!"

Fletcher's voice right outside Lily's door made her shoot up into a sitting position, her fingers pressing down into James' chest. James moved underneath her, eyes flying open. Lily shoved the thick feather tiled covers over James' head and heard his muffled protest underneath. He'd thank her later, when he realized what was happening.

"Fletcher?" she called out and James stilled under her hands and covers.

"Hey, your manager is on the phone for you, Evans!"

_Peter_.

She took a deep breath as she realized what conversation she was about to have. Lily kicked the covers off and walked over to the bedroom door, roughly pulling the door open halfway. She hid her exposed form behind the door, only letting her head pop through. Fletcher was holding her work phone, the one she often kept downstairs. Lily took it from him with a quick thanks and shut the door as she answered the phone. James threw the covers back over his head and ruffled his hair as Lily leaned against the back of her bedroom door.

"Hello?"

"Lily!" Peter's over joyous air made her wince, "I just saw your private concert! I cannot _believe_ I didn't think of that publicity stunt!"

"Hi Peter." Lily crossed her left arm to cover her bare chest, the cold morning air eliciting goosebumps everywhere, "how are you?"

"You're everywhere!" Peter ignored her sentiments, "approval ratings are up by twenty five percent!"

"That's great Pete." Lily was distracted, if only because James was watching her closely from the bed, his hazel eyes tracing her form like he was staring at Aphrodite herself.

"Can you come back to New York before you leave for England?" Peter's question made her small smile at James disappear as quickly as it came, "Peter, we're snowed in up here."

"That's a damn shame," Peter tutted his tongue, "Disney was asking if you'd sing on Good Morning America tomorrow before you leave, I was about to switch your tickets back to JFK."

Lily had never been more thankful for snow in her entire life, "yeah, it's a real bummer."

Peter didn't catch the sarcasm in her voice, "Are you planning on singing at your sister's wedding? Can I book you for a few quick acts in New York?"

"Peter no," Lily said firmly, "I'm not ready to start singing yet, that was just a favor."

"Lily," Peter's own voice turned firm, "I can't keep turning down performances for you or eventually, people will stop asking."

Lily bit her tongue, all so she wouldn't say what she wanted to say. All she wanted to tell Peter was that she prayed that people would stop asking her to perform. She wanted to sing for fun, not for people who didn't give two shits about her. Still, she knew her fans were waiting on her to return and Peter clearly was having a harder time accepting her current time off. It was only a matter of time until she'd have to make a choice.

"I'll think about it." Lily told Peter sensitively, "I'll let you know after the _Piper_ première."

She hung up before Peter could rope her into a thirty-minute conversation. Lily tossed the phone on the nearby dresser before cracking open her door. Fletcher was gone, thankfully, leaving her able to talk freely with James. She closed the door again and locked it, before walking back over to the bed and crawling back under the covers. Her head hit the pillow and James shifted into her, their noses almost touching.

"That was close." He murmured.

Lily was unable to answer due to the fact that he'd started kissing her, keeping her mouth otherwise occupied. She melted from his touch, her elbow digging into the mattress as she adjusted to improve the methodology. When he pulled away, his hazel eyes were twinkling roguishly at her.

"What?" she asked, feeling her own smile take over her face.

James tucked a strand of her red hair behind her ear, "feel like going for a run?"

"No."

He laughed knowingly as he sat up, leaving her alone on the pillows. James started pulling on his prosthetic, Lily watched as he messed with the gears before he pulled on his joggers over his boxers. She admired the curved muscles on his back as she also started pulling on clothes. James glanced back when he heard her moving.

"Change your mind?"

"No," she stuck her tongue out at him, "I'm just going to _walk_ in the snow."

The cabin was covered in a fluffy pile of white snow. It sparkled like it was made of glitter and the air was as fresh as ever. Lily met James outside once they had both snuck around Fletcher, separately. She wore her granda's old hunting jacket, the warmest clothing she found in an old cupboard. James had on his usual joggers and a black fleece.

They both walked slowly across the virgin snow, their shoes crunching in the powder. James was finding hard to walk, constantly having to step down twice in the same spot with his bad leg. Lily slowed down and once they were out of sight of the cabin, she even wrapped her fingers around his hand. When she grabbed his hand, he looked over at her with a upset frown.

"Sorry," he apologized, "I've never tried walking in snow."

Lily just tucked herself closer to him as they walked through the silent and snowy forest, "Yet you were going jump right into running? Haven't you heard that expression that you're supposed to walk _before_ you run?"

James chuckled, letting go of her hand to wrap an arm around her shoulders warmly, "Mum used to say I learned to run first, then slowed down to a walk."

Lily looked up at him amiably, "I wish we'd met when we were kids."

"Do you?" he shrugged, "I'm glad we didn't, I was kind of a prick."

"I don't doubt that." Lily laughed when he pursed his lips perceptively.

"No really," James assured her, snow blowing around their feet, "I spent more time in detention than I did in class at fifteen."

"At fifteen," Lily mused, "I was winning _Sing It!_ and about to be thrust into the life of the rich and famous."

James turned them along the trail, following the pink markers on the pine trees, "do you regret it?"

Lily chewed on her lower lip before answering, "no, I don't regret it."

James nodded curtly, "then why do you sound so bitter when you talk about it?"

Lily shrugged in his arms, "I guess I'm just upset that I worked my ass off to be a credible singer and songwriter…only for the media to paint me as some naïve child who can't ever be happy in love because heartbreak paid her bills for so many years."

"Well that's not true." James said, "you write about other things besides love and heartbreak."

"I know that," Lily said, "but it doesn't make their attacks any less painful when I read them. It doesn't stop the naysayers from writing awful reviews. It doesn't stop people from being so infatuated with my love life that sometimes, I don't ever want anyone to find out about you and I."

James stopped walking and she turned into him, her arms wrapping around his neck casually. He leaned down, his cold nose brushing her own. She was crazy for him, every piece of him. The way he just so casually blew her mind, even with something as simple as a nose touch, made her crazy.

He kissed her gently before whispering, "We should be more concerned with what my boss would do if he found out, not what the media would do."

Lily pushed her eyebrows together, "what are we going to do when your contract is up?"

James licked his lips, "I don't know."

Her heart broke a bit from the pain in his voice and she gripped his neck tighter, "I don't want to lose you."

"Oh Lily," he pressed his forehead to hers passionately, "I'm yours, forever and always, remember?"

She fought back tears, "until your contract is up, and you get reassigned to some rich heiress in Saudi Arabia and we never see each other again."

"I can't remain your bodyguard if I want to be with you," James reminded her, "so I'd have to be reassigned."

"Just quit."

"Lily," he unwrapped her hands from around his neck to pull them to his chest as he stared lovingly at her, "I know you don't understand but, this job gives me a sense of normalcy, something that I can be proud of."

"You have a lot to be proud of, James."

"Do I?"

Lily pursed her lips together looking up at him with heartbroken eyes as she saw the resolve on his face. She swallowed heavily and rocked into him, snow falling from the tree branches around them. Despite being pressed against James, the cold cut to her bones. James' eyes searched her face as he lifted her fingers to his lips for a kiss. That broke her heart even more.

"I want to make you proud too in more ways than one, I want to stay with you." he whispered, "but I want to be able to live for myself too. I want to have my own income and I want to make a difference. Most of all, what I want _most_, is to feel like I can support myself again without leaning on my parents, or my therapist or even my extremely rich best friend…"

Lily rocked forward, "I hope you're talking about me."

"You are my best friend, the only woman I've ever loved so unequivocally." He frowned, "And this job makes me feel like I'm able to live in a sense of normalcy. Except, of course, when I'm kissing you."

"How am _I_ the singular difference?" Lily asked in disbelief.

"Because you're _you_," he motioned to all of her and she blushed, "you're radiant, poised and everything I could never imagine calling _mine_, in this life or the next."

"You don't give yourself enough credit." She raised her brows, "because you've been mine since the very first day that I met you, when you saved my life on that stage."

James pressed another kiss to her hands, "I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered, "so let me help you, whenever you don't feel confident or handsome or even _happy_…let me help you remember who you are, James."

James took a deep breath, eyes dragging over her face, "do you know what it was like, laying in that hospital bed and not even being able to go to the loo without help? Do you know what it feels like to close your eyes and feel like waves are crashing down into you? Do you know how helpless I felt for months as I learned to walk again? I never want to feel that helpless again."

"Is that why you got so upset last night?" judging by the look on his face, she knew that was why, "It's okay to have help, _you're_ the one who told me that, months ago."

"I know," one of his hands shot to his hair, "But Hell, Lily, do you know what it's like to look at someone like you? I feel so utterly unworthy to even get a moment of your time because you're so _beautiful_ and so kind? And I'm just a broken old soldier who's fallen in love with you."

He put her up on such a pedestal, never knowing that in fact, she always felt the same way about him.

"Do you know what it's like to look at _you_? You went to Hell and back, James, and I constantly can't believe you'd waste your time on someone like me! I've got no right to complain about my life, when compared to yours, I live a life of luxury! I wake up in the night and you're there protecting me, but I feel helpless because how can I protect you in the same sense? I can't even run a kilo without breaking into tears." She snickered through her sentiments and he chuckled too, "James, no one will ever know my story like you do and that's why I love you so damn much. James, I choose _you_. All of you, for all of me."

With a sudden rush of emotion, James leaned down to close the space between them. Lily propped into her tiptoes to kiss him back, her hands firmly clasping around his neck yet again. James picked her up to swing her slightly before setting her back down on her feet. He forehead pressed into hers.

"All of you, for all of me." He agreed breathlessly, "I love you."

Lily broke away just to take his hand and lead him back to the cabin. All the while, they stole small kisses in the woods. The danced in the shadows, making sure Fletcher didn't catch them. His mouth was on her neck up the staircase and into her bedroom. When Lily's door closed behind her, James pressed her into it, locking the door with his spare hand. She took a struggling breath as he picked her up, using the door as support while they kissed fearlessly.

For once, there was no one there to stop them. James pulled back; hazel eyes eager as they stared at each other in the bright light shining from the windows. Lily was warm in her grandas jacket and she slowly slid down from James' grip, starting to unzip the jacket. James watched as she dropped the thick jacket to the floor. When her shirt joined the jacket on the floor, his eyes scraped up her torso favorably.

Lily stepped forward, her fingers starting to unzip his jacket for him. The fleece fell to their feet and her hands lifted his long-sleeved polo over his head next. James' glasses were lopsided, and he took them off as Lily started kicking off her boots. She then began shimming out of her leggings, taking the initiative ahead of time. James consumed her with his eyes, especially when she was left standing in nothing but her socks.

She grinned at his euphoric expression, leaning back against the door to give him a better view. He shook his head, almost like he was in disbelief.

"You need to stop being so irresistible." He said gruffly.

"Sorry, is this too much for you?" she wasn't sorry in the slightest, but she had to pretend.

James looked like he struggled a bit, hopping on to one foot, then the other. She knew it was a battle inside his head, but she'd hoped, after their talk in the forest, he'd be open to a little more with her.

"We don't have to do anything," she vowed, "I just want to look at you, the way you look at me."

James dragged his eyes back up to her face, "I'll need help."

The three, _flawless_ words that she'd been looking for.

James' hazel eyes were smoldering, making her weak in the knees as he bent forward slowly, kissing her delicately. Lily breathed in as she kissed him back, her hands reaching down to tug at his joggers. James took her cue, helping her push the fabric down his hips. She slowly kneeled as she began dragging the joggers past his prosthetic. James help as best he could, only slightly unsteady when she pushed the clothes to his ankles to pull them off.

When she stood back up, they both remained frozen, inches apart, taking in each other's bodies. Her green eyes examined every plane, every divot. There were some scars, previously hidden from his clothes, new ones she got to admire. Her eyes lifted back to his face and she smiled tenderly at him when she saw how tense he was.

"You're absolutely, one hundred percent, remarkable, James."

Suddenly, James stepped forward again, kissing her in a soft, slow kind of kiss saved for moments so special. His hands traced her sides, fingertips sliding up and down her undecorated skin. She breathed into his kiss, feeling nothing but bliss as they came together in a way that only lovers can.

When he began walking backwards, Lily followed him fervently. James sat down on the edge of her mattress and Lily straddled him quickly, without thinking. He pulled back from kissing her, eyeing her guardedly. She just smiled at him, her chest rising and falling between them as she stayed eye to eye with him. His hands had stopped tracing her sides and instead, had taken up residence on her thighs. He shook his head at her, like she was being funny.

"What?" She asked, her fingertips pressing into his chest, "why are you looking at me like that?"

James reached up with one hand to brush her fringe from her eyes, "I just can't believe how beautiful you are."

She leaned forward, capturing his lips with hers once again. James' left hand had taken up residence in her hair and his other hand was tracing up her spine. She sat higher on his lap. She protested with a whine when his lips left hers, but she was pacified when James started kissing her neck, focusing right below her ear.

"Lily." he bit down playfully on his skin, "can you stop being so irresistible?"

"Have you looked in the mirror lately?"

James lifted his mouth from her neck, his nose hitting hers, "Not quite comparable to you, love."

Lily kissed him harder, just for calling her love. Her fingers roamed his back as his fingers moved along her chin. Her heartbeat was pounding so hard she could feel in all the way to her toes as they kissed through their passions. Their actions were spasmodic, feeling and testing each other out. On his lap, she was in control, but keeping herself relatively willed away from any arrangements that might be too much for him. It wasn't too long, however, until she couldn't keep her mind and mouth from going south.

"James," she sighed sensitively when he started kissing down her neck again.

"Hm?" his lips vibrated against her pulse point.

Her eyes closed and her lips clenched, "We have to stop."

"Why?" he demanded against her throat.

"Because," she brushed her fingers through his hair, "you're driving me mad."

He kissed her again friskily, "that's the _point_."

"No," she groaned as she shifted on his thigh, "James, I'm not—I want to keep going."

His head shot up and his eyes blackened, "_oh_."

"Yeah," she assumed weakly, "and you aren't ready for that? Are you?"

James looked at if it were a real dilemma. His hands were holding her like a kid might hold its favorite doll. He started kissing her again, slowly enough that she didn't protest when he leaned away.

"I haven't done that in years, Lil."

She could see he was still hesitant about it. She knew he was uncomfortable with himself and the idea that someone like her could love someone like him. She understood that. After all, she'd said the very same thing to him in the forest. Yet, for all the words, she'd only managed to focus on one important factor that they both had trouble seeing: they belonged together.

"Then how about a little compromise?"

James paused but then nodded, if only a little hesitantly. Elated, Lily started kissing him on the mouth again, taking care to be presumptuous with her tongue. James kissed her back, a little stiff as he waited for her negotiation, not knowing what she had planned. And it was magnetic, the way his body followed hers. Lily felt him everywhere, her body arching to meet his with every kiss. When her lips dragged away from his to plant hot, burning kisses along his neck, James pined favorably.

Lily's feet were soon planted on the ground and she kissed him again, hovering over him. She couldn't resist smirking against his mouth as she started shimming down, her mouth sabotaging James' hands from continuing to trace her hips. Once she was kneeling in front of him, she felt connected to him, her lips tracing the inside of his thigh. James hands found grip in the mattress when he realized what her compromise was.

Once she took control of the situation entirely, he let out a long string of curses. James' nails dug into the white sheets and her hands kept hold of him while her mouth did the rest of the work. The cold hard metal from his prosthetic rubbed against her arm when he jerked against her, but Lily didn't let up until he'd let go completely.

The last time she'd sucked a man off, it had been Lily's desperate attempt at keeping something that didn't want to stay. It had been her only weapon. Months later, with James, the action was entirely different. It was personal, nothing but tender as she helped James become comfortable with the idea of sex again. He felt himself in the best way, James' words of affirmation mixed with gratified sighs told her all she needed to know. And after, when he was lying beside her once they both washed up, he didn't leave her.

He stayed.

They woke up again, hours later, to Fletcher pounding on the door once more. Lily sat up wearily as James shot up with his hair wild around his head. They both blinked sleepily as their eyes adjusted to the darkness that had fallen while they both slept. Fletcher called out Lily's last name and they both realized they were no longer alone. The door handle jiggled once.

"Don't worry, I locked it." James whispered in her ear.

Clearly, the lock was broken, because light from the hallway began flooding the room. Lily shoved James back under the covers, indelicately, as Fletcher threw open her door. She covered her chest with her hand and the covers not currently covering James.

"Sorry Evans," he said, "but have you seen Potter?"

Lily's eyes dropped to James' form beside her, under the covers. Had it not been for the thick down comforter and darkness, he would've been more easily spotted. She looked back up at Fletcher with wide, hopefully innocent, eyes.

"No."

Fletcher sniffed, "he's an hour late and not answering his phone."

"I'm sure he just went for a run," Lily appeased, clearing her throat, "he loves to run."

"In the dark?" Fletcher wrinkled his nose, "without his phone?"

"I'm sure he'll show up soon."

Under the covers, James pinched her arse and she jumped a bit. She cleared her throat again and motioned at Fletcher.

"Mind giving me some time to change and I'll come downstairs to call him?"

"Fine." Fletcher said gruffly, "better you try, before I have Moody call him."

Fletcher closed the door and she relaxed. James pulled the covers from over his head. Lily glared down at him. James' black hair was truly at its messiest, mostly from her hands. She tried to flatten it as he laughed under his breath incase Fletcher was still close by.

"Did you really need to pinch my arse?"

James gave her a sheepish grin, "it's just so cute."

"What do we do?" she asked once her hand fell, "he's looking for you."

James looked around the room, eyes settling on her balcony, "I bet I can get down from your balcony if you distract him."

"And what's your story going to be?" Lily asked as she got up out of bed to find his clothes.

"I'll work on that on my way down that balcony."

"If you die, I'll never forgive you."

Lily thanked the lord for the darkness once again, when she realized they'd left their clothes in a pile by the doorframe. She got up too and they both started pulling on their clothes once more. Lily gave him a chaste kiss before leaving the room, making her way downstairs. Fletcher was waiting for her in the sitting room on the second floor. Lily grabbed her phone off the counter and dialed James' number. There was no answer, not at first. Fletcher watcher her with raised eyebrows.

Suddenly, behind Fletcher, a pair of legs dangled off the balcony. Lily let out a little gasp, her hand flying to her mouth. Fletcher stood up taller, looking agitated.

"What?"

Lily shook herself, trying to look at Fletcher while still watching the legs dangling from the platform above the snowbanks. Lily let out the air she'd pulled in, trying not to look panicked. James' phone still rang.

"Nothing," Lily said, innocently, "I just remembered I forgot to do a face mask last night."

Fletcher's eyebrows couldn't get any higher up his forehead. Lily bit her lip as James suddenly dropped from above. She waited to hear a sickening crash, but no sound came out. She hoped the snow broke most of his fall. She knew for a fact that his prosthetic didn't offer much in the way of high impact.

"He's not answering," Lily dropped her cell, "I'll go look for him outside."

"It's dark."

"My phone has a flashlight."

Lily ran down the stairs, practically hopping two steps at a time. When she made it to the landing, she raced to the screen door that led to where James must've fallen. She spotted him, laying back in the snowbank, black hair spread out like a curly fan. Lily opened the door quickly and ran barefoot into the snow, ignoring the stinging ice at her feet.

"Are you okay?" she demanded, only to find he was laughing.

She stared over him as he cackled, half buried in a snowbank. He looked like he'd been about to start a snow angel, but she knew better. James sat up slowly, eyes crinkled with laughter as he met her concerned stare.

"My arse is a little frozen?" he laughed again, "there's snow in places I never want snow again."

"Did you hit your head?" she asked in concern, but her hand was covering her own giggles.

James shook his head, "nope."

"Then why are you laughing like a loon?"

"Because I haven't snuck out a girls bedroom window like that since I was nineteen years old and about to get murdered by someone's dad."

Lily smirked down at him, "is that so?"

"Oi!" Fletcher voice rang from inside the cabin, "did you find the slacker, Evans?"

"I did!" Lily called back, humor evident in her voice, "he was making snow angels on the job!"

"Unbelievable!" Fletcher barked.

Lily held out her hand to James and he took it, eyes still shining with his laughter. He stumbled a bit on his gears, clearly still recovering from his fall, but he took the opportunity to kiss her swiftly. She tasted snow on his mouth and smiled as he pulled away to shout into the cabin.

"Right, Dung! She's all yours! I'm going to take a long shower!"

Lily stifled her own laughter as James strutted inside, only turning to offer her one more wink before he disappeared up the stairs. Juniper peeked her head out the open door and meowed at Lily, as if confused to why the humans were stupid enough to let the cold into the house. Lily shook her head a little, amused, as she walked back into the cabin. Her feet were frozen and so she placed them near the landing furnace, cooing to her cat while she waited for her toes to thaw.

James snuck into her room well after midnight, curling up inside the covers with her. They kissed lazily, enjoying each other's company while they still had the time. Tomorrow, they were expected to fly back to England and with the future came uncertainty. There had been something so casual about Lake Placid, giving Lily and James the confidence that they both needed to wrap their arms around each other so vulnerably.

She wished they could stay in Lake Placid, but she knew that they couldn't hide from the real world forever. She packed the next morning, wiping away tears as she realized that her little break from Hollywood had only made her ache for normalcy in the way James ached. He wanted to feel normal, without a disability. Lily wanted to feel normal, without cameras focused on her every move. They both just wanted to live a normal life with each other but if anything was made clear…it was that neither Lily nor James would ever be normal again.

Leaving the cabin behind was harder than Lily could've ever imagined. There had once been a time she didn't think she'd ever come back to Lake Placid, but James had changed her perspective. He'd reminded her that she had to appreciate the little things because at the end of the day, Lily had no way of predicting when she might lose it all. She wiped her eyes as she put Juniper's cat carrier in the car.

Amongst the snow and glistening pines, the cabin was a beautiful reminder of her quiet holiday with James. She traced the eves of the house affectionately, hoping that one day she might bring her kids to the cabin. James came out of the cabin to find her staring at the old home and he leaned against the porch, giving her an extra thing to admire.

"You look mighty fit against that pole, Potter."

James laughed a loud and booming laugh that she felt all the way to her soul, "not so bad yourself, Red."

He'd been just as sad that morning when they woke up, but there was a definitive sparkle behind his hazel eyes that reminded Lily of a child. She had a feeling that he was feeling more confident, if she had to guess.

He slapped her arse when he walked past her to get to the loo on the plane.

She blew him a kiss when Fletcher wasn't looking while they waited to get out of the jet.

They both sent each other numbing stares as he helped her down the last step onto the runway. She was so distracted by the love in his eyes that she almost didn't notice the paparazzi waiting on the other side of the fence. It was a private airport, which naturally meant Lily had no privacy at all. She threw her sweatshirt hood over her head, hiding her face.

James stayed ahead of her. Fletcher put an unwelcome arm around her waist to drag her to a car waiting just beyond the plane steps. Camera flashes were going off as Fletcher practically shoved Lily into the car and slammed the door. James got into the passenger seat and Fletcher took the spot next to Lily. The driver turned to look at her, making sure her seatbelt was on, before he took off.

Lily felt the most stressed when the car pulled up to her family home and she saw a dozen paparazzi waiting for her beyond a police line. There were fans as well, all waiting with posters and CDs for Lily to hopefully sign. James took a deep breath in the front seat when the car pulled to a stop amongst the crowds. Frank appeared amongst the people, pushing and shoving to get to Lily's door. James got out to help and together, they both managed to make a clear path for Lily to walk on.

Fletcher didn't wait to ask if she was ready, instead he sent the car door flying open. The sound of her name being screamed deafened her and the flashes of cameras blinded her as she got out. She held on tightly to Juniper's carrying case as Fletcher practically ran Lily to the front door. She was almost to the door when it flung open to reveal her father.

A joyful sound escaped her. Lily passed Juniper's carrying case to Fletcher and then she started running, really running, until she was wrapped up in her father's grip. Lily buried her face into her dad's sweater, breathing in his familiar scent. Stephan Evans rocked Lily softly, as if knowing she'd needed a good and long hug.

"Welcome home, Superstar."

"I've missed you, dad." Lily said, "so much."

James and Frank pushed everyone inside, Fletcher had Juniper in his arms. Lily only made it five feet into the house before her grandfather appeared, walking with a cane. Lily perked up and bounded over to the old man, laughing through her tears as she hugged him tightly. Granda Evans hugged her back, kissing her cheek fondly.

"Why are you crying?" he asked gruffly, "this isn't a funeral!"

"I'm happy!" Lily said, pulling back to eye his wrinkled face, "I've missed you!"

Her granda, rough around the edges, scoffed but hugged her again, "we missed you too, Lil."

James and her father shook hands warmly, both of them exchanging pleasantries. Frank and Fletcher were talking in the corner, both of them worried about the fanfare outside. Lily perked up when Juniper meowed from her carrying case in Fletcher arms.

"Oh god, sorry June!" she said, running to take the carrying case from Fletcher and opening it.

Juniper jumped out of the case and onto the floor. Her fluffy black tail rose in the air as she bounded up the nearby staircase. Lily had a feeling it would take a lot to convince Juniper to leave again, she loved the upstairs bedrooms. She only focused on Frank when she heard him arguing with James.

"She's only just gotten home." James was saying to Frank.

"Everyone knows she's here." Frank deadpanned, "we don't have the staff to support this."

"So, what are you suggesting? She can't leave." James ruffled his hair, "she's here for her sister's wedding."

Frank's jaw was hard pressed, "There's the Scotland Chateau."

"I have a radio one interview in the morning." Lily spoke up, not letting the men make decisions for her, "I don't want to be all the way in Scotland."

"After the radio one interview then." Frank said, "but without Alice, I don't feel comfortable keeping you here, Evans."

"Doesn't Moody have an extra body or two?" James asked, "for the week?"

Frank shook his head, "everyone's on assignment, James, Dung was our last option."

"Hey!" Fletcher said, annoyed, "I'm standin' right here!"

James and Frank looked like they cared less where Fletcher was. The boys continued to argue if she should go to Scotland or not. Lily decided to let them argue, despite it being a waste of time because there was no way in Hell she was going to Scotland when she needed to be in England. While James and Frank went over the logistics, Lily unpacked her things in her old bedroom.

Petunia had all but moved out of the room and even the bed was stripped of its linens. Lily dropped her suitcase onto Petunia's old bed and opened it, pulling out a pair of old joggers to wear downstairs for tea. Lily brushed her hair and freshened up, all while staring at the pictures on the wall leftover from Petunia's departure.

Lily's lips pursed together, and she leaned onto Petunia's bed to stare at a particular picture in wonderment. Lily's hair was shorter back then, curled around her face to frame her wide smile. Petunia was wearing once of Lily's favorite scarves, her nose red from the cold. The snow around them was falling quickly and Lily could close her eyes and remember what it felt like, little drops of cold on her face. She could remember her mum's laughter and the snowball fights on the lake. She missed those times; they were certainly simpler.

A knock on her door made her turn swiftly to find Frank standing in her doorway. Lily put down her hairbrush and tilted her head at Frank. He was wearing a look that told her he wasn't very happy.

"What's up, Frank?"

"You can stay here." Frank mumbled, "but just be aware that we can't ensure your protection as well here as we can at the Scotland cottage."

"I'll be fine," Lily said, walking over to Frank, "Between you, Fletcher and James…I don't really worry."

Frank nodded behind Lily, "this your room?"

Lily smiled, "my childhood bedroom, I shared it with my sister."

Frank looked around the small room with the double twin beds, "hard to imagine Lily Evans growing up in such a small bedroom."

Lily crossed her arms, surveying the room herself. It was small and decidedly less grandeur than Frank had ever seen her in. The sheets on the old twin bed were yellowed with age and the comforter was painted with rainbows. Lily's side of the room had two posters, one poster depicting Orlando Bloom in Pirates of the Caribbean and the other poster of sleeping cats.

"I didn't have much," Lily conceded, "but I always had music."

Frank nodded once more at Lily before leaving her to finish unpacking her suitcase. She was slow, if only because she was hoping James would come upstairs for a quick kiss. She was sorely disappointed when she was still alone a half hour later. Lily finally gave in and descended the stairs to find the reason James hadn't come upstairs was because he'd been locked in a game of chess with her father. Lily leaned on the bannister and watched as James moved one of his pieces, causing her father to curse.

Something about James getting along so well with her father, made her want to kiss him even more. She held herself back the moment Frank walked into her view carrying a cell phone and talking into it hurriedly. Fletcher appeared, eating a finger sandwich. Lily watched as the older man danced around Frank to go outside, a blunt in his fingers. Lily rolled her eyes before finishing her decent on the stairs and entering the sitting room.

The curtains were drawn shut, likely to discourage wandering camera lenses. Lily fell into the chair between her father and James, placing her chin in her hands. She watched the boys play chess for a while before she made her way over to a guitar in the corner of the room. Lily absentmindedly strummed out _Fearlessly Red_, lost in the key changes and wondering what she should sing at the radio one interview.

She wanted to sing the Piper song that her friend Benji had written, _Memories of Yesterday_. She also knew she wanted to sing Starlight, the song she wrote for her granda. She got to sing three songs though and the third was remaining a mystery. It wasn't until later that night while laying alone in bed that she decided to sing _Burning _because even if she hadn't gotten the song produced, she could easily do an acoustic guitar like she'd done for Carmen.

James texted her, just as she was falling asleep.

**James Potter:** This hotel room is pretty lonely without you, love

Lily smiled and rolled onto her stomach to text him back: _this bed is pretty empty without you, baby_

Three little dots told lily that James was texting her back right away, so she waited for his reply.

**James Potter:** before radio one, would you like to work out with me?

Lily fingered the edges of her phone, wondering if he knew what he was asking: _what about the paps?_

**James Potter:** Annie's gym is inside, actually, so you'd be safe from paps.

Lily perked up, recognizing the name of one of the people James talked to quite often. Lily knew Minerva (her therapist) was one of James' close friends but Annie was a mystery to Lily. All Lily knew was that James credited most of his recovery to his gym friend. When Lily didn't text him back right away, James sent her a slew of texts.

**James Potter:** You don't have too.

**James Potter:** I mean I want you too.

**James Potter:** But I understand if you'd consider it a risk.

Lily texted him back, to ease his worries_: if anyone asks or gets pictures I can always lie and say I've known Annie for years. They'd just assume you were with me to protect me._

James sent her a smiley face. Lily hearted it before texting him again: _I wish you were here._

**James Potter:** reckon either of us will get any sleep?

Lily moved her fingers swiftly across her screen: _not unless you're suddenly standing at my bedroom door_

**James Potter:** Frank was oddly specific that I sleep away from you

Lily smirked as she typed out her reply: _I heard him yelling at you to not come back until 8am_

**James Potter:** I think this'll be the longest time we've spent apart since July.

Lily's smirk was replaced by a frown: _I miss you James_

**James Potter:** I'll be standing by and waiting at your back door at 8am tomorrow

Lily bit her lip as she typed back: _I love you._

**James Potter:** I love you so much more. Try to get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning.

Lily couldn't help but feel like it was as if the hallelujah chorus when he walked through her back door the next morning dressed in joggers and a sweatshirt. She resisted the urge to jump into his arms since everyone was around but the minute they were in the car, heading into Manchester her hand found his under the dash. They took the route that the GPS suggested, even if some paps were following them. When James and Lily got out of the car, cameras were already pointed at them. James used his arms to block her face from view as a woman came running out of the small gym.

She was short, tiny and had a blond pixie cut. Her clothes were worn, and she flipped a bird at the paps as she helped lead Lily into the doorway. As Lily's eyes adjusted to the dim gym lights, James and the woman hugged tightly. The woman was laughing, rocking back and forth in James' arms.

"Hi James!" the woman was bubbly, Lily liked her immediately, "it's been too long!"

James pulled away from Annie and motioned to Lily, "this is Lily Evans, Lily this is my friend Annie!"

Lily and the woman shook hands, "Annie Faith, Lily, it's such a pleasure to meet the woman James can't shut up about."

James flushed when Lily shot him a coy look and his hand shot to his hair, "I may have mentioned you once or twice."

"Once or twice?" Annie snorted before considering Lily, "for a while, I was muting the phone on him."

Lily smiled kindly at Annie, "I could talk your ear off about him as well."

Annie smiled back, "would you like to work out with us this morning?"

Lily nodded, "just go easy on me, I'm not very athletic."

"I've been trying to turn her," James boasted, "but she's the least coordinated multi-platinum songwriter I've ever met."

"She's the _only_ multi-platinum songwriter you've ever met." Annie laughed, smacking James for Lily.

Annie was just getting Lily on the treadmill so she and James could lift when Lily's phone went off. Lily answered the phone, keeping the treadmill stilled with one finger on the power. She didn't recognize the caller, but she knew that some of her friends often changed their numbers. When Lily answered, she was astonished when it was Samantha, Peter's intern, on the other end.

"Samantha?"

"Hi Lily," Samantha sounded upset.

"Is something wrong?"

Lily stepped down from the treadmill entirely and James looked up with worry from his machine. Lily waved at James to stay put before putting her finger on her other ear so she could hear Samantha better. It was strange for Peter's intern to call her, especially on a private number.

"Peter, did he mention anything bad about Lake Placid?"

"No," Lily said honestly, "he was excited, why?"

"What about me...I don't know what…"

"Did something happen?" Lily asked nervously.

That's when James bounded over to her side, placing a hand on her shoulder. Annie looked up from her ropes and saw the two lovers staring at each other anxiously and Annie called James' name, but James ignored her. Lily bit her lip, staring into James' hazel eyes as she waited for Samantha's response.

"I don't know," Samantha sighed, and Lily could tell she was crying, "but I've never seen him so...I don't know he's just weird."

"Weird?"

"Lily, he fired all his interns last night in an email…" Samantha said, "all of us."

"What?" Lily's voice raised in alarm, "why?"

"He said we weren't necessary anymore." Samantha said, "he told us that we were being eliminated due to company downsizing."

"Marauder Records isn't downsizing." Lily argued, "I would've been told, I'm about to resign with them for three more records in December."

"I don't know Lily," Samantha sounded broken hearted, "I just figured I'd tell you, since you've always been so nice to me, I've loved working for you."

Samantha hung up and Lily dropped the phone in shock, looking at James in disbelief, "Peter fired all his interns today."

"Samantha?" James realized, "What did she say?"

"Marauders Records is downsizing?"

"What?" James furrowed his brow, "how? You're it's money maker."

Lily pressed her fingers to her nose, "I need to call Peter."

She dialed his number, but no one answered.

James consoled her with his hands on her face, "it's early there. Come work out with me and then we'll try to get ahold of Peter, okay?"

Lily nodded but she couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong if Peter told people Marauders Records was downsizing. Annie hissed back and forth with James as Lily got back on the treadmill. Annie looked concerned over Lily's expression. James appeased his friend, telling her not to worry.

Lily wished she could be consoled by a few words, but even James knew that was pointless.

_Why hadn't she been told?_

Downsizing might mean that Peter no longer wanted to record with Lily. Lily worried that Peter no longer saw a future in her career as a singer-songwriter. Lily began to worry she was destined to never record with Marauders Records again.

What if she never got to record…ever again?

Sirius wouldn't let that happen. He was a member of Marauders Records which meant he had to know what was going on. She knew Sirius would never give up on her just because she wanted to take a few months off. Sirius was her best friend and would tell her anything. At least, she hoped so.

Lily texted Sirius as she walked on the treadmill: _have u heard from Peter? Apparently, Marauders Records is downsizing?!_

She waited with bated breath for an answer from her producer or her manager, unsure what was about to happen when she finally did get word.


	16. Superstar

There was an instant flicker of terror to it all.

Going from seeing no one but James and Fletcher for days to cameras flashing in Lily's face every time she stepped outside was draining. She was back to worrying about her hair, her face and her clothes. People she hadn't spoken to in months texted her to ask her how she was, assuming she was better now that she was back in the spotlight. On the streets, people were screaming her name, from the moment she stepped off the plane. The whole experience was something of a bombshell to Lily because she realized she didn't want to be that person anymore.

She wanted a simple life again where she made music because she loved it, not because she was expected to do it. Lily wanted to go to the grocery store to get ice cream without eight hundred articles being published about it that next day. It sent her mind reeling with the realization that she had to now find a way to be both a singer and a normal girl in her twenties just trying to live life.

She slept like shit without James, even being back in her childhood bedroom didn't ease her anxiety. The windows were things she avoided again. When she woke up to the sun breaking through the dark curtains, she wished she was still in Lake Placid among the snow drifts. Downstairs, she ducked away from open windows and made breakfast with a hoodie covering her face. Her dad spotted her sitting on the ground in the kitchen, stirring her tea with a spoon.

"Press still hasn't left?" he walked into the room and Lily shook her head.

"I don't know what they're all waiting for," she complained, "it's like I'm a fucking animal in a zoo and I hate it."

Her dad groaned as he sat down cross-legged next to her, leaning against the old kitchen cabinets. Even though the Cokesworth home had once been a safe space for Lily to be in, now Lily was now too famous. Nowhere was safe if everyone knew about it. She sipped her tea, staring at the yellowing tiles below her bare feet.

"Do-do you want to leave?" her father's voice was strangled, like the very thought broke his heart, "I'm sure we can get you a place with more coverage."

Lily sighed and leaned her head against the cabinet before swaying her head side to side, "I just wish they'd leave me alone."

Her father roped his arm around her shoulders and Lily tucked her head into his grasp, "have you heard from Peter yet?"

Lily shook her head again, "No."

"Well," her father was tentative, "when did he say he'd be in town?"

"Not until my Radio One interview," Lily said, "and he scheduled it for the same day as Pet's wedding so I'm trying to get it changed."

"That's not going to work," her dad said, "can you change it?"

"That's his job, isn't it?" Lily sipped her tea again, resentfully this time.

"Yeah," her dad sighed, "but I bet if you call, they'll do anything you ask."

Lily snuggled into her father's grasp more, "wish they could do it this afternoon, so I have a reason to get out of Cokesworth."

Her dad dejectedly drew back, "you and your sister are two peas in a pod, sometimes."

"Excuse me?"

Lily was shocked by his comment. Lily and Petunia were two _very_ different girls. Polar opposites, most of the time. Petunia was prickly, pointed and snooty. Lily liked to believe that she was soft, flexible and welcoming. As if knowing he'd offended Lily, her father got off the kitchen floor, using the countertop for support.

"Both of you only ever wanted to get out of Cokesworth," he explained, cracking his back, "as if this little town was _nothing_."

"Don't tell me you _like_ Cokeswroth." Lily narrowed her eyes at her dad, "the only reason we moved here as kids was because you had to take a job at that canning factory down the road so Pet and I could go to school at Prudence Prep."

"And it was a good job," he said, getting some cups down from the cabinets, "it put food on the table and got you that guitar for your seventh birthday."

"Yeah," Lily agreed, "I'm thankful for you raising us here and for giving us whatever you could, despite the finances being tight…I just didn't think you loved Cokesworth so much."

"Cokesworth is simple and I am always happy here." Her father put two sugars in his cup, "But _you_ aren't happy here."

Lily kept her lips firmly shut. Her father continued.

"You don't want to someday own this house, or raise your kids here, or even remain nearby when you're done being Lily Evans." He stirred his drink with a small spoon, "even after all these years jumping from city to city, Superstar, you still only want to sing to crowds of 59,000 and you can't do that here in Cokesworth."

"No." Lily shrugged, "but maybe I don't want to sing sold out stadiums anymore."

"Is that so?" Stephan Evans looked down at his daughter with a knowing expression, "Thinking of settling down like your sister?"

Lily snorted mirthlessly, "I don't want to play housewife, dad. I just want to live in a small town like…like Lake Placid?"

He stopped stirring his drink, "Lake Placid?"

Lily brushed her hair from her eyes and noted, "you don't sound very enthused by that."

"You asked me to sell that cabin." Her dad pointed out, "right after—right after your mum died."

Lily chewed her lip, knowing he was right, "Things changed."

"What changed?" he asked warily.

"Everything."

She drew her knees to her chest.

Her father put down a spoon, the noise echoing through the kitchen as if he'd dropped it on the linoleum floor. His voice was thick with grief when he spoke again.

"It didn't hurt going back there?"

The pain flashed across his face was an echo of her own pain. She remembered the pain that shattered her after the first morning back in the cabin, when she'd found Christmas decorations still placed and poised for use. She remembered all the memories that hurt as she dragged James around the house. She remembered James asking her if she wanted to leave but Lily had told him no because amongst all the pain…was a sort of warm bliss that would never go away.

"It hurt like Hell." She finally responded, her fingers tracing the edge of her cup.

"Then why go back?" he sounded puzzled and she couldn't blame him.

Lily uncrossed her legs and stood up. She placed her tea on the counter and put her hand over top of his. She looked her father eye-to-eye, seeing the time that had passed in his face. He was grayer now and had a lot more wrinkles than he'd started with.

"It's the only place I felt was left untouched by my fame."

"Not Cokesworth?" he asked, "not the house you were raised in?"

"No."

She watched her father plug in the toaster before he continued, "were you all alone up there?"

Lily busied herself making them both toast for breakfast, "no."

"Sirius?" her father guessed.

Lily cleared her throat before saying, "just my bodyguards and I."

Almost on cue, Fletcher walked into the kitchen, yawning. He was wearing the same clothes as the day before and had a mustard stain on his shirt. Lily frowned as he helped himself to orange juice from the cooler. He only mumbled a hello to them both after he drank the whole glass.

"Where's Potter?" Fletcher asked Lily gruffly, "he ought to be here now."

"We supposed to go work out again with Annie," Lily glanced at her wristwatch, "so he should be here soon."

Her dad choked on his tea, "working out?" he blinked furiously at her, "_you_?"

Lily pinched her dad's arm humorously, "don't sound so surprised."

Suddenly, Lily's phone started ringing in her pocket. The vibrations were nothing like the phantom feelings she'd been feeling since she'd tried to get ahold of Peter. Her father buttered their toast while she took the call.

"Sirius?"

"Hey Lil," Sirius sounded fatigued, "I was flying back to Los Angeles from Australia. What's going on?"

Lily crossed her arms over her chest, "so, one of Peter's interns called me two days ago and said that Peter _fired_ her."

"What?"

"Because Marauders Records is downsizing?"

"_Downsizing_?" she could practically hear the disbelief in Sirius' voice, "why would they be downsizing? Peter told me all our contracts are being resubmitted and signed in December. The meeting's already been set up."

Lily pushed her hair back from her face as she disclosed, "I don't know, but Peter's not answering my phone calls right now."

"I'll try to get ahold of him," Sirius appeased, "but if he hasn't answered you then someone died, or something bad has happened, because he'd go against the world for you."

"Do you think he's hurt?" Lily felt bad for not even considering Peter was possibly injured, "I can call his old intern back…"

"I'll be in New York in a few days," Sirius reasoned, "I'll check his flat but I'm sure he's just busy or something."

"Or something." Lily echoed, feeling cold seep into her bones.

Sirius was walking through the crowded Los Angeles streets, she could hear the honking of cars in the background, "give my love to the family for me."

"I will," she hopped foot to foot, "I'll let you know when I hear from Peter."

"Likewise," Sirius vowed, "let's plan a lunch date when you get back to New York! I want to talk about demos!"

"Sounds like fun."

Lily hung up feeling defeated, if only because she'd been hoping Sirius was actually Peter calling to ease her worries. She tried not to bother Peter, she always felt back when she did, after all she wasn't his only client. Still, she considered Peter family and she knew he wouldn't do anything to harm her.

It still wasn't fair that he fired his interns though. They were hardworking people and if he was trying to budget, she'd take the money out of her own accounts to make sure Samantha and her friends kept their positions. Lily didn't need the money and she wanted to help Samantha. Lily liked the bubbly and spirited intern as much as she liked her own girlfriends.

Lily ended up calling Radio One after James arrived to take her to Annie's gym. The gym was an hour away, so it gave her time to be connected with the programming and marketing departments. They were eager to please and set up for a recording that afternoon at their downtown studios. Lily even got them to pull together some of her old bandmates last minute, something she'd thought might be impossible. By the time she hung up, she felt like she'd conquered the world.

Beside her in the car, James was rubbing his knees, clearly awkward next to Frank. They were both talking about the Radio One afternoon. Frank determined immediately that he'd be Lily's primary guard that day and James was just another body for protection. James didn't seem to like that order, but he was back with Frank, which meant Frank called the shots.

Lily bit her tongue so she didn't get involved, she knew it would only upset them both.

Frank stood off near the door at Annie's gym, thankfully, giving Lily and James a bit more contact time. James helped her with her push-ups while Annie and he talked. Lily and Annie's relationship was nothing if fluid, the young gym owner being positive aura amongst the panic. Annie had the same special talent of making people forget their troubles that James had. It didn't surprise Lily that Annie and James were so close, especially when Annie pulled out her phone and started flickering through photographs while James did a set of pull ups.

"This is from the first week of physical therapy." Annie fell to the ground by Lily's feet and passed Lily her iPhone, "you should see the progress he's made!"

Lily had no idea she was about to see a picture of James before healing and so she almost dropped the cell phone as a result. Annie leaned into Lily's space and moved her figures over the screen to zoom in on James' form. He was using what appeared to be two ballet poles as his support. Both his legs bent in opposite directions and his hospital gown hung off his limp body. It was absolutely gut wrenching to see the man she loved so much…so broken.

"Holy shit." Was all Lily could say as Annie flipped ahead in the folder.

The next photograph appeared to be a few weeks later, based on the curls appearing on James' once shaved head. He was laughing whenever Annie took the photo. Lily could hear his laugh, almost as if the photograph were a video. He was still using poles to stand in the photograph but even Lily could see the difference between the two photos. At least, the difference in his face.

"It took me three months," Annie said, "to get him to build up his strength and confidence."

Lily flicked across to the next photo, finding James grinning stupidly at the camera. He had a protein shake in one hand and his other hand was holding onto a crutch that he leaned into. His curls were sticking right up, instead of flopping over his forehead. Lily preferred its current length, but she couldn't deny James looked good even with short curls. Annie came in closer, smiling when she saw what photograph Lily was looking at.

"That's the day I knew he was going to be okay." Annie lowered her voice, "for a while there, I was worried he'd never break out of the depression."

"He's the bravest man I've ever met." Lily said affectionately, passing Annie her phone back, "I don't know what I did to deserve meeting him but I'm thankful we did meet."

"He came in, the day after Manchester." Annie's eyes momentarily dropped as she recalled, "I've never seen him run so hard and be so concerned about…a stranger…before."

Lily twisted her hair on her finger as she gazed James' direction, "I didn't know what to make of him back then," she admitted to Annie, "but I truly owe him my life and care deeply for him now."

"He might not show it," Annie chuckled, tucking her phone back into her pocket, "but he cares about you too."

Lily feigned innocence, "I hope so."

"When he doesn't know what to say, he can come off as standoffish." Annie didn't know that Lily already knew that, "but he's just trying to prove he's okay."

"He's stubborn."

Annie laughed and nodded, "he used to come in and tell all my clients in my veteran classes that if he could run, they could walk."

"Yeah," Lily tittered, "it _kills_ me how much better at running he is than me with one less foot."

"Hey," Annie winked at Lily, "you move back to England, Evans, and I'll have you running circles around James in no time."

"I'd love to kick his ass in something." Lily professed, "knock down his ego."

"Are you two talking about me behind my back?" James called from his post, sweat shining from his forehead.

"No!" the girls said simultaneously, sending each other private grins when James rolled his eyes.

Back at the house in Cokesworth, after being at Annie's gym for over two hours, Lily found herself itching to write songs again. She was disappointed she wouldn't have time since she had to go do the BBC Radio One interview. She stared forlornly at her guitar in the corner of the sitting room while she did her own make up. She had so much she was feeling and so much she wanted to say.

Lily shook in her heels when she walked into the Radio One studios for her interview. It would've been much easier; had she already not been anxious. It just didn't help that she hadn't heard from Peter and Sirius had made her feel guilty for not worrying that something might be wrong with Peter. Peter had always done his best to keep Lily in the loop but maybe her fame was becoming too much for the both of them.

Lily entered the interview room at BBC Radio One with only moments to spare. Frank practically tread on Lily's heels through the door. He was looking rather irked after he had to elbow back some paparazzi back at the front door. Lily was feeling like a thousand ants were crawling on her skin where some random guy grabbed her arm on her way in. If Frank noticed her displeasure, he didn't draw attention to it.

_James would've…_

Lily glanced back as the door closed behind James when he followed Lily's entourage into the large business building. He was wearing jeans and a grey vest that was embroidered with Moody's security logo. She already missed him wearing something other than his uniform. She already wished he was standing at her side whenever she so asked, just so that she could grab his hand for support when she was scared.

Lily had a feeling if she grabbed Frank's hand, he'd have a conniption and here was no way in Hell she was touching Fletcher's hand.

Lily met the smiling face of the interviewer when they swept into a large studio filled with pianos, guitars and other various instruments. The interviewer was a tall woman with dark eyes named Clara, someone Lily had heard of but never met until that day. Everyone said Clara was nice and fair, so Lily forced her smile onto her face. Carla kissed her cheek when Lily held her hands out for a hug. Lily pulled back from Clara with her face as fake as it could come. When she caught a glimpse on James in the window, she saw his brow knit together with worry over her.

Not wanting to upset James further, Lily attempted to be a little more believable. She stood upright and straightened her dress. She projected happiness and enlighten, despite being nervous and anxious on the inside. The only thing she couldn't change were the way her hands shook so Lily clasped them together.

"So nice to meet you." Lily told Clara benevolently, "thank you for offering to do the interview today so that I'd be available all day for my sister's wedding on the 13th!"

"My pleasure," Clara took Lily's hand and led her over to a couple of benches, "this will be fun!"

"Of course." Lily pressed down her red dress with her fingertips as she sat down on one of the sofas by a fake window that simply looked at a brick wall, "I'm so excited to be here."

"I'm so happy you called." Clara said honestly, "we had a cancellation, so I thought I was about to be stuck doing computer work the rest of the day!"

"Well, then I'm happy I could fill in the spot."

Lily was handed a mic as camera people set up around them. Frank was talking into an earpiece by the door and Lily couldn't help but wish James had been the one to come inside with her, but he was outside the recording room with Fletcher instead. She licked her painted lips and settled down farther into her seat, trying to feign her confidence. Clara directed Lily on some of the questions ahead of time, giving Lily something to focus on besides her frazzled brain. By the time cameras and mics were on, Lily was just ready to get out of the studio.

"Good morning and welcome to Radio One, Live Lounge." Clara's voice was smooth, like the perfect tea, and that helped relax Lily some, "our guest today has come all the way from New York to participate in Live Lounge month and is a very big deal here in London, please welcome home, Lily Evans!"

Lily took her cue without missing a beat, "hello Clara, hello Radio One, it's so nice to be back in London after so much time away! I've missed London!"

"Tell me, Lily, what do you love most about London?"

"Everything is all together and there's no sense of brokenness in the busy streets," Lily said gracefully, without pause, "it just feels like home."

"But you love New York as well?" Clara said, waggling her eyebrows, "you've spent quite a bit of time there lately."

"I do love New York," Lily agreed, tilting her head, "but not the city, I love upstate."

"Upstate New York?"

"Yes, especially around this time of year! I went hiking last weekend and the leaves are gorgeous! Reds! Golds! Gah, there's just something so tragical and magical about the way that the leaves nurture color, just to lose it all."

"How poetic." Clara mused, "Do you like hiking now, as a hobby?"

Lily gave a tiny bit of a laugh, "I've been told I'm not very athletic, but I'm trying."

"Everyone's seen your performance at the little outdoor restaurant in New York by now," Clara leaned closer to Lily, stars in her eyes, "the one you did for the fan. In that video, you said you were blissfully happy. Is there any particular reason for that?"

Lily's mouth opened to say his name, but she promptly shut it.

_James_.

James Potter was the reason for her utter bliss, but she couldn't tell anyone for fear of losing him.

"My life and the people in it," Lily finally whirred cryptically, "Hollywood can simultaneously be lonely and yet, filled with people all at once. Recently, I think the lesson I learned most is that you shouldn't care so much if you feel misunderstood by a lot of people who don't know you, as long as you feel understood by the people who do know you."

"What about the song you sang, the new one?" Clara asked her, "does it have a name?"

"Yes," Lily fingered the edges of her mic, "I've written several new songs and I cannot wait to share them with the world once my new record deal goes through with Marauders Records."

She left Peter a tidbit, there was no way he wasn't listening in to make sure she was okay. Even if he was too busy to answer her texts, he always kept up with her interviews. Clara looked dissatisfied with Lily's answer.

"Does that mean you won't be sharing any new music today?"

Lily shook her head softly, "I do plan on singing a new song for you today."

Clara waggled her eyebrows at the camera, "Is that so?"

"Yes, my friend Benji wrote the song for _Piper_, the new Disney Princess movie I've been working on since summer. I asked him for the chance to make it my own." She explained, "so I brought my own version of the song to share with everyone and hopefully, encourage people to go see it when it hits theatres in December."

"How exciting!" Clara actually sounded thrilled at the thought, "and what was it like, becoming a Disney Princess?"

"Unbelievable!" Lily said truthfully, "Every little girl grows up dreaming of becoming a Princess and _Piper_ is certainly near and dear to my heart now. I just want everyone to love her as much as I do! She's brave, clever and so very kind. I just love her character so much, especially since she's a redhead!"

Clara touched Lily's shoulder kindly, "we cannot wait to see you at the premier in a few weeks!"

"I can't wait either," Lily tucked her hair behind her ear, hoping Clara couldn't see right through the lie.

The interview moved on to clothing styles, song lyrics and favorite foods. Clara surprised Lily with two new cat stickers for her phone case, something Lily's fans had used to do before shows. When the interview was over, Lily thanked Clara generously before the cameras and mics shut off.

Clara left and the band entered, including Lily's old back-up singers from the Roses tour. Lily almost burst into tears when they walked through the door into the studio, running to hug each of them tenderly. All four ladies had been with Lily for years and Lily really couldn't imagine singing on tour without them. In this case, they were only so happy to help her with two of her songs.

Lily sang Starlight first, for her grandfather. She rocked and rolled with the sounds, her lips brushing against the mic as she sang. The pop mellow tune was the perfect start to her four-song stint at Radio One, getting Lily into the groove as she melted away from Starlight and into the dark undertones of Roses. Her singers backed her up where Lily's guitar couldn't, and someone was playing the piano softly in the corner according to Lily's arrangement. Benji's beautiful song Memories of Yesterday was last, and Lily sang it alone on the piano. The chords gave way to a haunting description of Piper's pain and suffering while under toning hope and happiness that Piper longed for.

It was the perfect song for Lily to end with.

She ended to clapping from both her peers and the people behind the studio windows. James was all the way in the back, looking at her through the crowd, always the only thing she cared about. Lily bowed as she left the piano before meeting Frank at the door. Frank was talking on his phone, the Radio One producers continued fluffing her ego as they walked her out. James and Fletcher fell to Lily's side while she walked out onto the London streets.

Her fans were there waiting, waiting just to catch a glimpse of her. The moment Lily left the warm studio, her name was being repeated by hundreds of voices all at once. Lily glanced back at James and he nodded, already knowing what she was asking for. Lily tore her gaze away from her lover before skipping over to the barricades holding her fans in. James, Frank and Fletcher kept her safe as she moved to take as many selfies as possible with her fans. They were all stretching their hands out to touch her, to know her.

None of them would ever know her the way James did, but they still loved her despite it all.

Eventually, Frank forced Lily to leave, telling her that she had a commitment quarter after three in another part of London. Lily took one more selfie before passing the phone back as she was ushered to her waiting car. Fletcher slid in next to Lily. James slid in across from Lily and when their knees brushed, she sent him a pining look that sent a curved smile onto his face.

Once the car began moving, Lily pulled out her phone again to see if she had any missed calls from Peter. Again, she was disappointed by his lack of explanation for the firing of Samantha and his other interns.

She dialed Peter's number for the fifth time that day, "Hey Peter, it's Lily. I'm just calling again to ask about my friend Samantha. I'll be available all afternoon, I just have a dress fitting for Pet's wedding but that's it. I hope you're still coming to her wedding. _Please_ call me back when you can."

Lily hung up, decidedly thwarted. James looked up from his side of the car.

"Anything?" James already knew the answer, he could read the disappointment in her face.

"Nothing." She admitted, sighing and sliding against the car seat dramatically, "he's normally really bad about answering his phone, so maybe I should just stop panicking?"

James looked like he wanted to say something more, but his eyes were trained on Fletcher. Lily knew James didn't like Fletcher and honestly, the feeling seemed to be mutual from Fletcher. Lily had to wait for the car to park and for Fletcher to get out before James would speak again.

"I've never trusted Peter, Lily."

"He's never led me astray before." Lily defended her manager, "he's always put my career goals first."

"Yeah." James said, but he didn't sound very convinced.

Lily got out of the car, finding herself in front of a bridal boutique with a crooked sign. Her sister was standing out front looking at her cell phone. Petunia's blond hair was wrapped elegantly against her neck and she wore a flowery dress that looked right out of a housewife's magazine. Lily called her sister's name and Petunia looked up. With the dreary clouds above darkening her fair complexion, Petunia had never before looked more like Rose Evans and Lily felt a ripple of jealousy in her stomach.

Lily was already embarrassed by the crash and burn that was bound to come with an Evans' Sister Reunion, so she sent Frank and Fletcher to the burger joint two blocks down. She asked Frank to get her the biggest burger they had. James looked like he'd much rather join the boys at the burger joint. Lily wasn't about to let him go. He had to see this side to her family before he decided he wanted to keep her around.

Petunia wasn't easy to love.

Petunia put her phone in her pocketbook when Lily placed her hands on her sister's shoulders to kiss her cheek, "hi, Pet."

Petunia waited for Lily to pull back before she spoke, "you look ill."

Lily's frown fluttered and behind her, James coughed into his sleeve, "nice to see you too Pet."

Petunia was unconcerned by Lily's exasperation, "you'll be washed out by the pink color and they'll have to take the dress in."

"I don't have to be a bridesmaid," Lily said again, "I told you that I didn't care."

Petunia gave a scathing laugh, "as if dad would ever let me kick you out of my wedding party."

Lily shifted on her heels, "he _is_ the one who forced you to add me."

"Sisterly love." Petunia looked Lily up and down, "please tell me you aren't still living off Ramen noodles as a primary food source?"

"Erm…"

"She is." James' voice spoke up behind Lily, delight in his tone.

"Thanks James." Lily shot James a hurried glare before addressing her sister, "pay no attention to my bodyguard Petunia, he's forgotten his contract which requires him to keep his opinions to _himself_."

Petunia's eyes traveled behind Lily's shoulder and her eyes grew skeptical. Lily didn't know how much Petunia kept up with Lily's personal life, but she knew Petunia knew exactly who James was. Petunia looked him up and down from the tips of his black shoes to the top of his curly hair. Her lips thinned as she grabbed Lily's wrist to drag her inside the store. Lily was flabbergasted her sister kept her mouth shut.

Normally, Petunia made her opinions well noted and expressed. James, on the other hand, was brave enough to tease Lily while he held the door for her. James pushed against Lily's shoulder.

Lily brushed his shoulder and she rolled her eyes when she heard James say softly into her passing ear, "fuck the contract."

Lily shot James the bird behind her back as she was pulled by Petunia to the front desk for check in. Lily heard James chuckling as he shut the door behind Fletcher. The woman at the front desk was starry eyed as she led Lily to the dressing room (which Fletcher had checked for cameras). Lily changed into a pastel pink and puffy cupcake dress that would be perfect for curvy girls. Lily was still underweight, even she knew that, and as such the dress was limp on her.

When Lily exited the room wearing the pastel dress Petunia even looked disenchanted by the form. Petunia put her face in her hands and groaned. The seamstress came out and clucked her tongue as she pinned the dress in spots where it was too bulky.

The seamstress complained as she took the dress in around Lily's thighs, "I knew girls like you don't eat, but I've got two inches on the seam already."

"She's fine." Petunia snapped irritably at the seamstress who looked less shocked than Lily about Petunia's protective tone, "can you bring it on or not?"

"The wedding is in four days," the seamstress fingered the dress carefully, "and the fabric is not easy to work with."

"It's ok," Lily said, "I'll just drop out of the bridal party."

"Yeah," Petunia barked at Lily next, "and then dad chews me out for _your_ decision? I don't think so."

"Petunia, dad won't care—"

"You're barmy if you think he won't care." Petunia cut Lily off, "I'll never hear the end of it if I leave his precious _Superstar_ out of my wedding."

Lily bit her tongue to keep back the words she wanted to say. Petunia's scathing words had stung like acid. James' eyes were fluttering back and forth between Lily and Petunia. Lily could tell James wasn't sure what to make of their pointed and rocky relationship. Lily caught James' expression and she knew he was startled by Petunia's behavior. Lily didn't really feel bad for him, she'd warned him a long time ago that her sister was a lot.

"What do you want me to do?" the seamstress asked Petunia, "we have a few dresses close in color to this one on the racks. They're in a sample size, which would fit her better than the size you gave me four weeks ago."

"Put her in one that matches closely then." Petunia waved her hand out, "I won't have my sister looking like a giant bursting boil and ruining my photos."

"Oh yes," Lily muttered cynically as she stripped down on her way back into the dressing room, "can't be ruining _Perfect Pet's_ wedding photographs."

"God Lily, you're so self centered."

"And you're being stupid." Lily unzipped her dress, "we both don't want me in your wedding, so just drop me."

Petunia glared at Lily, "I never said I didn't want you in my wedding."

"You implied." Lily said gruffly.

"Only because _you_ implied." Petunia shot back.

They were never good at communicating.

Lily's mum used to say that both of them arguing was like talking to a brick wall.

Lily tried on five dresses until Petunia settled on a putrid pink dress that fell to the floor and wrapped at the waist. It wasn't ugly like the first, but it certainly wasn't flattering either. Lily thought she looked like a short flamingo in the dress and momentarily wished Petunia had let one of Lily's friends design the dresses. Lily also couldn't blame her sister for wanting to have a perfectly average wedding.

Lily waited for the dress to be paid for. Lily was paying for part of Petunia's wedding, dresses included, as a gift to the bride and groom. That had been Lily's father's idea since Petunia was so hard to shop for. Lily checked her phone again while she waited for the cashier to finish with her credit card. James spotted Lily checking and asked a question without saying anything. Lily shook her head softly at James to answer.

They stared at each other, Lily perplexed and James sympathetic. Their solitude was interrupted by the arrival of Frank Longbottom, who was carrying lunch for Lily. Lily plucked her phone into her dress pocket and cheered when she saw the burgers in his hands. The cashier ringing up Lily's purchases laughed at her excitement. James did too.

Lily applauded, taking one of the burgers and unwrapping it, taking a giant bite before moaning, "_ughh fhis if fo good_."

The seamstress saw and muttered to herself in her strong Russian accent, "well if she eats like that...you think she might fit into dress better."

"She's fine, thanks." James retorted, seemingly having had enough about the comments on Lily's body for one afternoon, "finish ringing up the dress, so she can leave."

The seamstress looked fuming at James' moody quip. Lily sent James a small smile over her burger, even more in love with him with each passing moment. James nodded slightly at her, showing Lily that he knew exactly what she was thinking.

Frank unpredictably snickered as he passed the other burger to James. Lily would've expected Frank to ask James to tone it down, but Frank looked unsurprised by James' defensive attitude.

"Eat your burger, Potter."

"Cheers mate." James said, taking a bite of his own burger before turning his attention back to a rugby game on the common room TV, "Germany's winning."

"Thank god." Frank said, falling into the chair beside James, "I'd hate to go home and find Alice mourning over Germany if they lost."

Lily swallowed another piece of burger, "how is Alice?"

"Just getting over her morning sickness," Frank said, "she wants to come back to work."

"Does that mean Dung's getting reassigned?" James asked optimistically.

"Dung's staying put," Frank said, "Moody thinks he's doing a better job."

"If _this_ is a better job," James said, "I'd hate to know what his worst job was."

Frank chuckled and elbowed James, making James grin and elbow his mate back. Lily smiled watching James with Frank. While she'd seen James around Sirius a lot, James around Frank was almost an insight to the James before the bomb. Frank had known James when they were kids and that brought out a whole different, joking, side to him. Sometimes she saw his playful side when they were alone, but it was nice to see it with someone else that wasn't her.

"Where is Fletcher?" Lily asked, surprised he hadn't returned to the store with Frank after she sent them for burgers, "off for a drag?"

Frank shook his head no, "for once in his life, Fletcher actually had a great idea."

"What's that?" James asked doubtfully, "to take a shower?"

Frank snorted, "no, to lead the press on a wild goose chase."

"What?" Lily perked up, "What do you mean?"

Frank peeled the pickle from his burger and passed it to James insentiently, "I can't tell you what he's doing, only that it should work."

Lily fixed her brows together, "am I in trouble?"

"On the contrary, we think his plan will lead the press away from Cokesworth," Frank explained, "and therefore away from you."

"A decoy?" Lily guessed.

Frank pulled James aside and whispered something into his ear. James' eyebrows flew into his hairline. Lily, hating being left out of the fun, chewed her burger loudly. Both boys ignored her glaring gaze. Petunia was talking to the seamstress still, oblivious to anything that didn't concern her wedding.

When Frank pulled away, James shook his head, "damn, I didn't think Fletcher was that smart."

"He has a few bright ideas every once in a blue moon."

"We'll see if it even works." James sounded doubtful, "we'd have to go to Antarctica at this point."

"Give Fletcher some credit."

"Maybe if he'd give me some." James muttered, eyes glancing over at Lily gloomily.

Lily gave James a half a smile, knowing he was thinking about Fletcher interrupting them at the cabin. Lily's shoulders lowered and she was fraught with the realization that it had been twenty-four hours since she'd last kissed James. That was twenty-four hours too long. James noticed her eyes traveling and a steady flush rose up his neck. Luckily, Frank missed James' emotional turn, his eyes on the television as Germany scored again.

Lily turned away from the men to find Petunia looking at her peculiarly. Whatever she was thinking, she didn't say anything else to Lily when the pair separated to their respective cars. Lily promised her sister that she'd see her at the wedding. Lily didn't want to go to the rehearsal dinner since it was at a public restaurant and she didn't want to take away from Petunia's big night. At least the wedding was held at a private garden, which meant it was a place the paparazzi couldn't find them.

Once back at the small Cokesworth house, Lily sat in her kitchen while her Granda cooked sausages on the stove. James, Frank and her father talked about the rugby game from that afternoon. Most of the paparazzi had cleared out but Rita Skeeter stayed parked in front of the house, as bold as ever. Lily tried not to worry about Skeeter or anyone else.

She was actually laughing quite loudly when Frank and James started arm wrestling on the kitchen table. The curtains were closed, and she had a small sense of privacy. James and Frank had snuck Lily into the house through a window in the back, meaning no one actually knew where she was. Fletchers plan, whatever it had been, seemed to be working.

Lily was trying to relax, despite the feeling of impending doom from her anxiety. She sat on the edge of the table, cheering unashamedly for James. Frank was protesting her clear favoritism.

"I've known you for longer!" Frank barked at her, "I should be your favorite!"

"Your wife is my favorite!" Lily shouted back over James' own boisterous laughter.

"She's my favorite too!" Frank's normally dull eyes were bright with color when he spoke about Alice, "but James…he's a toss-up!"

"Hey!"

The boys were acting like teenagers. They were all eating sausages with their hands. Lily had one arm thrown around James' shoulders as she cheered him on during the next round of arm wrestling. James shot her a gleeful grin as the atmosphere in the house only grew warmer and more comfortable. Lily's dad opened a bottle of champagne and the radio was playing smooth jazz. Lily was pulling out ice cream from the freezer when Alice walked into the house fresh-faced and rosy.

"I heard someone was letting my husband have fun without me!" Alice announced her presence with a loud and booming voice.

Lily called out animatedly and dropped the package of vanilla ice cream like it was a hot potato. Alice was wearing her uniform, a gun strapped to her hip. She was so early on in her pregnancy that she had no bump, just a smile filled with emotions and love. Despite being a bit prissy when it came to her job and professionalism, Alice was kind and earnest when Lily hugged her tightly.

"Alice, you're back!"

Alice actually relaxed in Lily's arms, "you're suffocating me _and_ the baby, Evans!"

"I've missed you!" Lily loosened her hold only a bit, "You left me to fend for myself with the boys!"

Alice pulled back from Lily, "don't go getting dramatic, Evans, we all know you like James the best."

Lily flushed, trying to protest, but only to be ignored by Alice as she swept into her husband's arms. Frank kissed his wife on the lips when she settled next to him at the table. Lily watched them show affection and her heart lurched, wishing she could be as casual with James. When she looked up, she spotted James looking at her with a similar dejected expression.

Lily played a game of cards with her family and friends, taking her mind of the Marauders Records drama when she could. James and her grandfather were working together to try and force Lily to lose her game. James kicked Lily under the table when she cursed his future children and she shot him a daring look over her cards.

It was after midnight when Alice relieved James from his duties, but James didn't leave. Instead, he settled into a conversation over tea with Lily's father. They were acting like old mates and when Lily's Granda joined them with a bottle of scotch, James let her Granda pour him a glass. He fit in so well with her family and she just wanted them all to know how much she wanted that night…to be every night…for the rest of her life.

Granda, who never once went out of his way to invite people fishing with him, adored James and invited James to go fishing with him the next time that James got a day off. Lily sat back, floored at her granda's offer. Frank, who still hadn't left, overheard Lily's granda. Frank then dictated that James take the next day off. In fact, he insisted it when James tried to protest. James was unable to argue or win with Frank, despite the panic on Lily's face. She realized Frank was still trying to keep James from Lily, even if he wouldn't say it outright.

"He really doesn't trust us together." Lily muttered to James about Frank in the hallway that night before he went off to his hotel room, "did he spot us, do you think?"

"No," James had his jacket on, and the edges of the coat almost touched his ears, "he would've dragged me to Hell and back again."

Lily leaned against the hallway, looking up into James' eyes tenderly, "I don't know how much longer I can keep this charade that we're just professionals and friends."

"I feel the same way, Red." The back of James' hand came to rest on her cheek, "the last day has been torture."

She leaned into his touch, "I love you."

"I love you more." He said, "and everything's going to be okay."

He gave her a brief kiss on her forehead before making his way back downstairs. Lily stayed in her spot, holding herself, as she listened to James say his goodbyes. She heard Frank walk him out. Lily changed into joggers and a sweater before meandering around the house. She already knew it was pointless to try and sleep without James. He wasn't sleeping either, he kept texting her little notes all night.

Lily sat in the sitting room alone for a while, until her father found her nursing an almost cold up of tea. He paused in the light of the hallway, seemingly startled at finding Lily sitting alone in the dark.

"Why are you awake at this hour?" Lily asked her dad when he turned on the sitting room light.

"it's almost five, Lil." He sat down next to her and she leaned into his warmth, "did you ever even go to sleep?"

Lily hugged her cup closer, "I don't sleep much…right now."

"Granda, James and I are going fishing." He said, "would you like to come?"

Lily shook her head at her father, "You know I don't fish."

Her dad smiled, "I know, but lately…"

He trailed off, lost in his own thoughts. Lily waited for him to continue but he didn't. Lily pushed at his buttons, sending her dad a messy stare over her mug of tea.

"Lately?"

Her dad flinched at her prompt, "Lately, you seem to gravitate to wherever James Potter is."

She almost dropped her mug, "what?"

"Petunia called, after your dress fitting. Apparently, you couldn't take your eyes off him."

Lily muttered a lot of words, into a great mess, at her father. He looked over his glasses at her perceptively. Lily wished he hadn't turned on the lights because he saw right through her red flush. She wished James were there, but he was a town away inside an old hotel room, not sleeping, just like her.

Lily's father touched her nose, "am I wrong to assume?"

Lily looked around, nervous, "are Frank and Alice down here?"

Her dad pulled a face, "they were working out of the computer room upstairs."

Lily chewed her lip, waiting to hear one of them come down the stairs. When she heard nothing but Juniper purring in a chair nearby, Lily dropped her guard. Her dad was watching her, clearly alarmed.

"I don't want it to be secret." She whispered to her father, keeping her voice low, "it's just the way it has to be right now."

"Why?"

"Dad," Lily faltered, "if anyone found out how I care about James—it'd be over before it's even begun."

Her dad's eyes were expressive, "we both know it's already started, Superstar."

Lily put down her mug rather viciously, "we're both still trying to figure out how it's going to work so just—don't say anything to him."

"What are you so scared of?"

Lily's jaw set as she thought of James' smile, "I don't want to lose him."

"Oh, baby girl."

Lily pulled out of her dads grasp, shaking her head, "I don't know what I'm doing anymore, Dad."

His lips were thin as he forced her back into his grasp, "that's the secret of life, Superstar, no one knows what they're doing."

Lily sat in her father's arms, watching for the first flicker of daylight to emerge from the curtains. James was back quarter after five with bagels and cream cheese for everyone. He looked closely at Lily while she ate her bagel but the space between them stayed professional. When James left with her family, she found herself picking up the guitar and writing a new song.

She was halfway through the bridge when Frank appeared, wearing a pair of black sunglasses inside. Lily let her fingers fall from the strings. Frank looked around the room weirdly, like he was expecting someone to be with her.

"Something wrong Frank?" Lily asked her bodyguard politely.

"I thought you were talking to someone." Frank said, "sorry for interrupting your writing."

Lily waved his concern away, "I'm just fiddling with ideas."

Frank nodded before leaning against the doorway, "I'm on my way to brief security at your sister's wedding venue, want to join me?"

"I'm fine alone," she promised, actually meaning it for once, "just lock the door when you leave."

"Of course, Evans."

Lily waited for the front door to close and lock behind Frank before she continued writing her new song. She fingers the chords delicately, imagining James' cheeky smile as she let lyrics fall from her lips.

_You've got one hand on my heart, the other on my thigh. _

_Baby, I need you and that's not a lie. _

_I'll fall right in, I'm yours to trace. _

_You'll start by memorizing my face. _

_Your fingerprints taunt me _

_My cheeks are red._

_In my dreams I'm singing your name as we fall into bed. _

_I'm softly tracing every flawed curve and I can't believe Cupid had the nerve. _

_I'm struck by his arrow, straight through the heart. _

_I go wild when you touch me like I'm fine art. _

_Our hands intertwine as you start the dance. _

_Darling I'm coming undone; I'm lost in a trance._

Granda Evans came back from the fishing trip singing praises for James' skill at fly fishing. Lily looked up from her guitar when the boys walked in together. Once again, Lily was struck by how perfect James looked amongst her family. Plus, it was clear fishing had gone so well, that her Granda was about to marry James himself.

James looked windswept and handsome in his borrowed fishing weights. They had five fish to fry up in beer batter and James was already looking up more recipes on his phone. Lily reckoned she wanted it to always be so simple, her James and her family, together. She could no longer see a part of her world where James did not exist perfectly.

When James looked up to find Lily watching him, James snuck a wink in her direction. Lily saw the worry on her dad's face when he saw James wink at Lily. She wondered if she should explain the situation more to her father but the fear of someone overhearing her pull him aside was too great. All it would take was for Alice, Frank or Fletcher to hear the truth come from her own lips and then James would be fired or worse, reassigned.

All Lily knew, was that she didn't want to live without James.

"Harold," James said rowdily as he fried a fish in a pan, "you caught the biggest fish I've ever seen!"

"Had to keep up with your first catch, didn't I?" Granda Evans was beaming at James' praises despite his rough tone, "yer a regular old Scotsman, Potter!"

"I grew up in the moors," James explained, "until I was in school, that is. Mum and dad wanted me to get quality education, you see."

Lily put her hand on her chin, and she watched James affectionately as he flipped the fish in the pan with a single wrist flick, "if only you'd kept the accent."

James beamed her way, happy she was including herself, and started switching his voice over to a sharp Scottish tone. They all laughed at James' impression of Lily's Granda. James always had a way of making everyone feel extraordinary, like they were his only concern. He did it with Lily and now he was making her Granda look ages younger as they fried up some fish for everyone.

Lily sat at the kitchen table, working on her laptop, still waiting for Peter to call. Lily's dad went to the store to pick up some fresh asparagus to pair with dinner. James fell into the chair beside her while they had half a second.

"How was fishing?" she asked when her Granda started singing along to the jazz on the radio again.

"Hilarious."

"Why?"

"Let's just say I know where you get your stubbornness from." James pinched her leg under the table, "and your wit."

"Are you saying I'm witty _and_ stubborn?"

"Tragically so," he winked.

She almost kissed him in front of her Granda. They heard the front door beep, alerting James and Lily to a person entering the house. James leaned away from Lily and pretended to clean his glasses. Lily crossed her leg and messed with the mouse, so it looked like she was busy on her laptop. Mundungus Fletcher walked into the house carrying a beer in one hand and a burger in the other.

"Potter?" Fletcher blinked guardedly at James, "did you take over for Frank?"

"No, I technically took the day off," James stood up, "just got back from fishing with Lily's family."

Fletcher looked between Lily and James before he frowned, "where's Frank?"

James scratched his head, "that's actually a really good question, I haven't seen him since I got back."

For once, Lily had the answers, "He went ahead to the wedding venue."

"Why?" James asked, "is something wrong?"

"He just wanted to make sure that security there had been briefed," Lily clicked on an e-mail and saw it was from Mary, sending dress updates for the _Piper_ premiere, "he ought to be back soon."

No sooner had she said something, Frank Longbottom walked through the front door with Stephan Evans, both of them talking in short, polite quips far different from the booming laughter that Granda had been exhibiting with James. James saluted Frank when he walked through the door and beamed at Lily's father like it had been ages. James busied himself as a cook while Frank briefed Lily about the venue.

"It's large enough that you'll be hard to get photographs of, but small enough that I don't think we'll need extra bodies," Frank showed Lily and James pictures on his phone, "security there already has the list of potential stalkers, as well as the names of every guest allowed to enter the party. Lucky for us, your sister was very particular about who was getting through those gates."

Lily nodded wearily, already dreading the big day. Sure, Petunia was only having a small wedding, but nothing was stopping her wedding guests from selling pictures to the press. There was nothing stopping anyone from once again leaking the private portions of her life for everyone to see. Lily was about to ask Frank about James being her main guard at the wedding when her phone rang out, loud and clear.

The name listed on her screen, made Lily squeal a sigh of relief.

"It's Peter!" the relief in her voice was evident when she answered the phone, "hello?"

"Lily!" Peter's voice was warm, welcoming and affectionate, "sorry I missed your calls! I lost my phone on my cruise! You should've e-mailed me!"

Lily twirled her hair with one finger, "Peter, what's this about Marauders Records downsizing?"

"Lily," Peter soothed her instantly, as if sensing her fear, "there's nothing for you to be worried about—"

"But Samantha—"

"Was only an intern." Peter reminded her, "I'm giving them all an extra month pay and excellent recommendations. Don't worry about them."

"But she was so excited to be interning for you." Lily said, "why'd you tell her you were downsizing?"

The room around Lily was quiet, everyone knowing exactly who she was talking too. The feel in the room was receptive, surprisingly. Lily knew James wanted answers and there was no doubt her father had been worried too. They both waited with bated breath for her to finish.

"Lily, sometimes in business we have to make hard choices." Peter said calmly, "I didn't have any more work for my interns, so I had to let them go, instead of waste their time."

Lily frowned, "I really liked Samantha, Peter, can't we at least keep her? I know she worked hard."

"No Lily." Peter said firmly, "just let me run the business side, okay? I promise everything will work out for Samantha, she's a clever girl."

"More than clever."

"Yes well," Peter sounded like he'd spotted something more interesting on the other end of his phone, "I'm also afraid I have to tell you that I won't be making it to your sister's wedding. I sent her a lovely bouquet to say sorry."

Lily slumped against her chair, "you're missing Pet's wedding?"

"I have a very important meeting," Peter said, "it cannot be overlooked, I'm sorry."

Lily knew she shouldn't have been upset with Peter. After all, he was a successful manager for Marauders Records, and he had plenty of other clients. It made sense he was busy. That didn't make his rejection to an Evans family event hurt any less. Since starting out, Peter had always been there for birthdays, funerals and important awards. Lily had come to expect him at family events, including her sister's wedding.

"We'll miss you," she managed to say, keeping her voice level.

"We can all get together in January, for your birthday." Peter promised, "maybe we can all go to Lake Placid."

"Ok." But her voice felt very small, "bye, Peter."

"Bye Lil." Peter said chirpily, "hope you're ready for _Piper_ press!"

Lily hung up her phone and found that all eyes in the kitchen had fallen on her, "that was Peter."

"Yeah," James said, "we got that, Red."

"What did he say?" Lily's father asked, "about the downsizing?"

"It was only an excuse." Lily said sourly, "he says the business is fine."

"That company lives off you, Superstar." Lily's father reminded her, "Peter would be jumping off the deep end if he didn't include you in something as big as a downsizing."

"What about the interns?" James asked, looking irate, "they're out of a job now."

"He said he's paying them and giving them benefits for the next month." Lily reiterated what Peter told her, "he told me not to worry."

"Then we shouldn't worry," her father could see the tears rimming her eyes, "right?"

"Right."

But even Lily couldn't totally convince herself that it would be okay.

She settled into helping her family with wedding preparations the next few days. The paparazzi had finally caught on that Lily never left Cokesworth, so they were back to camping out on the front lawn. Lily took to wearing large hoodies inside to cover her face when she passed the window. James, Frank, Alice and Dung all worked tirelessly to give her some peace of mind. Still, by the time the wedding rolled around, they were all eager to get out of the cramped house.

The night before the wedding, James scheduled dinner with Minerva McGonagall. Lily purchased a hotel room near the restaurant, so that she wouldn't have to travel far. The paparazzi hadn't caught on that she'd left the old Cokesworth house, so Frank and Alice were tasked to protect the house while Dung and James were tasked with protecting Lily. The hotel was welcoming, giving Lily the best room with views of the city and placing Dung and James in the room next to hers. It was almost relaxing as she settled into a bath before dinner, her feet hanging from the tub as she checked up on her fans on Instagram.

Not much was happening in the Evans fandom, everyone was so focused on her sister's wedding. Lily's fans wanted to know what she was wearing, if her hair would be up or down and (most importantly) if James would be there. Once again, her feed was inundated by fans making edits using pictures of Lily and James together from the last six months. They all loved him so much and they didn't even know him. Still, their welcoming aura was important to Lily.

Lily changed three different times, wondering if James had been as nervous as she was when he first met her family. Her stomach was in knots as she curled her hair and painted her lips with a bright red stain. Minerva was James' closest thing to family left and she really, really wanted the older lady to like her. Minerva had been acting as Lily's therapist for a few months now and Lily was worried the woman wouldn't think Lily was good enough for James.

Lily changed into a black dress last second, panicking that she wasn't formal enough. She checked her reflection three times. She powdered her nose twice on her way out the door. James and Dung were waiting for her in the hallway, both of them dressed in black suits. Lily caught of glimpse of their reflections on their way down the elevator and thought they looked like something out of a movie. The boys flanked her protectively, both of them resting their hands on their tasers as the elevator lift opened up.

No one knew Lily was downtown yet and that was a saving grace as they made their way out of the hotel and onto the rainy streets. The restaurant was quaint, and Lily walked there in her black heels, her eyes tracing the bodies for a kind older woman. When she made it to the outdoor patio a woman waved from a small table by the bar. The woman was tall and wore her greying brown hair in a twist at her neck. She almost looked like a lawyer in her suit jacket but the wrinkles around her eyes displayed a sort of warmness no lawyer could ever imitate.

"Minerva!" James called cheerfully from behind Lily.

Lily's stomach was in knots again as she stepped hesitantly towards the tall woman with wrinkled eyes. James pushed eagerly past Lily to hug Minerva tightly. Minerva laughed in his arms, her arms looking like twigs around his body as she hugged him back. Lily chewed her lip as she watched Minerva look James up and down eagerly, punching his arm playfully as they reconnected. When Minerva let go of James to finally lay her eyes on Lily, it was like the world had stopped spinning.

Never before, had Lily sought approval so much. Lily stepped forward carefully, her green eyes taking in Minerva's stern mouth and sparkling aura. James looked back and forth between Lily and his mentor like a puppy, excitement radiating from his every pore. Lily stuck her hand out to Minerva McGonagall.

"I'm Lily," she said, "it's a pleasure to finally meet you."

"Oh, come here!"

Minerva, for all her looks, pulled Lily into a strong grip. Lily felt herself relax in Minerva's arms. James looked like Christmas had come early as his favorite women in the world came together. Dung just looked bored as they settled around the table Minerva had picked out. He ordered a beer while James, Lily and Minerva caught up like old friends.

She was so caught up in the warm aura of Minerva, who knew everything, that it was especially hard not to each over and brush James' curl from his eyes as he talked about fishing with her Granda. Lily noticed more than once that James' hands inched towards hers and it was awful to be so close to him, yet so far away.

Minerva bought them all dinner, looking so content as the night continued. The lights around the bar had them dashed in a dazzling haze that sent flutters to Lily's toes as she told Minerva about Carmen in New York. James was laughing loudly over his cider as he argued rugby polls with Minerva while they all ate. Dung stayed surprisingly unobtrusive, seeming to understand that Minerva was a friend both to James and Lily.

At the end of the night, Minerva hugged Lily twice outside of her hotel room. The last time Minerva hugged Lily; she drew her lips to Lily's ear.

"I've never seen James so happy," Minerva sat back and brushed Lily's hair from her eyes, "you two are perfect for each other."

"Thank you." Lily beamed, tears threatening to spill onto her cheeks as Minerva planted a quick kiss to Lily's cheek, "that means everything to me."

"When you get back to England," Minerva said, "I'd love to have you both at my place for tea, as my friends, of course."

"That sounds lovely." And Lily really meant every word.

Dung took Lily inside; James was going to spend his night off with his only family. Lily watched him walk down the street, Minerva on his arm like she was his flesh and blood. Lily wished she could go with them, to feel a part of their family, but she had to keep on pretending that James wasn't hers to keep close at night.

As Lily drifted off to sleep that night, her phone dinged, and she picked it up expecting Sirius, to find it was a text from James.

**James Potter:** _I can't wait to spend absolutely all day with you tomorrow_

Lily curled her toes and she wrote back: _What about poor Dung? He's going to start think you're playing favorites._

**James Potter:** _I am playing favorites. You're my favorite. My favorite everything._

Lily wished he were right next door so she could pull him into her arms and kiss him: _did you have a nice evening with Minerva?_

**James Potter:** _she's currently snoring on the sofa beside me_

Lily imagined the old woman snoring in a knit cap and smiled: _I love her even more than I thought I would_

**James Potter:** _she thinks very highly of you, Red_

Lily typed back quickly: _And she loves you, James._

**James Potter:** _She'll never be able to replace my parents but…she's as much a mentor as she is a mother to me…I just want to make her proud._

Lily remembered how adamant he was about making his family proud: _you've already made her proud, babe._

**James Potter:** _I love you._

He sent her thirteen red emoji hearts and she laughed as she sent him thirteen bitmoji's of her just throwing hearts at his bitmoji. Their game continued until Lily fell asleep, her phone still clasped in her hand and the screen illuminating her face like a spotlight. When Lily woke up the next morning, she found that the last text James sent her were actually lyrics from one of her own songs.

**James Potter:** _you sing me to sleep every night from the radio, so dim that spotlight, tell me things like I can't take my eyes off of you…I'm just desperately in love with you…_

She was happy, blissfully happy, again. James wasn't even in the same room as her, but he still made her heart pound and cheeks turn red. He had a magical way of making her feel like she was both unique and yet one hundred percent normal. James had brought a balance to her life that she didn't even know she'd needed.

Lily texted him as she sluggishly woke up: _morning's here again, and I can't help but wish I could see your face_ _xoxo_

**James Potter:** _all you want is on the other side of the door…_

And he was right, because when she flung open the hotel room door, he was standing there with a box from a bakery, a dozen red roses and two travel mugs. He wore the goofiest grin and she felt herself grinning too. They were young, they were in love and they were going to make it together. She just knew that at this point, not even a contract could stop James from being hers.


	17. Treacherous

Lily chewed thoughtfully on her chocolate croissant as she watched TV that morning. Her legs were carelessly kicked up over the side of one of the chairs in her hotel room. The dress for the wedding was draped across the opposite chair, it's pink color affronting Lily's eyes without even trying. James had left almost immediately after he arrived. He'd gone ahead to the wedding venue with Alice for security measures. Frank and Dung had stayed back at the hotel with Lily and were standing in the hallway outside of her room, waiting for her to leave.

She was expected at the gardens at half past ten to start getting ready with the bridal party. Lily kept herself at a sluggish pace most of the morning, if only so that the morning would drag on. However, like clockwork, soon Lily had to stop beating around the bush. She threw on a pair of sweats and her blue baseball cap, ate the last of her breakfast and then draped her bridesmaid dress across her arm.

When she opened the door to her hotel room, Frank and Dung turned to face her immediately. Lily was used to seeing them with earpieces and in shirts from Moody & Associates Security, but she was surprised to find they were in normal clothes that morning. Frank wore khakis and a nice button-down shirt, his hair gelled back. Mundungus matched Frank's wardrobe but he also wore an old blazer that looked as if it had seen better days. Lily wondered if they were planning to blend into the background of the wedding. She appreciated the gesture, if that's what it was, because she was already anxious of upstaging Petunia on her wedding day.

"Ready to go?" Frank asked Lily gently, looking her up and down, "Alice sent word and there are about fifty or so people waiting outside the gates of the gardens but only five of them are paparazzi, the rest are fans."

"It wouldn't be a wedding without fanfare I guess." Lily responded, hitching her dress into the crook of her elbow, "is my car here?"

"Yeah," Frank offered out an arm to take the bag in Lily's left hand, "it's waiting at the lobby."

Thankful for his help, Lily passed her bag over to Frank. Her phone vibrated in her pocket as she got into the car with tinted windows. She pulled it out to see it was Petunia, asking if Lily was on her way. Lily texted Petunia back that she was coming before opening her tumblr application. It was quiet, since it was morning, but some of her fans were chatting back and forth about the wedding that night. Lily saw photographs of the venue and Frank was right, it was already packed with fans and admirers trying to get a glimpse of Lily.

Petunia wouldn't be thrilled about that.

Lily liked a post from jbrun and reblogged a post from down-in-flames. She scrolled through the jily tag for a bit, smiling at all the new edits. Constancezin had drawn a beautiful photo of Lily performing in upstate New York that she reblogged and added lots of squealing hashtags too. Mostly, she just relaxed in the knowledge that one day, _jily, _would be more than a hopeful hashtag on the tumblr app.

It was a whirlwind once Lily got to the venue. The gardens were private, boarded by hedges and mazes. It really was a private place, Petunia's best pick when concerning her sister. Still, Lily had to get inside the gates before she was clear of paparazzi. When her door was flung open by Alice, Lily found herself being shuffled through the hands of many security employees. James was waiting for Lily at the gates, already helping the other security staff to keep the paparazzi at bay.

Lily only offered her fans on the side a little wave, "sorry, I'm running late for the bridal party!"

When Lily disappeared behind giant green hedges, the screaming lessoned but didn't dissipate. One of the employee's in a tween skirt led Lily to the place where the bridal party was getting ready. Lily stayed relatively calm as she was led through the grounds, which were covered in a slight dew from the dreary London weather. There were lots of greenhouses and gardens, but the focal point was a giant stone and glass cottage. Vines of different kind wrapped around the century old brick and light glowed golden on the inside.

Lily marveled at the architecture as she entered the main building, eyes wide. Inside, the air was warm, and employees of the gardens stopped what they were doing when Lily appeared. Lily waved gladly at them, feigning her ease.

Lily was bustled through a long hall filled with old armor until she was in a corridor lined with dangling plants. Lily could hear Petunia's boisterous laughter from inside the nearest door before she even entered. Lily chewed on her bottom lip nervously as she was led into the room filled to the brim with Petunia's friends.

Petunia was already getting her make up done so Lily waved at Petunia through the mirror her sister was using. Petunia's Maid of Honor, Marge, hardly registered Lily. The door was shut behind Lily and she felt the push of the breeze, forcing her to join the conversation of normal girls who weren't anything like her.

Petunia must've noticed Lily's apprehension because she snapped, "for heaven's sake, Lily, get changed."

"Right."

Lily nodded, eager for something to do. One girl, a friend of Petunia's that Lily didn't recognize, jumped forward immediately as Lily started gathering up her dress folds. She was brown haired, blue eyed and had soft dimpled cheeks. Lily smiled kindly at the girl, hoping she found one person in the bridal party that Petunia hadn't turned against her.

"I'm Rachel," the girl held out a hand, "I'm a big fan, Lily."

"Hi Rachel." Lily started pulling off her sweats, "it's a pleasure, how do you know Pet?"

"We're coworkers at the firm!" Rachel shot her thumb back at Petunia, "we've been fetching coffee for our husbands before they even knew they were our husbands!"

Lily let out a laugh that didn't reach her eyes, "well, I'm happy Pet has someone so lovely to keep her company at her job."

Rachel beamed at the compliment before continuing, "I'm doing everyone's hair, would you like me to do yours? Or did you bring a glam team from Hollywood?"

"No glam team," Lily admitted with a sigh, "so if you're good at hair, I'll gladly take the help."

Lily pulled the dress over her legs and zipped it up the side. The color was still awful but, in the full-length mirror, Lily guessed she didn't look totally hideous. The worst part was the giant, puffy bow on her arse, which did nothing for her in the style department. The other girls, including Rachel, wore the cupcake dresses that Petunia had originally picked. Because she'd needed a sample size, Lily was now totally set apart from everyone again.

Luckily, Marge was Maid of Honor and also wore a long gown similar to Lily's. That only made Lily feel a little bit better, especially since Marge was pissed Lily didn't look like everyone else. Still, Petunia asked Marge to stay away from Lily and Marge did so, thankfully.

Lily looked over her sister tenderly while Rachel pined up Lily's red curls. The makeup artist had highlighted Petunia's best features, including her brown eyes. If Lily had to compare Petunia to anything as a bride, it would be a forest fairy. She had her hair straightened down her back and she wore a lacy gown the color of champagne. It was classy, high necked, and very expected from her practical sister.

"Hey Pet?" Lily grabbed her sister's wrist when Pet passed by close enough, "you look beautiful."

Petunia's face flickered tenderly for a half a second, "thank you."

Petunia gave Lily an awkward half-armed hug, but it was something. Lily was okay with something from her sister, more than nothing. Rachel finished Lily's hair, leaving strands of curl to lightly fall against Lily's bare shoulders. The make-up that Lily used was simple, mostly natural. Even Lily's lipstick was a light pink that wouldn't clash with the flamingo pink color of her bridesmaid dress. It wasn't Lily best look, but she didn't look totally invasive next to the other girls.

All while the girls got ready, a man and woman with fancy cameras were taking photos. The man was giving Petunia suggestions as he moved around, and the woman appeared to be recording the special moments. Lily tried her hardest to stay out of the frames, scared of the photos being sold. Petunia didn't bother asking Lily to join in on pictures with the rest of the party.

Finally, it was time for the wedding to begin. Lily held her small bouquet of pink roses tightly as she walked alongside a groomsman who was sweating bullets. Lily's eyes found her Granda in the audience and kept her gaze on him, for sanity purposes. Lily stood between Marge and Rachel, purposely standing closer to Rachel. Petunia entered the viewpoint of everyone just as a pianist started playing _Here Comes the Bride_ and Lily saw the look of pride on her dad's face as he escorted Petunia down the aisle.

Under the glowing venue lights and with all the hanging plants, the entire ambiance was unreal. Petunia clasped hands with Vernon only five feet away from Lily. They stared at each other like they were in love more than anyone had ever been in love before. Multiple times during the ceremony, Lily looked for James in the crowd. Her eyes vulnerably searched for his strong and stoic form amongst all the strangers and friends. He wasn't in the hall, at least not where she could see him. Disappointed, Lily let her eyes fall to the floor and she waited for the ceremony to end.

All in all, the wedding was sweet and personal. Vernon and Petunia wrote their own vows. Vernon's ring was brought to Petunia on a drill bit, something very Vernon to do. Lily spotted her father and Granda crying in the pew as the camera man got every angle possible of the bridal party at the altar. By the time the wedding Petunia and Vernon were named husband and wife, there was nothing more Lily wanted than to be in Petunia's place.

Not married to Vernon, of course, but getting married to James. Lily wanted a sweet wedding with personal vows, and she wanted her father to cry as she was walked down the aisle. Lily wanted a pretty white dress and a husband to love her even on her hardest days. Lily wanted everything Petunia had, that day, and forever.

Being a part of the bridal party meant Lily was forced to get photographs outside in a misty garden with Petunia and Vernon's friends and family. Lily smiled politely for the cameras but stayed in the back of all the photos. She got distracted a lot, looking for James' familiar hazel eyes amongst the bodies moving around the garden paths. She tried her best to look content as she took a photograph with Petunia and their dad.

Stephan Evans hugged both of them so tightly, kissing each of them once on their foreheads.

"My girls," he boasted proudly, "My best girls."

"Love you dad," Petunia said, placing her hand on his heart and kissing his cheek.

Lily met her sisters gaze and felt the shock through her heart when Petunia smiled at her again. Lily took one photo with her sister and they hugged, Lily awkwardly kissing Petunia's cheek before drawing away quickly. Petunia dropped Lily's hand the moment Vernon reappeared with his family for photographs. Lily took that opportunity to join the rest of the guests inside the warm banquet hall.

Lily meandered among tables lined with food, picking up random pastries as she danced between bodies. She still hadn't seen any of her security team, but she supposed that's how they wanted it. No one wanted to draw attention to the pop star in the room. Lily was okay with that, finding peace in being alone. The only problem, as that she wanted one other person at her side.

"Is any of that for me?"

Lily spun on her heel, her face lighting up at the sound of his voice. James was standing behind her in khaki's and a blue button down that brought out his hazel eyes. She had to resist every urge to leap into his arms, so she just picked up one of her donut holes and held it out to him cheekily. James smirked and took her offering, popping into his mouth and chewing it as if he were trying to figure out what it was made of. Lily picked up another pastry and hummed happily as she munched on the sweet flavors.

"I'll have to get the recipe to those," he said casually as she licked cinnamon and sugar from her fingers, "I haven't seen you eat anything so eagerly since ramen noodles."

"Har, har." She said before picking up a champagne glass, "dinner isn't for another two hours and I'm famished."

James leaned towards her, "what drama did I miss while playing escort to paparazzi sneaking into the hall?"

"Escort to paparazzi?" she countered with a roll of her eyes, "was it Rita Skeeter?"

"Absolutely, one hundred percent was Skeeter." James said, "How'd you guess?"

Lily plucked a raisin off the hot cross bun, "she loves to invite herself into people's lives, ruining them before they've even started."

"You should've heard the mouth on that woman as I walked her out." James said boisterously, "but, then again, better not."

Lily shook her head at James, "enjoying the night, though?"

"Would be better if I got to spend more time with you." He conceded, "but it's been rather eventful, at least."

"Bit boring on the party side," Lily said, "care to help spruce the night up?"

"How?"

"Run away with me, Romeo?"

"Baby, I'd love too."

James eyes flickered noticeably even in the dim lighting; he was clearly remembering the last time she asked him to run away with her. She was remembering too, and the events that transpired after. She watched the light leave his eyes when a plate dropped nearby and they both remembered they weren't alone.

Dung came over, carrying a beer he'd nicked from the open bar, "you two as bored as I am?"

"On the contrary Dung," James said, stuffing his hands into his pockets, "I'm not bored because I'm doing my _job_."

"We ain't got to worry here." Dung waved James' comment away, "The gardens have their security lined up at every entrance after that one Skeeter woman snuck through the gates."

"In that case," Lily put down the plate of food she'd assembled, "let's take a walk in the gardens."

James tucked a hand into his pocket, "you want to go back outside?" he asked, "you're safer in here from cameras."

"I'm suffocating in here." Lily argued forcibly, "people keep staring at me."

"People _always_ stare at you, Evans." Dung said, "if ya hadn't noticed."

"Come on," Lily egged both her bodyguards on, "if you both come, no one will bother me."

Dung, as per usual, waved them away, "you two go ahead, I'll stay near the spirits."

Lily beamed, jumping at the chance to spend quality alone time with James. She waved at Dung before motioning at James to follow her out of the main reception hall. James sighed deeply but followed, saluting Dung on his way after her. Lily led the way through the flickering hallways of the old stone citadel. Outside stained glass windows, Lily spotted Petunia and Vernon still taking photographs in the rose garden.

James and Lily walked out onto a stone path that carved through the gardens and around various glass domes. The greenhouses were all different. Lily explored each eagerly, loving to have something to do with James. Even James relaxed, pointing out some of the plants he knew. Occasionally, their fingers brushed each other as he opened glass doors for her. The tension between them only grew as they explored the outskirts of the gardens.

Lily danced just beyond his reach, laughing as the chilly November air cut through her bones. They walked along the hedge mazes made of twirling yellow roses. James walked just behind her, careful to remain professional as they strayed far away from wandering eyes and cell phones. Lily pushed through the door of a greenhouse, spotting a rope swing adorned to the branches of a cherry blossom tree. The humid air made her hair stick to her forehead. James followed her inside, shutting the glass door behind him. She skipped over to the swing, kicking off her heels as she went.

James followed her, hazel eyes iridescent, "you're adorable."

Lily sat on the swing and pushed her toes gently into the hard ground. Sun shone through the canopy of trees around them and a trickling brook moved through the glass house. James glowed brilliantly under the natural lighting and Lily felt her heart jump to her throat at the sight. He looked so handsome that she didn't kick the swing off, hoping to entice him closer. She was rewarded when he stood over her, his hands wrapping around the rope holding the swing in place.

"Hi," he whispered, his eyes changing from hazel to molten gold in a second, "have I told you how beautiful you look today, Red?"

She dug her toes into the ground more, "feel free to tell me right now?"

"You look lovely today, love."

She hummed, swinging softly away from him. James tugged her forward against with the tiniest of shoves, as if challenging her to try and escape his gaze. She'd never try to run from his gaze, not when it was full of so much idolization.

"I was so happy when you surprised me this morning." She told him, "wish you could've stayed longer."

James tilted his head at her, "I am disappointed I didn't get a kiss for those chocolate croissants."

"You can have one to make up for it now."

He gave her a saucy smile, "you are trouble tonight, Red."

"I'm trouble _every_ night."

James laughed knowingly, "that's the truth."

Lily kicked out playfully at his good leg, "And tomorrow we go back to New York."

"And?"

"And it's much easier to snog you senseless when I'm not in and out of my childhood bedroom or a hotel suite."

"Touché." He agreed, "although, I never got to snog you in your childhood bedroom so, that's kind of a major regret."

"Don't you _want_ my dad to like you?"

"I bet I could snog you in front of him and he'd cry of happiness."

"You're probably right."

Lily chewed on her bottom lip, trying to contain her glee at how spirited he was being. James kept the swing still, his eyes tracing her every curve and facet like it was brand new. She took a deep breath, contentedly letting it out, knowing she was in love.

"Your father already asked me if I was planning on staying your bodyguard."

"What _did_ you tell him?" Lily wondered, recalling how her father had seen right through her and James' hush-hush.

"I told him that I would make my decision when the time came but for now," James' body leaned down into hers so that their noses almost touched, "I'm looking at all my options."

"He's going to be thrilled when we finally break the news." Lily leaned her head closer to him with a smile, "he really likes you, my Granda loves you too."

James twisted her hair around his finger, "I've been thinking about how we want to tell people."

"Tell people?"

It was such a surprise to hear those words come from his mouth. James had been vehemently stubborn that he didn't want to tell anyone until his contract was up. James licked his lips and shifted on his feet. He had his jaw clenched, a sign of deep thought. Lily narrowed her eyes warily at him.

"What are you saying, James?"

"I've been thinking about it," he said, "and I think we should tell your family about us."

"James," she reached up to cover one of his hands with her own, "my dad already figured it out."

James pulled back slightly, "oh?"

"Yeah," she said, "him and my sister have some inkling about us."

He looked down at his feet before asking, "are you okay with them knowing?"

"Are _you_ okay with them knowing?" Lily countered, since he was the one who primarily wanted their relationship a secret because of the contract.

James looked like it was dilemma he'd been considering before that moment. His eyes searched her face and his fingers moved against her palm. Lily kicked off slightly against the ground, shaking him awake from his daze.

Lily placed a hand on his cheek, "What changed, James?"

His hazel eyes were striking, "a lot."

Lily smiled knowingly at him, "you were so adamant about staying independent."

"I _will_ be independent."

She tried not to get her hopes up, "James, this is something you're still working on and you want to be—you want—I can't give—I don't want you to regret picking me."

"Shhh," he put his finger to her bottom lip, "Lily, I wouldn't just up and quit having a job, or a life."

"You always say that your contract cannot be broken," she reminded him, "you said you'd get sent away from me."

"That's only if I stay working for Moody and Associates."

He tore away from the swing, stuffing his hands into his pockets. He paced back and forth in front of her. Lily watched him pace, her eyebrows fixated together. Something else was going on in his head, something he hadn't said out loud yet. He acted as if the conversation was similar to walking on quicksand. He acted as if he were about to start sinking the moment that he said whatever was plaguing him.

"James." Lily said firmly, making him look up from his marching, "what's going on?"

James' left hand withdrew from his pocket to shoot into his black curls. He looked almost pensive in a way. She really couldn't read his mind, so she waited for him to fill her in on his thoughts. James took one step back to her, leaning over her on the swing. Lily looked up at him, her eyes worried.

"Why do you look so conflicted?" she asked softly.

His face relaxed, "what if I told you that I was offered another job?"

Lily perked up and she stood up then into him. Her fingers wrapped into his shirt and she beamed wildly at him. James looked startled by her forward movements, but he let his fingers fall to her face.

"James that's amazing!" she said, "but where?"

"Annie offered me a job as a partner at her gym, when my contract is up."

Lily jumped up into her toes animatedly, "Annie offered you a job? James! Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

James chortled at her enthusiasm, "I haven't accepted it yet, I wanted to see what you thought first."

Lily's hands caressed his face, "I think it's a fantastic idea!"

"Really?" he seemed thrilled by her enthusiasm, "you think I'd be a good partner in a gym?"

"You could totally make a career out of it," Lily murmured as he traced patterns on her bare arm, "talking to people, motivating them! Look at how much you've helped me!"

"Maybe," he hummed, twirling a strand of her hair again, "but I'd miss this job."

"Would you?"

"I quite _like_ my job."

She smirked, "sounds like you have a hard choice to make, Mr. Potter."

"I _do_ get to spend a majority of my time with the most beautiful pop star in the world." He winked and he couldn't stop smiling, "so going to work with Annie means seeing her less."

"That _is_ a dilemma." Lily grabbed ahold of the swing rope, leaning into it as she flirted shamelessly with him, "but maybe the pop star could move back to London, buy a little flat in the countryside…"

Lily grinned and leaned up, kissing him sweetly as the green house lights twinkled through the trees around them. James' index finger tilted her chin up to change the angle of the kiss, sweetly purring against her lips. Lily lifted her hands off the ropes, her fingers twisting into the curls at the bottom of his neck. He pulled back, smiling a smile that could light up a whole town.

"I love you." She whispered, "so much and I'll support whatever choice you make."

James shook his head in disbelief at her, "how are you everything I never knew I needed?"

Lily quirked her head and winked at him. She swept her gown out from under her feet as she sat down on the swing again. James wrapped his hands on the ropes and shook her spiritedly, eliciting her laughter.

"I'll push you."

He came behind her and pushed lightly against her shoulders, making her swing forward in her little bench. It was like she was a kid on the playground again, her skirts flying around her ankles. James was laughing along with her as the swing ropes creaked against the wood of the old tree. Lily felt like she was living in another time, a fairytale type of place.

They spent an unreadable amount of time in their little greenhouse, only interrupted later by Dung, who'd been recruited to find Lily for more family photographs. When he stumbled in on James pushing Lily on the swing, he rolled his eyes and shouted for Lily. Lily dug her feet into the ground as James cackled and caught her waist to drag her to a stop. Dung flicked his cigarette on the ground and stomped it into the dirt with his foot.

"Princess." Dung reprimanded, "yer sister has been screaming her bloody head off for ya for the last fifteen minutes."

"Opps." Lily dismounted the swings with laughter still pealed in her throat.

James collected her heels and Lily stuffed them on her feet before they ran out of their little heavenly greenhouse. Dung led Lily to where her family was standing, waiting for her. Petunia was cross that Lily had disappeared, but Lily caught the smile on their dads face when he saw who Lily had emerged from the woodwork with.

The rest of the night was dancing with her Granda, watching Petunia cut her cake with Vernon and eating anything she could get her hands on. She had three slices of cake, the sugar rushing through her system with the champagne. It was no Hollywood party, but Lily hadn't felt so relaxed on a dance floor since before Manchester.

She only wished James could dance with her too. He was forced back into his role, but she caught him talking to her father at one point. Lily was ecstatic when her dad hugged James, like they were old friends. Everything was falling down like puzzle pieces into place and Lily couldn't fathom how anything could go wrong from that point on.

Back at the hotel room, after sparklers had sent Petunia and her new husband on their honeymoon, Lily sat on the edge of the sofa in the sitting room. She had a stack of tea options in front of her, a steaming pot ready to go. She poured earl grey into a cup and mixed it with milk and honey. She had her TV flipped on, but she wasn't really watching as she hummed lightly, stirring her tea with a spoon.

A suitcase sat in the corner of her hotel room. Juniper rested on top of it, breathing heavily as she slept. They were set for a plane early the next morning. Lily had to be back in New York for Piper press immediately. Peter had sent her an updated list of appearances in her email in the middle of the wedding. Lily had interviews, photoshoots and more prepared for her when she got back to the United States.

A part of her wished she could have one day more in England. Lily's dad had gotten stuffy when he dropped her off at her hotel room after the wedding. Lily knew he didn't want Lily to leave but he also knew that she couldn't stay out of Hollywood forever and keep her singing career. Lily still wanted a normal life, but she also wanted to sing and write songs. She had to figure out how to get the best of both worlds.

A knock at her door at midnight had Lily placing her tea down and looking to the peephole to find it was James. She opened up the door, confused. He was holding himself tall and professional.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Why?"

"I thought I should check on you before your flight." and he slipped inside her room, a clever look in his eyes.

"What—"

But then his lips were on her mouth and his hand was behind his back, locking her door ingeniously. She grinned devilishly against his mouth, her fingers automatically reaching up to grasp him closer. His back fell against the door and her brain was swimming with dopamine from his kisses. James' fingers were tracing the lines of the silk gown she wore, stopping just at her thighs.

"I missed you," James said against her mouth, "I'm so grateful to call you mine."

She melted at his words, so sweet, "I missed you too."

They stood wrapped up in each other's firm grasp. The only sounds she could hear came from the television, which was playing an old mystery drama show. Lily was so caught up in his touch and his breath that she could've cared less that she still hadn't taken her hair down or make up off. She stood under his adoration feeling like she could never do anything wrong, as long as it included him.

Their bodies shifted against the door as he pulled her slip over her head and cast it onto the ground. As his hands explored the planes of her bare skin, Lily got to work on his clothes. He was wearing entirely too many of them and she tugged roughly at each layer. Before she could work on his work khakis, James lifted Lily up by her hips. She hooted vivaciously as she wrapped her legs around his torso sloppily, the kisses only deepening.

Their charades moved them against each other, their bodies all friction. Lily felt as if the room were burning up around her. Her face was hot, her hands were shaking, and her mouth was puckered. James was faring no better, having to turn them so she was pressed against the door for support as they melted even more into each other.

"How'd you escape the wandering eyes of your coworkers?" she asked as his lips trailed sensually down her neck.

"Told 'em I was going to meet my grandmother for midnight mass."

Lily snorted at the stupidity of the justification, "and they believed you?"

"Nah." He chuckled, and the vibrations brought out goosebumps on her skin.

"Liar." She good-humoredly raked her fingers through his hair, "I'm in love with a liar."

"I'm certainly about to do some worshiping," he reasoned, "just not with my grandmother."

"Stop talking about grandmothers, please."

He laughed again as he caught her lips for a stinging kiss. Nobody could touch her like he could, light fingers and deep kisses that she would never take for granted. Her fingers worked on the buttons on his khakis, helping to ease the fabric lose until it was pooled at his waist. Clothing followed their bodies into Lily's hotel bed until she was sitting on the edge of the white mattress and he was towering over top of her.

It was late but she didn't want to go to sleep. It was the last thing she longed for, as James explored her body in a new way, his mouth taking over where hands had once roamed. When he finally kissed her mouth again, she was burning for him to touch her below the waist with his treacherous mouth. Or fingers. She wasn't too picky. She just needed him, as per usual. Then suddenly, without prompt from Lily, James' fingers were playing her like a violin. She gave a breathy sort of laugh, her hips moving on their own accord.

"Fuck," her eyes fluttered back, "that's—James—_fuck_."

He smirked overtop of her, leaning into his work, "articulate, for a Grammy winning songwriter."

"You should he—_hear_ the songs I'm—I'm gonna write about you." She challenged, pathetically.

"Is that a threat?" he sounded amused, "because it sounds like your threatening me with music."

Lily wiggled underneath his touch with her eyes clapping shut, "for a—a—_fucking hell_."

"I've spent the last week _dreaming_ of touching you like this." He conceded, "but feel free to keep trying to hold a conversation."

And it was easy, opening her eyes and finding him watching her squirm under his device. Her hands dug into the mattress as her hips lifted off the sheets in response to his tempting fate. Her demands were lost in shaky breathes and soon, he was back to kissing Lily on her mouth. It was so warm, so blistering, that she felt like she was laying under a furnace. Her hands gripped and ungripped everything around, from the sheets to hair. She was unable to stay still with James driving her crazy.

"James?"

He ripped his mouth from hers, looking at her worriedly. It was almost like James was afraid she was going to tell him to stop. That gave Lily all the courage she needed to tell him to keep going.

"I want you, right now." She said earnestly, "however you're most comfortable."

His forehead fell into hers, his eyes staring into her very soul. His fingers lifted from between her legs and for a moment, they were a breadth apart. She licked her lips, waiting for him to tell her what to do. She couldn't get him out of her head and she just wanted to throw him down onto the bed beside her. James' left hand came up to tuck against her cheek and she made sure to give him a reassuring smile.

"You're top." He breathed.

Excitement flooded through her bones at his words, "you're sure?"

He found her instant keenness appealing, kissing her chin considerately, "I've never been more sure about anything in my entire life."

The night sky outside the hotel windows was dark, but Lily felt like she was surrounded by stars as she fell into a pattern with James. She felt shivers from her head to her toes. The world shifted as their bodies moved tenderly against each other in the sheets. Her kind words were replaced by sighs and his firm touch became incoherent hands.

All they were was skin and bone, trained to get along.

She was so caught up in James, in loving him, that she lost track of time. All she wanted was to fall in so deep that she forgot about anything that wasn't James. He was beauty, passion and tenderness all at once. It was drowning her, and she didn't care in the slightest. And God, it was like fighting a losing battle to make it last, she was so acute to his body.

It was almost effortless, Lily spiraling into a beautiful mess in the darkness of the hotel room. It was freeing, letting her inhibitions go as they danced in the black room. After, she lay in James' arms, buried amongst his limbs and his kisses, feeling completely tranquil. He dragged his fingers through her hair as they breathed in and out under the covers.

"After the _Piper_ premier," he whispered, "I think we should tell everyone."

Lily sat up over him, her hair swinging like a curtain around them, "even your boss?"

"I'll take the job with Annie," James said, "I just know I don't want to hide anymore."

"I don't either." She agreed, "so after _Piper_, I'll tell Peter to do a press release and you can tell Moody you want to break your work contract."

She settled back into his arms and he said, "I still don't know what will happen when I tell Moody."

"You get fired?"

"Or he tries to reassign me." James whispered, "it's a contract for a year and I haven't even made it seven months."

"Don't accept a reassignment." Lily stated, obviously, "tell him you got a better job."

"Yeah." His fingers traced patterns on her hip, "hopefully it's that easy."

"If he even suggests you go guard some lame Princess in Sweden," Lily muttered jealously, "I'll march into his damn office myself and kill him."

James sniggered at her brash tone, "you're scary sometimes, Red."

"But you love me anyways."

"I love you always."

They didn't speak again, and it wasn't long until they both slipped into the best sleep of their lives.

The next morning, they separated unwillingly. James had to go pretend he hadn't just spent all night making Lily his in every way and form. Her fingers reached for him through the sheets. Her body ached in places from his strong grip. Her lips still tasted salty. Lily couldn't wait until they no longer had to get out of bed if they didn't want too.

Lily got into the shower and washed off the night's adventures, only keeping the memories for herself. The hot water scalded her skin, turning it bright red like a lobster. Once she was clean, she packed her suitcases, humming a soft song all the while.

She had a whole album to write.

An album for James Potter, the love of her life.

Lily danced around in the hotel bathrobe, singing into her hairbrush. Juniper protested when Lily turned her happy-go-lucky mood onto her. Lily picked up the fat cat and started dancing with her, singing one of her old songs loudly. Lily's toes trailed along the tile and her smile was so wide that her cheeks actually hurt. Juniper clawed out of Lily's arms, affronted by Lily's good mood.

It was eight in the morning when the pounding knock came to her door.

The sound startled Lily into dropping her make up brush, she hadn't been expecting anyone to get her until nine. She stood up from the vanity cautiously, tucking her red hair behind her ear and looking through the hole in the door. Outside the door was something she hadn't expected even more.

Lily's father was standing in the hallway, bold as brass, wearing an orange sweater. He pounded on the door again and called Lily's name. Lily yanked her door open at the same time that the door across the hall opened and James came out, confused. Lily met James' gaze before turning her attention to her father. She'd never seen Stephan Evans so distraught, at least not in a long time. Lily brushed her hair back with her fingers, apprehensive.

"Dad?"

"I'm sorry Superstar," his lip wobbled, "I'm so sorry."

"What—"

"Someone snitched on you two!"

Suddenly, out of the same door James had just exited, Frank entered the hallway. He had his phone on and opened, staring at it. Frank's face was red and blotchy with anger. Lily felt like she was standing on a stage where everyone around her knew what the play was about, and she was left in the dark. The hall seemed to close in on her as her anxiety grew.

"What?" she repeated.

Lily's father passed Lily a tabloid that he'd had crunched up in his hand. Lily sucked in air as she stared at the magazine cover. Lily's heart was pounding in her chest. It looked so charmed, the photograph, despite being the very photograph Lily feared most to see on a tabloid.

The page cover was of Lily and James inside one of the greenhouses at Petunia's wedding. James' nose was touching hers, creating an aura of love that no one could deny. James, seeing the picture, fell backwards. Lily's father looked back and forth between them, concern on his face. Lily felt tears slip from her eyes as she sought James' face. He was pale, like he'd seen a ghost.

Lily swallowed thickly and asked softly, "what do we do, now?"

"There's nothing we can do, look at that photograph! It's clear as day!" James cursed and his hands flew to his hair as his eyes closed, "fuck!"

Lily tossed the tabloid on the floor and crossed the hall to grab his wrists. James opened his eyes to look down at her, clearly distressed. The slope, so treacherous, had finally made them both slip out from their safety nets. The fear pulled at Lily like quicksand. James put his lips close to hers but made sure they didn't touch. Lily's fingers reached for his shirt, keeping him positioned in front of her.

"Maybe you won't get in trouble." She said urgently, "maybe this is for the best! We were going to say something soon, anyways!"

He was out of focus, despite being eye to eye with Lily. Suddenly, every phone in the hallway was going off. She couldn't decide if it was a choice, getting swept away in her own fears. She heard the sound of her own voice, asking James to stay. The tears fell from Lily's eyes at the same time James pulled away, slipping from her grasp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...
> 
> I've noticed there're a lot of readers but not a lot of reviews.
> 
> Let's change that with this chapter?   
xoxo


	18. Red

CHAPTER 18: RED

They hadn't had much time to process the leak. Lily's flight was taking off at nine fifteen and they had to be on their way to the airport. Everyone piled into the rental car without a moment's notice. Lily barely had time to get dressed, let alone pack properly. Her luggage was just as messy as her hair, which she threw up into a messy bun as she got into the car.

James might've been sitting next to Lily on the way to the airport, but he might as well have been long gone. He had his right hand pressed against his face and his left hand was holding his phone to his ear. He looked stressed, lines appearing on his forehead as he talked on the phone. Lily had her hand on James' shoulder, her lip trembling as she watched James fight with his boss.

"We fell in love!" James was saying into the phone frenziedly, "I didn't plan for this to happen!"

"Fall out of it!" Moody's gruff voice was recognizable through the phone.

James fisted his free hand into his hair, "Moody, that's not how love works."

Lily let her head fall into James' shoulder because even she knew it wasn't that easy.

Trying to fall out of love was like trying to stop tumbling once you're already flying through a free fall.

Across from Lily and James, Frank was on the phone with Alice. Frank had been unexpectedly tame, especially since he was always the one telling James to stay professional around Lily. Despite the news, Frank seemed more concerned about getting Lily to the New York flat in one piece. Alice and Fletcher had taken a red-eye flight out to New York just so they could ensure Lily's flat was ready for her arrival. From what Lily could gather from Frank's conversation, now Alice and Fletcher were trying to keep the press off Lily's front doorstep.

Lily wiped her eyes unapologetically as she waited for James to get off the phone. Lily's father sat across from James and Lily. He was fiddling with his hands in his lap, clearly worried about the leaked photo. He kept looking between James and Lily, as if worried the world had already split them apart. Of everyone in the car, Lily's father had been the most supportive of the relationship and now he looked ready to fight off hordes of press just to keep them together.

Peter had texted Lily that he would call her later. Lily really didn't know if he was mad or happy about the sudden leak. Lily just knew she wasn't looking forward to that conversation, seeing as Peter didn't approve of James at all. Lily rubbed James' shoulder affectionately and leaned in to kiss his cheek. She didn't care what Peter thought; she wasn't going to let James get away.

James suddenly hung up his phone. He sighed loudly as he did so, insinuating the conversation hadn't gone well. Lily pushed slightly at James' shoulder, trying to get words out of him. James cleared his throat as he stuffed his phone into his pocket.

James' voice cracked, "I won't be coming to New York today."

"What?" Lily and her father echoed at the same time.

James looked at Lily sorrowfully, "I have to go talk to Moody face to face, I'm sorry Red."

"James, no." Lily grabbed his wrist, "I need you to come with me."

James shook his head, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to fix this other than let Moody simmer down enough that I can get more than five words in."

Lily's lip wobbled, "so you're just going to leave me?"

James bristled, "I don't have a choice!"

"You have all the choice in the world!"

Touching him, feeling him shake under her touch, Lily realized that all she ever wanted was right there in front of her. James was all she wanted, needed and cared about at that moment. She didn't care that Moody wanted him to stay in London when the only place James needed to stay in a time when the world was against them…was at Lily's side.

"I have to talk to him," James said in a softer voice, "if we want to make this work."

"He's right, Lily." Frank had hung up his own phone and interjected himself in Lily and James' argument, "he has to go talk to Moody and you have to go to New York."

Lily pouted in Frank's direction, "Moody can fly to New York if he wants to talk to James."

"I can't ask my boss to fly to New York so James can quit." Frank deadpanned, "That's not how this works."

James put a hand to Lily's face soothingly when he saw she wasn't pacified, "I'll fly in to New York on the first available flight after I'm done talking to Moody, okay?"

Lily leaned into his touch, sniffing loudly, "No, it's not okay."

James leaned forward, pressing his forehead to hers, "it's okay to not be okay," he murmured, "but I need you to try and hold it together for me, love, at least for a day or two."

"James," her voice broke, "I-"

Lily's phone went off in her pocket. The ringing was loud, invasive, and Lily cried out as she pulled it out. She saw it was Peter and her mood changed from bad to worse. Lily ripped her face away from James' tender touch in order to answer the phone.

She spoke first, rather heatedly, "If you're only calling to lecture me, I don't want to hear it right now Peter."

"I'm on my way to New York," Peter ignored the venom in her tone, "you go straight to your apartment, no surprises."

"Peter!"

"I'll see you in a few hours."

"Peter!"

Lily slammed her thumb on the end call button, frustrated. She looked up to find the car was at the airport. Naturally, someone had tipped off the press that she was flying out of the local airport. Even as the car was guided around to the tarmac, cameras flashed through the windows. Everyone was trying to get a glimpse of Lily if only because her love life was now splashed across the news front page.

James kept a tight hold on her hand as they got out of the car. Lily was certain she'd have a bruised hand; he was crushing her fingers between his. They walked over to the private plane under umbrellas that Frank had brought to deflect camera lenses. By the steps, James kissed her soundly, his hands firm against her skin.

"It's going to be okay," he promised her, "I'm going to talk to Moody and then we can deal with the press later."

Lily's lower lip wobbled at him, "why couldn't people just leave us alone?"

"Because you're not in the business where leaving people alone is a norm," James wiped his thumb against her lower lip, "let them talk, Lily, we know the truth."

"It's not fair," she whispered, "we were going to tell everyone, we had a plan, and then some asshole ruined it."

"I love you, Lily." he promised against her lips, "We won't be separated long."

Lily's tears left trails down her face, "I love you so much."

Lily ripped her mouth from his, wiping her cheeks with her sleeves. Lily hugged her dad, hugged James once more and then started climbing the steps into her private jet. When she looked back, Frank was clapping James on the back and James looked apprehensive. James' eyes flashed up to meet hers for half a second and Lily felt a painful lurch in her gut.

She felt like the world around her was grey as she fell into her seat on the airplane. She missed him already and felt all alone as the cabin doors closed after Frank was on board. Lily kept her eyes downcast as the plane started rolling down the runway for take-off. Frank settled into a seat across from Lily. He had his face in his hands and he looked as puzzled as she felt. Frank's eyes traced over her tired expression and he rubbed his beard absentmindedly.

"What?" she asked after a whole minute passed and he hadn't looked away, "why are you looking at me like that?"

"You really love him." Frank said, suddenly, always the tone of surprise.

"With my whole heart." Lily cried, crossing her arms across her chest and sinking into her seat, "and we had a plan to tell everyone but—"

Frank shook his head, "I don't envy you, Evans, always having to live under a microscope."

Frank sighed loudly and looked over at the cat carrier in the seat next to him. Juniper was being surprisingly quiet despite still being locked inside. Frank flabbergasted Lily when he opened the carrier and pulled Juniper out, plopping the fat black cat on Lily's lap. Lily hugged Juniper, looking up at Frank warily.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" she asked Frank, "You didn't want James and I together. You always told him that he was overstepping."

Frank's hard expression lessened, "Evans, I didn't want James to lose his job on a pipe dream that someone like you might actually love him."

Lily said, "is it so impossible to believe that I could love someone was fearless and selfless as James?"

"Forgive me for assuming that blokes like Roosevelt were your type." Frank sat down again, "I didn't want to see James get hurt, he's my mate."

"I love James, Frank." Lily said persuasively, "I would never hurt him."

Frank crossed his arms, "that may be, but what are you going to do when he gets reassigned? Moody will never let him stay on your team now that he knows you two are snogging behind closed doors. Glass or not."

"He's not going to get reassigned." Lily said confidently, "he's going to quit."

Frank arched an eyebrow at Lily, "he's under a twelve-month contract with Moody, Evans."

"The contract doesn't say he can't quit." Lily shot back.

"No," Frank agreed, "but it does have the provision that James has to give a month notice before quitting."

Lily stopped petting Juniper, "What does that mean?"

"It means that even if James quits this afternoon, he's still Moody's for a whole month." Frank said, "and you can bet Moody won't let him go back to being your bodyguard."

"Moody doesn't have a choice." Lily said, "because I'll march into his office myself if he even tries to send James away from me."

Frank was smart enough not to dare argue with her any further. Lily pet Juniper, her fingers sinking into the fur and digging with a kind of furious tempo that made Juniper glare up at her and meow. In order to avoid another Frank conversation, Lily got out her phone and went to the tumblr application. A part of Lily was concerned with what her fans were saying now that the news had officially broken. Before she could even open the app, she saw a text from James come through.

**James Potter:** _I love you._

Lily texted him back without pause: _come home soon_

Tumblr was wild the moment she entered it. Lily didn't know what she expected, but she was immediately overwhelmed by her fans. The very first post she saw was from Carmen, who'd written an essay on Lily's behalf. Lily liked it before she even read the first paragraph. It prompted a massive relogging spree from her fans, who were looking for answers.

**LilyEvans **LIKED** HolyCarmen:** Listen everyone. I saw them together in Lake Placid. He loves her so much. He looked at her like she was the only thing he cared about and guys. LILY. Lily was glowing. She was writing lyrics on napkins and laughing into his arms. Remember, she said she was truly happy. She said she was in love. I know a lot of people are confused because Lily's team kept saying Jily wasn't real. I know you guys feel super betrayed because Lily lied to everyone about jily. I know you're all wondering when Jily happened and if Lily really did cheat on Steven. The thing is, it's none of our business. Lily doesn't owe us anything. If she wants to keep her relationship with her bodyguard private, then that's her choice. Personally, I stand with Lily because I don't think she's done anything wrong. She deserves all the happiness in the world.

**LilyEvans** LIKED **blitheringmia**: I love jily

**LilyEvans** REBLOGGED **nobothersgiventoday**: I personally think that the media should be more concerned with the fact that Lily was barefoot in November. She could've caught a cold in the greenhouse…had James Potter not been there to keep her warm lmafo…

**LilyEvans** LIKED **MoonMonkeys**: It's really sad that Lily didn't want anyone to know she was in love and it's even sadder someone took the choice to tell everyone away from her.

**LilyEvans** REBLOGGED **RadioEyes**: jily deserved better, reblog if u agree

Lily kept scrolling, going deep into the depths of tumblr. Mostly, everyone seemed to be on her side. People were trying to build proper timelines. There were edits popping up left and right of the released photographs. Lily's fans had taken the photo of the greenhouse and written her lyrics over it in fancy fonts.

**magicgirlinajilyworld**: can we just appreciate that James and Lily met because he saved her life? Your OTP could never.

**thatsmyverb**: I hope Lily Evans is having a good day and the media burns in hell

**Nactivista** REBLOGGED **thatsmyverb**: I hope James Potter is having a good day and the media burns in hell

**Rissaexplainsitall** REBLOGGED **nactivista**: I hope Sirius Black, the best man at jily's future wedding, is having and good day and the media burns in hell.

Lily laughed and screenshot the conversation between rissaexplainsitall, nactivista and thatsmyverb. She sent the screenshot to James after she exited out of the tumblr app. Once she was inside her texts, Lily started going through all 300 messages. Some of them weren't relevant, over three months old, but Lily needed the distraction. She was worried about James and she wished they were still together.

**James Potter:** _at least your fans support us_

Lily smiled at his reply and texted back:_ #jily forever, baby_

**James Potter:** _according to Moody, it's the number one trending tag on twitter_

Lily perked up when he mentioned his boss: _you talked to him already?_

**James Potter:** _for a half a millisecond, he's currently on the phone and I was sent to time out like a five-year-old. He's pissed._

Lily dragged her fingers across the screen to answer: _if he even tries to send you away, I'll hop on the next plane back, I swear to god._

James loved her comment but didn't respond. Lily continued deleting old messages until her phone was clear of all names save Sirius, James and her family. Next, Lily went on her instagram and unfollowed everyone except her sister and Sirius. When she went on twitter and started deleting people on there, people took notice. Lily got back on tumblr while the plane landed.

**PetalsToFish:** why the hell is Lily clearing out her social media?

**mischief-magicae:** she unfollowed everyone except her fans on tumblr! She really does love us!

**enchantedtomeetjily:** imagine the album we're gonna get

Lily put her phone away and then zipped Juniper back up into the car carrier. The plane doors opened, and Frank helped Lily hide herself. Paps were outside the tarmac waiting for Lily's arrival but Frank kept Lily from the spotlights using an old umbrella.

It was a rainy New York night, a depressing mood settling around Lily's shoulders as she was driven back to her New York City apartment. She leaned her head against the window, thinking about the photograph in the papers. She still didn't understand who had seen them or followed them to the farthest corners of the garden. Lily supposed it could've been a party guest, but Petunia had gone through great lengths to make sure her guests didn't use their cell phones.

Lily sighed as the car parked in front of her apartment. Alice was standing outside, one hand on her hip holster. She was soaked, her blond hair plastered to her forehead as she came down to open Lily's door. The bright camera flashes made the rain almost blinding as Lily raced up the steps of her apartment. People were screaming for her to look their way. Frank kept the umbrella over her head and Lily covered her face with her hands.

Stumbling through her apartment door, Lily fell into the closest chair and let out a little scream. Lily had to agree with her fans, she wanted the press to burn in hell. Frank and the driver brought Lily's things in through the rain. Alice kept the cameras at bay, her gun threatening enough to keep anyone away from Lily's front door.

Lily retreated farther into the loft. She slowly tugged off her shoes, leaving them on two different sets of stairs. Her jacket joined her shoes on the floor as she stumbled headfirst into her sofa. She missed James terribly and wished he would call. Unfortunately, his end was silent.

Frank brought Lily her cat. She supposed he was trying to make her feel better, but Juniper just clawed her way out of Lily's arms to go to the bathtub in Lily's room. Frank left her alone, clearly uncomfortable. Lily didn't mind though; she'd had enough from Frank for the day.

Lily turned on the TV and suddenly she was staring at the picture of James kissing her in the glass greenhouse. E! News was reporting the story, calling Lily and James star-crossed lovers. As if their private relationship was something that the press even had the right to comment on. Lily stared at the television in despair as she realized that James had been thrust into the spotlight. She knew James hated it and she felt bad for subjecting him to the life she lived.

Lily just didn't understand who could be so cruel to take a picture and sell it to the paparazzi. Petunia's guests were old family friends for the most part. Lily knew no one in the bridal party had their phones, thanks to Petunia collecting them. Lily just couldn't figure out who'd followed them. And then she recalled that the only person who knew where she and James had gone was the same person who waved at her as he passed by her citadel on the sofa.

"Welcome back to New York, Princess." Dung said as he clambered down the staircase to the control room.

Lily launched up from her laying position, her mouth dropped open. Fletcher had been the one who heard Lily mention greenhouses. Fletcher had been the one who'd 'found' Lily when Petunia was looking for her. Fletcher had a camera phone that night because his work phone had a camera.

Lily flew up out of her seat and started stalking downstairs. Fletcher was still there, she knew he was, because she hadn't heard the front door open. Her blood boiled as she stomped down the stairs, screaming Fletcher's name like a banshee. Alice didn't look up from her computer, but Fletcher did look up and he looked guilty. Lily's fingers gripped the doorframe dangerously as she entered the room with all intents to strangle Fletcher with her bare hands.

"You!" Lily pointed at the old man, her hands shaking, "You were the only one who knew where James and I went!"

Fletcher stood up and put his hands up in defense, "what?"

"You were the only other person who heard me mention the greenhouses!" Lily screamed at the top of her lungs, "it was you!"

Fletcher's eyes darted over to Alice, who had put down her radio deliberately. Frank, who'd heard the commotion, came running. He faltered to a stop when he found Lily, red in the face, about to jump Fletcher. Alice stood up, her eyes moving in a calculated manner between Lily and Fletcher. Fletcher looked like he might piss his pants.

"Evans, you're hysterical." Fletcher said dumbly, "calm down."

"_Calm down_?"

Lily picked up the nearest item, a stapler, and chucked it at Fletcher who ducked. The stapler hit the opposite wall and then fell to the ground. Frank called out, launching forward to hold Lily back from grabbing the phone and chucking that too. Alice was looking around the room, as if trying to read Lily's mind and deduce what Fletcher was thinking.

"Why'd you do it?!" Lily spat at Fletcher, "_why_?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Princess." Fletcher sniffed, rubbing his nose.

"You sold James and I out to the papers!" Lily's tears streamed down her face, "don't deny it!"

Alice looked at Fletcher with revulsion as she comprehended what Lily was yelling about, "Fletcher, _you_ took the picture?"

Frank spoke up behind Lily, "what the Hell is going on?"

Lily pointed at Fletcher in despair, "he's the leak!"

"No!" Fletcher saw the death-like look in Lily's eyes, "you got to believe me!"

"You were the only one around!" Lily fumed, "you're the only one who had the opportunity to see us kiss in the greenhouse!"

"I didn't see nothing!"

"Why?" Lily screamed again through her furious tears, "Why'd you have to ruin the one last good _private_ thing in my life?! Did someone pay you? Why? _Why_!"

Frank put his arms around Lily, pulling her into a protective hug. He glared at Fletcher over Lily's head.

"Fletcher I swear to God-" Frank cursed, "if you fucking sold them out, I'll make sure you never get another job again!"

"I didn't do nothing!" Fletcher was sweating, "not my fault they were snogging in broad daylight!"

Alice pulled out her taser and pointed at her coworker, "Fletcher, don't test me."

Fletcher jumped away from Alice, eyeing the taser guardedly, "you won't taze me."

"I'm pregnant and running on two hours of sleep." Alice said dispassionately, "don't test me."

Fletcher looked around, realizing he was surrounded.

"I didn't bloody sell to the papers!"

"Fletcher!" Alice turned the taser on.

"Okay!" Fletcher yelped and put his hands up, as if in surrender, "okay! I took the photograph! But I didn't sell it to the paps!"

"Why'd you even _take_ a photograph?" Alice barked at Fletcher, "I told you to leave them alone!"

"I did! I did!" he cried, "but then I got an offer I couldn't refuse! Someone offered me money if I could prove they were sleeping together!"

"Of course, they were sleeping together!" Alice snapped, "anyone with eyes could see it!"

"Wait," Lily turned her eyes to stare at Alice in wonder, "you _knew_ James and I were together?"

"Of course, I knew." Alice said to Lily with a roll of her eyes, "did you think I was stupid?"

"See," Fletcher motioned at Alice, "everyone already knew Evans."

Frank snapped at Fletcher, "I swear to fucking god, Dung, you've really fucked up this time!"

Alice took Fletcher's wrist and twisted it and he called out in pain, "Start talking, Fletcher, who paid you?"

"He paid me! Okay!" Fletcher cried, holding up his hands in defense, "He paid me to see if they were sneaking around and they were, so he told me to get photo proof!"

Someone had actually paid Fletcher to spy on Lily and James. Lily's heart dropped to her stomach as she realized Fletcher had been a spy the whole time. He'd been waiting for the chance to catch them in the act. He'd been trying to get photos since Lake Placid.

"Who paid you?!" Alice demanded again, twisting his arm harder.

"_Peter Pettigrew_!"

The taser dropped from Alice's hands and Lily stepped away from Frank's grasp. Lily shook her head at Fletcher in shock. A sort of revulsion pumped through her bloodstream as she came to terms with what Fletcher had revealed.

"Peter?" Lily's mouth felt dry, "Peter paid you?"

"Very handsomely." Fletcher said, "so can you blame me? We all just want a little more—arg!"

Alice swung her wrist back and she punched Fletcher right in the face. Fletcher cried out and grasped his nose, which started bleeding immediately. Lily clutched her stomach bent over, sick to her stomach.

Alice muttered as Fletcher collapsed onto his knees, "I can't believe you let some asshole pay you to meddle in someone's private life!"

"Alice." Frank warned his wife, "not helping."

"I dunno," Alice said, shaking her wrist and glaring at Fletcher angrily, "I feel better."

Lily leaned against the nearest wall, "why would he—did I do something—why wouldn't he—Peter's my _oldest_ friend."

Her vision burned red with fury. She stumbled and grabbed onto one of the desks. She stared at her knuckles as she realized Peter had sold her out. She felt betrayed. She felt like someone had ripped the rug out from under her and she was in a free fall with no end. Lily didn't realize she was sobbing until she could no longer breathe without taking agonizing, lung shaking breaths.

And then, as if on cue, the man of the hour walked through her front door. She saw him in the black and white cameras on the computer screen. He was wearing a hat and a grey peacoat. Lily's grip hardened and she stood up straight, marching past Frank int he doorway. Frank called after her, perplexed.

Lily met Peter Pettigrew on the staircase halfway. Peter paused on his step, looking at her and then smiling, wide. He acted as if he hadn't sold a photo to the press. He acted as if he hadn't broken her heart. He acted as if he were still managing a little girl who didn't know how to fend for herself.

"Lily!" he opened his arms wide, "welcome home!"

Lily swallowed, forcing herself to remain calm, "why'd you sell that photo to the papers."

His smile faltered, "I didn't-"

"Don't you dare lie to me." Lily stepped down, one step closer to her manager, "Fletcher told me you paid him to spy on James and I."

Peter started fiddling nervously with his peacoat buttons, "I simply asked him to see if you two were together, I knew you were hiding something from me."

"You sold it to the papers!" Lily accused, "you sold me out!"

"I did not!" Peter retorted hastily, "how dare you!"

"How dare-how da-" Lily huffed, "Peter...how dare _you_?!"

"Mundungus Fletcher emailed me that photo!" Peter drew out his phone and got out the email for validation, "that intern you really liked saw it and _she_ sold it to the papers!"

Lily blinked rapidly, "What?"

"Samantha Clark sold the photograph to the paper." Peter tucked his phone in his pocket, "don't worry, I made sure she'll never get another job in this industry."

Lily pushed her fingers through her hair, "why would she _do_ that?"

"She was bitter after I fired the intern team." Peter said, "I never planned on anyone seeing that photo, I just asked Fletcher for proof that you were sneaking around with Potter."

"Why did you need proof?" Lily cried miserably, "why couldn't you leave well enough alone?"

"I don't think he's good for you." Peter said, "you deserve someone better than him."

"There is no one better than him!" Lily said, throwing her hands up in disbelief, "James is the kindest, most thoughtful, perfect person!"

"This is for the best." He said, "you two would've never lasted. "

"Peter, how could you?" Lily stomped her foot like a child, "I am finally happy! We were going to tell everyone after _Piper_ premiered! We wanted to do it on our terms!"

"Lily it's not a good match," Peter said forcibly, "you need to date someone famous! It'll keep you on the A-list! You need to keep your name and status relevant, maybe then you'll actually sell some albums after this disastrous year!"

"James is the only one I want!" Lily had reached the step right before Peter's, "I don't give a shit about my status or how many albums I sell. I just want to be happy. Is that so bad? To just be happy? I want a cottage in England, and I want kids! I want to sing in old pubs again and write songs on swings in my backyard! I don't want to be the Queen of pop anymore! I just want to be Lily."

Peter's watery blue eyes narrowed, "I can't just let you throw away your career for some nameless joe-shmoe off the street!"

"I just want a healthy balance Peter," Lily said, "I still want to sing and write but I also want to go home to London whenever I want. I want to be able to see my sister more. I want-"

"Okay!" Peter pressed his fingers to his temple, "I get it!"

Lily whispered, "try to see my point of view, Peter."

"Why would you want anything other than this life that I gave you?" Peter asked.

Lily's lower lip wobbled, "Peter, the man who helped me all those years ago wouldn't have paid someone to severely invade my privacy!"

"I did that because I was worried about you."

"You did it because you wanted to try and get rid of James!" Lily accused, "I know you don't like him, or approve of him, but he's not going anywhere! I love him and I will choose him, if it comes between fame or family, I will always choose family."

"You have a contract coming up and the label won't be okay with you disappearing every few months to go shag a cripple and have a bunch of babies in the English countryside!"

Lily faltered backwards, feeling as if Peter had just shot her in the gut, "get out."

Peter seemed to realize he'd fucked up before he tried to touch her, but she yanked away from him. Lily wiped her tears from her eyes with one hand and used the other to point at the door.

"Get out!" she yelled, "now, or I'll have my bodyguard remove you with Fletcher!"

Peter huffed, stomping down the stairs as he monologued, "good luck convincing the label to let you semi-retire without my backing Evans! Don't call me unless you're willing to apologize!"

He slammed the door so hard one of the picture frames on her wall dropped and shattered on the floor. Lily grabbed her hair and tugged at the roots, screaming out loud. She stomped up the stairs, looking for her phone. She called James and he picked up after the first ring.

"Peter just came by," Lily didn't even bother to say hi, "you'll never guess who gave that photo to the papers."

"Who?" James sounded tired.

"Apparently after Fletcher took it," James crushed on the other end of the phone, "and Samantha Clark got ahold of it then sold it as revenge for getting fired?"

"Samantha Clark?" James asked, "Peter's intern?"

"Yeah."

"Well," James sounded wary, "she was probably super upset she got fired but that doesn't make up for the fact Peter paid someone to _take_ pictures of you."

"I know," Lily fell into her bed, "James, it's so bad. I told Peter I wanted to split my time between singing and living a life with you. You would've thought I suggested I start a career as a baker in Alaska! He was so mad!"

"Speaking of mad," James said, "Moody went on a forty-five minute lecture in his office and I felt like I was back in primary school."

Lily tucked the phone between her shoulder and ear, "did he take you quitting well?"

"Not really." James said, "he wants to reassign me, obviously, for the last four weeks of the contract."

"He can't do that!" Lily threw her pillow at the ground irately, "He can't just send you on another mission without me!"

"What do you want me to do Lily?" James snarled into the phone, "Like it or not, he's still my boss for the next month."

"Always a soldier, doing what you're told." she snapped bitterly, "I swear to god James, I won't make it a week without you. You-you make me feel safe."

"I can't tell Moody no," he said, "I'm still under contract."

"Fuck the contract!" Lily bellowed, "fuck Moody! Fuck Peter! Fuck everyone telling us how to live! I'm sick and tired of people telling me what to do!"

James seemed to realize he'd hit a nerve because he tried soothing her down with a softer voice, "once the month is up, we should take a long vacation to a private island."

Lily thought of his hands getting caught up in her hair somewhere with a sweet island breeze. That eased her a little bit, but she was still mad. Moody was going to try and reassign James. Lily wasn't about to let that happen. When she hung up on James, she went down to find Frank in the computer room. Alice and Fletcher had disappeared.

"Alright Lil?" Franked asked when he saw the hardness in her eyes.

"May I borrow your phone?"

"Erm," Frank motioned to the cell on the table next to him, "sure, password is 4325."

Lily opened his phone and went to contacts. She found the person she was looking for easily because he was listed under Frank's favorites. Lily hit the button to dial before she placed the phone on her ear. Frank watched, wary of Lily's cool and calm demeanor.

"Hello?" Moody's gruff voice was always super identifiable.

"Moody?"

"Yes, I'm taking it this is Miss Evans." Moody sounded unsurprised by her sudden call, "it's been a long time since Manchester, Miss Evans."

"Indeed." Lily said coolly, "I'm calling on behalf of James Potter."

"I figured."

"I want him back." she said confidently, "he's not to be reassigned for his last four weeks."

"I'm afraid I've already removed him from your team," Moody said.

"No, that's not okay," Lily said, "I want him here tomorrow."

"Miss Evans," Moody appeased, "I run a high detail security service, not a dating service."

"James is a part of my high security detail," Lily said, "without him, I don't feel safe and I paid for three bodyguards, not two."

"You have Fletcher." Moody growled, "problem solved."

"Actually," Lily said, "I fired Fletcher for you."

"You did what?" Moody barked.

"He took unsolicited photos of me in private." Lily said, "Alice walked him out herself."

There was a long pause and then Moody grumbled, "are you tellin' me Fletcher took those photographs that are causing all this drama?"

"Yes." Lily said, "which is why you're going to give me back James until James' contract is null and void next month."

"What?"

"Because Mr. Moody," Lily said, "I know you prefer to keep your prestigious reputation in Hollywood, so I'd hate for that reputation to be tarnished by a guard taking unsolicited photographs of a client."

Moody sounded aggravated on the other end of the phone, "you're a fiery one, aren't you?"

"Do we have a deal?"

"Potter has to fill out some paperwork for me tomorrow afternoon for the legal team since he's quitting," Moody said, "but after that I'll have him on a plane back to New York for the last four weeks."

"Good." Lily said, nodding her head, "pleasure doing business with you."

Lily put down the phone. Frank slowly clapped from his chair.

"That," Frank said, "was impressive."

Lily nodded curtly at him, "I told you I wasn't going to let him reassign James."

Frank shook his head, "I shouldn't have underestimated you."

As Lily walked back upstairs to take a shower, she considered that a lot of people had been underestimating her for a long time. It was time that she took back her own life and controlled her own narrative.

She should be allowed to feel and think and grow.

She should be allowed to sing what she wanted to sing.

Most importantly, she should be allowed to love who she wanted to love.


	19. I Knew You Were Trouble

Lily fell asleep on the sofa in the middle of a movie marathon, refusing to go to bed when James wasn't around to make her feel cozy enough to sleep. At some point in the night, Alice or Frank had covered her with a soft blanket. When Lily woke up to morning light streaming through the window the blanket fell to the floor and Lily felt a rush of emotion for her two other bodyguards who truly cared for her. Lily stretched, feeling stiff from sofa surfing all night.

She had a message from James.

**James Potter:** _good morning beautiful, text me when you have a chance to wake up_

Lily typed her reply quickly: _I'm up and missing you_

She stood up from the sofa slowly, stuffing her phone into her bra strap as she made her way to the kitchen. She got down a pan and started making eggs just like James made them. She just wanted him back, but he was in London because Fletcher had ruined everything all for a few extra dollars. It didn't seem fair that James wasn't around when it wasn't his fault because the media got ahold of the photograph of them at Petunia's wedding. Lily felt like they were being punished for being in love.

Lily was thankful Moody had agreed to send James back but waiting for James was like waiting for a pot to boil. Knowing Peter didn't approve of James broke her heart. Peter had always encouraged her and trusted her to make good choices but suddenly, she makes the best choice of all and Peter was acting like she wanted to go live with penguins in Antarctica. Everyone loved James and wanted them to be together, or at least it seemed that way until Peter admitted he didn't want Lily with James in any shape or form. Lily sighed and leaned against the countertop, only pausing in her inner monologue to wave at Alice when she passed by checking cameras on the tablet.

On top of everything, Piper press had started so Lily had to go to an interview that night with Jimmy Kimmel. Although she'd been a guest on the show before, Lily didn't fancy starting the press tour after her privacy had been breached so horrifically. Lily's private life had just been broadcasted for the whole world to see. Lily was certain she wouldn't escape questions about it or James.

The thought of James, the topic of conversation where billions of people could tune in, was terrifying. For the last seven months, their relationship had been the one private thing in Lily's life that she could control. Now, she felt like she'd have to share James and her relationship with the viewers just because it was expected of her.

What if James didn't like the spotlight?

What if James left her because of it all?

As Lily sprinkled cheese on top of the eggs she was struck with a sudden sense of overwhelming panic. Her fingers shook and she gritted her teeth to try and keep control of her emotions. There was no use crying about it all. Still, she had to really work hard not to let a few tears slip from her eyes as she sat down at the old kitchen table to eat her breakfast.

Instead of wallowing in the future, where it was dangerous to stay too long, Lily got on workout clothes. She tugged her hair up into a messy bun and tied on her running shoes. Once in the gym, Lily imagined that James was there with her, teasing her over the rim of the treadmill. Funnily enough, James called while Lily was working out. She was already out of breath when she answered the phone and he instantly grew concerned.

"Are you okay?"

"I just ran a half mile." she fell to the gym floor and curled her knees to her chest, "so naturally I've gone into an asthmatic state."

"I'm going to repeat this again," he jested now, "are you okay?"

_No._ "Just stressed."

"You _must_ be stressed." He said flippantly, "if you're willingly working out alone."

Lily gave half a laugh, "yeah but I miss my workout buddy."

"I miss you too, Red."

There was honking on his side of the phone. It also sounded like it was raining, which was totally possible since he was in England. Lily wished she was there with him, or that James was in the room with her now. She wasn't picky.

"When can you leave London?" She asked next, "are you on your way to the airport now?"

"Almost." James promised, "I'm just leaving the office and Moody booked me on the 4 O'clock flight."

"Four in the afternoon?" Lily leaned against the treadmill, "so I won't see you until after my Jimmy Fallon thing tonight?"

"Yeah," he sounded as disheartened as her.

"James?"

"Hm?"

"What do you want me to say if they ask about you."

He was quiet for a moment and then he said, "whatever you feel most comfortable with, love."

Lily's lower lip wobbled, "I'd feel most comfortable if we weren't the top trending topic on twitter."

"I know." He sighed before saying, "Alice texted saying she was going with you tonight."

Lily picked at a bit of fuzz on her leggings. James was breathing a bit harder, insinuating that he'd started walking faster. She closed her eyes, imagining his face. She missed everything about him, from his kind hazel eyes to his messy black curls.

"I miss you so much." She reiterated into her phone.

"I miss you too, Red." He waited a moment and then asked, "have you talked to Pettigrew?"

"No," she couldn't help sounding bitter, "I don't know what to say to him."

"Maybe start with '_why'd you have to be such a massive git_' and the rest will fall into place?" He suggested scathingly.

That made her smile again, "I dunno James, this is just so unlike him. Peter's always protected my privacy like it was his own. For him to do this I just—I feel betrayed."

"And you have every right to feel that way, love." James urged, "I'd fire him, if I were you."

Lily placed her chin on her knees, "I never imagined it'd end up like this."

James grumbled on his side of the phone, "he's damn well lucky I wasn't there last night."

Lily can only imagine how the altercation with Peter and Fletcher would've gone if James was there. Lily was suddenly grateful she wasn't washing blood out of her expensive hardwood floors downstairs. James probably would've murdered them both. Then, dug them both up to murder them a second time. Lily couldn't say she would've blamed James, but she didn't want her boyfriend to be identified as a murderer either.

Rita Skeeter would just _love_ that.

"How can I trust Peter after this?" Lily voiced her concerns to James as she tapped her foot against the ground, "but at the same time…Peter's the only one I ever trusted…and I think that's why I'm so gutted about it. I mean Peter was there from the very first day. He protected me. He guided me. He even got me out of my contract under Riddle's company the minute I voiced my concerns for my safety. Why the sudden change?"

"I know it's hard," James said, "but I don't think you should avoid talking to Pettigrew. You need to be clear that what he did, paying Fletcher off, you need to tell him that he hurt you. He needs to know he crossed a line, Lily, or he might keep crossing lines."

Lily chewed her bottom lip attentively. James was right, she had to talk to Peter. Even though she was furious at Peter, he was still her manager and she had to set rules. She had to have boundaries and Peter had to respect them.

"Lily?" James inquired when she didn't reply.

"You're right," she wiggled her toes absentmindedly, "I'll call Peter once we hang up."

"Call me if you need me." He said, "and if I don't answer, don't worry because Sirius is two minutes away from your flat with hot tea and scones from your favorite bakery downtown."

Lily sat up, her legs flailing animatedly, "wait, what?"

James chuckled at her excitement, "I texted Sirius last night that his best friend needed him, and _he_ just texted me to tell me that he's almost to your flat."

Lily felt a real smile break her stony features, "you're my hero, James Potter."

"Technically Sirius will be the hero in this chapter," he teased, "but I'm on my way."

"It's never too late for you and your white horse to come around." She hummed the lyrics to her song playfully.

He chuckled warmly on the other end, "next chapter."

"All of me for all of you." She whispered into the receiver.

Lily was thrown back into the calming atmosphere of the snowy forest, right before they'd finally broken down the last wall between them. She could remember every detail, down to the way James looked at her with his misty hazel eyes.

"All of me, for all of you," James repeated lovingly.

Lily's heart ached for him, "Bye babe, I love you."

"Go call Peter, I love you more." James told her.

Lily ended the call with James and dialed Peter's number. Her foot tapped excessively against her calf as she waited for Peter to pick up. When he finally did, he sounded guarded. The distrustful energy between them was new and unexplored so Lily treaded lightly.

"Hello, Lily."

"Peter," Lily used her best business tone, "I wanted to talk to you before _Piper_ press started tonight."

"Talk about what?" Peter already sounded exasperated, "I told you—"

Lily took a deep breath, "what you did, paying Fletcher to prove James and I were together, that was awful. Peter do you have any idea how betrayed I feel?"

Peter said, "I just wanted him to confirm you two were together, so that I had a head start on the eventual press drama. I didn't expect Fletcher to send me a photo or the intern to sell it when she got angry over being fired. I'm sorry this happened Lily, truly I am. I've always been your biggest fan, you know that."

Lily wiped a tear from her eye, "you are my friend first and manager second, Peter, so I always respect your opinions and I know you say that you had my best interest at heart when you asked Fletcher to spy on me but if you want me to have any future with your label you have to promise me no more tricks."

"It wasn't a trick—"

"And you have to stop telling me who I can and cannot love. Not even a snide remark about James. Not one, Peter or I'll walk."

Peter's end was quiet for a moment and then he said, "I wish you and James all the happiness in the world."

She took that and ran with it, "Peter I also want to be clear; I still want to sing live on my terms. No one else. Manchester hurt me a lot, Peter. I need time. All I'm asking for is time."

Peter ruffled some papers before saying awkwardly, "if you record an album, you have to go on tour."

Lily pushed her fingers through her hair, "Peter."

He heard the conflict in her tone, "okay, we'll talk tour and album after _Piper_."

"After _Piper_." Lily agreed, "are you going to be at Jimmy Kimmel tonight?"

"Ah, no." He said, "I've got to be in Miami for a meeting, I'll be back in a few days."

"Okay," she conceded, "see you in a few days, Peter."

"Bye Lily."

Four flights of stairs down, Lily heard the buzzing from the front door. There was only one person who'd bring ringing her doorbell so early in the morning. Lily scrambled to her feet animatedly. She stuffed her phone in her pocket and started bounding down the stairs two at a time. She made it to the main floor landing just as Frank let Sirius through the front door.

Sirius was wearing white wash jeans and a black peacoat. The most striking part of his outfit was a purple scarf hanging from his pale neck. Three braids on the side of his head dangled near his ear as he balanced a paper bag and a cup of tea. When he spotted Lily, he threw his arms open and she fell into his clutch.

When Lily pulled back, she was smiling wide at him, "I missed you!"

"I got on the first flight to JFK." Sirius' grey eyes traced her face, "James told me Peter's intern leaked those photos. Are you going to be ok?"

Lily's hugged him again, "I'm just happy you're here, honestly."

"Let's go upstairs," Sirius sensed her hesitant pause, "I brought lavender scones and your favorite tea, compliments of your handsome bodyguard boyfriend."

Lily and Sirius settled onto the sofa in the larger sitting room. The pool, a feature Sirius regularly teased her about, was sparkling from morning light streaming from the window. Lily gobbled down a scone before Sirius prompted her for more information. He nudged Lily's ankle with his foot, and she looked up from her second scone, tilting her head at him.

"So, who _took_ the pictures of you and James at Petunia's wedding?" He asked.

Lily crossed her leg and bounced her foot anxiously, "it was one of my guards, he's gone now, Peter paid him to get proof James and I were together."

"Wait," Sirius narrowed his grey eyes, "Peter paid one of your guards for _proof_? Why the bloody Hell did Peter even care?"

Lily threw her head back against the cushions and dropped her second scone back into its packaging, "he said it was to protect me."

"Bullshit!" Sirius barked brashly and she winced, "protect you from what?"

"Making a mistake." Lily quoted with her fingers sarcastically.

"James is a hell of a lot better of an option than fucking Steven Pompous-Ass Roosevelt."

Lily felt herself get worked up just by Sirius' outrage, "I know! But Peter says I need to date someone famous and that'll keep me on the fucking A-List!"

Sirius' face turned red and he rolled his eyes to the back of his head, "Is he mad? Lily, that's absurd!"

"I think he's worried about album sales after the year from Hell."

"You won't sell more records because of who you're dating, you'll sell more records because you're an amazing songwriter!" Sirius cried, "Peter's gone barking mad!"

Lily fluffed her fringe irritably, "James thinks I shouldn't let him be my manager anymore."

Sirius crossed his arms, looking anxious, "does that mean you won't resign to Peter's label?"

Lily exhaled, "I don't know."

"I can call a few buddies over at Atlantic records." Sirius offered, "get you some more options?"

Lily picked scone crumbs off her sweater, "the thing is, I really don't want to just leave the label or Peter last minute after I _just_ said in a Radio One interview that I was resigning with Marauders Records."

"Lily," Sirius said earnestly, "you don't owe them anything."

"It's not about that, Sirius. It's about loyalty. Peter got me out of my record deal with Riddle and _Sing It!_ and he's been with me since day one." She explained her conflict, "until this week, he's stood by me one hundred percent."

"So, you don't agree with James?"

"Yes and no." She wrinkled her nose, "Peter didn't sell the photo, his intern did, so I have to believe he was just trying to protect me, even if it was a very invasive and stupid way of showing his concern."

"Very stupid," Sirius agreed, kicking his feet up on her coffee table, "so what are you going to do now?"

Lily shrugged, "I called Peter and told him he can't ever do anything like that again."

Sirius eyed her, "That sounded like you were talking to a brick wall."

"It wasn't very fun." Lily chewed on her lip, "He's not receptive to me not touring when the new album comes out."

Sirius shook his head, "I think we've lost him, Lil, the Peter we knew wouldn't have ever brushed you off."

Lily pressed her fingers to her forehead. Sirius patted her shoulder sympathetically.

"What do I do?" Lily whispered tragically into her hands, "I'm going to have to walk away from Marauders Records if he doesn't stop pushing tour and a new album and a better boyfriend and ugh…I'm so tired of it already!"

"Well if you're walking," Sirius rubbed her back, "I'm not going to stay on as a producer. No way in Hell."

"No, Sirius," Lily said, looking up from her hands, "Don't quit on my behalf."

"I'm not going to work for someone who's being a dick to my best friend." Sirius said, wrapping his arms around her, "and I'm not producing number one hits for a dick either."

Lily snuggled into his hold, "Peter's going to be manic if we both walk."

"He dug his own grave the moment he broke your trust." Sirius said, "so he'd better wake up from whatever dream world he's in or he _will_ lose both of us."

Lily and Sirius spent the rest of the morning watching their favorite shows. Lily ordered Chinese for lunch and they played a board game over orange chicken. Sirius told Lily about happenings in Los Angeles and Lily updated him on her family back home. The afternoon was almost perfect, had it not been for one key ingredient missing. Lily just wanted James back and she couldn't resist checking his flight information every other hour.

Finally, at half past five, Lily started getting ready for Jimmy Kimmel. She wore a pretty wrap dress the same burnt colors as the autumn leaves upstate. Sirius did her make-up, choosing to do dramatic dark eyes to match the dark undertones of her dress. While Lily did her hair, Sirius played with Juniper on the floor of the master bedroom.

News had gotten out that Lily was back in New York so naturally, fans and paps were waiting when she exited the apartment in her striking outfit. The screams were deafening, and Lily was thankful once she was in the car that she had bodyguards. Alice sat in the front seat with the driver. Sirius sat beside Lily in the back, fixing his own eyeliner. Both Sirius and Alice flanked her as she walked into the building, blocking Lily's face from paparazzi cameras.

Lily was even jittery as she filmed with Jimmy Kimmel. He was a fun host, always playing games with his guests. Lily got lucky and her co-guests happened to be the Irwin family. As such, she spent most of the three hours in her dressing room and on stage, playing with adorable animals from the Australia Zoo.

The young wildlife professional, Robert, was an energetic teenager. She liked him the moment she met him, and they bonded over a love for cats. In the middle of her interview with Kimmel, someone from the zoo plopped a cheetah cub in Lily's lap. Lily's mouth dropped open and she felt a sense of wonder rise in her chest as she pulled the cub farther up her lap.

"Oh my god," Lily cooed, "Who is this?"

Robert leaned over from his seat, offering the cub a milk bottle, "this is Kasi, she got abandoned by mum so she's being hand raised."

"Well that just won't do," Lily hummed at the cheetah cub who was playing with the tassels of Lily's decorative belt, "I'm your mum now."

The cub rolled over in her lap and Lily found herself smiling for real as she tickled the cub. It was the easiest interview she'd ever had to do, mostly because Robert did most of the talking. Lily played with Kasi, using her belt as a toy. Most of the focus, thankfully was on the cub. Even the audience was eating the baby cheetah camera shots up.

"I have a cat at home," Lily told Robert and Kimmel, "Juniper's going to be so jealous when she smells that I've cheated on her with another cat."

"Your house cat might be scared of a cheetah." Kimmel said, leaning over to watch Kasi play in Lily's lap, "even a cub."

Lily shook her head, "you'd think, but Juniper's about the size of a small dog."

"Your house cat is bigger than a cheetah cub?" Robert Irwin doubted.

Lily looked up from the cub, grinning sheepishly, "I tried to put June on a diet once and she ate my favorite pillowcases in retaliation."

"And you're quite certain you own a cat?" Jimmy laughed, tossing his head back, "not a mini pony?"

"Quite." Lily said, as she adjusted the cat currently in her arms, "although, James thinks Juniper might be part wolverine."

Lily almost didn't realize she'd mentioned James so casually, until she saw Jimmy's eyebrows fly up into his hairline. Clearly, someone had prewarned him not to talk about James Potter. Lily cursed herself for being too relaxed. She blamed the cheetah cub in her hands. Kimmel took Lily's slip up as a sign that he could talk more.

"James," he eased into the topic, "your new boyfriend, right?"

Lily blinked like a deer caught in the headlights, "yeah, that's him."

Jimmy waggled his eyebrows, "you two caused quite a stir in the news this week."

"I don't know why," she said nonchalantly, despite the flush on her neck, "it's like no one's ever seen two people in love kiss before."

"In love?" Kimmel asked, shocked.

"Yes." Lily said softly, "he's—he's—he is the best."

"Indeed," Jimmy said knowingly, before transitioning, "now, tell us about that new Princess movie coming out that my daughter is so excited for."

And just like that, life moved on. Everything lived a short life in Hollywood, especially relationships. Perhaps that's why Lily wanted to keep James out of it. They didn't deserve the sharp knife of Hollywood slicing them apart, not after how hard they worked to make it work between them.

Jimmy showed a preview for _Piper_, before the show moved on to a game. Lily stood out from the game, letting Robert and Jimmy play against each other. She stayed on her chair, petting the cheetah cub. A woman in khaki's and a zoo vest appeared, holding her hands out for the cub. Lily reluctantly handed the cub over, waving goodbye sadly when the woman took it back behind the scenes.

Once the show was over, Lily took her time in the production rooms and dressing rooms. Anytime someone stopped her to talk she listened and provided a few words per person. Peter had always taught Lily to treat her reputation as the most fragile part of her career. He always said that in one meeting, a person could decide if they liked you or hated you. Lily tried really hard to make everyone like her.

By the time she'd gotten back to her own dressing room, it was almost one in the morning. Lily was in the hallway outside the dressing rooms, talking to Bindi Irwin about her recent engagement to a wakeboarder, when she spotted the one person she truly wanted to talk too. He was walking down the hall beside Sirius, one arm tossed over Sirius' shoulders. His trademark jet black hair was hard to miss, especially when one of his hands ruffled it quickly as he laughed at something that Sirius had said.

"_James_!"

Lily didn't remember saying goodbye to Bindi. All she recalled was flying past the crew, all of them watching in surprise as she bounded down the hall. James spotted her coming and his grin grew even wider as he let go of Sirius. Sirius leaned against the closest wall as James opened his arms and Lily melted into his hold. She took in a deep breath once she was enveloped in him, smelling his familiar soapy smell.

"You're back!" she wiggled in his hold like a giddy child, "your home!"

James leaned down to kiss the top of her head, "I missed you too, Red."

She tilted her head back so she could grin up at him, "I'm almost ready to go, I'm just waiting for the car."

James nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear, "Sirius said you talked with Peter?"

Lily sent him an exasperated look, "yes, but it wasn't very productive."

James' lips pursed, "of course it wasn't."

She let her arms unwrap from his waist, but she didn't let go completely. She let her fingers wrap into his hand, keeping him attached to her person in any way possible. James lifted her hand to his mouth, and he kissed her wrist as she bid goodbye to the Irwin's. He squeezed his fingers against hers when they walked out on to the New York streets and camera flashes went off in every direction.

The craziest part was that instead of just screaming her name, the paparazzi had taken to calling James to look at their cameras as well. Alice shoved the both of them into the back of the car and huffed quite loudly when he followed, close behind. Sirius was laughing as he climbed in, flipping off the cameras.

Alice glared at James as the door shut, "they're treating you like a celebrity now."

"They'll get over it." James said, "two more weeks and the world won't give two shits about Lily Evans' bodyguard turned boyfriend."

Lily only hoped James was right.

Once back at the apartment, everyone settled around the television in the main room. Sirius put on The Avengers and James made homemade popcorn. Lily stayed warm in James' arms as they watched the movie. Sirius and James debated who was the best avenger, their debate dissolving Lily into laughter at some points. When the movie was over, Sirius fell asleep on the sofa while James and Lily cleaned the popcorn bowls side by side in the kitchen.

James kept hip checking her impishly, a mischievous glint in his eyes whenever she glared at him just as playfully. When they were done cleaning, James took her hand. He pulled her upstairs to the bedroom with the occasional kiss placed on every part of her body he could reach. She locked her bedroom door behind her before pulling him in for a snog. Or two. Or more. His fingers started undoing the zipper on the back of her dress after only a few seconds, starting something neither of them would stop.

Lily fell asleep in his arms, breathing in nothing but content sweetness. In the morning he didn't have to leave, and James took full advantage of that knowledge by starting another fire in her bloodstream with settled kisses down her spine as she woke up. James' touch elicited her to slip right into a state of grace and as such, they didn't get out of bed until well after her alarm had gone off.

She was late to her interview with a _Vogue_ writer downtown as a result. She stumbled into the breakfast nook where they'd planned to meet, apologizing profusely. Alice was right behind Lily, wearing her Moody and Associates vest for warmth seeing as the New York streets were layered with frost that morning. Lily took off her peacoat as she fell into the chair where Amelia Bones was waiting, wearing a stylish sweater and bright pink nails. Lily had done an interview with Amelia Bones before and for that reason, she wasn't as nervous as she normally was.

As _Piper_ press continued, there were no direct apologies from Peter and Lily wasn't about to apologize to him. Lily was taking the high road, as far as she was concerned because it was Peter's fault the pictures got out to the press. She wasn't about to apologize for something that wasn't her responsibility. It was Peter's fault that the _Piper_ press tour had turned into a Lily Evans interrogation tour.

In fact, press for _Piper_ was a literal nightmare since Peter was missing in action. Normally, he went to interviews with Lily to brief the interviewers what they could ask and what they couldn't ask Lily. Peter hadn't shown up to a single interview, leaving Lily to be thrown to the wolves.

"Did you cheat on Steven Roosevelt?"

"No."

"Are you and James Potter in love or was it an affair?"

"I want to keep my relationship private."

"Was the bomb in Manchester scary?"

"I don't want to talk about that."

"Severus Snape was released from prison on good behavior, how do you feel about that?"

"I don't know."

"Who is James Potter?"

"My boyfriend."

"What made you break Steven Roosevelt's heart?"

"Do you have any questions about _Piper_?"

By the third day of numerous awkward questions, Lily's _Piper_ tour co-stars were trying to deflect the questions from being directed at Lily. Rose Leslie was answering questions for Lily by the third day. Daniel Radcliff was threatening any interviewer off camera if they dared question Lily's integrity by the end of the first week. Lily was starting to think about disappearing until the premiere but, of course, she couldn't do that.

The press tour had Lily bouncing from New York, to Los Angeles, to New York and then back to Los Angeles. James, Alice and Frank were stretched thin as they tried to keep up with her busy tour schedule. Alice was traveling with Lily the most, while Frank and James held down the fort in New York.

By the end of a whole week in Los Angeles, Lily was itching to get back to New York, if only so she could be with James again. He texted her often, telling her how much he missed her. He even sent her photographs of Juniper, who had to stay behind in New York. Alice knew it was hard on Lily, so the blond tried to keep Lily busy. They went out to dinner a lot and explored the sights and sounds of the coastal towns whenever Lily wasn't doing interviews.

Lily was thankful when Sirius appeared at the Malibu house on Thanksgiving, carrying a turkey and a bottle of wine. Marlene showed up with Dorcas five minutes later, both of them carrying trays of bread. Melina and her husband were the biggest surprise, bringing their 14-month-old daughter, Isla. Thankfully, because she was on a press tour, it was hard for people to track her. No one knew she was in Malibu, which actually made being back in California not totally unbearable.

Isla was a bubbly little girl, keeping her mum and dad on their toes. Melina seemed happy when Lily grabbed Isla and took the little girl down to the beach. They played in the cold Pacific Ocean until it got cold and they raced back up to the firepit at Lily's house. Sirius had cooked the turkey in a fryer and Melina's husband, a chef, made amazing sweet potatoes on the grill. Lily settled around the table with all her California friends. They drank wine and ate turkey sitting out on her patio overlooking the ocean.

"Where's James?" Melina asked Lily kindly as they ate, "I was hoping to meet him when Marlene told me you were in town."

"You'll meet him soon," Lily promised her oldest friend, "he had to stay in New York, but we'll be back, I'm sure."

Melina crossed her legs and bounced Isla on her lap, "I'm surprised Peter's not here either."

Lily looked down at her hands awkwardly, "Peter and I are kind of not speaking at the moment."

"What?" Melina had been there for the _Sing It!_ drama and no doubt, trusted Peter as much as Lily since she was one of the artists who joined Marauders Records before she retired to have Isla, "what happened?"

"Peter's the reason that photo of James and Lily was released." Sirius spoke up for Lily, knowing exactly why Lily was keeping her mouth clamped shut, "he still hasn't apologized to her."

"Peter released the photo to the press?" Marlene asked as she chewed on a turkey leg, "but why?"

Lily shook her head, "it wasn't his fault, directly, but indirectly? I don't know, it's really complicated."

"Bullshit," Sirius scoffed, "he's the one who fucked up!"

"You're _Lily_ _Evans_." Marlene put down her turkey leg, "it'd be in your best interest to remember that."

"Why?"

Melina raised a brow at Lily, "you are the backbone of Marauders Records and without you, Peter has nothing."

Lily chewed on her lip, "so you all think I should walk?"

"I know you said his intern sold that photo," Sirius leaned back in his chair, "but his intern would've never had to chance to sell anything, if Peter hadn't invaded your privacy just because he didn't approve of James."

"Wait Peter's _intern_ sold the picture to the press?" Dorcas leaned closer to Marlene, eyes trained on Lily, "what the fuck?"

"I know." Lily sniffed gloomily, "it's a messy situation."

"You've known Peter forever so I know this must be hard," Melina shook her head at Lily, "but maybe it's time to think about being the boss I know you are and take back your own career."

"Be the boss." Lily repeated easily, "so, make my own terms?"

"Exactly," Sirius agreed with Melina, "In December, when we go for a resign, you make the demands and you tell them how the next albums will be produced and you remind them that without your songwriting they'd all still be scraping dishes."

"I agree with everyone else, obviously," Marlene raised her glass of wine, "get what you fucking deserve, Evans."

Lily offered her mates a watery smile as she looked around at them all, "love you all, so much."

Sirius nudged her foot with his under the table, "we love you most, Lily."

Although it was nice spending Thanksgiving with her friends in California, Lily was more than grateful when it was time to go back to New York. She had a week and a half until _Piper_ premiered and then she was free from obligations and plans. The first thing Lily wanted to do when she didn't have any plans was to take James on a long cruise to Greece.

When Lily finally got back to New York and fell into James' arms, he kissed her deeply and she melted into his familiar mouth. Alice skirted around them, a small smile on her face as she called Frank's name. James' hands came up to cup Lily's cheeks tenderly. They kissed for a while in the entryway, making up for lost time.

"I missed you so much," Lily murmured against his mouth, "let's go upstairs."

James nodded; hazel eyes molten as he started leading her up the stairs. They barely turned the corner when the doorbell rang. Lily ripped away from him and they shared a confused expression.

"Can you stop snogging your girlfriend and get that James?" Alice called from the control room.

It was half past eight at night and they weren't expecting anyone. James made Lily wait behind the wall as he walked slowly to the front door. James called out to Alice that he was answering the doorbell. Lily stayed behind the wall for her own safety. Lily heard James' tone of surprise and curiosity got the best of her. Lily rounded back around the corner and Lily found Samantha Clark standing at the door, wringing her hands together.

Samantha looked awful with bags under her eyes and fresh tear lines on her cheeks. She was wearing a burnt orange peacoat that might normally look nice had she not had joggers on underneath it. Samantha had a bag wrapped around her left shoulder and she was supporting the bag with her right hand as the wind blew her black hair into her face.

Samantha looked relieved when she saw James, "Oh thank God, you're still here."

James' grip on the door handle was white, "you're not welcome here."

"Please," Samantha pleaded, "I walked all the way here."

Lily wrapped her arms around herself as she confronted Samantha who stared at Lily with as much relief as she'd stared at James with, "what are you doing here, Samantha."

Samantha held her hands up like she was surrendering, "I came to talk to you."

"How about starting with an apology," Lily stated coolly, "or are you just here to take more information to the press?"

Samantha blinked, "What?"

"Why'd you sell that photograph of James and I?" Lily put her hands on her hips.

"I didn't sell any photos." Samantha swore, "but I bet I know who did."

"Who?" Lily asked sarcastically, "Santa Claus?"

James glared between them both, "come inside Samantha, Rita Skeeter's across the street with a long lens and I don't want her reading any lips."

Samantha came into the house and undid the buttons on her coat halfway. Lily glared at the woman, feeling deceived since they'd gotten along so well. Samantha shook off Lily's glare, clearly there for something else.

Samantha hopped from foot to foot, "I came to warn you both."

"About what?" James asked as she locked the front door.

"Peter." Samantha looked between the couple with watery eyes, "I went back for my last paycheck today."

"Didn't get paid?" Lily asked sardonically, leaning against the wall and staring at Samantha, "I'm sure the money you got from the press will pay your bills."

"No," Samantha looked at Lily now, clearly, "I went to get my check and he left his door open—"

"Who?"

"Pettigrew," Samantha hitched her bag up her shoulder, "I went into his office to see if he had anything on the downsizing, all of us were so blindsided by his firing the whole intern department, and that's when I found this on his desk."

Samantha opened her bag and James put a protective arm in front of Lily. He only let the arm fall when Samantha pulled out a thick stack of papers. Samantha motioned for Lily to take them. Lily shared a look with James before she took the papers Samantha was offering her. The first page was a letter with Peter's signature at the bottom.

_Riddle,_

_I am very pleased with this prosperous position your proposal has put me in. Attached are all the signed forms, including the transfer papers from the bank. The transaction will be completed on December first. Once _Piper_ has premiered, Lily Evans' catalogue will be expanded to three more albums directly under Marauders Records, now permanently under contract with Greater Goods Records and Entertainment. This merger will ensure that Marauders Records operates with continued anonymity and Greater Goods Records remains in control of the major assets._

_Respectfully,_

_Peter Pettigrew_

Lily shook her head and she tucked back the first page, "I don't understand what this is."

Samantha brushed her hair back frustratedly, "It means that Pettigrew sold Marauders Records to Greater Goods Records."

Lily paled, "wait, _what_?"

Samantha grabbed the stack of pages and flipped to page 45, "here, it says that '_in lieu of good performance Greater Goods Entertainment is attaining Marauders Records for full profit. After artists resign in December, Greater Goods retains all rights under the law to produce, promote and terminate projects according to CEO dictation_' Lily this is all fancy words for a merger! Peter sold Marauders Records."

"Hold on," James had one hand on his hip, the other hand buried in his hair, "you mean to tell me Pettigrew sold Lily? Like she's a bloody racehorse he can make money off of?"

"He sold the whole label." Samantha pushed her brads back over her shoulder, "that's why he fired all the interns, the merger was going through and Greater Goods Entertainment didn't want to keep anything that they didn't deem profitable…it's all right there in your hands."

Lily stared at the stack of papers, absolutely flabbergasted. Of everything that had happened since last year, Lily couldn't believe this was actually happening. Peter had sold Marauders Records to the very company Lily had joined Marauders Records to escape.

Lily looked at James, her eyes wide with panic, "I can't go back under Tom Riddle, James, he's ruthless."

"What do we do Lily?" James asked, "You know more about the industry than me."

Lily just shook her head, falling into the bench near the door. She was trying to read the papers, but her mind was unable to comprehend much as she came to terms with what Samantha had uncovered.

"Call your lawyer," Samantha urged, "maybe he can find a loophole to get you out of any future contracts, but it looks like Greater Goods owns all your other albums now."

"All of them?" Lily looked up from the paperwork wretchedly, "Tom Riddle owns all my music?"

"If I read the section in this about you correctly," Samantha said, "Peter's given Greater Good's complete control of Marauders Records."

_Complete control. _

Lily absolutely was not okay with that. She remembered what her friends had said at Thanksgiving. Lily had to stand up for herself because she could no longer sit back and let other people dictate what she was worth. Samantha looked between James and Lily worriedly.

"I swear I didn't sell that photo," Samantha said, "tonight's the first time I've been back in that office since he fired everyone."

James placed a hand on her shoulder, "I believe you."

Samantha chewed her lip as she surveyed Lily next, "please, Miss Evans, all I ever wanted to do was work for someone like you. I respect you. That's why I brought you these papers."

Lily didn't want to believe that Samantha was lying, but it made Peter's betrayal worse. It was clear now that peter had been playing a game since day one. Lily didn't mean anything to him. She was just an asset. There was something totally dehumanizing about being called an asset in a business letter between two men.

"I'm going to end this." Lily said, pulling out her phone and dialing her lawyer, "I am _not_ going back to Greater Goods Entertainment."

Samantha stayed, laying out the contract she'd nicked across four tables and the kitchen island. They were pouring over every inch, trying to figure out what was happening. Alice had a cup of tea and was reading under her breath. Frank was sitting cross legged on the floor with a section, scratching his beard. James was laying upside down on the couch, glasses lopsided as he poured over some legal jargon.

Lily stood next to Samantha; they were both looking at a page with Lily's name written in black ink.

_i. _ _Lily Evans' aforementioned albums Change EP, Speak Now, Beautiful Eyes, Kaleidoscope and Roses _

_will be split 50/50 between the two parties. _

"They want the royalties." Samantha cursed as she highlighted the piece, "they're trading off your albums for the _royalties_."

"How is this legal?" Lily rubbed her forehead, "I wrote these albums! Sirius produced them! The only album Riddle's label ever owned was _Change_ but I thought I owned the others. Peter _told_ me that we owned the others."

"Because you've always under their control." James muttered angrily from his seat, "they've been working together for years, according to this."

"What do you mean?" Lily asked fretfully.

James read out loud, "_previous transfers between parties remained consistently 20/80 since Marauder Records inception in 2017. This partnership will increase profits for both parties with the implementation of the merger._"

"I don't understand." Lily looked at Samantha who had wide eyes, "do you understand?"

Samantha nodded faintly, "Marauders Records has always been partially owned by Greater Goods Entertainment."

Lily fell down onto a nearby stool, "this is unbelievable."

Lily's doorbell rang. Alice went downstairs and escorted Lily's lawyer up the stairs. Albus Dumbledore wore a purple lilac suit and his half-moon glasses slid down his crooked nose when he found the small party upstairs. His eyes swept over the papers spread around the apartment and when his gaze fell on Lily, he gave a slight smile.

"Bit of light reading?"

Lily stood up to motion around the kitchen and sitting area, "we've got a problem."

"What's the problem?" Albus put down his briefcase on top of some of the papers, "you sounded frantic on the phone."

"Albus," Lily pressed her fingers to her temple, "Peter's been hiding stuff from me."

Lily explained what was going on. Samantha confirmed everything Lily was saying. James backed up the claims with the papers. Albus went over all the content, paying close attention to the parts that Samantha had highlighted.

"Albus what can we do?" Lily asked after a half hour of silence from her lawyer, "how did this happen without my knowing?"

"This old contract, it has your signature." Albus pointed, "recognize those?"

Lily looked where he was pointing. She recognized the photocopied paper immediately. It was her contract for Marauders Records. She'd signed it happily after Peter had gotten her out of Greater Goods Entertainment. What she hadn't seen when she signed it, was Tom Riddle's signature in the spot for the CEO signature. It had been empty when she signed, and Lily had always figured Peter's signature was added afterwards.

"They played you," James said from behind Lily, "Peter made you think you weren't Greater Good's little barbie doll. He got you to join his fancy new record company and Riddle never lost a cent because he funded the start up."

Lily turned to look at James in bewilderment, "how do you know that?"

James lifted a piece of paper, "this is the startup check."

Lily stood there shaking.

She was done being manipulated.

She was over the pain of betrayal.

She was over Peter Pettigrew.

Everyone watched as Lily stomped over to her slippers and pulled them on. Frank stared at her oddly as she drew her hair up into a bun. Lily glanced at the clock; it was half past one in the morning, but she wasn't about to calm down.

"Where are you going?" Samantha asked, flabbergasted, as Lily grabbed a scarf from the edge of one of the chairs.

"To Peter's flat." Lily said ominously, "I need to have a chat with him."

They all watched as Lily stomped around to various supplies. James seemed to realize Lily was serious and he started pulling on his own jacket.

"I'll go make sure she doesn't kill Pettigrew and end up in jail."

Frank pinched the bridge of his nose, "James no, then you'll end up in jail."

"I'm going to make sure _you both_ don't end up in jail." Alice stood up from her spot, "Frank, watch the flat."

Alice got Lily's private car, honking when she was out front. It was so late that no one was standing outside of the apartment and Lily was able to sneak into the car unseen. James sat beside her. Lily was shaking so hard that it was difficult to appreciate James' thumb rubbing up and down her palm. Alice followed Lily's directions. When they parked in front of the large building, Lily paid the valet to take the car. She led the way to Peter's fancy flat on the upper floors of the building.

Lily pounded on his door and when it opened, Peter tried to close it again. James blocked it immediately with his hand, pushing the door open. Peter stepped back, wrapping his silk black dress robe around his large belly. He looked scared, for good reason.

"I hope you're here to apologize," Peter said, stupidly, to Lily.

James deadpanned from behind Lily, "just let me know if you want me to taze him, Red."

Lily ignored James and shoved her finger into Peter's chest irritably, "You rat!"

"What are you going on about now?" Peter rolled his eyes, pushing her finger away.

"Greater Goods Entertainment!" Lily shouted and Peter flinched, "Three years ago you got me out of that company, swearing Marauders Records was going to be different! You swore Tom Riddle would never touch me or my music again!"

Peter sniveled, "and he hasn't bothered you!"

"Oh no," Lily barked a sarcastic laugh, "but why would he, when you're paying him portions of your earnings of _my _success?"

Peter puffed out his chest, "well-you're just-that's simply wrong."

"We have the contracts, Pettigrew." Alice said coolly from behind Lily, "one of your own employees ratted you out."

"Who?" he sputtered.

"One of the interns you fired." James said, "seems you pissed off a lot of people, Peter."

"Do you have any idea how I feel right now?"

Lily shoved Peter back into his entry way, stepping closer and making Peter grab one of his umbrellas for protection. James drew Lily back defensively, shoving her in-between his body and Alice's.

"You hit her with that, Pettigrew," James threatened darkly, "I'll make sure you can't use that arm for much else."

Peter looked around at the three intruders. Lily, who was red faced and ready to kill, wasn't even the most menacing. James towered over Peter and looked one more word away from breaking Peter's nose. Lily wouldn't stop him either. Peter deserved as much.

"Admit it!" Lily prompted Peter from behind James' protective stance, "you've been in Tom Riddle's pocket since day one!"

"Of course, I have!" Peter exploded irritably, "who do you think got me the internship at _Sing It!_ all those years ago? Riddle controls everyone and everything in this industry Evans!"

"No," Lily snarled, "he doesn't control me."

"He _owns_ you." Peter got up in her face and James pushed Peter back roughly, "he put that crown on your head, and he can take it off!"

"He can take the crown; I don't want it!" Lily came around James to grab the end of Peter's protective umbrella, "I want nothing to do with him and nothing to do with you!"

Peter balked, "you don't mean that."

"I do mean that." She said, "I'm not resigning with Marauders Records and you can bet your arse I'm taking both of you to court over this."

"You won't win!" Peter cried.

"Watch me!"

"You have no idea the power he possesses!" Peter said, "Ask yourself, Lily! What would you have done if he offered you everything you wanted and threatened to take away everything you cared about?"

"I would've walked away!" Lily snapped, "I would've run, rather than let that bigoted arse have any say in my life!"

"You would've never made it to where you are today without Riddle pulling strings behind the scenes!"

"Fuck you! And fuck Riddle!" Lily felt spit fly from her mouth as she yelled, "I would've made it just fine even without you discovering me in that pub!"

Peter struggled against Lily's grasp on his umbrella. Lily blinked coolly once, twice and then she let go of the umbrella. Peter leaned against the umbrella like it was a walking cane. He was red in the face from all his yelling. Lily felt anger flaring in every pore in her body.

"I made you who you are!" Peter snapped at her.

"I made my own way!"

No one stopped Lily from slapping Peter across his face. Peter grasped, holding his cheek where her hand had left a stinging red mark even brighter than his blush. Lily looked him up and down with disgust. Peter lunged at her, but James and Alice stepped to her side. James was holding out a taser. Alice had her gun. Peter stopped mid-stride, eyeing both her bodyguards with great dislike.

Lily turned on her heel, "see you in court, arsehole."

Alice turned too, but James wasn't as quick to let Peter be. Peter reached out to grab Lily's arm. James hit Peter's hand and Peter retracted his grip.

"Don't you dare touch her."

"You!" Peters eyes flashed at James pointedly, "this is all your fault, Potter!"

"No," James grabbed Lily hand, "this was all _your_ fault."

Peter followed them out the door in his robe, shouting after their retreating forms, "you won't always have your bodyguards to protect you, Evans! I'll get you back for this! I can destroy you!"

Lily stopped, forcing James and Alice to stop as well. Slowly, Lily turned to regard Peter with a bold stare. Peter looked pathetic, standing in the hallway in nothing but his silk bathrobe. His hair, what little he had left, was warped around his forehead. It was a sad sight, seeing him so broken that he'd resorted to threatening her.

"Go ahead," Lily said smoothly, "destroy me."

"You'll lose everything!" Peter's eyes were wildly, "fame, riches and your recording deal!"

"I don't care about that stuff." Lily tilted her head at Peter, "I've already got everything I've ever wanted."

Lily placed her free hand on James' shoulder and looked up at him with a content smile. James tossed an arm around her shoulder and kissed her forehead before he turned her away from Peter who stood there fumbling over words.

"Come on lovebirds," Alice muttered to Lily and James after shooting Peter a rude hand gesture, "let's get out of here."

Lily took James' hand in her own and kissed his fingers as they walked back into the elevator. Despite everything, in that moment, Lily felt a sense of relief. She didn't feel like she was being pressured from every direction because now, for the first time in a long time, she was calling the shots.

A part of her was sad that Peter had turned into a double-crossing rat. She'd spent so many years at his side, loving him and defending him. She should've known Peter was trouble the minute he walked into her life at fourteen, but the problem was that Lily tried to find the good in everyone and sometimes that goodness backfired. In fairy tales the bad guy was very easy to spot. The bad guy was always wearing a black cape, so the hero knew who to trust. Of course, in real life, the bad guy was not as easy to find. The bad guy wasn't wearing a black cape and he wasn't easy to spot; he was really caring, and he came to family birthdays, and he had a charisma that preceded his reputation.

"Are you okay?" James asked as they got back into the car.

Lily nodded firmly, "I will be."

When they got back to the flat, Dumbledore was long gone with photocopies of the documents in his hands. Samantha was still there, she was sitting at the table when Lily, Alice and James entered the kitchen. Frank looked up from where he was washing dishes in the sink. Alice walked over to her husband and hugged him tightly. Lily hugged James as she surveyed the papers all over the kitchen.

She should be furious, so mad that she was screaming from the rooftops. Peter had betrayed them all, including Lily's friends and family. Samantha was out of a job; James was being forced to make a premature career change and Lily's father was going to have to take back over as manager. Peter had single-handedly fucked up more than one person's life when he'd started playing roulette with Tom Riddle. Lily could only imagine all the lives Peter and Riddle had ruined, but she wasn't going to be another victim in their long list of traitors. Yeah, Lily ought to be mad, but she knew that sometimes life was better just by letting someone go.

The worst part of letting go of Peter, was Lily realizing that she'd lost herself along the way. She'd let Peter dress her up like a paper doll and accepted whatever costume he'd thrown her way. She'd lost the fighting drive she'd had her whole life because Peter had made her believe that she was dependent upon him. He took advantage of her after Manchester and she'd just sat back and let it happen, becoming his puppet.

Then James had come into her life, waking her back up from the nightmare. James was the opposite of Peter, always pushing her to fight. He wanted her to be her own hero and not need anyone. James' plan backfired when she realized she needed him, and he realized he needed her. They made each other better, stronger and happier. There was nothing wrong with that, but Peter had clearly felt threatened by James' influence.

So, Lily lost Peter.

But she found herself, and somehow that was everything.


	20. Sad Beautiful Tragic

Despite feeling like she'd finally won the nightmares didn't stay away. They built up through the night, starting with her brain replaying her mother dying and then moving on to horrible dreams of losing other people like Petunia, James and Sirius until she was all alone. As she grew more alone, the nightfall settled into her brain and she was suddenly back on the Manchester stage. Smoke swirled around her vision and silhouettes rose through the smoke like ghosts. She asked who was there, she demanded they show themselves and she regretted when they did appear. The solid forms of Peter Pettigrew, Tom Riddle and Severus Snape circled her with perilous looks that chilled her to the bone. Lily screamed at them to go away, but they just got closer. She heard her heart race quicken in her chest and she felt like she'd run a whole marathon.

Then, they jumped at her at wolves pouncing on prey.

Lily bolted awake in the darkness of her bedroom, sweating and panting. Beside her, James sat up too, doing so quickly after feeling her jolt awake. He sleepily reached across the bed, his hands cupping her face. She leaned into his soothing touch, keeping her eyes wide open so she wouldn't close them and see her night terrors again. Her were shaking as she reached up to feel his own heartbeat.

"Sorry," she said, "I didn't mean to wake you."

"What's wrong?" James asked, "are you okay?"

She shook against his hold, "just another nightmare."

James sighed deeply and pulled his hands down to her shoulders until he had a proper grip to pull her into a firm hug. She fell into his hold, her face pressed against his chest. The room was black, the only light coming through the cracks in the blackout curtains across the room. Lily's fingers played against his chest; her gaze forlorn into the desolate oblique status of her room.

"I was back in Manchester." Lily explained, "and they were all there. Peter. Riddle. That boy from Manchester. They wanted to hurt me."

James kissed the top of her head before saying, "I won't let them hurt you."

Lily shifted in his arms, "I just worry about what they're going to do to me once they scheme together."

James nodded against her, "I know, but you need to sleep."

They settled back against the pillows, James keeping a tight grip on her. His fingers raked through her red hair. Lily calmed you the sound of his rhythmic breathing.

"What's on your schedule today?" James asked.

Lily shrugged and moved out of his arms only for a second to grab her phone from the bed stand. The phone light bathed both their faces in a white synthetic light that made them blink wearily. She had messages from friends back in California, but she ignored them as she flicked open her calendar. Lily looked at the schedule for the day, relieved to find it was mostly empty.

"I have an interview tonight." She said, "and I've got to call my dad, he still doesn't know what's going on."

"He's going to be so mad." James pulled her closer, "plus you'll need a new manager."

Lily frowned, "I know."

James played with her hair a moment longer before he said, "what if you hired Samantha?"

"As my manager?" Lily turned so that she was partially facing James in the darkness, "you think?"

"I mean she's been working for Peter," James reasoned, "so she probably has a good handle on your things already."

James had a solid point when concerning her best options. Samantha had spent almost a year under Peter Pettigrew's nose. She's likely been doing a lot of the dirty work for Peter since he'd been too busy making deals with Tom Riddle behind closed doors. Still, Lily didn't know if Samantha would even be open to helping manage Lily's life. It's not like Lily was an easy person to manage with her constant place in the tabloids.

"I'll ask her to come over tomorrow," Lily said softly, "but I was going to ask my dad to take over for the time being."

James brushed his fingers along her cheek, "I don't think your dad would be open to taking Peter's place and Samantha wants that job, she told us herself."

"You're right." Lily drew her knees up, "either way, I need a new manager."

"I just hope your lawyer finds a way to sue Pettigrew." James' tone changed with his resounding anger over the situation Lily had found herself in.

"Me too."

Lily's lawyer Albus had promised Lily that he was going to go through the entire document pile that Samantha had found. Albus was determined to find a way for Lily to sue Greater Goods Entertainment and subsequently, Peter Pettigrew. They'd tricked her in her most vulnerable time, as a kid. Now, as an adult they'd tried again when they saw how unwilling she was to fight anything. Lily was an easy target for them because she'd stopped questioning everything and anything to avoid her anxiety attacks. Lily had almost handed Riddle and Pettigrew another five albums of her life.

James, Lily and Sirius spent the day working together to pull together Lily's bank accounts, shut down her website and rearranged her interviews before the _Piper_ premiere. Samantha was over at Lily's flat two days later, helping Lily sort through hundreds of emails and details that Peter used to control at his office. Samantha was more than willing to help, citing that she'd been doing the same thing as his intern.

"Thank you again for helping," Lily told Samantha over lunch, "I couldn't possibly pass this all off to my dad, he's never managed any of my business. My mum was always the one who did it before Peter took over."

"It's the least I can do." Samantha promised Lily, stirring her salad with her fork, "I feel bad that Peter told you guys that I put out that photograph."

"Hey," Lily nudged Samantha politely with her foot, "don't worry about it, Peter lied to a lot of us."

Samantha smiled a toothless smile, "I still feel like I need to help you sort all this stuff out, since he was kind of a dick."

Lily quirked her eyebrow at Samantha, "kind of?"

"Okay, he was a dick." Samantha laughed and Lily laughed along with her, "but still, I want to help."

Lily tilted her head at Samantha wonderingly and opened her mouth, only to close it again. Samantha noticed her weird stare and put down her fork, sending Lily a similarly jumbled stare.

"What?" Samantha asked.

Lily put down her burrito and leaned her elbows onto the table, "Samantha, how would you like to take over as my manager and help me manage some of this stuff?"

Samantha's eyes were wider than dinner plates, "what?"

"Come on," Lily urged, motioning to the laptops they'd set aside, "you clearly know what you're doing, and I like hanging out with you. I'd pay you well and you can have holidays off—"

"You—_you_ want me to be your manager?" Samantha brushed her braids back from her face, "as in _your_ manager? Lily Evans."

Lily laughed at Samantha's disbelief, "yeah, if that sounds like something you'd be open too."

"Yes!" Samantha put her hands on her cheeks, "one hundred percent, yes!"

James entered the kitchen as the girls hugged and he put down the cat, which he'd been carrying from upstairs. Juniper raced out of the room, likely going to hide herself away. Sirius followed right behind James, wearing a swim trucks and clearly on his way to the pool.

"What's going on?" Sirius asked as James settled on top of the countertop closest to the girls.

"You're looking at my new manager," Lily told James and Sirius, "Samantha took the job!"

James looked between the two girls before saluting Samantha, "here's to a new job, Samantha, cheers!"

Sirius stuck out his hand to Samantha, "atta, girl!"

Samantha shook Sirius' hand, grinning wide, "thanks, Mr. Black."

"As my manager," Lily said, taking Samantha's hand again, "I relinquish you from ever having to formally address me or my family ever again."

"Of course." Samantha snickered nervously before adding earnestly, "And I _promise_ I'll do a good job! I won't fail you! I'll run everything by you, no shady contracts or records deals. I won't make you go to stupid Halloween parties dressed as a stupid Princess. Everything is your say, like it always should've been."

"Be careful giving Lily too much freedom." Sirius said, playfully hip checking Lily, "she likes to find trouble."

Samantha shook her head, "she won't be any trouble at all."

"Until the eventual court case when I'm sure Peter will try to defame her." Sirius said with a roll of his grey eyes.

"Let him try," James said, "I've met her fans, trust me when I tell you that Lily could kill the man and her fans would defend her in court."

"I do have the best fans in the world." Lily hummed, grabbing her burrito, "speaking of which, I need to go on tumblr…"

"Tumblr?" James and Samantha asked in unison.

Lily pulled out her bedazzled phone, "I'd like to tell my fans what's going on, so that way they don't feel blindsided when no album comes out after _Piper_."

"I think that's a good idea," Samantha said, "most of your fanbase looks to you when something goes awry. This will eliminate the possibility of the media to get ahold of the story first and twisting it."

"That's what I think too," Lily pulled up the application and started typing.

_For the last couple of years, I worked with Peter Pettigrew under his record label called Marauders Records. Yesterday, I walked away from Marauders Records despite my previous promise to release a new album with them by the end of the year. You see, I was blindsided. Peter Pettigrew never owned Marauders Records as the company was funded through Greater Goods and Entertainment. Most of you will recall I announced I had left Greater Goods Entertainment right after my second album came out. Since day one, Peter led me to believe that Tom Riddle (the owner of Greater Goods Entertainment) had no part in my future as a recording artist. This was a lie. I found evidence Peter was working for Tom Riddle the whole time. Riddle is a man who relentlessly bullied me and my friends from Sing It! to get whatever he wanted. Essentially, my musical legacy is about to remain in the hands of someone who tried to dismantle my career when I challenged his._

_This is my worst-case scenario. This is what happens when you sign a deal at seventeen to someone for whom the term 'loyalty' is clearly just a contractual concept. He called me an asset, in his paperwork, not even bothering to call me by my name. When I left Greater Good Records to join Marauders Records, I made peace with the fact that Tom Riddle owned my first album. Never in my worst nightmares did I imagine that Peter and Tom were keeping me dangling on a string between them like a puppet. He knew what he was doing; they both did._

_I currently don't have a label. I don't know if I'll be able to find a record company or feel comfortable signing with one after being betrayed by someone I had once counted as family. I want to give you guys my new album, Fearlessly Red, as soon as possible. All of the songs are so personable and telling of the last year and a half. You deserve to have this next chapter, but I refuse to let my story be used and distributed by someone who doesn't even care about it. I hope you can forgive me for having to take a step away in order to evaluate what comes next._

_I want to say to all the young women out there, there are going to be people along the way who try to undercut your success or take credit for your accomplishments and your fame, But if you just focus on the work and you don't let those people sidetrack you, some day when you get where you're going, you'll look around and you will know that it was you and the people who love you who put you there and that will be the greatest feeling in the world._

_All my love,_

_Lily_

James, Sirius, Alice, Frank and Samantha all read the post before Lily clicked 'post' and started the revolution. After only ten minutes, her post had gone viral. It was being placed on every platform and Samantha was having a hard time keeping up on her laptop. They were cheering as other celebrities tweeted in support of Lily, including other artists on Marauders Records. Everyone was livid that Peter had tricked his artists into believing they were in an independent label. Slowly, it became clear that everyone in Marauders Records supported Lily.

"_#standwithLilyEvans_ is trending on facebook and twitter!" Samantha said excitedly.

James cracked his knuckles, "If this doesn't get Pettigrew and Riddle fired up, nothing will."

"They already released a statement."

Lily looked at the phone to read the statement from Greater Goods Entertainment.

_As Lily Evans' partner for almost a decade, we were shocked to see her tumblr statements yesterday based on false information. Since Lily's decision to resign with Marauders Records last fall, we have continued to honor all of her requests to hold back due to personal mental issues._

_The truth is, Lily has lied to not knowing her contract was predominantly owned by Greater Goods Records. We have worked diligently to have a conversation about these matters with Lily to productively move forward. However, despite our persistent efforts to find a private and mutually satisfactory solution, Lily made a unilateral decision to enlist her fanbase in a calculated manner that greatly affects the safety of our employees and their families._

_Lily, the narrative you have created does not exist. All that we ask is to have a direct and honest conversation. When that happens, you will see there is nothing but respect, kindness and support waiting for you on the other side. We share the collective goal of giving your fans the entertainment they both want and deserve._

_-Greater Goods Entertainment_

"What fucking arses." Sirius said, "I can't believe this!"

"I can." Samantha said, "they're the bad guys and everyone knows it, Marauders Records and Greater Goods stock dropped dramatically in the last hour since Lily's post."

Sirius looked at Lily who was overwhelmed by everything, "Lily?"

"Yeah?" she looked up at her best friend, "what?"

Sirius licked his lips, "I'm quitting."

"Sirius!"

"I'm not going to produce for them!" Sirius defended himself, "I'll talk with some friends in LA about a new producing job, okay? But I'm not working for these arseholes."

Lily felt her lower lip wobble and she hugged Sirius firmly, "Love you, Sirius."

"Love you too," Sirius hugged her back, "I can't wait for you to get the best of Pettigrew and Riddle."

For once, the world was on Lily's side and Lily was ecstatic. She'd taken a stand against her users and won public recognition. They celebrated with champagne by the pool, laughing and toasting to real friends. Sirius left first, having to catch a flight to Los Angeles. Mary came by the flat around five, right after Samantha left with a little pep to her step.

Mary had designed a gorgeous gown for the Piper premiere, the colors mixing like a dark sunset. Mary did the last-minute finishing touches on the dress, taking long enough that everyone else in the house had gone silent. Lily knew James was upstairs in bed, waiting for her. Frank was downstairs watching the cameras. Juniper had long since disappeared, likely in Lily's bathtub upstairs.

By the time Mary left after deeming the dress ready for the premiere, Lily was aching to go to bed. She climbed up the stairs quickly, passing Frank and only waving to her night guard sleepily instead of initiating a conversation. Lily slipped into the bedroom to find James leaned over on the bed, scrolling through something. He looked up when she came in and he gave a soft smile, clicking his phone off.

"Hey Red."

"You're going to love the premiere dress." Lily told him, taking her robe off and hanging it on the closed door, "Mary outdid herself this time."

"Better than the big bird dress?" James quipped.

"It's strapless," Lily said, "and it's the color of the leaves in Lake Placid."

She realized he wasn't actually listening, he was staring at his knee, where the bands connected his prosthetic to his body. Lily tilted her head at him and purposefully slipped her hand onto her hip. He still didn't look up when she locked the door behind her.

"I asked Mary to make you a suit." She said, when he continued to remain quiet.

That made him look up, hazel eyes wide, "a suit?"

"Alice is going to be my guard that night," Lily explained, taking her hair from its bun, "and you're going to the _Piper _premiere as my date."

"As your date?"

"Well its finally official that we're dating so you can go with me, as my boyfriend."

He reached out his arms for her, "come here."

Lily did as he asked, walking over to the bed only to end up straddling him and pressing her nose to his, "why are you so quiet?"

"I just keep thinking about how confident and stunning my girlfriend is." He kissed her, making her melt.

She pulled back to beam at him, "so, movie premiere?"

James touched her cheek, "your boyfriend's a little rough around the edges for a move premiere, don't you think?"

"Rough around the edges," she scoffed, kissing him smoothly and soundly, "you're soft to me."

He hummed against her mouth, leaning back and bringing her down with him. He was soft, she wasn't lying. He kissed her with the lightest of movements, his fingers dancing across her bare arms like she was made of porcelain. Lily tried to deepen the kiss, but he turned them so that she was forced to slide off him. He kept his nose close to hers, clearly not done.

She touched his jaw tenderly, "I want you to have a normal date night with me, not as my bodyguard, but as my boyfriend who I love more than anything."

"Are you sure?" James muttered, "I don't want to take away from your magical Disney Princess premiere."

"You there at my side will make it even more magical." Lily swore, "I want you there more than anyone else."

James kissed her again, this time smiling against her mouth. Lily felt his body shift and she was under him, a position she'd rarely found herself in while snogging James. She wasn't complaining, loving feeling his weight settle into her. Lily's leg slid against the metal of his prosthetic and the temperature change made goosebumps raise on her skin as they kissed. His hands buried into her red hair, using the leverage to guide her mouth against his.

"Do you want to know the hardest thing about loving you?" he whispered against her mouth, his fingers sinking against the back of her neck.

"What?" she asked, "my love for Ramen as a primary food group?"

"The hardest thing was feeling like I was not allowed to love you." James said, tucking her hair behind her ear, "It was hard enough in the beginning when we first met. I spent endless nights lying awake, hoping and praying that you'd love me back. Then when you did love me..._fuck_…I got so scared you'd change your mind. Sometimes, I'm still scared you'll change your mind."

"I won't ever change my mind." She hummed, kissing along his jaw, "so don't worry about that."

"Are you positive?" he pulled back almost enough that he shifted off her, the exact opposite of what she wanted.

She glared intentionally at James, "what's wrong?"

James shrugged, his hands leaving her hair to prop himself over her, "nothing."

"Nothing," she scoffed, "somethings wrong."

James leaned down, pressing his forehead against hers, "I guess I'm feeling a bit self-conscious, to be honest."

Lily tucked her hands into him, "what, why?"

James touched her face with one hand, "just one of those days where I wonder why you picked me."

Lily frowned, realizing he was doubting himself again and she had no idea why he'd do that. Lily sat up and James followed her, like she was gravity. Lily climbed up higher on his lap once he was sitting, her hands grabbing his cheeks and forcing him to keep his eyes on her. She searched his gaze for the answer to his sudden relapse into himself. She kissed him softly, slowly, savoring each movement of his lips against her own. When she pulled back, she kept him close by with her fingers.

"Why not you?" she whispered, "why do you never believe me when I tell you that I don't want anyone else?"

"I think I can make you understand." James touched her face tenderly, "wait here?"

"Yeah."

She was sad that James had to untangle himself from her grasp. She watched as James walked out of her room and into the old room, the one he used to sleep in. He came back in with the little notebook she'd seen over two months before. It was still worn and drawn over in black and blue pen. James sat down on the edge of her bed and handed her the notebook. Lily eyed James thoughtfully before opening the little notebook to the first page.

_Dear Remus,_

_It's been two months _ _since you_ _ since we last saw each other. The counselor lady told me whenever I feel sick or…wrong…I should write you three good things that happened._

_1\. Today I got into the bath without help._

_2\. Today I ate sitting up in the bed._

_3\. Today I was moved back to England for intensive care._

_I don't even know why I'm doing this...it's not like you can read it._

_It's not like it'll bring you back._

_James_

Lily furrowed her brow and looked up at James in wonder, "is this you?"

James nodded, reaching over to flip to a new page, "I've been writing letters to Remus almost every night since that first page. Look, here's where I got the prosthetics…"

_Dear Remus,_

_Three good things for today:_

1\. _The docs fitted me with a gel insert for the prosthetic, it doesn't hurt as much now when I run with Annie._

2\. _I didn't black out at all this week, but I still have nightmares if I don't take the drugs they gave me. Old McGonagall said the nightmares probably won't ever go away, but they'll fade with time._

3\. _I had a good late birthday dinner with your mum. I slipped some of my stipend into her purse after dinner. It wasn't too much, but she'll probably still notice. I'll just play dumb._

_James_

Lily's fingers traced the ink, the indentations left by a James Potter she'd never known.

_Dear Remus,_

_I'm running!_

_Well, in a pool._

_I'm working up to land. _

_I wish you were here…_

He wrote with the same heartbreak she'd first experienced as a writer.

_Dear Remus,_

_Today was Christmas. _

_I did fifty push-ups. _

_Your mum invited me over for dinner and, shocker, she didn't burn the mince pie. _

_I miss you._

Everything was so candid and special and unique. It was all James.

_Dear Remus,_

_Four good things today. _

_I was discharged from the veteran hospital. _

_Annie's wife Clara baked me vegan cookies. _

_Minerva helped me move into my new little flat in London _

_and d'you know what? As she was leaving…she called me a hero. _

Lily wiped a tear from her eye as she delved further into his notes. James sat beside her, reading along with her, fiddling nervously with the bedspread. Lily felt like she was getting an inside look to how James operated and even though she'd gotten to know him almost inside and out…reading the pages was a new intimate feeling within itself. When Lily got to the year and month they'd met, she felt herself growing edgy.

_Dear Remus,_

_Three more good things about life._

_I saw Frank Longbottom for the first time in years._

_I pet a dog, a big black lab, this morning on my run._

_I might just have a real job soon._

_I miss you._

Lily flipped the page and her heart dropped in her throat when she saw her name in the corner note.

_Dear Remus,_

_I know I normally write about good things but at my new job tonight something happened. I was being security for this famous singer and a kid let this homemade bomb go off trying to get on stage. It wasn't even as bad as the roadsides we used to see but it's like my whole body just froze, and then, all of a sudden, I was back there again. I was with you again._

_I hesitated long enough that the girl, Lily Evans, could've been killed. I managed to get her off stage while my coworkers named Alice took care of the crazy stalker fan, but I still feel stupid for hesitating._ _Minerva talked me down the rest of the night but it's 3am and I had to go for a run. It didn't help._

_Three good things._

1\. _I have a job that pays well_

2\. _I met a pop star and I think she might hate me_

3\. _She smelled really nice?_

Lily looked up, the tears falling from her eyes as she chuckled, "you thought I hated you?"

He flushed, "Why are you laughing?"

She sniggered through her tears, "I thought _you_ hated _me_!"

"Impossible."

He laughed too, tears flickering in his own eyes as he pressed his lips to hers. Lily only kissed him back for half a second, tearing herself away to read more of James' letters to Remus. She was savoring each one.

_Dear Remus,_

_1._ _Started my official job as Lily Evans' bodyguard_

_2._ _I got a care package with new shoes from Annie and her wife Clara._

_3._ _I talked to Minerva today and we're going to have dinner next week_

Lily looked up at James, feeling so in touch with him. She glanced back down at the book hungrily, eager for more of their story from his perspective. Her fingers traced along the edges of the paper as she drank in every word.

_Dear Remus,_

_She's not what I expected when I started. She's got everything in the world at her fingertips, but she acts so scared of living. Yesterday, a bird hit the window and I saw her jump off the sofa. She tried to pretend like nothing was wrong. I think she pretends a lot._

_Three good things:_

_1._ _I have my own room and it comes with a walk-in shower which means no more tripping over a tub to take a shower._

_2._ _The sunsets here are gorgeous and remind me of Godric's Hollow_

_3._ _I got my first real paycheck and paid off my credit card so I'm out of debt again_

"James this is so..." Lily whispered, "God…I wish I'd known you understood me so quickly."

James' neck flushed, "I just had a hunch."

Lily flipped to the next page.

_Dear Remus,_

_This woman eats absolutely nothing but Ramen noodles and chocolate sweets. _

_I think you'd like her a lot._

She laughed again and looked at the next page. James was rubbing her back as she read through his diary. She loved all the little pieces of James that shone through the writing.

_Dear Remus,_

_I found her eating chocolate pudding in the middle of the night in her underwear. I asked her why she didn't have a cook. She said she wants her privacy. I think I might like her more than I should since I'm her bodyguard. It's foolish to even think about. Someone like her could never love someone like me. She's all glitter and dresses and private jets. I'm just a broken solder who has to write to his best friend…who'd dead…I think I should call Minerva. I'm slipping back into a depressive mood and I can't afford to lose myself around her. I have to keep her safe._

Lily continued flipping through the letters, finding some more emotional than others.

_Dear Remus,_

_I think she might have PTSD like me but Lily's so much better at managing it than I am. I lay in bed and hear her screaming her bloody lungs out sometimes. At least she's brave enough to fall asleep. Half the time I don't like going to sleep because I hate being alone._

Lily looked at James in wonderment and he tilted his head at her, "What?"

"I hated sleeping alone too." She swallowed back her emotions, "I hated being alone."

_Dear Remus,_

_I went running this morning and I can officially say that running on sand is hard as fuck. You'd absolutely love it of course. I wish you could see Malibu. The mansions are a sparkling array of wealth spread along the coastline. Lily's prick of a boyfriend showed up and then left promptly. She's cried almost every night. I want to talk to her, but I know it's not my place. Frank says her boyfriends have always been the type to only show up on their terms. I wonder why she doesn't see she deserves so much better._

"I told you." Lily said, grabbing his hand and pulling it to her lips for a kiss, "you're so much better for me than anyone or anything."

James leaned forward to press a kiss to her temple.

_Dear Remus,_

_She's drinking like I did right after I lost mum and dad. I know it's not my place to say anything to her but it's getting harder and harder. Lily thinks I regret getting assigned to her. I suppose that's good; it means she can't tell how utterly mad I am about her laugh…or her eyes…her in general. She also snores. A lot._

Lily smacked his arm, "I don't snore!"

James snickered and pressed his forehead to her shoulder, "you _do_ though."

"I do not!"

She would've kept arguing but more entries had caught her eye.

_Dear Remus,_

_1._ _I heard her singing again and she really does have the voice of an angel._

_2._ _She wrote a new song on the piano_

_3._ _Frank said it's the first time she's written anything in months_

_4._ _There are still bottles lining her kitchen and I don't know if I know her well enough to intervene yet, but I'm about to try._

Lily pointed to that entry and nudged James with her elbow to look, "I have the voice of an angel? That's it? Nothing about the lyrics?"

James laughed at her attitude, "sorry, did you want a full critique?"

"Preferably."

"I'll need another eight hundred pages then."

She laughed then she continued her journey through James' book, which was retelling their love story with each entry.

_Dear Remus,_

_1._ _Frank and Moody are worried about how close Lily and I have grown but Lily's not because Lily even requested that I go to the Emmy's with her._

_2._ _She's been a little quiet the last few days...I'm happy I'll be able to keep a close eye on her that night._

_3._ _I beat my own PR running on the beach this morning!_

"James these are amazing." Lily whispered as she read through the notes, "can I use some of these for lyrics?"

James itched his head, "lyrics? From this?"

Lily nodded, "some of these are so poetic."

_Dear Remus,_

_I can't do three good things today. I tried. Lily saw my prosthetic. I don't know if I could tell her what happened. Missing you like this is hard enough. I told Lily about my nightmares. I think, the more I open up to her, the more she opens up to me. I'm going to get her a chocolate milkshake on my break. Those were your favorite when you were having a bad day. Lily reminds me so much of you Remus. It's almost like you're here sometimes when I'm talking to her. It's getting harder to resist her clear need for friendship and guidance. I want her and Minerva to talk but Sirius is worried Minerva will sell Lily's personal stories to the media. I just have to earn their trust. Once they trust me, I might be able to talk them into trusting Minerva. Until then, I'm going to take what I learned from Minerva and Annie…and I'm going to help her. She needs someone to help her._

James pointed to the next entry, "this is my favorite."

_Dear Remus,_

_1._ _Lily took me to Disneyland with her._

_2._ _I won against her in astro-blasters and after I won, I wanted to kiss her_

_3._ _She thinks I'm perfect._

_4._ _She saw my prosthetic and knows about my nightmares_

_5._ _but she thinks I'm perfect._

"I do think you're perfect." She remarked, kissing his cheek, "don't forget it."

_Dear Remus,_

_Three good things:_

_1._ _I slept through my first thunderstorm_

_2._ _Lily broke up with Roosevelt officially_

_3._ _Lily said she needed me_

_Three not-so-great things:_

_1._ _I only slept through the thunderstorm because Lily was next to me in the bed_

_2._ _The whole world thinks Lily cheated on Steven Roosevelt with me_

_3._ _Lily doesn't want someone like me_

Lily pointed out the entry, "see this is where you're wrong."

"Am I?" James asked, truly interested.

Lily scooted closer to him, pressing her head to his, "this book just solidifies the fact we're meant for each other."

"How so?"

"Don't make me get my guitar and sing every song I've ever written about you." Lily threatened, "your letters to Remus will look tame compared to what I have to say about you."

"You haven't written _that_ many songs about me." James adjusted under her gaze, "I wrote a letter every night about you."

Lily tilted her head at him in disbelief before she climbed off his lap. She went under her bed, dragging out a purple and gold box. She pulled all the papers out of it, tossing them on the bed. She sat next to James as she started reading through the lyrics she'd written for the next album. Lily placed her chin on his shoulder as she watched him pour over her hand-written lyrics like they were her own letters to Remus.

While James read her lyrics, Lily read his letters. They were both lost in each other's minds.

_Dear Remus,_

_1._ _Lily moved everyone to New York_

_2._ _We've grown even closer_

_3._ _I don't want to hope but it's comforting to know she's trying so hard to get me to give in to the sparks between us because it means that she feels them too._

_Dear Remus,_

_I told her about you. It didn't hurt as badly as it used too. I wish it didn't hurt at all. I almost told too. I almost told her how I feel. I almost told her how badly I want her when I'm alone at night. Every time I didn't tell her, I almost did. Fuck. I'm screwed._

_Dear Remus,_

_I had a nightmare. I told her I wanted her to stay with me, not just last night, but every night. I told her I didn't want to lose her. I told her if I breech my work contract it's over before we even started. She sang me to sleep. We went for cupcakes. I almost kissed her again. Twice. She keeps saying 'fuck the contract' as if the contract is the only thing holding me back. She doesn't know though; she doesn't know how wrong I think I am for her._

_And then I kissed her anyways._

_Dear Remus,_

_1._ _I can't stop kissing her. _

_2._ _I slept thought most of the night_

_3._ _We're going upstate…alone…_

_Dear Remus,_

_I'm in love with her._

_Dear Remus,_

_I've only known her seven months._

_Is it crazy I want to give up everything I worked for? _

_Is it mad that I love her so much I wouldn't hesitate to step in front of a bullet for her? _

_Is it sad that I don't think I could live in a world without her anymore?_

_Do you think it's insane that I want to marry this girl?_

Lily's fingertips traced the words that affirmed James wanted a future with her.

James wanted to marry her.

James tore her away from the book when he cleared his throat and said, "these are your best lyrics yet, Lily."

Lily leaned over his arm to see he was reading some of her more recent lyrics she'd written in the last two weeks. She smiled proudly at them, knowing they were as good as he was claiming.

"This next album," she swore, "it only exists because of you, James."

James turned his head to stare at her with wonderment, "me?"

Lily threw his journal down, climbing back onto his lap and placing a kiss wherever she could reach, "James I meant it when I said I could write a whole album about how you make me feel."

"And I could write a book on all the things you've said," he whispered, "that make me feel _human_."

James put down the handwritten lyrics and let his fingertips drag along her arms. Lily leaned into his touch, feeling as if she were in heaven as his fingers trailed a pattern on her skin. She kissed him, only for him to deepen the kiss. Papers fell to the floor as he lifted the rest of her clothes off her body. His clothes followed the trend with little time to spare as they fell into a dance that their bodies had craved since the very first time.

The paper crinkled underneath them as they settled into a dance to no music. James made Lily his own amongst the words and lyrics they'd made for each other. He touched every inch of her with a desperate need that had their bodies crashing into each other like waves to a shore. He truly was the love of her life and she didn't ever want him to forget how much he meant to her.

They fought each other for the upper hand in the attempts to worship each other. She felt like clay under his hands, which were shaping her into a passionate lover like Aphrodite. It could've lasted for hours, Lily didn't know. It was just James on her mind.

James was everywhere.

The next morning, they both went jogging through Central Park, stopping to visit the zoo with a cup of Starbucks tea afterwards. Scarves were wrapped around their necks to battle the New York winter. James held her hand as she marveled over wolves running and playing with each other in the brisk December air. Lily leaned against James for warmth and they simply enjoyed a day to themselves, Lily's only obligation being a meeting with her lawyer Albus to discuss the court case against Peter.

James accompanied her there too, even though he was technically off work. Lily was thankful for his hand to hold as Albus went over the documents page by page with Lily. Their worst fears were confirmed, and Peter had control of her past. Tom Riddle owned almost everything Lily ever made.

"Be thankful Miss Clark discovered these before you resigned with Marauders Records." Albus told Lily kindly, "or Pettigrew and Riddle would've owned your future albums too."

"So, he owns all my old ones?" Lily asked, "_Change_ and _Love Story_? _Kaleidoscope_? _Roses_? All of them?"

"Yes."

"How do I get them back?" Lily demanded, "how do I sue Pettigrew and Riddle for my rights to the masters?"

Albus rubbed his white beard uncertainly, "there's not a way, Miss Evans, you signed the contracts."

"But they tricked me!" Lily's lower lip trembled, "they stole them from me!"

She was too sad to cry but she couldn't stop shaking. All her past lyrics and hard work. Lily's entire discography was in the hands of two men who could care less about Lily or her fans. James rubbed her shoulder, whispering words of comfort as Albus showed her the legality and terms of the contracts she'd signed. By the end of her meeting with Albus, Lily was ready to go home.

The premiere was the next day and she felt like she'd gotten thirty years older in just one day. She felt stupid for trusting Peter so wholeheartedly. Lily was happy she'd gotten out of his clutches and she knew it was a new beginning, but change was scary, and she was scared.

Lily supposed that's what started her irritability. The only problem was that she hadn't realized that she wasn't the only one who wasn't dealing with her problems proactively. When she got out of the shower, she saw James was bent over his phone again. He had one hand fisted in his hair and he looked stressed. Lily didn't know why she did it, but she grabbed the phone from James.

"What are you up too?"

It was meant to be jokingly, until she glanced at the screen and saw what he'd been staring at. James stood up quickly, trying to grab his phone back from her but Lily put her hand out to pause him. She scanned the screen, flabbergasted. The other tabs were similar articles.

_Lily Evans and James Potter: Star-Crossed Lovers_

_JAMES POTTER: WHO IS HE?_

_The Bodyguard: An Analysis of Lily Evans' relationships that led her to James Potter_

Lily bit her lip as she read the article he'd currently been reading. It was by Rita Skeeter, the troll of the woman who couldn't leave well enough alone.

_It is tempting to say that the union of Jily was cooked up in a panicked publicist's office. It's tempting to say that expert breakup lyricist Lily Evans urgently needed a professional, tactical, romantical distraction. It's tempting to believe that maybe a British soldier trying to break away from war, sensed an opportunity to become something more here. Maybe those two urgent impulses led to them standing in the greenhouses in England, having a perfect kissing moment, while a person with a camera stood not so far away and took pictures._

_But—but—it is also equally possible that it was real. I mean, this happens, right? Beautiful people fall in love, don't they? And these two made a kind of sense: they were similarly earnest and tragic and broken. He had that James Dean daydream look in his eyes; she got his heart racing in her skintight jeans. Can we leave room for the notion that they fell in love?_

_A contact close to the pair say it started days after Lily Evans slapped her ex Steven Roosevelt in front of my own two eyes. Steven Roosevelt is saying Lily Evans cheated on him with the bodyguard and photos of the two at Disneyland before the #evansvelt break up certainly prove this theory. #jily ate dinner in restaurants; they traveled to England to meet her family and to Upstate New York where they were spotted snogging like teens inside a barn. But how soon till Lily Evans doesn't like how the route of the relationship is going? How long until the normativity of James Potter is no longer what the Pop Princess wants? After all, James Potter's broken, one leg down since a tour in a war zone left him crippled. Lily Evans has always been known for her taste in men, she likes them shiny and new. _

_Nothing about James Potter screams shiny or new._

Lily looked up from his phone crossly, "what the fuck are you reading this shit for?"

And she shouldn't have snapped so badly but she was tired and now, she was worried he'd actually believe the shit people were writing. It was no wonder he was so self-depreciating the night before. It was no wonder he'd fallen back into his old habits of doubting them.

"I wasn't." James muttered, taking back the phone and stuffing it in his jeans.

"Looks like you were." Lily crossed her arms, "is this why you were so sad last night?"

"Yeah."

"Why do you even—how could you believe—James this is garbage press! It's all lies!"

"I mean," James ruffled his hair, "I'm _not_ the typical man that you've dated in the past."

"I'm not the same girl I was before Manchester!" Lily said, grabbing his hand and spinning him to look at her, "James! _What_ do I have to do to make you remember I picked you? I will always pick you! I love you!"

He lifted his eyes to her face devastatingly, "I love you too."

Lily took a faltering step back, "why'd you say it like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you don't love me!"

A hard look in his eyes replaced the forlorn look, "of course I love you!"

"Then why are you sitting there believing articles from shit tabloids?" she demanded, "why are you worried about us?"

"I'm not worried about us." He said, "You know that I love you, but you've got to give me a break! I'm not from this world you are! I wasn't even looking for them—they just came up on my phone! And you're so famous and sometimes I forget that! And then the tabloids wanted to remind me that you've lived this extravagant lifestyle and I don't belong in that world, Lily!"

Lily's lower lip trembled, "reading Rita Skeeter articles won't help that!"

"She's right though," James sat on the edge of her bed, "I don't belong in the spotlight."

"Stop it, James." Lily warned, "I can't handle this right now."

James looked up at her, "then maybe you won't be able to handle it at all because that's not a feeling that will disappear overnight."

Lily pushed her fingers into her hair, annoyed, "You're being stupid, James."

"Am I?" James stood up, his own anger flaring, "am I so stupid to think you could wake up one day and want to trade me in for a richer, whole man?"

"Yes!" Lily screeched, stomping her foot like a child, "I want to wake up to you kissing me so deeply we never leave bed! One day I want to wake up to our kids making us breakfast and getting pancake batter all over the kitchen! I want to wake up with _you_ at my side forever!"

"I love you," he whispered, "but Lily, I don't want to keep you from the world you were meant to be in."

"The only world I want to be in, is a world with you in it." she said furiously, "why don't you get that?"

"I do," he whispered, "I do, Lily, I want that too, but I don't want to see you hurt."

"You're hurting me right now!" she pushed out of his arms and wiped her tears.

Suddenly, the bedroom door slammed open. James grabbed Lily and flung her behind him. James turned to face the door, finding Frank Longbottom standing there panting. Frank's face was white as a sheet. Lily grew concerned behind James' protective stance.

"Frank?"

Frank looked at James in horror, ignoring Lily, "I need your help."

Lily's heart beat fast, "What is it?"

"It's Alice," he said, "somethings wrong with the baby; I need James to drive me to the hospital to see her."

Lily sent a desolate look at James before grabbing her keys on her desk and tossing them at James, "My car is parked out front."

James held open the door for Lily and she wished she had time to say more to him, but Frank was already racing down the staircase. Lily chewed her lip as she locked the door behind her bodyguards. She wished she could go with them, but she sensed that she wasn't invited. No one wanted something like hospital visits to be overshadowed by a pop star.

Lily grabbed Juniper, forcing the cat to cuddle with her on the sofa nearest to the door. Lily flipped through tumblr while she waited but that only made her feel worse when she saw photos of her and James together. She felt guilty for snapping at him. She felt guilty for fighting with him. She just felt guilty.

James walked through the front door three hours later, his hair twisted around his face. She jumped up, dropping Juniper and her phone to the floor. Alice and Frank didn't follow James through the door.

"Alice?" she asked worriedly.

James placed the keys on the table by the door, "yeah, uhm, she lost the baby."

"No." she covered her mouth and felt tears sting her eyes.

James rubbed his neck, "I'm going to go take a shower, it's been a long night."

Lily grabbed his wrist before he could leave her completely alone, "Stay with me tonight?"

He only nodded, slipping from her grasp. That night when he climbed into bed, he didn't hold her like he usually did. They slept on opposite sides of the bed. Lily cried silently, tears slipping onto her pillow until she couldn't take it and got up to take the longest bath of her life. James and Lily hardly spoke the next morning, if only because they hardly had the chance.

Lily had three interviews that morning alone. The day was rainy, and she felt like she was back in England as she walked the New York City streets. The interviews were long and even more emotional. Everyone wanted to know what was happening with Marauders Records. Everyone wanted information on James. Everyone wanted to know everything that was happening in her life. All Lily could think about was losing her albums, feeling James hold back and that Alice had lost her child.

Lily was in hair and make-up for _Piper_ by noon. Mary stopped by around four to dress Lily in her gown. By the time the sun was sinking below the clouds it was time to go to the premiere. The glow on the dark pavement was almost golden, mixing with the dusky colors of Lily's ball gown. Her slim hands were holding her pink ruffled umbrella close to her body. It was protecting the massive amounts of make-up and expensive clothing, but Lily couldn't help but feel the umbrella added a sense of _'touch-me-and-I'll-beat-you-with-this-umbrella'_ to her already anxious expression.

Lily's famous red hair was twisted up into the nape of her long neck with hundreds of little braids forming the bun. She looked like a duskier, modern version of Juliet from Shakespeare's _Romeo and Juliet_ thanks to the dress' draping sleeves and her intricate hairstyle. She was breathtaking and if James were anything close to Prince Charming, he'd sweep her onto his white horse and ride away with her into the sunset.

It's just too bad they didn't live in a fairytale, or Lily and James might've actually had a shot at happily ever after. Some parts of their life together seemed fairytale-like, especially the parts she was trying too hard to forget. She thought of nights where his hands were trapped on her skin like she was a magnetic field. She remembered burning kisses under sheets and laughter on the New York Streets.

Lily glanced behind her to spot him staring at her like she was made of fire. He acted like if he touched her again, he might get burned. He was standing so close, but he felt so far away. James wore the suit Lily had made for him.

The tie matched Lily's dress.

It marveled Lily that James thought he would never be good enough for a Hollywood darling like her. The truth was, he looked like her soulmate even when he stood so far away. He was made up of a thousand shining little pieces that she so admired. She held on to the look he gave her, wanting to scream at him to hold her hand.

But he had to be her bodyguard tonight.

Alice and Frank were taking a few days off, to mourn. Lily couldn't blame them, but she also couldn't help but feel like James was trying so hard to stay professional because she didn't have another bodyguard besides him. She just wanted him to kiss her, love her and swear he wasn't mad about their stupid fight.

"The car is here."

His gaze was fixated on her, instead of the dark corners of his vision. Even now, he stood a little behind Lily as the car pulled in to take her to the movie premiere. His black suit faded into the blackened building behind them. Lily glowed like a goddess under the lamps on the street and he was dark, like a shadow. It was tragic, loving someone so unsure of themselves in a world built on false confidence and succulent lies. She wanted to ask him to dance right there in the rain, but she resisted, her blood still blistering from their tête-à-têtes the night before.

She still wanted his long nights when the thunder was so loud it scared both of them under the covers. She wanted to keep him laughing over French toast in the mornings and dancing to music in the afternoons. She wanted his rainy days and his sunny mornings. She wanted to have ten kids and teach them all how to dream with his sense of childlike wonder.

He was a broken man; twisted and fashioned by all the cruelties of the world.

She was a Hollywood darling; twisted and fashioned by all the treasures in the world.

Together, they made a beautiful and tragic fusion of real life and fairytale.

Lily's chin turned slightly to catch James in her gaze just as he absentmindedly ran his fingers through his hair. The car door was opened by the driver and she paused before getting in, sensing his turmoil just by looking at him through her dark lashes. He was distracted, not the best thing to be as her personal bodyguard, but he couldn't help it.

They were both lost in their own nightmares and insecurities.

The rain covered Lily's arm like dewdrops as she lowered her umbrella and closed it for James to take. His lips were pursed tightly, and Lily felt her heart go numb as the rain started coming down in sheets again. James stared up at the sky angrily, clearly mad it was raining. The rain dripped down his curly hair and onto his neck, highlighting his best features.

Damn, he was absentmindedly making Lily want him more.

Lily's hand touched James' for a few moments. She watched as he shook out the umbrella. He settled into the seat beside her in the car, shutting the car door so the limo driver could start driving down the road. She picked at her nail polish on her fingers, a tell-tale sign that she was nervous.

"I hate this city."

Her voice is harsh, stark, and a reminder of the sliver of darkness she hid from the world but never from him. James had only known Lily officially since May, but she felt like James had known her for years. James turned his head in the darkness of the car to catch Lily gazing out the window forlornly.

"Tomorrow we can go back to London." He said, "if you want."

"I don't want to go there either."

The driver was slow, navigating the busy New York City streets. Lily fiddled with her pocketbook, nervous about making an appearance when so many things had happened in the last 48 hours.

"You look beautiful tonight." James said and she flushed with pride from his admittance.

Her dress was a mixture of reds, golds, and browns. It was form fitting on the top and fairy-like on the bottom. She always liked to dress according to her emotions and the dress made Lily think of a Princess, ready for battle. The only problem was that the battle she was trying to fight, she was losing, no thanks to James' stubbornness.

Lily's hand touched her cheek, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear as she whispered, "I'd rather be in Lake Placid, with you, alone."

She was thrown back to the cabin, her hands caught up in his hair. She remembered steamy tubs, snowstorms and frayed curtains blowing in the wind. She was imagining his hazel eyes, vividly tracing her body as she pulled him headfirst into her room, fearless.

Lily turned in her seat suddenly and caught his gaze. Between them, silent words passed. She sensed his sadness, his similar feelings of regret. They both sucked at emotions sometimes. She shouldn't have pushed him. Her hand slipped across the leather seats and her fingers laced into his. They were both silent in that moment, determined to remember why they started and where they ended.

He finally plucked up the courage to speak, "I meant what I said. You look beautiful tonight, Red."

He used her nickname affectionately, trying to make up for lost time. Lily bit her lip back, something stopping her from saying anything at all. The driver took a sudden turn into the venue and she felt him drop her hand. Lily tried to grab it again, but he shook his head.

"I need to be focused." He told her, "I promise I'll never let go of your hand after tonight."

Everyone was watching as Lily flashed the cameras a smile once she got out of the limo. James slunk back in the shadows behind her. She was the sun, the center of everyone's universe while James was a star, adoring her from afar in the darkness. She radiated kindness, warmth, and love as she stopped by a barrier where her fans were shouting her name excitedly. She took a picture with as many of them as possible, her smile small.

Nobody there could guess that her smile wasn't real.

James had seen her real smile, a glowing thing that grew and grew until her cheeks were puffy and her eyes turned to slits. He had seen her smile like that many times, only for him. As she faked a smile and forced a laugh, she wished she were smiling like that now, but she was too stressed. Anxiety from firing her manager and gaining a new one in a week. Pressure from her fans to continue showing up and making music despite the betrayal of Marauders Records. Heaviness from James and his anxiety that Lily would wake up one day and not need him. She worried about her father and Lily questioned if Alice was okay. She doubted James knew how worried she was about him joining her in the world of riches and spotlights.

God, she felt like she was going to throw up.

She wished James would hold her hand.

Even now, as James walked behind her while she made her way to the main press center, her attention turned to him momentarily. Cameras flashed again, and Lily didn't catch anything but the light. She reached out to touch the hands from fans, who were begging for attention from the pop star. Lily's fellow _Piper_ actors were singing autographs fifty feet ahead. Lily took her time moving through the cameras and crowds of people screaming her name.

James has said that, in the war, during long days that seemed endless, he had imagined the many ways he could die.

A knife aimed just right.

A building that collapsed on his body.

A bomb in the streets that took more than a leg.

He contemplated all the scenarios.

He debated each possibility.

He was still young when the bomb had taken his leg and Lily knew he was just as uncomfortable as her in the crowd.

When she glanced back to check on him, James was searching the crowd with a certain intensity she credited to his own unease. Another person grabbing her hand, made her turn her attention from James. Lily smiled at the reporter kindly, waving at the camera and taking the microphone shoved into her hand. Lily wished she would've grabbed James' hand when they got out of the limo, despite what he said. She could've used his firm hold as she started a small interview for Buzzfeed.

Suddenly, someone shoved Lily into the bodies lined up on the press wall without warning. A cameraman caught Lily as she fell into red ropes and reporters all screeching in surprise from her fall. Lily was confused as she tried to rip her dress out from under the feet of the camera man who was holding her. She had hit a metal part to the barriers, and the silver edge had cut her arm open. James' voice was what made her look up from her struggle.

She had no idea that a gun was being pointed her way until she looked up and even worse, she had no forewarning that James would be the one blocking her from the bullet.

"Someone take Lily and go, I'll hold him off!"

The man behind the gun wasn't one who had mercy in his eyes. Now, a bullet was about to take the rest of James' life and turn it into a beautiful, tragic, love affair. The trigger was pulled, and the explosion was loud. The bullet hit James and he fell to the red carpet as hundreds of guards swarmed the area just as James fell.

Lily realized the glutaral scream she heard was, in fact, her own. Blood ran down her arm and seeped through his suit. It was as if the universe wanted to tell Lily that the only reason that James had lived through a war, a bomb and his leg amputation was so that he could meet Lily and save her life, only to subsequently lose her.

It was falling in love in the cruelest way.

* * *

**Next Time:**

"I still own all her previous records." Riddle let his eyes travel up and down Lily, "and mark my words, she's peaked. Nothing she ever writes will ever be as popular as her old music, which again, I own the rights to."

* * *

**I'm sure you've noticed my updating has been more sporadic and broken up than it normally is. Don't worry, this story is fully written I just have deeply personal shit happening in my life right now and fanfiction has taken a back seat. There's only one more chapter and an epilogue left of this story so there's no abandoning happening...it's just taking me a bit longer than usual to edit chapters. Please be patient. **

**All my love,**

**Petals**


	21. The Lucky One

Someone, either a camera operator, reporter or guard was holding Lily back from getting to James. He was slowly curling into himself on the ground, cursing loudly for everyone to hear. Lily lunged against her captor as security evacuated the area quickly. Underneath a large man in a police uniform, Peter Pettigrew was struggling and to reach the gun that had been knocked from his hand. Lily was screaming unintelligible words, trying to pull from whoever was holding her back. James was on the floor, clutching his lower left side in pain, blood showing on his fingernails.

"Let me go!" she screeched to her jailor, "let me go! He needs me! Let me go!"

"Medic!" another person screamed right near her ear, "we need a medic!"

"_Let me go_!"

"Please," the guard holding her said, "we have to get you out of here."

"I'm not leaving him!"

Lily broke free of her restraints, the guard's fingernails scraping into her wrist as if to try and keep her away from James. Lily stumbled on the folds of her dress, falling to the carpet alongside James. Tears stained her face as she looked to where his hands were clenching his side. Blood was seeping from the wound, clearly. Lily grabbed the edges of her gown and covered the wound with the satin folds, holding pressure onto it.

"Fuck that hurts." James grumbled wretchedly and Lily leaned forward to stare into his eyes.

She crooned, "it's going to be okay, just hold on, baby, hold on."

James nodded, but he didn't answer as he was clenching his teeth. Lily allowed herself to lean off the pressure only for a moment to press a tearful kiss to his mouth. He was shaking, either from shock or loss of blood. She knew he must be anxious, and she held onto the folds of her dress tightly as she tried to stop the bleeding.

James had once asked her, in the middle of her New York loft, if their love would be as tragic as Romeo and Juliet. It had been a joke back then but now; Lily was feeling more like Juliet than she ever had in her life. She looked up to see Peter fighting against the bonds holding him and she suddenly wished he'd gotten the chance to shoot her too, because God forbid, she'd ever have to live in a world without James.

"Don't leave me," she begged James miserably as he started closing his eyes, "I'm sorry I fought with you last night, just please don't leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere," he took a shaking breath, "Except maybe jail, when I get my bloody hands on Pettigrew."

"I'm gonna kill him."

The sound of struggle overhead caught both Lily and James' attention. Pettigrew was belligerent, struggling against the hold of two guards. He had blood on his face, and he was spewing curses as they tried to pull him away from the carpet, which was being abandoned. Camera flashes were still going off, actors were trying to get to the fallen, and children were screaming around them. Suddenly, Lily was thrust back to the Manchester concert, only this time she didn't feel petrified.

Instead, Lily felt anger surge through her system. Pettigrew ruined the premiere; he'd given nightmares to people who'd once walked life freely without fear. He'd shot the love of her life, out of spite for Lily rejecting his proposals. Lily launched up from James' side, approaching the rat-like man with vengeance in her eyes. Pettigrew saw her coming at him and he immediately squealed in fright.

"You bastard!" she reached up with a hand to hit him, only for two guards to grab her and hold her back as she screamed bloody murder at Pettigrew, "you shot him! You're a traitor! What did I ever do to you? Bastard!"

"What did you do to me?!" Pettigrew spat back unkindly, "You ruined my reputation! You destroyed my business proposals! I made you famous! I could've made you live in infamy! But you wanted to fuck a cripple and leave the industry that gave you everything! I was aiming to kill _you_! But your stupid bodyguard was in the way, as usual!"

Lily was being held back by two strong men and she couldn't break away to strangle Pettigrew as she bawled, "You didn't do anything for me! You ruined your own life!"

"You fucked everything up," Pettigrew argued as cameras zoomed in on his struggle, "but this isn't over, it won't ever be over!"

Lily shook against her bonds, "What benefit would you have had by killing me?"

Pettigrew's face was pale as a ghost, "You're worth more dead than you are alive."

Taken aback, Lily settled back into her feet from her tiptoes. She felt her chest rise and fall as she processed his telling words. She felt her heart break with the realization that he truly believed that she was worth more to him dead, than she was alive.

"You've changed since we met," Lily said collectedly, "the Peter Pettigrew I met when I was a kid would've never said that."

He spat at her feet, "you never knew me, you were always too preoccupied with yourself!"

"I wanted everything for you!" Lily shot back, offended, "just like I thought you wanted everything for me! But you aimed a gun for my head!""

"You stupid girl," Pettigrew fought against the pull as security called for a cop car, "you think I was the one holding that gun to your head?"

"You were the only one holding the gun." she snarled, pointing at the handgun in a security guard's hand.

"And you're the only one wearing the crown," Pettigrew spat at her as they started lugging him away, "_Who put that crown on your head, Evans?_" he was frothing as they practically carried him off the carpet, "_who put the gun in my hand?_"

Lily was plunged back to the night she'd confronted Pettigrew at his apartment.

_"He put that crown on your head, and he plans to take it off!"_

Lily's blood ran cold as she realized what Pettigrew was telling her. Tom Riddle, Peter was telling her, Tom Riddle had put the gun into Peter's hand. Tom Riddle had somehow convinced Lily's ex-manager to kill her. Riddle had tried to take her crown, permanently.

The guards started pulling her away too, waking her up from her nightmare. She suddenly realized they were pulling her away from James' body on the ground. She started fighting again, putting all her strength into getting back to him. She stepped on one of the guards' foot and her heel sunk into his shoe, making him let go and cry out in pain. Lily used the leverage to rip herself from the second guard and stumble her way back to James.

She was shaking, all the way to her toes. She fell to the ground beside him, piling her hands on top of James' wound to help hold pressure. James at her, his hazel eyes flickering agonizingly.

"It's okay Lily," he promised, "I've had worse, I think."

"That's not funny."

"I just want to see you smile."

She gave him the tiniest smile that didn't reach her eyes. Lily's hands turned the color of his blood, painting her red, just like her nickname.

Red.

James has once mentioned that it was such an interesting color to correlate with emotion because it was on both ends of the scale. On one end there was happiness, falling in love, passion, all that. On the other end was jealousy, fear and frustration. That's why James thought the nickname fit Lily so well, because she was all of those things, wrapped into one.

Lily finally agreed with him.

Lily was jealous of her sister, who didn't choose anything but normalcy. She hadn't chosen to be their dad's superstar and instead Petunia got to live a normal, quiet life. She could go out to eat with friends without fear of paparazzi. She could date and marry whoever she wanted without her career being questioned. Petunia had the time to learn how to cook like their mother. Petunia had everything Lily wanted, including a husband who'd do anything for her.

Lily was scared that she'd always be fifteen-year-old Lily Evans, trapped in Tom Riddle's contractual grasp. Currently, Riddle was the reason she was bent over the love of her life, trying to help keep him from bleeding out. Tom Riddle had always been waiting in the shadows, playing Peter like a puppet to play her like a paper doll. Lily had allowed Peter to control her movements, her clothes and her life for too long.

Lily was frustrated that she'd let herself trust the wrong people, the decision ending so treacherously. She pressed down on James' injury, apologizing to him as he writhed to breathe. She couldn't tell what had been hit that was critical, but Lily knew that he was losing blood. Her tears mixed with the blood on her hands as she screamed out for someone to get the medics there faster.

"They're on their way," a guard said, "you should go."

"I'm not leaving him." Lily repeated for the fiftieth time that night as people swarmed onto the streets and police hovered over the theatre.

"Go, Red." James encouraged her, "I'll be okay."

"I'm not leaving you."

Lily was happiest when she was laughing on a park bench, thinking to herself about James' smile. She was happy when she wrote a new song about James that she was proud of. She was happy, when she was wrapped in James' warm arms under the sheets. She wanted to be that happy again, but it seemed impossible while she was trying to keep her happiness alive.

She'd fallen in love with James Potter singing in a car, getting lost upstate. If she was honest with herself, it might've been earlier than that. She'd felt a spark between them the very day they'd met when he carried her off the burning Manchester stage. Lily told him that she loved him, even as medics surrounded them and pushed her out of the way to start checking his vitals.

She was passionate about the man who'd stayed, the man bleeding for her on the ground. She pushed back into the medic's circle and grabbed his hand. James squeezed against her hold, reminding her that he was a fighter.

"How long has he been bleeding?" a medic asked the guard.

"At least ten minutes." the guard said, reaching out to grab Lily, "Miss Evans we have to go."

"No."

James was lifted into a structure and Lily grabbed his hand as soon as she could. She stumbled along with the gurney, kicking off her heels as she went. The carpet ended and her feet hit the cold cement outside of the venue. One guard tried to stop her, but Lily shook out from his grasp amongst the crowds. She started climbing into the back of the van that James was pulled into, but a medic stopped her with one arm.

"I'm sorry miss, but who are you?"

"Lily Evans." another medic, a woman, recognized her, "shouldn't you be leaving?"

"I'm going." Lily said determinedly, "I'm going with him."

"Are you his family?" the female medic examined Lily, "only family can come to the hospital."

"I am his family."

"She can come." James said loudly, "I want her here."

The male medic moved, allowing enough space for Lily. Lily climbed into the back of the ambulance without help. Her skirts filled up half the back of the van, but she ignored the piled fabric as she squeezed James' hand while the female medic applied pressure to the bullet wound. Lily lifted James' hand to her mouth and kissed it, tears still falling from her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she whispered sadly, "I never wanted to hurt you."

"Red," he hissed in pain as the female medic started messing with his wound, "you couldn't ever hurt me."

"I got you shot." Lily was practically sobbing, "Peter shot you _because_ of me."

"Well he's a shoddy shot." James scoffed good-humoredly, despite the pain in his eyes.

The female medic whistled as she examined the wound, "I think it's lodged in your hip."

"Again," James breathed, "a shoddy shot."

Lily placed her head on their connected hands, "I love you, James."

"Everything's—everything's fine." He assured her, wincing as the medic attached him to an IV, "don't worry about me, okay?"

Lily's lip wobbled as she looked into his face, writhing with pain, "I always worry about you."

"I'm fine." He promised, "it just hurts like Hell."

Lily's lip wobbled dramatically, "I'm not leaving your side until they tell me you're going to surivive this."

"I—I love you." His eyes were fluttering shut, "I never stop thinking about you. The way you smile. Your hands. Your voice."

"James," Lily leaned forward as his eyes drifted in and out, "Don't you dare leave me!"

"It's okay," the female medic assured her softly, "it's the drugs, he's okay, just passed out."

James dropped unconscious, his hand limp on her own. Lily struggled to hold it together as she kept her hands clasped in his. He'd promised after the premier that he'd never let go of her hand again. She prayed he still meant that.

They got out of the car and Lily followed the medics as they rolled James into the Hospital. It was like a scene in a movie as Lily rushed after James, sterile hospital walls closing in on her like prison walls. She could feel her heart constrict as James was pushed through double doors that she was pulled away from by a nurse in a purple uniform.

"Miss, doctors and nurses only in surgery."

"But my—he needs—I need to be with him." Lily pulled against the nurse's firm grip, "please!"

"Ma'am."

Lily twisted to face the nurse. She had pretty lavender hair that settled just at her shoulders. Her eyes widened as she took in Lily's full appearance. Lily suddenly became very aware that she was still in a ballgown and barefoot, covered in blood.

"Lily Evans?" The nurse tilted her head before noticing the blood all over Lily and her gown, "you need to see a doctor."

"No, I need to be with him, please." Lily begged the nurse, who was now inspecting Lily's bloodied arm, "please, he'll wake up and worry if I'm not there."

"Miss Evans, please," the nurse said firmly, "you need stitches on that wound on your arm, and that ball gown is covered in blood. Come clean up and then I promise, I'll let you see him once he's out of surgery."

"Surgery?" Lily's heart accelerated, "surgery on what?"

The nurse shrugged, "what happened to you both? Why are you in such nice clothes?"

"It was a premier," Lily said as the nurse slowly dragged Lily to a chair near the nurse's station, "he got shot."

Pity reflected in the nurse's blue eyes, "were you shot?"

Lily shook her head.

"What happened to your arm?"

"I don't know, I cut it on something when James—when he—when he pushed me out of the way."

"You're here alone with him?" The nurse pulled gloves from her pocket and started inspecting Lily's arm, "I'm Amy, by the way, Miss Evans."

Lily wiped her cheeks with her hand as she choked on her words, "I'm sorry for crying, I'm just—"

"You're in shock, Miss Evans," Amy said as she flagged down another nurse passing by, "let us help clean you up and then you can wait for your—for the man to get out of surgery."

Lily allowed Amy and several other people to take care of her bleeding arm. It hurt like hell as they stitched up the wound. Lily was given a hospital gown to replace the blood-soaked gown. Lily stood in the gown, shivering, as a doctor gave her a full physical and then released her with pain meds for her arm.

Lily sat in James' assigned room, fretfully waiting. They'd had to do surgery to remove the bullet fragments. The nurses assured her that he'd be out soon, but she was still anxious as she waited. What if something went wrong? After all, the bullet had lodged in his hip, that was bad, as far as Lily understood.

As Lily waited, she texted Sirius to let him know that she was okay. After convincing Sirius that she was okay, she called her father. Her dad was already looking up flights to New York. Samantha called right after Lily hung up with her father, panic in her voice.

"Oh, thank God." Samantha breathed a sigh of relief when Lily answered, "where are you? Are you okay?"

"I'm at the hospital." Lily whispered into her phone, "James is in surgery. I'm okay. Just worried about him."

"I'll be there in twenty minutes." Samantha swore, "Disney released a statement, but I just got off the phone with _Piper's_director. He told me that you disappeared from the scene. The premier is on every channel and no one knows if you're alive or dead. It's a mass panic right now."

Lily cursed, "I'm sorry Samantha, this is such—will you release a statement that I'm okay? I didn't get shot. I'm sorry I didn't call you right away. I just couldn't leave James, I got into his ambulance when they took him away. Peter Pettigrew-he shot him-he shot James, and I just couldn't leave him."

"Wait, _Peter Pettigrew_ did this?" Samantha breathed into the phone with skepticism, "why?"

"Pettigrew said that Tom Riddle made him do it." Lily wiped at her tears with her arm.

"He said that?" Samantha sounded angry, "I'm going to kill them both!"

"What do we do?" Lily asked Samantha, "there were videos and cameras filming Pettigrew's confession."

"He confessed Riddle made him do it on camera?" Samantha sounded even more surprise.

"He didn't say Riddle's name." Lily confessed, "he insinuated."

"Okay, I'll be there soon" Samantha sounded like she was racing down a flight of stairs, "I'll send out a statement as soon as I get over there with a hug and make sure you're okay. Do you need anything? Food? Clothes? Makeup wipes? You know what, never mind, I'll just stop at Walmart and get what I can."

Lily had never been more grateful for asking Samantha to be her manager than in that moment, "See you soon."

"Bye."

Lily hung up on Samantha only to answer the phone when Frank called not even two minutes later, "Frank?"

"Are you okay?" Lily heard someone else yelling in the same room as Frank, it sounded like Alice, "is James okay? We just saw the news-"

"We're both okay," Lily told Frank, "how's Alice?"

Frank laughed sardonically and said off receiver, "she's worried about you."

Lily heard Alice's voice, "Put me on speaker."

Frank came back on, "Lily, you're on speaker."

"You just had a shooting at your premier and you're worried about me?" Alice sounded as strong as always, "Lily Evans, when I get off of bed rest, I'm going to smack you."

"Alice, I wasn't shot," Lily danced in one spot, "just focus on getting better soon, okay?"

"I'm fine." Alice scoffed and Lily could imagine her rolling her eyes.

Frank spoke up next, "is James okay?"

"He got shot," Lily explained, "they said he needed surgery."

"Fuck," Frank cursed, "it was his last night."

"I know," Lily whispered, sitting down on the edge of the bed near the window, "I know."

"What happened?"

"Peter Pettigrew tried to shoot me." Lily continued on despite Alice's immediate outrage, "James pushed me out of the way and got shot instead."

Lily stifled her sobs by holding her free hand over her face. The room was empty, save for her, but the door was open, and Lily did not want someone to come check on her. On the other end of the phone, she imagined Frank and Alice sending each other worried looks as Lily struggled to breathe.

"Lily," Frank said firmly, "what house are you at? Still East Village?"

"I wish I were in Lake Placid." Lily said resentfully, "but we've been at the loft."

"I'm headed there now, I'll take over surveillance there." Frank promised, "Okay?"

"Yes."

"And Lily?"

"Yeah?"

"You should call James' friend Minerva." Frank said, "so she doesn't panic. This video on the tellie is very unclear. It looks like you were both shot."

Lily couldn't believe she hadn't thought to even text Minerva, "I'll text you when I know James is okay."

A nurse appeared in the doorway just as Lily typed in Minerva's name to her phone. Lily jumped up from her bed, her eyes hopeful.

"Lily Evans?"

Lily put the phone down, "Is he doing okay?"

"He's in recovery," the nurse soothed, "they're bringing him here, so you two can be together. He'll have to stay overnight for observation."

Lily's hands twirled with the fabric of her hospital gown as the nurse shifted Lily's bed against the wall. Just as the nurse was asking Lily if she wanted any food, another nurse started pulling a bed through the doorway. Messy black hair clashed against a stiff hospital pillow.

"James!"

Lily rushed to his bedside and grabbed his hand, feeling it was colder than usual.

"He's heavily drugged," the nurse warned, "he had substantial blood loss as well as damage inflicted to his hip area, but the doctor got all the bullet fragments out."

The nurse left, promising to be back in an hour for IV fluids. Lily climbed into the bed next to James, snuggling up to his warmth. If he woke up, it wasn't longer than a second. Lily laid by his side, only getting up with the nurses came to check on him. She called Minerva, Sirius and her family to tell them James was alive. Minerva was flying out to New York on the first flight available.

Samantha showed up with a laptop, her now red braids in a bun on top of her head, and a few bags filled with supplies for Lily. Lily jumped up from her chair and ran over to her friend, turned manager, throwing her arms around the short black woman. Samantha dropped one of the bags on the ground and hugged her back as Lily promptly broke into tears in Samantha's hold. Samantha immediately dropped her other bags and drew Lily up into a tighter hug.

"Go ahead and cry, Lily." Samantha urged, "you've been hurt, and you need to cry."

"I almost lost him, Samantha," Lily cried into Samantha's shoulder, "I was so scared."

"Looks like he's okay now," Samantha soothed Lily, rubbing her back, "we can work together, while we wait for him to wake up. I brought you some pizza and clothes."

Lily nodded and pulled back from Samantha's arms, wiping her wet eyes. Samantha gave Lily a toothless smile before bending down to pick up one of the bags and press it into Lily's grasp.

"There's a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt in here, I also got you a bra and underwear."

Lily could've kissed Samantha as she slipped into the loo to change. She ripped the tags off the clothes, enjoying the fact that Samantha had ironically gotten her a sweatshirt with roses all over it. Lily motioned to the clothes as she exited the loo.

"Did you pick these on purpose?"

Samantha looked up from where she was sitting on the floor, eating a slice of pizza from an open box. Lily settled down next to her manager and took a slice from the box for herself. Samantha smiled when Lily sent her a thankful gaze.

"It was those, or ugly-old-lady sweatpants." Samantha said, "but I thought you'd appreciate the roses."

"I do," Lily said, "and I appreciate you coming right over."

"I'm your manager," Samantha said, "so I'm here to manage you."

"You're already the best manager I've ever had."

"Hard competition," Samantha rolled her eyes, "since the last one just tried to shoot you."

Lily chewed thoughtfully on her pizza as she stared across the room to where her bloodied premiere dress was hanging off the spare bed. The premiere felt like it was ages ago, instead of a few hours. Samantha typed quickly on her laptop, clearly already in work mode. Lily leaned over the pizza box to look at the screen and saw Samantha was typing a statement.

"Official statements aren't normally very personable," Samantha said as she typed, "perhaps your best course of action would be to take to tumblr and tell your fans that you're okay."

Lily nodded as she picked a strand of thread from her new clothes, "what about Riddle and Pettigrew?"

"What about them?" Samantha looked at Lily, "you don't want to talk about him?"

"No," Lily said, "I just don't know how to break the news."

Samantha sensed there was more, so she paused her typing, tilting her head at Lily. Lily chewed on her bottom lip, glancing over at James' sleeping body in the bed. The TV over their heads was on the discovery channel, playing a movie about ocean animals. The sound of the television was strangely calming as Lily took another piece of pizza.

"What aren't you telling me?" Samantha asked, "what's wrong?"

Lily picked off a pepperoni off the pizza, "Pettigrew said something, right before they dragged him off to a police car…"

"What did he say?"

Lily looked up from her pizza worriedly, "that I was worth more alive than dead."

Samantha scratched her chin, "why would he say that with cameras on?"

Lily's forehead wrinkled, "do you remember the night we confronted him at his place?"

"Peter?"

"Yeah." Lily put down the pizza nervously, "he told me that Tom Riddle put the crown on my head and Tom Riddle would take the crown away."

Samantha's fingers rested on her laptop as she flinched, "I remember, why does that matter?"

Lily looked directly into Samantha's grey eyes, "Peter said that the man who put the crown on my head-put the gun in his hand."

Samantha's lower lip pointed out as she processed what Lily was saying, "so Tom Riddle wanted to kill you? Why?"

"I don't know," Lily admitted, "he has my albums, he has the record company...what good could come from killing me?"

Samantha shook her head, "you need to call your lawyer, this changes everything."

"What can Albus do?"

"You're going to have to go testify in court for Peter's case," Samantha explained, "if I could bet money on it...Peter's going to plead not-guilty. Peter's going to say that Riddle forced him to shoot you, for whatever reason. Riddle will be brought in to testify and you're going to be the person who can lock Riddle up, for good. Shut down his company. Save other people from meeting the same fate as you. Albus will know what you should say when it's your turn to testify."

Lily pushed her hair back from her face, "you think this will make Riddle lose everything?"

"I think we just found a loophole for how to get your albums back." Samantha said, "never mind what happens to Pettigrew."

Lily nodded and pulled her knees up to her chest, "and if it fails?"

Samantha sent her a sad look, "if it fails then you can bet your arse I won't stop working tirelessly until we've found a way for you to get those rights back."

Lily smiled at her manager warmly, "thanks Samantha."

Her manager nodded and turned back to her computer, sighing deeply, "time to send out the announcement."

Lily pulled out her phone, "I'll write to my fans."

"Leave anything about Pettigrew and Riddle off of it," Samantha warned Lily, "Let them dig their own grave, okay? And make sure to mention that Disney's just announced that the _Piper_ release will be pushed forward into next year."

Lily looked up from her phone swiftly, "they canceled the movie release?"

"They are a business," Samantha shrugged, "they don't want the shooting to affect the box office numbers."

"Right," Lily muttered, "of course."

Lily sighed as she started typing on her phone without even bothering to see how her fans were handling the insane night. Her fingers glided across the keys as she explained what had gone down at the _Piper_ premiere.

_To my loving, beautiful and strong fans,_

_It breaks my heart to be writing another personal note to you guys. I feel like all I ever bring you guys is bad news and heartbreak. I'm hoping and praying this is the last time that happens. There was a shooting at the Piper premiere and an attempt on my life. Luckily, James Potter was there to keep me out of harm's way. He was shot, pushing me out of the way of the attack. I'm relieved to say that my boyfriend, my hero, breathes softly across from me in a hospital bed, just out of surgery to remove the bullet fragments. I am doing okay, just shooken up. I owe my life to James, yet again, and I intend to pay him back for the rest of it by loving him forever and always. I want to thank all of you for staying supportive of me as I've navigated life. You all radiate absolute starlight and keep me happy in the darkest of nights. I hope that in such a trialing time, we remember to hold each other a little closer. I'd like to thank the security teams and medical professionals who have gone out of their way to provide James and I with the best possible care. As soon as James is well enough to travel, we'll be taking a long, much needed, vacation. Piper's release has been postponed to the new year, sometime in January. _

_All my love,_

_Lily_

Samantha made herself a tumblr and reblogged Lily's post, adding that more information would be released in the morning. The two girls then got to work on Lily's next goal: finding a cottage in England to move into. Samantha was up to the task, finding at least twenty possible units in less than twenty minutes. Lily scrolled through each possibility on her phone until she landed on a name she recognized.

"Saddleworth."

She clicked open the link and scrolled through the photographs. The cottage wasn't actually in London, just outside. It had five bedrooms and three baths spaced between the home. There was a beautiful white kitchen with all the appliances colored blue, like the ocean. Lily loved how one of the bedrooms was painted as a nursery and she was in love with the garden out behind the cottage. Lily showed it to Samantha, and she scrolled through herself.

"I love this," Lily told Samantha, "I want to sell Malibu and offer above asking price for this home."

"Okay," Samantha pulled up Lily's bank statements, "it's within a reasonable budget too, but I'm sure it needs security and a few upgrades."

"That's fine," Lily said, "I want this cottage, it'll be close to Annie's gym for James and close to London for me."

Samantha clicked through the links to send the sellers a message, on behalf of Lily. While Samantha dealt with the house business, Lily started texting all her fellow actors from _Piper_. Everyone was relieved to hear she was okay, including Rose Leslie, who was offering Lily well wishes from her flight back home to England. Lily made sure to text all the directors, producers and managers to thank them for postponing the _Piper_ release. They all wished James a speedy recovery, each one of the Burbank producers remembering James fondly.

Samantha didn't leave past four in the morning, and she only left because Sirius had arrived with some scones and hot tea. Lily and Sirius fell asleep together on the spare bed, Sirius hugging her tightly. They both kept waking up when the nurses walked in to check on James. Sometime around eight in the morning, a doctor came into the room to dress James' wounds. They cleaned Lily's stitches again too, telling her it was better to be safe than sorry.

Sirius stayed with Lily until noon, when he got a call that he had to take concerning jobs. He told Lily that he was trying really hard to come up with a plan that wouldn't take him away from producing for Lily. If he went to a large company, there was a chance he wouldn't be allowed to produce for anyone who wasn't under contract with that company.

"I don't want to take a job anyplace that doesn't let me produce for you," Sirius had said, "I love working with you."

"I like working with you too," Lily hugged her best friend before he left, "but don't pass up a good job offer for me, okay?"

Sirius kissed her cheek before he left, telling her to text him the moment James was awake. She promised Sirius she would and then made her way over to where James was still sleeping. She glanced at the clock to see that he'd officially been out for about fourteen hours. The hospital staff seemed unconcerned, stating he'd gotten a lot of drugs for the pain, so Lily waited.

She flipped through channels as she talked to her lawyer on the phone. Peter was being charged that morning and Lily was expected to be in court next week to testify against him. Peter's own lawyer was apparently claiming what Samantha had already suggested: Tom Riddle forced his hand. Albus was sure that there wouldn't be a long ordeal and that Peter would be in jail without bail for a very long time.

"But what about Riddle?" Lily asked as she settled down deeper beside James in his hospital bed, "what if he _did_ force Peter to do it?"

"That man has a history of getting himself out of trouble," Albus warned Lily, "I know you'll want justice, but I can't promise that's what this will lead too."

"I just want my albums back." Lily told Albus, "is there any way this court case will help?"

"It certainly won't hurt." Albus said, "but the merger was official as of midnight last night, even with Peter's attempt on your life, Marauders Records still became part of Great Goods Entertainment."

Lily curled up to James, shoving the phone between her ear and the pillow, "I'll come to the hearing next week," she told Albus, "but that's it, okay? I want to go home."

"I understand Miss Evans," Albus sounded sympathetic, "I will do my best to keep you out of this case as much as possible, but Mr. Potter is the one Mr. Pettigrew shot and he will be expected in court as soon as possible."

"That's fine," Lily brushed her hair back, looking at James wearily, "I'll pay all the fees, your team, whatever it takes to win."

Lily hung up with Albus and turned her full attention on James. He was snoring softly, his face twitching as he breathed. The nurses thought he'd already woken up once or twice but was too tired to stay up. She just wanted him to wake up again for longer than two seconds. Lily needed his reassuring smile and warm hands to cover hers.

"I love you."

She brushed her hands through his hair, her fingernails scratching his scalp affectionately. Her other hand reached over his chest, letting her melt into his form. She wasted time by watching random shows on TV. It was while she was watching HGTV that James shifted at her side and very suddenly pulled her hand to his face.

She almost climbed on top of James; she was so excited to see him awake. He laughed as she kissed every inch of his face, before settling on his mouth. He kissed her back sweetly, his mouth preforming just as much push and pull as her own.

When she pulled back from him, she didn't go far. Her forehead stayed rested on his, her hands grasping at his hospital gown. Lily shifted beside him, giving them both more room on the bed. Her hair tangled between his fingers as she looked him up and down amorously.

"Alright Evans?" he croaked when she still hadn't said a word.

Lily did something halfway between a laugh and sob, leaning back in to kiss him again. She was so close, the hand pressed around his neck for support could feel his pulse quicken under her touch. Lily didn't care that they were in a hospital, or that anyone could walk through the door at any minute. James was here and he was kissing her, and he was _alive_.

"Don't ever scare me again." she murmured against his mouth, "not ever."

James hummed underneath her, taking in a deep breath with his nose as he angled her chin with his hands. Lily couldn't get enough of him as the kissing settled between sweet kisses and a sultry snog. Her mouth tasted every corner of his mouth, then every corner of his face, until she abruptly straddled his hips and he called out in pain.

"Red!"

"_Fuck_!" she quickly stumbled back off him, panting as her bare feet landed on the cold tile floors, "James, I forgot! I'm sorry!"

James' eyes were closed, and he hissed, "it's fine."

"It's not fine, what if I hurt you more?" she covered her face, "let me go get a doctor!"

James grabbed her hand before she could run off, "no, come back to bed...just stay off my hips, yeah?"

Lily had no willpower, so she did as James asked and slowly climbed back into the bed, being careful to lie next to him and not on top of him. James was quiet for a few minutes and then he let out a deep sigh before brushing her red hair from her eyes. Lily pitifully whimpered and buried her face into his neck.

"Saved your life again, dinnit I?" he sounded so pleased with himself.

She gave him a watery smile into his neck, "one of these days, I ought to try saving your life."

"You already did, Red." He murmured, "from the moment we met, you reminded me that life was worth living."

Lily cuddled into him, "how did I get so lucky, to find my soulmate in the middle of a concert?"

"We ought to write Snape a thank you note." James chuckled when she pinched his side spiritedly, "okay, maybe not him."

Lily brushed back his hair adoringly, "James?"

"What?"

Her lower lip trembled, "you got shot, because of me."

James' face was stone, "I told you, I'd take a bullet for you."

"I didn't think you'd ever have to _do_ it." she complained, eyes searching his face for a plan of abandonment, "I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to break up."

"Lily Evans," he whispered fiercely, "I promised to never let go of your hand, and I don't plan on taking that back now."

She smiled faintly at him, "but I-"

"All of me," he reminded her, "for all of you."

She pressed her forehead to his once more, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in tighter. They laid there silently for a while, just breathing in each other's arms. Lily felt at peace in his arms, despite everything. James always felt like coming home.

"I put in an offer for a cottage in England."

James touched her arm slightly, "you really want to leave the States again?"

"I have no record group for the foreseeable future." Lily reasoned, "if I need to come back to the States then I'll figure it out but right now the only place I want to be is with you and you've got to start your new job."

"My new job," James sighed, "Lily, I don't think I'll be running for a while."

"Maybe," Lily said, "but even so, Annie will want you home. Minerva wants you home. My family wants us _both_ home."

James touched her face kindly, "I know you; you won't be able to give up singing forever, you love singing and your fans more than anything."

"Not more than you."

"Close equal." he pinched her arse, "but as much as I love my private concerts, Red, you'll miss singing to your fans too."

She sighed, knowing he was right, "we'll figure it out, but for now I'm staying by your side."

He kissed her temple, "I like you by my side."

"Even when I hurt you?"

"Just keep off me for a few weeks, maybe." he teased, hazel eyes twinkling.

"Well there goes my plans of shagging you senseless when we go back to our flat." Lily said sardonically.

James pinched her arse again, "I should specify…keep off my hips."

"That sounds a bit more manageable."

"Does it?"

They chuckled as they fell into another round of snogging, both of them not even looking up from their actions until a doctor cleared his throat and announced his presence. They couldn't stop snickering when the doctor finished his checks and left the lovers alone again. They snogged all night and between snogging, they talked about what happened at the premiere.

"So, Peter said that Riddle made him do it," James said as they ate some jell-o together, "interesting."

"Why?" Lily always loved James' insight to things, he was so critical.

James started shuffling a deck of cards so they could play hearts, "well, didn't your albums transition over to Riddle last night?"

"Yes."

James raised an eyebrow, "do you remember when Michel Jackson died?"

"Of course," Lily said, licking her spoon, "I loved his music."

"His music also stayed on the charts for a while after he died." James hit the deck on the bed table, "ever think that maybe Riddle wanted that money?"

"So," Lily tried to figure out what James was suggesting, "you think Riddle wanted me to die, so that he could get money off my albums?"

"You told me he was a madman with power," James shrugged, "doesn't that sound like something a mad man would do?"

"I guess," Lily waited for James to deal the cards, "but eventually, people wouldn't care about me."

"Did people stop caring about Jackson? Or Winehouse?" James pointed out, "No, which means Riddle could still race the horse, even after the horse was dead."

Lily considered that James had a solid point and that, perhaps, Peter had been persuaded to kill her. After all, it was obvious Riddle had been using Peter as a pawn for years, that much was certain.

Lily and James only stopped playing cards when someone walked through the door with flowers and a bag of caramel corn. Someone that neither James, nor Lily, expected so soon. Lily jumped up at the sight of the older woman and Minerva McGonagall gave both of them a watery smile. Minerva passed Lily the goodies, eyes only for the man stuck in the bed. James sat up, best he could, excitement in his eyes.

"Minerva!" he said merrily, "what are you doing here?"

The tall woman went over to James' bed and hugged him just as tightly as usual, her wrinkled hands pressing to his cheeks when she pulled away. Lily placed down the flowers and Carmel corn, clasping her hands in front of her as she watched Minerva inspect James closely. James tried to ease her worries.

"Minerva, I'm fine!"

"You scared me nearly half to death," Minerva snapped at him, her lips in a thin line, "Thank God, Lily had the decency to keep me updated, you didn't bother texting you were awake."

James gave his adopted mum a sheepish grin, "sorry, Minerva."

Minerva clearly loved him; she couldn't look away from him. She acted like Lily, as if James might disappear from the Earth and never be seen again. Lily walked over to Minerva, placing a hand on the woman's back supportively. Minerva touched her hand to Lily's, clearly thankful for Lily's support.

"How are you feeling?" Minerva asked her son.

James motioned down to his hip, "it hurts like hell, but that's because Lily sat on me."

"James!"

Minerva didn't look upset as Lily leaned over to smack his shoulder lightly, in fact she looked relieved as Lily and James bantered. It was only the arrival of the doctor that made the bickering and teasing settle. Minerva and Lily waited as the doctors and nurses gathered around James' body to do an ultrasound on his hip. The doctor told James it would be about six weeks before his hip would be fully healed. Until then, James was forced to stay down and go to physical therapy.

Later that night after James had fallen asleep thanks to pain drugs, Minerva sat on the spare bed next to Lily. Lily was chewing thoughtfully on some of James' uneaten jell-o. Minerva looked at Lily's face, taking in her tired eyes and wild red hair.

"How's James handling being trapped in bed?" Minerva asked, her hand reaching up to brush down Lily's hair.

"Not horribly," Lily sighed, looking over at James, "but they're still drugging him heavily."

Minerva chuckled at the implication in Lily's tone, "yes, the drugs probably help keep him pacified."

Lily leaned her head against Minerva's shoulder, "I'm sorry, this was all my fault."

Minerva wrapped one arm around Lily's shoulders, "you have no reason to be sorry."

Lily looked at James' adoptive mother sadly, "James got shot protecting me, on the last day of his contract."

"And he'll recover." Minerva said firmly, "all he needs from you, is unconditional love and support."

"Well obviously he has that." Lily pulled back to look Minerva in the eyes, "and I've already rented a flat near Annie's place in London, so he can go to physical therapy with her again if he wants. We'll be able to have dinner with you too, every Friday, if you'd like that."

Minerva looked emotional, "it will be so nice to have James back in London, but what about you?"

Lily shrugged, uncertain, "what about me?"

"What are you going to do?" Minerva asked kindly, "are you going to stay with James?"

Lily tilted her head at Minerva, "if you're okay with it, I'd like to stay with him for my whole life, if he'll have me."

Water flooded Minerva's eyes and she drew Lily up into the biggest hug ever. Lily hugged the woman back, breathing in the scent of mint and lavender. Minerva used the same perfume as Lily's mother used too. Lily chewed on her lower lip and hugged the old woman closer, feeling home in her arms as much as she did in James' arms.

Minerva brushed at Lily's hair, "that would make me very, _very_ happy."

Lily leaned her head on Minerva's shoulder and stared up at the bed. James was snoring softly, his black hair all over the place. He looked so peaceful; Lily could watch him sleep forever. Eventually, she fell asleep, Minerva tucking her in with a promise to be back first thing the next morning.

Lily woke up several times, moving from her lonely bed to James' bed. He woke up when she climbed in with him and for a moment he was startled until he realized it was Lily. They cuddled in the darkness, both of them settling into the bed. Lily watched as the sun rose over New York City from his bed, not intending to go anywhere.

Three days later, James was permitted to leave the hospital. Minerva, Sirius, Samantha and Frank were all there to help get James home. James was stuck in a wheelchair, something he absolutely hated. Lily did her best to make sure James didn't have to be the center of attention, making sure there were enough umbrellas to hide them both from the cameras of the paparazzi.

Trapped in New York, thanks to an impending court date for Lily and James to testify, they settled into a new life at the Lake Placid cabin. The house offered safety from long lens cameras and no one expected them to be there. James used crutches to get around the small cabin, only resorting to the wheelchair for long distances. They slept downstairs since James couldn't climb stairs, both of them hardly ever leaving each other's side for longer than a few hours.

Sirius and Samantha stayed in the city, both of them having jobs to do. Samantha was amazing as Lily's manager and public relations rep. Lily got at least eight updates from Samantha a day, always in the loop with things. Sirius was pretty silent, but Lily knew he was dealing with his unemployment.

Frank and Alice joined them in Lake Placid, both of them assigned to night and day shifts. They were living on the second floor, both of them using the quiet countryside to rejuvenate themselves after such a hard week. Lily and Alice had settled into hiking together, both of them preferring each other's quiet company.

Each morning and each night, Alice and Lily went for walks in the forest. Alice was still reeling from the loss of her baby, her eyes distant even when she was talking to Frank. Lily was supporting Alice the only way she knew how, through kindness and understanding. Alice seemed to prefer Lily's company to that of her husband, and Lily didn't pry, knowing Alice must be struggling with so many feelings.

James was getting cabin fever, trapped in basically the same spot since he was unable to move without pain in his hip. Lily entertained him by singing to him and Frank had gone out of his way to get James cooking supplies. There was never a lack of baking in the cabin and the kitchen was covered in various baked goods.

The small crew were three days into the Lake Placid getaway, when Sirius came bursting through the side door. His unexpected arrival prompted James, Alice and Frank to each pull out various weapons. Lily had picked up a remote for the television, looking pathetic next to her guards. Sirius held up his hands, glaring at James in particular.

"I texted you that I was coming!"

James put his pepper spray back on the table in front of his sofa, "I don't have my phone on me."

Frank put his gun back into its holster, "you scared the shit out of us, Black."

"Sorry," Sirius held up papers in his hand, "but I needed to come see Lily immediately."

Lily stood up from sofa, where she'd been massaging James' shoulders. She wiped her hands on her jeans as she walked over to Sirius with a confused expression. Sirius dangled the papers in front of her nose, a wide grin on his face.

"Read the good news!"

Lily picked up the first paper, flipping it over to see a large company logo of a bird in the corner. It was an unfamiliar logo that she'd never seen. Fire surrounded the bird, which was raising its wings to the edges of the paper.

"Phoenix Records?" she read out loud before looking at Sirius in bewilderment, "I've never heard of them."

"That's because they didn't exist until last night." Sirius said, snatching the paper back from Lily, "It's brand new."

"Who's it owned by?" Lily asked, scratching her temple, "I don't want to be tricked again."

"No tricks, Evans," Sirius said, "it's my new label!"

Her eyes flew up, "your new what?"

Sirius grinned enthusiastically, "Benji Fenwick and I started our own label!"

Lily jaw dropped, "wait, you and Benji opened up a record company together?"

"Yeah," Sirius beamed, "want to hear the best part?"

"What?" Lily blinked hastily, unsure if she should be excited or confused…she settled between both.

"We're signing you." Sirius elbowed her.

Lily's hands covered her cheeks, which flamed red with delight, "_what_?"

Sirius grabbed Lily's fingers and yanked her into a happy dance, "we want to sign you, Lily!"

Lily was in such a state of shock she felt like she was in a dream. She let Sirius twirl her around as laughter bubbled from her throat despite her disbelief. Alice and Frank both snickered as Lily tossed her arms around Sirius' neck, hugging him as she cried from happiness.

"I accept!" she said, "I would be honored, Sirius!"

"All you have to do is write your own songs every once in a blue moon. Everyday. Whenever you want, really." Sirius promised her, kissing her cheek, "we've got a few other artists lined up too, artists fucked over by Pettigrew."

"You're helping all the artists from Marauders Records?" Lily asked, feeling already like the world was turning around.

"Why do you think we named it Phoenix Records?" Sirius asked as he pulled back to beam at her, "it's because just like a Phoenix, we're going to rise up from the ashes of the fire Pettigrew set."

Lily's smile couldn't have possibly gotten any wider, "this is more than I could've hoped for."

"What's this mean?" James asked from his seat, clearly confused.

"I'm Lily's new boss!" Sirius walked over to the bedside and clapped James' shoulder, "and unlike her previous record label, I promise not to shoot you, even though you tried to shoot me the first day we met _and_ pepper spray me five minutes ago."

James shook his head, but he laughed as Sirius clapped him on the back. Lily pushed back her hair as she reveled in the knowledge that she didn't have to stop making music if she didn't want too. She didn't have to worry about anything because as usual, her friends had her back.

They all celebrated by going into town, with Lily in a wig, and getting dinner at a local restaurant. They stayed up late playing games in the cottage sitting room until it was time to sleep. Lily sent out a text to Samantha, who rejoiced with the news that Lily had a new label and immediately wrote up a press release.

It was ironic that they announced Lily's new label the day before Lily was set to appear in court to testify against her old label. The whole house woke up early, dressed in their best clothes, and made their way back to New York City. Alice, Frank and Samantha all escorted Lily and James to the courthouse. There was nothing anyone could do about the cameras, so Lily and James were forced to be photographed as they went up the ramp to the courthouse. Lily ignored the calls for her to look at cameras and instead, focused on Albus' figure in the doorway of the courthouse.

Lily sat with Albus and Pettigrew sat with his lawyer too. Pettigrew was wearing chains on his wrist and he had on a nice suit. Tom Riddle, surprisingly, was there with his own lawyer. Lily could feel Riddle's eyes boring into her as she sat between James and Albus. Lily grabbed James' hand for reassurance and James squeezed it twice.

The courtroom was dreadful, boring and mundane. Lily answered the same ten questions, it felt like, over and over. Pettigrew claimed that Tom Riddle had planned to kill Lily to increase the value of her masters, making Samantha whisper '_I knew it'_ under her breath behind Lily in the stands. Tom Riddle claimed that Pettigrew was clinically insane and had, in fact, wanted to kill Lily because she fired him. The allegations were spat back and forth. The only thing that was agreed between all parties, was that James had been shot at Peter Pettigrew's hands.

Court was dismissed fourteen hours later, making Lily and her entourage forced to consider staying in the city for the night. Frank went ahead, determined to sweep the city apartment before anyone else got there. Alice stood next to Lily with Samantha, the girls awaiting James to get out of the restroom with Albus. It was there that Tom Riddle found Lily with his glistening black eyes.

"Miss Evans," his voice sent chills up her spine, "might I have a word alone."

Samantha snapped before Lily could, "whatever you want to say to my client, you can say in front of us."

His snakelike eyes fell on Samantha and she only stood up taller. Lily followed Samantha's example, standing upright and angling her head at Riddle with implied threat. She was never going to let Tom Riddle think he owned any piece of her.

"Shame about your manager." Tom said smoothly, his eyes moving back to Lily, "I'm afraid he doesn't stand a chance to win this case."

"I don't want him to win." Lily said coolly.

"Well we have one thing in common, then." Riddle said, reaching out a hand to Lily.

Lily stared at his hand but didn't take it, "we have _nothing_ in common, Riddle."

"I must say your chilliness is surprising," Riddle said, dropping his hand, "when I'm testifying against the same man, who betrayed us both."

Lily tilted her head at the man in black, "Did he only betray you because he failed his mission?"

"I honestly don't have any idea what you're talking about." Riddle said, retracting his offered hand.

Lily stepped forward, her fists clenching at her sides, "I know you gave him that gun."

His expression remained impassive, "be careful Miss Evans, at what you are insinuating."

"Bet you wish you'd gotten away with your plan to trick Lily again, huh?" Samantha said boldly, next to Lily, "too bad we caught your rat."

Tom Riddle sneered at Samantha, "Stay out of things you don't understand, girl."

"We understand plenty." Lily said, "why do you think I'm here to testify against both of you?"

"I'll still win, Evans." Riddle's black eyes glistened gravely, "I own you."

"How do you figure?" Samantha mocked, "she's not singing for _you_ anymore."

"I don't need her to sing for me anymore." Riddle let his eyes travel up and down Lily's small stature, "and mark my words, she's peaked. Nothing she ever writes will ever be as popular as her old music, which again, I own the rights to."

"Don't underestimate me, Riddle." Lily said carefully, "I'm going to keep singing just to spite you. I'll never stop singing. Or writing. I'll stay in this industry just to keep reminding you of what you lost, every time I win an award, you'll have to see me being successful _without_ you. You might've put the crown on my head at fifteen, but you did not write my songs, produce my music or buy me my fans. I am who I am today because of the people who love me. Not assholes you."

Riddle stepped forward but stopped when Alice's hand reached for her gun on her hip. Riddle's eyes flicked back and forth between Alice and her gun.

Finally, he settled on addressing Lily, "you should really fear me, Miss Evans."

"No Riddle," Lily tossed her hair over her shoulder, "you ought to fear _me_."

Riddle looked between Lily, Alice and Samantha. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but he turned and walked away. Lily felt like the world had been lifted from her shoulders as he left her alone. Tom Riddle was nothing but a snake and a villain. She knew she'd never be done fighting men like him as long as she stayed in the industry, but she also knew that one day karma would send Riddle to his grave.

Lily just hoped she'd be around to see it.

The court case was postponed until after the Holidays. Lily and her family, her adopted family, packed up their things and made their way to the Scotland mansion where the Evans' were planning to stay for Christmas. Even Petunia and her husband Vernon were showing up to celebrate the holidays. Even with all the stress of dealing with Peter, worries melted away in Scotland.

Lily and her father spent a whole day putting up Christmas lights, with James' watchful eye. They decorated a tree Frank brought in from a nearby farm, Alice priding herself on the popcorn string that was strung among the evergreen branches. On Christmas Eve, Scotland received a fluffy white covering of snow all over the estate that left Lily feeling like she was in a winter wonderland. She rested soundly next to James in their bedroom, the window curtains open so they could watch the snow fall.

"Can you believe how far we've come since the last time we were here?" James whispered as he dragged his fingers through her red hair.

Lily pushed her toes against his warm leg as she snuggled deeper into his side, "I wish I could go back and tell myself what I know now."

"What would you say to the old you?"

Lily ran her fingers down his bare chest attentively, "I'd tell her that singing is a part of our life but it isn't our whole life, and we need to be okay with that. I'd tell her people were going to try and take our crown, but that's alright, we don't need it. I'd make sure she knew sooner that the man who saved our life in Manchester, would turn into the most important person in our life."

James touched her cheek, "I am so proud of you, for living with so much love and kindness, despite everything."

Lily leaned her cheek into his hand, "I had a little help."

"You are my everything, Red." he kissed her nose, "I am never going to stop loving you."

Lily leaned into his face, her hair swinging around them like a curtain as she held herself up and over him, "then marry me."

"Okay," James laughed, as if finding her proposal hilarious.

Lily frowned and pinched him to shut him up, "I mean it," she said seriously, "marry me."

James quirked a brow at Lily, realizing her sincerity, "you want to marry me?"

She leaned in so she could kiss James on the lips long and slow. James kissed her back, albeit slower than she would've liked.

"Marry me," she urged against his mouth, "be mine."

"I'm already yours." James wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer.

She leaned back to offer him a smile, "is that a yes?"

James licked his lips, awestruck by her, but there was a lighthearted twinkle behind his gaze, "do we really need another contract?"

Lily wrinkled her nose at his jest, "this one binds us together, it won't keep us apart."

"True," James conceded, "but a marriage contract means you're stuck with me forever, flaws and all."

"And you're stuck with me forever," she countered.

James tucked her hair behind her ear, "all of you, for all of me."

She beamed at him, "All of me, for all of you."

She settled into his embrace and fell asleep smiling. She knew there were a lot of mountains ahead for her to climb. She knew life wasn't going to be perfect but that was okay. Life wasn't meant to be perfect. Life was messy, challenging and ever-changing. Lily was sure that there would be more challenges for her to face as a singer, fiancé and woman but she was ready to take them on, fearless.

At the end of the day, she was the lucky one because she had control of the narrative again. She could choose the rose garden, or Madison Square. Another name would go up in lights, lighting like diamonds in the sky, but it wouldn't be Lily's name from a long time. And they might tell the legend of how she disappeared, took her money and her dignity and got the Hell out. It would take some time, but one day the world would understand why.

It wasn't happily ever after, but it was happily ever _something_.


	22. Fearlessly Red (Deluxe Album)

**Official: Lily Evans' 'Fearlessly Red'' Debuts With 1.31 Million Sold in First Week**

_It's official: Lily Evans earned the largest sales week for an album since 2014. It's her sixth number one album and it is currently trending on all social media platforms. Fearlessly Red was released to the world on October 31, 2021. The album is sonically cohesive, mixing 80's synthetic beats with modern pop verses. _

_The album was co-produced by Sirius Black, a longtime partner and close friend of Evans' who owns Phoenix Records with boyfriend Benji Fenwick. Evans credits Fearlessly Red's success to her fiancé James Potter. The first single, So Good, debuted at number one on the charts and has yet to lose its momentum. The second single, Stronger, is currently at number two on the billboard charts. _

_Click below to see the track list to the deluxe album, available at Target for 19.99 and comes with several posters, two remixes, and handwritten notes from Evans._

* * *

**Fearlessly Red **

**Artist:** Lily Evans

**Songwriters:** Lily Evans; Petals T. Fish

**Producers:** Sirius Black; Lily Evans; Benji Fenwick

**Distributed by:** Phoenix Records

**Tracks:** 1\. _So Good_ / 2. _Mine_ / 3. _Fine Art_ / 4. _Game of Love_ / 5. _Play God_ / 6. _Fearlessly Red_ / 7. _Dear Remus_ / 8. _Stronger_ / 9. _Listen_ / 10. _Contradiction_ / 11. _Shakespeare in Love_ / 12. _Race_ / 13. _Happily Ever Something_

Hello,

If you're reading this insert it probably means you want to know where I get my inspiration for my music, musings and lyrics. I wrote this album two years ago, in the darkest time in my life. I probably don't have to remind you about all the things that went wrong. Still, amongst that chaos and uncertainty one thing remained certain: love.

I believe in love more than I believe in anything. I'm not just talking about romantic love either. Love can be platonic too. Love between friends, coworkers and family. Even on days where I didn't know if I could get out of bed, I had someone reminding me why I should. It was my passion for words that led to this album, my passion for describing love so sound that it can weather any storm.

I hope this album helps you get through any rough patch and you come out stronger. I hope you remember that real love can lighten up even the darkest of nights. I hope you never forget that real love shines golden, like starlight, and doesn't spontaneously combust or burst into flames. I hope, that no matter what happens to you, that you love fearlessly.

Yours,

Red

**Track 1. So Good**

_Verse 1: _

I've got my friends beside me

Not one of them would lie to me

They're not like you, liar

No, not like you

_Chorus:_

You think I need you, don't you?

Well that's no good darling

I'm so good, darling.

You think I miss you, don't you?

Jokes on you darling

Because I'm so good, darling.

I'm so good.

_Verse 2:_

And you call me dramatic

Making me react to you

Your lies were systematic

But I've caught on, liar

Now we're through

_Chorus:_

You think I need you, don't you?

Well that's no good darling

I'm so good, darling.

You think I miss you, don't you?

Jokes on you darling

Because I'm so good, darling.

I'm so good.

_Bridge:_

I've got my man

and let me tell you

he's so fine

I'm glad that he's all mine

And that's despite you

No, not to spite you

_Chorus_:

You think I need you, don't you?

Well that's no good, darling

I'm so good, darling.

You think I miss you, don't you?

Jokes on you darling

I'm so good, darling.

So good.

**Track 2: Mine**

_Verse 1:_

I've been falling for quite a while

You've spent quite some time in denial

You make the pain of living worthwhile

The last time we touched it felt like flying

And suddenly I don't feel like dying

_Chorus:_

So, call me yours, love

Say that you'll be mine

You're my poem

I'm your rhyme

Call me yours

All of me

For all of you

You're mine (_repeat x's 3_)

_Verse 2:_

With or without you

I'm dreaming of our debut

Long nights up in my bed

Nights where I'm turning bright red

And under you, I'm brand new

So, take me places I've never been too

_Bridge_:

You've got your scars and I've got mine

But baby, we have plenty of time

I'm a drifter, jumping states and it shows

That's not something you seem to oppose

Cause the only thing between us lately are clothes

_Chorus:_

So, call me yours, love

Say that you'll be mine

You're my poem

I'm your rhyme

Call me yours

All of me

For all of you

You're mine (_repeat x's 3_)

**Track 3. Fine Art**

_Verse 1:_

You've got one hand on my heart

The other is on my thigh

I need you baby

that's not a lie

_Chorus:_

I'm softly tracing every flawed curve

I can't believe Cupid had the nerve

I'm struck by his arrow

Straight through the heart.

You love me

And fuck me

I think you might be fine art

_Verse 2:_

I'll fall right in, I'm yours to trace.

Use your hands, memorize my face.

Your fingerprints taunt me

My cheeks, they're burning red.

I'm singing your name as we fall into bed

_Chorus:_

I'm softly tracing every flawed curve

I can't believe Cupid had the nerve

I'm struck by his arrow

Straight through the heart.

You love me

And fuck me

I think you might be fine art

_Bridge:_

Our hands intertwine as you start the dance.

Darling I'm coming undone; I'm lost in a trance.

Remember when I cried for you to never leave?

Remember when you forgot how to breathe?

We're broken into tiny little pieces

Two abstract masterpieces

_End Chorus:_

I'm softly tracing every flawed curve

(every indentation gives me a sensation)

I can't believe Cupid had the nerve

(love isn't a game)

I'm struck by his arrow

(Struck hard)

Straight through the heart.

You love me

And fuck me

I think you might be fine art

**Track 4. Game of Love**

_Spoken:_

How do you win this game?

_Verse 1:_

Just like his dad, he knew how to party

He was pro at making me feel sorry

It was almost like running a race

Only I knew I'd never win first place

_Chorus:_

I sang in the shower, it was mainly the blues

I met a new man, he was so handsome, it's true

He lit a match and I was the fuse

I fell in love, it's not that hard to do

_Verse 2:_

His charming grin hit me like lightening

I could feel my world slowly start brightening

It was almost like running in the same race

Hand in hand, he was keeping my pace

_Chorus:_

I sang in the shower, it was mainly the blues

I met a new man, he was so handsome, it's true

He lit a match and I was the fuse

I fell in love, it's not that hard to do

_Spoken:_

In this story, we both win to lose.

**Track 5. Play God**

I want to play God

Not to walk on water

Or be a martyr

I've lost a lot

He's lost even more

_Chorus:_

Why do heroes have to lose?

Why does God always get to choose?

We're both praying, not even religious

Calling each other fearless

Standing on either side of the door

I know I can't stop the world from turning

or make it reverse

but I wish that I could play God for once

_Verse 2: _

I'd give my father back my mother

I'd give him back his brother

The inside of my mind is a Black Sea

He's battered from waves I'll never see

_Chorus:_

Why do heroes have to lose?

Why does God always get to choose?

We're both praying, not even religious

Calling each other fearless

Standing on either side of the door

I know I can't stop the world from turning

or make it reverse

but I wish that I could play God for once

_Bridge:_

I'll play God

I'll change fate

Bring back the dead

Erase the screaming in your head

_Chorus:_

Why do heroes have to lose?

Why does God always get to choose?

We're both praying, not even religious

Calling each other fearless

Standing on either side of the door

**Track 6. Fearlessly Red**

_Opening verse:_

I'm a paper doll all taped together

You're a beautiful mosaic of broken parts, forever

Your smiles got me believing

Your love stops the bleeding

I'm fearlessly yours, Red

_Verse 1: _

I'm half-dressed, waiting at your door

You lead me to the kitchen, socks sliding on the kitchen floor

I don't know how to tell you that I want more

But every time I look at you, my heart soars.

_Chorus:_

The bombs went off and they're taking a toll

I can feel the fire forming down deep in my soul

Just one look and I'm like, woah

Every touch of your hand has me aglow

I'm begging you, don't let me go

_Verse 2: _

I can't even walk without having to fall

You always catch me, answering my call

I wish we could start over with a clean slate

But I know it's just too little, too late.

_Chorus:_

The bombs went off and they're taking a toll

I can feel the fire forming down deep in my soul

Just one look and I'm like, woah

Every touch of your hand has me aglow

I'm begging you, don't let me go

_Ending verse:_

I'm a paper doll all taped together

You're a beautiful mosaic of broken parts, forever

I'm fearlessly yours, Red

**Track 7. Dear Remus**

_Opening (spoken by James Potter):_

Dear Remus,

It's impossible to describe the way she makes me feel. Isn't that strange? Normally, I never shut up. I could write a book on how she brightens the worst of days, but I also don't think there are enough words in the human language to describe how I feel when I look at her. Except maybe, I love her.

_Verse 1:_

He spent a lot of time pacing

Wearing a hole in that tile floor

He's waiting for you to appear

It's hard saying goodbye

When all he wants is another hello

But he lived

And you're lying ten feet under

_Chorus_:

Dear Remus

I miss us

Tell me why Death chose you as the sacrifice in war

I was standing there too, your equal

Wouldn't it be nice, if we'd both gone together?

But then I wouldn't have met her.

Verse 2:

I waltzed in, a poster child of success

Grammys, fans and private jets

I had the world at my fingertips

And I sang the same song as him

Broken, lonely, beautiful and tragic

We fell in love

It was just like magic

_Chorus_:

Dear Remus

I miss us

Tell me why Death chose you as the sacrifice in war

I was standing there too

Wouldn't it be nice, if we'd both gone together?

But then I wouldn't have met her.

_Bridge:_

We met each other in the heat of the summer

I had some demons

He had your ghost

Despite it all

We loved the most

_End Verse:_

Can you forgive him for choosing life over death?

Do your parents hate him for every single breath?

Will he ever forgive himself for failing you?

Thank God you didn't go together

Because then he wouldn't be mine forever.

**Track 8: Stronger **

_Verse 1:_

They told me I couldn't have what I wanted

Like I haven't fought for everything I've gotten

I made all my money, my riches, my power

I'm tired of being treated like some decorative wallflower

I won the lottery at only fifteen

And I know what they're all thinking.

They say:

"Well, she's a little young to know what she wants"

And that's the kind of shit that earns my lyrical response

_Chorus:_

I deserve what I want

I want what I get

I'll climb every mountain

I'll work up a sweat

I'll be the champion

And I will be stronger

I refuse to bow down

I'm silent no longer

_Verse 2:_

My loft is covered in hand-painted frames

My man never calls me by my real name

Sometimes, still, I worry I'll lose James

But he's not into Hollywood's cruel games

I guess after war, Hollywood feels tame

_Bridge: _

And I'm not saying some man saved me

Or put my name on the golden marquis

Though, there are some people who'd disagree

But the only one who can set you free

Is the one who has the golden key

And honey, all along, that key was me.

_Chorus:_

I deserve what I want

I want what I get

I'll climb every mountain

I'll work up a sweat

I'll be the champion

And I will be stronger

I refuse to bow down

I'm silent no longer

**Track 9:** **Listen.**

Please, you gotta stop stalling

Save me

I keep free falling

Catch me

Call me dramatic

Tease me

For you, I'm insomniatic

Now watch me

Babe I'm one of a kind

You know me

I'm all poems and rhymes

So trust me

I'm no waste of time.

Believe me

You're my partner in crime

Now kiss me

If you'd be so inclined

Just love me

Say that you're mine

**Track 10: Contradiction **

_Verse 1:_

I thought I wanted to be alone

Then you sat next to me

I thought I'd never laugh again

Then you had me laughing over my cup of Ramen

I thought I'd never make it out of the dark

Then, with both hands, you led me back into the light

_Chorus:_

I thought a lot of things before I met you

Now I feel like a love-struck fool

You're such a contradiction

A literal work of fiction

No confliction

I can't stop this romantic friction

_Verse 2: _

I thought I'd never fall in love

But your body fit to mine like a glove

I thought I'd never step away from fame

And then you called my name

_Bridge:_

Swear you're my best contradiction

Got me hot and sweaty like a sickness

My favorite nighttime affliction

My one and only,

My healthy addiction

_Chorus:_

I thought a lot of things before I met you

Now I feel like a love-struck fool

You're such a contradiction

A literal work of fiction

No confliction

I can't stop this romantic friction

**Track 11: Shakespeare in Love**

_Verse 1: _

He asked me once

"Will our love story be just as tragic as Romeo and Juliet?"

I don't think I could ever forget

We kissed all night

We danced all day

I thought there was no way we'd be a tragedy.

_Chorus:_

That's what Shakespeare calls irony

Makes his tragedies glimmer with originality

There was irony in every bit of our life

And that's the comedy of it all

But where's my midsummers night dream?

Laying with him on the blood-soaked floor

I didn't want to be Shakespeare in love

_Verse 2: _

I've always been a fan of rom-coms

Just wanna live in Twelfth Night

Not scrubbing off blood from a gun fight

Tired of the tragedy

Tell Juliet she can take back her balcony

_Chorus:_

That's what Shakespeare calls irony

Makes his tragedies glimmer with originality

There was irony in every bit of our life

And that's the comedy of it all

But where's my midsummers night dream?

Laying with him on the blood-soaked floor

I didn't want to be Shakespeare in love

**Track 12: Race **

_Verse 1:_

It starts with racing hearts

Oh yeah, hot and heavy

Filled with lust

Arguably deadly

You can see it on my face

I'm ready

Daring you to race me

_Chorus:_

We're running at the same pace

We're aiming for a good time

No matter the place

I love the finish line but fuck, he's better at the race

_Verse 2:_

A few weeks later, we were still as high as space

With every stroke of midnight, I am falling from grace

There are just certain feelings that time cannot erase

I've got a white dress, all covered in lace

It's waiting in my closet just in case

_Chorus:_

We're running at the same pace

We're aiming for a good time

No matter the place

I love the finish line but fuck, he's better at the race

**Track 13: ** **Happily Ever Something **

_Verse 1:_

The villain took the shot without a hint of regret

She still can't believe a gun almost killed her best duet

She wondered, if she ran, how far could they get?

How long can they navigate the bumpy seas?

She's looking for answers, she's down on her knees

_Chorus:_

So many tidal waves ripped through her heart

She was worried they might tear them apart

Then he laughed and for a moment the pain lifted

With one smile her whole world shifted

It was wasn't happily ever after

But it was happily ever something.

_Verse 2: _

And how will she tread the waves growing tall?

Especially when she feels so very small

How will she fix the girl in the mirror?

She's just trying to make the reflection in the mirror grow clearer

_Chorus:_

So many tidal waves ripped through her heart

She was worried they might tear them apart

Then he laughed and for a moment the pain lifted

With one smile her whole world shifted

It was wasn't happily ever after

But it was happily ever something..

_Verse 3:_

But how does she stop the storm coming though?

It's clouding her world and making it blue.

She's looking for the lighthouse in the stormy sea

It's hard to see any light with the surrounding debris

_Chorus:_

So many tidal waves ripped through her heart

She was worried they might tear them apart

Then he laughed and for a moment the pain lifted

With one smile her whole world shifted

It was wasn't happily ever after

But it was happily ever something.


	23. Epilogue

"Don't tell me you tried _baking_ dad a cake?"

A young boy came stumbling through the main door into the kitchen where Lily was pulling a half-burnt cake out of the oven. Harry Potter's pointed nose wrinkled when he smelled the burnt cake and he slid across the kitchen in his socks. Harry's hair was in tight little curls around his green eyes, the messy hair getting in his way as he examined his mother's awful baking. Lily covered her mouth worriedly with one hand, inspecting the damage along with her son.

"How burnt does it look?" Lily asked her son, placing the cake pan on the counter with a sour expression, "think I can save it with two cans of frosting?"

"Mum you roasted it." Harry burst into giggles that had the echo of her laugh, "it's like a rock cake!"

"I'll just scrape off the bad parts." Lily said, looking for a knife, "it's fine."

"Mum you'll only make it worse." Harry told her, sitting on one of the stools and placing his chin in his hands, "just go _buy_ dad a birthday cake."

"Your father makes me a lovely homemade cake every year," Lily shook a kitchen knife at Harry, "I plan on returning the favor, burnt or not."

"It smells awful." Harry wrinkled his nose again as she started to try and scrape the top of the cake off, "honestly, mum, just go buy him a cake."

"That's enough sass from you, Harry James Potter." Lily said, "either go back to your video games or stop critiquing on your mother's baking skills."

Suddenly, the front door opened. Harry perked up like a dog and looked through the doorway that led to the front door of the cabin. Their little kitchen party was interrupted by the arrival of Alice and Frank Longbottom. The Longbottom's son, Neville, was carrying a chocolate fudge cake decorated with colorful frosting that said '_Happy Birthday James'_ in cursive. All eyes settled on Lily trying to scrape the burn pieces of the cake and then, Frank held out a hand to his wife.

"You owe me ten dollars." he sniggered.

"You two bet on if I was going to ruin the cake?" Lily looked between her retired bodyguards angrily, "some friends you are!"

Alice shot her husband a look before motioning for Neville to put the cake down, "we bought a spare, just in case, but I want it known that I tried to give you some credit, Evans."

"I don't know why you'd ever give her credit when it comes to baking." Harry giggled into his hand and Lily purposefully reached across the counter to playfully smack her son upside his head.

Harry rubbed the back of his head and glared at his mum, "ouch."

"Stop making me feel bad about my cooking." Lily ordered Harry, "Or I'm calling Mrs. Weasley and telling her that Ron and Ginny are uninvited to the concert."

"If dad were here, he'd say the same thing." Harry mumbled.

Neville grinned at Harry, "at least Hermione will be there!"

Harry nodded eagerly, "but I still want Ron and Ginny there, so let's go play video games before mum keeps to her word."

Lily looked down at the burnt pieces of chocolate cake that she'd brutally murdered. Harry was right, James was going to lose it if he heard she'd burned his birthday cake. She kind of hoped it still tasted okay, but she tested a piece and wrinkled her nose. Alice and Frank laughed as she picked the whole burnt cake up and put it in the trash.

Neville and Harry raced off to the media room, likely to play video games. Alice settled by the kitchen table, her round face shining contentedly as Frank teased Lily endlessly about burning a cake for the thirteenth year in a row.

"Shove off Frank," Lily scoffed at her mate as she re-taped a banner to the island, "James is going to give me enough grief about it later."

"Where _is_ the birthday boy?" Alice asked, looking around as if expecting James to pop into existence.

"Sirius and Annie took him to town for lunch so I could try and bake him a cake," Lily explained, "they'll be back soon."

Lily pulled some pizza rolls for the boys out of the freezer, throwing them on a cookie sheet. Minerva came downstairs from her guestroom just as Lily put the rolls into the oven and hit the timer to warn her when it was time to pull them out. Minerva's nose rumpled, likely from the burning cake smell. Luckily for Lily, Minerva had the decency not to say a thing as she hugged Frank and Alice hello.

"Shouldn't you be getting ready?" Minerva asked Lily, noticing that Lily was still in leggings and a messy mom-bun.

Lily waved Minerva's worries away, "it's not like they can start without me."

"She's right," Alice joked from the table, "it _is_ her concert."

Lily's father and grandfather were last to come downstairs for the surprise party. They both helped Lily and Minerva decorate the sitting room and kitchen with birthday balloons and decorative favors. Harry and Neville were dragged from their game when Lily got the text from Sirius that they were on their way back to the cabin.

When James walked through the door to find everyone waving little banners, a huge smile broke across his features. Harry broke from the group, running at his dad. James bent down a bit to envelope Harry in his arms before lifting Harry up into a hug. Lily clasped her hands to her chest as Harry wished his father a happy birthday, her heart melting with adoration for both of them. James ruffled Harry's hair in the same way he'd ruffle his own before setting the eleven-year-old back on his feet.

Lily walked over to her husband, kissing him just as Sirius and Annie pushed through with smiles on their faces. Samantha came in right behind them, carrying a cake. Lily glared at her manager.

"You brought a cake too?" Lily acted offended, despite feeling thankful for her friends, "does no one have faith in my baking ability?"

"No." everyone said simultaneously.

James lifted a brow at Lily, "you tried to bake for me?"

"Tried being the operative word." Harry said.

"Sorry Lily," Samantha said, "but you don't have a good track record with birthday cakes."

Everyone laughed as Samantha placed her cake next to the one the Longbottom's had brought. Lily blew her fringe from her face as James tossed an arm around her shoulder and kissed her temple. Lily knew it was the thought that counted but she wished that after years of being married to James, she would've improved as a cook.

"If it's not Ramen or scrambled eggs," James joked, "she's hopeless."

Lily pinched her husband's arse, "be nice to me."

James' eyes twinkled down at her, "no."

Lily tried to punch him, but he grabbed her fist, holding her back. She wrestled against his hold until he swooped in and planted a firm kiss to her lips. Harry made a disgusted noise as she smiled favorably against James' mouth. James pulled away only after a moment, if only to spare their companions.

"I love you." He murmured.

"I love you more." She pressed her nose to his, content with the world they built together.

"Let's have some cake!" Samantha announced, "it's a tight schedule tonight!"

James pulled back from Lily, grinning, "back to business as usual, who invited my wife's manager?"

Samantha shook her finger at James, "careful Potter, or I'll cut this surprise party early."

Everyone ate cake, plenty of it to go around. Truthfully, Lily was thankful her friends knew her well enough to bring back up cakes to her husband's birthday. They gave James his birthday gifts, a set of brand-new shoes for running and a few tickets to sporting events back in England. James was the star in the spotlight until the clock rang three and everyone looked at Lily with raised eyebrows.

She let the normativity of the cabin settle on her shoulders before she smiled around at her family, "showtime, already?"

She really was the lucky one, having chosen a quiet life away from the spotlight for a few years to raise her family. Of course, she couldn't stay away from her fans forever. Lily was on tour and had a show that night in New Jersey.

Sometimes when she walked on stage in a stadium as big as MetLife, Lily remembered Manchester. Sometimes she had bad concerts that took her breath away. Sometimes she questioned if she'd ever be able to let go of the events that triggered nightmares, even over fifteen years later. Still, nothing could keep Lily Potter from walking out on stage with her guitar and a microphone.

It was the _Happier_ World Tour and Met Life was her last concert in the United States. The stadium was packed to capacity, filled with people who loved music as much as she loved music. She watched all her fans as she sang, focusing only on their faces when she could. They danced, cheered and celebrated along with her. As much as she loved all of them, no one shone brighter than the man swaying with his arms around their son.

The Potters were in a tent right in the middle of the floor, both of them wearing tour shirts. Harry had a lightsaber and was waving it through the air as he danced with some of his friends from Lake Placid. James was laughing along with Samantha and Sirius, all three of them watching her as she performed her music for crowds of thousands.

She couldn't believe how far they'd come, together. She remembered how they'd all once worried that Lily's touring days were over. They'd all worried Lily would never get her master albums back from Tom Riddle. They'd all been scared that no one would continue to care about what Lily had to write.

Life had proven that eventually, the world righted itself. Tom Riddle had been found guilty, charged with embezzlement and other various crimes, including being the person who instigated the attack at the _Piper_ premiere. Peter Pettigrew had lost everything and, last Lily heard, was living in a prison in Nebraska. _Piper_ had premiered to rave reviews and Disney officially indicted Lily into the Princess Hall of Fame.

Lily got married to James Potter in a small rose garden with only their closest friends and family present. They'd overcome their fears, nightmares and dark moments together. They were each other's biggest fans, always cheering each other on. The day Harry was born, just a few hours after the Longbottom's had their first son, was the happiest day of Lily's life.

Harry was the perfect mix of them both. He was kind to his very core, just like Lily tried to be. He also had a passion for rugby, something he got from his dad. Despite having famous parents, he was also incredibly down-to-earth, always befriending the people who didn't have many friends. Lily was so proud to have him as her only child.

Even now, Harry had his hands in Ginny Weasleys, dancing with her and her brother Ron and their best friend Hermione. Lily smiled as she saw them rocking out to her music, all of them living their best lives. Lily channeled their energy as she sang some of her dance-centric songs. The crowds were going while and Lily prayed that one day, when her time in the spotlight was finally over, that the people would remember her name and everything she stood for.

In the middle of the concert, Lily slowly stepped to the middle of the stage, her guitar sparkling in her grip. She stood there, barefoot, preparing to sing. She leaned into the microphone, looking out at the crowds affectionately.

"Hello, to all five hundred thousand of you." The fans screamed as she fixed her earpiece, "if you didn't already know, today is my husband's birthday..."

More screams, and people turned to face the tent where James was being clapped on the back by all their friends. The spotlight settled as Lily pointed out James with one finger.

"Hi Honey."

James waved enthusiastically at Lily from the VIP tent. Even after years being married, he still looked at her like she was always under a spotlight. Even now, amongst crowds bigger than either of them really liked, he only had eyes for Lily. His love shone through his radiant smile as she strummed lightly on her guitar.

"I'm sorry I burned your birthday cake," she said, and the crowds laughed, "I'm going to sing you your favorite song though, to make up for it."

The chords to Fearlessly Red echoed through the stadium. Lily rocked into the beats, her smile gently lifting her features as she stared at James when the lights weren't blinding her. James had an arm around their son, the other arm around Sirius. Lily felt none of her old fears as she sang, new tears running down her cheeks as she wondered how she'd gotten such a blessed life.

The stadium sang back the lyrics that would forever mean everything to Lily and James:

"_I'm fearlessly yours, Red_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you all, especially the readers who have been with me since this was published and then deleted and then reposted. This story means so much to me, as Lily's story and James' story is a mixture of my story and my brother's story.
> 
> Lily's story was a story I had to tell, because I never could bring myself to answer people truthfully when they asked me "why would you ever leave your job-it's like a dream" because my dream had turned into my own personal nightmare. No one would understand except the people who'd been with me since the day I started. Some of the conversations between Lily & James and Lily & her father are real conversations I had with my parents and friends.
> 
> For my brother, he lost a lot in the war and never really recovered mentally or physically until he met (his now wife) Abby. Their story always inspired me, but I know my brother would never let me write a book about it because like James...he struggles with self-confidence. So, I settled for this, a story he'll never see.
> 
> I hope if you're struggling with depression, a bad situation or anxiety...you can find it in yourself to leave toxic relationships, find yourself again and choose the rose garden over Madison Square. I promise that's where you'll find your own Happily Ever Something.
> 
> All my love,
> 
> Petals


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